SWAP 97

“…….”

The consciousness that had been submerged to the very bottom returned as the sunlight clung to his cheeks like a tickle. His eyelids felt as heavy as lead, but he couldn’t win against the dazzle digging between each strand of his eyelashes. Where did my sleep mask go…. Seoul tossed and turned with fragmentary thoughts, burying his face in the pillow. His whole body felt limp and heavy, so the thought that he had to get up didn’t even register as an active thought.

He dawdled like that and fell back into a light doze, but it only lasted about 10 minutes.

Eventually, unable to fall into a deep sleep, Seoul lifted his buried face.

He blinked his stiff eyes with difficulty and saw the brightly lit room. Staring blankly at the scene that looked as if the sun were already high in the sky, Seoul bolted upright only after a long moment had passed.

What time is it now?

He hurriedly turned on the phone lying on the nightstand, and an unbelievable number appeared.

“…Huh?”

1:24 PM.

He couldn’t believe the fact that he had been asleep until now. Not the morning, but the afternoon. Wondering why the alarm hadn’t gone off, he checked to find that the entire thing had been deactivated. He hadn’t touched it himself, so there was only one person who would do such a thing. It was the moment he let out a short sigh. Suddenly, scenes flashed through his mind, and his fingertips, which were about to click the activation button, faltered.

Thick fingers filling his mouth.

A wrist moving as if it would poke to the back of his throat, telling him it was okay to spit it all out.

As the memories of the saliva he couldn’t swallow dripping down and the palm that rubbed his lower belly as if to say it was alright surfaced one after another, he felt the back of his neck grow hot instinctively. Was I that sexually frustrated? It was a nightmare that was beyond erotic and felt somewhat perverted. Embarrassed that he had such a dream, Seoul raised his hand and let out a small, dry cough.

He tried to dismiss it as a dream because the content was so unrealistic, but at that moment, the corners of his mouth stung. Wondering what it was, he felt around his mouth and opened it slightly, only for it to sting again. Bewildered, Seoul looked down at himself. Come to think of it, yesterday… did I go to sleep wearing these clothes?

Seeing the cream-colored hoodie that he had never even taken out of his suitcase, a chill ran down his spine. With a sinking feeling, Seoul hurriedly got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. He stood in front of the sink, repeatedly telling himself it couldn’t be. And then, he was left speechless by his own reflection in the mirror.

“…….”

Flushed eyes and a pale, sickly complexion.

His heart sank because his face clearly looked like something had happened to him. He traced the corners of his mouth with his fingertips—they weren’t torn, but he could feel the heat—and then lowered his gaze. His eyes fell upon the bone-dry tiles, and only then did he realize those scenes had been reality. Swaying for a moment from the shock, Seoul gripped the sink.

This is impossible.

If that wasn’t a dream, then even that….

‘Are you surprised? It’s just a physiological phenomenon, so what? Everyone does it.’

“Ah….”

He squeezed his eyes shut as the voice surfaced like a final verdict. That meant Saheon had witnessed all of his unsightly behavior as well. What on earth must he have thought? He was only trying to help him throw up, but to get an erection just from having fingers put in his mouth. And by the hand of a male friend at that…. It was disgusting and strange even to himself.

Saheon had brushed it off in words as if it were no big deal, but he actually knew.

That it was a way to calm him down when he couldn’t even breathe properly.

Cold sweat soaked his palms at the ominous premonition. It would have been better to be dismissed as a pervert. He was terrified that Saheon might have noticed his feelings. If it were the first offense, it might be different, but hadn’t the exact same situation already happened once before? Saheon had even point-blank established that it never happened. While suppressing his annoyance.

But if he finds out that I still like him even now….

He was more afraid because he couldn’t imagine what kind of reaction Saheon would show.

Back then, he had ended it by cutting off contact first and keeping his distance, but he knew all too well that he wouldn’t be able to do that now.

Suddenly, his heart felt heavy, and Seoul swept a hand over the back of his neck, letting out a sigh before pulling the faucet up. If it were a situation he could resolve by agonising over it alone, he could have suffered for days on end, but that wasn’t the case now. Recalling the fact that cameras were rolling beyond the door, Seoul splashed his face with cold water. Even if he couldn’t drink it, he wanted to clear his head like this.

“Hyung, are you feeling any better?”

After a quick wash, he went down to the first floor and ran into Yun Hyeok, who was just about to head up the stairs. He had to stop in bewilderment at the question asking if his stomach was okay, as Yun Hyeok mentioned he was just about to go wake him up.

