NANOM Ch 3

I shouldn’t keep comparing him with the other students I teach, but perhaps because they lacked much enthusiasm, they often couldn’t concentrate throughout the class and would fidget. At worst, they would sneak glances at their phones. “Ah, teacher. An urgent message came in,” they’d say, and then spend a long time replying in a group chat with their friends.

However, Jiwon never did anything of the sort, so it was actually I who felt a taut tension throughout the class. Except for occasionally thinking of Jiwon’s brother, I too had no time to be lost in other thoughts. This was because Jiwon solved problems quickly, and I had to stand next to him and check the methods he used to solve them, as well as how much time it took.

“Teacher, wasn’t I super fast today?”

Jiwon smiled brightly as he tidied his desk.

“Yes. You were incredibly fast.”

“It’s because I wanted to eat with you quickly, teacher. Hehe.”

“…Is that so?”

In response to his innocent, smiling face, I too gave him a vague smile. There were times when the pure affection this kid showed me felt a bit burdensome, but it was true that as a student, Jiwon was truly lovable. He was a student who made teaching genuinely rewarding.

Led by Jiwon’s hand, I went down to the first floor. Even before we entered the dining room, a delicious smell pervaded the entire house. A loud rumbling sound echoed from my stomach. Could this smell be braised short ribs, perhaps? It was so long ago that I couldn’t even remember when I last had it, but as I thought of the food, I felt ashamed to admit that it seemed like drool might escape my mouth.

“Teacher! This way.”

“Oh, okay.”

He leads me with short, quick steps, looking so excited about something. With my hand still held by Jiwon, I entered the dining room. Two housekeepers who were laying out the finished dishes on the table saw us, wiped their hands on their aprons, and disappeared in the other direction. And I had no choice but to let my jaw drop at the sight that unfolded before my eyes.

On the long table—I don’t even know if you could call it a table in the first place—was an uncountable number of dishes. Perhaps because they were prepared with the assumption that two people would be eating, the amount of food on each plate was small, but the number of dishes seemed to be at least several dozen. It looked like a mealtime for a conglomerate family I had seen in some drama.

Speechless, I stood there blankly and looked up at Jiwon.

“…Wh-what, what is all this…?”

“What? Dinner. I asked them to pay special attention since I’d be eating with you, teacher.”

“Still, to this extent…”

“Teacher, please sit here for now. The food will get cold if we eat late.”

He sat me down in a suitable spot while I was stuttering in astonishment, and Jiwon also sat down facing me. As he picked up the utensils placed on the pristine tablecloth, he naturally gave me a smiling gaze.

“Please eat a lot, teacher. Thank you for agreeing to be my tutor.”

“Oh? Oh… No. I’m the one who’s thankful.”

It still felt like I was dreaming, but I couldn’t just keep making a dazed face at a table where I was being treated to a meal. I carefully picked up my utensils and took a small bite of the seasoned vegetables right in front of me.

The moment I put it in my mouth and chewed, my eyes flew wide open. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten seasoned vegetables. I wasn’t usually a big fan of them, but because I hadn’t had the luxury of buying fresh vegetables and seasoning them myself, it had been quite a while since I’d eaten such fresh greens. As if possessed, I reached for the braised short ribs placed next to them. The tender piece of meat went down my throat before I could even chew it a few times.

“You’re eating well. Teacher, do you like braised short ribs?”

“Oh, ye-es, mmm.”

When I came to my senses, I realized I had a mouthful of meat and was chewing away. And Jiwon, having even put down his own spoon, was watching me with an interested expression. I belatedly felt embarrassed by his harmless gaze, which was full of curiosity. Feeling my neck flush red, I put down my spoon and chopsticks.

“Ah, sorry… I was just eating without saying anything.”

“Not at all. It’s a meal, after all. Seeing you eat so well makes me feel good too.”

Jiwon had a proud look on his face, as if he were watching his own child eat well. Feeling a little embarrassed for no reason, I picked at the vegetables in front of me with my chopsticks, moving at a much slower pace than before. I felt like I had been eating like a pig while he was so composed.

Just then, Jiwon’s hand, holding chopsticks, suddenly approached before my eyes. Jiwon’s chopsticks, which had picked up a piece of boneless meat, were heading toward my rice bowl.

“Please eat a lot, teacher.”

“Huh? …Oh.”

I blinked slowly. Does one normally pick up meat for their tutor and place it in their rice bowl… Do they go that far? Are all rich people this kind, or is he just particularly so? Feeling a bit confused, I just stared blankly at the meat placed on top of my rice.

Then, this time, a new piece of meat that I hadn’t touched was picked up by Jiwon’s chopsticks and held out in front of me again. However, this time it wasn’t toward my rice bowl, but right in front of my face.

“Teacher, try this too. I don’t think you’ve had this one yet.”

“Huh? Oh, no, I, I’ll eat it myself…”

At that moment, the air stirred ominously.

The rough smell of a man’s sweat wafted from close by. The body odor, mixed with the sharp scent of cologne I had smelled many times before, felt like it was viciously clawing at the air all by itself. In that instant, even without turning my head, I felt like I knew. Who had come here.

Jiwon’s hand, which had been holding out a piece of meat toward me, froze just as it was. I slowly turned my stiff neck to look at the entrance of the dining room. Standing there, breathing unevenly with his wet bangs, was Woo Jihyuk.

A terribly uncomfortable silence followed for a moment. With eyes that were sufficiently sharp even when loosely relaxed, he slowly scanned over me and Jiwon. And soon, a chuckle, phuh, burst from Jihyuk’s lips.

“Woo Jiwon… What are you doing?”

“Ji, Jihyuk…”

Jiwon’s hand was hastily withdrawn. The piece of meat, dropped from Jiwon’s hand in his panic, landed with a plop onto my rice bowl. Jiwon, looking up at Jihyuk who stood in the doorway with an ashen face, was trembling pitifully. The kid who had been cheerfully and leisurely taking care of me just a moment ago was nowhere to be seen.

Contempt was blatantly mixed in Jihyuk’s crooked gaze as he strode closer. Even though I was sitting here having a meal under the madam’s instructions, my heart began to pound unpleasantly, as if I had come to a place where I was not invited.

Jihyuk, standing next to me, opened his mouth icily.

“What kind of bullshit is this now.”

“……”

“Is it this one this time?”

At Jihyuk’s words, as he pointed at me with an arrogant tilt of his chin, Jiwon was so startled his body flinched. Jiwon even waved his hands, shaking his head in a flurry.

“Jihyuk, that’s not, not it… He’s, just my teacher… so we’re having a meal, together…”

“Shut your mouth, you fucking slut.”

The atmosphere, as if doused with cold water by the harsh curse, sank. The mood, which I thought had already hit rock bottom, seemed to be burrowing deep into the earth.

It was a completely incomprehensible situation. I held my breath and looked back and forth between Jihyuk and Jiwon in silence. The anger he was showing was too extreme to be just about sharing a meal. Why on earth is this kid acting like this… Does he not like that I’m sitting here eating? If not that, then what is the reason for this.

“I see you’re feeding your teacher directly? Is that what a teacher is to you?”

