HL 33

After saying that, Xu Nanxiao didn’t show it on his face, but inwardly he suddenly felt a bit panicked.

He hadn’t meant to have a falling-out with Ying Yusheng; it was just that his mind was in chaos, and Ying Yusheng’s nonchalant attitude had made him speak without thinking.

What was he trying to do? Ruin his relationship with Ying Yusheng over such a trivial thing?

But if he kept it bottled up, it would eat at him inside.

Although the whole affair did make Xu Nanxiao uncomfortable, since it was Ying Yusheng, maybe it wasn’t entirely unforgivable? After all, at the end of the day, he simply couldn’t manage his daily life without Ying Yusheng.

“I’m sorry, Nan Xiao, I went too far.” However, Ying Yusheng obediently apologized first. “I just thought of it as a joke between men; I didn’t realize it would affect you so much.”

A joke! Yes, of course it was a joke!

Xu Nanxiao suddenly came to his senses.

Why was he being so petty, clinging to a joke? He knew perfectly well that Ying Yusheng had no friends and therefore didn’t understand appropriate boundaries between people. He was the one being too uptight.

In truth, Xu Nanxiao had wanted to forgive Ying Yusheng all along; he just needed an excuse. So whatever reason Ying Yusheng gave, he would probably accept it.

He still hadn’t realized just how dangerous this mindset truly was.

“Who jokes like that? No matter how much I yelled, you just wouldn’t stop,” Xu Nanxiao grumbled, half-cursing under his breath. As he spoke, he reached his fork into Ying Yusheng’s plate and stole one of his sausages.

Ying Yusheng knew the other had already cooled down. Curling his lips, he nodded and said, “Alright, I’ll be more mindful next time.”

“You think there’ll be a next time?”

“Why can’t there be a next time? When I helped you move, I saw a lot of toys in your luggage. I was thinking of having you teach me how to use each one.”

“??? Get the hell out of here!”

“Let’s call today’s group meeting here. Good work, everyone—get some rest early.”

After closing his folder, Ying Yusheng said gently to the students before him.

The students took turns bidding their advisor goodbye, then gathered their things and filed out of the conference room. Ying Yusheng, however, spotted Lu Yingjie among the crowd and called out to him before he could leave.

“Yingjie.”

Lu Yingjie paused, then slowly turned around and asked calmly, “What is it?”

Ying Yusheng could clearly sense that Lu Yingjie’s demeanor had changed from before—quieter, more composed, and much sharper.

As if, overnight, he had grown up.

Ying Yusheng smiled calmly and said, “I heard you applied for a government-sponsored overseas study program. That’s great—it’s a good chance to broaden your horizons. Which school are you aiming for?”

“Stanford.”

“Have you secured an offer from your foreign advisor? I have many former classmates from my time in the U.S. who now work there; they could write you recommendation letters.”

“No need. I have my own arrangements.”

“Mm, you’ve always been reliable.” Ying Yusheng adjusted his glasses. “Feel free to come to me if you ever need anything.”

Lu Yingjie said nothing, standing rigidly in place.

After a long moment, he slowly clenched his fists and lowered his voice: “Professor Ying, what will it take for you to let my Ge go?”

“Let him go?” Ying Yusheng asked knowingly. “What do you mean by that? Nan Xiao and I are friends. He chooses to associate with me willingly—how is that ‘letting him go’?”

Lu Yingjie raised his head, staring directly at him without a trace of a smile. “I’m not recording this, and there’s no one else here. Ying Yusheng, let’s speak plainly.”

“The man in the hoodie—that was you, wasn’t it?” Lu Yingjie paused. “You wore shoes identical to mine, took my Ge to that bakery, and deliberately let the owner see you. You had Sister Mao Ke induce hypnosis on my Ge. You got him fired. You purposely found an opportunity to slip the pills into my hand.”

Lu Yingjie was exceptionally sharp, so Ying Yusheng wasn’t surprised at all that he had pieced everything together.

Ying Yusheng quietly observed the other’s expression, confirming that he wasn’t lying about not recording, before letting out a soft laugh and answering casually, “But in the end, I wasn’t the one holding a knife to your throat, forcing you to hypnotize Nan Xiao.”

Hearing this, Lu Yingjie’s eyes widened slightly. He didn’t yell or make a scene; his chest just heaved a couple of times before he forcibly suppressed the surging emotions.

“I did wrong by my Ge, and I won’t make excuses. Soon, I’ll be going abroad and will never bother him again,” Lu Yingjie said. “But before that, I need to take care of your problem, Professor.”

“I don’t understand, Yingjie.” Ying Yusheng shook his head. “Why are you always so hostile toward me? Even without me, Nan Xiao would ultimately end up with a woman. Just because you don’t dare to move forward, do you have to push away everyone who dares to get close to him?”

How could he say something like that? How could he whitewash his own wrongdoing to such an extent?

Lu Yingjie was deeply stunned by Ying Yusheng’s shamelessness. Finally, he shook his head and let out a bitter laugh: “If you truly loved my Ge, you would never ask that question.”

The feeling of loving someone is, at its core, fear.

Fear of them leaving, fear of their disgust, fear of their regret, fear that the one who brings them happiness won’t be you, and fear that you won’t be able to give them happiness. His friends often praised Lu Yingjie as “brave Lu Lu, unafraid of difficulties,” yet when it came to his Ge, he became a complete coward.

If Ying Yusheng didn’t even possess that bit of “fear,” then how could his feelings for Xu Nanxiao be anything more than shallow self-gratification?

