NANOM Ch 2

I quickened my pace. I wanted to avoid, at all costs, running into someone who had done nothing but plant bad memories in me every time I had loitered around this vicinity. But unlike that time when I wandered around, not knowing the room, I walked toward the stairs with much more confidence.

However, it was the moment I took a step to go up the stairs. A certain sound sharply caught my attention. I stopped in my tracks, frowned, and listened intently. It was undoubtedly a sound leaking from the door located right below the staircase.

—Ah, ugh, ahhh… Ah….

My eyes widened automatically. My hand, which was holding the strap of the backpack I was wearing, tightened its grip.

—Ugh, Ji, Jihyuk, stop, Tae, Tae…ugh…stop.

…Am I hearing this correctly right now?

What I heard was clearly a groan of agony. Two things were certain: it was not a sound made out of pleasure, and he was calling out that kid’s name. The pronunciation was slurred and suppressed, but perhaps because the name was so deeply etched in my mind, I could recognize it immediately.

However, I could not immediately tell who was making that groan. I furrowed my brow without realizing it. Holding my breath, I took a step closer to the door.

My heart rate began to increase to an unpleasant degree. To be honest, I did not want to get involved in something that was not my business. Not only was I not the meddlesome type by nature, but especially within this mansion, I wanted to do my own work quietly like a shadow and leave. All the more so if the other person was Woo Jihyuk.

But the thought that the voice, faintly leaking out now, sounded just like Jiwon’s, grabbed my ankle and pulled me back forcefully. The suspicion, riding on my pounding heart rate, gradually turned into conviction.

—Hnghh, ughh, stooop….

The pained groans were mixed with gasping breaths. His pronunciation was slurred, as if his throat was being pressed. The moment I surmised that it roughly overlapped with the voice Jiwon had let out while struggling when he was lifted up by the collar last time, an unpleasant chill shot through my body.

Jiwon is being beaten. Definitely. Bang, bang, bang, I knocked on the door with the conviction that hit me in an instant. Once I put it into action, my movements became unstoppable.

The groans ceased immediately. I knocked on the door hard once more.

“Woo Jihyuk, student Woo Jihyuk!”

I strained to shout the name that felt awkward even to say. The moment I powerfully pulled my fist back to knock on the door again, the door swung open irritably.

“…Woo Jihyuk, gasp.”

I almost collided with him. The strangely familiar situation gave me a sense of déjà vu. Jihyuk, who had flung the door open, stood in the doorway drenched in sweat. I, who had narrowly avoided burying my nose in his shoulder, frantically looked inside.

However, the person staggering to his feet inside was not Woo Jiwon. A man with bulging muscles, wearing an MMA rash guard, wiped away beads of sweat and grumbled from behind.

“Aigoo… Jihyuk… heok, heok, let’s, let’s go a little easier. Hm?”

For a moment, my breath caught with a gasp. My pupils trembling slightly, I frantically scanned the room and the man standing behind. And finally, I stared at Jihyuk, who stood before me.

Only then did I begin to grasp the situation. A man who looked like a trainer to anyone. A huge fitness room equipped with not only various exercise machines but also a sparring ring. And, Woo Jihyuk, dressed in a way that made it obvious to anyone that he had been exercising.

Jihyuk, drenched in sweat, was wearing a martial arts rash guard like the trainer. Perhaps due to the workout he had just been doing, a sharp wildness was fully present in his eyes as he breathed heavily.

He stared at me expressionlessly. Jihyuk, who tilted his head slightly as if to say, ‘if you have something to say, say it,’ and shot me a pathetic look, said nothing.

“……”

I… was wrong again.

My vision went blank, and my throat tightened. It felt like an emergency bell was ringing from afar. Why did I have to butt in when I didn’t even know anything… It was no use biting my lip and blaming my own stupidity.

I had already knocked on the door, and the entrance was open. The floor here, where Jihyuk stood, felt like a black hole trying to swallow me. A slight dizziness arose, and I staggered backward. Last time, he even dragged me and locked me in a room, what would he do this time?

Just then, as if a savior, the trainer standing next to him approached Jihyuk.

“Phew, Jihyuk-ah…. You tapped, but you still… how can you keep twisting.”

The trainer grumbled, carefully rotating his shoulder. But there was no edge in his complaining voice. Rather, he seemed to be cautiously observing him.

“Ah, my mistake. I couldn’t hear it.”

He spoke a lie that anyone could see through, with a calm face. It was audible even from outside the door…. But of course, I kept my mouth shut. Even while speaking to the trainer, Jihyuk’s eyes were on me.

“…Right. From now on, let’s be a bit… more careful. Jihyuk-ah, I might get injured at this rate….”

“Good work. You can go now.”

Jihyuk’s cold, cutting words were so blunt that even I felt embarrassed. But despite the arrogant tone, the trainer could not express any complaints. Muttering a half-hearted ‘Uh, okay, I’ll be going,’ the trainer hastily packed his things and disappeared through another door inside.

And in the end, only the two of us were left here.

“……”

“……”

In truth, I no longer had any reason to stay here either. Should I just turn around and leave quietly? Still, should I at least apologize for the misunderstanding… or not. No. Then I would have to tell him the truth, that I thought he was beating Jiwon…. While I was hesitating, just nibbling on my lip, Jihyuk spoke first.

“We’ve been seeing each other a lot lately, Woo Jiwon’s teacher?”

“…Uh… Yeah.”

His smirking face was clearly mocking me for misjudging the situation. Lacking the confidence to meet his pouring gaze, I lowered my head.

What should I do? What should I say? If he asks why I opened the door, what should I answer? In that short time, options for survival poured into my head like a torrential rain. Which one should I choose to be able to finish tutoring in this house without any trouble until the end and get out safely? But as if mocking me for frantically racking my brain, Jihyuk spoke first.

“Why. Afraid I was beating Woo Jiwon up?”

“……”

“Were you that worried? Enough to recklessly open the door while someone else is working out?”

Jihyuk’s words hit the nail on the head, and all the options in my mind were deleted at once. I had no more excuses to make.

“…I’m sorry.”

I apologized in a small voice. My action just now was, clearly, out of line. On top of that, I had even misunderstood Jihyuk. It was a situation where he could be justifiably offended.

“…I… was mistaken.”

I tried to continue, but it was hard to find the next words. No words seemed appropriate. But unfortunately, my brief apology seemed to have come across as very insincere to Jihyuk. A twisted expression immediately appeared on his sharply defined face.

“Teacher.”

“……”

“Why are you so grating on my nerves?”

The question he asked out of the blue was sufficiently insolent. But I could not easily answer it. The me who had boldly stated my intentions and told Jihyuk he was unpleasant during our first meeting was nowhere to be found. Now, unlike back then, I was clearly in a position where I had to submit to this kid.

“…I’m sorry.”

There was nothing else to say but to apologize again. I offered a silent apology and lowered my head again. Like a sinner awaiting judgment, I waited for Jihyuk’s reaction, clenching my fists.

The short silence that felt like an eternity ended, and a deep voice delivered the sentence.

“Teacher. Me.”

