ASD 24

He parked his bike in the alley that had become familiar over the past few days and made a call. The call connected before the ringtone could even sound once.

—You, you… don’t tell me you really came?

He sounded dumbfounded. The tearful tone that had been soaked in his voice just a moment ago was now gone. That alone made the trip here worthwhile.

“Yeah. Can you come out for a minute?”

—You really…! I told you, I sent you so many texts telling you not to come!

“You did? I didn’t see them. Anyway, come out when you’re ready!”

He nonchalantly hung up and opened his messenger. As Gawon said, it was filled with words trying to dissuade him. What time do you think it is, the taxi fare will be expensive, I’m fine so you don’t have to come…

Gijun let out a soft laugh and put his phone in his pocket. The door to Yoon Gawon’s house soon creaked open.

“Gijun.”

Why is he dressed so thinly, how rushed was he coming out? Gijun narrowed his brows slightly. Even though it was spring according to the calendar, the predawn air was still chilly.

Tracksuit pants with terribly worn-out knees, and beneath them, defenseless, straight, and slender ankles. The feet slipped into slippers were white and small. Gijun watched Gawon hurrying towards him, took off his jacket, and draped it over Gawon’s body as he came to a stop.

“What… what are you doing.”

“In case you’re cold.”

“…I’m fine.”

His wide, round eyes were cute. It was natural given their size difference, but with his clothes on him, he looked just like a child swallowed up in an adult’s clothes. If he said that out loud, Yoon Gawon probably wouldn’t stand for it. He’d probably refuse to wear the jacket and give it right back.

“Gawon-ah.”

“…Yeah.”

“Why were you crying?”

He reached out and gently, gently touched the corner of Gawon’s eye. It was dry now, but his eyes were red and swollen.

The gaze that had been steadily directed at him wavered for an instant. Gawon looked down, slightly avoiding Gijun’s touch. Then he slowly shook his head and forced a smile.

“…It’s nothing.”

“Yeah.”

“…It’s not. I just… seem to have worried you for no reason. Making you come all the way here.”

Just when he seems to be revealing his heart, he shuts it tight. Just when he seems to be hesitantly taking one step forward, he gets startled and takes two steps back.

But Gijun didn’t find Gawon frustrating. He could understand. Because he was the same kind. Because they faced the world in the same way. It was just that their ways of expressing it were different. He, who acted friendly with everyone but couldn’t truly trust anyone, and Yoon Gawon, who couldn’t easily open his heart, were ultimately the same.

He was the only one who could understand Yoon Gawon, who was just like him. Likewise, the only person who could pinpoint his nightmares and gently touch him was Yoon Gawon.

“Gawon-ah.”

The low call spread through the quiet dawn air. Gawon’s eyes, which had been avoiding him, were now facing him again.

Gawon was pretty, looking at him so earnestly just from having his name called once. Gijun liked that about Gawon.

“You told me earlier. That I can call you anytime I have a nightmare.”

“…Yeah.”

“You call me, too.”

“……”

“If you need me, tell me anytime. I’ll come running like this every time.”

He was sincere. If this boy needed him, Gijun was confident he would cut through the predawn air and come to this alley again and again in the future.

Because Gawon was the first to break his nightmare. Because he told him he could call if he had a dream like that again. Because he had told him it must have been scary, and gently, gently comforted the young and powerless version of himself.

“…Anytime?”

“Yeah. Anytime.”

Gawon’s gaze dropped again. His lips, shining white in the moonlight, parted and closed, unable to form words.

“Is it… is it really okay?”

It was a reply that came after a long pause. Listening to his listless mumble made him feel strange. The corners of his heart grew damp and soggy, as if soaked by something. The wick of his heart was melting into a mush.

“Of course it is.”

So Gijun deliberately spoke in a firmer voice. And he grinned. He wanted to make this boy smile. He wanted Yoon Gawon to be cheerful and confident again, like when he would scold him to go away as he playfully pestered him at school. Not asking him for a favor in such a unconfident voice.

“Then, can I.”

“Yeah.”

“Just for a moment… even if it’s just for a moment.”

Gawon’s eyes, which had been dry and composed, flushed red. The ripples that had seemed to subside rose in his voice again. Gawon finally lowered his head completely.

“…Let me lean on you.”

One step, Gawon came closer. He could see the top of his head, hung dejectedly. Gijun’s large hand wrapped around his small back. Then he carefully pulled Yoon Gawon’s body, which was clenching its teeth and swallowing its sorrow, into an embrace.

