NANOM Ch 7

I showered until I was squeaky clean and wiped my entire body with a slightly damp towel. When I opened the closet, sure enough, only the short-sleeved t-shirts and jeans I usually wore for comfort caught my eye. They were clothes I had worn just fine all this time, but I don’t know why they looked so shabby today of all days.

After hesitating for a moment, I just pulled one out and put it on. It’s not like I was going to do anything special with that kid, so there was probably no need to worry about my clothes. And anyway, even if I did care about my appearance, I didn’t own any fancy clothes to begin with. I figured a clean an appearance as possible would be enough.

‘Who said we were doing anything else? Let’s just get something to eat.’

The day Jihyuk had unhesitatingly dug up my secret. His voice, spoken as if annoyed at my inability to answer readily, was still echoing in my ears. In reality, it was a command disguised as a suggestion. There was no way I could have refused in that situation.

For that reason, here I was now, on a Saturday morning, nervously picking out clothes and getting ready for this absolutely ridiculous outing. I couldn’t help but be conscious of it. It was just a meal with my tutoring student, but I was so nervous my throat felt parched.

Until now, all my encounters with Jihyuk had been at that enormous, perfect mansion that felt like a kingdom. I couldn’t quite imagine what Jihyuk would be like outside, how he would act. It was just my prediction, but I felt a little relieved by the thought that, at least outside his own house, Jihyuk probably wouldn’t be able to act as insolent as he usually did. At least he wouldn’t beat me.

I fiddled with my clothes for no reason, killing time, but it seemed I really couldn’t delay any longer. I stood blankly in front of the mirror under the reddish light of the old incandescent bulb in the bathroom, then dragged my feet as I came out.

The whole room had a musty smell. Of all days for it to rain. On rainy days, the humidity skyrockets, and the smell of mold is maximized. I was worried that the clothes I had taken out, which I thought were washed quite cleanly, might smell of mold. I brought my nose to them and sniffed, sniff, but thankfully, there was no noticeable smell.

I really don’t want to go.

Pitter-patter. Listening to the faintly audible sound of the rain, I genuinely thought so. I sighed and grabbed the doorknob. How wonderful it would be if I could just lie in my room, listening to this distant sound of rain. But the sound of the rain, which would instantly grow louder in my ears the moment I opened the door, would cruelly awaken me to the reality that I had to go see Jihyuk.

However, as I crossed the narrow yard, just a few steps wide, and opened the gate, what I saw was a black sedan. The car, parked so tightly in the narrow alley that it felt suffocating, was the same one that had dropped me off after tutoring every time. Greatly surprised, I stood there with my mouth agape, holding my umbrella.

The driver, whose eyes met mine, got out of the driver’s seat and bowed his head politely.

“The young master asked me to bring you.”

“No, I mean…”

“It’s raining, please get in quickly.”

The content of his words, spoken in a subtly intimidating tone, was the same as last time. For now, I got into the car with a bewildered expression.

The only contact Jihyuk had made with me yesterday was a short text message telling me to come out of my house at 12 o’clock. To my reply, ‘So where should I go?’, the message that came back was just a blunt and endlessly uninformative reply, ‘Just come out first.’ So this is what that meant.

This car, which had chauffeured me home a few times on Jihyuk’s orders, now felt a little more familiar. As the car began to move smoothly, I stared blankly out the window.

Watching the raindrops hit the window and pass by, I had the silly thought that a car really is comfortable. I shouldn’t get used to this kind of comfort. Even as I thought that, I also thought that since I was only out because Jihyuk told me to, maybe it was okay to just squeeze my eyes shut and enjoy this much.

“…Excuse me, where are we… going.”

“You will know when we arrive.”

I had gathered some courage to ask, but he was as cold as ever. I pouted a little to myself but didn’t let it show and turned my head back to the window.

It must have been a passing shower. Unlike a few days ago when it poured with the force to wash away the whole world, the rain was thankfully subsiding. Sunlight began to seep through the falling raindrops.

The car, after driving for quite a while, entered the indoor parking lot of a large building without any hesitation. I casually glanced at the luxurious building visible outside the window and my eyes couldn’t help but widen.

The place the car had arrived at was the hotel Jiwon had brought me to before.

‘He’s crazy. Why here of all places…!’

Naturally, a sense of rejection came first. It was just a few days ago that Jihyuk had taken a picture of me here with Jiwon and used it to blackmail me. And now he brought me here again, as if to show it off? I had no idea what Jihyuk was thinking.

While I was panicking, the driver got out of the car and handed it over to an employee for valet parking. Not wanting to get into a nasty situation by dawdling here like a fool, I got out of the car as quickly as possible. And I began to walk, almost running, in the opposite direction of the building entrance.

“Where are you going?!”

I heard the driver’s urgent voice from behind me, but I didn’t care. If I disappeared without a word, Jihyuk would surely contact me, but getting out of this place was the priority.

