HL 31

A few days later, Xu Nanxiao and the others were found and brought back by the police.

He learned that his father had never died at all; that day, he had simply tired himself out from beating him and had collapsed onto the ground in a deep sleep.

But that scene on the train—the warmth of them leaning on each other—was deeply etched into Xu Nanxiao’s mind.

Why had he and Lu Yingjie ended up like this?

Why?

Xu Nanxiao still didn’t understand, even now.

Xu Nanxiao slowly opened his eyes, laboriously moving his pupils. He noticed Ying Yusheng sitting by the bed, watching him calmly and gently.

“What?” Xu Nanxiao asked, his voice hoarse.

“After I woke up, I came to see how you were sleeping. But your eyeballs kept moving under your eyelids, and I thought maybe you were having a nightmare,” Ying Yusheng said with a smile.

Was that a nightmare? Xu Nanxiao felt a bit lost.

“So you just sat there the whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“No need for that. I’m not a kid anymore.”

Xu Nanxiao sat up, but suddenly felt a tug. He looked down and saw that his hand and Ying Yusheng’s were tightly clasped together. He quickly pulled away, cursing awkwardly, “Why are you holding my hand? That’s disgusting.”

“You were the one holding mine first, and now you’re calling me disgusting. I really can’t defend myself against that,” Ying Yusheng said helplessly, clearing his name.

Xu Nanxiao was stumped, falling into self-doubt.

He figured that while dreaming, he must have mistaken Ying Yusheng for the Lu Yingjie of his childhood.

Xu Nanxiao said nothing, pulling the blanket up higher and wrapping it tightly around himself.

Seeing that he was awake and in decent spirits, Ying Yusheng got up and prepared to leave. “I’ll go get you something to eat.”

“Ying Yusheng.”

“What is it?” Ying Yusheng turned back.

“Thanks,” Xu Nanxiao said quietly, looking at him.

The room fell silent all at once.

“…”

“…”

Xu Nanxiao’s face reddened in the end; he lowered his head and gave a light cough to cover his embarrassment: “Say something, did you lose your voice?”

Ying Yusheng tilted his head slightly and looked at him for a moment. “Did you eat something bad?”

“Fuck! I finally—” Xu Nanxiao couldn’t finish the rest of the sentence. He flopped back heavily onto the bed, turned over, and faced away from Ying Yusheng.

“Hehe, I’m just joking, don’t be mad,” Ying Yusheng said, his eyes curving into crescents.

Then he turned and climbed onto the bed. As he lay down, his warm chest pressed closely against Xu Nanxiao’s arm, and his chin rested on Xu Nanxiao’s shoulder.

He gently shook the other’s arm, his movements soft and limp, not so much urging as a kind of affectionate nuzzling.

“Say it again? I didn’t catch it.”

“Don’t give me that. You heard me perfectly well.”

Not used to being this close to another man, Xu Nanxiao twisted his waist uncomfortably. But Ying Yusheng acted as if he hadn’t noticed, holding him fast.

“Your voice was too soft just now? Look me in the eye and say it properly.”

“Wasn’t I just looking you in the eye when I said it?” Xu Nanxiao laughed in exasperation, then struggled. “Get off, you’re heavy as hell.”

As they grappled, Ying Yusheng was too focused on teasing the other and let his guard down for a moment, giving Xu Nanxiao an opening.

Xu Nanxiao flipped him over, pinned him to the bed, then straddled his hips and pinched his cheek, saying, “Hmph, and you think you can overpower me?”

Looking at Xu Nanxiao from this angle was absolutely lethal.

Xu Nanxiao leaned forward slightly, his loose collar drooping naturally, revealing sharp collarbones and a full chest beneath. His waist, tensed from exertion, curved under his shirt, rising and falling gently with each breath.

“Why so quiet?” Xu Nanxiao tightened his grip on Ying Yusheng’s hips with the muscles of his inner thighs.

