NANOM Ch 5

“…What?”

In that instant, a flash of white light sparked in the pitch-black surroundings. The sound of pouring rain could be heard, as if the drizzle that had been falling a drop or two at a time since I arrived at the mansion had now swelled in volume. A beat later, a rumbling sound erupted from outside the window.
In the darkness that once again dominated the room, I could not even breathe properly. I felt as if I had been struck in the head.

“What… what are you talking about…”

“Was it good? When you went to the hotel with Woo Jiwon and fucked.”

Watching Jihyuk’s face, his lips curling up slightly while his gaze remained firmly fixed on me, I had the illusion that I could smell a viscous, sharp, and fishy odor, like that of blood.

I was clearly flustered by Jihyuk’s absurd accusation. My heart was not just beating fast, it was racing. It was as if Jihyuk knew everything about me and was speaking of it. My secret, which I had never told anyone.

Calm down. How could he possibly know? I desperately admonished myself, biting down hard on my lip. I have to stay calm.

“I don’t know what on earth you’re talking about, could you please explain?”

I glared at Jihyuk, clenching my dry fists. It was just the stubborn whim of a fickle kid, and all I had to do was deny his ridiculous assumptions. However, Jihyuk looked down at me, who was deliberately asking calmly, with a mocking gaze.

“When guys do that kind of thing, who does the fucking? Does Woo Jiwon do it? Haha, I doubt that scrawny bastard can even get it up.”
“Stop it, Woo Jihyuk!”

“Or, did you do the fucking, teacher?”

Jihyuk’s upper body leaned slightly toward me.

“I just can’t imagine fucking with this face.”

As his whisper-like voice reached my ear, I felt the fine hairs on my skin stand on end. I could not stand it anymore.

“Stop, stop spouting such nonsense!”

My voice cracked foolishly. I gasped for breath, glaring at Jihyuk. Jihyuk silently stretched the corners of his mouth to the side. It was a look of pure enjoyment, watching me become flustered.

Crazy bastard. He’s really not in his right mind. A chill ran swiftly down my arm. I thought that if I looked away now, it would be over. Like when encountering a large dog in an alley, I used all my strength not to avert my gaze from him.

However, that resolve was soon destined to crumble into useless fragments.

“What about this, then?”

Jihyuk smiled and held out his phone. The moment I saw the screen, I was engulfed in a shock as if I had been struck in the head. Because the overly familiar faces were captured so clearly.

Jiwon, affectionately caressing my cheek in the underground parking lot, and me, looking up at him with a dazed expression.

“N-no. It’s not…”

My vision swam. I needed to handle the situation quickly and calmly, but my chest felt tight. I shook my head vigorously and denied it in a trembling voice.

“It’s a misunder… a misunderstanding. Jiwon and I were supposed to have a meal after my exam. That’s why… he came to the school to pick me up. I fell asleep on the way… So we couldn’t eat and just, went to the hotel…”

My voice, rambling on with excuses, trailed off. A sense of failure and regret. The more I spoke, the more these feelings washed over me, making me want to bash my head against something. I was digging my own grave right now.

My response was complacent and foolish.

I mean, where on earth is there a student who comes to pick up their tutor on the day their exam ends? And where in the world is there a student who takes their tutor to a hotel just because he says he is sleepy?

I should have been more firm with Jiwon from the beginning. I should have refused his repeated kindness, saying it was burdensome. But I had foolishly and obediently followed the lead of a twenty-year-old kid who knew nothing, and I had even gone so far as to sleep there without any backbone. At the time, I had even felt pleased, thinking I got to sleep in such an expensive place, and my own self felt endlessly stupid.

But this was not the time to wallow in self-hatred. Although I felt like I was sinking deeper into a swamp with every word, I could not just let Jihyuk have such a misunderstanding. I gasped for breath and desperately continued to speak.

“We did go to the hotel, but Jiwon didn’t go in with me. He just told me to rest on my own… That’s what he did. So I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t make such an unpleasant misunderstanding…”

“Ah. So you did go to the hotel…”

Jihyuk tilted his head slightly, looking into my eyes as if he found it amusing.

“But you didn’t suck that bastard’s dick?”

Then, his eyes curved slightly as he smiled. This boy was simply, slowly mocking me as I desperately made excuses.

The welling resentment began to boil over. The pent-up frustration burst out in a single sigh. At this point, a question born of exasperation arose.

Why. Why on earth did Jihyuk have the things I gave to Jiwon, and why did he take this picture?

The question of ‘why,’ which had belatedly raised its head as I was preoccupied with making excuses for this situation, fiercely ignited a fire in my chest. Glaring at Jihyuk, I blurted out.

“Why, why are you doing this to me. Why do you have those things, and why are you following us around taking pictures like that. Why on earth are you linking me with Jiwon like that. Why are you doing this to me, damn it!”

I screamed, forgetting that this was my student’s house. But my outcry was completely drowned out by a clap of thunder that struck with a loud boom right on cue. I resented and felt sorry for the thunder that had to strike at such a moment. I glared at Jihyuk, huffing and puffing, my eyes welling up with moisture.

As expected. Jihyuk was looking down at me like that and smiling again.

“Hmm…”

After rolling his eyes for a moment as if in thought, he answered in a cool tone.

“I guess you’re just horribly unlucky, teacher.”

“…What?”

“Why did you have to get involved with a bastard like Woo Jiwon. That’s why I keep wanting to torment you, teacher.”

Jihyuk smiled, drawing out his words slowly as if teasing. Just like when he had sneered at me when I was lost and helpless in the mansion for the first time. The only thing that had changed since then was that Jihyuk’s light curiosity toward me had now turned into a more viscous madness.

Jihyuk perched on the desk and picked up a pen lying next to him. My name on the pen, held between his thick and imposing fingers, looked exceptionally shabby. Jihyuk twirled the pen playfully. Much more skillfully than my own technique that Jiwon had admired.

“That crazy bastard, Woo Jiwon. Isn’t he fucking disgusting? What do you think he did with this pen?”

“……”

“Fuck, just imagining it is so gross I don’t even want to touch it.”

Jihyuk muttered under his breath and threw the pen back onto the desk. Seeing the deep disgust in his eyes, I bit my lip hard. But Jihyuk’s words did not stop there.

“Aren’t you curious what he did? He probably looked at your picture, fuck, and shoved that pen into his dirty asshole and masturbated, you know? Ah… so fucking dirty.”

Ugh. Jihyuk feigned a silent gag and laughed playfully.

“Stop, stop saying things like that now!”

“Ah, I guess he didn’t need to do that. Not when he has a teacher who’ll spread his legs at a hotel. What did you guys do there? Did you really do the fucking, teacher? Or, did you get fucked? You both look so pathetic, it’s confusing.”

The explicit and obscene words, spat out deliberately as if to make sure I heard them properly, shattered my mind completely. Jihyuk’s crocodile-like eyes gleamed as he laughed softly.

“This will be fucking fun to talk about.”

“What…?”

“Nobody knows that Woo Jiwon is a dirty gay bastard. Only me.”

