SATURDAY 26

It felt as if I were walking endlessly through fire while embracing a block of ice. Chills ran through my entire body yet I felt hot; cold sweat poured from my frame, completely soaking the pillowcase, duvet, and bedsheets.

With a hazy mind, I ate three meals a day haphazardly while consuming an incredible amount of medicine at all hours. Somehow Professor Jang found out and paid a visit; I felt a bit better after receiving an IV and an injection, but as time passed, I reverted to the same state.

If anything, being sick here was okay. The staff washed me or wiped my body with wet towels, and they changed the damp bedding for fresh sets before changing my pajamas as well. At home, this was a task my uncle used to do.

When I was this sick at home, I had to go to the annex. Because I had to stay away from Inha. My uncle took care of me without a single word of complaint, even though he said I was coming like a plague-bearing ghost burdened by illness. In fact, while laying me on the bed, he would curse so much at his own brother—my father—his sister-in-law, Inha, and even the Shaman.

When I went to see Professor Jang, it was also my uncle who put me in the car and took me. He even paid the hospital fees on behalf of me, who couldn’t use a card for fear of getting in trouble with my parents if they found out I went to the hospital.

However, my uncle was a famous painter and was often away from home for exhibitions or invitations. When I fell ill during those times, I had to suffer alone in the annex. All I had was a staff member bringing simple food like porridge three times a day.

Occasionally, a staff member who felt pity for me would help me in various ways, but at some point, such staff could no longer be seen at the house. As that rumor spread, even the staff began to keep me at a distance.

In that regard, suffering in this house was a much more pleasant and comfortable affair. Though the pain of being sick was the same.

On the night of the fourth day of the cold, it rained. Until just before waking to the sound of rain, I was dreaming. A dream where everything that happened on that Saturday was a nightmare, and I had married Mr. Taeseon and come to live in this house.

But I was sick in the dream too. In the same way, I caught a cold after getting hit by rain while looking for Lili. Mr. Taeseon’s reaction was quite different. He scolded the staff member who had left the utility room door open and was restless, wondering if it wouldn’t be better to take me to Professor Jang immediately.

I said I was fine, but he didn’t believe me. Even as he went on a business trip, he urged me to go to Professor Jang immediately if I felt sick, and he even went as far as trying to cancel the trip. I fell ill suddenly after reassuring him and sending him off.

There was a message I sent to Mr. Taeseon whenever I was sick. It wasn’t long. Just one emoticon. An emoticon of someone with a bandage around their head and a thermometer in their mouth. I only sent that when I was really very sick, when I missed Mr. Taeseon, and only in truly serious situations.

In the dream, I sent that message while struggling with severe flu-like symptoms. A reply came immediately. I’m coming now. I was sick enough to feel no guilt about calling someone back from a business trip. I hugged the phone and closed my eyes. Then, when I opened my eyes again, it was all a dream.

“Haah….”

Could there be a situation where the word “hollow” fits better than this? To have such a dream…. I thought with my aching head. How many more dreams like this will I have to dream in the future?

I drifted off into a faint sleep and woke again to the sound of rain; unable to fall back asleep, I was groaning while soaking the bedding with cold sweat. Suddenly, the door to the room swung wide open.

Lili had been sent out for fear she might catch the cold from me. Could Lili have already learned how to open doors…. There was no one who would open the door without knocking.

However, the door closed again, and the one who strode inside was Mr. Taeseon.

I gazed at him with hazy eyes. Wrapped in the scent of rain and humidity, Mr. Taeseon stood still in the gloomy room.

“Yoon Inha.”

…I didn’t want to answer. It was too much stress for a sick body. As I slowly closed and opened my eyes, they adjusted to the darkness, and Mr. Taeseon’s figure became clear.

He looked as if he had been hit by the rain.

“Are you not answering?”

“….”

“Yoon Inha, a person is talking to you. Answer me!”

Mr. Taeseon strode over, grabbed me by the collar, and pulled me up. My body shook helplessly like a paper doll. A coughing fit poured out; I turned my head to the side and coughed for a long while. Mr. Taeseon placed the back of his hand on my forehead as if doing so unconsciously, then let out a sound that was either a sigh or a snort.

“Why are you the one who’s sick? Not Inyoung, but you.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

It was an apology that came out purely by reflex. Because Mr. Taeseon looked that cornered.

I was sorry. Because I was sick, because I made him have unnecessary thoughts, because I… died. But even that seemed to grate on Mr. Taeseon.

I had to blankly wonder why he was so angry. My head throbbed even more. Every joint in my body ached and was stiff as if being crushed by stones, and my lower and upper back, centered around the spine, felt as if they had been beaten with a club.

It was fascinating that a body as healthy as Inha’s could be this sick just from a change in soul. Inha had never suffered like this…. In the first place, whenever Inha was sick, the Shaman used to transfer the illness to me with a healing spell.

Looking at it that way, Inha had always just delivered the illness to me; perhaps there were times when he was actually supposed to be sick. Then this cold isn’t strange either. Since Inha and I are twins, the way we suffer might be identical.

As I was lost in thought, a voice suddenly pierced my ears.

“How did you know about that message? Did Inyoung tell you?”

“….”

Message?

Come to think of it, I sent a message to Mr. Taeseon in the dream…. Following that, I felt my face turn pale. Was it not a dream? I slowly fumbled across the bed to find my phone.

When I checked the messenger, Mr. Taeseon’s number really did appear at the very top. With only the emoticon displayed.

“I-I’m, sorry, this… that is….”

My mind went white and empty, not knowing what excuse to make. After stuttering for a long while, I finally found an excuse and mumbled.

“Inyoung taught me….”

But in that instant, Mr. Taeseon grabbed my collar, threw me onto the bed, climbed on top of me, and gripped my neck.

“Cough….”

“Don’t make me laugh. Inyoung told you? He said it was a secret between the two of us. You either snooped through Inyoung’s phone or forced him to open his mouth. Right?”

Ah, right, it was a secret…. Actually, it wasn’t even something worth keeping secret. Anyone else could tell what it meant just by looking at the shape of the emoticon. It was just a simple code that passed between me and Mr. Taeseon.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“….”

Suddenly, Mr. Taeseon’s voice became tender. Just like before. The hand that had been gripping my neck also moved up gently to cup my cheek.

“Inyoung, does it hurt a lot?”

My body flinched. It was another long time since he had called me Inyoung. The moment I tried to reach out my hesitating hand toward him, his hand came back down and squeezed my throat tight.

“Gasp…!”

“Why, does it feel good to be treated like this?”

“Heuk, gasp….”

“Because you couldn’t stand it if Inyoung had even a speck of something good, you went so far as to steal even me. Are you happy because you stole even by killing? Hmm?”

My head felt like it was going to split. I couldn’t breathe. I struggled to survive. As I looked as if I were about to draw my last breath, Mr. Taeseon let go of my neck and grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling it.

“Pant….”

“You said so that day. The day you came to see me. That you were going to kill Inyoung. That you had a perfect plan.”

“….”

Did Inha say such things? That he had a plan? It was strange. Inha had no reason to kill me… No, Kim Sunkyung said it. That he wanted to kill me because of Mr. Taeseon. Was that sincere?

Even though he had so much, even though he had everything, just because of Mr. Taeseon….

‘No.’

My thought was wrong. It’s because I have these kinds of thoughts that I am good for nothing. In the first place, I was born by stealing and extorting everything from Inha. I wasn’t even a person. Perhaps I’m still not. I was born stealing Inha’s things and survived by stealing Inha’s things.

I must live my whole life feeling sorry to Inha. I should have handed this life over to Inha too. Survival instinct? That is truly just my own selfish emotion. I… Inha….

“What was that plan?”

“….”

Plan?

“The plan to make Inyoung disappear perfectly from the world. I’m asking what that was. You said so.”

Strength entered the hand holding my hair.

“That you would make Inyoung unable to endure it and commit suicide.”