NANOM Ch 8

Today is the day Jiwon has his lesson, around 2:30 PM. It takes about an hour and a half to get there from here, and it’s 12:30 PM now… So I won’t be late even if I take my time.

Luckily, I found a seat and leaned against the bus window, letting out a small sigh. No matter how many times I have been there, that mansion is still a place that overwhelms me. When on earth will I ever get used to it.

But I soon straightened up the body that had gone limp and slack. It doesn’t matter how I feel about that place, or what they do to me there. I will just endure it. After the CSAT is over, I won’t be able to tutor at that house even if I wanted to. I had to earn as much as I could until then to prepare for the fight against financial hardship, a fight with no end in sight.

The receipt for the hospital bill payment was still crumpled in my hand. Despite the benefits I receive from the state, I stared at the number written under the by no means small ‘out-of-pocket payment’, and I hardened my resolve a little more.

📖

Jiwon greeted me with the same demeanor as always. I had gone there feeling a little tense, wondering if he might show some sign of being flustered after what happened last time, but it was to the point where I felt my worries were for nothing.

The truth is, he might be bothered by it on the inside. It is not certain yet, but considering what Jihyuk said about Jiwon being gay, the strange atmosphere when he is with me, or the way Jiwon looked when he was furious about Jihyuk taking me to a hotel. Based on such circumstances, even someone as unperceptive as me could vaguely guess a certain fact. I just did not want to accept that fact.

And yet, Jiwon, who is quietly solving problems in front of me right now, shows no change in his expression. He was just the same as always. The way he sits with his back straight, focused on his studies. Anyway, both he and Jihyuk, unlike me whose inner thoughts are written all over my face, are impossible to read.

The tutoring session passed by with almost cruel speed. Jiwon silently worked on the printouts I gave him and submitted the homework I had assigned last time. I graded it and found a couple of wrong answers, so after focusing on those parts, it was already time to finish.

I was inwardly relieved that Jiwon was acting as if nothing was wrong and was about to end the lesson.

“Teacher. But. I have something I’m curious about.”

Jiwon, who was putting away his writing utensils, suddenly asked me. My throat went dry with an unwarranted tension, wondering if the moment had finally come.

But then again, maybe he was just going to ask about his studies. In the most casual voice I could manage, I asked, “What is it?” But the question that followed was a complete bombshell.

“What did you do with Jihyuk at the hotel?”

Gulp. The dry swallow got stuck in my throat, and I coughed violently a couple of times. If I had been drinking something, I would have spat it out. It was a more direct question than I had expected. Then again, considering the expression on Jiwon’s face when he saw me and Jihyuk together last time, it was not entirely incomprehensible that he would react this way.

I tried my best to hide my look of shock and spoke in the calmest voice I could muster.

“What… what do you mean what. We ate, of course.”

But Jiwon’s eyes, as he looked at me intently, were filled with suspicion.

“Really? You just had a meal and came back?”

This kid was suspecting something else, clearly. Jiwon, too, must know very well that Jihyuk is not the kind of person to call me all the way there just to buy me a single meal.

A sigh escaped me on its own. At this point, I started to feel miserable, wondering if I was the problem. Is there another tutor in this whole wide world who goes to a hotel alternately with the two brothers he teaches? Even if nothing special happened. In any case, the conversation Jiwon and I were having right now was not something that would come up in a normal teacher student relationship, no matter who heard it.

“Jiwon. Why are you curious about that?”

“Just because. I’m curious. It’s not common to go to a place like that with a tutoring student.”

For a moment, I was so dumbfounded that I let out a hollow laugh.

“Then what about the time I went with you?”

“Ah, that was not because I was trying to do something with you, Teacher… I told you. You were sleeping, and I didn’t know where you lived, so that’s why.”

His tone was clearly tinged with a sense of being hurt. It is not often that Jiwon expresses his feelings so honestly. I did not know what to say to that, so I hesitated. Seeing me silent for a moment, Jiwon continued.

“And have you been taking the car Jihyuk sends for you lately?”

“Huh? Oh… only after tutoring.”

