PAX 40

I asked Ahn Yutan, “You need a reason to like something before you can actually like it.”

“When did you come to Seoul?”

“When I was eight.”

If it was roughly 19 years ago, that would be before the Pachulso family moved into the motel building and before they even started frequenting the Nagun District, so there would have been no way for me to have crossed paths with Ahn Yutan.

“To this house?”

“Somewhere else at first. I moved so much back then that I get sick just looking at a moving truck.”

“But did you come here by yourself?”

Even if he was Ahn Yutan’s guardian, Ahn Juik is an infected person, so he naturally wouldn’t have followed him all the way to Seoul.

Ahn Yutan let out a sneering, scoffing laugh.

“They sent me with a guardian. He was a second-generationer, too, maybe about nineteen? He did all the housework and took care of everything for me.”

I looked around the house for no reason.

“You don’t live together anymore?”

“He died.”

“Did you kill him?”

“I said he ‘died.’ I didn’t say I ‘killed’ him, you idiot. What kind of person do you take me for?”

This is coming from a guy who just showed me a collection of knives he intended to use to stab his father.

“How did he die?”

“He committed suicide.”

My eyes widened again.

“The fucker could’ve just jumped into a river or something, but he hung himself inside the house. I came back from school, saw it, and I was fucking horrified. You know how grotesque someone looks when they’ve hung themselves? Why the hell did I have to look at something like that? If he had at least given me a warning, I wouldn’t have come inside, and I could’ve just called a police car or something from outside.”

Ahn Yutan picked up a piece of sushi, looked at it, shoved it into his mouth, and chewed it ravenously.

I studied Ahn Yutan’s face, weighing whether he was trying to hide the pain in his heart with another ridiculous boast, or if he was simply complaining about someone making him look at something grotesque.

“School… is that, by any chance, elementary school?”

“High school.”

Should I consider it fortunate that he witnessed it when he was at least a little older? Seeing such a scene would be traumatic for anyone, but… no. Wait. Maybe that guardian committed suicide because Ahn Yutan tormented him relentlessly. Isn’t he the type of person who is fully capable of doing that? Is it really necessary to feel any sympathy for someone like him?

No. I don’t know anything for sure, so let’s not paint him as a devil too quickly.

“I left that house immediately because it was bad luck. The son of a bitch couldn’t do a single thing right while he was alive, and he’s still a nuisance even on the day he dies.”

…Maybe I should just feel comfortable painting him as a devil.

“Hey, if you ever want to commit suicide, follow this one rule. Do it in a way that doesn’t inconvenience the people around you. At the very least, do it somewhere where you won’t show someone you live with a grotesque sight. After I saw that fucker dead, I couldn’t eat a proper meal for a month. Just thinking about it makes me feel nauseated.”

Ahn Yutan ate the sashimi without hesitation as he said those words.

“Were there no warning signs? Like him saying he wanted to die?”

After asking, I realized it was a rather absurd question. Ahn Yutan isn’t exactly the type of person you’d have that kind of conversation with, is he? Even if that guardian had shown such signs, I doubt Ahn Yutan would have taken it seriously or even understood.

But unexpectedly, Ahn Yutan looked like he was searching his memory.

“He never said it, but he always walked around with a shitty expression.”

Ahn Yutan picked up a piece of fried food, looked at it, took a bite, and chewed.

“You know how it is. Second-generationers.”

After saying that curtly, he shoved the remaining half into his mouth and chomped away.

I listened to the sound of him chewing and just nodded a few times. I know at least that second-generationers find it difficult to blend in with outsiders because of the stigma of coming from the Nagun District. That guardian who committed suicide must have had his own share of hardships while living in Seoul.

Then, perhaps, is that why Ahn Yutan is also trying to return to the Nagun District?

Does it mean he ultimately failed to adapt? Even after changing his identity and living in Seoul for so long?

Is he afraid that if he stays here any longer, he might commit suicide like that guardian?

I looked at Ahn Yutan’s face, and our eyes met again. Ahn Yutan sighed and giggled.

