PAX 31

“I’m not sure, but I think there was talk about someone seeing something rather disgusting like that. Maybe it was something showing how they tore into flesh and ate it back then?”

“Ugh, stop. No way.”

“But it sounds plausible. Anyway, it’s a tour, so they’d definitely show something provocative. Maybe you could even experience eating human flesh or something like that.”

“Wow, I really hate that. Why do they just leave a place like that alone? Why do they let tours like that happen?”

“My point exactly. Isn’t it creepy? It’s like they’re trying to sneak in and live among normal people too. Even though they’re the ones who ate human flesh.”

“Right. There are people who say the second generation there shouldn’t be discriminated against, but honestly, there’s a reason why you shouldn’t associate with them, right? They were born and raised by those sickos who ate human flesh, so how could they be the same as normal people? Something must be wrong with them, surely. They said mad cow disease happened because cows ate cows. Who knows when the brains of those second-generation kids might suddenly go wrong and they turn…”

“Can you drop me off here?”

The driver slowed down and asked me, sitting right behind the driver’s seat. I could see the ruins in the distance. I was curious to see where and how the conversation about the Nagun District would drift, but I had no choice but to get off the bus.

There was some truth to what they said, and some things that weren’t true, but I didn’t feel the need to jump in and correct what was wrong.

It is true that there is something like a “birthplace of the infected” in the Nagun District. It’s a place that has been turned into a museum, the house where the first leader of the Guardians—Ahn Juik’s father, that is—lived before he moved into the Guardians’ headquarters to live. I understand it was just empty, but they spruced it up when they started accepting tourists.

I’ve never been inside, so I don’t know if there are “models of human flesh” in there, but obviously, there’s no way such things exist. Not to mention things like “human flesh eating experiences.” The people of the Nagun District are more sensitive about that past than anyone else, so if you think about it for even a second, you’d realize there’s no way they would include such things in a tour course.

As for the claim that who knows when the second generation’s brains might go wrong and they might turn… well. I don’t know. If something like cannibalism were to happen again, I don’t think it would necessarily start with the residents of the Nagun District. It appeared suddenly, disappeared suddenly, and they said they still don’t know what the cause was, so couldn’t it happen randomly like that again? Regardless of whether they are infected, second generation, or outsiders—from anyone.

Still, that’s just my opinion, and I know well that many people still think that way. That is why I understand why the residents of the Nagun District stick together so tightly and obsess over their own laws and rules, and why the Guardians chased away the Association for the Abolition of Discrimination in the Nagun District, which had proposed moving out of isolation.

They said the reason the Pachulso family was accepted into such a Nagun District was that we were a group that was “drifting in the middle.” Because we were different from ordinary outsiders. And above all, because we had absolutely no fear or aversion toward the Nagun District.

It was like that from the start, and it is still like that. I feel the same, and all the members of the Pachulso family do not feel fear or aversion toward the residents of the Nagun District. How did it end up like that? I think I learned it from Mom and Dad. Very naturally.

It was only after walking for about 30 minutes that I arrived at the Plaza Building in the ruins. My bike was there, just as I left it, without any signs of anyone having touched it.

Suppressing the urge to go to the basement of the Plaza, I immediately rode the bike to Pachulso.

“Seongshin.”

As soon as I entered the yard, Dad came running out. And Mom behind him.

That expression, full of worry and then relief. The expression that says I am the most important person in the world.

When I look at things like that, I really feel like I’ve become the most important person in the world. The feeling of knowing that there is an existence in this world that loves me more than anything else. The feeling that no matter what I do, I will be forgiven and allowed. And because of that, the feeling that I don’t want to do anything foolish and want to live properly.

I took off my helmet and saw both of their eyes widen as they got closer, and I realized my mistake. The marks from fighting and having sex with Ahn Yutan yesterday would be plain to see.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

Dad asked while examining my face and body. The clothes I was wearing—Ahn Yutan’s—were a loose tank top and shorts. My body was quite exposed, and the wounds were very visible.

I quickly racked my brain.

“I went for revenge, and this time I fought five-on-one.”

“Revenge?”

“Against the kids I fought three-on-one before.”

Mom took my forehead and pushed it slightly to make me tilt my chin up, and peered at my cheek.

“Why take revenge? You already handled those three.”

“Because I couldn’t get the frustration out.”

At my words, both of them looked surprised again. They looked at each other, then back at me.

Mom stroked my hair and took her hand away.

“Are you going through puberty now?”

“I guess so.”

“You seemed to pass through your puberty years quietly.”

It was true. When I was a teenager, I was a calm child who just had a few pimples. As the adults said, I was a child who “didn’t require much effort.” I don’t know why, but I had no particular complaints or sadness, and just lived calmly.

“You didn’t sneak out just now after fighting all night, did you?”

“No. That was last night, but on the way back, I ran out of fuel on the road and…”

“Oh my, is that so?”

“No matter how much I walked, there was no gas station, but there was a sleepy driver’s rest area, so I rested there next to the bathroom and slept a bit. I asked a driver who stopped by there at dawn to take me to a gas station, and I just got here. This outfit was also lent to me by that driver.”

Mom and Dad listened to my unnecessarily long story with serious expressions. In between, they would gasp and cover their mouths, nod, or press their palms together.

“Our Seongshin met a noble person in a moment of crisis.”

“You thanked them properly, right?”

“Of course.”

“What a truly grateful person. Thanks to them, it’s a relief that you returned safely like this.”

“Indeed. It seems the saying that God is on the road is true.”

Mom and Dad took turns stroking my hair.

“Seongshin, but don’t do this again from now on. It’s fine to fight back if someone provokes you. Still, going for a second round like this because you couldn’t get the frustration out, like you did this time, is very meaningless and dangerous. We were very worried all night. It also breaks our hearts to see you hurt like this.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“Anyway, it’s a relief that you finally solved it well and came back.”

Mom and Dad wrapped their arms around me at the same time, intertwining them here and there. I grabbed their arms resting on my chest and patted them lightly.

The son of Leader Ahn Juik came looking for me.

The words I wanted to say were pushed to the tip of my tongue. I wanted to reveal everything that had happened so far to the two people who cherished and worried about me, and discuss it with them. Since you love me and also love the whole Pachulso family, couldn’t you do something for us? To protect me.

Feeling like I shouldn’t be like this as a man pushing thirty, I had quickly become young and weak.

“You seemed to pass through your puberty years quietly.”

Those words stuck in my heart. Someone who knows about my childhood. Someone who can tell me about my childhood. Someone who shares the memories of my childhood in their head. The fact that Mom and Dad were that kind of existence felt big and poignant once again.

A long time ago, when we lived in the abandoned Pachulso building, I don’t know why, but the three of us—Mom, Dad, and me, at about eight years old—had climbed the mountain behind Pachulso. It was early summer, and we were carrying bags all over, as if we were going to have a picnic or something. The sun was blazing, but when we reached the middle of the mountain, dark clouds suddenly gathered, and torrential rain began to pour. I started to cry, covering my ears, saying that the sound of the rain hitting everything around us was scary. It wasn’t like I had never heard the sound of rain before, but I don’t know why I was like that then.

Dad, who had first laughed and said it was cool because the rain was falling like a shower, scooped me up and hugged me tightly. He wrapped his large hands around my head and pressed my face firmly against his chest. Dad is here. Dad is by your side. I could hear what Dad was saying through his chest. I listened to that sound while sniffling.