“Then from now on, take my car.”

“…Jiwon.”

He was going too far today. Pretending not to know anymore would be deceitful. I bit my lip for a moment, then mustered the courage to speak.

“…Why does it bother you that I take the car Jihyuk sends?”

“……”

“And… why does it bother you that I went to a hotel with Jihyuk?”

Jiwon was silent. This was the Jiwon who always had a smooth comeback or would cozy up to me. To the boy who was just staring at me, this time, I was the one who dropped the bomb.

“You…. you… do you maybe like me, in… that sort of way?”

A moment of silence fell. Even though I was the one who asked it, the question had a huge impact. My heart was pounding. My blood ran cold and I clenched my fists tightly. But I did not rashly correct myself. I had to be clear about this today, once and for all.

If what Jiwon feels is not the ‘that sort of way’ I am thinking of, he would react by saying, ‘What on earth are you talking about?’ In the worst case, he might get offended and want to end his relationship with me. Of course, even if my guess is correct, he could be startled and become defensive first.

But I had no choice but to take this risk and venture forth.

My resolve to endure for my family was only about Jihyuk’s torment. I did not have the confidence to continue tutoring while maintaining an inappropriate relationship with a student I was teaching. I could not become that shameless of a person. It goes without saying that I had never once thought of my student, Jiwon, in that way.

Therefore, I wanted to persuade Jiwon. I wanted to tell him that the end of whatever feelings he might harbor for me was destined to be a catastrophe anyway, and that the more his feelings grew, the more he would become good prey for Jihyuk. He is a smart kid, so he would probably give up if I told him that much. Jiwon and I do not have that deep of a relationship yet.

My actions were possible because I had a certain degree of confidence. First, confidence in the fact that Jiwon did like me, and second, confidence in the fact that Jiwon would not end our employment relationship until after the CSAT. Also, it was almost a settled fact that Jiwon would be coming to my major, so he would be even less likely to end our relationship ambiguously like this.

“……”

As expected, Jiwon was momentarily shaken after hearing my words. His expression was as calm as usual, but the confusion in his eyes was sufficiently deep.

However, Jiwon’s agitation did not last long. He quickly returned to a stable expression and asked me back instead.

“What is ‘that sort of way’?”

“Last time… Jihyuk said it. You…”

But the next words did not come out smoothly. Because I, too, was of ‘this’ sort, I knew very well how much this question would shake Jiwon.

However, Jiwon just looked at me with an indifferent expression. Anyone who did not know the situation would think I was the one confessing my sexual identity to him.

Jiwon, who had been silent for a moment, smiled gently.

“Aw, Teacher. Surely you don’t believe Jihyuk’s words? Right now?”

A low laugh followed. But I could not laugh along with Jiwon. The reason I was saying this to Jiwon was not just because I had heard Jihyuk call Jiwon a fag or a filthy bastard in a contemptuous tone.

All the circumstances I had experienced pointed to Jiwon. Now that I had said it out loud, everything I had brushed off as ‘it can’t be, it’s not true’ seemed so obvious it was foolish. And since I was also one of them, there was no way I wouldn’t know.

But Jiwon himself seemed unfazed. As if teaching me, with my complicated expression, he explained slowly.

“Teacher. Of course, since you heard that from him, you might think of me that way. And I’m a bit of a… friendly type, you know. So you might misunderstand even more because of that.”

“……”

“He’s a kid who’s desperate to drag me down no matter what.”

His downcast gaze was complex and deep. After fiddling with his fingers on the desk for a moment, Jiwon spoke again.

“Um… there was sort of an accident when we were young. You saw his hand, right? The scar.”

For a moment, the scar on the back of Jihyuk’s hand appeared vividly in my mind, and I shuddered slightly. It was not just because the scar was grotesque. Jiwon continued with difficulty.

“That… it happened because of my mistake.”

“……”

“Because of that, Jihyuk couldn’t use his hand for a while and went to America for treatment. So he has a grudge against me… a little bit.”

