NANOM Ch 18

Ah, fuck. The smell of a beggar.

That was the first thought that crossed my mind when I met Kim Jeonghyun.

📖

A face tanned honestly and clumsily under the scorching summer sun. Hair plainly styled without any intent to impress. A shabby button-up shirt and a worn-out bag starting to fray. Among all that, what caught my attention last was, surprisingly, his face.

His face was strikingly handsome despite his ragged appearance. Not ostentatiously good-looking, but rather youthful and fresh. The quintessential neat, model-student vibe. The kind of face that, at first glance, would stir the sadistic impulses of the rougher guys in a classroom.

It was painfully obvious he was trembling like a scared mouse yet trying to act tough. Clutching his bag strap tightly, shaking, the words he spat out were, without a doubt, the funniest thing I’d heard in Korean in a while.

“Uh. I’d appreciate it if you’d be careful. It’s offensive.”

Seeing him tremble yet put on airs was less dumbfounding and more just amusing. It made me want to tease him a little.

📖

I’d never been interested in the cheap thrill of tormenting the weak. From a young age, no matter where I went, I claimed the top spot. To me, the behavior of guys bullying the weak in the classroom seemed merely vulgar. Crushing those who cluelessly tried to climb up was fun, but I had no interest in the ant-like existences already at the bottom.

Yet, the reason I relentlessly pushed Kim Jeonghyun from the start was the impression I got from our first meeting. At a glance, Kim Jeonghyun was a pushover who’d never won a power struggle. Even as he tried to widen his docile eyes, his clenched fists trembled pitifully.

Is that a man’s fist? You couldn’t even kill an ant with that.

His tearful effort to cling to a fight where the outcome was already clear was admirable, but it didn’t sit well with me. If you’re weak, you should accept it and live accordingly, bowing to the strong. That was the efficient way of life I knew. Acknowledging everyone’s hierarchy and quickly finding your place was the way to live smoothly without conflict.

But Kim Jeonghyun still seemed unaware of that. So I kindly enlightened him. If he was here to make money, he needed to adopt the appropriate attitude.

When I brought up his poverty to demand submission, Kim Jeonghyun looked like he was about to cry. That expression was quite entertaining. But rather than a dangling, broken figure barely holding on, I preferred something cleanly cut, so I didn’t stop there.

The tongue visible in his prettily parted mouth was bright red. I placed the softest fruit flesh on it and crushed it mercilessly with a fork. He ate the juice flowing from the fruit I mashed with a dazed expression. With trembling hands, he didn’t dare push back, just looking at me with desperate eyes.

His tamed expression finally showed signs of submission. Only then was I satisfied.

📖

I pondered how to use this obedient teacher I’d suddenly acquired. In the midst of a boring routine I regretted returning to Korea for, Kim Jeonghyun was, at the very least, the most intriguing thing.

The answer was already in Woo Jiwon’s rotten gaze. The moment I noticed Woo Jiwon’s feelings for Kim Jeonghyun, disgust surged like a fountain.

Still acting like a fool without learning his lesson. I just wanted to kill Woo Jiwon outright. But this time, I wanted to put him in the same situation as before and watch him crash and burn, so I put a watcher on him.

The photos I received exceeded expectations. A picture of Woo Jiwon stroking Kim Jeonghyun’s hair in a hotel parking lot. Hell, why not just show me them fucking? The moment I saw it, my stomach churned, and I wanted to drag them both in and beat them senseless.

Yet, I was half-doubting whether they actually did anything at the hotel. For starters, I rummaged through Woo Jiwon’s room while he was out. When I saw Kim Jeonghyun’s pen and photo with his name clearly on them, I laughed out loud. That crazy bastard Woo Jiwon.

Looking at the halved photo, I suddenly got curious. Kim Jeonghyun’s face, sucking dick.

I couldn’t imagine that pitiful, proper face doing something like that. So I wanted to check. It was more curiosity for amusement than verification. Should I make him suck it for real? The thought crossed my mind briefly, but the first feeling that surged at the idea of doing that with another guy was, naturally, disgust.

However, Kim Jeonghyun’s face, flushed to his neck with a banana stuffed in his mouth, looking up at me with dazed eyes, wasn’t as disgusting as I’d thought.

