SATURDAY 104

“Did Yoon Inha appear? At night? …Is that why you were suffering from sleep paralysis?”

“Um, yes…. But that’s not what’s important right now.”

Before I knew it, we were in the dining room. A simple breakfast spread and a blue centerpiece were neatly arranged on the table where Mr. Taeseon and I sat closely facing each other.

“Right, exactly. Though what you said first is technically more important.”

“Yes, it’s likely that doll at the ritual house. Because it burned up, Inha—should I say he lost his strength? I wonder if it’s become impossible for him to move freely. And he can’t receive help from the Shaman, either.”

Mr. Taeseon sat me down and tucked in my chair before moving to the opposite side. The basket full of freshly baked bread smelled wonderful, and warm steam rose in wisps from the pale yellow omelet.

While my attention was momentarily stolen by the omelet, Mr. Taeseon filled my cup with coffee.

“Ah, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. But… what you mean is, Yoon Inha’s actions have been restricted?”

I nodded slowly.

After pouring coffee into his own cup, he didn’t return the pot to the tray but shook it slowly with his hand. He seemed to be thinking about something. The pot must have been quite heavy, especially since it was more than half full of coffee….

“If it’s because the doll burned, that’s certainly possible. Since Shin Myeonghwa would have used that doll to carry out everything until now. …Eat up. It’s going to get cold.”

“Yes, you eat too, Mr. Taeseon.”

A quiet meal followed for a while. It wasn’t exactly a topic for discussion while eating. Mr. Taeseon naturally changed the subject, asking if there were any travel destinations I wanted to go to.

“Mmm….”

I tore off a piece of bread and popped it into my mouth as I thought. I had been abroad several times with my family, but as expected, that couldn’t be called a proper trip. My memories of all the famous tourist spots were painted over with dark colors, not very pleasant at all.

My head tilted to the side instinctively. Mr. Taeseon asking about travel destinations at this timing was likely because of the honeymoon.

Places famous for honeymoons…. Bali, Hawaii, Southern France, Southern Italy, Malaga. Travel destinations I had visited until now came to mind one after another, but I couldn’t remember anything, as if they had been blacked out.

“I’m not really sure. It’s fine if you decide whatever you like, Mr. Taeseon.”

“Haven’t you traveled quite a few times before?”

At those words, I stopped my hands. I couldn’t prevent a look of embarrassment from appearing on my face. What was I supposed to say?

I was just a porter and a servant, half-dragged along as Inha’s playmate.

In Hawaii, when I was eighteen, the police even came after a report of dating violence because Inha had bullied me excessively in the ocean. When I told them we were twins, they suspected domestic violence that time.

Talking about all that in detail was awkward and embarrassing. It also felt like I was wallowing in self-pity, so I wasn’t very inclined to do so.

Seeing me grow quiet, Mr. Taeseon seemed to guess the general situation; he raised both eyebrows once and held out a small piece of bacon to my lips. When I reflexively opened my mouth and accepted it, he smiled with a pleased look.

“Cute.”

“….”

What a direct compliment. Embarrassed, I looked away and moved my stalled hands to tear some bread and put it in my mouth.

“I’ll pick a few places and show them to you. Are there any places you particularly disliked? Do you remember that?”

“…Hawaii and Italy.”

In Hawaii, I struggled to cover for Inha in front of high-handed local police officers, saying it was all a joke and that he hadn’t done anything wrong. Moreover, I heard so many nasty comments from my parents and Inha about how I ruined the trip that it’s truly a bad memory.

Also, when we went to Italy, I wasn’t feeling well. My mother took quite a bit of care of me, buying me medicine with a somewhat flustered look and taking me to the hospital.

But that was only while we were there; after returning to Korea, I had to become the target of complaints and dissatisfaction for the whole family. On top of that, I even had to receive an exorcism ritual from the Shaman, who claimed I had brought something bad back with me.

I worried about what to do if Mr. Taeseon asked for the reasons, but fortunately, this time he simply cut a large piece of omelet and put it in my mouth.

Accepting the omelet without a thought, I struggled with the piece that was large enough to fill my mouth and still hot despite having cooled a bit, covering my mouth with both hands.

Mr. Taeseon calmly handed me some juice. My mouth was finally cooled by a sip of the cold juice he offered. After painstakingly chewing and swallowing the large piece of omelet filled with mushrooms, tomatoes, and chicken, I glared at Mr. Taeseon; he looked down, placed a hand to his lips, and chuckled. Chuckle, chuckle.

‘…Ah, again….’

Once again, I realized it belatedly. Mr. Taeseon had used travel talk as a guise of a joke to lift my sunken mood.

After that, we emptied our plates while talking about trivial things like what famous buildings were in which country and what color the ocean was in that land. For the brief time we talked about the honeymoon destination—wherever that might be—it felt like the worries that always sat in my mind like a boulder were completely forgotten.