I was quite surprised listening to Jiwon, who was still looking down at the desk and speaking haltingly. Today was the first time I had heard even a rough outline of the two brothers’ past. I felt I could now vaguely understand why Jihyuk was so hostile towards Jiwon.

But on the other hand, there were parts I could not understand. Unless Jiwon had intentionally harmed Jihyuk’s hand with malicious intent, how could the grudge be that deep? It is not as if he had lost the use of his hand completely. I did not disbelieve Jiwon’s words, but I had already seen and felt too much to dismiss Jihyuk’s words as ‘nonsense to drag Jiwon down’ based on that alone.

Jiwon continued calmly.

“So, Teacher. Don’t pay too much attention to what Jihyuk says.”

“……”

“Of course I can like you, Teacher. You’re kind, you teach well, you’re a good person… and handsome, too. But that’s all. I just like you as a good teacher, a teacher who’s like an older brother.”

Saying so, Jiwon smiled. With a completely unfazed expression.

Testing the other person and then, if their feelings are not the same as yours, cutting your losses and running away is an act people like us are especially familiar with. I could feel it instinctively. That Jiwon was lying about his feelings right now.

But I thought it was a relief. At least it was much better than Jiwon admitting his feelings and actively expressing them to me. In that case, it would be difficult to continue this employment relationship any longer.

Just then, Jiwon called me again.

“Teacher. But.”

“Huh?”

“If I said I liked you in that sort of way… what would you do, Teacher?”

I held my breath at the direct question that came at me again. The playfulness was gone from Jiwon’s quietly questioning face. An uncomfortable silence flowed for a long time, but this time, Jiwon did not back down with a smile.

His direct gaze on my face was uncomfortable. I lowered my eyes and answered haltingly.

“…I, I can’t.”

“……”

“First of all… I, I’m also a man…”

I tried to refuse using a conventional reason, but to say it was only for this reason felt like I was deceiving and denying my own identity too much. So I hurriedly added.

“I… just, like now… I’d like it if we could have a normal teacher student relationship.”

“…….

”It’s uncomfortable. A relationship like that… And I’ve never thought of you in that way…”

“Teacher.”

Jiwon, cutting off my stuttering, difficult words, smiled brightly.

“It’s a joke, but you’re answering so seriously. I don’t know how I should react to that.”

As he said that, Jiwon smiled. While he looked at me as if he found me amusing, I had nothing to say and kept my mouth shut.

“But that’s a bit hurtful. Even if it was a joke, I just got rejected, didn’t I.”

“Huh? No, that’s not what I meant by that…”

I waved my hands in a hurry at Jiwon, who spoke while playfully rolling his eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t like you because of something you did. I just…”

“I get it, I get it. Let’s stop talking about this now.”

Jiwon naturally steered the conversation to another topic. I, too, had no desire to linger on that subject, so I readily moved on to another topic. After smoothly setting up the next tutoring appointment, I escaped from Jiwon’s room as if fleeing.

📖

The daily routine during the school break was simple. I would wake up in the morning, wash my face, eat, and visit my mom around lunchtime. I would go to the school library to study or go to the tutoring session for the student I was already teaching. When I came home, I would wash up, do some housework, and then go to sleep.

Time flew by quickly, and before I knew it, it was the day of my scheduled lesson with Jiwon. I had arrived in front of the mansion early, right on time.

The heat is unbearable. The heat this summer was raging as if it would last forever. Wiping the sweat beading on my forehead, I stood at the gate and waited after ringing the bell. But it took much longer than usual for the gate to open.

I crossed the garden with familiarity. As always, the garden was peace itself. But for some reason, my five senses were on high alert today. Even though the scenery itself was no different from usual.

I stood in front of the annex’s entrance door and rang the bell again. Come to think of it, I thought I could faintly hear some kind of noise coming from inside. Unlike before, when it had always been dead silent.

‘…What is it? The atmosphere seems a little different than usual for some reason.’

Tilting my head, I waited for the door to open. Soon, a housekeeper opened the door and looked at me with a slightly surprised expression.

“Oh my, do you have a lesson today as well?”

“…Pardon? Yes.”

