PAX 28

Even while knowing that wouldn’t happen, questions filled with common, folkloric dread kept flooding in. It felt as if those questions started from my cheek, where Ahn Yutan’s teeth were biting, and wrapped around my entire face like a net, tightening.

No, what filled those questions wasn’t dread, but an excitement that made it hard to breathe. I could vividly feel Ahn Yutan’s teeth, his lips, and his hot breath. I snapped my face to the side, and Ahn Yutan bit my ear.

“Ha, f-fucking…”

I squeezed my eyes shut and gasped. For a moment, I felt something very unreal. It was a feeling as if my body wasn’t my own, as if I had become something that wasn’t human or anything else. And the feeling that the thing pinning me down from above also wasn’t human or anything else.

The feeling that time was moving very slowly.

The feeling that I didn’t need anything other than this excruciating pain.

When I regained my senses, I realized I was gripping Ahn Yutan’s back and knees tightly. His titanium knee was covered by my body heat, and his damp back was scorching.

Ahn Yutan, having pulled his mouth away from my ear, buried his face into my shoulder. Whatever was filling me up inside had half-slid out, then thrust back in with a jolt. And repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Every time he thrust inside like that, a little more strength went into the hands gripping his back. I dug my nails into his skin and clung to him as if to scoop everything out from inside. While my ears were deafened as if submerged in deep water, the sound of his wet hair regularly scraping against the floor and the sound of Ahn Yutan’s ragged breathing reached my ears like an illusion.

Ahn Yutan bit my shoulder, then bit my neck. He exhaled panting breaths onto me, then buried his face back into me and rubbed his face hard while pressing down. His short, sweat-dampened hair tickled my face.

Before I knew it, I was trapping Ahn Yutan’s body tightly within my two legs. I wrapped my arms around his waist to pull him in, and used my legs to press down on his buttocks to pull him closer. Come in deeper. Deeper. Dig in further inside and just burst everything open. My whole body felt like it was aching as if it were being shattered to pieces, and it was maddeningly itchy.

Ahn Yutan made a sound against my shoulder like he was crying. At some point, the movements became more violent. My body was being knocked about so hard it felt like I would be bounced right off, so I held onto Ahn Yutan tightly to endure it. There was the sound of a knife stabbing into flesh. Splosh, splosh—the sound of blood surging. The sound of red and white entrails spilling out. The sound of every part of my body splitting and being crushed.

Ahn Yutan stopped abruptly and his body shook violently. My two legs twisted in an odd way before wrapping around Ahn Yutan’s body again. Ahn Yutan groaned loudly and forced his organ in a few more times, pressing firmly. Amidst the whiteness in my head, I fumbled to raise my hand, passing over Ahn Yutan’s drenched nape and grabbing the back of his head. I could feel his hot scalp between the short, shaved hairs. It made a crisp, dry sound while wet.

I barely managed to open my eyes. It felt as if the surroundings were slowly seeping into my vision. I was still touching Ahn Yutan’s hair. It felt like I was stroking the body of a docile, patient animal.

But what, just now, did I do?

I thought this to myself as I stared at the ceiling. I stopped the fingers that had been rubbing his hair, then soon pulled my hand away stealthily.

Ahn Yutan, who had been sprawled on top of me while his back heaved, made a sound like, “Ugh,” and then raised his body. The moment what had been inside me pulled out, my body convulsed on its own. As that hot, damp mass moved to the side, it felt incredibly refreshing. My body felt so light I felt as if I could fly away just like that.

Ahn Yutan lay flat next to me and made that long sound, “Ugh,” again. He chuckled to himself, and it sounded as if he were muttering some curses, too.

Regardless of what he was saying, it didn’t seem to be directed at me, so I just lay there with my eyes closed. Only then did I belatedly feel the soreness in my two thighs, which I had been keeping spread wide open. My drenched body was aching all over, and at the same time, for some reason, sleep was pouring over me as if something were gently brushing from my head to my toes. Is it really okay to be in such a defenseless state like this next to a human like Ahn Yutan?

In my hazy state, the sensation of teeth brushing against various parts of my genitals, and the sensation of teeth gripping my cheeks, ears, and neck here and there, came to mind. And a strange question also surfaced.