We can meet somewhere else. Why does it have to be… have to be a hotel. Didn’t he definitely say we were just getting a meal? Then why did he tell me to come to a place like this? Was I fooled like an idiot again?

Various thoughts tangled together in my head. My feet, which had been moving rapidly forward, were on the verge of kicking off the ground. Just as I was about to escape the hotel parking lot as if fleeing, my wrist was seized from behind. Grip. At the sudden, overwhelming pulling force, a scream burst out of me involuntarily.

“Ack!”

“Where are you going.”

A familiar, forceful grip pulled my body toward him. Along with that cool scent, it felt like I could now recognize his presence by his sheer physical strength alone.

When I lifted my head, I saw the face of Jihyuk, who was holding my wrist. He had a somewhat discomposed expression, as if he found the situation absurd. However, the reason I was so startled at that moment wasn’t because I was caught by Jihyuk. It was because of Jihyuk’s somewhat unfamiliar appearance.

Jihyuk, wearing a neat shirt under a jacket and black slacks, didn’t look like a student at all. There was none of the youthful freshness that kids his age reveal no matter how they try to dress up. It wouldn’t have felt out of place at all for him, at his young age, to frequent a place like this. Although I was three years older than Jihyuk, anyone could see that the person who fit in this place was him, not me.

Jihyuk raised an eyebrow and asked.

“Where are you going. Trying to stand me up?”

My heart pounded strangely at his relaxed and playful words. It was a subtly different kind of tension from what I usually felt with Jihyuk, which flustered me, so I purposely clenched my fists.

“Why here of all places? I… I don’t like it here. You said we were just going to eat, you definitely did.”

“We did come to eat, didn’t we?”

Jihyuk tilted his head to one side and gestured toward the building behind him with his eyes.

“…You’re saying… we really came to eat?”

“You don’t believe me? I made a reservation.”

On the phone screen Jihyuk held out, there was indeed a notice that the lunch course here was reserved. Honestly, this felt even more unrealistic. Jihyuk, reserving a course like this to have a meal with me. It was something I couldn’t even imagine.

“What on earth are you thinking? I didn’t see you this way, you’re quite sly.”

I couldn’t give any reply to his light, joking words. Jihyuk naturally began to lead me toward the building.

Letting out a short sigh, I decided to just follow Jihyuk. I had confirmed with my own eyes that he had really reserved a meal, and I didn’t want to get into any trouble outside. He seemed to be in a good mood now, but who knew what he would do if he got upset. I still felt burdened by his hand holding my wrist and tried to twist it free, but as always, Jihyuk didn’t let go.

Jihyuk entered the building and led me into an elevator. He pressed the 27th floor, and with a floating sensation, the elevator shot up quickly. Holding my breath, I watched the ground rapidly receding through the transparent glass wall.

The cars and people dotting the road below grew smaller and smaller. It looked just like ants crawling around. Do all people who have as much as Jihyuk live their lives looking at the world from this perspective? No matter how desperately the people on the dizzying streets below live, whatever purpose they live for. In their eyes, would they all look like mere little ants?

The elevator stopped, and I followed Jihyuk out. A chic and elegant French restaurant came into view. Jihyuk stated his name in a casual voice to the staff member standing at the entrance of the restaurant and was guided inside, his movements as smooth as flowing water.

When did he let go of my hand? Jihyuk was no longer holding my wrist. But I followed him closely from behind as if he were still holding me and leading me. As he entered the private room we were guided to, Jihyuk glanced back and saw me, then smiled slightly.

One wall of the cozily decorated room was made entirely of glass, offering a full view of the outside. The air was clear thanks to the rain that had just passed, so the view was clear enough to see very far away.

As I sat down, guided by the staff, my gaze happened to fall on the glass window, and I froze. In the distance, I could see a familiar building. It was the hospital where my mom was staying.

Why? The moment I saw the hospital building, it felt like tears were about to well up. I myself didn’t know why my eyes were getting so intensely hot.

I just felt a sense of sorrow. The hospital building, which I saw at an unexpected moment, stirred up such emotions, but at the same time, it gave a strong justification for what I was doing right now.

I bit my lip and took a deep breath. In any case, I couldn’t suddenly burst into tears while having a meal with my tutoring student. I tried to focus on the classical music playing softly and forced my gaze away from the window, fixing it on the menu spread out on the table.

“…Teacher.”

“……”

“Is something wrong?”

“Huh? Oh, no, it’s nothing.”

But my scattered concentration just wouldn’t return. Jihyuk, looking at me sitting there like a doll staring blankly at the menu, asked again with a slightly annoyed look.

“What… did you say?”

“I’m asking which one of these you’d like.”