His broad chest trembled slightly with a quiet chuckle.

“The whole house is going to be turned upside down. Looks like I’ll get a good show, thanks to you, teacher.”

“…Wha, t…”

“You might even get killed if you’re unlucky, teacher. So why did you have to come to a shithole like this in the first place.”

The expression on Jihyuk’s face as he smiled, baring his teeth, was cruelly innocent. Looking at Jihyuk’s face, I clutched my chest tightly. My breath, which had been ragged for a while, now caught in my throat. …Something’s wrong. I can’t… I can’t breathe properly.

Jiwon is gay. The shocking words Jihyuk had uttered drifted through my mind. But there was something that felt like a greater threat than that fact. Right now, Jihyuk was clearly threatening me.

But, for what reason? Why would he threaten someone like me, who has nothing to extort? I could not understand him at all.

“What… what do you want from me. Why are you doing this to me. If you guys don’t get along, you guys, hic, should fight. …Don’t take it out… on me.”

Eventually, my eyelids, which had been strained to their limit, filled with water. I roughly wiped my blurry vision with the back of my hand. It was not just because of the insulting words I had heard today. Jihyuk’s existence had been a heavy burden on me from the day we first met.
What on earth does this boy gain by twisting and squeezing me like this? Pleasure? Just for fun? Just as a playfully thrown stone can kill a frog, Jihyuk’s words, mocking me in a relentlessly light tone, had finally killed me today.

“What… do you want from me. Just tell me. Don’t… torment a person like this.”

A childish, huffing sound mixed with my tears. It was pathetic that even in this moment, I could not argue logically and was foolishly shedding tears.

But as always, I was horribly unlucky, and the situation had been orchestrated for Jihyuk to corner me and Jiwon. Even though I had in fact done nothing with that boy, the evidence had been fabricated to the point where I had no excuse. At this point, just how foolish was I, and how unlucky was I?

“What I want.”

I heard a soft laugh. When he laughs like this, the breath he exhales is a little cool. It was absurd that I had now figured out even such a thing. Jihyuk was the very person I had desperately wished not to get involved with the most.

Jihyuk’s hand, carrying a cool scent, slowly came to rest on the hair that had fallen across my forehead. A shiver ran down my spine, but I did not dare to pull away. His thick fingers seemed to touch my feverish forehead for a moment, then they bent sharply, grabbing the strands of my hair. Then he lifted my head so that my gaze would meet his. With my hair held tightly in his grasp, I could only stare at Jihyuk with widened eyes.

Jihyuk’s eyes shone as he smiled.

“I told you. I like an obedient teacher.”

Obedient, teacher… While nonchalantly putting together two words that did not belong, Jihyuk was still smiling faintly. At a loss for words, I stared at Jihyuk with my mouth slightly agape in disbelief. The tears that had clung to the corners of my eyes evaporated in an instant due to my boiling anger.

“What do you want me to do. Speak so I can understand!”

“First, fix that fucking tone of voice.”

“…What?”

“I don’t like it when people talk to me like that.”

Jihyuk commanded with an arrogant expression.

“From now on, only speak to me prettily. Kindly. Just like you did with that bastard Woo Jiwon.”

“Wh-what, when did I…”

“At the restaurant that time, you were like that to Woo Jiwon.”

As if his mood was terribly soured, Jihyuk’s eyes were fierce even as the corners of his mouth twisted up.

“‘He’s gone, so let’s just the two of us eat.’”

“……”

“I, for fuck’s sake, couldn’t even have a single spoonful. But the two of you ate your meal deliciously.”

What is this again… It was no different from a child lying on the street and throwing a tantrum. I was so dumbfounded that I was at a loss for words, only managing to move my lips.

“Apologize for that first. I was in a fucking bad mood back then.”

“……”

Is he trying to mess with me right now? I could not fathom his true intentions. I just stared blankly at Jihyuk, my hair still held in his grip.

But Jihyuk was not smiling playfully like before. Absurdly, this boy was now genuinely demanding an apology from me. As if he had truly been hurt. There was not a hint of a smile on Jihyuk’s lips as he stared at me. A tense silence stretched on, like a rubber band about to snap.

“……”

“……”

In the unforgiving quiet, so still that even breathing could be heard, I finally realized. To escape this humiliating situation of having my hair grabbed by my student, I had no choice but to do as this boy wanted.

No, did I even have the right to feel humiliated after being foolishly swayed by two students? My dignity as a teacher had long since vanished. Putting aside the teacher-student relationship, even as a human being, I was not being respected. Right now, I was thoroughly in the subordinate position.

Whether this boy turned his own family upside down or revealed the secret of Jiwon, whom he hated so much for some unknown reason, honestly, it did not have much to do with me. But as Jihyuk said, the person captured in this photo just happened to be none other than me. Regardless of whether I did anything with Jiwon at that hotel or not, regardless of the facts.

The memory of signing the contract, promising to keep silent about everything that happened here, naturally came to mind. The scale of the mansion itself was different from ordinary houses, but even if it were not for that, I knew well that it was not common practice to make someone sign such an agreement for a tutoring job. Getting fired from the tutoring job was one thing, but as seen in dramas, and just as Jihyuk threatened, my personal safety could be at risk.

There was no longer any reason to cling to my already crumpled and broken pride. It was literally a useless pride. My trembling gaze, not knowing where to rest, wandered before I finally lowered my eyes and mumbled softly.

“…I’m sorry.”

“……”

“So please… let this go.”

Upon hearing the apology, Jihyuk let out a short laugh. Then, surprisingly, he obediently let go of my hair. The spot he had greedily held and then released was throbbing, and I rubbed my head, looking at Jihyuk resentfully.

“Teacher.”

“……”

“Are you really sorry to me?”

Asking this, Jihyuk leaned his body toward me. Still perched on the desk. I hesitated for a moment before nodding my head. Having already set aside my pride once, the second time was not difficult.

Watching my listless submission, Jihyuk’s lips stretched to the side. His eyes, which had been fierce all along, instantly softened. The eyes I had thought were like a crocodile’s, submerged in a swamp and eyeing its prey. Those eyes were smiling.

“It’s okay. Because from now on, you’ve decided to listen to me well.”

It was horrifying and spine-chilling. Where in this world was there a student who would so openly display such curiosity and amusement while looking at his own teacher?

“I’ll let it slide this once.”

📖

I do not remember well how the tutoring session ended. Not much different from our first meeting, Jihyuk unilaterally ended the class. In truth, it was a situation where he had no choice.

‘If… you’re done talking, now, solve th-that.’

Just saying that one sentence made my voice crack. No matter how much I pretended to be composed, my ice-cold fingertips trembled so much that they could hardly function. I was in a state where it would be a relief if I did not burst into more tears, let alone teach.

Jihyuk silently took in the sight of me, trembling like a drowned rat. After looking down at me without a word for a moment, he raised the corner of his mouth slightly and whispered.

‘Go. Home.’

‘……’

It was already the second time. I bit my lip and shook my head. I could not end the session again without doing anything.

