PAX 29

“Don’t you have money?”

“It’s inside my bike.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“You’re the one who brought me all the way here.”

“Coming here is one thing, and being here is another. I’m not holding you anymore, so find your own way back.”

I looked at Ahn Yutan’s face for a moment, and a soft sensation briefly grazed my fingertips. The sensation I’d felt while touching the head of Ahn Yutan, who had been sprawled on top of me. That same sensation, like stroking the body of a docile, patient animal.

Docile, patient animal, my foot. To have had sex with a person like this. To have even been aroused and enjoyed it. Did my brain snap from exhaustion? What the hell did I actually do?

I finished the hamburger for now and stood up. I might think of a way to get money while going to the bus terminal. Even if it means borrowing little by little from people I meet along the way.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Home.”

I wiped my hands and mouth with a tissue.

“You have to finish what I bought you before you go. What’s with the lack of manners again?”

“I finished it. And you’re the one who said go because you weren’t holding me.”

“Am I supposed to eat this all by myself?”

Ahn Yutan pointed at the French fries still piled up.

“I bought them with you in mind, and you just pecked at them, you fucker.”

Ahn Yutan, who slammed the side of his hand into the middle of the fry pile, pushed half of them toward me.

“Eat yours. You’re not leaving until you finish all of these.”

I stared down at the fries for a moment, then sat back down. Let’s just eat them quickly and get out of here. I grabbed three or four at a time and shoved them into my mouth.

“You’re not following table manners, are you? Is that how your mom and dad taught you?”

I wonder what time the express buses stop running. Knowing the answer wouldn’t change anything even if I thought about it on my own.

“Eat them one by one. After you finish one, eat the next one.”

I started devouring them at a steady pace, one by one, like a machine grinding down the pile of fries.

“You’re killing my appetite.”

Even as he muttered that, Ahn Yutan was eating his own hamburger well. Below one collarbone, there was a scar that looked like it had been stitched up a long time ago, and on his upper arm, there was what looked like a burn mark. The other bruises and scratch marks must have been from fighting with me earlier today.

Looking at Ahn Yutan’s body, I suddenly remembered the sex from a while ago. I even thought about whether I should have a conversation about it.

No. I don’t know. It was sex that I don’t even know why we suddenly had, so I don’t know what I would even say about it or how.

But really… why did we do it?

Ahn Yutan kicked my parts, then toyed with them, saying he’d check if I was okay. Then he put them in his mouth, sucked on them, and entered inside me. All the while, I just stayed still. I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop. Was it because I endured it out of fear of the retaliation Ahn Yutan would inflict if rejected? I don’t really know.

Something seemed to graze my knee, and then a foot slid in between my legs. I looked down, then back at Ahn Yutan. Ahn Yutan, having finished his hamburger, was sucking on his fingers while pressing firmly against my genitals with his foot.

I stared at Ahn Yutan and restarted the fry-grinding machine I had paused for a moment. Regardless, I have to finish my share to get out of this house.

Ahn Yutan continued to move his foot around in circles, pressing down, while eating the fries.

If anyone else saw this, they might have thought it was a truly strange sight. Two men sitting across from each other, picking at fries as if competing. And under the table, a situation where one man is rubbing the other man’s genitals with his foot.

“Looks like you want another round.”

Ahn Yutan said. He must have noticed I was erect. If he had done it with his right foot, he probably wouldn’t have been able to feel how hard my genitals were getting.

He probably wouldn’t have felt me touching his right knee earlier, either.

Why did I touch and stroke it? Someone else’s knee.

“Let’s hear the review. How was it after putting in the ‘big one’ instead of just messing around with a ‘mud-squirt’?”

I wondered what I could say that wouldn’t bruise that useless pride of his. I decided not to ponder it further. I felt like I would become a childish person myself if I went out of my way to do that.

“It wasn’t bad.”

So, I just said that roughly.

Ahn Yutan chuckled, pulled his foot away, clapped his hands to dust them off, and stood up.