“……”

Jihyuk was asking while looking at the menu in front of me. According to the brief explanation from the staff member who had just left, there was only one lunch course, but it seemed we could choose the main dish. I stared intently at the menu before carefully choosing the chicken breast dish at the very top.

“…I’ll have the one at the top.”

Jihyuk simply twitched an eyebrow without a word. Just in time, a staff member came in, and Jihyuk naturally ordered two of the dish I had chosen. The staff member calmly confirmed the order once more and left the room.

I lifted the water glass, shaped like a large wine glass, and moistened my lips. Only then did it feel like my heart was calming down a little.

Jihyuk’s figure as he sat there naturally came into view. His clean skin, revealed under his neatly styled hair, and his prominent nose created a natural sense of intimidation, as always. However, the line of his neck and his collarbones, which extended below his sharp jawline and were usually exposed, creating a tough and dangerous atmosphere, were now covered by a tidy collar, making him look strangely restrained.

It was a fresh observation, but he had a handsome face. He was a kid anyone would be forced to think so about.

“Teacher.”

“…Huh?”

Jihyuk’s lips quirked up slightly. He was leaning back leisurely in his chair.

“What are you staring at so intently?”

“What… I wasn’t.”

“You were just staring holes into my face. With those gay eyes.”

“Hah… forget it.”

I was so dumbfounded I was about to retort, but in the end, I couldn’t say anything. After all, it was true that I had been staring blankly at Jihyuk’s face. It couldn’t be, but it felt like he had caught me thinking he was handsome, and my throat felt dry for no reason. As I lifted my water glass to wet my lips, feigning nonchalance, Jihyuk chuckled.

Fortunately, a staff member came in just then and placed two small plates on the table.

“We will now serve the amuse-bouche.”

Compared to the large plates, the incredibly small food items were daintily plated. They looked more like crackers than food. Unable to easily reach out, I was just staring at the contents of the plate when Jihyuk gestured with his eyes.

“Go ahead and eat.”

“…Uh, uhm… th…”

After a moment’s hesitation, I finally managed to get the words out.

“…Thank you… for the food.”

It wasn’t a seat I had wanted, so it wasn’t like I felt grateful to Jihyuk or anything, but still. To be honest, I was more grateful that Jihyuk had come to eat a meal quietly as promised without being mean to me, rather than for getting to eat such expensive food for the first time.

“Eat a lot.”

“…Yeah.”

“I finally get to eat with you today, teacher.”

“……”

I fell silent at Jihyuk’s words, which were somewhat spiteful and brought up a not-so-good memory. For a moment, only the small sound of utensils clinking echoed quietly in the room. Honestly, there wasn’t much to eat for long. After exactly three spoonfuls, the large plate was empty.

Right on cue, a staff member came in. The timing was so precise it was as if they had been watching us eat.

“We will now serve the appetizer.”

I blinked, looking at the food served with the kind words. What appeared to be octopus was beautifully wrapped in vegetables and prettily decorated. This too looked like it would be gone in two bites.

Unlike a moment ago when I only needed a spoon, this time it seemed I needed to use a knife. With an awkward hand, I picked up the knife and started cutting the food. I couldn’t help but be conscious of Jihyuk. I was afraid it would be obvious that this was my first time in a place like this.

But contrary to my expectations, Jihyuk didn’t openly mock me as I ate. Rather, he seemed to have little interest in how I ate my food. He just sat in a proper posture, slowly savoring his own portion, and only occasionally asked me if it suited my taste. Each time, I would give an awkward reply like, “Uhm, yeah, it’s delicious.”

Today’s Jihyuk is truly unfamiliar. It’s ridiculous, but this was the most gentlemanly he had ever been to me. Some of his actions even felt affectionate. For instance, things like asking if the food suited my taste, or calling a staff member at the right time when my water glass was empty.

Slowly cutting the chicken breast dish that was served as the main course, I glanced at Jihyuk. Jihyuk, who was still eating slowly with a casual expression, definitely seemed different from that time in the restaurant when he sat in a delinquent-like posture and disturbed my meal with Jiwon.

If he was like a delinquent punk at home all the time, Jihyuk seen outside definitely had the air of a rich family’s young master. For example, things like his neat and stylish clothes, or the way he sat with his back straight and used his utensils properly to eat.

As time slowly passed, a corner of my mind grew increasingly restless. It was good that he came to eat a meal safely without doing anything else. But, what’s next.

Of course, what I wanted was for Jihyuk to let me go quietly as soon as the meal was over. He probably will, right? What else would this kid have to do with me besides eating here? I tried to soothe my ominous, pounding heart, patting myself down.

But despite those efforts, the reason my mind wouldn’t calm down was that Jihyuk always did things that were beyond my expectations.

“…So.”

In the end, unable to bear the anxiety, I opened my mouth.

“…What are you going to do… after the meal is over?”