“……”

“I can’t stand to see the things Woo Jiwon is comfortably enjoying in this house, it makes my insides twist, you know? To the point where I want to tear it all to shreds and devour it myself.”

Hearing Jihyuk’s voice, smeared with loathing, my eyes widened on their own. Jihyuk’s hatred for Jiwon was beyond anything I had imagined. Overwhelmed by his icy ferocity, I could not bring myself to lift my head. I had nothing to say in response, only able to move my lips.

“You’re included in that, so be careful. Stop being so grating.”

Right. A domineering voice was better suited to informal speech anyway. Better than the polite speech he used to mockingly pretend to respect a person, which was just pathetic.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Jihyuk walked straight past me. The shoulder he lightly brushed against as he passed by flinched back. His massive body was that solid. And, in the place where he passed, only a strong body odor remained.

I stood there for a moment with my eyes closed. The existence of Jihyuk, who was just my tutee’s younger brother, was also ‘grating’ to me. I couldn’t stand the sight of him, a kid younger than Jiwon, who casually used informal speech, looked down on, and ignored me. That was my honest feeling.

But if there was a difference between him and me, it would be that Jihyuk was in a position to command me in informal language not to be grating, and I was in a position to endure this humiliation and go up the stairs to the second floor to teach Jiwon.

Still, one more time. There was only one more time left. For now, that fact was my salvation.

I opened my eyes, which had been closed for a long time. Embracing the swirling humiliation, I took a step toward the second floor.

📖

I started a big cleaning of the house for the first time in a while. Even so, cleaning a small, two-room house does not take very long. Still, if you do not sweep and wipe periodically, dust tends to pile up quickly.

This is the house where Jeonghee and I lived with our mom since we were little. Now, Jeonghee has gone to the university dormitory and Mom is hospitalized, so I have ended up living alone.

The monthly rent, no matter how shabby the house, was more expensive than our university’s dormitory fees, but I had no intention of leaving this place. If I were to clear this place out, and I lived my life and Jeonghee lived hers, and then Mom woke up. Then Mom would have no place to return to. That was the reason I was protecting this place without moving into the school dormitory.

Originally, I used the small room by myself, and Mom and Jeonghee used the big room together. That is why even now, Mom’s and Jeonghee’s belongings remain in the big room as they were. Jeonghee comes by once or twice every two to three weeks to drop off or pick up her things. It was hard to store a lot of clothes in the dorm, so she tended to switch them out.

When the three of us lived in this house, I thought it was really small. Although I felt a great sense of gratitude and apology to Jeonghee for enjoying the privilege of using a room by myself among the family, I could not help but feel that it was cramped. This house, which did not even have a living room, had a narrow passage that was used as a kitchen, and the two adjoining rooms were not spacious at all. Especially in the small room I used, I could not fit a desk. So when I studied at home, I had to either unfold a small table or lie on my stomach on the bedding.

It was a place that felt so cramped, but now that two people have left, it even feels empty. If I stay still without moving, I feel a lonely void, so I busily moved my body. After I finish cleaning, I’ll go visit Mom and then go to the school library. I did not want to stay longer in a house where there was no comfortable place to study and where I would 괜스레 think of the two of them.

It was while I was diligently cleaning the small room after finishing the big room. For the first time in a while, I pulled out the small drawers I use instead of a desk, one by one. As I was wiping the inside of the dusty drawer unit and putting useless items into a trash bag, a single photo tucked away in the innermost corner caught my eye.

“…Haha.”

Looking at the photo, a faint laugh escaped my lips. I carefully wiped the photo, which was covered in a fine layer of dust, with a wet wipe. It was a photo from my middle school graduation, which I still remembered vividly.

Taejun hyung, who was three years older than me, was a mentor connected through the Youth Protection Center. As a young head of the household, I was receiving various forms of help from the government, and Han Taejun hyung, whom I met around that time, was included in those benefits. Hyung, who was a good and smart student, needed volunteer service records, and I learned how to study from him. In addition to the goal I had set while thinking of my mother since I was young, the sole desire to go to the same school as the hyung I admired was added, and I devoted myself entirely to studying, unlike others my age.
In that process, we became genuinely close. When hyung came to my middle school graduation, I could not have been more proud of him. At a graduation where neither my mom nor my dad could come, hyung was my guardian. He gave me flowers, put his arm around my neck familiarly as usual for a photo, and bought me meat, which I liked.

Although we could not meet often after the mentorship ended when hyung became a college student, the memory of that graduation day allowed me to maintain the warmth of my feelings for him during the three years without him.

But now, it is all a futile act. When hyung brightly smiled and introduced me to the first girlfriend he ever had, I was a brand new college freshman. I had wanted to be his junior, and although I wondered if such a day would come, my secret wish to possibly become something more was shattered to pieces on the spot. I felt like a complete idiot for complacently thinking that things might just work out well.

It was then that I shoved this photo, which I had cherished in a frame, into the corner of the drawer. I guess I could not bring myself to throw it away. I smiled bitterly and hesitated for a moment, holding the photo. When I tried to put it in the trash bag, my hand did not move as I intended.

“…I should just return it.”

I barely reached that conclusion and put the photo in my wallet. Because I cannot just throw away someone else’s face. And it is also my graduation photo. That cowardly self-justification sounded ridiculous in the face of a long-held one-sided love, but it did not matter anyway. It was a feeling that no one but me knew about.

The one-sided love, which had faded pathetically like the photo, came to an end like that, and in the face of flowing time, I became quite indifferent. It no longer bothered me to see Taejun hyung’s face in the photo. Unlike in the past, when just looking at it made my heart ache with a dull pain.
Just then, the phone rang. I instinctively reached for the phone and then my eyes widened.

[Taejun hyung]

For a moment, I was so startled it felt like I’d been caught thinking about the past while looking at the photo with hyung, a foolish thought. The timing was so impeccable it reminded me of the old saying that a tiger will appear if you speak of it.

It was not that surprising for hyung to call. But it had been almost three weeks since hyung went to America, and during that time, he had not sent me a single message.

I had thought that he might at least ask how the tutoring was going. Nevertheless, the reason I did not contact him first was that I was worried I might disturb him if he was busy or with his family. So I just sent a couple of brief texts like ‘Tutoring is going well,’ and ‘Are you doing well?’, but I never received a reply.

I cleared my throat and answered the phone. An announcement about international call charges and it being a collect call came on, but I thought I would just end it quickly.

“Hello.”

—Oh, oh, Jeonghyun-ah. You’ve been well, right?

His voice, which I had not heard in a long time, sounded somehow low and subdued. Surprised, I skipped the greetings and asked outright.

“…Hyung. Did something happen?”

—……

After a short silence, hyung let out a sigh.

—It’s just… Jeonghyun-ah. I think I’ll have to stay here a little longer. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my promise to meet you when I return, so that’s why I called.

“For…what reason?”

—A family member was suddenly injured.

“What?!”

My voice shot out on its own. Taejun hyung continued in a gloomy voice.

—The main treatment will probably be done in Korea… but it seems we have to finish the emergency treatment here before we go. It’s hard to move easily.

“What, does that mean… are they badly hurt?”

An unpleasantly fast heartbeat quickened its pace. The tiresome and familiar trauma that had been dormant woke up inside me. Shuddering, I waited for Taejun hyung’s next words.

