PAX 41

Thinking of strange things, I remained impaled. My waist arched of its own accord, and I lifted my hips. Ahn Yutan pressed down firmly on my waist and slammed into me again and again. I grabbed the sheets, shaking violently, before reaching down to grab my own and rub it.

“Ugh, godda—mn it….”

Ahn Yutan’s breathing was also quite ragged. I could feel Ahn Yutan’s sweat dripping onto my body.

Even while Ahn Yutan was coming inside me, he continued to thrust. The slapping sounds grew louder, and the curses Ahn Yutan spat out grew sharper. I came on the sheets, on my belly, and on my T-shirt. I came while Ahn Yutan’s part was moving violently inside me, and after shaking, I came a bit more. As if squeezing out every last drop from the very bottom.

As soon as Ahn Yutan pulled his member out, my energy drained away completely. I lay face down and closed my eyes. In an instant, I was utterly exhausted.

Ahn Yutan seemed to flop down beside me. His hard right leg touched mine. Even while catching my breath, I was thinking about the next time we would have sex. I was just thinking these strange thoughts—hoping it wouldn’t take long until my next time with Ahn Yutan, and that as long as I was in this house, I wanted Ahn Yutan’s member to remain inside my body.

What had happened to me?

Had what Ahn Yutan came inside me really traveled up to my head and pickled my brain?

“Originally, I was going to go back then.”

I heard a slightly raspy voice.

“After that nuisance asshole committed suicide.”

I opened my eyes. I could see the side profile of Ahn Yutan, whose eyes were closed. He was rubbing the fingers of the hand resting on his forehead against each other, making small, intermittent sounds.

“I didn’t want to keep living in that house, so I went straight to the Nageon District, but Ahn Juik hated it so fucking much. He beat the hell out of me, telling me to get lost.”

Ahn Yutan let out a dry laugh.

“I couldn’t defend myself and just got hit when I was a kid, but did he think I’d just take it at nineteen? I was already over 180 cm tall by then. The asshole was just throwing punches without thinking, only remembering the ‘good old days,’ so I beat him up a bit too. But you know, Ahn Juik is 188 cm tall. Why is he still so strong even at his age? Even four of those guardian assholes came over to pin me down, goddamn it. I struggled a bit, but in the end, I got the shit kicked out of me and was shoved into a car.”

My gaze wandered over the old scars and burn marks scattered across Ahn Yutan’s body. I wondered if those were all marks from being beaten by his father when he was young.

Ahn Yutan clenched his hand into a fist on his forehead, then opened it and rubbed his brow with his palm.

“Uncharacteristically, Ahn Juik drove himself because he said he’d take me all the way to Seoul, but that rotten sweet potato of an asshole happened to be drunk at the time.”

Ahn Yutan chuckled again, then opened his eyes.

“He was drunk, driving like a piece of shit, and we were swearing at each other the whole time in the car, fighting and raising hell, when he hit the guardrail and we rolled like crazy. Thump, thump, thump, thump-thump, thump. Crash.”

I stared at Ahn Yutan’s hand, which seemed to be mimicking the car rolling in the air.

“You know what’s funny? Ahn Juik was completely fine. The car was declared a total loss, and I met this.”

Ahn Yutan lifted his right leg and tapped it lightly.

A son who witnessed the suicide of someone he lived with and returned to his hometown. A father who beats such a son and kicks him out. A father who causes an accident while driving roughly under the influence. A father who is perfectly fine, and a son who lost one of his legs.

One could simply conclude that Ahn Yutan decided to kill Ahn Juik right after he lost his leg because of the accident he caused, but… I don’t know. It was a story that felt like it carried fundamental things layered between them from a long time ago. So, I felt that even if he hadn’t had the accident that cost him his leg, Ahn Yutan would have eventually made a plan to kill Ahn Juik anyway.

When asked when he started hating his father, Ahn Yutan said since the moment he was born. He might have been telling the truth. If he had hated his father from his very first memory.

“I came to, three days or so after being rushed to the hospital, and there was some bastard I’d never seen before next to me. A guardian who took the baton from the bastard who killed himself to look after me. He left after a year, another guy came, and then that one changed after a year. They kept cycling through them like that. They must have been worried I’d kill myself again if they stayed too long.”

