PAX 38

If I end up masturbating every night while imagining Ahn Yutan crawling in through the window.

🎈🤍

We lay side by side, staring at the ceiling. So this is how exhausting intense sex makes a person. A strong desire to just fall asleep like this took hold, but I had to go home.

Though he talked about a “lunch date,” it was obvious that Ahn Yutan had brought me along simply because he was bored driving to Seoul alone. Since I’d spent about two hours in the car with him and we’d had sex, and there were no leftover french fries or anything to finish, I figured he wouldn’t be as stubbornly clingy as last time.

I glanced over; Ahn Yutan had his eyes closed. I watched him carefully, confused as to whether he was asleep or just keeping his eyes shut.

“Are you infatuated with me?”

Ahn Yutan asked abruptly.

I turned my head toward the ceiling, then sat up. Ahn Yutan hit my hip with his fist.

“I asked if you were infatuated, you idiot.”

“No.”

“Then why are you staring at me like you’re trying to bore a hole through me?”

“I was looking to see if you actually would.”

Ahn Yutan giggled. I went to the bathroom, washed up briefly, returned to the room, and got dressed.

“Lend me some money.”

“You haven’t even paid back what you borrowed last time, what nerve do you have to ask for more?”

“I told you I’d bring money from the Pachulso to pay you back, but you dragged me here out of the blue.”

“Then why do you leave your money at home? You should always have it on you in case you don’t know when or where you’ll need to pay someone back. Why are you dumping your dereliction of duty onto others? Do you think everything will work out if you just blame others like that?”

I stood there fully dressed, looking at Ahn Yutan, and swallowed a sigh.

“I’ll do that from now on, so just lend it to me.”

“What for?”

“To use for cab fare.”

“Why do you need cab fare?”

“Because I have to go home.”

“Who said you could go home?”

“…Me?”

Ahn Yutan threw a pillow at me, and I quickly caught it.

“Why does your decision matter here? You’re my guest who came to my house; I’m the one who decides when you come and go, you fucker. What kind of nonsensical bullshit are you spouting? Who gave you permission to decide whether you’re going home or not?”

You’re the one who’s spouting bullshit, you fucker.

“I fucked you so hard you were screaming, and you don’t even have a word of thanks? Are you treating me like some sort of whore, trying to bolt the second we’re done fucking? Are you even human? Am I some kind of human dildo to you?”

Ahn Yutan got up, put on his underwear, walked past me, and went to the kitchen.

“Come out here, I’ll shove it down your throat too.”

I threw the pillow onto the bed and followed him; Ahn Yutan was rummaging through a large bag on the dining table. It seemed he had ordered food at some point.

Round, large takeout containers came out. Underneath the clear lids, I could see slices of sashimi arranged neatly. The containers that followed were filled with sushi, fried food, and salads.

“Come here and sit down. Let’s have our lunch date.”

Ahn Yutan glared at me, jerking his chin toward the chair across from him.

It felt a bit late to be calling it “lunch.” And judging by the amount of food, the word “feast” seemed more appropriate than “date.”

I went and sat across from him, and together, we peeled the lids off the containers one by one.

“It’s all gone cold.”

Ahn Yutan muttered as he took a bite of the fried food.

“Still, it’s free, so quit your yapping and eat it gratefully. Huh?”

I hadn’t said a word, but he was like this.

“You know the rule, right? If you don’t eat all of this, you’re not leaving.”

I let out a hollow laugh.

“I appreciate the treat, but I really have to go home today.”

“Is it because you’re a pigeon? Your homing instinct is top-tier.”

“I have to go.”

“Who said you can’t? If you want to go, then lick every last crumb of the fried food clean. Then you can go.”

I looked over the food set out on the table, then looked at Ahn Yutan.

“Can I get this to go?”

“Do you think that’s going to happen?”

I thought for a moment.

“You could save the rest and eat it later.”

“Is my mouth a trash can, you fucker? Do you want me to do your leftover disposal? Is that the kind of thing you say to the person treating you to such a banquet?”

“Alright. Let’s just eat.”

Opposing the whims of that psycho was a waste of time. For now, I just had to eat.