The amount of money I received in exchange for looking after Jihyuk was too large for that. Pride was pride, but I was not shameless enough to keep taking money for free without any qualms.

Jihyuk’s eyes, which had held a hint of a smile, instantly turned fierce.

‘I said go. Don’t make me say it twice.’

‘……’

For a moment, only the sound of countless raindrops hitting the window echoed in the dark room. Looking at the blackened sky beyond the large, wide glass window, I suddenly felt an uncontrollable sadness. My situation, being thrown mercilessly into such pitch-black and dark surroundings. Myself, having to take a step towards that turbulence and chaos, knowing full well that a storm was raging. Today, I felt particularly sad and miserable.

It was pathetic, but I had no choice. I did not have the guts to sit there coolly and teach as if nothing had happened after being treated like this by a student. If I stayed seated, I felt like I would burst into tears again.

Biting my lip until it could bleed, I gathered my writing utensils with a trembling hand and put them in my bag. Then, as I stood up from my seat, I spat out to Jihyuk in a low voice.

‘…Do tha-that for homework. …And I’m going to reschedule the makeup for what we couldn’t do today.’

‘……’

‘We couldn’t have class today… so we’ll do it again. …Then I’ll be going.’

My appearance, struggling to the end, clinging to my last shred of pride, was pitiful. I knew very well that I was bluffing. In a state of utter powerlessness, almost being kicked out, the sight of myself assigning homework in the midst of it all was a comedy even to my own eyes. Jihyuk seemed to feel the same, as he smirked upon hearing my words.

This was the limit. I quickly turned around and grabbed the doorknob with a trembling hand and turned it. After leaving Jihyuk’s room as if fleeing, I practically ran down the stairs to the first floor. A housekeeper, who happened to be wiping an objet d’art on the wall, looked surprised. A tutor who went in to teach had come out in just a few minutes.

However, instead of frankly asking, ‘Are you finished already?’, she gave a look that seemed to say she understood everything, if only for a brief moment. Receiving a gaze mixed with pity, I bowed my head. As I was about to head for the front door, she called out to me, “Sir.”

“Are you leaving now?”

“…Ah, yes.”

My voice was still hoarse. Thinking she might see my tear-streaked face, I turned my head and wiped my face with my sleeve.

“It’s raining really hard…”

Her tone was worried. Right, I don’t have an umbrella… At this rate, the moment I open this door, I’ll be soaking wet in less than ten seconds. It’s not like I’m in a position to go back and ask Jihyuk to lend me an umbrella… I was debating whether to ask this lady if she had a spare umbrella I could borrow when, thankfully, the lady first said, “Well…” and opened a small door built next to the shoe cabinet to take out an umbrella.

“It looks like you didn’t bring an umbrella… If you don’t mind, you can take this.”

“Ah… Thank you so much.”

“It’s raining so much… Why don’t you stay a little longer and then go? The wind is so strong, I think you’ll get all wet even if you use an umbrella.”

The housekeeper’s face was filled with concern. But I just shook my head with a faint smile.

“…It’s okay. I have something urgent to do, so I have to leave quickly.”

I did not want to stay in this house for even a minute longer. I bowed my waist to her to express my gratitude and accepted the umbrella.

If I didn’t even have this, I would have had to walk while getting hit by such a cruel rain. Just thinking about it made my breath catch. I pictured myself getting on the subway home, completely drenched. A self-deprecating laugh escaped me at my own situation, where I still hesitated out of old habit despite now having enough money to take a taxi to the subway station.

As I opened the front door, the rain rushed in as if it had been waiting. To make matters worse, the wind was also strong. But before me, a black sedan was blocking the path to the garden. The driver who got out of the driver’s seat came up to me, looking bewildered, and bowed lightly.

“I will take you to your home. Please get in.”

“Pardon?”

My eyes widened on their own. It was too similar to what had happened in front of the school last time. Could Jiwon be in the car again? I instinctively scanned the back seat with a sharp eye, but the black-tinted window only reflected my dumbfounded face.

At that moment, a gust of wind blew fiercely, and a downpour of rain soaked my body. The driver frowned slightly and opened the back door for me. As the empty back seat came into view, I heard the driver’s urging voice.

“Please get in. It’s raining hard, I will escort you.”

His voice was strangely coercive. I swallowed hard and asked again.

“Are you really… going to my house?”

“Yes. If you tell me the address, I will take you there.”

His voice was as if asking why I was asking something so obvious. Only after hearing that did I get into the car and pull the back door shut. Feeling more relieved, I stammered out my home address to the driver, and the car smoothly pulled out of the mansion.

As the car drove down the road, raindrops continuously beat against the window. Despite the pouring rain, the inside of the car was dry and the temperature was comfortable. Coming here felt like crossing mountains and rivers, but to be able to go home so comfortably like this.

A sense of déjà vu washed over me again with the ensuing train of thought. After foolishly indulging in comfort and paying such a heavy price for it today, how could I have blindly trusted something offered by this household and rashly accepted a ride in the car? It seems I had let my guard down far too much just because no one was in the back seat. A sudden wave of anxiety made me urgently ask the driver.

“…Could it be that Jiwon… sent you?”

“Pardon? No, it was not.”

The driver, who had glanced at me through the rearview mirror, indifferently returned his gaze to the road ahead.

“The young master instructed me to drive you home after every tutoring session from now on.”

For a moment, my thoughts came to a halt.

…Woo Jihyuk?

After tormenting me like that, why is he doing this now… A sense of repulsion came before any gratitude. Still, at least now that I was in a car sent by him, I would not be dragged to a hotel anymore. And I would not have to be interrogated by Jihyuk again.

It was amusing how I was unknowingly feeling a little relieved at that thought. With a somewhat dazed feeling, I turned my gaze back to the window.

Whether I walked, getting soaked by the rain with no way to stop it, or rode in comfort in a car provided by the student who had insulted me. The rain will fall regardless. A small being like me has no power to stop the rain from falling. Instead of accepting the harsh reality pouring down fiercely and feeling pain, I could avoid it to get hit a little less. That was the way I had lived and the way I must continue to live.

So, maybe I can just relax a little and go…

No matter how hard I tried to think that way, a helpless sigh escaped my lips. The rain, pouring down as if to attack, looked like a demon even from inside the glass window. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head slightly against the damp car window.

📖

The rain, which had poured as if to swallow the whole world, stopped after two days as if it had never been, and once again, the hot sunlight covered the ground. I quickened my steps towards the hospital, finally treading on dry earth.

My mother was getting better every day, little by little. Like an ant carrying a load bigger than its own body and walking on silently. My mother’s long and arduous fight was finally riding the tide of victory. With every visit, my mother showed a response, moving her hand or furrowing her brow. When we performed the positional changes every two hours to prevent bedsores, she would even let out a moan, like hmmm.

The day I first heard that sound, I held my mother’s hand and cried silently. I did not know how many years it had been since I last heard her voice. It felt like she would say, ‘Our Jeonghyun has worked hard, you’ve been through so much,’ at any moment.

But the doctor still chose his words carefully. He also hinted that great expectations lead to great disappointment.