Jihyuk taunted with a sharp tone as he slowly approached the table. Just his shadow falling over him was enough to make Jiwon squeeze his eyes shut and shrink back. Looking down at such a Jiwon, Jihyuk let out a hollow laugh.

“Bullshit. Why even study? Just become an actor. You’re fucking good at acting.”

“Jihyuk…”

In the meantime, his reddened eyes looked on the verge of tears. With a face so pitiful it would make anyone’s heart ache, Jiwon stammered and pleaded with Jihyuk.

“Le-let’s not do this. Later… let’s talk, just us. Okay? Our teacher… might be very startled…”

“That damn teacher, teacher, fuck…”

His fed-up tone cut off Jiwon’s words heartlessly. Jihyuk, who had been scanning the table as if in disgust, suddenly raised one eyebrow slightly. An unreadable smile slowly spread across his lips.

With a scraping sound, Jihyuk pulled out a chair and sat down, surprisingly, right next to me.

“This is fun. Let’s watch the teacher and student have a nice meal together.”

At Jihyuk’s bombshell of a statement, Jiwon’s eyes widened.

“Jihyuk, Jihyuk…”

“Ma’am.”

At Jihyuk’s low call, one of the housekeepers I had seen earlier came running immediately.

“Please give me a bowl of rice, too. I’m hungry after working out.”

“Ah, y-yes. Okay.”

Jihyuk looked up at the housekeeper with his arm propped on the table and smiled brightly. The housekeeper, hastily lowering her eyes, scurried to the rice cooker. Come to think of it, on this wide table, there were only many side dishes, but rice bowls and utensils for only two people.

The face of Jiwon, whom I glanced at, was miserably distorted. With an expression that looked like he would burst into tears at any moment, he sat silently with his head bowed.

I was just as unwelcoming of Jihyuk’s sudden intrusion. However, as things stood, I had no right to say anything to Jihyuk.

If this were during class, I could have used my authority as a teacher to order him to leave, but it wasn’t class time now. I couldn’t possibly tell Jihyuk, the son of this house, that I didn’t want to have a meal with him. Besides, he said he was hungry after working out; how could I tell him not to eat and to leave?

Soon, a bowl of steaming hot rice and a set of utensils were placed in front of Jihyuk.

“Teacher.”

Jihyuk’s smirking gaze turned toward me. Tense from Jihyuk’s scent that suddenly wafted from beside me, I was fidgeting with my hands and replied in a helpless voice, “Uh, yes?”

“Please eat a lot.”

“Oh… Tha… thank you.”

Jihyuk, who had kindly encouraged me, didn’t even pick up his utensils, contrary to his claim of being hungry. He just rested his chin on the table and stared intently at me. His sharp and weary gaze poured down, rummaging through my insides. My appetite plummeted to the abyss.

It felt like a dream that I had been eating comfortably in a friendly atmosphere until now. Honestly, I wanted to put down my utensils and leave this place right away. There was no way anything would go down my throat in this situation. However, if I were to put down my utensils here, I felt that the atmosphere, which couldn’t get any worse, would head for complete catastrophe.

I had no choice but to force myself to pick up my utensils. Jiwon, who was sitting there with a pale face, turned his blank gaze toward me. Then, Jihyuk’s mockery immediately followed.

“Woo Jiwon. Why aren’t you feeding him.”

“……”

“Do it like you did before. I said I want to watch.”

“Jihyuk… stop… let’s just stop. Our teacher… seems uncomfortable…”

Jiwon, unable to bear it any longer, protested in a small voice. However, Jiwon’s words were not able to finish. Jihyuk hadn’t knocked over any food or a water cup on the table; he had merely frowned slightly. Yet, Jiwon’s mouth automatically shut.

Jihyuk’s eyes, which had shown a look of weariness, suddenly took on a playful glint as if he had thought of something.

“Really? Then.”

“……”

“I guess I’ll have to feed you. So our Woo Jiwon’s teacher can eat his meal comfortably.”

At the incomprehensible words, Jiwon and I just sat there blankly. In the meantime, Jihyuk’s chopsticks reached for a side dish placed in front of me. After picking up a random item, Jihyuk held the side dish out in front of my face. It was in the exact same position as when Jiwon had held his out earlier.

“Open up, teacher.”

For a moment, my lips trembled. What made me falter more than his domineering tone was the content of his words.

“…What?”

“Your mouth. You have to open it to eat.”

In front of my blankly opened mouth was a side dish that looked like egg. Behind it, I could see Jihyuk’s face, smiling as if he found this amusing.

Only then did my ears begin to burn hotly. What on earth was I supposed to do with this kid, who was laughing to himself after throwing a vile joke at me? I felt like a novice tamer facing a ferocious beast in a cage.

“…Why on earth, why are you doing this.”

I barely managed to pull out a voice that kept trying to shrink away.

“I’ll eat on my own…”

“Teacher.”

Jihyuk cut me off. His voice was thick with displeasure.

“Why do you eat what Woo Jiwon gives you, but not what I give you?”

Jihyuk’s brow furrowed menacingly in an instant.

Get a grip. I clenched my fists, which were slick with cold sweat. I remembered the promise I made when I first entered this house. That I would no longer be played by a child’s antics.

I didn’t know what kind of grudge this kid had against Jiwon to be acting this way, but to put it coldly, it was none of my business. Meaning, there was no need for me to get involved and be flustered. Having made up my mind firmly, I stared straight at Jihyuk.

“Cut it out. What is this behavior, since last time. I’m uncomfortable when you do this.”

“Tea-teacher…!”

Jiwon called out to me with a face that looked like he was about to faint, trembling all over. Although he couldn’t continue speaking, his face pale, it was clear he was trying to stop me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t understand the trembling Jiwon. However, at this point, I too was beyond uncomfortable and was even dumbfounded. The one being rude right now was clearly Jihyuk. So wasn’t it okay for me to say at least this much? I was about to open my mouth again.

“Ah. So… because I’m not your student, you won’t eat what I give you, is that it?”

I closed my mouth at the unexpected tone mixed in Jihyuk’s voice. His voice was like an icy wind, and his eyes stared at me coldly. He seemed to be in a considerably foul mood.

“That’s not it…”

“I, who don’t have a teacher, can’t even fucking eat because I’m so miserable.”

Jihyuk threw his spoon down as if tossing it aside. The clean spoon, which hadn’t touched a single bite of rice, was flung down with a clatter.

“Eat a lot, teacher.”

Leaving those words behind, Jihyuk stood up from his seat. As if he had never come and thrown a tantrum, he walked away with unlingering steps and left the dining room.

“……”

“……”

And we were left in silence.

The warm steam that had been rising from the food had long since cooled. I could see the spoon flung amidst the neatly arranged dishes. It had unfortunately landed in the soup bowl, and the splashed broth was messily spattered on the table.

With a heavy heart, I kept my gaze on the stains dotted on the tablecloth and the pieces of meat. I didn’t have the heart to raise my head and look at Jiwon. Just then, a thin voice came from across the table.

“…I’m sorry. Teacher.”