📖

Kim Jeonghyun being gay too.

Honestly, I’d taken his phone to see what kind of conversations he had with Woo Jiwon, but it was an unexpected harvest.

Seeing a heart next to a saved group name, I laughed in disbelief. The simple, empty heart shape seemed oddly fitting for Kim Jeonghyun. So pathetic and devoid of style.

Doing filthy things like Woo Jiwon with that pitiful, proper face.

Disgust was definitely mixed with curiosity. An interesting idea came to mind. I’d been thinking about how to kill Woo Jiwon, but messing with him to death seemed more fun.

So I grabbed the wrist of a guy I had no interest in and dragged him around. I treated him to expensive meals, and he said it was burdensome. So I told him to pick what he wanted, and he took me to a cheap fast-food joint I’d never been to and never thought I’d go to in my life. And he said something I’d never heard before.

“I’ll pay.”

The hamburger was pathetically meager, and I cursed inwardly while eating it. Honestly, it tasted like shit, but watching Kim Jeonghyun glance at me every ten seconds was fun, so I finished it all.

📖

The first summer back in Korea wasn’t much different from before I left for the U.S. I played soccer or basketball with whoever was around, or called a coach for sparring when bored. But the endless boredom was unavoidable.

So there was no way I’d let go of Kim Jeonghyun, who’d slipped into my monotonous, boring routine.

I thought he was only fun to mess with. That I’d toss him aside when he was no longer useful. But unexpectedly, the trivial time spent with Kim Jeonghyun wasn’t so bad. It started as a stunt to piss off Woo Jiwon, but now Woo Jiwon felt irrelevant.

I wasn’t doing anything special. Just eating together or going to a café for tutoring.

Yet being with Kim Jeonghyun was fun. Despite his shabby, worn-out clothes, his face steadfastly did its job. His small, feminine hands diligently writing equations. His face trembling with fear yet trying not to show it when I teased him relentlessly.

Yes, I was definitely intrigued by those things. Kim Jeonghyun, who turned my usually boring life exciting in an instant, might make college life, which I wasn’t particularly interested in, more fun than I thought. If I could keep spending this trivial time with him.

“So if I become your junior, will you still eat and hang out with me then?”

After a moment’s thought, Kim Jeonghyun nodded even at that weird question. Every time I saw that blank, docile face, I couldn’t help but laugh. He didn’t know how to properly refuse or push back, yet his face betrayed every emotion despite not expressing them loudly, which was laughably pathetic.

Before, seeing Kim Jeonghyun dawdling cluelessly made me want to put him in his place. Now, my emotions were subtly skewed. Instead of crushing or cutting him cleanly, I wanted to keep him close and watch him.

“You… don’t feel this…”

Seeing his lips comically pressed and eyes narrowed into triangles, I burst out laughing again. I suddenly realized the texture of his face in my grip wasn’t repulsive. At twenty-two, unlike other rough guys, why did he have soft peach fuzz on his face, and why were his cheeks so soft like mochi?

Are all gay guys like this? But thinking of Woo Jiwon’s disgusting face, it clearly wasn’t the case. Anyway, Kim Jeonghyun was obvious, easy, and sometimes confusing.

Well… who knew messing with a guy’s face could be this fun? I coaxed him, saying I wouldn’t tease him anymore, but honestly, I wanted to keep playing with his face. Seeing his flushed, humiliated face, I kept chuckling like a fool.

📖

Crack.

No other word could describe the shitty change that came at a completely unexpected moment.

That day, for some reason, I really wanted to eat with Kim Jeonghyun. No particular reason. Besides tutoring, we met once or twice a week regularly, but I especially wanted to keep teasing him, with his scared, herbivore-like face in front of me.

But Kim Jeonghyun casually rejected my offer. As if eating with someone like me wasn’t a priority. That expression, from someone other than Mother, who I wasn’t used to being rejected by, left an infuriating scar.

When he couldn’t answer who he was meeting, the shitty heart-marked group name I’d seen before flashed in my mind. I don’t know why, but I was furious like a madman. I wanted to drag that Taejun hyung or whatever and beat him to a pulp.