Still, I was happy. Whatever the doctor said, it felt like discovering a small sprout in a vast wasteland where no life had sprouted until now. It was perhaps natural to pin my hopes on it. I had lived for so long without knowing what hope was. Even if that sprout were to wither unexpectedly, it was too difficult for me to not place my heart on the small possibility that had finally appeared, out of fear.

The time that had flowed as lightly and happily as a feather whenever I went to see my mother, suddenly felt as heavy as if it were tied to a lead weight when the tutoring dates were the reference point. It had been almost a week since I last saw Jiwon and Jihyuk. And today was Jiwon’s tutoring day.

I dragged my feet as I got off the subway. At least when I went to see Jiwon, my mind was at ease. No matter how much I tried not to care, the words Jihyuk had said with a cold, mocking voice kept bothering me.

‘Nobody knows that Woo Jiwon is a dirty gay bastard. Only me.’

My mind was bound to be complicated. The unsettling moments that I had tried to cover up, not wanting to overanalyze, kept flashing through my mind. The times he asked for my things, his joyful expression when he suggested we eat together, the fact that he came to pick me up in front of the school, and even taking me to a hotel while I was sleeping.

If Jiwon really is gay. I could no longer dismiss those moments as the cute actions of a student who purely liked me as a teacher. I could no longer allow the repetition of all the actions Jiwon had shown me so far. From now on, I would draw a clear line and give no room for anything more.

I truly wanted to remain in a purely teacher-student relationship with Jiwon. Besides, he was a student who aspired to attend the university I go to, and the department I am in, and he had the skills to make it happen. This meant that even after the contract with him ended after the exam, there was a high possibility that we would continue to see each other.

Then it is even more of a no. As I was reinforcing my resolve, the bus door opened with a clatter, and I was about to step on.

“Mommyy.”

“Here, quickly put this in your mouth and let’s get on.”

I heard the whining voice of the child behind me and the voice of his mother, who popped a piece of the fruit she was finishing into the child’s mouth and tucked the peel away. My gaze, which had turned without thought, caught the sight of a banana peel with black spots speckled on it.

I reflexively covered my mouth. Ever since that day, just looking at a banana made me feel like throwing up.

Did Jihyuk, who had violently shoved a banana into my mouth, hate him so much just because Jiwon is gay? As I thought that, the rock hanging in my heart grew heavier. I felt sorry for Jiwon, being hated so intensely by Jihyuk for just that one reason. At the same time, the thought of having to hide my own identity even more deeply grew stronger.
Ding dong, not long after I rang the bell, the door clicked open. A scent of the forest wafted out. I feel it every time, but this place and the street just a few hundred meters away feel like completely different worlds.

Water droplets were beaded on the lush green grass that had soaked up the sunlight, as if it had just been watered. The garden, with its deep scent of greenery unique to post-rain, felt more restrained due to its neat grooming rather than exuding a wild vitality.

“Hello.”

“Welcome.”

I bowed to the housekeeper who happened to be opening the annex door and stepped inside. The staircase leading to the second floor stood before me as usual. Perhaps it was because this was the place I had run out of, no different from being kicked out, a few days ago. It felt particularly difficult to climb these stairs.

Catching my slightly labored breath, I turned left at the top of the stairs and headed for Jiwon’s room. The hallway was dead silent. Naturally, the owner of the room at the very end of the opposite side came to mind.

What is Jihyuk doing at this hour? Is he at home right now? Just thinking of his crocodile-like eyes seemed to send a chilling sensation through a part of my chest. Shuddering, I knocked on Jiwon’s door.

—Yes, teacher.

I heard Jiwon’s usual voice. Had I ever been this nervous opening Jiwon’s door? I grabbed the doorknob with an unwilling hand and pushed it down. As always, Jiwon, who had been sitting neatly at his desk, stood up with a smile.

“Welcome, teacher.”

“…Yeah, hello.”

It seems I was the only one feeling awkward. There was no shadow on Jiwon’s face as he smiled brightly at me. Jiwon, who greeted me with an unfazed expression, pushed the chair prepared for me in front of the desk towards me.

“Please sit.”

“Uh-huh.”

I took out the printouts from my bag and handed them to him, trying to act as natural as possible. My mind, which had been a jumble that I could not sort out even on my way here, began to calm down upon seeing Jiwon’s composed face.

In fact, nothing really happened with Jiwon. The whole commotion was something that had only occurred between Jihyuk and me. So, there is no need to be awkward with this boy. I just need to fend him off well from now on so he does not develop any other feelings for me. I quickly sorted out my thoughts and let out a long, complicated sigh.

Jiwon, who had been watching my face intently, blinked his innocent eyes.

“Shall I ask for some fruit?”

“Ah, no.”

I quickly waved my hand. Right now, even the thought of fruit made me want to throw up.

“I’m really fine. The fruit, the fruit is fine.”

“…Do you not like fruit? Or should I ask for something else?”

“Ah, no. I’m really okay…”

But at that moment, my stomach shamelessly chose to rumble, gurgle. I scratched the back of my neck, which had turned red. Jiwon smiled silently and made a call to request some refreshments. Soon, the door opened, and what the housekeeper brought in on a tray was, thankfully, bread and coffee, not fruit.

“…Thank you.”

“Not at all. Please have some of this while you wait.”

“Okay.”

The lesson began peacefully. Jiwon solved problems, and I ate the neatly cut bread, trying not to make any noise. Butter and fresh red bean paste were sandwiched between what seemed to be freshly baked ciabatta. The nausea I had felt just a moment ago at the thought of fruit had subsided, and warm food began to pile up in my empty stomach.

I had to admit it. The session with Jiwon was incomparably more comfortable than when I was with Jihyuk. Whether I was eating bread or drinking coffee beside him, Jiwon solved the problems with a sharply focused face.

Watching him, a sense of stability slowly crept in, and the tension gradually drained from my stiff body. I was lost in other thoughts, blankly watching Jiwon solve problems, and I missed the moment he finished the last problem and put down his pen.

“Done.”

“……”

“Teacher.”

Jiwon, with a smiling face, turned off the stopwatch that was still running.

“Oh, oh… Sorry.”

“Why are you so out of it.”

“Ah, it’s okay…”

“You look tired. Your face is a bit rough, too.”

Simultaneously with those words, Jiwon’s hand came towards my face. Just before his white, fine fingers could brush against my face, I flinched and grabbed his wrist.

“…Don’t.”

“Pardon?”

“Don’t… don’t touch me.”

Discomfort bubbled up from within me. The sense of stability and comfort I had felt just moments before vanished without a trace.

A worried tone and an affectionately concerned face. What that indicated was clear. I could see it clearly now. I could no longer accept his kindness so absentmindedly, which I had previously accepted, lumping it together with feelings of gratitude.

“Teacher. …Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“You seem to be… breaking out in a cold sweat.”

Jiwon, handing me a handkerchief neatly folded on a corner of the desk, looked at my face with a surprised expression. I covered my face with one hand and took the handkerchief. As I unfolded the thin cloth and buried my face in it, Jiwon’s characteristic cozy scent wafted over me.