Jiwon’s face, with his eyes cast down, looked incredibly sad. I hastily waved my hands.

“No. What do you have to be sorry for.”

“But still…”

What could this kid possibly have to apologize to me for right now? The crime of having a brute for a brother? To blame him for such a crime, the hurt he must have received in this situation seemed far too great. As I was about to shake my head again to say it was nothing, Jiwon continued gloomily.

“Teacher. If you’ve lost your appetite… you can stop eating. You’ll get indigestion if you force yourself.”

The image of his face, happy like a child just a moment ago about having a meal with me, was vivid in my mind. Forcing a bright smile, I picked up the chopsticks I had put down.

“It’s okay. It’s just the two of us now. I can eat comfortably now.”

“Teacher…”

“It’s true. I’m really okay.”

Emotion welled up in his large eyes. This kid, too, I don’t know how he lives with a brother like that, being so soft-hearted. It was meddlesome of me, but a corner of my heart ached for no reason.

“Thank you. You’re just trying to make me feel at ease…”

“There’s that, but it’s also too delicious to stop eating, what a waste.”

“The kitchen ladies are quite good, aren’t they. Please eat a lot.”

Between the murmuring jokes we exchanged, a comfortable atmosphere once again settled in. Facing Jiwon’s face, which had started to smile again, my stomach, which had been about to get twisted, felt a little more at ease.

Despite the uninvited guest who had barged in and done his best to disturb the meal, Jiwon and I both finished our bowls of rice. After we finished eating, we stood up from the dining room, and I said goodbye to Jiwon with a smiling face.

“Well then, see you again next week.”

“Wait a moment. Let’s go out together.”

“Oh? Oh, it’s fine. I’m okay.”

“I want to walk it off to digest, too.”

Jiwon smiled and naturally grabbed my arm, then let go. In that moment, I felt a strangely chilly sensation and discreetly glanced around. However, apart from a few employees who were shuffling into the dining room to clear the table, no one else was in sight.

It must be my imagination. Maybe because Jihyuk came by earlier, my nerves feel unnecessarily on edge. And well, in a mansion with so many people, it’s possible someone might be looking this way. Trying to think of it lightly, as if brushing dust off my clothes, I matched my steps with Jiwon’s and came out of the annex.

📖

And so, a week had passed since I started tutoring Jiwon again.

During that period, an important event had happened to me. Right after I left Jiwon’s first lesson, I received a notice from the parents of one of my existing students that it would be difficult to continue with the tutoring.

The student’s parents, in a very apologetic tone, told me that their child now wanted to attend a cram school with a friend instead of being tutored. They said that considering the time and their financial situation, it would be difficult to do both tutoring and cram school. As I hung up the phone, I clenched my empty fists with a blank gaze.

If I hadn’t agreed to tutor Jiwon.

To be honest, the lessons with Jiwon themselves weren’t difficult at all, but the act of going in and out of that mansion was, in fact, somewhat burdensome for me.

However, if I had been in a position to be picky about such things, I would not have started in the first place. If you were to ask if I feel the luxurious emotion of humiliation in a desperate situation, I would have nothing to say, but I still had to definitely shed parts of my ego to come back here. I was a guy with nothing but his own body, but I too had a minimum of pride. However, in deciding to take on Jiwon’s tutoring, I shed a significant amount of even that and threw it onto the street.

But the reward came back abundantly. Although I was receiving a lot of support from the state as a medical aid recipient, there was a minimum amount of expenses that I had to handle on my own. However, after I decided to swallow my pride and frequent that house, that problem was almost completely solved. Not only that, but I was also able to afford some leisure in my own life.

At the very least, I could now buy a large-sized iced Americano from a street cafe when I was thirsty, without feeling immense guilt. After mustering the courage to throw away my bag that had a hole in it, I bought a new one, and I even gave Jeonghee some pocket money. These joys, which might seem trivial in others’ eyes, felt endlessly large to me and were what pushed me, bit by bit, into that mansion.
Becoming Jiwon’s tutor was, no matter what anyone said, a stroke of luck.

Despite the major and minor incidents that had occurred in that mansion, I had no choice but to conclude it as such.

However, the moment I had a private meeting with the madam a week after I started teaching Jiwon, I couldn’t help but sense that the peace I had felt for just one week was about to be shattered.

“Mr. Kim.”

“Yes.”

“Our Jiwon is very satisfied. He says he’s gained a lot of confidence in physics, thanks to you.”

“Thank you. Jiwon is doing very well.”

On the surface, the madam’s voice was peaceful. However, my nerves were constantly on edge. Strangely, whenever I came to this mansion, I felt a sort of animalistic instinct sharpen its blade. A gut feeling that the madam hadn’t sat me down here simply to praise me.

“That’s why I’m bringing this up.”

And unfortunately, my premonition was correct.

“Could you perhaps look after Jihyuk as well?”

“…Excuse me?”

A stupid-sounding voice came out of me automatically.

Tutor Jihyuk…? Seeing my expression as I asked back with my mouth foolishly agape, the madam probably realized immediately how surprised I was.

I belatedly tried to compose my emotions and hurriedly closed my gaping mouth, but it was a futile effort. It was because the madam chuckled as she looked at my face. The somewhat sharp feeling of her smile was just like his.

“He looks like he’s built a wall between himself and studying, doesn’t he.”

“…That’s not true, ma’am.”

At my voice, which anyone could tell was spiritless, the madam’s smirk deepened.

“It seems, Mr. Kim, that you’re not very good at hiding your feelings.”

“……”

“To be honest, his skills aren’t that bad, Jihyuk’s.”

My mouth fell open stupidly once again. That was truly unexpected. To be frank, I couldn’t even imagine him sitting properly at a desk, let alone studying.

However, his skill was a secondary issue. Even if Jihyuk were as good at studying as Jiwon, I truly wanted to decline teaching him. I didn’t have the strength to guide him and achieve any goals. That was a fact that had already been determined from our very first meeting.

“But, as you’ve probably felt, Mr. Kim, Jihyuk has a bit of a… rebellious streak toward us. So…”

The end of her sentence trailed off unclearly. And in the madam’s words, I could strangely feel a certain boundary that seemed to be drawn between Jihyuk and his family. Jihyuk was clearly not included in the word ‘us’ inside the fence.

“If you, Mr. Kim… can get Jihyuk to take the exam, and just submit his college applications. I will compensate you properly.”

When I quickly pieced together the madam’s words in my head, it sounded like Jihyuk had some skill, but was deliberately refusing to take the exam out of rebellion against his family.

However, this was actually a more difficult problem. It wasn’t about making a poor student better; how was I supposed to coax and persuade someone who had no intention of taking the exam in the first place to do so? Especially when he was already completely ignoring me.

“But how could I…”

“It’s the first time he’s ever said something like that. That he wants a tutor too. And he specifically pointed you out, Mr. Kim.”

“……”

“When did you and he get so close?”

It was an utterly absurd thing to say. At the truly preposterous words, I once again opened my mouth stupidly. Jihyuk and I got close? Even a passing dog would probably find that too ridiculous to laugh at.

