ASD 41

“…Huh?”

This time, Gijun’s eyes went wide. He had taken him home many times until now, but Gawon had never once opened the door wide, worried that he might see the inside of the old house. He had always sent Gijun away in a hurry from the front of the house as if chasing him off, so it was understandable that he was surprised.

“I’m telling you in advance… my house is really old and a mess. But it’s the only place to go right now.”

“I don’t care about that kind of thing.”

As if he were being taken to some incredibly nice place, Gijun was all smiles. Judging by his expression, he looked like a kid going on a picnic.

“But Gijun. You… weren’t you originally supposed to come last night? What happened?”

While waiting for the taxi, Gawon asked the question that had been on his mind the whole time.

“Ah. The training ended earlier than scheduled.”

“…I see.”

“The hyungs asked if I wanted to have lunch before leaving, but I missed you so much I couldn’t stand it. So I came running, and if I hadn’t, we would’ve been in big trouble.”

Gawon lowered his head with a heavy expression. If you had just had lunch with your hyungs there, you wouldn’t have gotten mixed up in this messy business. You came to school early because of me…

The taxi soon arrived. Gawon, who opened the back door and got in first, paused.

“Gijun. You…”

Gijun’s posture as he sat down was strange. He couldn’t straighten his upper body, nor could he rest his hips comfortably on the seat. Gawon was at a loss for words watching Gijun, who was shifting his position awkwardly and breaking into a cold sweat.

“…Just how much… how badly were you beaten?”

“Just a little… Ha, damn. This is so uncool, really.”

He had been smelling the distinct scent of blood for a while now, but he had hoped he was mistaken. However, Gijun just touched the nape of his neck and smiled awkwardly.

It felt like something was about to surge up and overflow in his heart. Biting his lower lip hard, Gawon grabbed Gijun’s arm.

“If it’s hard to sit, lie on your stomach. Take off your shoes… like this.”

It was practically impossible for his tall body to stretch out completely across the back seat. Gawon pulled Gijun’s wrist and had him lie on his stomach with his upper body on his lap. Gijun blinked, but he awkwardly lay down as Gawon instructed.

“Ah… this is nice.”

Gijun murmured while lying on his stomach on Gawon’s lap. The low voice rumbled through Gawon’s body where they touched. The heart resting against his thigh was beating fiercely and rapidly, like a drum.

“…Stay still.”

Gawon gave Gijun a gentle scolding, tapping his head. His leg twitched from the ticklish feeling each time the sharp bridge of Gijun’s nose brushed against his thigh and his warm breath touched him. Not knowing Gawon’s feelings, or perhaps knowing and doing it on purpose, Gijun took a deep breath against his thigh and slowly rubbed his face against it.

“What can I do if it feels nice?”

Turning the face he had buried deep in Gawon’s lap, Gijun made eye contact with him and grinned.

“What’s so nice about being in this state…”

Even when he chided him, Gijun pretended not to know and turned his head again. Then, he repeatedly rubbed his face against him like a puppy.

Below his neatly styled-up hair, the thick line of his neck was fully revealed. Through his thin t-shirt, his strong, broad shoulder blades moved slowly.

His arm started to hurt from holding an extremely awkward position, unable to find a place to put his hands. Gawon hesitated for a moment before placing his hand on his back. In that instant, Gijun’s playful movements stopped.

“…”

The silence he created held sincerity. Gijun’s heart beat this fast with just the touch of his fingertips. So much so that he forgot to breathe.

“Breathe. You idiot.”

Gawon murmured that and patted his back. Only with the gentle, comforting touch did the chest that had puffed up so largely deflate, letting out air. Even so, Gijun’s heart, which was pounding against Gawon’s thigh, showed no signs of calming down.

His palm grew warm. Feeling the astonishingly powerful pulse fully, Gawon quietly closed his eyes.

Gijun was here, right next to him. Holding such a warm body temperature. That fact soothed Gawon’s heart, which felt like it could burst at any moment.

“We’re here.”

The taxi stopped in front of a familiar alley. The darkness that had covered the alley had retreated, and the dawn was faintly breaking.

Gawon helped Gijun get out of the car. He smiled gallantly, saying he was fine, but he couldn’t hide his limp.

Stopping in front of the door, Gawon lowered his head. He had brought him here boldly, but now that it was time to show him the state of the house, he hesitated. He opened and closed his mouth several times before finally speaking.

“Gijun. My house is really a mess… you might be uncomfortable. But…”

“There you go again. I told you I don’t care about that kind of thing, didn’t I?”

A cheerful voice cut Gawon off. Gijun suddenly reached out and cupped Gawon’s cheeks.

“All I need is to be with you. Gawon.”

“…”

“That’s all I need.”

The corners of his mouth were stretched into a broad grin, but Gijun’s eyes were serious. Every word of his sincere feelings, delivered with clarity, dug into Gawon’s heart.

Gawon, who had been looking down for a moment, nodded. When he put the key in and turned it, a loud noise came from the old hinges. As he opened the door, the musty smell of mold hit them.

“…Come in.”