When I told him not to go, Kim Jeonghyun, in a rage, shouted what right I had to interfere. Yet, with teary eyes, he looked up at me pleadingly, my heart pounding to its limit, spraying hot blood everywhere. My senses, sharpened to a razor’s edge, felt like they’d cut if they touched my skin.

I wanted to strangle him.

A strong impulse surged to my throat. A clear danger signal. One wrong move, and I might actually put my hands on his neck.

To hold onto reason, I barely grabbed his wrist, put it in my mouth, and bit. The hot flesh screamed in my mouth. But seeing Kim Jeonghyun’s tearful, pleading face, I let him go, surprised by the intense heat rising in me.

Staring at my thickened groin in the empty room after Kim Jeonghyun left, I let out a hollow laugh.

Arousal, fuck…

Is being gay contagious?

📖

To at least get a diploma, I had to attend the last semester in Korea. So I returned to the school I’d enrolled in and dropped out of. Whether they remembered the incident from years ago or my reputation for beating kids up since middle school, no one bothered me.

Instead, familiar gazes returned. Eyes mixed with desire and admiration. I stared at girls approaching me boldly, wondering if this shitty gay disease could be cured. But the storm rising inside me when I saw Kim Jeonghyun rarely happened otherwise.

I was definitely going crazy. I thought so, riding my bike to Kim Jeonghyun’s school. His tearful face looking up at me kept popping up unbidden. His hesitant compliance, letting me stroke his hair.

“…Good job, Jihyuk.”

Every time I recalled that Kim Jeonghyun, my dick got hard like a madman’s. Fuck, I’d definitely become a hopeless pervert. The disease was beyond confirmed. I wanted to twist his neck when I saw him. But the problem was, when I actually met him, that urge melted away.

He trembled so much and looked so scared whenever he saw me, I thought he’d cry or beg to get off if I put him on the back of my bike. If he did, I planned to ride slowly and let him off. But unexpectedly, Kim Jeonghyun grabbed my waist tightly with his slender fingers and shouted in my ear.

To go faster.

Despite clearly being unused to the body-shaking vibrations and the wind whipping by, he said that.

His words felt like they broke down a barrier. Like permission for my inexplicable emotions. Something tightly blocked burst open and poured out. Feeling overwhelming satisfaction, I pushed the speed to the limit. I wanted to go to the very end with him, where we couldn’t go any further.

“Alright, Jeonghyun.”

His cautious grip on my waist turned into a tight embrace. His warmth, despite the biting wind, made my disease flare hotly.

But it felt good. More than the thrill of my heart bursting, the satisfaction of saying his name out loud felt greater.

It was the first time I’d put my helmet on someone else. After tutoring, when I dropped him off at his place and pulled off the helmet, his slightly flattened face appeared. When I asked if he was scared, he shook his head. Not stopping there, Kim Jeonghyun, mumbling shyly, even said this.

“It was nice. The breeze was cool…”

Kim Jeonghyun was always lukewarm about everything. As if he was reluctantly going along, sometimes with a burdened look. But his small voice carried clear sincerity. A small shiver of unknown origin ran through me.

And I realized. It’d be hard to cure this gay disease for a while. It was all because of my tutor, who taught me not just studies but this shitty emotion. Because of Kim Jeonghyun, who showed me that wanting to go to the very end together wasn’t just my feeling.

So I pulled his forehead and kissed it. Even though he trembled in shock, I couldn’t easily let go, but I did so willingly. Seeing myself restrain even actions I’d normally do without hesitation, this gay disease seemed like the worst of the worst.

📖

After that, it was study, study, fuck, studying until I was crushed under the pile of books.

Because I wanted to call Kim Jeonghyun sunbae instead of teacher.

📖

The shitty college entrance exam was finally over.

When I turned on my phone after the exam, it buzzed like crazy. All were trivial questions about how I did. Most of the piled-up messages were from girls asking if I could meet or guys inviting me to drink.

Fed up with the endless notifications, I turned off the phone. My steps naturally headed to that shabby neighborhood I’d been to a couple of times. To that beggar-smelling place.

I just wanted to see Kim Jeonghyun first.

Not knowing when he’d come, I waited outside his house. Thinking how pathetic and lame I was, I stood under the falling snow. This was truly a first in my life.