Isn’t it Wednesday today? …As I stepped into the entryway, I hurriedly took my phone out of my pocket. The screen clearly displayed Wednesday. Although the tutoring times weren’t completely fixed, we usually kept the day of the week consistent unless something came up, and Wednesday was indeed Jiwon’s tutoring day.

However, my eyes widened when I saw 3 missed calls and a message that had arrived 20 minutes ago.

[Teacher. I’m sorry. My father, who was abroad, came back a day early. I just got the news myself… I’m sorry, but could we postpone the lesson to tomorrow?]

Oh no… I was in such a hurry to get here that I hadn’t checked my phone. I usually take my phone out from time to time on my way to check the time, but today I was looking over the lesson materials one more time and didn’t see my phone, so this happened.

What a waste. I scratched the back of my head and stood there awkwardly, about to turn around and leave, when at that moment—

“Teacher!”

Jiwon, having spotted me from the top of the second-floor staircase, started running down. I shouted in a small voice, “Don’t run, come down slowly!” but Jiwon paid no heed and ran towards me.

“I’m sorry. I contacted you too late.”

“It’s okay. You said you found out late too.”

“I’m so sorry… Haah. I did try to call you, but you didn’t pick up…”

“Oh… I didn’t realize. I must have had it on vibrate in my pocket and didn’t feel it.”

I gave an embarrassed laugh. Honestly, it was a waste of time and energy, but considering the pay I usually receive from this house, one wasted trip wasn’t something to be too upset about.

I briefly took Jiwon’s hand as he held mine anxiously, then gently pushed it away, and waved my hand with a simple smile.

“It’s okay, Jiwon. We’ll see each other tomorrow then. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Jiwon.”

A deep, dignified voice came from behind. Both Jiwon’s and my gazes turned backwards at the same time.

A middle-aged man with a fine build was standing there. I could immediately see where Jihyuk got his large frame. The thick, dark eyebrows, the masculine jaw, the moderately tanned skin, and even the sharp, hawk-like eyes were a complete spitting image of Jihyuk. In the commonalities between the father and son, one could find no resemblance to Jiwon, even if they searched high and low.

Come to think of it, Jiwon took completely after his mother. From his small and delicate build, his pale and translucent skin, to his slightly pursed expression. This was the first time I had seen a family so completely divided into two sides. Forgetting my manners, I stood there in front of Jiwon’s father, lost in such an impression.

Jiwon’s father strode this way and cast his gaze at Jiwon. To the unspoken question of who I was, Jiwon quickly answered.

“Father, this is my tutor.”

“Ah, I see. A pleasure to meet you. I am Jiwon’s father.”

“Ah, hello. My name is Kim Jeonghyun.”

Caught off guard by the sudden introduction, I scurried to bow my head. As I was about to lift my head, I saw a hand extended before my eyes.

As I took that hand, I thought that even his hand was similar to Jihyuk’s. The memory of Jihyuk holding my hand to operate the game console for me and the memory of him grabbing my wrist by force to pull me along came to mind, and my face flushed hot for a moment.

Jiwon, looking troubled, hesitantly spoke.

“I didn’t know you were coming today, Father, so I scheduled a tutoring session… He ended up coming today.”

“I see. I thought I’d give my sons a surprise by coming a day early without telling them… Oh dear.”

The father spoke politely and smiled.

“Teacher, since you’re here, why don’t you stay for a meal.”

“Pardon? No, it’s alright. I’m fine.”

I waved my hands, almost turning pale. A meal with the whole family, just hearing about it felt like it would give me indigestion. However, Jiwon’s father smiled gently and took both my hands, patting them.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, from the kids’ mother as well. You’re teaching both of our children, I hear? You must be going through a lot.”

“Ah, not at all. I am the one who is more grateful… that you have entrusted them to me.”

My face turning red as if it would burst, I shook my head from side to side. I had not had many opportunities to interact with middle-aged men of a fatherly age, so while I was grateful for his kind words of praise, it was also very burdensome. Moreover, Jiwon’s father did not crush people with his presence like the madam, nor did he scan me with an overt gaze.

“Please stay for a meal. Don’t be shy.”

