NANOM Ch 40

“Teacher…. Jeonghyun…. Haa.”

A dry sigh escaped from between his cupped palms. Even after calling my name, Jihyuk could not seem to continue his words. His eyes, which looked extremely angry, glinted sharply in the darkness. His gaze, which had turned to a distant place and then returned, was angry not at anyone else but at himself.

“It is not… like that. Jeonghyun, you, to me….”

His words could not continue. As I received Jihyuk’s kiss, which rushed in and pressed against my lips fiercely, I was so out of breath I was panting, but I could not push him away. The emotion contained in the violent kiss was deep and vivid. His clumsy apology was, paradoxically, calming my anxiety.

Jihyuk gently laid me on the bed, and while kissing me as if he would devour me, he touched my body slowly, without any sign of hurry. The movement of his tongue, rummaging inside my mouth, was strong and rough, but the large hand that touched my body was endlessly gentle and delicate. My chest, revealed under the rolled-up t-shirt, my side, and the line leading down to my buttocks. Electricity flowed wherever Jihyuk’s hand touched.

“Ha, eut… ah….”

The kiss that felt like it would devour me was, at some point, changing its texture. Our touching flesh rubbed slowly and delicately. As if stroking my own tongue, Jihyuk slowly mixed our tongues. Finally, when he pulled his lips away, a sticky string of saliva stretched out and then broke.

Jihyuk’s gaze as he looked at me quietly in that state was complex and deep.

“Teacher. …You are not a whore.”

His large hand immediately came up to cup my cheek warmly.

“Do you know? No matter how much of a bastard I acted, how much of a fucker I was, you never thought of running away until the end.”

“……”

“You are so frustratingly kind, and sometimes foolish… but even so, you are the strongest person I know.”

Jihyuk’s tone, as he looked into my eyes and spoke clearly, was firm. I held my breath and just listened. I had never heard this kind of talk from Jihyuk before. The playfulness was completely gone from the eyes of Jihyuk, who had always just joked around with a sly grin. He was clearly trying to convey his true feelings to me right now.

“And, I think I have gone crazy because I like that side of you, Teacher.”

“……”

“Just looking at your face, Teacher, makes it hurt here. …Do you know?”

The small hand held by Jihyuk was soon placed on his thick chest. Thump, thump, the heartbeat was so strong that my fingers instinctively curled. The strong vibration was transmitted directly to my palm. It felt as if the pounding heart would soon break through his skin and come out.

“This much. I like you this much.”

Jihyuk, holding my wrist, confessed his feelings in a low voice.

“So…. That son of a bitch’s words, forget them.”

After finishing his words, Jihyuk slowly reached out his arms and hugged me. So tight it was breathtaking.

“…From now on, I will make it so you do not even remember those kinds of words.”

Jihyuk held me like that for a long while. The carnal desire that had been boiling just a moment ago had also been put to rest. Held tightly in his broad embrace, I silently listened to the sound of his heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump…. The still-beating pulse was scattering its vibrations to me with all its might. As if trying to convey with its whole being that what Jihyuk had just said was sincere.

My heart was put at ease. As if a blocked dam had burst, the things that had been pent up burst out endlessly. The worries and anxieties that I had kept tightly hidden inside, concealed from Jihyuk, thus flowed away and disappeared before my eyes. Watching that, I realized that the things I had worried and been concerned about while cautiously forming a relationship with Jihyuk had actually occupied a rather large part of me.

I thought I had become quite calm over time. I knew I could not forget everything I had been through, but I thought I had gotten better to some extent. But I now realized. Even though it was a part that Jihyuk had directly destroyed, there was definitely a part that only Jihyuk’s words could restore. It was I who had pulled myself up from where I had collapsed at Jihyuk’s feet, but it was through the confession I heard in Jihyuk’s voice that I finally gained the strength to form a relationship with Jihyuk.

There was no longer any reason to hesitate. I wanted to take the large hand Jihyuk had held out and take another step forward. After silently meeting Jihyuk’s gaze for a while, I slowly spread my legs and wrapped them around his waist. My voice came out a little shaky, but I tried to speak calmly.

“…I… want to do it with you. Jihyuk.”

“……”

“I am… okay now, so, with your thing, …do it to me.”

Jihyuk’s eyes widened a little again. As if he had heard something he should not have. Then, soon after, Jihyuk let out a “haha,” and looked down at me as if in disbelief.

“Teacher, you really… drive a person crazy in many ways. Do you know that?”

“……”

“What am I to do if you seduce a guy who is already crazy about you… in this way?”