Just as he was about to open his lips to ask what he meant, Ye Juyeol appeared from somewhere, having apparently heard the conversation, and ran over with frantic, clattering footsteps. The moment their eyes met, his face turned tearful as if he had been waiting.

“Nooo! Your face has half-vanished, sunbae-niiim….”

“…No, it’s not that bad…?”

“Sob, it’s completely gone. I’m really so upset. If you felt sick, you should have just said something…. We heard you went through a lot of trouble at dawn. We all heard.”

……It seemed he had roughly sorted out the situation for him. Thinking about it, there was no way that mess hadn’t been captured by the cameras, so a brief headache flared up. For now, Seoul nodded in affirmation and glanced around the empty living room. Saheon, who he thought would be on the first floor, was nowhere to be seen.

Should he call this a relief?

It was true he had been anxious because he didn’t know what kind of face to make when seeing him, but not seeing him made him even more uneasy. Worried that Saheon might be avoiding him on purpose, Seoul asked cautiously.

“Where did Saheon go?”

“Oh, for an interview for a moment…. Oh? There he comes.”

It was before Ye Juyeol could even finish his answer. His shoulders stiffened at the appearance of Saheon, who opened the front door and entered as if to announce a tiger’s arrival. Seoul hesitated, not knowing what words to offer, when their eyes suddenly met. Taking off his shoes and stepping inside, Saheon walked over with long strides as soon as he saw Seoul standing awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs.

“Why are you down already? You should have slept more.”

At the words offered so nonchalantly, Seoul opened his mouth with a “Huh” and replied reflexively.

“It’s 1 PM right now…?”

“You had a fever at dawn. You can sleep until the evening.”

“Uh, I’m okay now. My fever is pretty much gone. Nothing hurts either….”

“Are you a doctor? How do you know.”

Even though the person involved said he was fine, Saheon didn’t seem to believe it at all. Hesitating because he couldn’t tell if Saheon was acting or if he really had a fever, Saheon asked like a sigh.

“…Did the fever really go down?”

“Yeah…. Sorry. You must have had a hard time.”

“Forget it. How’s your stomach? For now, I’ve made some porridge.”

Technically, he hadn’t actually vomited, and he certainly didn’t have indigestion, so there was no reason for his stomach to be upset. Since his condition was no different from usual except for being a bit drained from mental exhaustion, Seoul nodded saying he was fine, but then he faltered at a sudden sense of dissonance.

If it were the usual Saheon, his hand would have gone out before his words. Before asking if the fever was down, he would have checked it with his own hand by touching Seoul’s forehead first…. Something was strange, but he stopped himself, thinking he might be overinterpreting. Seoul scolded himself, thinking he was acting this way because he had a guilty conscience, and entered the kitchen.

“Just sit down.”

As he naturally headed toward the induction stove, he was immediately stopped.

Since he had no intention of being stubborn, he sat at the dining table, and Ye Juyeol and Yun Hyeok, who had followed him in while gauging his reaction, sat nearby as well. It was obvious they had plenty they wanted to ask but couldn’t speak properly because Saheon was there. Normally, Seoul would have started a conversation to lighten the mood, but he was so nervous himself that he didn’t have the mental capacity to worry about that.

What is it? Is it just going to pass like this? Because there were cameras, it was a situation where they couldn’t have a proper conversation anyway, but seeing Saheon acting so normally made him confused. Or was I thinking too much? His head was a mess, wondering if Saheon really just considered it a physiological phenomenon, or something like that, and was letting it be.

It was the moment Saheon, who had reheated the porridge he made earlier on the induction stove, set down the bowl containing the porridge. Seeing the bowl being passed in front of him, Seoul reached out without thinking. He didn’t have any specific intention; he just thought it might be hot. He had only intended to take it first, but the moment their fingertips accidentally brushed, he saw Saheon flinch and pull his arm back.

Clatter!

With the sound of the ceramic colliding harshly, the porridge that had been filled to the brim overflowed out of the bowl.

Seoul, who had frozen because it happened in an instant, blinked his eyes.

Just now, did he avoid my hand…?

Unable to say anything because he couldn’t believe it, a low voice rang out from above his head.

“Sorry, it was hot so I let go.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll wipe it up, so wait.”

When he looked up, he saw Saheon’s face looking the same as usual. Because his tone was so calm, as if he really had let go because it was hot, Seoul nodded in a daze. Looking at the steaming porridge, it seemed like that could have happened. He even managed a short smile, saying thank you, feeling embarrassed for his delusion earlier….

But it didn’t take very long to realize that it wasn’t a delusion.