To be honest, given the location, I couldn’t help but be curious. I hadn’t directly suffered any terrible things here, but it was true that it was a place with bad memories. I asked while trying to hide my nervousness as much as possible, but I was the type who was never good at hiding my emotions. Come to think of it, Madam had told me that too.

Jihyuk’s eyes twinkled. With that usual delinquent and mischievous expression.

“Why?”

“No… just.”

“Is there something you want to do with me here? Or, did you want to do something else instead of eating from the start?”

The moment I was about to wave my hands in frantic denial, Jihyuk asked cheerfully with a faint smile in his eyes. His smooth, teasing tone made my emotions flare up.

“Please stop… saying things like that. It feels bad. You, you said it was dirty too!”

After shouting out of anger, I felt somewhat sorrowful. If you look at it, Jihyuk talks as if I’m someone who’s really into that kind of thing. In reality, I’ve never even had that experience, and I’m not interested.

It’s probably just a narrow-minded and dirty prejudice. The kind that common homophobes have. I tried to ignore it by thinking that, but it was actually difficult to just brush off those repeated jokes. Despite my flushed eyes glaring at him, Jihyuk had an unconcerned expression.

“Woo Jiwon, and you too, teacher. It seems like everyone but me is gay.”

“……”

“Is it that much fun, that thing? So I’m trying to understand it myself.”

His sharp, mocking tone was full of amusement. I gave up on retorting and shut my mouth. Of course, affectionate, my foot… This Jihyuk, who scoffs and taunts and accuses me of being gay, is, in a way, more familiar to me.

For a while, silence descended upon the table. Only the small clatter of utensils could be heard. The chicken breast that, just a moment ago, had gone down my throat smoothly before I even chewed, suddenly felt tough and dry. I put down my fork, drank a glass of water, and asked Jihyuk.

“…What about you. What do you usually do for fun?”

It was a rather impulsive question. And it also carried a certain intention. This kid who enjoys holding others’ weaknesses over them, what on earth does he do in his daily life? What interests him besides tormenting others? For the first time, I became curious.

It was probably the first personal question I had ever asked Jihyuk. Jihyuk, too, seemed a little surprised by my sudden question. But that was only for a moment. Jihyuk answered casually.

“Well… games, or things like basketball or soccer. When I’m bored, I spar too.”

“……”

“Why. Do you think I don’t have any friends to do that stuff with because I have a bad personality?”

With Jihyuk tilting his head and smiling, I could only quietly shut my mouth. I felt like he had hit the nail on the head. Jihyuk playing soccer or basketball, or games, like other boys. I couldn’t imagine it at all.

However, Jihyuk didn’t seem particularly offended even when I couldn’t answer right away. Instead, with a wide grin on his face, he said something that was enough to make me gasp.

“Then, will you play with this poor, friendless me, teacher?”

I stared blankly at Jihyuk with my mouth open, still holding my fork and knife. Play with me? It was surprising enough that he suddenly asked me to have a meal, but now he wants me to play with him. Those words, so unsuited for Jihyuk, spun around in my head.

“…Play with you? Me?”

“Yes. You were looking at me pitifully because I don’t have friends.”

“I did no such… thing. I, I have to go after I finish this.”

In truth, I had nowhere to go, but I immediately shook my head and refused. The way I refused was so desperate that even I felt a little embarrassed about it. But Jihyuk, who was watching me quietly, surprisingly answered readily.

“Alright. Then.”

With a look of lost interest, he went back to his meal. I watched him for a moment before dropping my gaze back to the plate I was eating from.

An uncomfortable silence flowed. I swallowed the food that wouldn’t go down easily with a gulp of water. Jihyuk was eating his meal with an indifferent face, yet I didn’t know why my heart felt so uneasy.

What could a kid who has everything like him be lacking? What’s the big deal about not having a few friends to play with? I know all too well how ridiculous it is to pity him. Who am I to do so? Me, the one who asked Jihyuk this, who doesn’t have a single friend I can meet comfortably except for Taejun hyung or Woojae.

And yet, strangely, a corner of my heart felt uncomfortable. It felt like I was walking along a forest path without a thought and got my foot caught in a small trap.

I let out a sigh and with difficulty, opened my mouth.

“…What do you want to do?”

📖

Unlike when coming to the hotel, I was now riding in the car back with Jihyuk. Moreover, the destination was Jihyuk’s house.

‘Do you want to play at the hotel, or at my house?’

To Jihyuk, who had asked that with a smirk, I could give no other answer than ‘…Your house.’ Jihyuk was a minor, but it didn’t seem like he would lack the means to check in.

Even if it was a joke, now that the meal was over, I didn’t want to stay there. So I hesitantly got into the car Jihyuk had come in. From that point on, I was already regretting my meddlesome suggestion to Jihyuk, but there was nothing I could do.

Jihyuk didn’t say much on the way home. Both of us just kept looking at our phones and then out the window for the entire ride. Despite that, I got the feeling that Jihyuk seemed somehow pleased.