“Nan Xiao…” The movement successfully drew a low grunt from Ying Yusheng. He placed his hand on Xu Nanxiao’s thigh, bare outside his shorts, as if pushing away, yet also as if caressing.

The warmth of his palm jolted Xu Nanxiao to sudden clarity. Even for two grown men, this position was far too much.

His face flushed, and he immediately rolled off Ying Yusheng. They looked at each other in silence, and he left with an awkward remark: “I’m hungry. Going to eat.”

Then he hurried away.

Because of that, he didn’t look back, and didn’t see the surge of desire in Ying Yusheng’s eyes.

Ying Yusheng had to admit that “resilience” was one of Xu Nanxiao’s few virtues.

No matter what pain or cruelty he had suffered, he could always dust himself off and stand back up. Like the cheapest foxtail grass, unbreakable, unbendable, standing stubbornly upright in the corner of some ruined wall.

Not long after his falling-out with Lu Yingjie, Xu Nanxiao forced himself to throw his energy into running the fight club. If it weren’t for the fact that he often stood by the window, cigarette in mouth, staring blankly out, Ying Yusheng might almost have believed he had truly moved on.

Fortunately, the new colleagues were all very friendly—not only highly professional but also respectful toward Xu Nanxiao. When they went back to their hometowns, they even brought him local specialties. That had been unimaginable at his previous club, so for a while he didn’t know how to respond.

Every morning, when Xu Nanxiao pushed open the door, all the coaches would stop whatever they were doing and flash him a big smile.

“Boss, you’re here!”

“Good morning, boss!”

“Good morning, boss. How did you sleep last night?”

“Hard work, boss.”

People stared at Xu Nanxiao, their smiles identical in curvature, like plaster masks set into their faces. Everything was as perfect as depicted in a movie, yet for some reason, Xu Nanxiao felt his scalp prickle.

What was wrong with him?

What was there to be dissatisfied with in his current situation?

Xu Nanxiao couldn’t put his finger on it, but instinct still made him avoid getting too close to these colleagues. So every time they invited him out for drinks or dinner, he turned them down.

That day after work, Coach Wang Heng again invited Xu Nanxiao to join them for barbecue and beer.

“Forget it, I’ve got things to do,” Xu Nanxiao said as he pulled on his tank top.

“Come on, come on, we’re all going, we’re just missing the boss.”

“The boss has never had a meal with us. Give us the honor, won’t you?”

“That barbecue place is amazing. Come on, let’s go try it.”

They crowded around Xu Nanxiao, their smiles again that flawless brand of friendliness. Their faces seemed to spin before him, making him dizzy for a moment.

“You guys go ahead,” Xu Nanxiao said, immediately turning his head away and lying, “I’ve got plans with Ying Yusheng today.”

Just then, Ying Yusheng walked into the club, as usual, stopping by to pick up Xu Nanxiao after work.

“Sheng Ge, perfect timing.”

“Hm? What’s up?” Ying Yusheng asked, his eyes curving.

“We’re asking the boss to come for barbecue. You should come too.”

Xu Nanxiao said impatiently, “I told you, today—”

“Sure,” Ying Yusheng interrupted. “Let’s all go together.”

The colleagues immediately cheered.

“What’s your deal?” Xu Nanxiao frowned, lowering his voice suspiciously. “I thought you hated chaotic gatherings like this. My friends invited you plenty of times before and you never wanted to go.”

“I didn’t like those friends you met at bars, but these colleagues seem like good people. I have a feeling you’ll get along well with them.” Ying Yusheng squeezed Xu Nanxiao’s wrist. “And right now, you need to meet more people and take your mind off things. I’m a little worried about you.”

“What’s there to worry about?” Xu Nanxiao pursed his lips.

Still, since Ying Yusheng had said so, he might as well listen—after all, Ying Yusheng had never been wrong.

There were too many people for the barbecue outing, so they couldn’t all fit in a car. They decided to take the subway.