White snow piled up, forming a thin layer on the ground. Occasionally, I kicked at the fragile layer covering the earth. Yet the snow kept piling, and piling again. I killed time with such pointless acts.

When the hell is he coming? Fuck, should I just kiss him when he shows up? Scare the shit out of him.

Waiting with silly thoughts, my mind was turning just as silly. As my patience was about to run out, his oh-so-precious figure finally appeared under the streetlight.

“Uh, what’s going on? Why are you… here?”

His wide eyes and open mouth looked utterly dumbfounded. I slowly walked toward his face, glowing yellow under the streetlight.

Snowflakes melted on his hair. A small body in a thin, cheap jacket. Cheeks and lips reddened by the cold. Seeing that, I nearly acted on the silly thought from earlier.

“I’m cold and hungry. Cook me some ramen.”

At my whining, Kim Jeonghyun looked bewildered but gestured for me to come in. His attitude of willingly offering his space despite always being treated harshly was pleasing yet frustrating. Who else has he been like this with? Has that Woo guy or whoever been here?

Eating the ramen Kim Jeonghyun served, I thought I’d done well to come here. The ramen he cooked was always delicious. Way better than the shitty hamburger he bought me.

When I teased about staying over, Kim Jeonghyun predictably showed discomfort. Expected, but his reluctance sparked my stubbornness. While I was dying to avoid going on Father’s business trip, Kim Jeonghyun, with his usual proper face, droned on about how I had to go with Father tomorrow.

I didn’t study my ass off for weeks, barely seeing his face, to hear this crap. When I told him my rough exam results, his blank face suddenly lit up.

“Really?”

Seeing his genuinely happy, beaming face, my stomach ached. When I stuck out my head for praise, he unhesitatingly stroked it with his small hand. It was the first time Kim Jeonghyun touched my head so freely.

In that moment, a surging heat pooled below. I’d admitted I was fucked several times, but I had to admit it again. I thought I was turned on by Kim Jeonghyun’s crying face. I’d jerked off to that face multiple times.

But now.

Kim Jeonghyun was smiling, genuinely happy for my exam results as if they were his own.

That pure, tender smile was the tipping point that exploded the massive lump boiling in my chest. Kim Jeonghyun was finally pushing me completely beyond my control.

Before I could name this unfamiliar emotion, it boiled over completely. Trying to hide it was futile against its explosive force. I instinctively felt Kim Jeonghyun might run if he saw my heat.

So, pinning him down, I embraced him. Better he melt into my heat than escape. My lips soon moved toward him. Slowly pressing my lips across his face, I wanted to mark him in a way that wouldn’t fade.

Because it was the first time. Wanting to melt someone completely into my heat and absorb them was the first time.

“I… I don’t want to do this with a minor, ugh, please…”

But Kim Jeonghyun pushed me away and said that.

It felt indescribably shitty. Because of our teacher-student relationship? That was done as of today anyway. Scared of intimacy? I was confident I could be gentle until his body melted, making him moan in pleasure.

But he cited my age. He couldn’t do it with a kid like me.

His maddeningly moral answer made me angry, hollow, yet oddly understandable. Yeah, fuck, that’s Kim Jeonghyun. From our first meeting, he tried to act dignified as a teacher despite trembling in fear. The old-fashioned guy who looked at me smoking with pitying eyes and tried to stop me.

Still, I couldn’t help the rising anger and impatience. When I grabbed his hair, he looked up at me with that expression that drove people crazy. Seeing that face, minor or not, I wanted to tear off everything he was wearing and enter him right then. I wanted to ravage and thrust into him recklessly.

But I slowly got off Kim Jeonghyun. The swollen flesh grazed his thigh. To suppress the rising desire, I bit the inside of my mouth hard. Hot liquid burst and flowed down my throat.

As I calmed my heat, Kim Jeonghyun asked in a trembling voice, his face wet with tears.

“…Are you leaving?”

I really wanted to kill him. Suppressing the explosive emotions, I drove a nail into Kim Jeonghyun.

“If I’m not a minor, it’ll be fine, right? Promise me. Next year, you’ll accept me.”

It was less a question to him and more to restrain myself. Otherwise, I felt I couldn’t overcome the emotions I’d suppressed for months.

