SATURDAY 19

I don’t know what state of mind I was in until I returned home. Like a habit, I went and pressed myself against the wall, repeatedly bracing my hand against it every time I felt the slow swaying of the boat.

Perhaps they assumed I was depressed because I hadn’t yet escaped the shadow of my twin’s death, but no one dared to approach me. I caught a faint glimpse of two or three people whispering in low voices as they passed by. “He’s standing exactly like Yoon Inyoung…”, “I guess twins really are twins.”

A long while later, Mr. Taeseon glanced at me from a distance; he finished his smiling conversation with the person he was talking to and approached. Since he couldn’t change his expression the instant he turned around, he maintained his smile as he came toward me.

With his gentle face a few degrees warmer than usual, I had no choice but to feel my heart thumping like a fool. My heart fluttered as if things were like the old days, only to sink immediately after. Mr. Taeseon’s smiling face used to be so natural to me…. But after losing consciousness for a moment and waking up, everything had vanished.

Today, Mr. Taeseon left me alone the entire time. If his goal was to announce to the whole world that “he wasn’t keen on marrying Yoon Inha,” he succeeded. Although he exited while putting his arm around my shoulder at the very end, was there anyone who felt even a handful of something resembling affection from that performative act?

During the entire ride back in the same car, Mr. Taeseon exuded an overbearing pheromone from the driver’s seat. I shrank back more and more, and I even got motion sickness. By the time we returned home, my whole body was soaked in cold sweat, and I was barely suppressing a surge of nausea.

Mr. Taeseon got out first. After coughing with retches several times, I also got out and staggered toward the front door. Mr. Taeseon had already entered the house.

Inside, the living room was dim, with only the indirect lighting I had left on when going out. I had intentionally not installed a sensor light in the foyer, so it didn’t brighten even when the door opened. In that murky darkness, a small lump stood in front of the closed inner door.

I quickly turned on the foyer light and opened the inner door; Lili cried out long as if in protest. I hurriedly straightened my shoes and went inside. Lili made sounds like hwe, e-e, and at, rubbing his body against my ankles and thumping his head against me—a gesture mixed with both welcome and protest.

“Sorry, Lili, I’m late, right? Did you eat?”

“A-woo-oo.”

“Haha, you sound like a wolf.”

“Ek, meow.”

I looked at Lili, slightly surprised. It was the first time I heard this child cry “meow” so clearly. Even if I had heard similar sounds like yang or ya-ung before.

I picked Lili up and checked the feeder; it was emptied clean. Tucked in my arms, Lili wriggled and climbed up my arm and chest to sit perched across one shoulder. It was a position Lili loved.

In that state, I emptied and refilled the water bowl, checked the feeder’s status once more, and then looked up at the second floor. I heard the sound of water, as if Mr. Taeseon had already entered the bathroom.

With the cat on my shoulder, I crept up the stairs. Playing with Lili for a moment had calmed me down slightly, but the aftereffects of being exposed to the harsh pheromones still remained.

A lethargy throughout my body, similar to pain, tangled with the extreme exhaustion from the party, making my body feel like lead. Even Lili felt heavy.

The sound of water continued, but I walked on my tiptoes so the sound of my footsteps wouldn’t leak into Mr. Taeseon’s room until I reached my own.

It was still a desolate room, like a generic hotel. It felt even more so because, aside from filling the drawers and dressing room with basic clothing, I hadn’t placed a single personal item—not even a book.

The clothes felt stifling. When I put my hand to my ribbon tie, Lili hopped down onto the middle of the bed and wagged his tail. His soft, slumped shape was cute.

I changed into a robe and hung the clothes I had worn in the laundry area. I didn’t have the energy to wash up, so I was about to start the water in the bathtub when my phone rang.

Surely Song Sihyeon wouldn’t be calling already. I scratched my cheek awkwardly at the thought, though I hoped it wasn’t.

Of course, besides Song Sihyeon, there were many people who would call Inha’s phone. If it were one of them, it would be even more troublesome. I checked the screen with the intention of not answering if possible, then blinked. It was the shaman.

∞ ∞ ∞

The shaman’s knife passed right by my skin threateningly, as if it were about to touch me. The bells attached to the knife rang—jingle, jingle—and the long tassels brushed against my body. The low voice of the shaman reciting a mantra echoed continuously.