His claim of having no friends was a complete lie. During the entire ride to his house, sitting side by side, Jihyuk’s phone screen would light up white and then dim on its own again. Jihyuk would look down at his phone with an uninterested expression, and for a few of the messages, he moved his long fingers to send a reply.

It seems he has his notifications on silent, how does he answer calls like that. I wondered for a moment, but then I chuckled. I couldn’t really picture him being anxious about calls from others. He would probably only answer when he felt like it, and if necessary, he would be the one to make contact.

Sitting so close next to him, the scent from Jihyuk’s room wafted over just as it was. The concentration of that cool cologne smell mixed with his warm body odor was quite strong. Maybe because Jihyuk’s body was big, his heart was just as big, and every time it pounded, thump, thump, his body odor spread more intensely than others’.

I think I heard it somewhere. That a heart is the size of one’s own fist. I stealthily made a fist. For a man’s hand, mine was unusually small, so my fist was small too.

Without being obvious, I turned my eyes to look at Jihyuk’s hand resting carelessly on his knee. A menacingly large hand and the scar etched upon it. Jihyuk’s heart must be that big too. For some reason, I felt like Jihyuk’s heart would have a scar just like that on it.

Thinking such trivial thoughts, I tore my gaze away from Jihyuk’s hand and turned it to the car window. The car was entering a familiar landscape, slowing down and preparing to stop. It seemed we had arrived sooner than I thought.

While the car was being parked in the garage, we got out first and walked toward the annex. The greenery was quite lush after a heavy rain had passed and cleared up. Water droplets clinging between the blades of grass splattered lightly onto my shoes.

Jihyuk strode ahead, and while he opened the front door with the biometric pad, I stood behind him and waited silently. Despite the light pretext of coming over to play, I was far more nervous than when I came for tutoring.

“Come in.”

“Okay.”

I don’t know why even the house felt so unfamiliar today. Following Jihyuk with reluctant steps, I once again regretted making such a suggestion to him. I must have been crazy. Why on earth did I do that? I feel completely tricked. His friends were contacting him the whole car ride here.

We were about halfway up the stairs. Suddenly, the door to the far-left room flew open with force, and Jiwon burst out.

“Teacher!”

“…Oh, Jiwon?”

I opened my eyes wide at the sudden appearance of his face. Honestly, I hadn’t expected Jiwon to be here. Even if he was home, Jiwon was the type who never came out of his room on Jihyuk’s tutoring days, as if he were dead.

“You…”

His face was terribly contorted. Jiwon, who was glaring at Jihyuk with trembling hands, ran up right in front of me.

Holding my breath, I looked up at Jihyuk’s face, which was grinning from ear to ear. I glanced between the two faces with a bewildered expression. I was completely lost in the middle of this sudden fight between the two brothers.

“Do you really… have to go this far?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jiwon shouted at Jihyuk, who deliberately spoke in a slick manner and shrugged his shoulders.

“Why did you take Teacher there. Why would you!”

“Hey, Woo Jiwon.”

Despite his smile, Jihyuk’s voice calling Jiwon felt chilly.

“Same as ever. In front of a guy, your eyes flip, and you can’t tell front from back.”

“You, those kinds of words…!”

“Jiwon. If you don’t want to die, just stay holed up quietly like you’re dead.”

Jihyuk, who had called his brother’s name mockingly, suddenly spun his body toward me. Then, he familiarly slung an arm around my neck. Both Jiwon’s and my eyes widened simultaneously.

“I’m going to play with Teacher. Right, Teacher?”

“…Huh?”

“You came because you said you’d play with me since I have no friends and I’m bored, right?”

Jihyuk smirked as he asked. The corners of his mouth, stretched long to the side, felt terribly cruel despite being refreshingly handsome. I hesitated for a moment, but the time spent here with the three of us felt like a ticking bomb, so I had no other choice. I reluctantly gave a slight nod.

“…Y-yeah.”

Along with my affirmation, Jiwon’s face crumpled horribly. However, Jihyuk didn’t give him any more room and pulled me closer by tightening his arm around my neck. Almost pressed into Jihyuk’s embrace, I hastily grabbed his arm and tried to pull it off, but Jihyuk playfully tightened his grip, almost like a headlock, and pressed me deeper into his side.

“Let’s go. Teacher.”

“L-let go of this.”

“Jiwon.”

Jihyuk, turning only his head slightly to look back, smirked again.

“I’m going to play hard with Teacher from now on, so you stay holed up in your room and study.”

Leaving those words behind, Jihyuk dragged me to his room. I heard my name and Jihyuk’s being called a couple of times from behind, but Jihyuk didn’t look back. I tried to turn my head to look toward Jiwon, but Jihyuk, with his arm firmly around my neck, didn’t even allow that.