Jiwon’s father urged me once more with a gentle smile. I tried to find the words to refuse, but in the end, I had no choice but to follow the father’s hand guiding me towards the dining room and step inside awkwardly.

On the long table I had seen before, an endless array of food was laid out. Last time, I had thought the neatness and variety of the food were unusual, but today, just looking at it was overwhelming. Having absolutely no immunity to such things, I stared at the tabletop with my mouth agape.

Naturally, Jiwon’s father sat at the head of the table. A natural dignity flowed from him. It was only then that it truly sank in that this middle-aged man, who had been so down-to-earth and friendly to me, was in fact the head of this massive household.

I bowed my head to the madam, who was already seated at the table. Looking slightly surprised, the madam gestured with her eyes to Jiwon and his father, asking for an explanation. Jiwon hastily added one.

“Ah, Father invited him to have a meal with us.”

“Today was originally his tutoring day, but it got canceled because of me,” Jiwon’s father said with a joking tone and laughed. The madam nodded as if she finally understood.

As I stood awkwardly near the table, I was led by Jiwon’s hand to sit right next to him. Come to think of it, I could not see Jihyuk.

“…Um, Jihyuk is…”

“Ah, Jihyuk is taking a shower.”

As if he was very pleased that I had mentioned Jihyuk’s name, the father smiled warmly and replied.

“Let’s us eat first.”

His voice was gentle, but the command was authoritative. As soon as those words fell, the madam and Jiwon picked up their spoons, so I followed suit in a daze.

“Thank you for the meal.”

“Darling, you must be tired.”

“Not at all. You’re the one who had a hard time, looking after our rascally sons while I was away.”

The madam’s gentle tone, which I was hearing for the first time, Jiwon’s father smiling kindly, and Jiwon beside him, beginning his meal with a neat posture.

It was exactly like a scene of a happy family from a storybook. In that scenery, I, a complete outsider, awkwardly bowed my head and took a spoonful of rice. For some reason, I felt more awkward and uncomfortable than the last time when Jihyuk had appeared and caused a commotion. This was despite the fact that Jiwon’s father was treating me with a genuine smile.

“Please eat a lot, Teacher.”

“…Yes, thank you. I will eat well.”

After bowing, I reached for the dish closest to my hand. There were several kinds of seasoned vegetable side dishes right in front of me, and as I was carefully picking them up, Jiwon’s chopsticks suddenly came into view.

“Eat some meat, too.”

“…U-uh, huh. Thanks. …I will get it myself.”

Just like he did last time, Jiwon placed a generous amount of meat on my plate. My earlobes started to burn for no reason. It was quite embarrassing to be receiving help from my student in front of his parents.

“Haha, I hear our sons follow you so well, Teacher. I have heard a lot.”

The father’s words flew in abruptly with a hearty laugh. I, who was carefully picking up a piece of meat and putting it in my mouth, startled like someone caught doing something wrong and waved my hands.

“Pardon? Ah… no, it’s not like that. The kids are just well-behaved…”

As soon as she heard my words, the madam scoffed. Even I thought there was one person in the mix who was a bit hard to package with the word ‘well-behaved’, but I steadfastly smiled at Jiwon’s father. The father nodded with a pleased expression.

“Still, the way the kids follow you so unusually is unprecedented. I wonder if you have some kind of special secret.”

“Ah, no, sir. There isn’t really anything like that…”

I am not very good with words to begin with, but I was even worse in situations like this. I turned red like a fool and waved my hands.

For a long time, adults have taken a particular liking to me. I do not know why, but it seemed I had some element that made them fond of me. I heard so many times that I was tall and handsome, or how could I be so mature and grown up so early. Of course, compliments about how I got into such a good school without ever attending a cram school always followed.

However, no matter how much time passed, I could not get used to such compliments. It felt like there was a hint of pity hidden behind the words praising me. It was because, since I was young, the sounds of the neighborhood adults whispering about me were the same every day.

‘His mom is still not… right?’

