NCBF Ch 31

Slowly walking to his room, he collapsed onto his bed and closed his eyes. In the darkness, Hyun Gyujin, who always did nothing but laugh with him in his dreams, flickered into view. Just the thought alone caused his thighs to squeeze tightly together and tension to course through his body. Recalling Hyun Gyujin’s touch from moments ago—holding his shoulders and gently massaging them—Yuwon lowered his hand between his legs.

It seemed that today, of all days, was destined to be the day he confronted every kind of guilt he could possibly harbor.

∞ ∞ ∞

Jeong Yuwon had become strange.

Looking at Yuwon recently, Hyun Gyujin came to that conclusion. Although it might seem like a lazy conclusion, no words other than “Jeong Yuwon has become strange” could describe this situation. Because Jeong Yuwon really had become strange.

First, the way he looked at him had become strange. For starters, he couldn’t make eye contact properly, and even when their eyes did meet, after enduring it for just a brief moment, he would frequently turn his gaze away or look down. Of course, it wasn’t like they stared into each other’s eyes the entire time they talked, but compared to before, it felt as though the times he failed to make eye contact had dramatically increased.

Second, Yuwon had strangely begun to avoid him. Out of nowhere, he would claim he was going to Lee Yunseong’s house to do homework, or he would leave the classroom saying he was having dinner with an academy friend he had never met before in his life. Also, on Saturdays, he said he was sleeping all day because he was tired, and on Sundays, he said he had to do that damn academy homework, not giving him even the slightest opening. He acted like a person who had set a firm goal never to meet him on the weekends.

Of course, just because they were close didn’t mean they had to see each other on weekends and do things together, but considering the 18 years—the time they had spent bound together as friends from the moment they were born, whether they remembered it or not—this was something that made no sense.

Even when they rested, they always rested together, and it was so natural for them to sleep late into the evening, wake up, and spend time eating a combination of dinner and a late-night snack together, which made Yuwon’s sudden aberration feel all the stranger.

No matter how worried he was about becoming a high school senior and how strong the pressure of college was, this made no sense. Avoiding him didn’t mean his grades would go up or that he would get into a good college, so he couldn’t understand why he was suddenly behaving like this.

Third, every time he touched him, Yuwon would jump in surprise. The top two points could be concluded as him overthinking things, but this one was non-negotiable. Looking at this single point alone, Yuwon had definitely changed and become incredibly strange.

Even if he simply draped an arm over his shoulder or leaned his body forward, Yuwon would flinch repeatedly and step back. He hadn’t made any kind of threat, nor had he done anything wrong, yet Yuwon kept hunching his shoulders and avoiding his gaze.

There were a few situations that immediately came to mind. Before, when they were going home together after academy, he had simply leaned in to prove that he didn’t smell like cigarettes, only to see Yuwon pull back sharply, which honestly left him a bit flustered. To be even more honest, he felt hurt. Feeling as though his distance from Yuwon had suddenly widened nagged at him, making his heart feel heavy.

And when else was it again? Just touching his shoulder made him flinch in surprise, and whenever their faces met up close, Yuwon would pull his body back so noticeably.

The fourth strange thing was the dream. That Jeong Yuwon was dreaming about him. At first, he thought it was just a joke, but the last words Yuwon had said while flushedSlowly heading to his room, he collapsed onto the bed and closed his eyes, and Hyun Gyujin, who always did nothing but smile with him in his dreams, flickered in the darkness. Just thinking about it made his thighs squeeze tightly together and tension sweep through his body. Yuwon lowered his hand between his legs, recalling the touch of Hyun Gyujin’s hand that had been holding and softly massaging his shoulder just a moment ago.

It seemed that today was a day where he had to face every kind of guilt he could possibly harbor.

∞ ∞ ∞

Jeong Yuwon has gotten strange.

Hyun Gyujin recently arrived at that conclusion while looking at Yuwon. Although it seemed like a very half-hearted conclusion, there were no words that could explain this situation as well as saying that Jeong Yuwon had gotten strange. Because Jeong Yuwon really had gotten strange.

First, the eyes looking at him became strange. First of all, he couldn’t make proper eye contact, and even if their eyes met, there were many times when he held out for just a brief moment before turning his gaze away or casting his eyes down. Of course, it’s not like they only looked into each other’s eyes while talking, but compared to before, it felt like there were somehow way too many times when he couldn’t meet his eyes.

Second, Yuwon strangely started avoiding him. Suddenly, he would say he was going to a guy named Lee Yunseong’s house to do homework, or he would leave the classroom saying he was having dinner with a hagwon friend he had never even met before in his life. Also, on Saturdays, he said he was going to sleep all day because he was tired, and on Sundays, he said he was doing that damn hagwon homework, giving him not even the slightest gap. He acted like a person who had set a firm goal never to meet up with him on weekends.

Of course, just because they were close didn’t mean they had to see each other on weekends and do something together, but considering the 18 years—that is, whether he remembered it or not, the times they had spent together tied as friends since birth—this was something that made no sense.

Even when resting, they had always rested together, and waking up after sleeping late into the evening to spend time eating dinner and a late-night snack together was so natural, which made Yuwon’s sudden deviation feel all the stranger.

No matter how worried he was about becoming a high school senior and how strong the pressure about college got, this made no sense. It wasn’t as if avoiding him would raise his grades and get him into a good college, so he couldn’t understand why he was suddenly acting like this.

Third, every time he touched him, Yuwon would get startled greatly. The two things above could be concluded as him thinking too sensitively, but he couldn’t yield on this one. Looking at just this one thing, Yuwon had definitely changed and gotten extremely strange.

Even just by putting his arm over his shoulder or leaning his body forward, Yuwon would flinch repeatedly and step back. He hadn’t applied any kind of threat, nor had he done anything wrong, but he kept shrinking his shoulders and couldn’t look him in the eye properly.