The touch of the hand that reached out to stroke my face and the gaze that looked down at me from above were both gentle and endlessly dangerous.
“But since I am a bastard with no conscience, I will gladly fall for it?”

Jihyuk, who spoke with a sweet voice, raising the end of his sentence playfully, kissed me again. The act of biting and sucking my lips was persistent, as if he had been starved for kisses. To my neck, to my collarbone. I was so excited myself that I did not have the mind to stop him as he moved from place to place, leaving fierce kiss marks.

His fingers carefully entered from below. Perhaps because he had used his mouth earlier, it felt soft and loosened. Jihyuk’s hard and thick fingers. When they increased to two, it felt a little overwhelming. Splish, he slowly stretches me from the inside.

Jihyuk was someone who knew my body better than anyone, and even after several years, that fact had not changed. He not only rummaged inside to widen me, but he also immediately found the spot he knew I would feel and pressed down on it gently. Every time he did that, my waist and abdominal muscles would instinctively flinch and jump off the bed.

“Ugh, ung. Ji, Jihyuk. Jihyuk….”

“Does it feel good? Teacher.”

Every time, Jihyuk would sweetly kiss my cheek. His persistent gaze was filled with an affection that was impossible not to notice. Smooch, smooch, after kissing me several times, he pulled his fingers out from below. Soon, something hot and blunt touched my hole.

“I’m going in.”

“Uh, uh huh….”

A mixture of anticipation and fear rose precariously. The hot and thick thing, plop, parted the narrow entrance and entered slowly. Even though it had been sufficiently widened with his mouth and fingers, the penis I was receiving after such a long time was still so big and hard that it was difficult to take.

“Ah, hhh, ah…!”

I was panting for breath. My chest was heaving wildly. Jihyuk, who had been muttering a curse as he pushed his penis into me, frowned sharply. Suddenly, the inside of my walls became extremely hot. Drip, I felt a liquid flowing out from between my hole.

“Fuck…. I’m going crazy.”

Jihyuk rubbed his face fiercely with one hand. Only then did I realize that Jihyuk had not ejaculated even once so far. Jihyuk, too, must have been a long time since he had done this.

The moment I was about to say it was okay, his penis bit into me and then slammed in again. I could not help but arch back with my eyes wide open.

“…Ah!”

Thrust, thrust, thrust, every time he thrust his hips mercilessly, the ejaculatory fluid that had pooled inside overflowed. My penis, which had momentarily lost its strength, quickly became erect. My penis, which had swelled even more menacingly than before, slammed in relentlessly, using the semen as lubrication. A wet, sloppy sound was made as his bristly pubic hair rubbed mercilessly against my crotch.

“Ah, ah, Jihyuk, sl, slowly…. Please…!”

“How, can I go slowly. Fuck, Jeonghyun. In this situation, how… could I, hold back. Huh?”

I could see the look in Jihyuk’s eyes had snapped. His loosely half-closed eyes were fierce, as if they would pin me in his gaze without letting me move. He looks down at me, crying and disheveled, without even blinking, and increases the speed of his thrusts. My insides resonated with a dull ache every time his body slammed into me.

My legs were lifted high. My buttocks, which had been on the bed until now, rose up, and my body was folded in half. Jihyuk pressed down on me with his heavy body and put strength into his hips. Thump, the force with which he pounded down was menacing. I screamed in a hoarse voice, but even to my own ears, the moan was excessively drenched in pleasure.

“Please, Jihyuk… ah! Uungh, ah! Ple, ase! Ah! I, I’m going to come, ah!”

The piece of flesh, hot as fire, continuously kneaded my insides, stimulating the spot Jihyuk had pressed earlier. My buttock muscles trembled every time the thick glans scraped and clawed past my inner walls.

Thrust, thrust, every time he pounded down hard, I felt water leaking from the tip of my penis. My lifted ankles dangled helplessly in the air. At some point, I was dribbling a thin stream of fluid from my penis. No matter how much I cried and shook my head from the excessive pleasure, Jihyuk’s thrusts showed no signs of stopping.

The long and thick penis was pulled out in one go and then stabbed fiercely inside. There was no mercy in the thrusts that pulled out and then pounded back in. Thump! With the sound, white stars exploded before my eyes.

In that moment, my vision turned black and then barely returned. From the tip of my penis, which was dangling and shaking with the vibrations, a long and powerful arc was finally bursting forth. I begged, sobbing in a hoarse voice.

“Ah, sob. Stop. Stop… I hate cumming like this, ugh. It’s embarrassing, ah! Stop….”

“Embarrassing… fuck, you are so beautiful it is driving me crazy.”