“Hey, answer me straight. Are you infatuated, or are you just horny?”

“Are you doing okay?”

Ahn Yutan blinked his eyes a few times, keeping that laughing face.

“What?”

“You’re a second-generationer, too. Are you doing okay living here all by yourself?”

Ahn Yutan looked around.

“How do you think I am?”

“I’m asking because I don’t know.”

“God damn it, I’m living comfortably in a spacious, quiet house, how do you think I am, you idiot? I’m living well, eating whatever I want and going wherever I want, so how do you think I am?”

It must have been unnecessary worry. I must have jumped the gun again.

“Can’t you see? Can’t you think? Are you completely incapable of observing, thinking, and then making a judgment? Do you not even know that you’re spitting out nothing but stupid questions?”

I ate some sashimi and looked at Ahn Yutan again.

“Then why are you trying to go to the Nagun District?”

“You’re out of your mind, spitting out questions again.”

“Your plan is to kill Ahn Juik and then become the leader yourself. If you become the leader, you have to live in the Nagun District.”

Ahn Yutan shoved the last piece of sushi into his mouth and crunched.

“You said you’re living well here, so why are you trying to return to the Nagun District?”

Ahn Yutan stopped chewing, narrowed his eyes, and stared at me.

“So, you’re doubting my word that I’m doing fine?”

“I’m just trying to grasp the situation. It doesn’t seem to add up.”

“Why are you the one grasping that? Why are you trying to make it add up? What are you going to do by making it add up? Why does it have to add up? Who are you? Are you in a position to do this? Are you feeling smug, thrilled, and dying of pleasure because you think you’re in total control of the situation?”

What is he talking about again?

“Whether I live here or elsewhere, it’s none of your business, you fucking asshole. You’re nothing but a Pachulso pigeon, so why are you acting up by trying to grasp things and making them add up, fucker? Don’t try to be proactive, just sit still and do what you’re told. You understand?”

I was exhausted, so I just nodded vaguely.

The sight of him getting irritated and rambling might seem like him blustering to hide his inner weakness… but well, I couldn’t care less. Whatever the inside story of a person like that is, what does it matter to me?

“Hey, forget it. Just have sex.”

Ahn Yutan jumped up suddenly, walked over, grabbed my arm, and took me to the bedroom. I dropped my chopsticks and was dragged along.

“I didn’t finish eating.”

As soon as I was face-planted onto the bed, Ahn Yutan clung to my body from behind.

“Is eating the problem right now?”

“I have to finish….”

My shoulders trembled as his sucker-like lips attached to my neck and sucked. Then, as his teeth gnawed at my skin, it felt like my whole body was catching fire.

“If I don’t finish it all, you, you’ll leave.”

“Eat this instead, you fucker.”

Something with a familiar temperature and size pressed tightly between my buttocks and rubbed.

Why does this beast-like guy pounce at any time of day? Is he addicted to sex? Or is he addicted to mounting? Addicted to gaining and showing off a position of power?

Even while thinking that, I found it a bit funny. I am the one who, like a forest in the changing of seasons, catches fire instantly from even the smallest spark. I was becoming erect and panting in response to his pouncing, at any time of day.

In my mind, I was reminding myself of what I ought to do—that I should push Ahn Yutan away, finish shoveling down the feast still laid out, rightfully borrow some cab fare, and return home—but my already-stiff penis was pressed firmly into the bed, and my hands were desperately pulling at Ahn Yutan’s head and thighs.

Every time Ahn Yutan bit me, my skin melted away. I felt a chill, goosebumps rose, and at the same time, my excitement soared.

My pants and underwear were ripped off. Ahn Yutan grabbed my buttocks hard with both hands and spread them wide. I buried my face in the bed and screamed because of the force with which he pushed in. It was painful, but it was also a scream of excitement. More, deeper, deeper, deeper. I begged inside. Please. Push in deeper and split my body in two. Collect the split pieces and keep fucking inside them. Harder. Faster. Drench my entire two-part body in semen. Drench my brain entirely in semen so I can’t think of anything at all.