“Experience it again and correct your review.”

Ahn Yutan grabbed my hair and pulled it up, forcing me to stand as well. My share of the fries was almost at the bottom now. Even though I’d eaten so much, for some reason, hunger came surging back.

Leaving me standing in front of the dining table, Ahn Yutan came behind me and pulled my underwear and pants down at once. My stiffly erect genitals bounced out and hit the edge of the table.

Hot, bare skin touched the area between my buttocks. From my tailbone to my cervical vertebrae, it felt like something was quickly tracing and rising along my spine. What could I call that thing tracing its way up? Excitement? Ecstasy? I still wondered if there was a mix of fear inside it.

“You moan and whine when you’re pinned down, yet here you are, scribbling out fake reviews after I’ve had you cum by drilling you with something like this.”

Ahn Yutan said in a low voice, wedging his own parts between my buttocks and rubbing them against me. His two hands came inside my T-shirt and grabbed my chest and stomach. Ahn Yutan’s torso, pressed firmly against my back, was hard and hot. Soon, I could feel thick saliva flowing down over my buttocks. I leaned on the table and gasped.

I wondered how long it would take to walk from here to my house. If I walked all night, I would arrive eventually. If I stay out of the house all night like that, when I open my eyes while sleeping, I won’t have to worry about the situation of meeting eyes with my mom or dad standing there blankly by my side.

Even if I doze off while walking on the road outside, for me, that might be safer.

Ah. Did the fear start from there? Not from Ahn Yutan outside the house, but from my mom and dad inside?

There is nothing certain, and it could just be a coincidence of speculation and a few overlapping events, but when did my fear grow this large?

Why?

Because I don’t want to die?

“Agh…!”

The moment he suddenly jabbed and entered my hole, I grabbed Ahn Yutan’s thighs. It felt like Ahn Yutan’s breath and moans were splashing down onto my shoulders.

My entire body was churned up again as if to be split in two. I gripped the table and endured. Ahn Yutan hammered away as if I were a nail he was driving into the corner of the table. The French fries shook back and forth on the paper spread out on the table. The way the grains of salt shook in between them was strangely beautiful.

I was being penetrated while looking down at the shaking fries and salt. The smell of savory oil. The smell of sweet ketchup. My legs kept losing strength, so I shifted my feet back and forth. Ahn Yutan was literally pumping against my body. As it went in and out, my insides felt like they were becoming increasingly filled with something. My body puffed up, and sounds I had never made before were coming out of my mouth.

I gripped the table tightly with one hand and grabbed my genitals with the other. I rubbed myself as hard as Ahn Yutan was thrusting. What Ahn Yutan kept shoving inside rose rapidly within my body. It filled me up to my throat, then higher—higher—rising up to my mouth, nose, eyes, from my forehead to the top of my head.

White semen was sprayed in long streaks over the yellow fries and pretty grains of salt. I think I heard some kind of cursing in my ear, but I don’t know if it was me or Ahn Yutan who did it. We both might have. Or maybe neither of us did, and it just happened in my head.

I kept gasping while rubbing my parts, and Ahn Yutan kept panting while driving into my body deeply. I randomly thought my heart felt like it hurt too much, and when I looked down, I realized it hurt because Ahn Yutan was gripping my chest too tightly. It felt like his five fingers were almost piercing through my skin.

Feeling that, I staggered, pushed along by Ahn Yutan’s movements. The frequency of his thrusts gradually decreased, the intervals grew longer, and then finally, he stopped. Ahn Yutan let out a long, “Ugh,” sound and leaned against my body. With his other hand, the one not grabbing my chest, he braced himself against the table. There were cuts and scratches here and there on the back of his hand and his fingers.

It must be something like mounting.

I thought this while looking down at Ahn Yutan’s hand. He must be coming at me like this to seize the upper hand. With the intention of making me feel through and through, with my entire body, who is in the superior position.