Jihyuk, who muttered a curse in a low, damp voice, grabbed my left ankle and kissed the inside of my ankle bone. Smooch, after kissing it with a sound, Jihyuk then kissed the sole of my right foot in the same way. His loosely half-closed eyes were still fixed on my face. My toes instinctively curled. Jihyuk, who let out a passion-filled breath, increased the speed of his short, sharp thrusts.

The more I cried and begged, the harder and deeper he pushed in. Jihyuk’s patience, which had been so hesitant and restrained in consideration of me earlier, seemed to have completely evaporated. My head tilted back every time he pounded in short, fast thrusts. I made gasping, crying sounds and tried to push Jihyuk’s chest away with fumbling hands, but his rock-like body would not budge. There was no way to push away the man who was rushing at me as if to swallow my entire existence whole.

“Ah, uungh, hhh, ah…. St, stop…. Stop….”

A gasping sound came from my throat. The pleasure I was experiencing for the first time in so long was relentlessly pushing me. Jihyuk came closer and greedily licked my tear-stained eyes. Licking my eyes like a beast and kissing my forehead and cheeks, Jihyuk seemed to have already lost his reason.

“Stop, hhh, ugh. St… stop….”

“Fuck… I can not stop. Hah…. My dick is going to melt at this rate.”

Jihyuk gritted his teeth and spat out the words. His long fingers habitually grabbed a fistful of my hair and then immediately let go. The heat of his hand as it gently, gently stroked my hair as if to make up for the mistake felt like it would burn me. Jihyuk, who kissed my tear-soaked cheeks a couple of times with a sound, rushed in again and covered my lips. He pushed his tongue through my parted lips in a single breath and licked the inside of my mouth and sucked my tongue as he pleased.

Again, a thin stream of ejaculatory fluid burst from the tip of my penis. Jihyuk held my trembling waist firmly as if I had been electrocuted. He, too, finally stopped his long thrusts and then ejaculated inside me.

“Ah, ah…! Ah!”

“Haa….”

Hot semen gurgled inside me, poured in without mercy. Combined with the semen already inside, it was such a large amount that my stomach felt uncomfortably full. My panting breath, as if I were about to die, and my damp moans mixed together in a mess. Jihyuk’s stomach and my buttocks were both smeared with each other’s semen. The fluffy bedsheets were also soaked and in a mess. Jihyuk carelessly kicked the blanket off and let it fall to the floor, then licked his lips with his tongue.

“Let’s go one more time.”

“What? N-no, I can’t, ah, no…!”

I shook my sweat-drenched face, genuinely steeped in fear, but it was no use. Jihyuk, who smiled sweetly and kissed my lips with a smack, playfully smeared the semen on my wide-open thighs.

“You seduced me first, Teacher. Who told you to be so reckless and tempting when you can’t even handle it?”

“Th-that, that’s, but still…”

“It’s because it feels so good, that’s why. Jeonghyun.”

His touch and his lips, stroking and kissing me, were so sweet they could bring tears to my eyes, but he seemed to have no intention of stopping the act of sliding into me like a snake and slowly beginning to move his hips again. I gave up, closed my eyes, and entrusted my body to Jihyuk. A low laugh quietly spread through the surrounding air.

📖

My hazy consciousness became clear at some point. I snapped my eyes open with the realization that it was morning, but the only muscles I could move at will were my eyelids.

Even when I tried to lift my hand, it fell with a flop. I tried to wiggle my toes, but I instinctively felt that it was close to impossible to lift my legs, lower them off the bed, and get up. It would probably feel like this if you were beaten all over with a wooden club, like in action movies. Following that silly thought was the flow of events from yesterday until now.

Yesterday, Jihyuk came to pick me up when I was drunk. And Jihyuk brought me to this house at my request, and then….

In the end, I fell asleep as if fainting only after seeing the room, which had been steeped in night, turn pale with light. Jihyuk had been frighteningly persistent, as if trying to fill the void of the past few years. When it passed five or six times, I was even scared of him, who rushed at me without getting tired.

However, just as Jihyuk had craved me, my body had also been starved for him. Jihyuk’s body poured into me, overwhelming me, but I did not avoid or refuse it. On the contrary, I clung to him. In the space that had oppressed me so much in the past, I let out breaths of ecstasy and bliss instead of moans of pain or humiliation.

It was similar to washing away the pus and blood that had formed on a wound. Inside the wound, which I thought had healed fairly well, there were definitely still traces of the past that I had not been aware of. But last night, by accepting Jihyuk of my own will, I removed the foreign substances inside the wound myself.

