NCBF Ch 18

At the end of questions following one after another, Yuwon was faced with the most difficult and speech-depriving question.

So what do I want to do with Hyun Gyujin?

“…”

Right…. I knew I liked Hyun Gyujin, but so what do I want to do and how? He really couldn’t say a single word. Not a single thing came to mind. Yuwon, forgetting even to drink his banana milk, sat with the thin straw in his mouth, lost in thought blankly once again.

What do people do when they like someone…? The inside of his head tangled up in a mess. It didn’t seem like a particularly difficult question, but it was harder than a math problem with high points assigned to it. With math problems, as long as you memorize the formulas, you can at least guess a way to solve them, but with this heart that liked Hyun Gyujin, he had no idea where to start or how to approach it.

“…”

Sitting so blankly that he wouldn’t feel wronged even if he were called Spacey-Yuwon, Yuwon was startled by the sudden ringing of the doorbell and bounced up from the sofa as if spring-loaded. Since it was a tutoring day, they had decided to eat dinner together with Hyun Gyujin, and it seemed Hyun Gyujin had arrived while he was zoning out. Yuwon quickly went to the front door and opened it.

“My mom bought tteokbokki and told me to bring it.”

“Tteokbokki?”

“Yeah. The kind you like. In the basement of that McDonald’s building in the academy district, right there.”

Hyun Gyujin, who shook the paper bag containing tteokbokki, went inside and headed toward the kitchen. Yuwon followed the footsteps of Hyun Gyujin, who had been dominating his thoughts lately. He wanted to stop thinking a little in front of Hyun Gyujin, but even that didn’t go well. Was it because the person in question was right in front of his eyes? Rather, even more thoughts began to gather.

“Do you want to eat a hot dog first?”

“…”

“Mr. Spacey-Yuwon. Would you like to eat a hot dog?”

“…”

“Doggie. Let’s eat.”

Only then meeting his eyes, Hyun Gyujin smiled upon seeing Yuwon, pulled out a warm hot dog, and squirted ketchup on it. Yuwon, who had been pouting his lips slightly as if offended for being called a doggie, carefully took the hot dog and blew on it lightly.

“Who told you to zone out then? You ignored my words twice.”

“Still, what’s with ‘doggie’?”

“It’s cute. I like it.”

Even though he knew it was a phrase without much significance attached to it, Yuwon’s heart wildly shook and trembled at Hyun Gyujin’s words saying he liked it. Yuwon opened his small mouth and barely bit off a corner of the hot dog, which was larger than his mouth and couldn’t be put in all in one bite.

“…You eat too. I’ll do that.”

Watching Hyun Gyujin, who wasn’t eating himself but unwrapping the tteokbokki packaging and even plating the fried foods, Yuwon pulled out a hot dog inside the bag, squirted ketchup on it, and held it out to Hyun Gyujin.

“Ah.”

He hadn’t meant it in the sense of feeding him, but Hyun Gyujin, who opened his mouth while doing something with both hands, was cute. Yuwon, unable to do anything about his clattering heart without an answer, fed him a bite of the hot dog. Unlike himself, Hyun Gyujin easily bit off a large mouthful.

“Ah, delicious. Is it because I’m hungry?”

Unwrapping all the packaging and setting it up nicely to eat, Hyun Gyujin leaned his head toward Yuwon’s side again and opened his mouth. Even though he knew that since both hands were free now he could just give him the hot dog, Yuwon unwittingly fed the hot dog into Hyun Gyujin’s mouth once more.

“Now you eat it…”

“Why, you seem to like feeding me. You can keep doing it.”

Slightly glaring at him at his playful voice, Yuwon grabbed Hyun Gyujin’s hand and forced him to hold the hot dog stick. The moment their fingers touched, a tingly sensation was felt, but he didn’t show it. The reason was that he knew all too well that he was the only one who felt it.

“…”

Biting off another mouthful from the end of the hot dog, Yuwon glanced at Hyun Gyujin, who had finished off more than half of his hot dog while he himself had barely eaten two bites. Once again, the ultimate question drifted up in his head.

Do you like Hyun Gyujin?

“…”

I like him…. Up to that point, the answer came out easily. It was the result of going through a process that wasn’t easy. It was also the result of his heart melting and crumbling into emotions directed at Hyun Gyujin to the point where he couldn’t deny it.

Then what do you want to do with Hyun Gyujin, whom you like?