Ever since moving in with Ying Yusheng, Xu Nanxiao had hitched a ride wherever he went and hadn’t taken the subway in a long time.

The smell in the subway car during evening rush hour was far from pleasant: the sour saltiness of evaporated sweat, the scallion fragrance of a jianbing someone had brought on board, the sweet-sour smell of a child’s spilled yogurt—all mingling together.

Xu Nanxiao wrinkled his nose and stepped back irritably, only to bump his shoulder against someone.

He glanced back instinctively, but froze.

It was a tall young man, a head taller than him. He wore a black hoodie, with the hood up and a face mask. His build was solid, his chest broad.

He looked exactly like…

Before Xu Nanxiao could even register it, his body had already begun trembling on reflex. But the other person hadn’t even noticed him, still looking down and reciting vocabulary words.

He’d misseen. It wasn’t Lu Yingjie.

Even knowing it wasn’t Lu Yingjie, Xu Nanxiao couldn’t stop shaking. He gripped his wrist, but his stomach started churning again.

Fragmented memories flashed back—the hooded man in the obscene photos, the hooded man who had sent him provocative videos under surveillance, the hooded man who had covered his mouth and nose outside the bar… those faces hidden by hoods and masks all eventually became Lu Yingjie.

Something rose in his throat, and Xu Nanxiao instinctively covered his mouth. Just then, a hand suddenly braced itself beside his ear.

Ying Yusheng’s body was now wedged between Xu Nanxiao and the “hooded man,” boxing him into the narrow space between the subway door and his chest.

The faint scent of tea on Ying Yusheng immediately drove away the complex odors in the car.

“Lots of people today,” Ying Yusheng said, adjusting his glasses and smiling slightly, making no mention of Xu Nanxiao’s unusual reaction. But Xu Nanxiao knew he understood perfectly.

“So exhausting. I told you I shouldn’t have gone to dinner with them.”

“Don’t always stay cooped up at home.”

“Annoying.” Xu Nanxiao leaned forward, resting his forehead against Ying Yusheng’s shoulder.

Ying Yusheng paused. From his angle, he could see the curve of Xu Nanxiao’s slender neck and the small cowlick at the crown of his head. Xu Nanxiao probably didn’t even realize it himself, but his tone could almost be called whining.

Since when did he become so docile?

As docile as when he was hypnotized.

A twisted sense of satisfaction rose in Ying Yusheng’s heart, so intense it sent chills down his spine.

Xu Nanxiao had no idea that the shadow protecting him at this moment and the one that had once dragged him into the abyss came from the same person. He trembled and retched at a similar silhouette, letting the shards of memory cut him, only to end up taking refuge in the arms of his assailant.

It was absurd.

Xu Nanxiao’s most primal fear and his most instinctive reliance—both led back to me.

Ying Yusheng suddenly wanted to grab Xu Nanxiao by that neck, slam him hard against the subway wall, lick the roof of his mouth, bite his lips until they were bloody and mangled, and thrust his tongue deep into his throat.

To make him see that it had always been the same face beneath the hood, and watch the trust in his pupils shatter into pieces.

“We’re here. Boss and Sheng Ge, stop being all lovey-dovey.”

A colleague’s voice interrupted Ying Yusheng’s thoughts. Everyone noisily filed out of the subway. Xu Nanxiao shot a look at Ying Yusheng, who smiled and fell into step with the group.

The barbecue restaurant was right next to the subway station, clean and hygienic, with private rooms.

“Boss, get us a big private room.” While the colleagues negotiated with the owner, Xu Nanxiao looked around and realized Ying Yusheng was gone.

“Where’s Ying Yusheng?” he asked Xiao Zhao next to him.

“I don’t know, he was just here… Waiter, do you have lamb kidneys today?”

The colleagues had already sat down and were scanning the QR code to look at the menu. Still, Xu Nanxiao unconsciously scanned his surroundings, searching for Ying Yusheng.