Even that warmth, which I usually found comforting, was now churning my insides. Frowning slightly, I pulled my face away from the handkerchief.

“…Teacher. Teacher? …Are you okay?”

“……”

“Suddenly your face looks really… not good.”

Jiwon’s worried voice shook my insides even more. As I struggled to lower my gaze and avoid him, the questions I had tried to bury in my heart kept popping up sporadically.

I wanted to ask him right away.

Why do you look at me with that expression, and why do you keep trying to touch me. Why did you come to pick me up on the day my exam ended, and why, of all places, did you take me to a place like that. And, and, why. Why did you cut out my picture taken with Taejun hyung? Where is Taejun hyung’s cut-out picture now?

But the words would not come out easily. If I were to hear the answers, it felt like the line of our teacher-student relationship would truly blur. I am sorry to Jiwon, but maintaining a normal employment relationship was more important to me than knowing about his feelings. Therefore, to be honest, I was afraid of knowing Jiwon’s heart.

The feelings I sensed from Jiwon could have been my misunderstanding, and even if they were not, I was afraid that Jiwon would notice my suspicion and deny it, hiding himself away completely. People who harbor feelings that cannot be considered normal by the world’s standards are usually adept at hiding their emotions. Because they have been doing so for a very long time.

If Jiwon denied liking me, I would be the only one who became the strange one. And I would be the one who had to bear the resulting losses. Jiwon was my student, and he was someone who had incomparably more than I did. As someone who was less than an egg hitting a rock, if Jiwon denied his feelings for me and instead framed me as the strange one, I would have no power to escape that situation.

I struggled to compose myself and waved my hand.

“Ah, no. I’m… I’m okay.”

“Teacher.”

“But… I’d appreciate it if you didn’t touch me… It’s a little… uncomfortable.”

A short silence fell, and Jiwon answered coolly.

“Ah, I’m sorry. Of course, you could feel displeased… I didn’t think about it.”

As expected, Jiwon’s face was normal. Even though I had blatantly pushed him away, Jiwon completely concealed any sign of displeasure. My feeling that Jiwon was just a bright and innocent child might have been a misconception. I thought it was a relief that I had not frankly revealed what I had heard from Jihyuk.

“No, it’s okay…”

So, I had to be okay too. As I was about to answer Jiwon with a forced smile, suddenly, bang!, the door flew open with an incredibly rough force.

“…Jihyuk!”

Jihyuk’s face, filling the doorway, came into view. Jiwon, greatly surprised, widened his round eyes even more. My body trembled at the memory that surfaced like déjà vu. Jihyuk, who had brought with him the memory of that day I was dragged into the dark room, looked down at us with a cold expression.

“Why, why… What’s wrong? We’re in the middle of a lesson…”

“I know.”

Jihyuk, who answered indifferently, moved his feet without hesitation. He strode past the desk where we were sitting and then plopped down on the spacious sofa next to it. My heart pounded at the intrusion of the unexpected guest. Why on earth did he come? Holding my breath, I stared at Jihyuk.

Jihyuk’s hair was slightly wet, as if he had just showered. Along with that usual cool scent, a fresh smell like oranges was mixed in. Jihyuk, in a tracksuit with his slightly disheveled hair, exuded both his usual intimidating feeling and the feeling of a mischievous child with an ominous curiosity.

The baseball in Jihyuk’s hand shot up towards the ceiling and then landed right back in his palm. Repeating the light play, Jihyuk looked this way and smirked slightly.

“Continue.”

“Jihyuk, this is…”

I was dumbfounded. Jiwon, too, glared at him as if resentful. But even so, Jiwon could not say anything more to him.

It was my turn to do something as a teacher in Jiwon’s place. No matter what, I could not let him interfere with the lesson. After hesitating for a moment, I cleared my throat and called out, “Jihyuk.”

“Um… we’re in the middle of a lesson. Could you… please leave?”

“……”

It seems he really did not like my command. For a moment, a vein popped on Jihyuk’s forehead. Whoosh, the ball in his thick hand shot up again and landed. Jihyuk’s slightly puffed-out chest deflated again with a short exhale.

Jihyuk, who suddenly grinned, asked in a voice mixed with laughter.

“Teacher. Don’t you remember the last promise we made?”

“……”

This time, it was my turn to shut up. I did not know he would threaten me so blatantly. The promise I was forced to make, to be an obedient teacher, naturally came to mind.

Would he really say that in front of Jiwon? Just thinking about it felt like my pride was crumbling down with a crash. But the next words from Jihyuk were slightly different from my expectation.

“You promised to speak to me kindly too. Just like you do to Woo Jiwon. Didn’t you?”

“……”

“But if you tell me to get lost, I get a little… very offended.”

Fortunately, he did not say it directly, but his tone was one of blatantly enjoying this situation. Resigned, I let out a short sigh. Jiwon looked at me with a frightened expression and gestured towards the door with his eyes. It seemed he meant for us to move to another place to continue the lesson. Just as I understood the sign and was about to discreetly lift my butt.

“Sit. Don’t be annoying.”

“……”

“You’re not thinking of leaving me here alone and going out, just the two of you, are you?”

If you do, I don’t know what I’ll do, Jihyuk said with a short laugh. Despite barging in during a lesson, he had a relaxed expression, unlike us, who were completely tense.

Looking at Jiwon’s still bewildered expression, I had a hunch that Jihyuk had not yet told Jiwon what we had said. Come to think of it, why was Jihyuk the only one who knew about Jiwon’s orientation? If he had exposed it to the family, it would have been enough to cause chaos, and he certainly did not care for Jiwon enough to keep it quiet to protect him.

It was probably a ploy to hold that as a weakness and wield it as he pleased. Just like how he had agilely sniffed out the scent of poverty on me and willingly used it for his own lowly pleasure.

As my thoughts reached that point, Jihyuk, who was happily playing with the ball like a child by himself, looked even more detestable. I deliberately turned my head away sharply.

“Don’t mind him, Jiwon. …Let’s continue our studies.”

“…Yes.”

Jiwon answered softly with his head bowed. He was a bright yet cunning child when he was alone with me, but his presence becomes infinitely small whenever Jihyuk is around. So small that it was suffocating even for me to watch.

What on earth had happened to these boys? It seemed like there were multiple layers of thick emotions like disgust, fear, and hatred between the two of them that I could not possibly know all of. The two did not know each other’s inner thoughts, and it seemed they did not want to know either.

In any case, as long as Jihyuk decided to keep quiet, I could not carelessly say ‘I know your secret’ to Jiwon as a warning to be careful. Therefore, I chose to keep my mouth shut.

For now, I decided to focus on the lesson. I pulled the problems Jiwon had solved in front of me and started grading them. The pen, which had been drawing circles all along, stopped at one point.

“…Jiwon. Shall we read this problem together?”

“Yes.”