—My mom hurt her leg. A car suddenly hit her and drove off…. Still, for the scale of the accident, it’s not a life-threatening situation. But we’re not in a position to go to Korea right now, and they say some treatment is needed here first.

“…I see…. Hyung, what are you going to do.”

—I’m okay. I’m….

A moment of silence passed. Knowing well that any hasty words would be rash, I chose to keep my mouth shut instead of offering clumsy comfort.

—Anyway… I’ll tell your mother-in-law, but I thought I should tell you in advance too.

“I see…. For now, hyung… I understand. She’ll be okay. Don’t worry too much.”

—Right. Hah…. What should I do about Jiwon? Should I find a new teacher? His exams are coming up soon… how can I find a new teacher now?

His tone genuinely worried about Jiwon. It was one of the reasons I liked hyung, his sense of responsibility. He was someone who did his best even with mentoring, which he could have just gone through the motions for.

However, in the options hyung was considering, my existence could not be found. He had not even considered me as Jiwon’s teacher from the beginning. That was a bit bitter, but I soon composed myself. The promise to be a substitute for only three weeks remains unchanged anyway. I forced a smile and comforted hyung.

“Jiwon is doing well. Don’t worry, hyung. Focus more on your mother’s recovery.”

—Haa…. Right. Thanks.

“It’ll be okay, hyung. I mean it.”

—Yeah…. Thank you, really. I’ll contact you again when I go to Korea later.

The call ended. I stared at the disconnected screen for a moment, then shifted my gaze to the faded graduation photo tucked in my wallet. Looking at hyung’s smiling face, I wondered when I would be able to return this photo.

I hope hyung is not hurting too much. I hope he is not having a hard time. The feelings I held for him had long since been sorted out and then some, but the wish for his well-being remained. Because he, who was my adult and guardian who had been with me during lonely times with nowhere to lean, was still precious to me.

So let’s not feel disappointed. Even if hyung had thought of me as a candidate for Jiwon’s full-time tutor, that would only be possible if the Madam accepted it. Considering that the Madam did not treat me properly as a teacher at our first meeting, the possibility of that was low. They would probably bring in some top-tier instructor who is famous in Cheongdam-dong. I heard Taejun hyung, though still a young graduate, came here on a special recommendation from a professor.

This kind of house is a place that gets recommendations directly from a university professor even when hiring a single tutor. So there was no way a mere college student like me could settle in as a full-time one.

I probably would not have to worry about money if I worked here officially. But even if such an opportunity came to me, I thought I would not be able to readily accept. It was because of the unwelcome boy I ran into every time I went. I really did not want to face him anymore. It was burdensome and difficult.

Right. I just need to do my part.

The thought I was having now became a comfort to me, as I was fundamentally a down-to-earth person. The unpleasantness and awkwardness I felt when thinking of Woo Jihyuk, and the subtle disappointment that hyung did not even consider my existence as a tutor. I was able to blow it all away and focus on cleaning again.

📖

“Oh. Good. Oh, you’re doing great….”

The red pen did not miss a single problem, circling every item. I turned the printout over and graded the next page, and it was the same. I had brought only the difficult ones from among the advanced problems in Probability and Statistics, Calculus, and Geometry, but at this rate, I thought he probably did not need to study math any more.

Although the Madam’s instruction was to focus on Physics 2, Jiwon had first requested that I look over his math as well. Since today was the last day, I readily agreed. Because I wanted to cater to the request of the student I had taught for at least a few times, rather than the words of the Madam of this house whom I would never see again.

“I don’t think you need to worry. You can just focus on physics. Your math is good.”

“Hehe, thank you.”

A shyly smiling face. A light blush spreads across his transparent complexion. Perhaps because his skin is so fair, his earlobes and the nape of his neck also flush easily.

The pen, held between Jiwon’s white, slender fingers, spun around once and then fell with a clatter. He tried to spin it once more, but the pen fell onto the desk again. I stared blankly at his childlike, clumsy skill and finally burst out laughing.

“What are you doing?”

“Ah….”

The nape of his neck turns redder. I stared at his face, which was smiling shyly at me, and waited for an answer. Jiwon’s lips parted bashfully.

“I… I practice pen spinning like this sometimes.”

“Why this?”

“Just… don’t you think it looks cool if you can do this well?”

Laughter burst out again. This kid, a young master from a rich family to this jaw-dropping extent, with a pretty face that could easily attract anyone’s favor, and skills to get into Hankuk University with ease. The kid who seemed unrealistically perfect suddenly seemed a bit more human.

“Are you good at this too, teacher?”

“Me? …I’m just…. Come to think of it, I think I spin it habitually too.”

“Wow! Can you do it just once for me?”

In front of Jiwon, who was looking at me with sparkling eyes, I ended up holding back my laughter and picking up a pen. I could not refuse when he was looking at me with such an expectant expression. I did not know what I was doing all of a sudden in the middle of teaching, but first, I picked up the pen I used most often from my pencil case. Since I was doing it, I wanted to do it well. For some reason, I suddenly got nervous over this.

Twirl, twirl, the pen rotated in my hand with a fluid motion.

“Oh, oh, that’s so amazing.”

Jiwon’s excited voice grew a little louder. Come to think of it, I guess I had been practicing whenever I had a spare moment. Even now, if I do not spin a pen when I have a short break, my hand feels somewhat empty. I placed the pen I had been twirling back down on the desk quietly. Jiwon, who had been watching my dazzling pen-spinning skills as if mesmerized, clapped.

“You’re cool, teacher.”

“What’s cool about it. You’re cooler for not getting a single math problem wrong.”

“…Really? Am I cool, teacher?”

The pink hue that had flushed his face spreads from the nape of his neck, to the corners of his eyes, to his earlobes. His face, which lit up in a flash, was as cute as a little brother’s, so I nodded with a smile, without resistance.

“Oh, you are cool. And praiseworthy. I wish all the kids I teach were as diligent and did as well as you.”

“…Do you teach other kids too?”

“Mm. I suppose so, right? I was originally tutoring two others before I started with you. Since I’m only seeing you for a little while anyway.”

As I put the pen into my pencil case while speaking plainly, I realized my mistake. It was true that it was temporary, but it did not seem like a good thing to have explicitly stated it was temporary in front of Jiwon. I had prepared for the class to the best of my ability, but from his perspective, it might have sounded like, ‘Since it’s temporary, I’ll just do a half-hearted job and leave.’

Sure enough, Jiwon’s face crumpled slightly.

“…Today is the last day, isn’t it.”

“That’s…right.”

An awkward silence flowed for a moment. I hurriedly changed the subject in a bright tone.

“Is there anything you’re curious about or want me to go over separately? Since today is the last day, I’ll go over everything for you. Even if it’s not about studying, um… it’s fine to ask about things like university life.”

“Anything?”

“Huh? Uh-huh. I’ll tell you everything I can.”

Only then did Jiwon’s expression, which had darkened a little, brighten up. Looking at his face, where the clouds cleared away so quickly, I thought that this kid seemed to be someone who reveals his inner thoughts quite well.

However, after hearing Jiwon’s next words, I opened my eyes wide.