The barbecue was soon brought to the table, fragrant and sizzling on the grill. But Xu Nanxiao felt uneasy; a certain restlessness seemed to tug at his limbs, poke at his spine, and course through his veins.

Until a hand suddenly landed on his shoulder, and someone sat down beside him.

“Have you guys ordered yet?” Ying Yusheng asked softly while wiping his hands.

“Where did you go?” Xu Nanxiao immediately pressed.

“The restroom. Where else would I go?” Ying Yusheng blinked in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

Xu Nanxiao paused.

Right. Where else would Ying Yusheng go? Hadn’t they just left the subway station together? It was only a moment he was gone—what was he so anxious about?

In his daze, Xiao Zhao had already raised his glass and declared loudly, “Come on, come on, cheers first! To celebrate our club hitting a new performance high under General Manager Xu this month!”

Glasses clinked crisply. Xu Nanxiao pushed his thoughts aside and took a swig of beer. The cold brew slid down his throat, bringing a long-missed sense of relief.

The meal turned out to be exceptionally enjoyable, almost dispelling all of Xu Nanxiao’s doubts.

His colleagues were casual in their manners, vivid in expression. That overly perfect, stiff smile was gone, replaced by laughter that was sometimes restrained, sometimes exaggerated.

This harmonious atmosphere was unimaginable at Xu Nanxiao’s previous job. True, Xu Nanxiao had been arrogant about his talents first, but the dark jealousy of men was equally terrifying; they never hesitated to interpret him with the worst possible intentions.

Xu Nanxiao looked at the laughing, joking colleagues before him and suddenly felt a softness in his chest—so soft it made his own teeth ache.

Too much weighing on his mind, Xu Nanxiao drank too much. He propped his head up and drifted into a light sleep, but was woken again within minutes by his colleagues’ noise.

Half-asleep and dazed, Xu Nanxiao looked around and saw that Ying Yusheng had disappeared again. So, using the excuse of going to the restroom, he left the private room to look for him.

Xu Nanxiao searched many places; it wasn’t until he passed the open-air balcony on the second floor that his peripheral vision finally caught the familiar silhouette.

“See, I told you,” Xu Nanxiao said, and at the sound of his voice, Ying Yusheng’s body stiffened, then he turned his head in slight surprise. “You don’t even like these occasions, yet you insisted on coming.”

Saying this, Xu Nanxiao leaned back against the railing, arms resting loosely on it.

The night breeze felt pleasant, slipping through his collar and cuffs, carrying away the faint trace of alcohol on him.

Ying Yusheng explained with a smile, “I just thought you’d like it, that it would cheer you up.”

“Me?”

“You used to go to bars a lot, so I figured you liked lively places and needed to socialize with all kinds of friends,” Ying Yusheng explained. “I personally prefer curling up on the couch with you and watching movies.”

That hit a nerve. Xu Nanxiao was stumped.

It made him sound like a fickle pet owner who left his animal at home while going out to enjoy himself at cat cafés and dog cafés.

“Then we won’t invite so many people from now on. Let’s just watch more movies at home,” Xu Nanxiao said without thinking.

“Don’t force yourself.”

“Do you think I’m the type to force myself?” Xu Nanxiao raised an eyebrow.

“I suppose not.” Ying Yusheng rested on the railing, thought for a moment, then turned his head to look at Xu Nanxiao and let out a genuine laugh. “Then it’s a deal.”

Ying Yusheng’s face was slightly tilted down, the night breeze rustling the fine strands of hair on his forehead. Behind his lenses, his usually calm eyes now shimmered with fragmented light, and the remnants of a smile still lingered at the corners of his mouth.

It left Xu Nanxiao a little dazed.

Xu Nanxiao had never really understood how someone like Ying Yusheng—who could win anyone’s favor, who could have his pick of the most difficult women—could, from the very first time they met, keep saying he was lonely and had no friends.

It was almost as if…

He had stayed lonely all this time just to wait for Xu Nanxiao to appear.