NCBF Ch 25

“Wow, how do you know that? It really was 36.7 degrees.”

“My hand is a thermometer. I’ve been checking your fever since we were so young that now it’s automatic, automatic. Beep, 36.7 degrees, normal.”

Seeing Hyun Gyujin smirking, Yuwon’s heart fluttered again. Yuwon smiled back with a slightly awkward feeling, quickly escaped Hyun Gyujin’s shadow, and stepped off the elevator.

“Yesterday I was going to drop by once more to see if you were okay, but I got caught by my mom. She told me not to go, saying that if I went, you just wouldn’t get proper sleep. I mean, am I the kind of person who’d disturb your sleep?”

“Mm…. That’s right.”

“Wow, that’s harsh.”

Laughing at Hyun Gyujin, who made a genuinely hurt face, Yuwon grabbed his arm and shook it gently.

“It’s a joke.”

“…”

“Don’t pout…. It’s really a joke…. I know how much you went through because of me yesterday.”

“What ‘went through’. You’d do the same for me if I were sick. It’s a given.”

“Did you cheer up?”

“I wasn’t mad. I was joking too. I was just pretending to pout.”

Hyun Gyujin, who stretched the corners of his mouth and smiled brightly, slipped Yuwon’s bag off his shoulder and slung it onto his own. Then, out of habit, he stroked Yuwon’s back hair as if ruffling it, and finally brought his hand down softly to massage the nape of his neck a couple of times. The tips of Yuwon’s toes curled inside his sneakers.

“Ah, right. Jeong Yuwon. Did you dream about me again yesterday?”

The moment he heard those unexpected words, Yuwon’s heart dropped right down. Unable to even control his expression, Yuwon looked up at Hyun Gyujin with startled eyes.

“…What?”

“You said you dream about me, these days.”

“…I did?”

“Yeah. You said so yesterday. That I come out in your dream every day.”

Yuwon tried hard to recall yesterday’s events. When, just when on earth did he say such a thing to Hyun Gyujin? No matter how much he thought about it, everything else came to mind, but having such a conversation with Hyun Gyujin did not come up. Of course, he couldn’t know how far he had talked, or what, how much, and how he had said it.

“Did I… did I do that? Why don’t I… remember saying such a thing?”

“You were half-asleep though. It seemed like you thought talking with me was a dream too.”

Hyun Gyujin spoke casually, but Yuwon couldn’t easily accept this situation. It was because even though Hyun Gyujin didn’t know in what form he appeared in his dream and what things he did with him, Yuwon knew all too well.

“…What did I say? Just… that I’ve dreamed about you before?”

“Yeah. That I come out every day.”

“…Anything else?”

“That’s all.”

“Ah….”

Only then was Yuwon relieved. It seemed he hadn’t spoken of anything beyond that after all. Come to think of it, if he had said that in his dreams Gyujin kept touching him here and there and doing explicit things, Hyun Gyujin would never be able to say these things in such a plain tone.

“…Was it because my fever was too high. When running a high fever… sometimes it’s hard to tell whether it’s a dream or reality. That must have been the case yesterday….”

“I thought as much. But why are you turning so pale like that? What’s wrong with dreaming a little. I come out in your dreams often, too.”

“…How do I come out?”

“Just. Going somewhere together, plain stuff. Ah, before, we walked through a desert together all night.”

“Ah….”

Yuwon bit his dry lips out of guilt. It was a relief that he hadn’t said anything strange, but he couldn’t ease his mind. There was no guarantee that something like this wouldn’t happen again, and even if not that, he didn’t want to keep dreaming about doing things that couldn’t be done with a friend while looking at his friend with eyes that seemed not to view him as a friend anymore. He wanted to return to the time when he was honorable and confident toward both himself and Hyun Gyujin. To the time when, even if he dreamed, he could dream ‘plain’ dreams as Hyun Gyujin spoke of.

To do that…. First, his heart had to become the same as before. He shouldn’t feel a fluttering heart seeing his friend, nor should he feel a thump. Things like flinching at just a hand touching his shoulder, or feeling a churning sensation inside while drinking the citron tea his friend bought for him out of worry—these things shouldn’t happen anymore.