“Then please tell me if you have a girlfriend, teacher.”

“…A girlfriend?”

For a moment, my thought process stopped.

“…Why that?”

I cautiously observed Jiwon’s expression. Why would this kid be curious about that? My preferences were a bit more private compared to the general world’s standards, so I could not help but become sensitive to such questions. Suddenly, Jiwon’s clear eyes seemed to be looking right through me, into my inner thoughts.

But the next moment, Jiwon grinned.

“Just because. Don’t students usually ask these kinds of things? Like, teacher, please tell us about your first love.”

“Ah…”

A deflated voice came out. Of course. How would he know…. For a moment, I thought I had worried about nothing, and I found myself ridiculous. I let out a faint laugh and answered with a light heart.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“You don’t have one right now?”

It was a little embarrassing to say that I had never had one before. I avoided Jiwon’s gaze, which met mine squarely, by looking down at an angle and vaguely nodded my head.

“…Yeah.”

“Why? You’re really handsome, teacher.”

Jiwon looked at me with his eyes wide open, with an expression that said he was genuinely curious. How does this kid say such things without batting an eye….

Come to think of it, Woojae also used to nag me all the time, telling me not to waste my face and to get a girlfriend. In truth, for me right now, regardless of gender or preference, I had no leeway to date at all. How should I explain this so that both this kid and Woojae would understand?

However, I soon let out a faint laugh. What is the need to make them understand? Both of them grew up comfortably in rich households, so they probably would not understand even if they heard it. So I just chose to give a vague answer.

“Um, just because. I don’t have the time right now. I’m busy just studying, tutoring… and things like that.”

“I see…”

He slowly nods his head. As if lost in thought, Jiwon’s gaze passed through me and looked toward a distant place. Then he asks again.

“Then, if the number of tutoring jobs you have decreases, will you have more time?”

I narrowed my brow once again. This time too, I did not quite understand the intention behind his question. But in any case, it was certain that having two tutoring jobs would be more relaxed than having three, so I gave a rough nod.

“That’s right. I suppose so.”

Although he is asking so innocently, since he is a smart kid, he probably noticed. The reason why I am doing several tutoring jobs despite that. That leisure is necessary not only in terms of time but also in terms of finances.

Should I say it was a relief? After that, Jiwon did not ask any more such questions. He just quietly solved the printouts, filling the remaining time.

“Good work.”

I gathered the scattered printouts with both hands, tapped them neatly on the desk to arrange them, and then handed them to Jiwon. Jiwon, who had been concentrating the whole time, stretched pleasantly in response to my words.

“Thank you, teacher. You worked so hard today too.”

“What work. You did it all. Oh right, and…”

Ahem, after clearing my throat, I carefully continued.

“That… you heard from the Madam, right? About Taejun hyung… I mean, Teacher Han.”

“Yes, I heard.”

Jiwon nods his head with a nonchalant expression. I was a little flustered that I could not read even the slightest crack in his face.

“So… it seems like your teacher will have to be changed completely. Well, I’m sure you already know, but…”

“……”

“That, the reason I brought this up is, Teacher Han was very worried about you. So…”

“Teacher.”

Jiwon cut me off, looking up at my eyes with a clear gaze.

“Can’t you continue being my tutor, teacher?”

“…Huh? Me?”

An absentminded sound came out of my mouth without me realizing it. I was so surprised that my eyes were wide open.

“Yes. I think I get along well with you, teacher. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to continue with you… would that not be possible?”

“That… um, I think I would have to talk about that with the Madam first, and also…”

There, I struggled to stop speaking. The Madam was one thing, but to be honest, there was another reason for my hesitation. But I could not very well say to Jiwon, ‘I’m a bit hesitant because of your brother.’ I licked my lips with my tongue once and barely found the right words.

“…I’m also tutoring other kids, so even if I were to do it, it would seem to require some… adjustment. And as I said earlier, I’m a bit, short on time.”

“You said you’d have more time if the number of your tutoring jobs decreased.”

“Uh, so. …I’m already tutoring other kids right now, so…?”

At Jiwon’s cryptic words, I tilted my head. Jiwon’s sulky expression looked just like a child’s. I had not experienced it much, but so far, Jiwon had been quick to understand and grasp things, so our conversations had rarely drifted like this. But for some reason today, I felt like the conversation with Jiwon was not connecting well.

Without saying more, Jiwon, who was staring at me with a clear gaze, smiled brightly.

“You’ve worked hard. Teacher.”

It was an impeccably neat farewell. Blinking at the unexpected conclusion, I picked up my pencil case.

“Huh? …Uh, uh. Okay. Well then, take care… and study well. I’ll really see you as my junior next year…”

“Teacher.”

Jiwon lightly grabbed my wrist as I was about to put the pencil case into my bag.

“Can you give that to me? As a memento of our meeting.”

“Huh? What thing?”

I had not at all expected Jiwon to ask for something from me, so I looked down at him with wide eyes. What Jiwon pointed at, asking me to give it to him, was a completely unexpected item.

“That. The pen you were spinning earlier, teacher.”

“…The pen?”

“Yes. As a fellow Hankuk University senior. I feel like if I study with that, I’ll somehow be able to get into Hankuk University.”

I could not refuse when he put it like that. Although it was worn from long use and familiar to my hand, it was still just a single pen. But there was one thing that bothered me. The name, Kim Jeonghyun, written neatly on a piece of paper, and the Scotch tape applied over it.

I was embarrassed by the shoddily attached name tag. I hastily took the pen out of the pencil case and raised my fingernails to peel off the name tag first. I did not want to show my pathetic lack, where I was so reluctant to lose this one pen that I even wrote and attached a name tag.

However, before I could peel off the name tag, Jiwon swiftly snatched the pen from my hand.

“Don’t peel it off. Why would you peel off a pretty name tag.”

“But still, the Scotch tape is all tattered…”

“It’s okay. Thank you, teacher. I’ll get good energy looking at your pen.”

Jiwon, who cut me off cleanly, smiled sweetly. There was not a single superfluous movement as he zipped open his pencil case, popped my pen inside, and zipped it closed again.

“…Okay. Let’s do our best. If… you have any questions before you find a new teacher, you can contact me anytime.”

“Really?”

His eyes, shining with a different light again, sparkle at me. I readily nodded my head.

“Uh-huh. I can look over a few wrong answers.”

“Wow…. Thank you, teacher.”

“Sure.”

Facing the kid who smiled without hesitation, his eyes creasing beautifully, I smiled back at him. Even if it was not for the money I would receive upon leaving this house, there was no way Jiwon, who studied hard on his own and did his homework well, would not be endearing. It would be great if I only taught kids like this. It was an undeniable fact that this kind of student was much more comfortable than those who always slacked off and only thought of ways to postpone tutoring.

Smiling, I held out one hand. The hand that soon grasped mine was a little damp.

“Take care. Stay healthy, and manage your condition well until the day of the CSAT.”

“You’re saying goodbye as if you’ll never see me again.”

Jiwon pouted his lips. Well… to be honest, was there any reason for me to see this kid again? But instead of saying that out loud, I chose to smile vaguely.

“Well then, take care on your way in.”