He has hard teeth and a violent temperament, so why didn’t he bite me to pieces?

Even though he has a father and mother who have bitten and eaten human flesh.

And an even stranger question came to mind.

Even though I thought he was the type of guy who could bite someone else’s flesh off, why did I let him do it?

Even going so far as to become aroused by it.

🎈🤍

I opened my eyes to a strange sound. I was bewildered while looking at the surrounding scenery, but the memories soon returned. I also realized that what I had just heard was a ringtone.

Ahn Yutan’s house. I had fallen asleep while lying down after having sex all of a sudden. I was still lying there completely naked on the floor with clothes scattered everywhere, and dried semen was stuck to the space between my legs and my stomach.

I was lying half-up, supported by my elbows, feeling dazed, when Ahn Yutan suddenly entered from the hallway leading to the entrance. He was holding a large bag in his hands.

“If you’re awake, put some clothes on. What the fuck, have some class.”

Ahn Yutan, who himself was only wearing a pair of shorts, went to the kitchen while frowning and rambling.

He’s the one who stripped me, yet he’s the one acting like this….

I went to the bathroom first. When I looked in the mirror, there were bite marks all over one cheek and my shoulders. Some were faint, but some had black blood clotted in them. I sighed once and wiped my body down briefly.

I came out and put back on the clothes Ahn Yutan had lent me.

“Come over and eat.”

Ahn Yutan, who was sitting in front of the dining table, was eating a hamburger. The closer I got, the more intensely the smell of grease and sauce wafted over. Seeing the mountain of French fries piled in the center of the table, a sudden, immense hunger surged in me.

I sat across from Ahn Yutan and unwrapped the hamburger that seemed to be my share.

“Didn’t they tell you that you weren’t allowed to eat things like this at your house?”

Ahn Yutan, who had sauce all over his mouth, asked.

“They said they only feed you greens and eggs grown by hand. Some organic bullshit.”

Since it was about half true, I nodded vaguely while shrugging my shoulders. It is true that the main food sources are what comes from the backyard garden and the eggs the chickens lay. Still, that’s not all we eat. Because among the things people give us as payment for requests instead of money, processed foods are often mixed in. But since we only eat them occasionally, you could say the claim that our diet is “some organic bullshit” is roughly accurate.

“Is this your first time eating something like this?”

Ahn Yutan asked.

I shook my head while chewing on the hamburger.

“Guess you sneak around eating it when your mom and dad aren’t looking.”

“I’m saying I’ve eaten it before. It’s not like they forbid it, so there’s no need to sneak around eating it.”

“You guys, you’re definitely a cult, right?”

Ahn Yutan asked this while shoving a mouthful of French fries into his mouth. For some reason, he looked excited.

“You’re not a cult group? When you look at those kinds of things, the cult leader always makes the followers do hard labor or panhandling, and they all live together in a big house with a farm attached, and stuff like that.”

I know there are people who see us that way. And I know there is plenty of room for us to look like that.

“What do you guys believe in? Satan? Aliens? When is the end of the world coming? Did you build an underground bunker, too?”

“We don’t believe in anything special, and we aren’t a cult group.”

“Then why do you live like that?”

“Because it’s better than living alone.”

It was something that came out without much thought, but after saying it, I realized that it really is true. People who were abandoned, ran away, or couldn’t find their place in the world have gathered to live as a family. That place, which has my mom and dad’s affection and attention, becomes a real home.

So there’s no need to leave that place. Yet, some of the family members in their 20s left notes saying they were going to be independent and left. The notes my mom and dad said they were the only ones who saw. Were those words really written on them? Is it really true that they left notes like that and left for independence? Are those who became independent really living somewhere out there?

“Attaching fancy words to it.”

I escaped back into reality at Ahn Yutan’s mutterings. Especially these days, when I’m thinking about my mom and dad, I sometimes feel like I’m being sucked endlessly into an abyss.

“Ah.”

I suddenly remembered and checked my clock. It was already past 10 o’clock.

“Lend me some money.”

I said this while hurriedly eating the hamburger.

“What money?”

“Money for the express bus.”

There is no bus from Seoul to the Nagon District, but I can take one heading in that direction and ask to be let off in the middle.