Sort it out. Right, if he sorted it out, it would be fine. It hadn’t been long since he felt this way either. The feelings of a friend felt for 18 years couldn’t be beaten by some half-baked emotion less than a month old.

“Spacey-Yuwon, spacing out again.”

“I wasn’t spacing out… I was thinking.”

“What thoughts? Thoughts of me?”

Hyun Gyujin tilted his upper body, met his eyes, and smirked softly. His heart, lacking all tact, thumped unfailingly. As if mocking Yuwon’s thought that he could sort out his emotions.

His strong determination that he would no longer feel a thump upon seeing Hyun Gyujin failed miserably. The thudding, the trembling, and that spine-chilling feeling whenever their hands touched were not things controlled by his will.

And naturally, his dreams didn’t go as Yuwon wanted either. The more conscious he became, the deeper the skinship in his dreams grew. Now clinging together had become a matter of course, and they even kissed all night with their lips touching, making smacking, kissing sounds. If there was one thing different from the very first time they kissed, it was that now Yuwon pushed his lips out a little too, exchanging smacking kisses together. Honestly… he liked it.

Days continued where he dreamed all night with ticklish and clammy feelings, blamed himself upon waking up in the morning, and grew anxious whenever he saw Hyun Gyujin. One day became two days, two days became three days, and when it passed half a month, Yuwon burst into tears in the bathroom while secretly washing his underwear. It was a dead end. The reality of washing his underwear while having explicit dreams about his childhood friend made him so upset.

He couldn’t concentrate on his studies, and since nothing tasted good to him, he even lost a bit of weight. His parents worried, asking if something was wrong, and Hyun Gyujin began to worry as well. Every time he saw Hyun Gyujin constantly asking if something was wrong or if he was sick, his guilt became too severe.

Yuwon had to make a decision now.

He liked Hyun Gyujin. To the point where he thought about dating him past the time of being 18-year friends. To the point where every time he looked at his face, those unconfident things he only did in dreams came to mind, and he felt like he wanted to actually touch him.

However, realistically, that was an emotion that didn’t make sense. There was no way Hyun Gyujin would like him with such feelings, and he didn’t want to break a solid friendship for a tiny 0.1% possibility.

Yuwon wanted to return to the past. To do that, he had to make the emotion he had already properly faced and even admitted—his feeling of liking Hyun Gyujin—into an isolated incident just for himself.

Yuwon agonized and agonized. He had to change his mind so Hyun Gyujin would look like a friend again… but honestly, no method came to mind on what to do. Because he had never liked anyone with romantic feelings before, it was so, so difficult. If he had experienced unrequited love even once, he might have known how that feeling fades… but he knew neither the direction nor the method. Yuwon had no choice but to blankly stare at his heart growing larger day by day without knowing anything.

Looking at Hyun Gyujin was painful, yet he liked it so much. The arm wrapping around his shoulders, the hand massaging the nape of his neck after stroking his hair, that face smiling while bending his upper body to meet his eyes at his height… he liked all of it. Because he liked it so much and felt so fluttered, when he was with Hyun Gyujin, his heart wasn’t suppressed even a little bit.

So Yuwon came to the conclusion that he should avoid seeing Hyun Gyujin as much as possible. Although it was a somewhat extreme and barely feasible thing… still, to calm his heart that went pit-a-pat just from holding Hyun Gyujin in his two eyes, he had no choice.

However, that was naturally no easy task. Being in the same apartment, same class, always commuting together, and hanging out together at the snack shop and during lunch, avoiding seeing Hyun Gyujin wasn’t easy either. But to be less pained, and to win back his friend, he had to try harder.

“I can’t go home with you today.”

“Why?”

“I decided to do academy homework together at Yunseong’s house before going to the academy….”

“Suddenly? You didn’t say anything like that.”

“…Yeah, the homework due today is hard…. I’m going to ask him a bit.”

Yuwon, who read the room with Hyun Gyujin who didn’t look too happy, quickly picked up his schoolbag and took a step backward.

“And Yunseong’s house is in the direction of our apartment too, so we can go together, so you don’t have to come after it ends.”

“…”

“…It’s exhausting for you.”