“Yeah.”

Leaving Jiwon’s farewell behind, I went down to the first floor, and the housekeeper handed me an envelope.

“You’ve worked very hard until now.”

“Thank you.”

After bowing my head to the housekeeper, I left the mansion with quick steps. My hands were itching to open the envelope as soon as possible. Even though I knew the hourly wage before I started, still.

The time it took to take the bus to the subway station felt unusually long. I hurriedly went into the subway station restroom and locked the door. I checked the locked door two, three times, and with a trembling hand, I opened the envelope. As expected, the envelope contained no small number of yellow bills.

My heart pounded and throbbed. With this, with this money… I can make a partial payment on the overdue hospital bills, set aside 200,000 won for Jeonghee, and also pay the rent. As I made such calculations, my mind was colored with hope.

Yes, really. There is no law that says a person must die.

Coming out of the restroom with a beaming smile, I clutched the bag containing the envelope of money as if it were the most precious treasure in the world.

📖

“Hey, hey, drink up! Cheers!”

“Cheers!”

Sizzle, the sound of meat cooking and the boisterous sound of clinking glasses filled the restaurant. Today was the day the last major exam ended, and I was having a pleasant drink at a barbecue restaurant, pushed by my classmates who insisted we had to have a drink today.

I did not know how long it had been since I last ate meat. Triangle kimbap, cup ramen, instant rice, cup rice…. Just thinking about it made me sick of retort pouch foods, but eating freshly grilled hot meat with warm rice made me feel like all the cells in my body were coming back to life. How long has it been since I ate food grilled over a fire, not microwaved?

“What are you doing? Huh? Are you holding back? Drink more!”

“This bastard Lee Woojae is drunk!”

“Yeah, I’m drunk, you bastard. If you don’t get drunk on a day like today, then when do you get drunk?”

“Ah, that’s right. What are you gonna do when you go to Canada? You can’t drink your beloved soju.”

“Shut up. They have Korean marts, you know?”

Woojae was scheduled to go to Canada for a short-term language study as soon as the vacation started. It was really just for the duration of the vacation, and honestly, the schedule was closer to a trip than a study program. Woojae, who poured soju into his glass with a relaxed face, smiled at me.

“Hey, but what’s up with Kim Jeonghyun? You don’t usually come to gatherings.”

“Ah, I know right. Wasn’t Kim Jeonghyun the busiest kid at Hankuk University?”

“That’s right. What makes you so busy?”

My classmates lightly laughed and nudged me. Even though I knew they were saying it without any ill will, I smiled vaguely and brought a water cup to my lips. I was at a loss for words. Just then, Lee Woojae cleverly interjected.

“Jeonghyunnie made time to hang out with this hyungnim today, didn’t he? Huh?”

“What? Wasn’t it because he didn’t want to see your face all this time?”

A burst of laughter erupted. Fortunately, thanks to Woojae’s smooth interjection, the attention that had been on me shifted to Woojae. Woojae laughed heartily and slickly put his arm around my neck.

“Take good care of our Jeonghyunnie after this hyung-ah is gone.”

“Ah, what are you saying. Are you gay?”

My classmates giggled. Next to them, I had nothing else to say but to laugh awkwardly.

Honestly, the fact that I could fit into this gathering without much trouble, despite having skipped class gatherings with various excuses for more than a day or two, was purely thanks to Lee Woojae. So I understood why Lee Woojae, knowingly or unknowingly, treated me like a child left by the water. He is always a very grateful friend.

Smiling bitterly, I brought the glass to my lips and drank it down. The bitter, strong liquid went down my throat. I am not usually a good drinker, and as the kids said, I have rarely come to gatherings like this, so I am not used to alcohol. The alcohol that scratched its way down my esophagus burned heavily in my stomach.

“I’m gonna step out for a bit.”

“Huh? Jeonghyun, you smoke?”

As I was about to stand up with a flushed face, someone glanced up at me and asked.

“Ah, no. Just… I’m dizzy.”

“This bastard can’t hold his liquor. Hey, want me to go out with you?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be right back.”

A faint smile escaped my lips without me realizing it. With a reddened face, I kept smiling and slipped out from between the narrow tables. Exhaling a hot breath, I leaned against a suitable spot on the wall surrounding the restaurant. Taking in the view of the bustling summer night university street, I smiled foolishly again like a person with a screw loose.

I usually hear that I have no expression, but when I drink, I smile so easily…. Honestly, I am not sure if I keep smiling like this because I am drunk, or because of my temporarily thickened pockets.

Yes, money definitely makes a person feel more at ease.

Watching the men smoking deliciously next to me, I smacked my lips without realizing it. Although I was discharged for medical reasons, there was only one reason I did not learn to smoke even when I was briefly in the military.

‘Money…. That damn money.’

I thrust my hands into my pockets and fidgeted with the lint on the fabric. Today’s gathering is a case in point. It is not that I dislike this kind of atmosphere, it is just that I could not come. I think I did not hate it. I can eat as much delicious food as I want, and I can listen to the kids chattering with a much more relaxed mind… A bitter smile appeared when I thought that the leisure of this summer night I am enjoying now all comes from one place.

This is also temporary. By next month, I will probably be struggling again. But it could not be helped. I just have to do my best within the environment that will be given to me in the future.

Jiwon’s tutoring was an opportunity that came to me like a stroke of luck, and although there were not only pleasant things in the process, the reward was as sweet as what I am enjoying now.

Let’s just be thankful that I was able to get through this month well.

It was while I was thinking that and about to go back inside the restaurant. Vrrr, my phone rang. I looked at the screen and saw an unknown number. I hesitated for a moment, but there was no reason not to answer, so I pressed the call button.

—Hello. Is this Teacher Kim Jeonghyun’s number?

The voice I heard was clearly the Madam of that house.

For a moment, I felt like I was sobering up instantly. Stuttering, I blurted out, ‘Uh, yes, hello,’ in a fumbling reply. But unlike me, who was flustered, the Madam got straight to the point, just like on the day we first met.

—Are you interested in continuing to tutor our kid?

My wandering footsteps in front of the restaurant came to a dead stop.

“Tutor…ing?”

—You should know the situation from hearing it from Teacher Han.

Her blunt tone was fully laced with irritation.

—We were trying to find a new one, but our kid keeps saying he likes Teacher Kim. He said he gets along well with you?

“…Ah…”

—How about it. Are you interested? You’ve already received payment, so you know we pay well. He’s good at everything else anyway, so you just have to tutor him in physics like last time.

Objectively, there was no reason to refuse. It was a good opportunity that made the regret I felt just moments ago seem pointless. Jiwon was a student who did well on his own, and his and my teaching styles matched well.

And above all, the most attractive point was definitely the pay. If I could receive the same amount I received this time every month, I would be able to live a little more comfortably without being too tied down by things like my mother’s hospital bills or living expenses.

However.

“……”

The words ‘Yes, I’ll do it’ just would not come out of my mouth. Even when I tried to open my mouth to answer, something like a black shadow followed, amplifying my hesitation.