He brought Gijun inside. In the shoe cabinet were a few of his mother’s flashy heels and one of Gawon’s old sneakers. Gijun neatly took off his shoes and placed them beside them. Gawon pointed to the bedding spread out in the room.

“There… lie down on your stomach for now. I’ll get the first-aid kit.”

“Okay, okay.”

Because he often had to treat his mother, he was equipped with most emergency medical supplies. After washing his hands first, Gawon plopped down next to Gijun, who was lying stretched out on his stomach.

“Take off your pants.”

He gave the command indifferently and lowered his head, carefully applying ointment to the tip of a cotton swab. But when he raised his head, what he saw was not Gijun’s wound, but his dumbfounded face.

“What are you doing? I told you to take them off.”

“Wait a minute. Just a minute.”

Hoo, hoo… Gijun suddenly took a deep breath and abruptly closed his eyes. Then he started muttering something to himself. From what it sounded like, it seemed to be the lyrics of the national anthem, but it was absurd to see him reciting it not as a song, but like some kind of Buddhist chant.

“What are you doing? All of a sudden. I said hurry up and pull down your pants.”

…But, the national anthem? Something felt off. Don’t tell me this jerk… Gawon intentionally stared at Gijun with a cold expression.

“I’m not treating you.”

“Ah, no. I was wrong. I’m sorry. Gawon.”

He didn’t know what he had done wrong, but seeing him beg for forgiveness made him let out another chuckle. Even when he urged him to hurry up and take off his clothes, saying he understood, Gijun hesitated and couldn’t easily pull down his pants. It seemed there was some other reason.

Gawon crossed his arms and tilted his head.

“Now what.”

“Well, you know. Gawon. Maybe. Maybe if I just do it at home…”

“You want to go home now then?”

“No…”

When he asked with a blank face, Gijun quickly shook his head. While gripping the waistband of his sweatpants, he moved extremely sluggishly, as if reluctant. His veiny hand slowly pulled his pants down. And then.

“…”

Gawon’s gaze wavered terribly.

The cotton swab with ointment on it dropped powerlessly to the floor.

To be honest, from the moment Gijun started limping, and from when he smelled the strong scent of blood, he had been somewhat mentally prepared. But even so, his heart sank to the pit of his stomach.

The thighs revealed below his briefs were completely covered in wounds, without a single untouched spot. The injuries, barely covered with scabs, looked like the tracks of a black snake that had crawled over him.

The parts that hadn’t broken open were filled with bluish or purplish bruises. Gijun’s injuries were so severe that just looking at them made one frown and their knees go weak.

His fingers trembled, and his heart broke with devastation. Gawon couldn’t bear to look at the wounds any longer and lowered his head.

He didn’t understand why everyone hit Gijun so carelessly. Those jerks from back then, and this kid’s father, too. He was such a good and gentle kid if you just left him alone. Why was everyone so eager to tear him down? How could they do this to a person, and to their own son, no less…

“Gawon.”

“…”

A careful voice called out to him. Gawon bit his lip without answering.

“…Yoon Gawon. Are you crying?”

At the sound of his wet breathing, Gijun, who had been lying on his stomach, shot up. Then he hastily grabbed Gawon’s hand.

“Let go.”

“Gawon. I’m okay, for real.”

Gijun, who had hurriedly pulled his clothes back on, seemed flustered and tried to soothe and pacify Gawon. He pressed his face towards Gawon, who was stubbornly keeping his head down, trying his best. Seeing Gijun like that made him even angrier. What was okay, what in the world was okay about this.

“I’m really okay. Gawon. Don’t cry, okay?”

“…”

“I can take a punch. And wounds like this heal quickly. It’s not like I broke a bone.”

“You’re really…!”

The anger that had been tightly packed inside him exploded loudly. He was so angry he couldn’t stand it.

At Heo Yeonggyu, who was human trash. At the sunbaes who had ganged up on him. At his father who had beaten Gijun like this. And at Gijun, who was like a fool, an idiot, telling him he was fine even after being beaten like this.

“So why. Why did you interfere in my business. Why did you interfere and get like this…!”

No, actually, the real problem wasn’t with them. The one he was angriest at was himself. The kid was in this state because of him. Because he didn’t even have the strength to properly resist a piece of scum like Heo Yeonggyu. Because he had gotten Gijun involved in this mess.

“Why… why did you, let things get this bad. Why…”

He should have kept his distance from Gijun before it came to this. No, he shouldn’t have gotten close to him in the first place. If he hadn’t been with him, Gijun would never have ended up in this state…

Tears streamed down his face. He knew he shouldn’t be blaming this kid, but he hated himself for blaming Gijun with sharp, thorny words. Would Gijun still like him after seeing this selfish and pathetic side of him? After hearing these words, he probably wouldn’t be able to say that he was all he needed, like he did before…

“Gawon.”

A low voice filled the room.

“Gawon, look at me. Okay?”

A large hand approached, but he pushed it away. Gawon stubbornly kept his head down. He didn’t want to show his face, crying like this.

“Do you remember what you asked me last time?”

“…”

“You asked me why I do sports.”

Gijun didn’t ask why he was suddenly crying, nor did he argue about why this time it was his fault. Instead, he suddenly brought up something completely unrelated.