I’d never lived holding back. There was no need. I was used to controlling situations and treating people however I wanted. That was normal.

But treating Kim Jeonghyun like that now felt like it would shatter him with a crunch before I could do anything. I wasn’t stupid enough to ruin something I’d worked for over a moment’s temptation.

Even if it was forced, I didn’t care. I pressed a command to stay put onto his forehead, barely containing the wild impulse. With sticky steps, I left his house.

The snow had grown heavier. As I walked out of his place, I kept spitting the hot saliva pooling in my mouth. Red blood splattered vividly on the white snow. But the thick snowflakes quickly covered it.

Under the streetlight, where I’d stood earlier, snow had piled up softly. The marks I’d kicked while waiting for Kim Jeonghyun had faded. The traces I’d left to mark my territory were now unrecognizable.

Come to think of it, Kim Jeonghyun was like snow. No matter how much I spat or kicked, he kept covering my territory in white.

📖

The business trip with Father was, as expected, boring as hell. If it was a new country I’d never been to, I might’ve done some sightseeing, but it was the damn U.S. of all places. A bit far from where I’d lived, but the country itself felt like an exile to me.

I had almost nothing to do. I just followed Father around, smiling mechanically and greeting people when he showed me off. When he discussed important business with partners, I went to a nearby restaurant or sat blankly in a café, killing time. I attended parties or gatherings with him occasionally, then returned to the hotel. It was the same routine every day. On days without a schedule, I went trekking or fishing with Father.

I knew. There was hardly anything to teach a kid like me who knew nothing about business by dragging me along. It was just Father’s way of showing affection.

Taking me on such trips was his way of saying he loved me and planned to pass his position to me. I also sensed some guilt for leaving me alone in the U.S. for two and a half years.

“We don’t get to spend time like this often. Though I know it’s boring for you.”

“…”

I couldn’t even muster a polite denial. This was fucking torture for a kid fresh off the college entrance exam.

Finally escaping the schedule, I returned to the hotel alone. I roughly yanked off my tie and threw it on the bed. Shedding the stifling jacket, I flopped onto the bed. With a thud, as the bed sank slowly, I stared at the floating dust, lost in thought.

I miss Kim Jeonghyun.

That was the thought that came to me every single day, even in the U.S. Thinking I must be crazy, my hand was already dialing his number. The moment the call connected, the corners of my mouth would slowly, subtly, and unfailingly curl upward.

—I’m… sleepy.

His slow, yawning voice was just like a turtle’s. Man, he’s really weak to sleep. I didn’t need to see him to picture that blank, drowsy face in my mind.

Does Kim Jeonghyun know? How much his usually docile, almost foolish-looking face changes when he’s tutoring me. How sharp his serious gaze becomes. Every time he opens his neat mouth to explain principles in a calm voice, how often I’ve imagined shoving myself into that mouth.

Ah, fuck. Holding the phone in one hand, I tugged my pants down a bit. I gripped the hot, swollen flesh in my hand. Slowly moving it up and down, feeling its heavy texture, I said lazily, “You really sleep a lot, you know.”

Oblivious to what I was doing with him as my fantasy, the defenseless and clueless Kim Jeonghyun kept whining about being sleepy. His voice grew more sluggish, responding halfheartedly, until he finally asked if I didn’t have to go somewhere and hung up.

I tossed the disconnected phone aside carelessly and put more force into my hand. Staring blankly at the ceiling, I muttered curses under my breath. Hot liquid spurted out uncontrollably.

“Fucking… cold-hearted.”

I mumbled while washing my soiled hand. My unusually rough voice grated on my nerves.

With a thud, I flopped onto the bed, staring at the empty ceiling. Kim Jeonghyun’s face, leaning slightly as he scribbled over problems with a pen, explaining things to me, lingered persistently in my vision even after I’d finished.

📖

Kim Jeonghyun’s responses grew increasingly half-hearted.

He said he’d picked up a few tutoring gigs, and he seemed genuinely busy. I asked about his whereabouts a few times through the watcher, but the guy I’d employed for so long only replied in a calm voice that nothing was up.

In this mind-numbingly boring life, Kim Jeonghyun’s absence honestly pissed me off. I got snappy with him a few times, but no matter how much I lashed out, it was pointless against someone who worked from morning till evening.