The fear I felt when I was trapped alone with Jihyuk in that room seemed to have left a bigger scar on my psyche than I thought. His threatening voice, telling me not to be grating anymore, was still alive in my ears. Even though it was the voice of a kid younger than me, Jihyuk’s last words to me were enough to instill a sense of caution in me.

I really, did not want to face that kid again. If possible, forever in my life.

—You’ll do it, right?

Even at the Madam’s urging, I was just biting my lips. After kicking the ground a few times with the toe of my worn-out sneakers, I barely opened my mouth.

“…I’m, sorry, Madam.”

—……

“I don’t think… it will be possible.”

Even after giving my answer, I felt empty. The thrilling sense of elation I felt when I opened the envelope of money in the restroom crumbled away before my eyes. How proud I had been on the subway ride home, happily making all sorts of calculations in my head.

Even though I had just consoled myself by thinking I should be satisfied with what I had already received, human greed truly has no end. Even as I resolved not to dwell on what was already gone, when the same opportunity dangled right in front of my eyes, just within reach, greed surged once more.

—Why? Was there something you were not satisfied with?

“……”

—Tell me. If the pay was not enough, I’ll add more.

The Madam did not seem to have any intention of hiding the irritation in her tone, but rather, her frankness was helpful to me right now. If she had asked why in a worried, sweet tone, I might have hesitated at least once.

However, the Madam’s high-handed tone was more than enough to remind me of someone who had been weighing on my mind all along.

“…No. It’s not a matter of pay. …I appreciate the offer, but it seems it will be a bit difficult. I’m sorry.”

So, I was able to speak a little more firmly and end the call. After hanging up, I felt strange. I felt regret for the missed opportunity, but on the other hand, I felt relieved. Because with this, the probability of encountering the person I never wanted to see again had disappeared.

He said I was grating to him, but I was not relaxed enough to weigh such a feeling against my own survival. Rather, there was definitely something more than a simple feeling of dislike and displeasure.

Someone might laugh at me and call me a coward if they heard, but I think I had probably sensed it instinctively from the very beginning. It was faint, as if heard from far away, but there was definitely a warning sound ringing within that mansion, and I knew I had to avoid it.

You did the right thing, Kim Jeonghyun. You did the right thing….

Repeating that to myself several times, I put the phone with the turned-off screen into my pocket. And once again, I turned my head toward the inside of the restaurant. Woojae and my classmates, who happened to be looking this way, waved at me. Telling me to come in quickly.

A laugh leaked out again, foolishly. Right, whatever happens from now on… for now, I wanted to enjoy this simple happiness given to me today. I wanted to be like others my age, just eating delicious meat, drinking like there is no tomorrow, and chattering with my classmates about nothing of substance…. I wanted to live like that, at least for one day.

I tried my best to shake off the corner of my heart that had become strangely unsettled by the phone call just now, and with a bright laugh, I stepped into the restaurant.

📖

It was the sound of my cell phone vibrating, which had been ringing incessantly for a while, that pulled my consciousness back as it kept trying to sink into the depths of sleep.

“…Hah…”

My completely hoarse throat was raspy. I barely managed to reach out my hand and grope the cold floor.

A sigh was the first thing to come from my half-awake body. The soju I drank yesterday felt like it had hardened into a giant lump of lead inside my organs. Faced with a terrible hangover that was pounding my head, I could not easily pick up my cell phone and curled my whole body. It felt like I might suddenly vomit if I was not careful.

The vibration of the cell phone, which had been trembling, stopped abruptly. Ughhh, a dying groan crawled out of my throat. Still, today is a day with nothing planned, so wouldn’t it be okay to be a little lazy? It is a Saturday with no tutoring or classes.

Thinking that far, the hangover that covered my whole body did not feel so bad. In a slightly happier mood, I was just pulling the thin blanket over my head. Vrrr, vrrrrr…. The persistent vibration that had been tormenting me started ringing again.

“…Ugh.”

It could not be helped. I finally reached my hand out from under the blanket and picked up the phone. The moment I strenuously lifted my sticky eyelids and checked the screen, my consciousness sharpened in an instant, and my eyes flew open.

A chill ran down my spine. I answered the phone in a stammering voice.

“H-Hello.”

—You’re the guardian of patient Lee Seonyoung, correct?

“Yes, yes.”

It was the voice of a nurse I encountered at the station every day. A call from the ward’s phone number could only mean one of two things. Either something very good, or… the worst case scenario.

“Is there… by any chance, something wrong?”

The nurse’s short sigh cut through the conversation.

—Guardian, I think you need to come in now.

“F-For what reason… is something wrong, wrong with my mom?”

—Her condition has worsened a bit. I think you’ll need to come and have a consultation with the attending physician for the details.

At those words, I frantically grabbed my clothes and ran outside. I did not even have the presence of mind to wash my face. While waiting for the subway that was taking its time to arrive, I stared blankly at my reflection in the platform screen door. My hair a complete bird’s nest, wearing the same shabby clothes I wore at home. Even to my own eyes, I looked like a guy with a screw loose, and despite the situation, a fleeting laugh escaped me.

I could not even contact Jeonghee. For now, I wanted to hear the detailed situation myself first. It was a Saturday morning, after all; she was probably sleeping in too. Because she was a kid who lived just as hard as I did, I wanted her to have a good night’s sleep for at least one day without any disturbance.

As soon as I got off at the subway station, I ran toward the building in front of me. The hospital sign on the old building was discolored and blackened here and there. Some letters were even falling off. In the plaza in front of the building, people who looked homeless were always sitting with expressionless faces, each with an IV drip attached. A sign said ‘No Smoking,’ but right in front of it was an ashtray filled to the brim with cigarette butts.

As always, people were lined up in front of the old elevator. My heart was racing, so I ran up the emergency stairs next to the elevator. The alcohol and food I had eaten yesterday churned and mixed wildly in my stomach. But right now, I did not even have the luxury to feel the hangover.

Drenched in sweat, I pressed the call button at the entrance of the intensive care unit. After an identity check, the door opened with a click.

“Hello. I’m, patient Lee Seonyoung’s…”

“Ah, the attending physician is over there. Doctor! The guardian is here.”

In the intensive care unit where over twenty people were lying, there was no separate space just for my mom. A single thin curtain drawn between the beds was the only means of creating a boundary with the patient in the next bed. Breathing heavily, I followed the attending physician to the side of the bed where my mom was lying. When I flung the curtain open, I could not help but open my eyes wide in shock.

“What, what is this…”

“Ah, guardian.”

Until now, my mom had been breathing well on her own without any special respiratory support. She had not even used an oxygen mask except for when she first came to the hospital. But now, my mom was on a ventilator. With a thin tube wrapped in tape inserted into her mouth, the area under my mom’s eyes looked unusually blue.

I felt a wave of dizziness and staggered. The doctor quickly grabbed my arm. Having been lying here for so long, several doctors had come and gone for my mom, and the doctor standing in front of me now with a troubled expression was a young man who had newly taken over the intensive care unit and had been seeing my mom for only about two months. The doctor, pulling a pen out of his grubby gown, began to speak.

“Well… you know better since you’ve been here for several years. That we’ve been continuing conservative treatment because there were no particular changes in the patient’s vitals.”

“…Yes.”

“But around four in the morning today…”

The doctor’s pen pointed to the monitor.

“Her oxygen saturation level suddenly dropped a lot. After intensive observation, that state repeated several times, so we urgently took a lung CT, MRI, and X-ray, and…”

With a click, the computer screen next to my mom’s bed changed. On the blurry photo of my mom’s lungs, I could see white lump-like masses clustered here and there. From years of experience, I could tell at once that it was not a good sign.

“Her body temperature was also suddenly observed to be high, and her inflammation levels in the blood test were also much higher.”

“Then that… why…”

“…The cause is unknown, but it appears to be a complication from pneumonia.”

The doctor made a troubled face.

“In cases like this where a patient has been bedridden for so long, pneumonia of an unknown cause can sometimes occur.”

“……”

“But… the patient’s condition is not very good right now, and as you know, at our hospital… it’s a bit difficult to prepare for emergency situations.”

My vision went blank and I clenched my fists. I felt like I knew what the doctor would say next without even having to hear it.

“I recommend transferring her to a more advanced hospital. I suggest you go there, get her on a better ventilator and receive some treatment, and after passing this crisis, transfer back here.”

“…Then, when…”

“It’s best to do it as quickly as possible. It would be good to do it today, right away. If you, the guardian, just give your consent, we will make the calls so she can be transferred immediately.”

There was no choice. If I chose to stay here and do nothing, my mom would slowly die here. No, maybe not slowly. I knew that much without this doctor having to tell me.

“Please, please do that.”

I cried out in a desperate voice. The answer to come from my mouth was already set as one. Money, procedures, all that came later.

“Then please sign the consent form here.”

I signed countless consent forms, so many I could not count them, and ran out of the intensive care unit. My stomach, which had started to churn when I was listening to the doctor’s explanation, finally revolted as if having a seizure. I ran into the restroom right next to the ICU, stuck my head in the toilet, and threw up.

Everything I had eaten the night before seemed to have already been digested, as only yellow bile came out. Dripping with cold sweat, I walked over to the sink. A slight dizziness came over me. I turned on the cold water and wet my face, then wiped it with a stiff paper towel.

And I spoke to the boy with hollow eyes standing in front of the mirror in a clear tone.

Get a grip. It’s not that desperate. As long as Mom can be okay. The fact that there’s something we can do means, conversely, that there is also hope.

I clasped my hands, which had become cold from the water, as if in prayer. Now, once the hospital my mom is transferring to is ready to receive the patient, we will move together in an ambulance. I could not help but first think that it was a great relief that today was Saturday.

When I looked at the clock, it was already past noon. Sitting in the waiting room, I took out my phone and called Jeonghee.

—Oppa? What’s up?

While I explained the situation, Jeonghee’s voice answering over the phone began to tremble. After hearing the whole story, Jeonghee finally started to sob. Soothing my younger sibling, I squeezed my eyes shut.

“It’s okay. …It’s not like something has happened to Mom yet. We just need to go to a big hospital, get good treatment, and when she comes back…”

—Oppa. But… the money… where do we have the money.

“……”

At that one sentence, I almost burst. I bit down hard on the lump that filled my chest and desperately swallowed it. If I showed that I was shaken, I felt like Jeonghee would also break down.

“…It’s okay. We’re medical aid patients, so we’ll get a lot of government support. So don’t worry… about it. It’ll work out somehow.”

—…Oppa, I’ll head over now.

“Okay. If you get ready and come, the timing should be about right. They’re preparing for the transfer here too.”

—Okay. Just wait a little bit.

As soon as I hung up the phone, a long, held-in sigh burst out. The weight of the worry I could not show to Jeonghee was, in truth, endlessly heavy for me as well. No matter how composed I pretended to be, Jeonghee and I were only a year apart.

Covering my eyes with my hand, I clenched my teeth. The only thing that came to mind was the one phone call I had received yesterday while drinking with my classmates.

📖

With a hiss, I got off the subway. The station, which had been built so recently that it felt desolate, felt somewhat like an art museum in a way. The endlessly wide floor was faintly illuminated and shimmering under the bluish fluorescent lights.

Even the subway station near the place I was going to was different from where I lived. The subway station near my house, unlike this place, was old and dimly lit, and there were many drunkards.

‘Why the sudden change of heart? And in just one day.’

It was a voice that clearly contained mockery. However, as the Madam said, it was I who had changed my mind as easily as flipping my palm in a single day, so I just remained silent. It was something I had already steeled myself for when I decided to call this number again anyway.

‘Well, fine. When I said you couldn’t do it yesterday, our kid was very disappointed. He’ll be happy to hear you can do it again now.’

‘…I will work hard.’

‘Alright. Let’s talk about the details in person. Come to the house by twelve tomorrow.’

The call ended with what was more of a notification than a conversation. And now, I was on my way there, transferring subways several times to arrive by the time the Madam had specified. ‘Right. The truth is, I was disappointed to lose this job. The truth is, I wanted to do it too.’ I repeated to myself in my mind.

The insolent and threatening younger brother of a tutee, that is actually not a big deal. The truly scary thing is the reality of being unable to do anything and having to watch helplessly when a desperate situation arises.

Thinking like that, my choice from the previous night to reject the Madam’s offer for such a trivial reason felt ridiculous. In fact, on my way there on the subway, I let out a few hollow laughs. Just because I was scared of a single, damn, thuggish twenty-year-old boy, I’d kick away such a good opportunity? I even started to think that maybe it was a punishment for acting too extravagantly for my station in life.

My mother was transferred safely. She left the intensive care unit where twenty people were packed in with all sorts of different illnesses, separated only by a single curtain, and entered the medical intensive care unit of a university hospital. Unlike the previous place, it was not just one integrated ‘intensive care unit,’ but rather the ICUs were divided by various criteria like surgery, internal medicine, cardiology, pediatrics…. Seeing that, I realized how different a more advanced hospital was.

At the same time, I also had a thought. If I had a little more financial leeway, I would have her stay in a place like this continuously, without having to go back to the previous place…. That thought, which I had for a moment, was an overly extravagant one for the young and powerless me and Jeonghee.

For now, let’s focus on getting through this crisis. Thinking that with determination, I got on the bus that had arrived in front of me. To get to that house, I had to ride this bus for three stops, get off, and then walk up a long way.

It is so far away. I let out a small sigh, cooling the flowing sweat in the air conditioning.

‘He was very… disappointed when I said I couldn’t do it.’

I felt sorry for Jiwon, but during the process of making this decision and finally heading to that house, I had not thought of Jiwon even once. It was a choice focused solely on the situation I was in. His bright smile asking if I had a girlfriend, his face focused on solving problems, and him asking for the pen I used, all came to mind in succession. The feeling of guilt toward Jiwon deepened, and I scratched the back of my head.

Well, I can just do a good job from now on. He is a kid who does well on his own anyway, so I just need to help him focus more intensely on physics. He will probably come to our department without any trouble next year. It would feel different to see him as a junior then.

Thinking that, I got up, grabbed my old bag, and prepared to get off the bus. Just yesterday, of all things, it had gotten caught on a carelessly protruding nail and the bottom had torn a little. I did not have the money to buy a new one, so I had worn it without much thought, but I regretted it belatedly. Still, this was a formal meeting with the Madam, maybe I should have paid a little more attention….