‘Yeah, they say she’s still lying there. Sigh, she should just go now instead of making those young ones suffer, what lingering attachment to life does she have left…’

‘I know. And the son is so good at studying. They said he got first place again this time.’

‘He’s tall and handsome, too. Gosh, if he had been born to parents from a good family, he would have soared…’

‘My goodness, stop it, you all. The kid might hear.’

The compliments the adults directed at me became swords that stabbed deep into my chest. Even with the passage of time, those wounds did not heal well, and this was the reason why I became especially small in front of adults’ praise.

Just then, Jihyuk abruptly entered the dining room.

“Father.”

“Oh, right. Sit down.”

Jihyuk, who appeared at the perfect moment during my predicament, felt like a savior. It was a completely different feeling from when Jihyuk had appeared last time. I lifted my head and looked up at him. Jihyuk, whose eyes met mine, showed a rare look of surprise.

“…Teacher?”

“Today was Jiwon’s tutoring day, but it got canceled because of me, so I just asked him to have a meal with us.”

The surprised look quickly vanished from Jihyuk’s face after he was briefed on the situation. Instead, he grinned at me. My pupils trembled slightly at that familiar, mischievous smile. I felt a pounding pulsation all the way to my fingertips for no reason.

As he said he was going to shower, Jihyuk’s hair was wet. His hair, clumped into strands by the moisture, hung naturally over his forehead, and the comfortable training clothes he wore, along with the refreshing scent wafting from him, now felt familiar. Perhaps he had just showered after a workout; his arms and chest, which were already large, were even more formidably swollen.

Jihyuk walked over naturally and sat next to me. Normally, Jihyuk should have sat next to the madam so that they would be seated neatly with two on each side centered around the father, but it seemed such things were of no concern to Jihyuk. The family, too, seemed accustomed to it and said nothing.

Suddenly caught between the two brothers, I felt even more at a loss for what to do with myself. What on earth is this situation… Anyone would think this was a welcome party for me, not for the father.

“Eat a lot.”

“U-uh, huh.”

Jihyuk smiled playfully and leaned his body slightly towards me to speak. His pleasant, low voice flowed into my eardrum and struck my chest with a thump. When Jihyuk is not being mean, he can sometimes make a person feel flustered like this. I hurriedly picked up my chopsticks and stuffed the meat Jiwon had given me into my mouth.

“You have worked hard all this time, Father.”

“My, my, to think our Jihyuk would say such a thing. You’ve become much more mature since I last saw you.”

Even at Jihyuk’s simple greeting, the father seemed moved. I, too, was inwardly surprised by Jihyuk’s more normal than expected attitude. I thought Jihyuk would act like a tyrant even in a setting where the whole family was gathered. But it seemed he had a pretty good relationship with his father.

In contrast, the expressions on the madam and Jiwon were not very good. The madam, in particular, looked as if she was quite displeased with Jihyuk acting affectionately towards his father. The impression that the family was divided in two did not seem to apply only to their appearances. The atmosphere was quite smooth on the surface, but it was very subtly uncomfortable.

Just then, the father abruptly asked me.

“Teacher. How is our Jihyuk doing?”

“…Pardon?”

“I mean with college. He was a child who had no intention of taking the exam originally… I’d be happy if he went anywhere.”

The madam was now staring at her husband with an openly uncomfortable expression, but the father did not seem to mind. Enduring the attention that was suddenly focused on me, I quickly swallowed the rice I was chewing.

“Jihyuk is… doing well. His skills are quite good. I’m hesitant to say this, but… if he works just a little harder, I think he might be able to aim for Korea University.”

I managed to answer that way. I remembered the madam saying before that she would reward me greatly if I just made him take the exam. It seemed Jihyuk really had no intention of taking the exam. Seeing how his father was looking at me with such expectant eyes.

The father turned his head to Jihyuk with a flushed face.

“Jihyuk, have you really and truly decided to take the exam?”

“Yes.”

Jihyuk, who answered cleanly, grinned at me.

“Studying with my teacher made me want to go.”