I considered chasing after him, but the memory of him brushing me off like a kid cooled that impulse. I figured it was better to endure a bit longer than to look like a whining child throwing a tantrum. I was set to return in early January, so about three weeks remained.

But as December passed its halfway mark, I started feeling something was off. Not only had his messages dried up, but their content was the issue. When I asked what he was doing or where he was, Kim Jeonghyun would only reply, [Just woke up.] or [Back from tutoring.] Even when I called, two out of three times, there was no answer.

As the days went by, Kim Jeonghyun acted worse. The thread I’d barely held onto finally snapped. I let go of the reins I’d been painstakingly pulling, and like a madman, I dialed his number repeatedly.

But the calls never connected. After a few days, the sound that pierced my ears was unbelievably infuriating.

[The number you have dialed does not exist. Please check again…]

A hot breath caught in my throat.

My blood seemed to turn black. An untraceable rage engulfed my body. More than betrayal, a sharp instinct stabbed into my spine, choking my reason. My heightened senses left no room for doubt or question.

Kim Jeonghyun had run away from me.

There was no time to hesitate. I left a message for my absent father, informing him of my departure, and rushed to the airport to book the earliest ticket to Korea. I tried contacting Woo Jiwon and Mother, but as if they’d planned it, neither answered.

As soon as I arrived in Korea, I went straight to Kim Jeonghyun’s house. But the gate was firmly locked and wouldn’t open. Next, I visited the hospital where Kim Jeonghyun’s mother was admitted, but the only response was that the patient had been transferred. When I asked to which hospital, they said they couldn’t disclose personal information.

The next house I went to was empty. When I asked the housemaid, she said Woo Jiwon had gone abroad with Mother not long ago. Woo Jiwon’s phone was still unreachable. Even the watcher I’d hired and the driver I used exclusively were out of contact.

No matter how I looked at it, all the evidence pointed to one disgusting conclusion: Kim Jeonghyun had fled from me, and Woo Jiwon had helped him.

Fuck, that sly bastard…

I’d wanted to tear him apart for more than a day or two, but I’d lived restraining myself from slaughter under the same roof for the sake of “family.” But now, thoroughly screwed over by Woo Jiwon, I was certain it was time to toss the flimsy “brother” label into the trash.

I hired people first. Normally, it would’ve been tedious and time-consuming, but money made things quick. One person to drive and handle miscellaneous tasks, and a few to track down Kim Jeonghyun. But I couldn’t just sit and wait, relying on them. The damn anxiety was unbearable.

My heart had never raced this fast. I wanted to rip out the disgustingly pounding organ and throw it away. Yet the blackened, rotten blood seemed to pool around my heart, refusing to circulate. In this indescribably filthy mood, time crawled by day by day.

I didn’t think Woo Jiwon was stupid enough to write down where he’d hidden Kim Jeonghyun or his new number in a diary for me to find, but I still searched his room like a bloodhound. It was nearly reduced to rubble, but I found nothing.

“Jihyuk, you haven’t eaten in days…”

A worried voice hesitated outside the half-open door. Turning slowly, I met the eyes of the housemaid, who flinched and stepped back as if she’d seen a murderer. Her reaction gave me a rough idea of how I must look.

I hadn’t eaten in days because I wasn’t hungry, and I’d jolt awake in the dark, unable to stay asleep. Unconsciousness lasted only a moment. Sleep couldn’t last more than a few minutes on my razor-sharp nerves.

All I’d done while waiting for updates from the people I’d hired was take cold showers and rummage through the house. No wonder she thought I looked like a madman.

At that moment, my gaze fixed on the pile of packages she was holding.

“…What’s that?”

My hoarse voice came out. Startled, the housemaid stammered, “Oh, this, this? It’s… gifts for Jiwon. He got into college, you know. People have been sending so many gifts… too many, so we were told to stack them for now.”

“That’s all?”

“No, there’s more downstairs. So many came, we stacked them in the corner of the reception room to unpack later. But why…”

A name flashed through my mind. Striding toward her, she instinctively stepped back a couple of paces.

Ignoring her, I snatched the gift boxes and threw them to the floor, frantically checking the wrapping. The three or four boxes she held had no information I needed.

