NANOM Ch 23

“I… um… I have… a favor to ask… if that’s okay.”

“What kind of favor?”

The low voice quickly carried a hint of interest. Seeing Jihyuk’s eyes faintly sparkling, I tightly shut my eyes and stood up.

My steps trembled as I approached him. Even though it was something I had done countless times over the past few days, it suddenly felt as daunting and nerve-wracking as the first time.

When I was forced to do it by Jihyuk’s will, it was painful but an action I could perform without much thought. But what I was about to do now was entirely my own decision to persuade Jihyuk, and it required me to desperately act cute. To borrow the expression Jihyuk always used.

Using my body to get something from someone was still such an unfamiliar act to me, but it was the only thing I could do for Jihyuk right now.

I walked right up to Jihyuk and slowly knelt down. Then, I gently rubbed my nose and mouth against his crotch. Unlike the masculine scent and the smell of shower gel that always emanated from the heavy flesh contained within, the jeans Jihyuk was wearing gave off a fragrant scent of laundry detergent.

Jihyuk, who had been standing still and merely watching what I was doing, let out a small chuckle.

“What are you doing right now?”

“…It’s just…”

I hesitated, looking up at him with pleading eyes, hoping that my clumsy provocation might at least slightly sway his heart.

But Jihyuk, his eyes gleaming with interest, seemed ready to wait leisurely until I spoke. Hesitating, I first reached for his pants’ zipper to pull it down before getting to the main point. At that moment, Jihyuk’s large hand suddenly grabbed my wrist.

“What are you doing, teacher?”

“…”

“I’m asking you. Why are you suddenly trying to pull out my dick?”

Before I knew it, the only means of communication I had left with Jihyuk was sex. As if he had seen through my impure intentions to persuade him using that sole method, Jihyuk’s gaze had already turned cold.

“I, I mean… I…”

“You’ve got a favor to ask, don’t you? That’s why you’re trying to rub up on me like this, right?”

Being completely dissected before even starting left me unable to find any more words. The shame I thought had completely evaporated from within me began to faintly resurface. My ears turned bright red, and I dropped my head, my face burning.

“…I’m sorry. I… I had a favor to ask, so I did that. It wasn’t with bad intentions…”

“Wow, it was really true.”

His voice, deliberately mocking as he spoke with exaggerated admiration, was filled with pure contempt.

“Our teacher has really become a cheap whore.”

“…”

“Trying to rub up on me like this.”

A wave of sorrow surged within me. My face was so flushed it felt like it might burst. But I couldn’t say anything back and just silently listened to his words.

“What, do you think my dick is some rag you can use whenever you have a favor to ask? Touching it without permission.”

His tone was still playful, his expression smiling brightly. But the more he smiled, the more I couldn’t lift my head, overwhelmed by shame and sadness.

It was a hard-to-explain emotion. A self-deprecating realization that I had truly hit rock bottom, mixed with a cynical thought of what use such feelings were in this situation.

But clearly, I was still hurting and bleeding from being called a whore. Despite being trampled and trampled again countless times, it seemed my sense of self was still tenaciously clinging on, stubbornly surviving.

But the most despairing fact of all was that the only method I had intended to use had failed. No matter how much I thought about it, the only thing I had to offer Jihyuk was my body, and now I couldn’t even do that. It felt like I was stripped naked, without any weapons, driven to the edge of a cliff.

“…I’m sorry.”

I mumbled helplessly, my head still lowered. I had to somehow change Jihyuk’s mind. I wasn’t sure if it was possible, but I had to try as far as I could.

“I didn’t… mean it like that… If it felt that way, I’m sorry.”

“What?”

Jihyuk looked down at me steadily and asked.

“I, I didn’t… I didn’t treat you, Jihyuk, or your… thing like a rag.”

“You did, though. You tried to use me while sucking my dick.”

His eyes still sparkled playfully, but his tone had become deliberately stiff. Jihyuk showed no signs of backing down, as if he was intent on teasing me thoroughly.

In the end, I raised the white flag. I didn’t think it was wrong to try a clumsy tactic. It was the only thing I could do, after all.

But now that even that had failed, there was truly nothing left for me to do but kneel before Jihyuk and beg. That fact plunged me into a horrifically deep sense of powerlessness.

“I’m really… sorry. That’s not what I meant… I just… I miss my mother so much, that’s why I did it.”

“…”

“When I think about my mother waiting for me… I feel so stifled and anxious, and that’s why… that’s why I did it.”

Even though she couldn’t move freely, my mother, whose consciousness had fully returned, must be waiting for me. Wouldn’t she wonder why her son, who had stayed by her side for years, wasn’t coming anymore? What if she thought I found her a burden and was despairing… Those thoughts were truly driving me insane.

In the end, the tears I had been holding back fell drop by drop. The sobbing sound gradually grew louder in my throat. Whether clinging to Jihyuk’s legs and crying out loud was my final desperate attempt to appeal to him or simply an outpouring of my grief, I could no longer tell. I was just sad and miserable, and beyond all those emotions, I wanted to go to my mother.

Contrary to my failed strategy, his neatly worn pants were getting wet with the teardrops I shed. Jihyuk just looked down at me, trembling and crying.

“Oh… our Jeonghyun is crying again.”

In a sly voice, Jihyuk said mockingly.

“Since acting cute didn’t work, now you’re trying to solve it with tears? If you keep doing this, you’ll get spoiled.”

His voice, speaking as if annoyed, even carried a light sigh. Hearing that voice, even amidst pouring out tears uncontrollably, I was struck by anxiety. Someday, when Jihyuk got tired of my body, I would surely be discarded, but I couldn’t already become a useless and bothersome existence.

I roughly wiped my face with the back of my hand and lifted my ruined face to plead with Jihyuk.

“No, I won’t… I won’t cry. I really won’t… cry.”

“…”

“So… please, could you, hic, grant my request today? I’ll do well, I’ll do really well…”

It was a vow I had repeated countless times in front of Jihyuk. It was as much a vow to myself as to him, and each time, I was sincere. But Jihyuk raised an eyebrow lightly, his expression suggesting it was cliché.

“What are you going to do well? All you do at my place is spread your legs, teacher.”

“…I’ll…”

I was at a loss for words. That’s how little I could actively do for Jihyuk. But if I stayed silent like this, I’d be scolded without even getting a chance. I wanted to somehow stimulate him, for Jihyuk to hold me. And please, to send me to the hospital.

“…I’ll suck you well… and I’ll spread my legs well… however you want…”

Having said that, I immediately realized I had made a mistake. The words I had just uttered weren’t the way Jihyuk wanted me to speak.

I always had to make him feel needed, to speak and act as if I were starving for his body. Even if the eternal truth was that I was reluctantly giving myself to him, I could never let Jihyuk know that. I hurriedly shook my head to correct myself.

“I’ll try to be as useful as what you do for me… Like you said before, I’ll… like a dog… only look at you, pay more attention to you, focus only on you… I’ll do that…”

I desperately added, pulling up everything Jihyuk had demanded a few days ago. The spark in Jihyuk’s eyes when he told me to welcome his presence like a dog was still vividly etched in my mind.

“So, Jihyuk, please… please. Could you let me go today…?”

At my desperate and impoverished persuasion, Jihyuk finally burst into laughter. I didn’t know which words softened his heart. All that mattered to me was that Jihyuk had stopped giving me that testing look and was now smiling brightly like a boy.

“Oh… you’re so damn cute. This is why I play with you, teacher.”

With a smile that seemed to carry a refreshing scent, Jihyuk playfully winked.

“I’ll give you clothes, so get ready to go out.”

📖

I briefly wondered if there’d be anything among Jihyuk’s clothes that I could wear, but it was a needless worry. Entering the dressing room, Jihyuk handed me brand-new clothes, still in their packaging.

“Try them on.”

I nodded obediently, took the clothes, and hurriedly changed. It didn’t matter if he was watching or not. My aching body kept slowing me down, but I wanted to move as quickly as possible before Jihyuk changed his mind.

The cotton pants and knit sweater Jihyuk gave me fit perfectly, as if tailored for me. When did he buy these? They couldn’t be for him, so… they must be for me.

“They look good. Sit for a bit. I’ll change and come out.”

“…Okay. And, Jihyuk…”

Hesitating, I continued speaking to him as he paused and looked down at me.

“…Thank you.”

Despite the messy process, I was amazed that he had granted my request. Honestly, apart from my determination to cling to him desperately, I had also considered the possibility that Jihyuk would absolutely refuse.

Without a word, Jihyuk smiled, his dimples showing, and headed to the bathroom with a lively stride. Listening to the sound of water, I couldn’t control my slowly racing heart.

To think I could finally go see my mother. I only hoped this wasn’t some unconscious trick playing with my mind.

Jihyuk, having finished preparing, led me to the front door. After being cooped up inside for just a few days, putting on shoes and riding the elevator felt incredibly unfamiliar.

When we reached the first floor, the car was already waiting with the engine running. The winter sunlight, pouring directly rather than through a window, was dazzlingly overwhelming. I squinted and climbed into the car.

Sitting side by side with Jihyuk in the backseat, I felt my body instinctively tense up. Just a few months ago, riding together like this was so familiar, but now it felt like nothing more or less than tension.

“Relax and sit comfortably. I’m not some crazy guy who’d screw in front of the driver.”

As if reading my emotions, Jihyuk bluntly remarked. His raw language was something I could never get used to, and I lowered my head without responding.

“Sleep or something.”

“…I’m fine.”

I barely managed to open my mouth, letting out a hoarse voice. I had been sleeping plenty already. During this precious outing, I wanted to at least keep my eyes open.

Familiar yet unfamiliar scenery flashed by. I didn’t know why the outside world felt so disconnected from me. Staring blankly out the window, I thought of a foreign trip I’d never taken. Would being abroad feel like this?

After a moment of silence, I thought of my phone. It was a thought that had crossed my mind now and then over the past few days. In truth, I was desperately worried and curious about Jeonghee’s well-being.

As Jihyuk had said, there was no mention of the phone when I promised to do everything. But even before this relationship, Jihyuk would casually take my phone and delete contacts. Now, he was so naturally controlling even my means of communication.

I felt hesitant about making multiple requests at once, but I couldn’t overcome the thoughts that had been tormenting me for days and cautiously spoke to Jihyuk.

“…Um, Jihyuk…”

“What. Another favor to ask?”

Jihyuk, leisurely leaning back in his seat, playing with his phone, glanced at me. Meeting his snake-like eyes, my mouth closed instinctively, but since I had already gone all-in, I decided to try one more time.

“…Could I… maybe check my phone later, just once?”

“…”

“I haven’t checked it at all… Could I, maybe… in front of you…?”

Licking my dry lips nervously, I anxiously awaited his response. Jihyuk, who had been staring at me with humorless eyes, soon softened his gaze.

“Jeonghyun.”

A small, airy sound escaped his refreshing lips.

“You’re being awfully demanding today, huh? Getting cocky.”

“…”

“If I give it to you, you’ll contact that bastard Jiwon, won’t you? Oh, wait, that idiot’s probably lying in a hospital bed, unable to check his phone.”

Jihyuk snickered, mocking his hyung.

“No way, anyway. There were too many annoying bastards around you, teacher. Let’s just cut them all off.”

It was absurd logic. Jihyuk wasn’t satisfied with merely making me his sex slave. His attitude, trying to control not just my body but my entire daily life, was utterly unjust.

But what meaning was there in arguing right and wrong between Jihyuk and me now? Rather than protesting his ridiculous logic, it was far better to plead and cling to him one more time. I was vaguely starting to accept that absurd reality.

“Please… It’s not like that. I’m not trying to contact them. I’m just so worried about Jeonghee… That’s why.”

“You don’t trust me?”

With a slightly irritated tone, Jihyuk asked.

“Because of your request about your sister, I’m busy looking after her too. And you don’t trust me? Should I just stop?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I… I trust you.”

I shook my head desperately. It was painfully contradictory that, while bound to Jihyuk like this, he was the only one I could rely on. But truly, he was the only one I could cling to now.

He had really paid off part of the principal and 50 million won in interest that Jeonghee owed to the loan sharks, and he even showed me the proof yesterday.

Having confirmed it with my own eyes, I had no choice but to cling to and rely on Jihyuk even more. At least, unlike Jiwon, who ignored my problems and toyed with me, Jihyuk wasn’t untrustworthy in that regard. He was cruel to me, but not unreliable in that sense.

“It’s not that… I just really want to hear her voice. I’ll just make one call and hang up. Okay? I’ll do it in front of you.”

I pleaded earnestly, looking at Jihyuk. He looked back at me silently, then mischievously pulled the corners of his mouth.

“There’s give and take. Act cute for me.”

“What, how…”

“You know what our teacher is good at, don’t you?”

Jihyuk added, his dark eyes glinting ominously. With that, he gestured downward with his chin.

“What you tried to do earlier and got scolded for.”

What did I just hear?

In an instant, the blood drained from every nerve. My heart felt like it plummeted to the floor. In the privacy of his house, I had done far worse countless times, but there was a third person in this car.

“H-here? N-now?”

My words came out stuttering like an idiot. I desperately pleaded with Jihyuk, who nodded brightly.

“J-Jihyuk… Wait, just wait. Don’t do this… I’ll do it at home, okay?”

“Don’t need it? Don’t need to make the call?”

Jihyuk’s expression turned cold, as if his interest had waned. Panicking at his dismissive attitude, I grabbed his hand and clung to him.

“No, you said… you said we wouldn’t do it in front of the driver…”

“I said we wouldn’t screw, not that you couldn’t suck me off.”

Unlike me, who instinctively lowered my voice while glancing at the front, Jihyuk was unbelievably calm while demanding such an outrageous act.

My face flushed red in an instant. I had done it with Jihyuk countless times over the past few days, but doing this in front of someone else was something I hadn’t even imagined. It was the moment when the common sense I took for granted, the courtesy I owed to others, and the last shred of my self-respect were utterly destroyed.

There was no way I could refuse. Refusing would end the deal with Jihyuk. But knowing that, I pleaded with him one more time.

“Please… Not in front of someone… Please, Jihyuk. Please… I’ll do everything at home… Please.”

“Why are you trembling like that?”

Jihyuk put his arm affectionately around the back of my neck, pulled me close, and gently kissed my forehead.

“Are you scared I’ll fuck you here? It’s fine. I won’t go all the way.”

“That’s not it…”

My mouth went dry, my lips sticking together. Before I knew it, my body was trembling slightly. Jihyuk, rubbing the back of my neck slowly, smiled at me with a grin.

“Jeonghyun. Would I strip you in front of someone? It’s just my dick coming out, so it’s fine.”

“…But still…”

“You called it a rag dick, didn’t you? Mine. What’s it matter if someone sees?”

Jihyuk’s gaze, gesturing downward, was leisurely yet resolute.

“Start.”

There was no more room to escape. Jihyuk’s command had been given, and he showed no intention of backing down.

With trembling hands, I pulled down his pants’ zipper. Despite the presence of another person in front, Jihyuk didn’t care at all and willingly let me undo his pants. I gripped his pants along with his underwear and pulled them down to his thighs, and his already hard cock sprang out, hitting my chin hard.

My trembling gaze darted to the front, but the driver didn’t even glance this way. He must have heard our conversation, yet he was silently driving, staring ahead as if deaf.

Biting my lips, I looked at Jihyuk’s thing through my blurring vision and finally closed my eyes tightly. As I had done countless times before, I opened my mouth wide and took in the hot flesh.

“Hnng…”

The scalding heat and thick masculine scent touched my lips. It was a part more familiar than the lips I had been forced to kiss countless times by Jihyuk’s will.

The hot tip entered my mouth slowly, blocking my breath. With us sitting side by side and only me bending over to take him in, it felt like it was digging even deeper into my throat than usual.

Above my head, Jihyuk let out a pleased groan.

“Ha…”

To elicit his reaction as quickly as possible, I opened my throat without hesitation. The roof of my mouth and the tender flesh inside, which used to quiver at the slightest touch, now accepted the aggressive pillar with relative ease.

Deeper, deeper. With a gagging sound, my throat clenched tightly around his cock. At the same time, Jihyuk’s thigh, which I was bracing with my palm, grew even harder.

“You’re doing well, Jeonghyun.”

“Ugh, hng…”

“You’re sucking it so eagerly whether someone’s watching or not, so why did you resist?”

Jihyuk’s words, meant to shame me, pierced my ears relentlessly. Without responding, I moved my head up and down diligently, and he chuckled.

“You’re diving into it like a madman. Like a fucking dog.”

The tears blurring my vision finally dripped onto his pants. I didn’t know if it was from the physical strain or the pain of Jihyuk’s words stabbing my heart.

The hand stroking my head was excessively warm. The touch that was sometimes cruelly gripping my hair was now, in front of another, caressing me with the utmost tenderness.

“Your throat’s gripping so well today. Is it because someone’s watching?”

“Ugh, hng, sob…”

“There’s no filthier rag than this. Ha…”

Letting out a pleased breath, Jihyuk smirked mischievously. Even as he did, his mouth still spat out cutting words.

As my movements slowed while trying to manage the tears that kept streaming down, Jihyuk began to thrust his hips upward. At the same time, the moans I had been suppressing so the driver wouldn’t hear started bursting out uncontrollably with Jihyuk’s forceful movements.

“Ji, ugh, guh, ah, hng, ah…!”

My jaw ached terribly. Each time the tip of his hard cock jabbed at the tender flesh at the top of my throat, tears poured down in torrents.

Without realizing it, tension gripped the back of my neck. I was struggling with all my might to pull my face back. But Jihyuk’s hand, now fiercely gripping my hair, mercilessly shoved my face toward his crotch. As he roughly used my mouth like a masturbation toy, my thrashing grew more intense.

“Ah, ugh, hng, ugh, sob…!”

Desperate moans and screams mingled, echoing through the car. Yet the fact that the car kept moving as if nothing was happening made me feel like I was losing my mind even more.

All sorts of emotions churned chaotically within me. Just moments ago, I had desperately hoped this wasn’t a dream, but now I wished this situation was a dream instead.

Finally, his thrusting stopped.

“Swallow it all.”

Jihyuk barked the curt command in a rough voice. As I panted heavily with a face smeared in saliva and tears, hot liquid began to pour into my throat.

“Ugh, hng, guh…”

“Don’t spill a drop. Swallow it properly unless you want to visit your mother with cum all over your face.”

Jihyuk spoke disgusting words in a gentle tone. With his cock still lodged in my throat, he pulled out a tissue to wipe his hand. Gasping for breath, I swallowed all the liquid flowing down my throat.

Blinking repeatedly to clear my nearly rolling eyes, my vision barely returned. Taking several trembling breaths, I wiped my wet eyes with the back of my hand.

At that moment, my eyes met the driver’s through the rearview mirror.

“…”

“…”

He silently looked away. But in that brief moment, his eyes revealed undisguised disgust and shock. With deadened eyes, I swallowed the sobs threatening to burst out. There was still something left to do.

Without Jihyuk’s command, I voluntarily took his cock back into my mouth. It was time to clean the mess I had made.

“Suck it louder, more greedily.”

Following the command in his damp voice, I held his re-hardening cock and sucked it with loud, slurping noises, like it was candy. I could imagine, without looking, the kind of gaze the driver was casting at me, sucking so desperately as if I were crazed for a man’s cock.

Closing my eyes tightly, I mechanically did my task. But until I finished cleaning his cock with my mouth and put his pants back on, the driver’s earlier gaze, looking at me like I was vermin, floated in my mind, impossible to erase.

“N-now… hic, guh… Can I… make the call after visiting the hospital?”

Wiping my ruined face with a tissue and barely swallowing with my raw throat, I asked. The trembling sobs were buried between coughs.

Jihyuk, smiling with satisfaction, reached into the pocket of his padded jacket. To my surprise, he handed me my phone.

“Here.”

“…Thank you.”

Honestly, I didn’t expect him to carry it with him. I thought even if he allowed a call, it would be later. Taking the phone in a hurry, I quickly turned it on.

I didn’t know if Jihyuk had checked my phone multiple times or if truly no one had contacted me. There wasn’t a single missed call. All messages were marked as read, mostly from the caregiver or parents of students asking what happened to their suddenly absent teacher.

Glancing at Jihyuk, I stammered.

“…I’ll send a text to the students’ parents… to say I can’t tutor anymore.”

“Go ahead.”

Still fixated on my phone screen, Jihyuk replied in a disinterested tone. With reluctant fingers, I sent texts to the parents. I apologized but said I could no longer tutor. I knew it wasn’t something to notify by text, but it was the best I could do in my situation.

After finishing, I found Jeonghee’s name and pressed the call button. It was an opportunity I had fought hard for. Hoping, praying she would pick up, I listened to the ringing over and over. But all I heard was the repeated mechanical voice: “The customer is unavailable…”

My lips instinctively chewed between my teeth. Feeling the sharp, metallic taste of blood in my mouth, I clenched and unclenched my fist. My chest felt heavy, like I was suffocating.

“Why… why isn’t she answering…”

“Yeah, it’d be nice if she picked up.”

I urgently asked Jihyuk, who responded nonchalantly.

“Is Jeonghee really okay?”

“Hm.”

As he slowly chose his words, the silence made my heart pound uncomfortably. Cold sweat seeped from my tightly clenched fist. Just as I was about to press him again, he spoke first.

“She’s fine, your sister.”

“…”

“So trust me and behave. If you keep doing pretty things well, I’ll tell you all about how I’m looking after your sister.”

Finishing his words, Jihyuk grinned mischievously.

Not hearing Jeonghee’s voice made me anxious, but for now, I had no choice but to trust Jihyuk and wait. As I reluctantly handed the phone back to him, a short vibration sounded, and an unfamiliar number appeared. Seeing the message’s content, my eyes widened.

[Jeonghyun. It’s Woojae.]

[I’ve been trying to reach you since the day before yesterday, why aren’t you answering?]

[I got a new phone, so save this number lol. We should meet up, right?]

My heart rate surged explosively. As if I’d done something wrong, I instinctively glanced at Jihyuk. As expected, Jihyuk, who had been looking at the screen with me, had a terrifyingly furrowed brow.

“What’s that bastard saying?”

Spitting out a harsh curse, he snatched the phone from my hand. He immediately deleted Woojae’s number and blocked it. The old number was, of course, already blocked by Jihyuk.

But in that moment, the eight digits I had caught with my eyes on the screen were seared into my mind like a stamp.

‘3, 6, 1… then 7, 6, 7…’

Desperately, I repeated the numbers in my head, rolling them slowly in my mouth to commit them to memory. Tying the perfectly memorized numbers tightly in my mind like a rope I might use someday, I quietly lowered my eyes. Despite my efforts to appear calm, my heart still pounded anxiously, as if locked alone in a dark room.

📖

The car dropped Jihyuk and me off at the hospital’s main entrance before heading to the parking lot. Looking up at the building gleaming in the sunlight, I squinted but couldn’t contain the overwhelming emotions. It had only been a few days, but it felt like years since I’d been here.

“Let’s go in.”

Before Jihyuk’s words even finished, my feet were already stepping into the hospital. There was still some time before the rehabilitation program, but impatience quickened my movements. Each step made my pelvis creak and my back scream, but I hurriedly caught the elevator to the ward like someone possessed.

“Wait. