SATURDAY 29

Mr. Taeseon slowly withdrew his extended hand. He wore an expression as if he had made a grave mistake. He had reached out as if possessed, and almost kissed me, but at my single word, he seemed to realize belatedly that this body was “Yoon Inha.”

Soon, his face twisted with self-loathing.

Exhaling a short, sharp breath, Mr. Taeseon turned around and walked out just like that. I could only stare blankly at his retreating back as he left as if avoiding something filthy.

∞ ∞ ∞

It took five days until my discharge. Professor Jang seemed to want me to stay hospitalized longer, but because there was no time that made one’s thoughts wander more than lying in a hospital with nothing to do, I left as quickly as possible. There was nothing good about thinking too much right now.

Mr. Taeseon’s appearance that day kept coming to mind. Regret crawled in, wondering if I should have just let him kiss me even if it was Inha’s body, and I fell into self-loathing because of that very thought.

Mr. Taeseon didn’t come in person on the day I was discharged, but he sent two employees. With their help, I packed my few belongings and returned home. A meal prepared by the kitchen manager sat lonely on the dining table. And…

“Shriek!”

“Li, Lili.”

From far away, Lili ran at an incredible speed and bumped her head against my ankle with a thump. Then, she rubbed her whole body against my legs and wrapped her tail around them, yet her cries were shouts of “Hiss!”, “Yip!”, and “Shriek!” as if she were extremely angry.

I immediately picked Lili up. Lili cried incessantly while rubbing against me. I had asked the household staff to take good care of Lili, and she seemed to have gained some weight over the few days… but in the short time since I brought her, Lili already seemed to have accepted me as family.

And she must have worried that I wouldn’t return.

“Sorry, sorry for being late, Lili.”

“Meow!”

“I went to the hospital.”

“Mrow…”

Surprisingly, when I said I had been to the hospital, Lili became quiet as if she understood my words. Then, after rubbing her face against mine, she began to lick my cheek. I smiled to myself, thinking that even to a cat’s eyes, my complexion must look poor.

While smiling for a moment, a strange feeling suddenly hit me. How long has it been since I laughed… I laughed often when Mr. Taeseon was by my side, and lately, I laugh occasionally when Lili is around. I couldn’t even remember how long it had been since I laughed just now.

In any case, I originally had a personality that didn’t laugh much. Maybe I laughed a bit when I was with my uncle. I would have been hated for laughing well if I did, but I wonder how much my family hated seeing me since I always had a sullen face.

“The Managing Director told me to make sure you eat immediately.”

“…Director?”

It felt strange that he was suddenly looking after my meals. It seems he wants to prevent me from being rushed to the hospital for malnutrition again.

Thinking it would be best not to cause unnecessary trouble, I went straight to the dining table. The employees looked relieved, greeted me, and returned to the annex where they stay when they have no specific tasks.

The porridge, covered with a lid in a small, thick ceramic pot, had barely cooled even though some time must have passed since it was made. I placed Lili on the table, a bit away from the food, and picked up a spoon.

It was abalone porridge, which Inha liked. It was dark in color because it was full of innards, and a thick fishy smell wafted up. I didn’t particularly like abalone or abalone porridge, but I could eat it…

“…Urgh.”

I definitely thought so, but suddenly my stomach turned. Running to the bathroom, I vomited for a long time. Even though only gastric juices came out because I hadn’t eaten anything, my overturned stomach wouldn’t settle.

“Mrowoo…”

Lili paced in front of the door, as if worried about me being in the bathroom. After a while, I washed my mouth and came out to hug Lili. As Lili’s warm body touched my stomach, my insides seemed to settle down a bit.

I contacted the manager via the intercom.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t eat the porridge… Could you clear it away for me?”

—Yes? Are you feeling unwell?

“My stomach is a bit…”

—Oh dear, what to do. I’ll go and clear it right away. But you should eat something.

Suddenly, white porridge came to mind. Plain white porridge with rice grains softly mushed together. Thinking about it made me want to eat it very much. When I tentatively asked the manager, “Then, could I ask for white porridge?”, the manager readily told me to wait just a moment.

I could have cleared it myself, but I couldn’t stand the smell of the abalone porridge at all. I went up to my room hugging Lili and closed the door. Should I have stayed in the hospital longer after all? My body doesn’t feel whole.

Then again, when was it ever whole.

“Me… me-e. Ooh.”

Lili, who I was holding, placed her front paw on my cheek. The soft texture of her pads and her smooth fur pressed firmly against my cheek.

“I’m okay now. Were you worried?”

“Mrow.”

“…R-really?”

“Mrow-row.”

Truly, sometimes it seems like Lili can communicate with humans. It was strange and admirable. As I kissed her large face, the nape of her neck, and here and there while stroking her, Lili made a “Mrow-row” sound, looking a bit dissatisfied.

A long while later, the manager knocked on the bedroom door.

“The meal is ready. Please come down and eat quickly.”

“Ah, thank you…”

When I said thank you, the manager’s eyes rounded, and she smiled slightly.

“Don’t mention it. Director, is it because the wedding is approaching… you seem to be in a very good mood.”

Only then did I realize my mistake. Inha almost never says thank you to the staff. He never used a soft tone of voice, either. Hearing that, the manager was surprised and spoke indirectly, saying I seemed to be in a good mood.

I still have a long way to go to become Inha. Is it because I don’t look in the mirror?

Since that day, I have been consciously avoiding mirrors. There are times I see myself by chance, but somehow, when I look, the face feels like my own face. How should I put it—it’s eerie, so I kept turning away.

When I went down to the dining room, freshly boiled rice porridge was set out along with a few side dishes. I reflexively started to say “I will eat well,” but realized that Inha wouldn’t say such a thing and silently picked up my spoon. This time too, Lili watched me from the table.

Some fur might fly… but it’s not like I’ll die from eating it.

The rice porridge had a comforting taste and went down smoothly into my stomach. I also picked at a few side dishes. Before I knew it, I was surprised to see I had eaten nearly half of the rice porridge in the single-serving pot. It far exceeded my usual intake.

After finishing, a pleasant fullness rushed in, and my body felt nice and warm. If I could always eat like this, I might be able to escape this scrawny body. Thinking that, I got up, hugged Lili, and was passing through the living room when I suddenly stood in front of a glass partition made of black glass.

‘I am, Yoon Inha…’

Again, an unknown sense of incongruity hit me. It feels like the person in the mirror is not Inha, but me after all. Is it because my soul, which occupied Inha’s body, perceives it that way?

But it was a strange incongruity that couldn’t be explained by that alone. I stared fixedly at the black glass reflecting an image like a mirror. What was I thinking earlier? That I might be able to escape this scrawny body…?

No, Inha wasn’t thin. He had a body that was just the right amount of lithe and beautiful. Not a pathetic, branch-like body like mine.

The identity of the incongruity slowly revealed its face. Why do I look so thin reflected in the glass? Why, every time I look in a mirror, do I see myself inside?

Seeing as other people around me don’t notice, perhaps the image I am seeing is not the reality. It only looks that way to my eyes.

“Right, Lili?”

“Mrow. Yowl.”

I wanted confirmation from Lili for no reason. Since, honestly, there’s no one else but Lili to confirm it. Well, Lili isn’t a person, though.

‘Should I try to meet my uncle…’

However, meeting my uncle wouldn’t yield any clever solution. Because my uncle also thinks of me as Inha.

I went up to the second floor. Entering the guest room, the space Mr. Taeseon gave to me, my energy drained away. I am a guest in this house. Until when? We’re about to have a wedding soon.

Come to think of it, not much time is left until the wedding. It should be a busy time, but because my parents are worried about my—Inha’s—physical condition and are preparing the necessary things themselves, there wasn’t much for me to do.

And it was already in a state where preparations were finished in advance. In fact, my parents probably wanted to replace everything prepared for “Yoon Inyoung” when the marriage partner changed to “Yoon Inha.” But they couldn’t do so because Mr. Taeseon pushed forward with having the wedding on a similar date.

At any rate, the wedding preparations seemed to be progressing steadily. Mr. Taeseon was also playing his part in his own way. I was the only one staying still, but since this was my wedding and yet not my wedding, I had no complaints about it.

Would it be right to say I had no motivation?

I lay down on the bed with Lili. I thought I had closed my eyes for just a moment, but when I regained consciousness, it was dark outside the window. It seems I had fallen asleep. Lili was sleeping soundly on top of my chest.

Just then, the notification sound for a car entering was heard. It seemed Mr. Taeseon had returned. I picked up the sleeping Lili and slowly… hoping to avoid bumping into Mr. Taeseon if possible, went down to the entryway.

The front door opened a little late.

And the moment the door opened, I faltered and stepped back. Mr. Taeseon slowly raised his head and caught a glimpse of a smile as he looked at me.

“…Inyoung.”

“….”

“Where did you go.”