Far from being close, I couldn’t understand his heart at all. He said I got on his nerves. He said he wanted to tear up and chew to pieces everything related to Jiwon. If he wanted to study, he could have found any other tutor who was leaps and bounds better than a mere college student like me. So why on earth did he have to single me out, Jiwon’s tutor, and ask for me…

‘I, who don’t have a teacher, can’t even fucking eat because I’m so miserable.’

Suddenly, the words Jihyuk had spat out in the dining room last week flashed through my mind.

“Does Mr. Kim have some special charm as a teacher? My boys can’t get enough of you.”

The madam said with a light tone and laughed. Naturally, I couldn’t laugh along, but looking at me steadily, the madam made her proposal with leisure.

“Anyway, you’ll do it, won’t you?”

“……”

I couldn’t spit out an answer right away. It wasn’t because I was reluctant to part with the pay that would double if I were to tutor Jihyuk, or the reward I would receive after getting him to take the exam. It was simply that I was not in a position to refuse the madam’s offer.

The madam’s words were a proposal on the surface, but in reality, they were close to a demand. Now that I was making a living with the money from teaching Jiwon, I had no other choice.

The madam probably sensed it faintly as well. Just how destitute my situation was. Even if I wasn’t carrying a bag with a hole in it, there was no way she couldn’t smell the scent of poverty emanating from my entire body. That must be why she was making such a proposal. Even after she saw me locked in the room by Jihyuk last time.

However, the memory of being in that room caught me like a trap, making it difficult to accept the proposal right away. The words he said, that I got on his nerves, and the words he spat out with a contemptuous expression at Jiwon during the meal, flashed by one after another.

At the very least, I had to let the madam know that I was feeling uncomfortable because of him. The madam surely knew it as well, but there would be a huge difference between expressing it with my own mouth and not. That’s why I mustered my courage and opened my mouth.

“W-well, actually… Jihyuk.”

“I understand. He’s a bit… um, intimidating, isn’t he?”

However, the words I had barely managed to utter with courage were heartlessly cut short.

“I’ll give him a stern talking-to. Still, he said he likes you, Mr. Kim, and asked for you himself first, so he won’t do anything too harsh.”

With the madam putting up a firm cushion first, I had nothing more I could say to object.

In truth, if I had really wanted to complain to the madam about Jihyuk’s behavior, I should have laid out every single thing that had happened until now and confessed it all in detail. About all the rude actions, glares, and remarks he had made to me. And about his behavior of unhesitatingly interrupting even my tutoring sessions with Jiwon.

However, I hesitated for a moment and then closed my mouth. The voice of Jeonghee, who had thanked me with a bright smile after receiving pocket money from me a few days ago, suddenly came to mind. As did the moment I settled the hospital bills, which had started to pile up again so soon after he was admitted. All of those things were rewards I had obtained through the madam sitting in front of me.

Besides, I had already refused the madam’s request once before. And it was I who had reversed the decision to come here again. What would happen if I refused her offer once more? Jiwon may want me, but for the madam, it would be nothing to override Jiwon’s will and find him a new tutor.

The one at a disadvantage was me. It couldn’t be helped even if it was servile. That alone was worth enduring Jihyuk.

‘Why do you get on my nerves so much?’

That fierce voice he had spat out was still alive in my ears. The several encounters I’d had with Jihyuk were clearly a warning to me in and of themselves. However, the reality I had to live through right now became a thick blindfold, covering my eyes.

What do moths think as they fly into a fire? Do they fly in knowing that the light that tempts them will eventually consume them, or do they do so without knowing? I have no way of knowing.

However, unlike a moth that can leave unburdened and without any responsibility once its own body dies, a burden too heavy for me to carry with my own strength was placed on my back. That is why I had no choice but to nod my head powerlessly.

📖

I don’t know how long it’s been since it last rained.

What awaited at the end of the tedious heatwave was the rainy season. The news playing said that heavy rain would begin nationwide starting today.

Fortunately, there wasn’t much rainfall on my way to tutoring. But no matter how hard I tried to use the umbrella well, the fine raindrops somehow found their way inside the umbrella and soaked my shoulders. As I looked down at the ground that had started to splash and walked, avoiding the puddles, a low hill soon appeared.

From here, it was only about a one-minute climb to Jiwon’s house. Because I had to transfer between the subway and bus several times to get here, I usually felt my energy naturally return when I reached the start of this hill. Because once I climbed this, I could teach a model student who studies well while eating delicious fruit in a pleasant temperature.

However, my steps climbing the hill today were just heavy and dragging. It wasn’t just because of the rain that was dampening the surroundings.

Today… is the first day I teach Jihyuk.

I let out a gloomy sigh but silently quickened my pace. With each splish-splashing step, small droplets of water jumped up and soaked the cuffs of my pants wrapped around my ankles. I walked up to the front gate of Jiwon’s house, keeping my eyes fixed on the ground and being careful not to get my sneakers wet. These were the only decent sneakers I had, and if they got wet, I had nothing to wear while they dried.

Fortunately, when I arrived in front of the house, my shoes weren’t very wet. It was the moment I was feeling a strange sense of relief and reaching for the bell.

Just before I pressed the bell, a long hand suddenly shot out from behind me. At the same time, my eyes widened at the body odor that wafted over me. His unique scent, now vibrating in my surroundings, announced his presence to me first.

“…H-hi.”

Jihyuk was standing right behind me.

His face as he looked down at me, who was greeting him in an awkward voice, was cool as usual. Without a single word, Jihyuk stood still for a moment, at a distance where our umbrellas touched.

I lowered my head slightly, burdened by his gaze that seemed to pierce right through me. Only the sound of raindrops hitting the surface of my umbrella and shattering echoed loudly in my ears. Every time I breathed, Jihyuk’s sharp yet rough scent pricked the tip of my nose. Perhaps because of the high humidity, the scent felt even more sensitive.

And, unexpectedly, what followed was a small laugh.

“Hello. Teacher.”

“…Yeah.”

Had he ever greeted me this normally before? …Inwardly, I was bewildered, but I nodded my head without saying much. Jihyuk, smiling with his long eyes slightly curved, looked to be in a better mood than I expected.

A Jihyuk like that was rather unfamiliar. I hurriedly tore my eyes away from his face. Suddenly, a scar on the back of his hand holding the umbrella handle caught my eye. Was there a scar there? The scar was faint, as if it were old, but it was a large wound that looked like it would have required at least ten stitches at the time of the injury.

Just then, Jihyuk blurted out.

“I’m allowed to call you ‘teacher’ now too, right?”

“Huh? What do you… mean by that?”

It was a nonsensical thing to say. Among the names Jihyuk had used to refer to me as he pleased were ‘you’ or ‘hey’, ‘that kid’, ‘that thing’, and so on. I couldn’t understand his intention in seeking my permission all of a sudden.

The corner of Jihyuk’s mouth twisted up slightly.

“You’re not just teaching Woo Jiwon anymore.”

“……”

“You’re my teacher too. Right?”

In the end, it was sarcasm. The lingering resentment from what happened at the dining room last time was clearly present. His voice, though speaking sharply, nonetheless had a somewhat excited air to it. For the first time, it hit me that Jihyuk was younger than me.

I bit my lip and nodded my head. Jihyuk, who let out a chuckle, finally extended his long finger and placed it on the front door’s keypad.

“How gracious of you. To be my teacher now.”

Zzing, the door, having completed the fingerprint recognition, opened. Unable to find a reply, I was still standing there. I actually knew how to deal with it when he spoke to me informally or sneered at me, but when this kid came at me like this, I didn’t know what to say.

Jihyuk gestured with his eyes at me, who was standing still.

“Let’s go in.”

“Oh… yeah.”

It felt somewhat awkward to walk with Jihyuk on the path I had always walked alone. Was it because he wasn’t in the sweat-drenched sportswear or training clothes I had seen so many times? The sight of him wearing light-colored jeans and a white t-shirt felt different.

Despite his casual attire, he carried a natural dignity, as if he were the master of this vast house. His arrogant and confident expression and gait did not suit his nineteen years of age at all.

I crossed the well-kept garden with Jihyuk. A light fog had settled over the small lake in the garden, whose greenery had deepened thanks to the rain. The ducks were nowhere to be seen, perhaps resting in their own separately prepared house.

We entered the annex side by side. On the staircase I was used to climbing, it felt strange to turn right instead of left. It felt as if the door at the very end of the left hallway would fly open at any moment and Jiwon would come out, calling, “Teacher!”

As I recalled that face that had greeted me with a bright smile, my stomach churned for some reason. Feeling like a cow being dragged to a slaughterhouse, I followed Jihyuk to the room at the very end of the right hallway.

Get a grip. They say if you keep your wits about you, you can survive even if a tiger drags you away.

Alone, I steeled my resolve grimly and followed Jihyuk to the front of his door. The moment Jihyuk flung the door open, his strong body odor and unique scent wafted out. It was a completely different kind of smell from the cozy scent that wafted from Jiwon’s room. My feet automatically hesitated at the doorway.

Looking down at me, Jihyuk tilted his head slightly.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“…No, I’m coming in.”

Jihyuk let out a hollow chuckle as he watched me enter the room with a tense expression, as if I were entering a beast’s cage. The emotion in his eyes was clear. Pity. I felt I knew all too well how he was looking at me, who was clutching my bag strap tightly and swallowing dryly just from entering a student’s room.

But it couldn’t be helped. The teacher who had boldly initiated a battle of wills with Jihyuk during their first meeting was nowhere to be seen. The me of now was merely a twenty-two-year-old young head of a household who had taken an unwilling step forward solely for the sake of survival.

“…Shall we sit down for now? I printed out a few things just in case.”

I spoke in a deliberately composed tone to try and break the awkward and uncomfortable atmosphere. As I took the printouts from my bag, I quickly scanned Jihyuk’s desk and the inside of his room.

The atmosphere was completely different from Jiwon’s room, which was decorated in calm tones to enhance concentration. The room, decorated in gray tones, suited the owner’s atmosphere well. It felt more desolate than calm.

Compared to Jiwon’s room, which was meticulously decorated with a bookshelf filled with countless books, an ergonomically designed desk and chair, and a clear separation between the study space and resting space, Jihyuk’s room was overly simple.

The bed was immediately visible upon opening the door, and next to the door was a wide desk. There was so little on the desk that it looked desolate. On the huge built-in cabinet next to it, only a few books were placed without any warmth. Even so, the workbooks and reference books caught my eye, and for the first time, I truly felt that Jihyuk was a student.

Jihyuk, who had plopped down on the chair in front of the desk, looked up at me as I scanned the room with tense eyes and chuckled.

“How is it, my room?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been looking around the room instead of at me since you got here.”

“Ah, that… sorry.”

I ran my tongue over my parched lips and fumbled to open my bag, holding out the printouts to Jihyuk. It was the moment I was taking my pencil case out of my bag and about to sit on my designated chair next to Jihyuk’s desk.

“Then this first…”

“Teacher.”

Jihyuk’s words cut mine off mercilessly.

“Your family is poor, right, teacher?”

I was appalled at the words that suddenly dropped like a nuclear bomb.

I raised my head and first examined Jihyuk’s face. Even while saying such incredibly rude words, there was not a trace of apology or playfulness in Jihyuk’s eyes.

It was simply curiosity. That’s what filled those chillingly emotionless pupils.

Of course, I hadn’t expected Jihyuk to suddenly become a docile student and obediently take my lesson. Still, this was too much for a first meeting. I lowered my face, which was beginning to flush red with shame and anger, and tried my best to remain calm. I felt hot steam escaping from my ears.

Endure it. He’s just a clueless kid. That’s why he’s spouting this nonsense. He’s just trying to pull a low-class prank like last time. So let’s not get hurt… I kept repeating this to myself and barely managed to open my mouth.

“…That’s a little unpleasant to hear. Rather, solve this first…”

“I was just wondering how poor you are to come here to teach me with a face like that.”

In the end, the patience I had barely been holding onto ran out. I had been playing tug-of-war with survival at stake, but in the end, I too was only three years older than Jihyuk, whom I had dismissed as ‘just a kid’. I thought I had shed many parts of myself before coming here, but it seemed that my paltry pride still remained more than I thought.

Wook, anger flared up hotly. I clenched my fists and questioned him in a rather agitated tone.

“What does that have to do with you? …Whether I’m poor or whatever, weren’t you the one who asked to call me teacher?”

As I spoke, it became difficult to control the welling sense of sorrow. I wanted to scold Jihyuk in a teacher-like and dignified manner so that he could never say such things again.

But the unfortunate fact was that I was incomparably weaker in a fight than Jihyuk. Unlike Jihyuk, who was intimidating even when he was just still, the more angry I got, the more I couldn’t speak logically and would just tremble. If my emotions got even more extreme… I would sometimes burst into tears disgracefully.

Just imagining it was the worst. The moment I pictured myself crying like a child in front of Jihyuk, it was so absurd that a small, bitter laugh escaped me. Fortunately, thanks to that, I was able to avoid actually enacting that worst-case scenario.

“If you came here to earn money, then fix your expression, teacher.”

The corners of Jihyuk’s mouth lengthened. My trembling form, shaken by anger and shame, seemed to have piqued his interest instead.

“…It’s true I came because I need money. But I came here as your teacher, not your friend. So you too…”

“Teacher.”

Jihyuk cut me off with a bored expression.

“I like a teacher who listens well.”

“……”

“Not a teacher who preaches with a fucking look on his face like you are now.”

What he wanted was excessively clear. I knew he wouldn’t have called for me with pure intentions. But I didn’t know he would say so explicitly that he had called me to be his toy.

Unconsciously, I gripped the strap of the bag I had placed behind me. My hands trembled with anger and bewilderment. Tutoring be damned, I imagined cursing this kid out refreshingly and then storming out of this room.

However, reality was on Jihyuk’s side, who was looking at me with eyes that seemed to say I was pathetic. My feet, as if frozen, were still unable to leave this room.

“Didn’t you decide to tutor because you needed money?”

“……”

“Sit down. Don’t show your useless pride. Just sit here quietly, get your money, and leave. Is that so hard?”