When I pressed the bell, the buzzer sounded unusually loud and noisy with a Biiik.

‘Teacher. Why are you so grating on my nerves?’

‘You’re included in that, so be careful. Stop being so grating.’

The threatening voice I had been ignoring for a while revived at the same time. But I shook my head vigorously. I really did not have the luxury to play along with a child’s games anymore.

I arrived in front of the mansion and pressed the now somewhat familiar bell.

“Welcome. The Madam is waiting for you.”

“Ah, yes. Hello.”

A different employee from last time greeted me and bowed. At the words that the Madam was waiting, I hurriedly checked my watch first. The time we were supposed to meet was 12 o’clock, and it was now 11:45. I was not late for the appointment, but my steps quickened for no reason as I followed the employee toward the annex. I did not even have the leisure to say hello to the ducks in the pond.

The Madam, sitting on a chair in the middle of the drawing room, gave me a faint smile.

“Welcome.”

“Ah…. Hello.”

“Have a seat for now.”

“Ah, yes.”

As soon as I sat on the sofa, a sharp gaze blatantly swept over me. I had been in and out of this house several times, but today was the first time the Madam had looked at me in such detail. Seeing her eyes meticulously scanning me from head to toe, I was reminded of one of this household’s sons. I swallowed dryly on my own, but I endured her gaze with composure, keeping my own fixed somewhere around her philtrum.

Her scan seemed to be over, as the Madam opened her mouth.

“I’m not sure what made you refuse, and what made you decide to do it again. But you’ll probably be satisfied with the pay.”

“…Yes. Thank you.”

“Just focus on physics like last time, and just keep motivating the kid. He’s already reached his target scores in everything but physics anyway.”

“Yes. I understand.”

“Then sign here.”

What the Madam held out was a confidentiality agreement, stating that I would keep silent about everything that happens in this house. I gulped, looking at the document that seemed to have come straight out of a drama, but the Madam explained in a light tone as if it were nothing.

“It’s common sense anyway, isn’t it? That it’s not polite to go around talking about another family’s private matters.”

“Ah, yes. That’s right.”

From my few experiences here before, I had a vague idea of why the Madam would even require such an agreement. Because Woo Jihyuk was the most frightening and violent person I had ever encountered. But I was not the type to go around talking about what happens in this house anyway, nor did I have anywhere to talk about it. That is why signing it was easy.

After signing the confidentiality agreement, the next thing I received was the contract. My eyes widened at the hourly wage, which was set much higher than when I did the three substitute tutoring sessions. With this money, I could pay my mother’s hospital bills regularly to some extent while continuing my studies with just this one tutoring job, without having to do any other tutoring.

My heart pounded fiercely. I tried my best to hide my slightly trembling fingertips and signed the contract.

“Then I’ll be in your care from now on. Jiwon is waiting on the second floor, so go and see him.”

“Yes. I’ll… be in your care as well.”

“If it’s before lunch, finish the class and have a meal with Jiwon downstairs. The housekeeper is preparing a meal now.”

“Yes. …Yes?”

I, who had been nodding at the Madam’s words with a resolute expression, suddenly widened my eyes at the unexpected words.

“It seems our kid really likes you, Teacher Kim? He said he wanted to eat together since it’s the first day. I have to go out now for work, so if possible, eat with Jiwon.”

“Ah…. Yes, I understand.”

The contract was settled more quickly and simply than I thought. After she finished speaking, the Madam went into her room, and I stepped up the now somewhat familiar stairs. Even though this mansion was a place I did not particularly want to come to, right now I felt like I could dance. My heart, which had been pounding since I saw the payment amount on the contract earlier, started to race even harder now that I was alone, enjoying the joy to its fullest.

Let’s do well. I can do well. My chest swelled with excitement. Unable to hide my beaming face, I slowly walked toward Jiwon’s door.

Knock, knock, as soon as I knocked lightly, the door flew open.

“Teacher!”

Jiwon, who must have been sitting at his desk, sprang to his feet with a bright expression. A wide smile was spread across his clear face. He looked just like a fluffy puppy, which made me smile a little. This kid really has great social skills. I thought, he seems to like people without being picky.

“Thank you for coming back. I was really disappointed yesterday when you said you weren’t coming.”

“Were you? Sorry.”

He welcomed me so warmly that I almost patted his head. Smiling faintly, I untied my old bag and carefully set it down so that the small hole would not be visible. I remembered how the Madam had immediately brought up the topic of payment after scanning my attire earlier. I had a silly thought that I hoped at least Jiwon would not know the reason I changed my mind in a single day.

“I’m really happy. Teacher. You’re going to have a meal with us later, right?”

“Uh…”

There was no reason to refuse. If the Madam were with us, it might feel a bit uncomfortable, but there was no reason for me to be reluctant to eat alone with Jiwon. I was hungry too, as it happened. If I went home anyway, I would just be eating some shabby retort food by myself. I nodded readily.

“Yeah. If it’s not an imposition…”

“An imposition! Hehe, I asked her to make lots of delicious food. What kind of food do you like, teacher?”

“Me? …I…”

When was the last time I chose a meal menu while considering my preferences? I smiled bitterly and gave a vague answer.

“I like everything. Meat, vegetables, rice… anything.”

“What kind of answer is that.”

Jiwon smiled brightly.

“Eat a lot later. We have meat and vegetables and rice and everything.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

I felt a little awkward at his words, which sounded like he was teasing a child, but I just smiled and let it go. His clear eyes curved beautifully, holding my reflection. A light blush floated on his skin, which was so pale you could see the fine veins. Looking at him like this, it looks like a healthy complexion.

“Then shall we solve this today? You’ve probably already solved them all, but I’ve picked out only the in-depth problems from last year’s mock exam.”

“Okay.”

As if he had never been chatting idly with me, Jiwon immediately fixed his gaze on the printout I handed him and concentrated. It is a terrifying level of concentration every time I see it. When I look at Jiwon, I feel the kind of ecstasy one feels when looking at someone who is naturally good at studying. I crossed my arms and silently watched Jiwon, who was engrossed in the problems.

Slender fingers. A hand that shone white. And…

…Strangely, the image of another man, one who did not resemble Jiwon’s temperament at all, kept overlapping on top of him.

His rough, coarse hands were really big. His healthy, tanned complexion made his skin look even firmer. Unlike Jiwon’s eyes, which were narrowed with concentration, his eyes were relaxed, yet the corners of his eyes were sharp and fierce. When his pupils, smaller than others’, looked down at me, it felt like my breath was catching.

My brow furrowed slightly. An afterimage I did not want to think about kept automatically attaching itself to me now that I was here.

“Teacher. I’m done.”

“…Oh.”

Coming out of my reverie, I turned off the stopwatch. It was a minute shorter than the time I had set as a goal in my mind. Smiling generously, I reached out my hand and patted Jiwon’s head. Was it just my imagination? At that moment, it seemed like Jiwon’s light blush had deepened even more.

The class ended quickly. Strangely, classes with Jiwon never dragged on, so maybe that is why they felt like they ended so quickly.