The door slammed shut, bang, and once again, we were alone in a closed space. The overwhelmingly strong, but now familiar, scent of Jihyuk’s body enveloped me from all sides. I stood there, watching Jihyuk as he flopped down onto the bed.

“What are you doing? Sit. We have to sit to play.”

“…You, by any chance… did you bring me here for Jiwon to see? …Is that why you went to the hotel, too?”

That was the conclusion I had reached while being led to the room by Jihyuk’s arm. As soon as Jihyuk and I arrived, Jiwon had rushed out, and his complexion was terrible. Seeing him get angry, saying he took me to ‘a place like that,’ he had the nuance of someone who knew exactly where Jihyuk and I had been.

I was stunned. How on earth could these brothers be so natural about spying on and being spied on?

“Yes. Of course, right?”

His expression, as he raised his eyebrows along with the end of his sentence as if asking me, was so innocent it was absurd. As if asking what the problem was.

“Do you think I would have called you to the hotel to have sex with you, Teacher?”

“You, really, stop with those kinds of words…!”

“When Woo Jiwon heard that I grabbed Teacher’s wrist and went into the hotel, that bastard was probably about to die from irritation, you know?”

Jihyuk, who had sprawled out on the bed, giggled quietly. I was speechless for a moment, seeing him so purely delighted after using someone so casually. I can’t play along with this vulgar prank anymore. The moment I spun around, whoosh, my wrist was seized in an instant.

“Ack!”

“Where are you going. You said you’d play with me.”

“Let go, what is this…!”

Like a trap that tightens the more you struggle, no matter how much I tried to shake off his hand, Jihyuk’s grip only clamped down on my wrist harder. It hurt so much that tears welled up. The moment I tried to push his shoulder with my remaining hand, that hand was also seized. And then, Jihyuk pulled my body violently.

My body was yanked forward by the merciless grip. Thud. With a bouncing recoil, my vision was instantly filled with Jihyuk’s face and body.

The feeling of my back and waist being supported by something soft. And the strong scent of Jihyuk’s body odor rising up.

“Wh… what, what is this….”

I looked up at Jihyuk with a dazed gaze. Both my wrists were firmly trapped in Jihyuk’s hand.

My lips trembled. The pounding of my frantically racing heart was so loud it felt like it would burst out of my ears. The fact that I was now pushed down under Jihyuk, on none other than Jihyuk’s bed, made my mind go blank.

Squeeze. Jihyuk’s hand, holding my wrists, tightened. A scream of “It hurts!” escaped me involuntarily. Jihyuk opened his mouth with a blank expression.

“Teacher. I hate it when people break promises. I also hate it when people say one thing and do another.”

“Why, why are you doing this, for god’s sake…!”

“You said you’d play with me.”

Jihyuk’s face slowly came closer. His nose, so prominent it was suffocating, and his cold-looking eyes seemed like a snake lunging at me. I squeezed my eyes shut.

A low breath and a laugh spread by my ear.

“You were the one who said you’d play with me first, you know.”

A tingling shiver spread from my ear to my lower abdomen in an instant. The unfamiliar sensation sweeping through my body was terrifying, and I started to struggle again with my stiffened legs. At that, Jihyuk’s knee immediately dug into my thigh, forcefully restraining me.

“…Ack!”

Tears welled up on their own. Jihyuk’s knee, pressing down on the vital point in the middle of my thigh, ground into my thigh a couple of times as if enjoying it. Another shrill scream burst from my throat.

“St, op, stop, aaack!”

Jihyuk looked down at me in my agony and raised the corner of his mouth in a smirk.

“Say it again.”

“Please, this, ah, aaah, stop!”

“Say it again, that you’ll play with me.”

My reason went completely blank. I shook my head frantically. I begged with a tearful voice.

“I’ll play, with you, I’ll play with you, so please, please just stop…!”

Simultaneously with my tear-filled plea, Jihyuk’s body pulled away. The hand that had been gripping my wrists went with him. In reality, the only parts of Jihyuk’s body that had touched me were his two hands and one thigh, yet it felt as liberating as being released after being crushed by a giant boulder.

“Haa… Haa… Heok…”

I let out the breath that had risen to my chin over and over again. My heaving chest rose and fell, and I rubbed my tingling wrists. A distinct red handprint was engraved on my wrist. To the point where I was sure a bruise would form by tomorrow. A surge of anger welled up, and I glared daggers at Jihyuk and shouted.

“You, please, just stop! Why do you keep using violence, for god’s sake!”

“You’re the one who didn’t keep your promise, Teacher.”

Jihyuk said indifferently.

“That you’d start listening to me, that you’d play with me. You were the one who promised that, Teacher, so why do you keep breaking your promise and making me so violent?”

“You can, you can just say it with words!”

“Has there ever been a time when you readily listened just because I used words?”