Every word he spat out in a low voice scratched mercilessly at my heart. My eyes automatically grew hot at the more concrete and visible humiliation than any I had ever received in my life.

Should I say I can’t do it, even now?

I really don’t have the confidence. My vision was already growing distant.

If I really run out saying I can’t do it. What would happen then?

My pride would at least be relieved. That I was glad I didn’t throw away the last shred of self-respect a person should have. That even if things are difficult, let’s at least try to live like a human being. That rather than making money despicably while hearing things like this from a kid who’s not even that much younger than me, let’s just take the long way around and live like a human.

But, after that lonely and empty self-consolation ends.

What’s left after that?

My mother, who will still be lying in a hospital bed. The hospital bills that must be paid accordingly. Jeonghee. Rent. The bag I threw away because it had a hole, and… the iced Americano I won’t be able to drink again.

Those things came to mind one after another. And after that, the calculation was finished with absurd speed. I slowly released the strength from my fist, which I had been clenching hard enough to crush it. What’s the point of this? No matter how hard I clench it, it’s just an empty fist that holds nothing.

Slowly and powerlessly, I sat down on the chair. A low laugh burst from Jihyuk.

“You’ve made a good decision.”

“……”

“You look like you’re about to cry any second now.”

With the sound of a small click of his tongue, a sharp scent rushed at me from an excessively close distance. The sound of a low chuckle made my ears ring dizzily. The fine hairs on my cheek, where Jihyuk’s fingers had touched and passed, stood on end. My back automatically flinched and my body jerked.

“…Do-don’t touch me!”

Startled, I slapped away the finger that was brushing my cheek. The firm back of his hand was hot. I shuddered at the surprisingly high body temperature and scooted back in my chair.

“Do-don’t touch me carelessly. That much… please respect that much.”

I almost added the word please. I wasn’t even aware that I was making a reasonable request. Seeing my expression as I begged him desperately, Jihyuk smiled in a way that seemed unusually pleased.

“Alright. I’ll do that for you today.”

“……”

Did that mean he would try to touch me again next time? The moment I was about to ask that, Jihyuk’s eyes shone with interest.

“In return, you have to do what I want too, teacher. How about it?”

“…What… what do I have to do?”

“It’s no fun if I tell you beforehand.”

His face as he said that, lowering his eyes and smiling, was chilling. He raised his glittering gaze again and made a call to someone on his phone.

I have no idea what this kid wants from me. Squeezing out my courage, I opened my mouth.

“…What, what do I have to do. What on earth do you want from me…”

“Just stay still for a bit. Did I say I was going to beat you up or something?”

At the annoyed retort, I finally shut my mouth. Right, he probably wouldn’t throw me out the window or anything like that. Feeling half-resigned, I placed my fists neatly on my knees. Still, I couldn’t suppress my tense demeanor, and as I was just wiggling my toes inside my socks, the door opened quietly.

A housekeeper came in, placed down a tray filled with all sorts of fruits, and went back out. There were also two glasses of juice made from freshly blended fruit. I just blinked my eyes and looked at Jihyuk.

Jihyuk picked up a fork that was on the tray. The fork looked as small as a child’s toy compared to his long hands. Jihyuk, having speared a squarely cut piece of mango, stared straight at me.

“Ah.”

“…Huh?”

This situation, with a mango in front of my eyes, felt strangely familiar. Back then, it wasn’t a mango, what was it…

“You’ve forgotten already? I said to open up.”

“……”

“Your mouth.”

A hint of annoyance was mixed into his languid voice again. As I parted my lips slightly in a fluster, the mango speared on the tea fork slid into my mouth as if it had been waiting. A sweet fragrance quickly spread inside my mouth.

What is he doing right now.

The bewilderment followed a beat later. However, there was something more bewildering than the fact that Jihyuk had fed me fruit.

Even though I had docilely accepted the mango, Jihyuk showed no intention of pulling the tea fork out of my mouth. The small-sized tea fork, simply decorated with gold, slowly pressed down on my tongue. The sharp tip wasn’t piercing my tongue, but the pressure was enough to be felt pressing down on my entire tongue.

Afraid I might get poked by the tea fork that was pressing on my tongue as skillfully as a doctor, I couldn’t even move my head properly. With a dazed heart, I just kept blinking my wide-open eyes endlessly.

At that, the corners of Jihyuk’s mouth stretched to the side once again. His eyes, which had been frozen solid, finally held a smile. Eyes that felt no warmth at all, even while smiling. It was a gaze filled only with interest.

“Hhup…”

The tip of the sharp fork slowly pressed down and mashed the mango that was on my tongue. The dizzyingly sweet pulp was crushed on my tongue, and saliva began to be secreted in excess. It felt as if the saliva mixed with the mango juice would drool right out of my mouth if I wasn’t careful. I urgently raised my hand and fumbled to grab Jihyuk’s wrist.

“Th-is… sto…op.”

My pronunciation was slurred and muffled. Jihyuk, who had been moving his hand slowly and staring at me intently as if conducting an important experiment, finally pulled the fork slowly out of my mouth.

Even though he hadn’t grabbed my throat, I felt strangely out of breath. I panted for the breath that had unnecessarily built up and glared at Jihyuk. As the tension eased, a sense of injustice and bewilderment washed over me at the same time.

“What on earth is this, what are you…”

“Teacher.”

Jihyuk’s fork was now stuck in a soft banana.

“Eat this too.”

“Why, why are you giving me this…”

“Hmm… Because it’s soft?”

Even though he must know I wasn’t asking why he was feeding me a banana. Jihyuk, who had answered with an indifferent expression, once again speared a banana with the fork.

“It’s fun when it mashes up well.”

Even though it was a child’s low-quality prank, there was a strange power to Jihyuk’s words. For some reason, I felt that if I didn’t follow his words, something terrible would happen.

Jihyuk’s way of treating me was similar to hunting. Like when catching fish in a stream, herding the fish into a corner, blocking their escape route, and then catching them all at once, that kind of method.

The look in his eyes and his aura were closer to that of a beast of prey than a child catching fish in a stream, but the reason I specifically thought of children playing by the stream was that Jihyuk’s gaze as he played pranks on me was just like a child who had found an interesting toy.

He’s not catching and trampling the opponent for survival. It’s solely to enjoy the reaction of the opponent who holds their breath and trembles. That powerlessness of being unable to do anything but be shaken when he grabs one’s windpipe and shakes it.

That’s why I had no choice but to fall into a state of intense self-loathing even as I obediently opened my mouth and accepted the banana as Jihyuk said. I found this situation absurd, ridiculous, and felt like an idiot myself. Myself, who couldn’t disobey a mere tutoring student and was docilely opening my mouth and being fed fruit.

Regardless of my rotting insides, Jihyuk fed me the banana with even a faint smile on his face. Just like the mango, the mind-bogglingly sweet fruit was mashed up in my mouth again. Unusually, Jihyuk didn’t just give me the fruit and docilely pull out the fork. Just like a moment ago when he gave me the mango, he kept pressing and mashing the fruit inside my mouth with the fork.