“As shown in the figure, at the moment an object A is thrown from a point O on a horizontal ground with a velocity of vA at an angle of 60° with the ground, an object B is…”

Jiwon, who had been biting his lip while trying to compose his emotions, immediately listened to my voice as I recited the problem. Jiwon’s face, concentrating on the problem, and my face, holding a pen and writing explanations under the problem, gradually drew closer.

Our two faces were placed side by side, so close that our breaths could mix. The discomfort I had felt when Jiwon’s hand approached earlier was gone without a trace. Despite the difficult environment for concentration, I, along with Jiwon who was seriously engaging in the lesson, also focused on the problem and got absorbed. With my eyes downcast, I drew lines under the problem with a ballpoint pen.

“If you look at the problem, it says that the straight-line distance between O, P and P, Q is the same. Then here…”

Bang!

Startled by the sharp sound that erupted right above my head, I reflexively turned around. Jihyuk’s baseball had come in, splitting the space between us where we had been close, hit the wall above the desk, and bounced off. At the same time, Jiwon’s intense gaze that had been stuck on me fell away. In the moment of lifting my head, I had been completely unaware of that gaze because I had been buried in the problem.

Jiwon shot up from his seat.

“Woo Jihyuk, you really need to cut it out!”

Jiwon’s scream-like cry echoed loudly in the room. Jiwon’s chest heaved unstably as he gasped for breath. It was the first time I had seen such a sharp look in Jiwon’s eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing. Why are you coming in during a lesson and disturbing us. No matter how much you hate me, this is just not right!”

The only response to Jiwon’s indignant outcry was Jihyuk’s gleeful laughter. Watching Jihyuk’s face, his lips turned up in a wide grin and his brow furrowed slightly as he giggled, a creeping sense of displeasure and goosebumps rose within me. Does this boy really find this kind of thing, this, fun?

After laughing for a good while, Jihyuk spoke cheerfully.

“Ah. Were you in the middle of a lesson? I thought you were on a date. The way you were looking at the teacher was so dirty.”

“Watch your mouth. Stop it now…!”

The chair was pushed back roughly, and Jiwon approached Jihyuk with a fiery momentum. But just before Jiwon could grab Jihyuk by the collar, Jihyuk’s hand fiercely grabbed Jiwon’s hair.

There was no time to say anything to stop them. Thud, Jiwon’s face was slammed against the wall. At the same time, Jihyuk pinned Jiwon’s two hands behind his back, gathering them in one hand as if to subdue him. I screamed and grabbed Jihyuk’s arm.

“Woo Jihyuk! Stop it!”

However, no matter how much I pulled and tugged, Jihyuk’s arm did not budge. Jihyuk, who was pressing Jiwon’s face firmly against the wall, was clearly and intentionally controlling his strength. Pressing down enough that Jiwon could not move, yet not so much that he would be seriously injured. Even though I was not the one being subjected to it, I was overwhelmed by his cunning.

Jihyuk leaned over Jiwon, who was trembling, as if to cover him, and whispered in his ear.

“Jiwon. Do you want the teacher to know your dirty true self?”

“Woo Jihyuk, you really…!”

“You should be careful. This is a warning. This business of subtly provoking me, go ahead and try to keep it up.”

Watching Jiwon, who was looking up at Jihyuk with teary eyes and panting for breath, I was momentarily reminded of the animals I had seen in nature documentaries. Animals that trembled and struggled under the large paw of the ruler of the ecosystem, only to be torn to shreds in the end, whose only crime was being weak. And the fact that to Jihyuk, I was no different from Jiwon, such a being.

Jihyuk continued, smiling softly.

“Remember that you, unlike other people, are a fucking cripple.”

After finishing his words, Jihyuk nonchalantly let go of Jiwon and left, as if he had never come in and caused a ruckus. In the momentarily quieted room, only the sound of Jiwon’s panting breath echoed. On the floor lay the well-worn baseball that Jihyuk had thrown.

📖

The weekdays, which felt eternally dreadful and tedious, had all passed. It was a Sunday that felt like it had been a very long time in the making. With my exams over and no tutoring, I slept in like the dead for a change.

I got up with a rustle, yawned long, and stretched. The short shorts I had casually thrown on rode all the way up my thighs. Fortunately, it seemed I had not lost any more weight, as the shorts, which had felt like they were getting bigger by the day, were hanging obediently on my waist. Was it because I had more peace of mind? These days, I had been eating packed lunches instead of triangle kimbap, and instant bone broth instead of cup ramen.

I opened the refrigerator, confirmed its miserable state, and closed the door again. Jeonghee said she could not come today either… Then I do not need to bother with grocery shopping or cooking. I will just boil some ramen. Having simply chosen the menu, I took out a packet of instant noodles.

Come to think of it, I do not know how many weeks it has been since Jeonghee last came home. The last time I saw him was when we ran into each other at the hospital a few days ago. Naturally, Jeonghee’s appearance from that day came to mind. The flashy clothes and strong perfume smell.

Jeonghee that day seemed like a different person. He had never dressed up like that before. And he seemed… a bit on edge.

My thoughts went that far before I chuckled and consciously stopped the train of thought. Again, again with the condescending thoughts. No wonder Jeonghee finds it suffocating… The word ‘condescending’, which I keep dwelling on like a lingering resentment, must have been quite a shock when I first heard it from Jeonghee.

I put the ramen into the boiling water and, after waiting for a moment, broke it in half and put it in. After taking out the kimchi I had bought at the mart a few days ago, there was nothing more to do. I was blankly waiting for the ramen to cook when my phone rang.

Seeing the welcome name shining on the screen, I widened my eyes.

“Taejun hyung!”

—How have you been?

Taejun hyung’s voice, filled with laughter. The atmosphere was definitely different from the call I had received a few weeks ago. Relieved, I raised my voice, a rare occurrence.

“What’s up, hyung? You don’t sound bad… Has your family member recovered well?”

—Yeah. I think they’ll be able to be discharged in about two or three weeks.

“That’s a relief, really!”

—I know. It’s a huge weight off my mind. Hah…

It was Taejun hyung’s relaxed voice, which I had not heard in a long time. A smile spread on my lips as well. I am so glad it worked out well.

“So when are you coming back to Korea?”

—Me? I have to go as soon as they’re discharged. I’ve already booked a ticket for then.

“I see. We should see each other when you come, hyung.”

—Of course. I haven’t forgotten that you promised to buy me meat, you know?

“Didn’t you say you’d never get me to treat you to anything?”

A hearty laugh erupted from the other end of the phone. I, who had spoken as if pouting, was also beaming. I do not know how long it has been since I have laughed so freely.

—Well, I think I can get you to treat me now. I heard you got a regular tutoring gig with Jiwon?

“Ah… Yes. It… turned out that way.”

—Congratulations, man. Our Jeonghyun is quite capable, huh?

“Haha…”

Capable… Could there be a funnier word in my situation? I smiled bitterly, recalling the days I had been helplessly toyed with by Jihyuk. Hearing Taejun hyung’s innocent laughter naturally calmed my emotions. He has no idea what kind of things Jihyuk has been doing to me.

“…Hyung.”

—Yeah?