The scar still remained, but Jihyuk’s smile and warmth toward me were like the wind and the sun, so the wound would soon dry and heal.

“…Ugh….”

I squeezed a moan from my parched throat. The side of the bed was empty, but I was not anxious because I heard signs of someone outside. Jihyuk was probably washing up.

No matter how much my body ached, I had to get out of bed first. I gritted my teeth to hold back the screams that almost came out several times and creakily raised my body.

I picked up the clothes strewn on the bed and put them on, and barely managed to stand on my trembling knees. I was about to hobble toward the door when Jihyuk’s desk, situated next to the door, suddenly caught my eye.

‘…Haha.’

I had spent the night in this room so casually yesterday. But despite that, why did my heart feel so bitter just looking at his desk?

The times I had bent over his desk to receive Jihyuk, the times I had struggled with my stiffened mind to grasp the text spinning before my eyes, and the time I had rummaged through the drawer with a desperate gesture to secure travel expenses to Daejeon. One by one, the scenes slowly passed before my eyes.

My chest automatically fluttered and my fingertips grew cold. But I clenched my fists and closed my eyes. I tried to calm my breathing by inhaling and then exhaling.

It is all just the past. The Jihyuk who used to punish me in front of that desk is no longer here. There is only the him from last night, who confessed that he liked me with a face full of desperate longing.

Also, there will be no more instances of me driving myself to a dead end without even realizing it is a cliff. Thinking that, the strength in my clenched fists eased a little.

I slowly opened my eyes. I was trying to avert my gaze from the desk with a deliberately calm expression when something came into view. Although it was in the very corner, it naturally stood out on the desk, which was organized so cleanly it was desolate.

‘…What is this? A plane ticket?’

It was definitely an airplane ticket. With slightly widened eyes, I approached and, without realizing it, looked over the stack of several tickets with just my eyes. I was aware that I should not be looking at someone else’s things without permission, but for a moment, the fear of ‘What if Jihyuk leaves somewhere?’ took precedence. Moreover, they were brand new, not even checked-in tickets.

However, the tickets I checked while forcing down my anxious heart were all past their dates. My eyes widened on their own. They were clearly unused tickets, so why were they past dates?

‘This is….’

My fingers trembled slightly. As if possessed, I reached out and fanned out the stacked tickets. Surprisingly, none of the tickets showed any signs of use. And, looking at the row of plane tickets, this time I could not help but hold my breath for a different reason.

They were all tickets from the United States to Korea. The departure points sometimes changed slightly to New York or Boston, but the destination was the same for all several tickets. It was Incheon.

My trembling gaze, which had been wandering aimlessly, now stopped at the numbers lined up in a regular pattern. The boarding dates written on the plane tickets were all during the period when Jihyuk had been away from me. He had said he was in the United States during that time. My closed lips parted and trembled.

While I resented Jihyuk, tried to forget the time I was oppressed, and at the same time waited for the day we would meet again, Jihyuk was….

“……”

At that moment, the door opened a crack, and my eyes met with Jihyuk, who revealed himself through the opening. His hair was slightly wet, as he had, as expected, just washed up.

Jihyuk looked a little surprised to see me standing in front of the desk, but he did not speak first. I, who had been standing there blankly, barely managed to open my mouth and ask him.

“…What… is this? Jihyuk.”

After a moment of silence, Jihyuk made a humming sound.

“It’s something I take out and look at whenever I’m about to act like a bastard to you, Teacher, without even realizing it.”

“……”

“It is just, like a resolve. Because I do not want to lose you, Teacher, anymore.”

Jihyuk’s smile as he said that looked somewhat dry. I narrowed my brows at his words, which I could not understand at once, and Jihyuk added.

“Because I missed you, Teacher.”

“……”

“I really felt like I was going to die if I didn’t see you right away, so I tried to come to Korea several times. But….”

Jihyuk’s face contorted slightly, as if tracing past pain.

“…If I did that, I felt like I would go looking for you, Teacher, right away like a madman.”

“……”

“The hospital, or your home, Teacher. I felt like I wouldn’t be satisfied with just seeing you from a distance, so I was afraid I would pounce on you….”

He licked his lips with an impatient tongue.

“Then it would all become meaningless, right? Because you were broken because of me. I turned away to let you recover, but if I appeared before your eyes… while you are struggling to get back up, I was afraid you would collapse again.”

Right after Jihyuk left, I had resented him so much while spending countless sleepless and nightmarish nights. And only when I was reunited with Jihyuk on that snowy day did I finally realize. The real reason he had been away.

