HL 53

Winter gave way to spring, and new buds sprouted on the trees by the window.

Xu Nanxiao gazed out the window in a daze, when suddenly a thin blanket was draped over his shoulders. Ying Yusheng’s voice came from behind him: “The weather’s nice. Do you want to go out and take a look?”

“You’d actually let me leave?” Xu Nanxiao didn’t even lift his eyelids.

“If you’re willing, I can accompany you for a walk near the house.”

Accompany. House.

Ha. Ying Yusheng’s skill at twisting the truth hadn’t diminished in the slightest.

But Xu Nanxiao didn’t refuse, and so, after four months, he finally stepped out of the villa again.

At first, Xu Nanxiao even felt a bit disoriented.

The outdoor wind rushed toward him, carrying the faint, slightly fishy scent of early spring soil, like a stranger’s hand suddenly gripping his lungs. He found himself trembling involuntarily.

“What’s wrong?” As if sensing his agitation and unease, Ying Yusheng gently looped his fingers around Xu Nanxiao’s wrist.

But Xu Nanxiao shook him off hard, his face darkening as he said, “Nothing.”

There was a lake near the villa, and Ying Yusheng took Xu Nanxiao fishing by its shore. Xu Nanxiao leaned back in a lounge chair, staring at the shimmering surface of the lake, his expression dazed.

He didn’t even notice when the float moved. Ying Yusheng had to reel in the line for him. The fish was quite strong, and after a struggle, they landed a grass carp weighing about three jin.

“Look, Nanxiao.” Ying Yusheng turned, his tone light as he showed off the catch, only to find that Xu Nanxiao wasn’t interested in the fish at all. Instead, he was crouched by the lake, staring at a pile of broken stones.

Ying Yusheng secured the fish and walked over, asking gently, “What are you looking at?”

“These stones here are pretty good for skipping.” Xu Nanxiao idly shuffled through them as he spoke. “Back in my hometown, there was nothing fun to do, so I used to skip stones on the lake all the time. My mom… that woman was actually pretty good at it. She taught me.”

Xu Nanxiao didn’t want to think about that woman anymore, so he picked up a stone, weighed it in his hand, and stood up. He ran his thumb over the damp moss on the stone’s surface, pulled his wrist back, then snapped it forward—

The stone sliced into the water at an angle, skimming across the surface five or six times, traveling dozens of meters before sinking.

Young Master Ying, of course, had never seen such a rustic pastime. He stared at the water in surprise for a moment, then his eyes curved into a smile, and he said to Xu Nanxiao, “That’s amazing. How did you do that?”

“None of your business.” With that, Xu Nanxiao sent another stone flying.

“Tell me, come on.” Ying Yusheng tugged at his arm.

Finally annoyed enough by Ying Yusheng’s pestering, Xu Nanxiao impatiently grabbed Ying Yusheng’s wrist and moved up behind him. His other hand covered the back of Ying Yusheng’s hand, adjusting the way his fingers held the stone. “Relax your wrist.”

To his surprise, Ying Yusheng went rigid on the spot, the muscles in his back tenser than stone.

What the hell. Xu Nanxiao frowned in bewilderment.

They’d fucked so many times—why was he putting on this act now?

Xu Nanxiao ignored it, guiding his arm forward, snapping his wrist, and the stone slipped off Ying Yusheng’s fingertips.

It skipped across the water—once, twice, three times… The arc it traced was weak and labored, like a clumsy fledgling taking its first flight, eventually sinking not far from the shore.

“Like that.” After demonstrating, Xu Nanxiao pulled his hand away from Ying Yusheng’s again.

Ying Yusheng was still dazed for a moment, then steadied his breathing and smiled again. “Thanks. Let me try.”

Ying Yusheng tried several times but couldn’t get the hang of it. He turned and looked at Xu Nanxiao helplessly.

“The stones you’re using aren’t a good shape. I’ll go pick out some better ones over there. You keep practicing.”

“Mm.”

Luckily, Ying Yusheng was smart, and through repeated trial and error, he quickly grasped the technique: as you throw, you need to use your core to drive your whole body, and lower your center of gravity. A 20-degree angle of entry into the water works best for distance.

In just fifteen minutes, he managed a seven-skip throw, surpassing Xu Nanxiao’s record.

“Nanxiao, look—” Ying Yusheng, usually so composed and steady, rarely showed such excitement as he turned to look beside him, but his voice gradually tightened.

Xu Nanxiao was nowhere to be seen.

Xu Nanxiao had run away.

But without a car, he couldn’t get far.

In less than an hour, the bodyguards stationed nearby had escorted him back. Of course—how could he have been so naive as to think Ying Yusheng would let him out without any precautions?

Back at the villa, Ying Yusheng was sitting on the sofa waiting for him, with Juanjuan lying beside him.

Juanjuan had no idea she’d just been abandoned by her owner. She happily trotted over, dropping her cloth bone at Xu Nanxiao’s feet, asking him to play. The housekeeper quickly hurried over and carried Juanjuan to another room.

The deepest anger never radiates outward. The line of Ying Yusheng’s jaw tightened slightly, pulling the skin over his cheekbones taut into a faint, pale white.