I was so dumbfounded that I was at a loss for words. The moment I was about to say something, Jihyuk cut me off.

“I told you this is my way. Stop making me do things my way. It annoys me too.”

“……”

“In the first place, if you hadn’t broken your promise, Teacher, would you have ended up panting on your student’s bed?”

Jihyuk mocked me with a blatantly joyful tone. Hearing Jihyuk’s words, my earlobes strangely burned as if they would burst. It was probably just a remark spat out to humiliate me, yet strangely, Jihyuk’s words had something that stimulated and dug into the peripheral nerves.

“Or maybe, do you enjoy that kind of thing? Like, you like doing something wrong and getting punished…”

“Stop, please stop.”

I felt like I wanted to cover my ears. At this point, regret washed over me that I hadn’t just played along obediently.

“…Let’s stop now, fine. Like you said, …let’s play. What do you want to do?”

“Should have done that from the start.”

Jihyuk chuckled softly, then shot up from the bed in one motion. My body flinched at the shadow cast by his solid physique standing before me. The memory of the power that had completely dominated me just a moment ago made me shudder involuntarily.

“Get up.”

Jihyuk pulled me toward the inner part of the room. Like Jiwon’s room, which I had seen a few times, Jihyuk’s room was also bent in an L-shape. A small living-room-like space was added to the large room, making it the size of a small house rather than a room.

All I had seen in the front space where we had tutoring so far were the bed, a bookshelf, and a desk. But when I went inside, I saw a space decorated like any house’s living room, with a sofa and a huge wall-mounted television.

Jihyuk picked up a game console from the TV stand and handed one to me.

“Let’s play this together.”

“…A game?”

“Yes. Do you like them?”

“Uh… so-so?”

My voice gradually trailed off. The indifferent answer of “so-so” was, in fact, a blatant lie. Regardless of skill, I had never even played with a game console like this before.

Nevertheless, I silently took the game controller from Jihyuk. He probably wouldn’t beat me just for being bad at a game, right? I couldn’t think of anything else suitable to suggest. Tutoring would be a hundred times better, but I couldn’t just suddenly suggest studying to a kid who wanted to play…

“Do you like this kind of thing too?”

“…Just whatever you like is fine.”

The game Jihyuk had put on the screen was a racing game. Despite my rather deflating answer, Jihyuk skillfully operated the controller and started the game.

Soon, a car’s cockpit appeared on the screen, large enough to fill the wall. Vrooom, the car started with a realistic sound.

“…Ah.”

A single cry escaped my mouth involuntarily. I hadn’t even lasted a few seconds, but the car I was driving kept crashing here and there. Each time, the controller in my hand vibrated intensely, buzz, buzz. I hadn’t even actually driven a car before, but the screen filling my vision made it feel so much like I was actually driving that I even felt a little motion sick.

I struggled, holding the controller, continuously crashing into walls. It took a long time just to get the hang of the controls. Jihyuk, watching me finally finish the race with a disastrous score, laughed at me mercilessly.

“You’re ridiculously bad.”

“It’s my first time.”

Annoyed, I glared at Jihyuk. Jihyuk looked at me, smiled slightly, and then adjusted the controller to turn on another game.

“Then let’s play something together.”

“…What is this?”

“Killing zombies.”

I wasn’t particularly drawn to a brutal game, but I silently let Jihyuk do as he pleased. Just as Jihyuk had briefly explained, the main content of the game was for two players to team up, move around inside a building, and defeat the endlessly swarming zombies.

To be honest, I wasn’t very active in this game either. The most I did was provide backup from behind whenever Jihyuk took on a zombie horde with a knife. I gathered my courage and stepped forward a couple of times, but each time, I was just mercilessly attacked by zombies.

“Get behind me.”

Jihyuk said nonchalantly and gestured toward me with his eyes. My stomach churned for no reason at his sweet smile. Is it because of the car game earlier… I tried hard not to glance at his face and fumbled with the controller. But I was already surrounded by a horde of zombies, so it wasn’t easy to escape.

Jihyuk agilely operated his controller, wiped out about half of the zombie horde, and then quickly held out his hand.

“Not like that. Like this. I said get behind me. Stop getting your ass kicked over there.”

“…Uh, okay.”

Jihyuk’s hand, hot as fire, swallowed mine. In that position, Jihyuk stretched out his thumb and placed it over mine. After Jihyuk manipulated it a few times, my character escaped from the zombie horde as if by magic. Jihyuk hid my character securely behind his own, then quickly let go of my hand and grabbed his own controller again.

“Follow me closely.”

“Okay.”

Before I knew it, I was also immersed in the game. This time, I didn’t step forward but hid securely behind Jihyuk’s character and actively supported him. It turned out that the character I had chosen was originally designed to be a support character. No wonder the zombies wouldn’t die no matter how many times I hit them.