However, understanding and processing emotions were different things. The resentment that had piled up and aged towards him could not be washed away as if by magic just by hearing Jihyuk’s explanation that day. It was not the kind of emotion that could be.

I, even after he returned, was instinctively drawn to Jihyuk while simultaneously resenting him. It was just that, like a balance scale that had slowly begun to tip, the weight gradually shifted toward affection, and the resentment side became lighter. Little by little, so much so that even I did not notice.

The cake he made for me with clumsy skills on my birthday, his attitude of always looking out for me and being anxious to do the best for me, his action of rushing over immediately upon hearing I was drunk even though we had fought, and his attitude of suppressing his original nature with all his might in order to be with me. What had been silently adding weight in the direction of affection was Jihyuk’s unwavering tenderness. The feelings he poured out towards me, tirelessly, persistently, and tenaciously.

And the moment I saw the tickets on the desk, the balance scale finally tilted to one side with a bang!

The balance scale, which had completely tilted to one side, could no longer function properly. The fact that Jihyuk had not been comfortable during the time I was suffering was, paradoxically, comforting me.

It was not simply that I was comforted by the fact that he had suffered from his conflict. If I had really only thought of Jihyuk as a means to gain benefits, I would not have taken the fact that Jihyuk had left at that time so painfully. After all, even while he was away, the financial support had continued to come in without interruption.

But the reason I was in pain was the fact that I resented Jihyuk, who had pushed me into hell, to death, while at the same time missing him with a chilling ache. They were days of self-blame and self-loathing. It was a suffering I would not have experienced in the first place if I had not had feelings for Jihyuk.

The airplane tickets on the desk were telling me. That during the days I missed him so much, Jihyuk had too. That he had booked tickets several times wanting to run to me, yet could not easily take a step and had turned back countless times. Imagining Jihyuk’s back as he must have done so, my heart ached with a stinging sensation.

“Anyway.”

Jihyuk smiled brightly. His smile was telling me. That the painful times of the past were all gone now. That even if resentment wells up from within from time to time and traces of the past pop up unexpectedly while living in the present, we will eventually solve it together.

“Let’s go out and eat breakfast. I wanted to make it for you… but I thought you, Teacher, would be uncomfortable here.”

“No. …I’m okay. Will you… make me breakfast?”

I quickly opened my mouth to Jihyuk, who was about to lead me out of the room. I really wanted to tell Jihyuk. That this place, can no longer crush me. That the balance scale has collapsed, and that you and I have collapsed it together.

Jihyuk slowly turned around. Perhaps he had read the light sense of elation in my tone, because he also grinned. His generous mouth stretched into a refreshing smile. I opened my mouth again to Jihyuk, who replied, “I’ll make you anything.” To add the important words I had wanted to say for the past few days.

“And, Jihyuk.”

“Yes.”

“You’re not just a junior I know… anymore.”

For a moment, Jihyuk’s mouth froze with a smile still on it. After a short silence, Jihyuk smiled again. It was Jihyuk’s characteristic mischievous, boyish, and innocent smile.

“Then, what am I?”

“……”

Feeling a little shy belatedly, my mouth automatically closed, but Jihyuk, whose eyes were already glinting with a curious glint, did not seem to be leaving the room until I answered. I was the one who brought it up first anyway. I had to finish it.

“Someone… I like….”

“What was that?”

Hesitantly, my voice trailed off and was miserably cut short. But I soon took another breath in and put strength into my core. It was my first time conveying my feelings to Jihyuk. I wanted to say it clearly.

“…Someone… I like.”

Jihyuk’s mouth stiffened again. This time, the smile that had been on his lips had completely disappeared. He looked at me with an expression that was ultimately hard to read, and I even felt anxious that something was wrong with my confession.

But soon, his whole face bloomed with a smile. It was a very beautiful smile, his eyes crinkling up as he smiled. At the same time, my body was lifted up in a flash.

“Jeonghyun. Where did you learn such… seductive words?”

“Ah, Ji, Jihyuk, let, let me go…!”

“Hah, fuck…. I am canceling my plan to make breakfast today. I am sorry, but let’s postpone it to lunch.”

Thud, my body was buried in the bed again. Jihyuk, who had laid me down on the bed with a somewhat hasty gesture, thrust his hands into my clothes. I pounded Jihyuk’s neck and shoulders with my fists as he buried his face in my chest, exuding a fresh scent. I even shouted at him to please stop now, that we had done it all night yesterday, but Jihyuk acted as if he could not hear me.

Smooch, smooch, the embarrassing sound that had echoed throughout the night fills the room again. The room, which had been dark, was now completely bright. So bright that the time when we could not find each other in the darkness was no longer visible.