Then came a clang, clang—the sound of the blades clashing dozens of times—followed by the sign of her setting the knife down. What followed were small grains hitting my body.

“…!”

My body flinched involuntarily at the stinging sensation. I was used to it, but being used to it didn’t mean the pain stopped hurting. The shaman was sprinkling red beans and coarse salt over me.

The sound of the mantra grew slightly louder. How much time had passed? A brass bowl was placed in front of me.

“Inyoung, give your respects.”

I slowly opened my eyes, brushed off the salt and red beans clinging to me, and, while remaining in a kneeling position, slowly bowed my body toward the brass bowl. They said the bowl held the spirit of the god the shaman served.

“Did it hurt?”

“A little….”

In truth, it hurt more than usual. The shaman clicked her tongue and looked at me with a piteous gaze as if she knew everything.

“Of course it hurts, with a ghost inhabiting a living person’s body.”

“….”

The living person was Inha, and the ghost was me. In the end, it meant it hurt more because I was a ghost. Feeling strangely heavy-hearted, I cast my eyes downward.

The shaman, having put away the knives and sat down heavily in front of me, stared at me intently.

“Inyoung.”

“…Yes.”

How long had it been since I was called Inyoung? In reality, it had only been a little over a month, but it felt like the first time in a very long while that I was hearing “my name.”

The shaman continued to stare at me, then pulled my arm and took me into her embrace. I shrank back in surprise. From her embrace came the faint scent of starch from her crisp hanbok and the deep smell of incense permeated into her body. It had been a long time since I was held by her like this.

“Inyoung, you poor thing.”

“….”

“How much you must have wanted to live to do such a thing.”

“Bo—shaman.”

I called out to her reflexively. The moment I spoke, my throat grew hot and something surged up. Tears fell before I knew it.

“I know. Everyone wants to live. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. How much you must have envied Inha normally, hmm?”

“….”

It would be a lie to say I didn’t… envy Inha. Inha received the love of the entire household, was the only son of our family, and unlike me, was born as a human. But I also felt a sense of debt toward him. I was born having snatched everything away from Inha. Because of me, Inha had to live an ordinary life.

It was only natural for my parents to resent me. Since a beastly cub from who-knows-where, who wasn’t even their family, stole a womb to be born and made their only son that way.

“I… I am, shaman…. a beast. It’s all my fault…. I stole Inha’s fate, and now even his body….”

“It can’t be helped. Isn’t that the instinct of a beast?”

“Are you… really thinking that for me?”

I unintentionally spoke words of doubt toward her. But despite my words, the shaman held me tight as she answered.

“Of course, naturally. You are also my child whom I’ve raised since you were little.”

“shaman….”

This ritual was said to be for erasing me from inside Inha’s body and overlaying Inha’s soul onto it.

Since Inha’s soul had already crossed the Sanzu River and could not return, it was a ritual to collect the fragments of Inha remaining in the world and overlay them on me so that I would become “Inha.”

Furthermore, it was to evict me… Yoon Inyoung, from this body to make a place for Inha to enter.

While performing such a ritual, it seemed the shaman suddenly felt pity for me. Whenever she transferred Inha’s illness to me through a substitute ritual, she always told me she was sorry, and Professor Jang also took good care of me out of pity.

Professor Jang, who would visit the hospital room where no family member came to visit—even when it wasn’t time for rounds—to ask if I was okay, and the shaman, who went out of her way to visit the hospital; they were like a welcome rain to me.

“I… I’m okay, shaman. Though I am scared. I was the one who was supposed to die originally.”

“Yes. But you snatched Inha’s body.”

“Yes. I am keeping all of that in mind….”

“Truly, a kind and pitiful thing.”

The shaman said so as she stroked my head. Then, she let out a deep sigh and looked me straight in the eye.

“I am telling this only to you, Inyoung.”

“Yes…?”

“There will be a property dispute in your family.”

My eyes widened. A property dispute? My family was very harmonious. All the assets were going to go to Inha anyway, and there was no one in particular to even fight with.

When I was alive, they had thought of various plans like a waiver of inheritance to ensure all assets went only to Inha, but now that I was dead, there was no need for that. How could….

It was then.

“What on earth are you doing in my house?”