Clack. Jiwon put down the spoon he was holding. It was a gesture so full of discomfort that it made me, sitting next to him, anxious. The madam’s expression, sitting across from such a Jiwon, was also not good. In a word, the madam and Jiwon were expressing their discomfort with Jihyuk’s presence with their entire bodies.

The faint flutter that had been blooming in my chest grew worse. Not knowing what to do with myself, I lowered my gaze. The only people not uncomfortable with this atmosphere right now were the father and Jihyuk. The father, still with a smiling face, spoke to me.

“I was so surprised when I was talking with Jihyuk a few weeks ago to catch up. The boy who told us he wasn’t going to take the exam suddenly said he wanted to get tutoring.”

“Ah…”

My eyes widened as I nodded. All this time, I had thought that Jihyuk had instigated the madam to hire me as his teacher. Thinking about it now, it did not quite add up that the madam, who showed a clear dislike and reluctance towards Jihyuk, would make such a proposal to hire me as his teacher.

Then, did Jihyuk subtly hint his wishes to his father to have me as his teacher, and the madam, having received Jihyuk’s wishes from her husband, reluctantly hired me? Judging from the family dynamics seen at this dinner table, that seemed to be the case.

“I am so grateful for this… I don’t know how I should repay you.”

“Ah, not at all, sir. I am already receiving more than enough compensation.”

“Please take good care of him until the very end. Our Jihyuk.”

“Yes, …thank you for trusting me with him.”

It felt like food was stuck in my throat. The truth is, although Jihyuk is obediently following me now and says he will take the exam, there is no telling when his mood might flip again. In that case, I had no power to control this boy.

But in the current situation, this was the only answer I could give. I do not know. What happens later will happen later. It is not like I could say, ‘Actually, I don’t know what will happen later,’ in this atmosphere.

Fortunately, that topic ended there. For a while, other everyday conversations were exchanged, and a peaceful mealtime continued. Jihyuk’s father and mother talked about business in low voices, and the rest of the people ate in silence.

Just then, Jihyuk’s scratchy voice called out to me.

“Teacher.”

“Huh?”

“Eat this. You like it, don’t you.”

What Jihyuk placed on my plate was a chicken breast dish. The cooking method and appearance were similar to what we had eaten together at the hotel last time. Having finished the meat Jiwon had put on my rice bowl earlier, I nodded and obediently picked up the meat Jihyuk offered.

“…Yeah, thanks. I’ll get it myself from now on.”

I could feel Jiwon’s sharp glare from my side. Jihyuk looked down on Jiwon, who was so obviously showing his discomfort, with an expression full of leisure. At this rate, I felt like I would be crushed to death by the gazes being exchanged between the two of them. I buried my nose in my rice bowl once again.

📖

After the meal, we all moved to the living room. On the tea table surrounded by sofas, refreshments were already prepared. I, who was hesitating and looking for a chance to go home, missed the timing and once again ended up sitting awkwardly between the brothers. I do not even know how I managed to eat, and now I have to drink tea as well.

While Jiwon’s father and mother chatted while drinking tea, I stared blankly at all the fruits laid out on the tea table. Then, I turned my head to the side at a hand that poked me.

“Teacher, eat this. You like it, don’t you.”

Jiwon smiled innocently and held out a fork with a piece of kiwi on it to me. It sounded a bit similar to what Jihyuk had said earlier.

Strangely, the kiwis at this house were not sour and had a yellow tinge, a taste that made you lose your mind and keep eating the more you ate, so he must have remembered me eating them diligently during every tutoring session. Half embarrassed and half grateful, I accepted the kiwi.

“Thanks. I’ll enjoy it.”

The sweet thing melted away as soon as it entered my mouth. I was inwardly ecstatic and was swallowing the kiwi that had turned to liquid when I heard a snickering laugh from my side.

“Teacher. Eat this, too.”

What Jihyuk handed me was a banana. I raised my head and glared at Jihyuk without letting the others notice.

“…It’s okay. I don’t really like bananas.”

This time, Jiwon let out a small laugh. Jihyuk raised the corner of his mouth for a moment before immediately erasing his expression. The moment his handsomely long lips twisted into a hard line always gives me chills whenever I see it. I was trying my best to avoid Jihyuk’s stinging gaze by keeping my head down.