Ahn Yutan, who had been watching me eat, soon started eating himself.

“What were you doing up on the mountain?”

Ahn Yutan asked.

“Sightseeing.”

“Sightseeing what? All you can see are factories, a crematorium, and a landfill.”

“Well, at least you can see something.”

“Are you doing that because you miss your ex-boyfriend? Because he was cremated there?”

Though I knew he was cremated at that crematorium, I didn’t answer. It wasn’t even certain whether Yonghee was actually cremated there or not.

“Ah, was he not cremated, but dumped in the landfill? Or maybe a meat packing plant?”

I slowly stopped chewing.

Why is he saying things like that?

Does he happen to know something I don’t?

I looked at Ahn Yutan, but he was eating with a carefree face. It wasn’t the expression of someone who said that while knowing something and trying to probe me.

But the person in question is Ahn Yutan, so one never knows.

“Ah, fuck, you really are infatuated. You’re staring way too hard.”

Catching my eye, Ahn Yutan roared with laughter.

“Don’t be impatient. I’ll fuck you again after we’re done eating.”

“Are you perhaps….”

I spoke impatiently, then shut my mouth. The question itself is complicated. What should I ask? I can’t ask if he knows how Yonghee’s body was disposed of. It would make it too obvious that I know nothing about the Pachulso’s business.

But I was curious. I wondered if Ahn Yutan knew something about my Mom and Dad. Something related to the parts about the two of them that I kept suspecting.

Ahn Yutan must have done background checks on both me and the whole Pachulso family. Perhaps he knows something about Mom and Dad that I don’t.

What could that be? Is there really something I don’t know?

“Perhaps what?”

Ahn Yutan, who was looking at me, asked.

I hesitated, then opened my mouth.

“Do you know the Pachulso director and his wife?”

I asked a question that circled around the core of the issue.

“Your mom and dad? I know them, why wouldn’t I?”

“Do you know their faces?”

“Yeah. Why?”

I bought myself some time to think by chewing the sushi I’d shoved into my mouth.

“Just curious how much background research you’ve done on us.”

Ahn Yutan smirked and held out his open palm.

“You can assume the entire Pachulso family is inside this palm.”

“Even the director and his wife?”

“Of course. Every last one of them, without exception.”

My heart began to pound a little.

“How much do you know?”

I tried my best to keep my slightly impatient feelings from showing on my face.

“Why would you think I’d tell you how much I know?”

“I can verify whether you know it well or not.”

“Would you even tell the truth? You’d just lie through your teeth and try to dodge it by saying everything I investigated is wrong.”

“Why would I do something like that?”

“Because your ego would be bruised by being completely exposed.”

How could I get him to spill it? I ate some sashimi while thinking.

“Ji Wan-soo, 59. Yoo Mi-ryeong, 62. During the period when cannibalism was rampant, they were locked in a fasting retreat and were the only two to escape. They lived as drifters, then set up shop in the abandoned Pachulso.”

Ahn Yutan said this, then crunched on a piece of pickled ginger. That much was a story I already knew.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“They didn’t make a kid by fucking, they just picked up abandoned kids from all over and raised them. They are a married couple on the family registry, but they aren’t putting the kids they picked up on the registry, just keeping them in long-term foster care. Even so, they call the kids their own children. And then, as the kids kept piling up, they became completely sexless.”

There was a part I didn’t know. Because I don’t know whether Mom and Dad have sex or not.

Still, this isn’t why I’m asking.

“They use the foster kids as sex slaves inside the house. The god they believe in is the god of sex, so every night they all get naked, sing weird songs, cry, take drugs, and have group orgies. They’re a bunch of perverted, trashy, psycho cultists.”

“That is completely false information.”

Ahn Yutan giggled.

“How would you know whether it’s false or not?”

“Because I live there.”

“What if that’s what they’re all doing while you’re asleep, minus you?”

Forget it. He’s of no help.

I picked up several pieces of sashimi at once and shoved them into my mouth.

“Can’t you eat in a more refined manner? One by one?”

Ahn Yutan swatted my chopsticks, which were holding a bunch of sashimi, with his own. The sashimi fell in a heap onto the plate.