He stood up.

He was taller than Xu Nanxiao, so his gaze came from above.

“Darling, during that hour, did you figure out where you wanted to go?”

Xu Nanxiao froze, momentarily at a loss for words. He had nowhere to go—during that hour, he knew that better than anyone.

But this feeling of being seen through, of being controlled, drove Xu Nanxiao mad. He couldn’t take it anymore and shouted, “Anywhere! Anywhere I don’t have to see your face—I’d be happy!!”

Before he finished speaking, Ying Yusheng grabbed him by the hair at the back of his head and kissed him hard.

The kiss was all metallic blood; someone’s teeth had split someone’s lip. Xu Nanxiao’s scalp was pulled taut, and he leaned back trying to dodge, but Ying Yusheng clamped his jaw, forcing his mouth open, and thrust his tongue in roughly, licking the roof of his mouth until it went numb.

Even though Ying Yusheng had kissed him until he saw stars, successfully provoking the other man still gave Xu Nanxiao an unprecedented thrill.

How could it feel this fucking good?

Ying Yusheng had once said that hate or love, it didn’t matter—as long as all of Xu Nanxiao’s emotions were poured into him. Xu Nanxiao hadn’t understood back then; he’d called him a mad dog, a lunatic.

But now he seemed to get it. Hate or love, it didn’t matter—as long as he could hurt Ying Yusheng. He was determined to peel back layer after layer of Ying Yusheng’s disguises and stab straight into that most hidden core.

When Xu Nanxiao shoved him away hard, Ying Yusheng had already calmed down. He didn’t get angry again, only smiled and said, “This time, it was my fault.”

After that, every time Xu Nanxiao went out, he had to be handcuffed to Ying Yusheng. So when Ying Yusheng said it was his fault, did he mean he should have leashed his dog?

Under this humiliation, after a few rounds, Xu Nanxiao didn’t want to go out anymore.

One day, Ying Yusheng came back bringing Xu Nanxiao a cake and a gift. Xu Nanxiao had no idea what this was about and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Happy 28th birthday, Nanxiao.” He leaned down and kissed Xu Nanxiao’s temple. “Thank you for coming into this world.”

Xu Nanxiao was taken aback for a moment and looked down at the cake.

Today was his birthday? He’d completely forgotten.

When was the last time he’d celebrated a birthday?

It seemed like when he was thirteen, that woman had bought him a small cake. He’d complained it was too small but still ate it happily. He could still remember the sticky, cloying texture of that cheap shortening cream.

Xu Nanxiao had always thought that grown men didn’t need to make a fuss over birthdays, so he’d never told anyone his birthday. He never expected that his first birthday as an adult would be celebrated by Ying Yusheng.

The cake was large and exquisite, completely different from that rough little cake in his memory—like a dream bubble that would burst at the slightest touch.

If this had happened before they’d torn each other apart, it might have been a memory worth cherishing. But now, Xu Nanxiao couldn’t muster a smile.

Ying Yusheng considerately lit the candles for him and said, “Make a wish, Nanxiao.”

Xu Nanxiao couldn’t be bothered with this ritual. He reached for the knife to cut the cake, but Ying Yusheng took it first, softening his expression as he said gently, “It’ll only take a second.”

Xu Nanxiao clicked his tongue, impatiently closed his eyes to make a wish, then quickly blew out the candles.

As Xu Nanxiao cut the cake, Ying Yusheng propped his chin on his hand and asked, “What did you wish for?”

Xu Nanxiao paused, then turned to look at Ying Yusheng after a long moment.

“I wished to get the hell out of here soon, and for you to get run over by a car.”

He stared at the other man maliciously, waiting for his reaction.

But Ying Yusheng only chuckled softly, then said in a measured, deliberate tone, “Darling, you know, if you say your wish out loud, it won’t come true.”

“…”

If it had been before, Xu Nanxiao would have been furious at a remark like that. But at some point, he’d started to be able to read the obscure, unspoken something beneath Ying Yusheng’s frivolous surface.

It was precisely that obscurity that turned Ying Yusheng from a monster into a human being.

Xu Nanxiao had once felt that Ying Yusheng was an incomprehensible monster.

Normal logic and emotional responses simply didn’t apply to him. He absorbed all of Xu Nanxiao’s malice with an inhuman composure. No matter how many punches Xu Nanxiao threw, they were absorbed like punches into a sponge, causing no damage at all.

This “void” had once driven Xu Nanxiao to despair.

Actually, this “void” wasn’t unfamiliar. Xu Nanxiao often felt the same “void” when confronting his own messy life. He’d always gritted his teeth and fought back, but bad thing after bad thing happened, and in the end, he couldn’t hold on to anything important.

Many people said he had a bad temper. Even he himself didn’t know what exactly he was so angry at.

He couldn’t attack the world, but at least now he could attack Ying Yusheng. Just as Ying Yusheng had always felt the world through feeling Xu Nanxiao, without realizing it, Xu Nanxiao had also begun to attack the world through attacking Ying Yusheng.

Both of them inflicted pain, and both derived some twisted confirmation from the other’s pained reactions.

He seemed to have turned into a mad dog and a lunatic himself.