“Come here.”

His white forehead touches his chest. The weight was so light that Gijun bit his lip.

Soon, the delicate shoulders trembled slightly. He patted the back, so thin he could feel the bones, with extreme caution. He could feel the breath of Gawon, who was crying with bated breath. Because the boy was in pain, he was in pain too.

Now, only Gawon’s pain was vividly visible before Gijun’s eyes. The nightmare that would stick in his head and torment him for days after he had it once had long since flown away. Gijun held the small, trembling, crying body in his arms for what felt like an eternity.

*

“Okay, so, which of the following is the correct explanation for (A). Let’s look at this problem together… Number 1, ‘The speaker’s negative perception of reality is revealed.’ Number 2, ‘The theme is embodied using various rhetorical devices’……”

The teacher’s monotonous voice sank into the drowsy air. A thick atmosphere of sleepiness hung over the classroom. It was the peaceful end of the 5th period.

Even before the teacher explained the solution, he had easily found the correct answer and checked it. It was three minutes before the end of class. Gawon, who had put down his mechanical pencil with a sense of satisfaction, finally lifted his gaze from the workbook. His eyes now turned to the very front, all too naturally.

Pfft. A small laugh escaped. Gijun was dozing off again today, as always. His head, bobbing up and down, was about to hit the desk with a thud. It was funny to see him like that, but at the same time, he felt a bit sorry for him.

He must be so tired, having worked out late into the night yesterday too. The text message he left saying he was heading home was sent close to midnight. The one he sent saying he was going to bed after showering was after 1 AM.

He said his match was not far off. On top of that, the midterm exams were also just a few days away. So, it was Gawon who had first suggested they reduce the number of times they meet at night until the match and the exams were over. He was a little disappointed, as meeting at night had become a habit over those few days, but they could do it again later.

Finally, the bell signaling the start of break time rang. The kids who would normally have shot out of their seats like zombies were all too overcome by a powerful drowsiness to get up, and remained slumped over their desks. Only a small handful of kids quietly stood up to go to the bathroom or the school store.

Gawon rested his chin on his hand and quietly watched Gijun’s back. Looking at his back, which was endlessly wide unlike his own, made him feel inexplicably reassured. When he was awake, he would always come to his seat and strike up a conversation or go to the school store together. It felt empty now that he wasn’t doing it, for whatever reason.

We can go together after school is over. He was about to tear his wistful gaze away and take out a workbook for another subject from his bag. Suddenly, the area near the back door of the classroom became noisy.

“Hey. Where’s Gijun.”

His shoulders flinched at the familiar name. Gawon turned around with surprised eyes.

“…Excuse me?”

“The bastard named Gijun is in your class. The transfer student. Where is he.”

“Th-there, at the very front.”

A few upperclassmen barged into the classroom, exuding a strangely aggressive atmosphere. They were so-called delinquents, whose names and faces were vaguely known even to Gawon, who had no interest in school gossip.

Four or five upperclassmen filed in and headed towards the front of the classroom. The kids who had been sleeping began to wake up one by one, rubbing their eyes, and the drowsy atmosphere of the classroom instantly became tense. Curious gazes, holding their breath, turned towards the upperclassmen.

Why are people like that looking for Gijun? Gawon looked up with an anxious expression. He found himself shifting in his seat. Just as he was hesitating about whether to wake Gijun up now or not.

“Hey, you fucker. Are you sleeping?”

Bang! At the sudden loud noise, Gawon’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his hand. It was before he could even grasp the situation. Gijun, who had been fast asleep slumped over his desk, couldn’t do anything to resist and had no choice but to fall sideways.

The guy sitting next to him jumped up from his seat in fright and moved away. The upperclassman who had kicked Gijun’s chair over kicked the fallen chair again, putting his weight into it. He was the biggest guy in the group.

“Hey, get up. You fucking loser.”

“Yeah. I heard you came to Kangjeon after wiping the floor with all the guys from Gwangyeom High. Let’s see it.”

“Crazy, a total psycho.”

The sound of snickering spread. The upperclassmen swaggered around, nudging Gijun’s body with their feet. Gijun slowly picked himself up and rubbed his face with his palm.

“Ah… fuck.”

His voice, completely submerged in sleepiness, was low and rough. It was a voice Gawon had never heard before. Through his long fingers, he could see his eyes, lazily half-opened. With a menacing aura on his face, Gijun let out a dry sigh.