The fully ripe and soft pulp was mercilessly crushed by Jihyuk’s fork-work. Just like a dentist performing a delicate procedure, Jihyuk concentrated on the task with eyes that held a faint heat. Later, he even lightly held my chin with one hand.

I was still stupidly holding my mouth slightly open, enduring Jihyuk’s antics inside my mouth, and the most I could do was swallow the fruit, which had been crushed beyond recognition, down my throat.

What on earth is this?

This situation was truly absurd, but perhaps because the bewilderment had gone beyond a certain point. I sat there blankly without running out of the room. While I was trying to understand this situation by rotating my mind, which had become dull from the shock, Jihyuk fed me different kinds of fruit with a joyful expression.

The only fortunate thing in the midst of that situation was that Jihyuk’s prank was surprisingly delicate, so it wasn’t painful or particularly uncomfortable.

“How is it. Is it delicious?”

A smiling face, as if he found it amusing, his eyes shining. It seemed that Jihyuk’s mood gradually improved in proportion to how docilely I opened my mouth.

Jihyuk’s face, which was excessively close, was burdensome. However, since I couldn’t bring myself to turn my head, I chose to just cast my gaze downward. The entire situation, where the scent of fruit, Jihyuk’s sharp cologne, and his body odor mixed and pricked my nose, felt like a hazy hallucination.

Jihyuk’s neck and chest came into my slanted, downcast view. The sturdy physique, sending out powerful, hot beats, was incomparably more developed than mine. On his wrist was a watch of an excessively expensive brand for a mere nineteen-year-old to wear, but it didn’t feel over the top.

Right now, I am inferior to this kid in every aspect.

That was the very reason I had no choice but to be powerlessly fed fruit.

“Ah… you eat well.”

How much did I eat? Jihyuk, who had finally put down the fork, grinned. The plate, which had been lavishly set with all sorts of fruit, was already half empty. My stomach was so full it felt like it was boiling.

“Are you starting to feel like eating what I give you now?”

“……”

“Last time, you said you couldn’t eat it because I wasn’t your student.”

For a moment, I was at a loss for words. Could it be that he was still holding a grudge over that incident from last time? Was it such a upsetting thing that I had eaten what Jiwon gave me but not what he gave me? …It was absurd.

“I’m asking you. Are you starting to feel like it now.”

My chest felt tight. The fruits had all been mashed and had gone down my throat. Even though there was nothing that could get stuck in my throat, I felt a pain as if I had indigestion. I unconsciously clutched my solar plexus and frowned.

However, the persistent gaze fixed on me showed no sign of being withdrawn. I had a gut feeling that this kid would torment me until I gave him an answer. I looked at his eyes with difficulty and nodded my head. Right now, this situation itself was overwhelming. It might seem like avoidance, but I just, for now… I wanted to let it pass.

Watching me nod my head powerlessly, Jihyuk slowly curved his eyes into a smile.

“Let’s get along from now on. Teacher.”

📖

As soon as I got off the bus and ran into the subway station, I once again stuck my head into the toilet. Even though I had thrown up once at the mansion earlier, my stomach was still churning.

A hollow laugh burst out even as I was vomiting. I didn’t usually get to eat fruit unless I was going to tutoring. I wanted to kill myself for feeling like an idiot for thinking it was a waste to be vomiting it up without digesting it.

I knew clearly where I had to go, my destination. However, I had no idea how to reach that final stop. It felt as if someone had pushed me into a pitch-black cave without a single point of light and was mocking me to find my own way out.
Can I do well?

Will I be able to handle him?

I blinked my eyes hard to brush away the tears that had blurred my vision from vomiting. Completely exhausted, I squatted down, leaning against the closed stall door.

Having just taught Jihyuk and come out felt like a dream, yet it also felt excessively real. A terribly horrific and burdensome reality that I had to carry all by myself.

I exhaled a hot breath and covered my face with both hands. From my breath, the foul smell of stomach acid and the sickeningly sweet scent of the fruit wafted out at the same time. A hollow laugh escaped for no reason.

‘Teacher,’

‘……’

‘Do you think you can teach like this?’

‘…Yeah. Of course… I have to.’

Jihyuk, who had been feeding me fruit for a long time, threw down his fork as if tossing it aside. I answered with forced composure, but as he said, my solar plexus was clenched as hard as a rock.

It seemed the fruit I had eaten had settled in my stomach undigested. My hands and feet were already as cold as ice, and cold sweat had even begun to form on my forehead. Jihyuk, staring at me like that, raised the corner of his lip. As if to say, let’s see how long you can last.

‘Putting on a brave front. Our teacher.’

‘…Tha-that, let’s quickly solve… that.’

My lips trembled. I almost added the word please. Jihyuk, who was looking at me with cold eyes, surprisingly picked up his pen docilely. Just as the madam had said that he wasn’t without skill, Jihyuk solved the problems quickly.

Jihyuk’s style of solving problems was unique enough to draw one’s attention. Unlike Jiwon, whose style was to derive the answer by listing formulas perfectly in neat handwriting, leaving no room for refutation, Jihyuk set up his equations roughly and sparsely, much like his personality.

However, what he wrote down was invariably the correct answer. He seemed more accustomed to flashing intuition than to logic and persuasion. It wasn’t a good style for striving for perfection, but I kept my mouth shut and watched Jihyuk solve the problems. After all, today was the first day.

In the meantime, my stomach began to twist and churn more and more. I squirmed and wiped away the cold sweat that had formed on my forehead. The only thought in my mind was that I wanted to run out and throw up.

Jihyuk, who had been solving problems with his back straight, glanced at me once more and then threw his pen on the desk as if flinging it.

‘Go. Home.’

‘Huh? B-but it’s only been 20 minutes…’

‘Just go when I tell you to go. Should I feed you more fruit?’

For me, who was squirming and barely holding my spot next to him, I no longer had the luxury to put on a brave front, as he had put it. I hurriedly packed my things and ran out of the room without being able to say a proper goodbye. Just before I opened the door and left, I heard Jihyuk’s low voice telling me to use the bathroom on the first floor, next to the sparring room.

I rushed down to the first floor frantically and opened the door Jihyuk had mentioned. The expensive fruits, which had lost their form and turned into juice, were not absorbed into my body at all and were poured straight into the toilet bowl. And as if that wasn’t enough, I was now throwing up once more in the subway station bathroom.

It’s pathetic. Utterly pathetic. From accepting his tutoring, to what happened during the lesson, and even up to the end of the lesson. Nothing had gone according to my own will.

As a teacher, I was unqualified. In fact, I knew that from the beginning. That I didn’t have the guts to teach him. And yet, I had set foot in Jihyuk’s space myself, trying to earn money one way or another.

“Haa…”

Staggering out of the bathroom, I took out my phone. I wanted to hear my mother’s or Jeonghee’s voice. The reason I thought of their voices in this situation was not to get comfort from a snippet of my family’s voice. It was childish, but if I didn’t remind myself of the responsibility I was carrying like this, I felt like I would really quit right away.

I thought of two people, but there was only one person I could call. The signal tone rang several times, and Jeonghee belatedly answered the phone.

—Oh? Oppa.

“Yeah… It’s me.”

—What’s up?

Jeonghee’s slightly prim and indifferent voice was a little disappointing. What’s up… He’s asking something he’s never asked before. I forced a bright tone while smiling bitterly.

“Check your bank account. You said you needed money to buy books.”

—I already checked. I said 100,000 won, but how did you send 200,000… What’s going on?

“It’s nothing. I got my tutoring payment.”

—……

“Why. Afraid your older brother is out doing something strange?”

Saying that, I tried my best to laugh heartily. That laugh was also a desperate form of self-consolation. Although I went to teach and couldn’t even conduct a proper lesson and came back after being fed fruit by a student like a caged animal, that was just… a harsh hazing from a mischievous student, I tried my best to soothe myself that way.

—No, that’s not it. I was just wondering where you suddenly got this kind of money…

“I started a new tutoring job. I’m in charge of both brothers there, and the pay is substantial. So I have a bit of leeway, so don’t worry and just study.”

Compressing the events of the past few weeks into a single sentence made it feel newly futile. Saying it like this made it feel like it was really no big deal.

—Studying, well… I’m doing it on my own.

“You have to show me your grades later.”

—Ah, really. Are you going to be like a nagging old man?

There was a rare hint of irritation in Jeonghee’s words. Jeonghee had never whined to me to this extent before, so I was a little flustered. I readjusted my grip on the phone with my sweaty palm and laughed awkwardly.

“…You used to show me everything when you were in high school. I was playing the role of a dad…”

—But I’m an adult now too.

Tapping my transit card and crossing over to the other side, I readjusted my bag. I had to somehow laugh it off like an older brother at Jeonghee’s voice coming from over the phone. Don’t get upset over something like this. Right, this kid, strictly speaking… is an adult now.

“…Right. Then you don’t have to show me, but anyway, you have to do well on your exams…”

—I got it. Oppa, I’m at my part-time job now. I’m hanging up!

A futile sigh escaped me as I looked down at the phone that had been abruptly disconnected before I could even say a proper goodbye.

Although I wasn’t his parent, I had been playing the role of Jeonghee’s parent all this time. While raising my younger brother, who was barely younger than me, there was something I had wished for since long ago. It might seem like an absurdly extravagant wish for our circumstances, but it was to raise Jeonghee normally, like other people.

The adults, including Taejun-hyung, had said it. That Jeonghyun had grown up too fast. Hearing those words, I thought. I don’t want to raise Jeonghee like that.

So isn’t this actually a good thing? Whining like kids his age. When I thought of it that way, the futile sigh that had escaped me transformed into a hollow laugh. I tried letting out a chuckle, but it felt utterly empty.

In any case, it’s not like Jeonghee can remain my cute little brother forever. As he said, Jeonghee is an adult now. I had to accept the fact that, unlike before, there were now parts of him that I couldn’t touch.

Still, it seems I can’t help but feel a corner of my heart grow empty. With a bitter heart, I stared blankly at the subway entering the platform. The subway came to a halt with a sound that seemed to tear at my ears.

If I had my way, I would have wanted to escape into sleep to forget everything that happened today. However, with the final exams not far off, I boarded the subway headed for school with heavy steps.

📖

“…Good. It didn’t even take a minute.”

Turning off the stopwatch and placing it on the desk, I couldn’t hide my pleased expression. A clear smile also spread across Jiwon’s face, which had been stiff with tension.

Jiwon, stretching lightly, smiled cheerfully and put his pen down on the desk. Ever since he asked me for a pen last time, the pen I gave him is always in Jiwon’s hand. I wish he would at least take off the name tag with my name written on it, but he’s meticulously covered it with scotch tape, so it seems difficult to remove now.

I organized the printouts, handed them over, and looked at Jiwon with a slightly flushed face. I was so proud of Jiwon for having intensively studied the weak points I had pointed out last time that I felt like I wanted to pat his head.

“You’re doing very well. As for physics, it seems like getting a perfect score will be a breeze now.”

“Hehe. Thank you.”

Receiving the praise, Jiwon smiled brightly as always. However, for some reason, that smile didn’t last long today. A shadow was cast over a corner of his clear face.

“Teacher.”

“Yeah?”

“…I heard you’re tutoring Jihyuk too.”

So this was the reason for his worried expression. I let out a spiritless laugh. To think I’m now in a position to be worried about by a student.

“Ah, yeah…”

“It must be hard for you.”

That single phrase contained so many emotions that couldn’t be explained. I fully understood the things contained in his complex gaze, so I shook my head while smiling bitterly.

“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

“But still… if it’s too hard, please tell me. I’ll somehow talk to my mother and…”

“It’s okay. Jiwon.”

I was thankful to Jiwon for trying to carry my worries as well, but also sorry. No matter how much Jiwon is Jihyuk’s brother and thus feels some responsibility, as long as I’ve decided to tutor Jihyuk, that was my burden to bear. I didn’t want to worry Jiwon as well. I tried my best to smile composedly and reassure Jiwon.

“It’s not something you need to worry about. You just need to do your part well. Well, of course, you’re already doing too well…”

“Am I doing well?”

“Mhm. You are, right?”

“Hehe…”

The look of worry cleared, and his face began to be colored with joy again. No matter when I see it, it’s a face that flushes easily. His face, looking at me with sparkling eyes, strangely resembled a puppy waiting for praise. I impulsively raised my hand to pat Jiwon’s head but suppressed the urge. I shouldn’t keep increasing unnecessary contact with my tutoring student.

“Oh. Teacher, can I see your wallet for a bit?”

“My wallet?”

The old wallet tucked between the slightly open flaps of my bag caught his eye. It was a wallet that Taejun-hyung had bought for me to celebrate becoming an adult. I tried to carry it with care, but I couldn’t ignore the passing years, and it was worn out and stained with hand marks here and there. However, since it was a fairly well-known brand, the wallet looked stylish even as time passed, and it was one of the few things I cherished.

But why does he want to see this? While feeling curious, I nodded readily.

“Sure, take a look. But there’s nothing special.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. …No money either. Haha.”

I said it like a joke and laughed, but I thought it wouldn’t sound like a joke at all and stopped laughing awkwardly. However, Jiwon paid no mind and took the wallet from me, his eyes sparkling.

Jiwon slowly opened the wallet. The first place his gaze landed was on a picture of me and Taejun-hyung taken together.

“…Wow.”

A somewhat suppressed exclamation of admiration came from Jiwon.

“It’s Han-Teacher. …Is this your graduation picture, teacher?”

“Huh? Mhm.”

“You two must be really close.”

I nodded my head without much thought, but then, just in case, I hurriedly added.

“We-well, I don’t normally carry it around… I found it while cleaning, and I was going to give it to him when I see him later. Though I don’t know when I’ll see him…”
“…Is that so?”

Jiwon smiled brightly. However, his strangely vibrant eyes had a slightly different quality from a moment ago.

“Can’t you give this to me?”

“…Huh?”

“You said you were going to give it to him when you see him later anyway. Then you don’t need it, right, teacher? I’ll hold onto it and give it to Han-seonsaengnim when he comes later.”