“Um… did you know… that Jiwon has a younger brother?”

—…A younger brother? Jiwon does?

Even without seeing it, I could clearly picture Taejun hyung’s bewildered face. I knew it, he did not know. I let out a short sigh and wiped my face with my palm.

“…Yes. He has a younger brother. One year younger.”

—He does? But why have I never seen him? I’ve never heard about it from Jiwon either!

“He said he just came back from the U.S. not long ago. And the two of them… their relationship is… not very good. That’s probably why he didn’t mention it.”

—I see. Jiwon’s younger brother… I can’t imagine it. I’m curious. Is he handsome and nice like Jiwon?

A dry laugh escaped me. The word handsome was certainly true, but the word nice was a level I could not even pretend to agree with. However, I chose to smile and reassure Taejun hyung rather than honestly recounting what I had been through and making him worry. He already has a lot on his mind, is there a need to add my worries to his plate?

“…Anyway, I’ll buy you something delicious when we meet.”

—Oh? Look at this confidence. Then buy me kimchi jjigae.

“What do you mean kimchi jjigae. You said to buy you meat.”

—I’m kidding. I eat meat to death here anyway. I’m desperate for kimchi jjigae. I’m dying to eat it with rice.

Taejun hyung’s consideration, skillfully leading my bold bluff, is truly, not a single bit different from before. On one hand, I felt a little sorry for Taejun hyung, who had introduced me to such a high-paying part-time job and yet could not even get a comfortable meal of meat out of me.

The call ended with hyung’s last words, “I’ll be in touch then.” I looked down at the phone for a moment, the owner of the voice that had made me smile for a little while now gone.

Taejun hyung. In a childish and naive past, I had even wanted to add something like a heart after his name, which I had saved so plainly. I had even secretly tried it a couple of times in the dead of night when I could not sleep, but I deleted it right away. I was afraid someone would see it, and more than anyone, I was afraid he would see it. And in the first place, I was not brazen enough to do such an embarrassing thing.

But the fever I had suffered at that age must have been stronger than my embarrassment in the end. I chuckled and looked at the group name of the contact designated as ‘♡’. Only one person, Taejun hyung, was in that group. I really… I must have really been unable to control my feelings for him back then.

Now it is just a trace more useless than a faded photograph. I should change the group name. No, I do not even need to have him in a separate group in the first place. Just as I was about to lift my finger to delete the group, the phone rang again. This time, it was Jeonghee.
Is today a day of welcome calls one after another? I answered the phone with a smiling face.

“Jeonghee. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

—Oppa.

However, Jeonghee’s voice was the complete opposite of Taejun hyung’s. As soon as I heard his voice, which was more subdued than usual, my heart automatically sank.

“…What’s wrong. Did something happen?”

—Well…

Jeonghee did not continue easily. My heart, which had suddenly started to beat wildly, increased its pace in proportion to the flowing silence. Unable to bear it any longer, I was about to ask again, “What’s wrong,” when Jeonghee spoke.

—Oppa. Could you possibly… lend me about… a million won?

This time, it was my turn to be at a loss for words. Is this what it means to be dumbfounded? The amount of money that came out of Jeonghee’s mouth, a sum I had truly never heard of before, choked me up.

“…What? You… did something happen?”

—No. …Nothing happened, it’s just… I have somewhere I need to use it urgently right now.

Jeonghee had asked me for money several times before. But since he usually covered most of his living expenses by working part-time, he did not often ask me for money unless it was a very urgent matter. I, too, knowing how hard he works, would always give him the money he asked for, no matter how difficult my circumstances were.

The amount was also not that large by other people’s standards. The reason he needed the money was also clear. Just 50,000 won because he did not have enough for food, just 100,000 won because he was short for a major textbook… That much money, I was willing to give even if I had to starve.

But what he asked me for today was an overwhelming amount that had never once come out of Jeonghee’s mouth. Moreover, Jeonghee was now keeping silent about the reason he needed that amount.

“You… You… did something happen?”

—…No.

“Did you cry?”

My voice naturally sharpened. Jeonghee was trying to hide the tearful tone in his voice, but as siblings who had lived together for decades, I could not fail to notice.

“Tell me.”

—……

“Kim Jeonghee. What’s wrong?”

—…If you don’t have the money, then fine. Just hang up.

Click. Unbelievably, the call really disconnected. Holding the phone that had been abruptly hung up, I just stood there with my mouth agape.

Slowly, the back of my head grew hot. I could not even blink, just kept staring down at the phone.

What on earth is going on…?

Something must be wrong. The Jeonghee I know, at least the younger brother I have known until now, is not this kind of person. He has never asked me for this much money, and he would not hide something so tightly and keep silent. Most of all, this was the first time he had been so cold to me.

But whatever had happened, if Jeonghee did not tell me, I had no way of knowing. I was not in a position like someone I know, who could have people follow his sibling’s tail and take pictures, and even choose the amount of information he wanted to know.

It felt like a frustrating lump was blocking my throat. I called again. But no matter how many times it rang, Jeonghee did not answer. I held the phone until the mechanical voice said, ‘The customer is not available…’, then hung up and let out a dry sigh.

What on earth is going on.

I do not know where he is, so I can not go find him, and I can not hear his voice. Then there was only one way for me to find out about Jeonghee’s situation. I opened the banking app with a trembling hand.

I saw the balance, with a few tens of thousands of won precariously tacked on like a tail to the amount Jeonghee had mentioned. I had never had this much money in my bank account before. But the madam had paid me for Jihyuk’s tutoring in advance, unlike Jiwon’s, and I had planned to use half of this amount for my mother’s hospital bills.

That was the kind of money it was.

[1,000,000 won has been transferred to Kim Jeonghee.]

After completing the transfer, I put the phone down on the floor and slumped down weakly. It felt like all my energy had drained out along with the money. It was so hard to earn, why is it so ridiculously easy to spend? I have carried the weight of a life so heavy it could break my back, crossing the desert’s ordeal, but the oasis I have painstakingly reached feels like a mirage.

As soon as I finished the transfer, Jeonghee called me right back.

“…Yeah.”

—Oppa. Thank you. I’ll definitely pay you back. I might be able to pay you back by today.

“Okay. …But, Jeonghee.”

My voice kept trying to lose its strength, but I gritted my teeth. At times like this, I have to keep my wits about me. I spoke in the firmest voice I could muster.

“Tell me why you need this money. I won’t ask now. But when you pay it back, you have to tell me.”

—……

“You promise, right? It was money I was going to use for mom’s hospital bills. So you have to…”

—Okay. I’ll tell you when I pay you back in a few days. Oppa, I’m a little busy right now.

Click, the call was cut off with a heartless sound. With that, our conversation was quickly severed. My faint hope was rendered meaningless, and even after sending all I had, I could not get any information from Jeonghee.

Suddenly, a spicy smell wafted over. On the stove, the ramen was not just boiling, but boiling down. I stared at it listlessly and turned off the heat.

My appetite had vanished, and I did not even think of re-boiling the ramen, just sat down on the floor with a long sigh. Come to think of it, that was probably the last ramen I had in the cupboard.