“…”

I…. I, with Hyun Gyujin…. Yuwon’s gaze deeply landed on Hyun Gyujin, who had finished eating one hot dog before he knew it.

What do people want to do when they like someone? Normally, one would want to get even closer to the person they like. They would want to become close, want to exchange even one more word… and think that they want to catch the other person’s eye.

However, Yuwon’s situation was a bit different. His relationship with Hyun Gyujin was already as close as it could possibly be. Also, they were close enough that there was no one who didn’t know that he and Hyun Gyujin were close. Without making efforts to exchange words, they could talk so easily, and they could eat meals together like this as two people. That meant these were all things he was already doing even before feelings beyond friends arose.

What else… do people do when they like someone? Yuwon, surprised by the fork abruptly reaching in front of him, raised his slightly bowed head and met eyes with Hyun Gyujin.

“…”

The corners of his lips rose refreshingly and a smile spread. The gaze that always landed straight was unwavering, and those eyes were warm. He liked it…. That smile, that gaze… that warmth.

He liked Hyun Gyujin. With a heart different from a friend. Once again, an unfamiliar and newly felt question arose and approached.

What do you want to do with Hyun Gyujin?

I want to touch him like in my dreams…. I wish he sat closer. I wish he stroked my neck while petting my hair…. Heavy like he did in the dream, making it hard to move… on top of me…

“Jeong Yuwon. Yuwon-ah.”

Hyun Gyujin’s voice penetrated in, the focus was set, and the world became clear. Looking at Hyun Gyujin, who was looking at him worriedly, Yuwon barely parted his trembling lips.

“…Huh?”

“Are you not feeling well? You seem to look tired. Let’s see if you have a fever.”

A large hand covered his forehead. Strength completely drained from his body and his lower abdomen churned. His thighs, which had been slightly separated, gathered tight without a gap, and his toes inside his white socks shrank back.

“You don’t have a fever, though.”

“…I’m not sick. I was just thinking about something else for a bit…”

“Darling, you’re too much. Thinking about something else with me right in front of you.”

Hyun Gyujin, who handed Yuwon a fork with tteokbokki speared on it, grinned playfully. Even at that familiar smile, his heart thudded heavily. Hyun Gyujin didn’t look like a friend.

“…”

To make it like in his dreams, what should he do so that it wouldn’t look like strange behavior? A relationship where it’s okay for Hyun Gyujin to touch and hug him…. A relationship where that’s natural. One where an answer like ‘friends’ could absolutely never come out.

“…”

Friends can’t do it, so then what kind of relationship must it be to be able to do it? Discovering that answer wasn’t difficult. Because it’s an answer anyone can give even if they’ve never done it before.

…A dating relationship. So….

At the clear answer revealed in the place where the name ‘friend’ was erased, Yuwon’s heart thudded down heavily. It seemed that he wanted to date Hyun Gyujin.

∞ ∞ ∞

Dating…. Yuwon, who secretly rolled the word around inside his mouth without daring to utter it aloud—a word that contained two circle consonants, making it round and thus even ticklier—raised his head in surprise at the sound of someone tapping on the desk.

“Yuwon-ah. Why can’t you focus today like this?”

“Ah…. I’m sorry…. I’ll focus.”

“Because you’re not focusing, you got a problem wrong that you have no reason to get wrong. Look at this. Up to here, you substituted the formulas perfectly fine and did everything well, but because you wrote one number wrong here, an absurd answer came out. Getting it wrong because you don’t know isn’t even unfair. If you do all this and lose 3 points due to a mistake in basic stuff, it’s really unfair. Let’s focus when solving problems.”

“Yes….”

Yuwon, becoming gloomy, looked over the solution process, solved it properly again, and checked the answer. Ever since realizing that he wanted to do things with Hyun Gyujin that were… things he couldn’t even put into words, and that to do those things they had to date, he had no mind left at all. Sitting here together with Hyun Gyujin right now was to the extent of being a miracle.

“Let’s stop here for today. These are only questions culled from past mock exams every single time, so solve them by next class. Next time, I’ll grade this and we’ll take a test on applied problems.”

Receiving the question sheet and putting it into his file, Yuwon let out a deep sigh. Wondering if it was because he admonished him, Lee Junseo, who looked at Yuwon, smiled and changed the subject.

“No questions? You can ask about dating stories too. Honestly, I have so much to say that I’d like it if you asked.”

“Huh? Dating?”