Suddenly, a deep voice called out to me.

“Teacher. Could I speak with you separately for a moment.”

“Yes? Ah…. I understand.”

My eyes went round at the unexpected words, and I stood up from my seat. Jihyuk, who had been glaring at Jiwon with his eyes cast downwards, moved his long, bent legs a little to the side. I followed behind the father who led the way and entered a room that appeared to be a study.

I could not even begin to guess why Jihyuk’s father would want to see me separately. After my one on one meeting with the madam last time, I had to take on Jihyuk’s unexpected tutoring. What could it be this time? I was anxious, but I tried to calm my nerves by recalling the father’s friendly attitude throughout the meal.

“Please sit.”

He gestured me to a seat with a calm motion, and I sat down carefully on the plush leather sofa. Through the slightly open crack in the door, a housekeeper came in, placed new refreshments on the table, and left again. I stared at the cup from which hot steam was rising and waited for his next words.

“You must have been surprised that I asked to see you so suddenly.”

“Ah, not at all.”

“There’s no need to be so nervous. Please feel comfortable and have some.”

“…Thank you.”

I did not really feel like drinking tea, but since the father who offered the refreshments was continuously watching me with a steady gaze, I reached out and wrapped my hands around the teacup. A hot, sour, and fragrant taste flowed down my throat.

Jihyuk’s father slowly opened his mouth.

“I don’t know how much you’ve heard, but Jihyuk had some rebellious feelings towards us, so he originally did not intend to take the exam.”

“…Yes. I have heard that much.”

I put down the teacup and straightened my back. The father who started speaking with a cautious attitude, and Jiwon who had calmly spoken of the past. Everyone seemed to want to tell me a little bit about what happened back then, yet no one would tell me clearly what exactly had occurred.

“You probably felt it during dinner earlier, but he has never gotten along very well with his mother. After he returned from America, his hostility became a bit more severe. That’s why he intended not to take the exam.”

“…Ah.”

“So what I am curious about is, did you happen to know Jihyuk from before?”

His gaze, staring at me from across the table, was tenacious. I quickly shook my head.

“Ah, no. I met him for the first time when I came to teach Jiwon.”

“I see.” The father’s gaze, which had felt a bit dark, passed over my shoulder and looked into the distance.

“Sometimes, even though he is my son, it is often hard to know what he is thinking. Jihyuk is especially so.”

“……”

“Still, he is a son I cherish very much, and thanks to you, Teacher, I feel like a great burden has been lifted. I am happy that I can now have greater expectations for Jihyuk.”

After finishing his words, the father gave a soft smile. At the same time, he took out a small business card from his inner jacket pocket and slid it across the table. I accepted the card with both hands and asked blankly.

“…This is.”

“It shouldn’t happen, but if a day ever comes when you need it, I hope you will think of it at least once.”

Suddenly, my heart started to pound. I was flustered. The meaning of the words did not connect at once and floated around in my head before being barely pieced together.

A day when I would need Jihyuk’s father. Did the need he was talking about mean something material? Looking at me holding the business card with a flustered expression, Jihyuk’s father smiled with a relaxed expression.

“It has no special meaning. It is just the heart of a father who wants to repay someone for guiding his child in a better direction. So, please do not feel burdened and keep it.”

In truth, the compensation I was currently receiving from this place was more than enough to cover the hardships I went through teaching the two brothers. So it was right to refuse, saying I was fine. That I really did not need something like this. That I had only done what was expected of me.

A person should live within their means, and trouble always arises when one covets more than what is permitted to them. In my entire life, I had never had anything more than I deserved, so I did not even dare to be greedy.

But, if a day comes when I am standing at the edge of a cliff.

Couldn’t I think of it as a lifeline to grab onto just once, with a desperate heart and my eyes squeezed shut?

After hesitating for a moment, I accepted the business card and put it in my pocket. And I bowed my head deeply. A gentle smile spread across Jihyuk’s father’s face. The deep dimples that formed next to his long mouth corners were very similar to Jihyuk’s.