Ahn Yutan looked down, stayed silent for a moment, then turned to face me. I looked at Ahn Yutan’s face, and Ahn Yutan looked somewhere around my belly.

Are the guards really worried about him killing himself, so they replace them once a year? But do they not worry that the son might kill himself?

“That was the last time I saw Ahn Juik’s face. We just call each other occasionally.”

Ahn Yutan reached out and gently smoothed out the folded part of my T-shirt.

“Unit Leader Ahn Juik, why does he hate you coming to the Nageon District?”

I had a guess as to why, but I asked because I was curious about what Ahn Yutan thought about it.

Ahn Yutan didn’t say anything and kept fidgeting with my T-shirt, then looked up.

“Why do you think?”

In hopes that the son he sent to Seoul with a laundered identity would live perfectly as an outsider?

I didn’t voice what I was thinking and just met Ahn Yutan’s gaze.

Ahn Yutan, who had been watching my face intently, suddenly grinned and grabbed me by the collar.

“If you run away with some lesson about ‘understanding your father’s deep intentions and being a docile, filial son,’ I’ll rip your mouth open.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about that.”

Ahn Yutan let go of my collar and stood up.

“What would a papa’s boy or mama’s boy like you know about the harsh reality?”

Ahn Yutan went to the bathroom.

Profanely, I envied Ahn Yutan for a moment.

Because Ahn Yutan could hate his father without hesitation. Because he possessed a history that showed he had every right to hate him. So, I envied the fact that he could be completely unhesitating.

The fact that he wanted to kill his father, and that he was making a plan to kill him because he had the opportunity to do so.

I envied that.

But it was only for a moment. I thought that for a very brief second, then cleared my head.

“Go wash up.”

Ahn Yutan, with his wet hair, walked into the bedroom.

I took off all the clothes I had been wearing awkwardly and went to the bathroom to wash up quickly. While I was coming out and getting dressed again, Ahn Yutan seemed to be sitting on the sofa looking at his phone.

Seeing the food still scattered on the dining table, a sigh escaped me. I didn’t know if we could eat all of that within the day.

“Come out. I’ll give you a ride.”

I had sat down in front of the table to finish off the food, but I turned around, startled by his unexpected words. Ahn Yutan, holding the car keys, was heading toward the entrance.

“To where?”

I asked to be sure.

Ahn Yutan, who had stopped, looked back with a pathetic expression.

“Where do you think?”

“Where?”

“Where do you think?”

“Tell me clearly where.”

“You should be the one thinking about where. Think. Huh? Do you know what thinking is?”

Ahn Yutan, who had tapped his own temple sharply, disappeared into the entrance.

“Ugh.”

Deciding to trust him for now, I packed my knife and went out.

While I was putting on my combat boots and sliding the knife back into its attached sheath, Ahn Yutan was leaning against the door watching me.

“Why do you insist on carrying that around?”

Ahn Yutan asked as I walked out the door.

“For emergencies.”

“What kind of emergency?”

“Like when I’m attacked by someone wearing titanium prosthetic legs.”

Ahn Yutan gave a short laugh.

“You didn’t even think to pull it out when you were actually being attacked, did you?”

“That was because I was trying to let it slide a couple of times.”

“An asshole who acts all fair and square and then gets fucked, all talk and no bite.”

We entered the elevator together and stood side by side.

“I didn’t get fucked, though. I ended up getting it back.”

I lifted and lowered the foot on the side where the knife was sheathed.

Ahn Yutan was about to say something, but the elevator stopped and someone got on.

Ahn Yutan shut his mouth and stared at where the numbers were changing. I could see his expression wilt immediately.

Ahn Yutan was quiet until we got off the elevator, walked across the parking lot, and got into the Bronco. Then, once we were in the car, he turned the music up loud.

Amidst the thumping, loud music, Ahn Yutan drove away from the parking lot in silence. Fearing he might ask to play something like another game of clothes-stripping word chain, I kept my mouth shut as well.