If love is merely one-sided devotion, what essential difference is there between that and liking a vase or liking a plant?

Ying Yusheng paused.

His expression twisted, ever so slightly—a rare sight—because Lu Yingjie had seen through him: he was a person devoid of “love,” and everything he was doing now was merely an imitation of it.

But his good composure quickly allowed Ying Yusheng to suppress his emotions. He curled his lips slightly and said calmly:

“Then what are you going to do? Between the man in the hoodie who hypnotized him and me, who has always supported and protected him—which one do you think Nan Xiao will believe?”

Even though Ying Yusheng provoked Lu Yingjie like this, he knew the other wouldn’t surrender.

But what could Lu Yingjie really do?

Lu Yingjie had tried to confront Xu Nanxiao more than once—Ying Yusheng knew of several occasions. But Xu Nanxiao now went into fight-or-flight mode at the mere sight of him, incapable of even normal communication. How could he possibly believe the “truths” Lu Yingjie spoke of?

In fact, Ying Yusheng could have chosen a much gentler way to end the relationship between Lu Yingjie and Xu Nanxiao. The reason he had been so ruthless was indeed out of pettiness.

Because he really, really, really hated Lu Yingjie.

Every time he heard Xu Nanxiao talk about his past with Lu Yingjie, it reminded Ying Yusheng, over and over, just how deep and profound Xu Nanxiao’s feelings for Lu Yingjie were, and how insignificant he himself was for even trying to intrude. Thinking about that made Ying Yusheng a little angry.

So angry that he once wanted to kill Yingjie, then take Xu Nanxiao and die with him in a crime of passion.

Haha, just kidding.

“Ying Yusheng…”

But Ying Yusheng could never allow someone so important to Xu Nanxiao to remain in his heart.

“Ying Yusheng… are you even listening…”

Xu Nanxiao’s voice suddenly pulled Ying Yusheng back to attention. He blinked slightly, looked over, and saw Xu Nanxiao’s frowning face.

“Sorry,” Ying Yusheng replied. “I was spacing out for a moment. What did you say?”

Xu Nanxiao silently stared at him for a while, then turned his head away. “Forget it if you’re not interested.”

With that, he quickened his pace up the mountain, leaving Ying Yusheng behind.

Lately, Nan Xiao seemed to be getting…

Impatient if Ying Yusheng’s attention wasn’t on him for even a moment.

Ying Yusheng certainly didn’t mind; rather, he even felt it would be better if Xu Nanxiao couldn’t do without him. He smiled and caught up, soothing him: “I’m not uninterested. Go on, I’m listening.”

Xu Nanxiao ignored him and kept climbing.

After a while, Xu Nanxiao finally said, as if he didn’t care, “It’s not like I asked you to come hiking. You insisted on coming, and then you kept spacing out.”

“I really don’t like hiking,” Ying Yusheng paused, then leaned his head closer. “But it doesn’t matter what we do—what matters is who we’re with, right, Nan Xiao?”

When Ying Yusheng said the name “Nan Xiao,” with his tongue against the roof of his mouth, it always carried an indescribable intimacy and lingering warmth.

Xu Nanxiao wasn’t sure if he said everyone’s names that way.

He sidestepped away from the other, laughing and scolding, “How can you just say something so cheesy without batting an eye?”

Even so, Ying Yusheng could tell that Xu Nanxiao’s mood had brightened considerably in an instant.

“Speaking of which, why did you suddenly want to go hiking today?” Ying Yusheng asked.

“To fulfill a vow.”

Last time Xu Nanxiao had come hiking, he’d paid respects to all the various deities at the temple, praying for the club he and Ying Yusheng co-ran to prosper.

Now, after one quarter, the club’s monthly revenue had reached several hundred thousand, with Xu Nanxiao taking home thirty to forty thousand himself—a preliminary success.

Since he didn’t know which deity had answered his prayers, Xu Nanxiao planned to bow to each one in turn this time.

He said casually that he’d just bow randomly, but in truth, he paid very serious respects to every single Buddha statue.

Ying Yusheng, on the other hand, was distracted.

He had always been someone without reverence; he didn’t believe in heaven or earth—the only god he believed in was himself.

Ying Yusheng silently watched Xu Nanxiao bow and prostrate himself. That waist dipped down, the curve of his hips tightening beneath the thin fabric, tracing a full and rounded arc.

Ying Yusheng’s gaze took the place of his hands, measuring that curve inch by inch.

Every time Xu Nanxiao lowered himself, the skin at the nape of his neck stretched taut, like a bow being slowly drawn back, silently inviting its own breaking. Ying Yusheng even felt that it deserved to be gnawed on, to serve as his daily teething toy.

Wait, just wait a little longer. These suppressed urges—he would soon extract double from Xu Nanxiao.

And moreover, he would have the other give them to him willingly.

Inside the hall, it was dim, with only a few red candles before the Buddha flickering with tiny halos of light. The air was thick with the stale scent of incense—a sweet yet desolate fragrance.

Ahead of them, high upon a lotus pedestal, the golden statue of the Buddha sat majestically.

The statue’s face was full and rounded, its eyelids half-lowered, its gaze seemingly fixed on some void point, yet also passing judgment upon everything in the hall.

Including Ying Yusheng’s unbridled mad malice and ugly desires, even in the most solemn place in the world.

Yet the golden body shone brilliantly, ultimately saying nothing, feeling neither sorrow nor joy.