After the meal was finished, I asked the staff for tea and went up to the second floor. Before the staff came up, I went into the bathroom, then went to get something to wear over my clothes because I felt a chill, acting strangely restless and busy. I thought I was being distracting myself, but Mr. Taeseon didn’t say anything.

After doing this and that, I came back to find that a staff member had already stopped by; two cups of hot tea, a pot on a warmer, and some simple snacks were placed on the table. For no reason, I caught my breath and sat down across from Mr. Taeseon.

Mr. Taeseon tilted his head.

“Why are you so nervous?”

He said that as he popped a small butter cookie, whose crumbs were crumbling away, into my mouth. After pushing it into my mouth with my fingers and brushing the crumbs off my lap and chest, Mr. Taeseon reached out his arm and removed a crumb stuck near my lip. The crumb, smaller than a fingernail, went straight into Mr. Taeseon’s mouth.

In that moment, I felt the tension that had stiffened my whole body once again melt away. Even when I first entered the room, I wondered if I could talk about Inha like this, but now it seems like I’ll be okay.

“Now then, we have to talk about Yoon Inha… does our baby want to come and sit on hyung’s lap?”

Acting like he’s thinking of me when he’s the one who wants me on his lap…. When I gave him a light glare, Mr. Taeseon burst into laughter again, as if he never grew tired of it.

But thanks to that, the tension was completely gone. Once I looked okay, Mr. Taeseon sat with his legs crossed and slowly tapped the armrest of the chair with his fingers. Tap, tap.

“It’s possible Yoon Inha is deceiving you, Inyoung. That fellow is quite skilled at lying, after all.”

“That… probably isn’t it. It’s true that Inha is good at lying, but he’s never deceived me until the very end. Mmm, even though that incident happened at the last moment, before that… it’s not that I trusted Inha, but Inha didn’t fall for my lies easily either. Maybe it’s because we’re twins.”

“Twins. I suppose so.”

Mr. Taeseon nodded with a dissatisfied face. I moistened my lips, which were already starting to dry, with the warm tea and reflected on last night’s events. That squelching, slippery sensation of that unrealistic flesh lying on top of me, the pressure of raw bones pressing against my skin, the grotesquely twisted limbs.

In that state, the words Inha spoke were tender. But I could tell it was all a false attitude, and therefore, the tenderer he was, the more skin-crawling it became.

However, there was nothing else he was hiding or deceiving me about. Inha was trying solely to win me over in a situation where he had no cards left in his hand. It didn’t seem like he had received any instructions from the Shaman, either. No, it looked as if he hadn’t been able to meet the Shaman at all.

While I was lost in thought, Mr. Taeseon waited quietly.

“…What do you think the Shaman was trying to do with my swaddling clothes?”

“I wonder. It’s certain she intended to use them for a ritual. Usually, first swaddling clothes are a symbol of well-being, aren’t they?”

“That’s true…. Which is probably why Mom gave them to me. Mom is….”

Was it really an easy task for Mother? It was Inha, whom she had thought of as her only son and raised with such precious care for twenty-three years. Until not long ago, even when she found out that I was also her real child, Mother loved Inha so much that she asked if I couldn’t yield my body to him.

Yet she gave me Inha’s swaddling clothes, which were clearly related to the Shaman’s ritual—as Mother herself thought—and which she had kept so dearly in such a beautiful box. She doesn’t know what Mr. Taeseon, who is by my side, might do with them, even if she doesn’t know about me.

“Inyoung.”

At the voice suddenly calling my name, I looked up and saw Mr. Taeseon staring at me with a serious face.

“…What is it?”

“Inyoung, your mother is.”

“….”

“She wants to atone to you. For the past twenty-three years. Your father would have surely wanted to do the same if he were alive.”

“….”

Mr. Taeseon’s words were unexpected. He disliked my parents very much, and he was the one who helped me cut ties with my mother after my father passed away. Yet to say such shielding words.

But I realized it soon after. This man was telling me this with a certain amount of sincerity, despite it being something he didn’t particularly want to say, in order to stabilize and comfort me.

Sometimes—no, quite often—this tender side of Mr. Taeseon served as a lifeline that saved me.

Atonement….

Mother, to me, atonement. On the scale, Inha and I each occupy one side. The side where Inha sits is much heavier. But the weight of guilt is added to the side where I am. And so the scale….

After being lost in thought for a moment, I stood up abruptly and went into the dressing room. Inside the drawer sat the red box I had brought from the main house. I brought it out with both hands and placed it on the table.

“Mr. Taeseon, this….”

Mr. Taeseon’s gaze was fixed silently on me. I hesitated for a moment but then opened my mouth.

“This, shall we burn it?”