I closed my eyes, counting the days until I would receive my salary for teaching Jiwon. What was making me more anxious than having to survive for a month on a few tens of thousands of won was the siren that kept blaring fiercely somewhere in my head.

📖

I caught my slightly ragged breath in front of Jihyuk’s door. Even without the arduous journey to get here, I needed a few seconds to compose myself, to calm my heart that was beating faster and faster as I climbed the stairs and reached Jihyuk’s door.

No matter how many times I urged myself on in my mind, the hand that grabbed the doorknob was still frozen like ice. I kept remembering Jihyuk, who had lightly slammed Jiwon against the wall and cursed in a low voice. But what felt even more out of place was Jihyuk’s appearance that day, which had seemed a little more his age.

That day, Jihyuk, who looked like he had just finished showering, had a distinctly different atmosphere. Just as animals look endlessly fragile after being washed and before their fur dries, so did he.

His wet bangs, which had fallen down in a naturally disheveled way, his slightly flushed face, the way he threw and caught the ball like an innocent child, his smiling eyes and mouth.

The reason Jihyuk’s appearance seemed so awkward was because I had never once thought of Jihyuk as a boy of his age. To be seen as a mere nineteen-year-old, Jihyuk was too rough and ferocious. The way he shrewdly used his head, and without hesitation demanded, forced, and extorted what he wanted from the other person was hard to see as the typical behavior of a boy his age.

But that day, his appearance as he played, throwing the ball up and down with sparkling eyes, or the face that smiled sweetly as he told me not to kick him out, felt a little different from usual. It might be a funny thing to say since we are only a few years apart, but to me, Jihyuk’s appearance that day finally seemed like that of a child.

But I inwardly snorted and soon shook off such thoughts. Forget it. What good is that? No matter how he looked that day, in the end, Jihyuk just barged into the lesson that day and tormented me and Jiwon. That is the truth.

He is not a child I can control like Jiwon. So I have to be on my guard.

I squeezed my eyes shut as if chanting a spell, trying to calm my mind in front of his door. I can do it, it is okay. After repeating it several times, I barely managed to knock on the door. The door opened with the sound of rough footsteps.

“Hello. …How have you been?”

“Yes.”

It was a greeting that sounded shabby even as I said it, but there was nothing else I could say. Jihyuk, who was sitting at an angle on his bed as always, looked up at me with a slight smile. He got up and sat down in the chair with a soft thud. Today too, Jihyuk was in a comfortable tracksuit like that time.

I opened my bag and took out the class materials and pencil case. Despite the resolve I had made in front of the door, my finely trembling hands kept fumbling. In the end, I dropped the pencil case while unzipping it. Pens and erasers spilled out from the open gap and scattered messily on the floor.

“Ah…”

I quickly crouched down on the floor and swept the writing utensils together with my hand. The lesson has not even started yet, but it already feels like my energy is being drained. The moment I clutched the gathered pens and put them in the pencil case, I felt a soft touch on my head.

“What are you doing…! I told you not to touch me!”

I flinched and jerked my head up to look above me. At the same time, I slapped away the hand that had touched my head. I was now close enough to touch his calf and body. I could not understand the intention behind his sudden stroking of my head.

“Are you nervous? So much that you’d mess everything up like this before we even start? What are you going to do if you tremble like this when you come to teach.”

Even while unhesitatingly reaching out and stroking his teacher’s head, Jihyuk showed not a shred of guilt. He asks as if he is genuinely curious, with a teasing, playful smile. I glared sharply at Jihyuk and retorted.

“…It’s because of you.”

My sense of injustice outweighed my fear. Just as Jihyuk said, why do I have to tremble like this when I come to teach a student? I felt so wronged and angry about this situation, and I hated this boy. My plea from last time, when I had begged him not to touch me, was nowhere to be found.

But unfortunately, my answer seemed to have given Jihyuk great pleasure rather than a warning. Because Jihyuk laughed out loud with a sound like, Ahaha.

“Ah, teacher…”

What on earth was so funny about my words? I silently glared at Jihyuk. But Jihyuk, without a care for my gaze, laughed cheerfully for a long time. Like a child playing in a field.

“This is why I keep wanting to torment you.”

“Forget it and quickly, this…”

“Teacher.”

Even after laughing for a long time, a calm voice immediately cut me off.

“Do you want me to study quietly today?”

I do not know what he intends by asking this. But as he asked, the smile had already faded from Jihyuk’s face. Looking at his face, which even seemed serious, I nodded as if possessed. I even wanted to add that it was my dearest wish.

“Is…isn’t that obvious?”

“Then I’ll study quietly, but in return.”

Jihyuk’s eyes sparkled ominously.

“You have to grant me one wish too, teacher. How about it?”

I was at a loss for words. The offer he made was clearly what I wanted. Pushed to the limit by the recent events and Jeonghee’s situation, I just wanted to get out of this mansion safely today, without any trouble. I swallowed hard and asked.

“What… what do you want from me? What on earth…”

“I won’t make you do anything weird, so don’t worry.”

His tone was quite generous, but I could not easily answer that I understood. It was natural, considering Jihyuk’s behavior so far. But seeing me still silent, Jihyuk twisted one corner of his mouth up.

“If you don’t want to, then don’t. Then I’ll raise hell like a dog?”

“…Jihyuk.”

“Woo Jiwon is in his room right now. Should I feed you something in front of him? As for what I’ll feed you… hmm.”

The smile on his lips deepened cruelly.

“I’ll have to think about it.”

I remembered Jihyuk’s voice, who had stuffed a banana in my mouth and sneered that I was eating it well. If he were to do something similar in front of Jiwon… Just imagining it made the fine hairs on my body stand on end. Jihyuk’s words did not sound like an empty threat at all. This boy was someone who was more than capable of putting his words into action.

“…No. Let’s just, study quietly. Please…”

I had to throw away my pride, which did not even suit my situation. Especially in front of Jihyuk, pride was truly useless. I just hoped that we would not go to the situation he had just threatened me with. I pleaded with him desperately in a begging tone.

Jihyuk grinned and coolly spread out the materials.

“You promised.”

“……”

After that last word, Jihyuk sat at his desk and studied in silence. There were times when he would shift his posture or twirl his pen, but Jihyuk’s concentration was much higher than I had thought.

This is the first time I have seen him sit still for so long. This new scene felt strange and unfamiliar. Jihyuk, sitting at his desk with a serious expression, solving problems without any bad words or threatening actions. Looking at him, I once again recalled the impression I had before entering, at the door. The feeling that he was like an innocent child.

Time passed faster than I thought. I thought about whether I should be sad or happy and stealthily picked up my pencil case. The tutoring time was almost over, which was definitely good, but the strange condition Jihyuk had mentioned earlier remained.

What will Jihyuk demand of me? What if he makes me do something weird? As time passed, my heart felt stuffy and constricted. It felt like my heart, with a heavy lead weight attached, was pounding. The more it pounded, the more overwhelming and difficult it was.

“I’m done.”