“Uh oh, oh. No, uh oh…”

Those words slipped out of my mouth without me realizing. I was so engrossed that my body was even leaning to the side, and it seemed Jihyuk, next to me, saw me and smiled slightly, but I had no time to worry about that. I was completely focused, following Jihyuk and diligently providing cover.

Finally, with grand music, the words ‘mission clear!’ appeared on the screen.

“Ah… It’s over.”

My head was blank. When I suddenly checked the clock, about an hour had already passed. It’s been that long already…? Going to the hotel with Jihyuk for lunch felt like a very long time ago. The brief commotion with Jiwon right here, too.

I must have been so engrossed in the game that I played without realizing time was passing. Is it because it’s my first time playing a game like this? I felt a little embarrassed for being so absorbed, so I cleared my throat, ahem.

“…We, ll, I’ll get going now…”

Surprisingly, Jihyuk nodded readily. I thought he would whine to play more. As Jihyuk shot up, I also awkwardly got to my feet. My eyes were still blurry and my head felt heavy from the after-effects of the game.

Jihyuk faced me directly and smiled.

“It’s nice playing with you, Teacher.”

“……”

“Let’s play together often from now on.”

Okay? Jihyuk’s face, seeking confirmation, looked unusually kind. I didn’t want to get on his bad side anymore, so I nodded obediently. It’s not like we set a specific date or time anyway.

“Then I’ll see you on tutoring day. I’ll contact the driver, so take the car home.”

📖

“Mom. I’ll be back again then.”

Beep-beep-beep beep. Instead of my mother, the oxygen saturation monitor beeped as if to say goodbye to me as I got up from my seat. Occasionally, when the sensor comes off, it makes this sound. At first, I would get startled and call the medical staff right away, but that was so long ago I can’t even remember.

Now, I could handle this much on my own without calling a nurse. I familiarly lifted the blanket and looked for my mother’s hand. As expected, the oxygen saturation sensor was slightly askew and had come off. I carefully reattached the sensor to my mother’s finger and pulled the blanket up to cover her.

“My mom doesn’t want to let me go, huh. You were fine until now, but now you’re acting up just because I said I’m leaving.”

I said it jokingly and smiled. Even though it was probably just her muscles contracting and moving, independent of my mom’s will.

Come to think of it, these days have been increasing. It wasn’t a movement with my mom’s will behind it, but I couldn’t help but be glad. The years without even that kind of response had been too long.

Since coming here, she hasn’t had any sudden difficulty breathing like before. Her breathing, pulse, and body temperature were also maintained at a certain level. The doctor’s cautious prediction that my mom might wake up soon was becoming more and more credible.

The more that happened, the more my heart swelled with hope. It had been nine whole years, the time my mother had been lying down. There were people who had been lying down for longer than that, but for me, it was a long and desperate time, like a pitch-black cave with no end in sight.

Now, I can really see the end. That thought alone was the hope that kept me alive and moving these days.

“I’m really going now. I’ll come with Jeonghee next time.”

Hoping that I wouldn’t have to lie to my mom, I forced the corners of my mouth up. Even though my mom couldn’t see my face. I held my mom’s hand warmly, hoping that at least the fact that her son was smiling would be conveyed.

Lately, it’s been hard to get in touch with Jeonghee. We weren’t the type to purposely set aside time to meet before either, but since the hospital visiting hours were set, we would naturally meet during visitation. Or I would see her for a bit when Jeonghee dropped by the house every weekend.

But recently, I haven’t run into Jeonghee during visiting hours. When was the last time Jeonghee came to see our mother? I thought about asking a nurse, but they mostly work in three shifts, so there’s no way they would remember something like that.

Why is she busier now that vacation has started? Is she too busy with her love life? It was nice that my one and only younger sister was enjoying a brilliant youth befitting a college student, but it was still a bit bitter that she was becoming more and more neglectful of our mother.

After hesitating for a moment, I left a message for Jeonghee.

[Jeonghee. Haven’t seen you at all lately. Why are you so hard to reach? Give me a call when you see this.]

Before, she used to read my messages right away, but lately, her reading speed has been slow too. She either checks after half a day has passed or doesn’t read it for several days.

Honestly, it was frustrating, but there wasn’t much I could do. She would be frustratingly out of reach, and then, just when I thought, ‘Did something really happen to her?’ and was about to go find her, we would get in touch once again. Then, when asked if anything was wrong, Jeonghee would play it off, saying, ‘Wrong? Nothing’s wrong!’ So, I couldn’t really press her about what she had been up to lately.

Still, maybe I should try going to the vicinity of Jeonghee’s university dorm next time. If I contact her when I get there, she’ll come out. I really didn’t want to loiter around someone else’s university dorm, but I can’t help it since I’m worried.

I left the hospital and jogged a little to catch the bus that had just arrived at the stop. I barely got on the bus and wiped the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead with the back of my hand.