There were a few situations that immediately came to mind. Before, when they were going home together after hagwon, he had simply leaned down to prove that he didn’t smell like cigarettes, but seeing Yuwon pull back sharply, honestly, he had been a little flustered. To be even more honest, he also felt hurt. It bothered him that his relationship with Yuwon suddenly felt distant, and his heart was heavy.

Also, when was it again? Even if he just grabbed his shoulder, he would be startled, and whenever they faced each other close face-to-face, he would visibly pull his body back sharply.

The fourth strange thing was the dream. That Jeong Yuwon was having dreams about him. At first, he thought it was just a joke, but those last words Yuwon said while feverish kept swirling in his head. Not only was he appearing in his dream every day, but he kept touching him, and thinking about how he said that place was his waist was driving him crazy, and those words that were cut off because his mom came also stuck in his head and wouldn’t fall away.

‘Inside my clothes, your hand keeps…’

Looking at the context of touching somewhere, the words that would follow were probably ‘Inside my clothes, your hand keeps… getting put in.’ There were no other words that could come out besides this.

“…”

The reason he didn’t tell Yuwon that he had heard up to that point was simple. At first, as a joke, and then, because he was curious about Yuwon’s circumstances of being overly flustered that he knew about the dream. To be a little more honest, because it felt like he shouldn’t just say it.

“Are you turning into Spacey-Yuwon, too? Just spacing out continuously.”

Hyun Gyujin, who shifted his gaze toward Kim Junjae and Choi Haeyoung sitting by the window smoking, jumped up and approached the two. Hyun Gyujin, who indifferently looked down at Kim Junjae sitting on his chair looking up without knowing what was going on, reached out his hand just like that, stroked Kim Junjae’s hair a couple of times, and massaged the back of his neck. Just like he did to Yuwon.

A silence lingered inside the art room. Kim Junjae looked up at Hyun Gyujin at a loss for words, and Choi Haeyoung blankly witnessed the situation, not even knowing that cigarette ash was falling to the floor.

“…What is it?”

“How is it.”

“Are you crazy?”

“How is it, I asked.”

Kim Junjae, who roughly put out his cigarette on an art room chair, threw the butt away, stood up from his seat, and violently rubbed the back of his neck where Hyun Gyujin’s hand had touched.

“Ah, crazy! Wow, fucking chilling. Are you out of your mind? I’m not Spacey-Yuwon, you know?”

Hyun Gyujin, who looked at Kim Junjae as if he knew that would happen, approached Choi Haeyoung this time. Choi Haeyoung, in order not to suffer a mishap like Kim Junjae, stayed far away and waved his hands forward.

“Ah, don’t come! Why are you doing that all of a sudden? Are you out of your mind?”

“Yeah. Usually, people act like this. This is right.”

“What?”

Stopping his steps toward Choi Haeyoung and perching on a chair, Hyun Gyujin crossed his long legs and fell into thought.

“Hey. Grab my shoulder.”

“Ah, why! Are you really out of your mind?”

“I have something to ask, that’s why.”

“Ask with words.”

“Won’t I know more accurately if I see it with my eyes?”

Choi Haeyoung, who approached with suspicious eyes, lightly, extremely lightly grabbed Hyun Gyujin’s shoulder. As soon as that hand touched him, Hyun Gyujin flinched his shoulder and dodged his body just like Yuwon had done to him.

“What is this kind of thing? Acting like this when a hand touches. You know because you’ve done it a lot.”

“Ah, it was this kind of thing? You should have said it was that side from the beginning.”

Choi Haeyoung, who became full of confidence as a topic in a field he knew well came up, climbed onto the chair next to Hyun Gyujin.

“To talk about this, I can’t help but talk about my first relationship 3 years ago….”

“Piss off and only answer what I asked.”

“Ah, damn, you sure ask for a fucking lot. What else could it be? It’s either scared or turned on, one of the two.”

Hyun Gyujin, who was thinking of an answer along the lines of ‘Is it because he’s nervous?’, was lost for words for a moment at the more provocative words. Scared or turned on. Because both were not emotions Yuwon would feel toward him.

When they were younger than now, there were many times when they lay on the same bed, almost tangled together. He would lie on Yuwon’s thigh to read comic books, and Yuwon would also lie down with his head on his stomach to read comic books before falling asleep. Stroking his hair, putting an arm around his shoulder, or massaging the back of his neck were just incredibly ordinary, natural daily actions.

Like Yuwon said when he was sick, if he suddenly touched his waist, of course he would be startled and avoid it, but flinching his body or avoiding actions they had done naturally since childhood was incomprehensible. Besides….

“…”

It wasn’t something for his ears, face, and the back of his neck to turn red over, either. Ah…. That’s right. Hyun Gyujin recalled Yuwon, who turned red here and there whenever he touched him or got close to him. At the time, he thought it was because he had a fever, but thinking about it now, it didn’t seem like it was because he was sick.

“Why. Is someone acting like that to you?”

“Yeah. They weren’t like that before, but that, too, happened all of a sudden.”

“What kind of relationship is it. A fling?”

Why does every answer come out toward a fling or romance when it comes to what he says? Hyun Gyujin just lightly shook his head and kept his mouth shut. Even though he heard a plausible answer from Choi Haeyoung, who dated to the point of being sick of it, he couldn’t easily accept it.

Even if he assumed it was because he was scared, he couldn’t understand. Why would Yuwon suddenly be scared of him? Yuwon had never once been scared of him. If anything, it was he who was scared of Yuwon; he could say with certainty that Yuwon was not scared of him. There was no way that could happen, nor could it be.

If so, the one remaining answer was….