Hurrying to the first-floor reception room, I started inspecting the stacked boxes. Large and small boxes were shoved aside. My hands stopped at one box.

Han Taejun.

The name and number I was looking for. The bastard who took Kim Jeonghyun from me.

I immediately called the number on the box. It was easier than expected to use a polite, fabricated voice, mentioning I was Woo Jiwon’s brother, to ask for Kim Jeonghyun’s new number.

I said I’d lost my phone while traveling abroad, along with the teacher’s number and address. That Woo Jiwon was also traveling and unreachable. That I wanted to send a housewarming gift without the teacher knowing, and if he knew the address, could he share it?

He readily gave me Kim Jeonghyun’s number and address. Idiot. Before even hanging up, I was already rushing out of the house.

It was the last day of the year. Snow was falling white again, just like the day I waited for Kim Jeonghyun outside his house.

📖

Standing in front of the house he’d given me, I stared at the door. This was supposedly where Kim Jeonghyun had moved to escape me. Glaring at the tightly shut door, I took a deep breath.

What expression would Kim Jeonghyun make when he saw me?

Even in that moment, such a ridiculous question crossed my mind.

A team capable of breaking down the door was waiting below. Before calling them, I tried Kim Jeonghyun’s birthday. 0823. A mechanical sound signaled it was wrong.

Then there was only one answer left. That bastard Woo Jiwon had always acted like his birthday was some grand event, demanding the stars from the sky. Not even some sacred anniversary, damn it. I entered 1231, and the door slid open. No need to call anyone.

A laugh escaped me at the sight through the opened door.

Candles lined up in two rows, flickering romantically. Whispers from a romantic movie playing. Food set on the table. Two wine glasses. And Kim Jeonghyun, in disheveled clothes, giving me a shitty look.

“How did you… get here!”

I was the perfect uninvited guest. That was the first expression Kim Jeonghyun showed me. Seeing that face, the emotions that had surged while rushing here froze instantly, sinking lower and lower.

‘I… I don’t want to do this with a minor.’

‘If I’m not a minor, it’ll be fine, right?’

What a joke, fuck.

I’d backed off willingly, believing his tearful pleas. Even with my dick painfully hard, I didn’t touch him and walked home through the snow.

Even when he didn’t answer my calls in the U.S., leaving me no way to reach him. That damn “minor” comment clung to me, making me hold back despite how out of character it was. Unaware that he and my brother were spectacularly stabbing me in the back.

The rotten blood pooled in my heart hardened. The exhilaration that made me want to explode and run to the end with him was gone. Kim Jeonghyun, who’d once set me ablaze, now only plunged me into an endlessly cold abyss.

He was no longer the white snow that silently covered me when I reached out. He was just the gray rainwater I’d watched, trapped in a room during my childhood’s endless time. Raindrops mocking my helpless younger self, tapping the window as I sat powerless.

My already soaked body was beyond saving. But I’d make him regret his bad luck for drenching me.

Woo Jiwon came first, but I knew killing him would only ruin my life. Even maiming him would be a hassle. I had no intention of throwing my life into the trash for filthy bastards who’d made a fool of me.

But he’d need to be bedridden for a few years. While I stripped Kim Jeonghyun’s soul bare, I wanted Woo Jiwon to lie there helplessly, unable to do anything. Just like I’d felt, consumed by that shitty powerlessness every night. I’d ruin him just enough.

The sound of screams and flesh crushing under the swung golf club was pleasant. Watching Woo Jiwon’s face and body get mangled sent a satisfying thrill up my spine. I’d wanted to see this face my whole life.

The only shitty thing was Kim Jeonghyun’s face, twisted in agony and shock every time I hit Woo Jiwon.

“Please, please. Stop. Please. For my sake, please.”

He begged desperately, in a way he’d never shown before. But the fact that he was crying and clinging to my legs for Woo Jiwon was the biggest mistake. His pleading only fueled my motivation, not the outcome he wanted.

Only after breaking Woo Jiwon’s limbs evenly and knocking him out did my mind clear a bit. Now it was purely time with Kim Jeonghyun, who’d coldly drenched me.

Since he was no longer the soft, melting snow I could reach out to, I put him in the trunk. From now on, he was nothing more or less to me than a hole.

📖

Completely terrified, Kim Jeonghyun kept crying. I grabbed his trembling hair and forced myself into him.

His shaking fingers couldn’t even properly undo his pants. I almost snorted at the pathetic act. Slapping him hard broke the thin barrier between us. Looking down at the wreckage of destroyed emotions was, surprisingly, not a big deal.

Every time he showed the slightest hesitation, I slapped him. The struck skin quickly burst, blood beading red. The mouth that kept pushing me away with endless hesitations finally opened, and with a tear-streaked face, he took me in.

Fuck… The moment I entered, curses swirled in my mouth. It wasn’t my first time fucking a mouth, but my lower abdomen felt like it was melting entirely.

But Kim Jeonghyun started coughing like he was dying the moment I entered. His flushed face acted like he couldn’t handle it. Whether it was cunning or naive, his acting was hard to gauge. But the image of him about to hook up with Woo Jiwon earlier made this act instantly repulsive. Laughable and disgusting.

I had no intention of watching his pathetic performance to the end. Pushing into his mouth myself, I felt a pleasure incomparable to beating Woo Jiwon. Every time I thrust and scraped the tender mucous membranes, his eyelashes trembled. Seeing him spill every kind of fluid from his face in agony because of me was quite a sight.

He’d said he’d accept me next year. Nodded when I asked if he’d wait. Cooked me ramen, bought me a hamburger, stroked my head. Said he’d be happy to see me as his junior. And yet.

The face that always tried to act dignified as a teacher in front of me was now utterly ruined. Naked and vulgar, completely gripped by fear, he clumsily followed my orders. That sight was disgusting enough to want to kill and insanely arousing.

I took in every detail. Every spot my gaze landed on flushed with shame and trembled. Stripped bare, his body was even thinner than expected. His bones weren’t delicate, but the lack of flesh made it seem so.

Flat chest. Slender waist. Yet a somewhat charmingly plump butt—these were definitely different from the voluptuous, soft bodies I’d touched before. Despite that, the heat pooling in my lower body wouldn’t subside. It was separate from the cold-boiling hatred.

I’d wanted to touch this body so badly. I couldn’t count the times I’d wanted to strip him. Kim Jeonghyun had become something of no small value to me, so I’d thought if the moment came to touch his bare skin, I’d do it gently, leaving only good memories. But now, those thoughts were less useful than roadside trash.

Kim Jeonghyun writhed under humiliating words. Vividly showing his shame, he opened himself as I ordered and desperately sucked the fingers I offered. Watching him move frantically for survival, I applied even more sadistic force. Finally, Kim Jeonghyun passed out.

Maybe it was because I didn’t ease him into it. It was my first time with a guy, so I wouldn’t know. Looking at his limp body, my gaze inevitably fixed on one spot. The lips I’d so badly wanted to suck were vulgarly tempting, stained with blood.

What’s this about?

Repeating my earlier words, I lowered my head. A short kiss brought the metallic taste of blood. I plunged my tongue deep into his closed mouth. Digging persistently as if to reach his throat, my tongue licked up all the pooled blood.

A sticky sound came with each slimy taste sliding down my throat. Even biting his lips hard didn’t bring Kim Jeonghyun back to consciousness. Blood kept flowing from his burst lips. I licked and sucked his blood-soaked lips again. It was absurd to be licking someone’s blood like a dog, but since I caused it, it didn’t taste bad.

Pulling my lips away, I slowly scanned Kim Jeonghyun’s form. One side of his face, swollen grotesquely from my hits, burst lips, and dried blood on his neck. Below, his pale chest bore purple bruises.

Fuck, what a taste.

It was like facing an unwanted truth about what he’d done with Woo Jiwon. Must’ve been some wild shit. A snort escaped me. Feeling suddenly thrown into the mud, I spat on his bruised chest.

I had no intention of letting him rest. He’d made me spend sleepless nights for days, so I planned to plunge him into worse nightmares.

I slowly pulled out the dick I’d thrust deep inside and slammed it back in. His trembling eyelids struggled to open. Meeting his unfocused pupils, I thrust hard again—bam, bam, bam—as if punishing him. Tears burst from the corners of Kim Jeonghyun’s eyes, which had just dried.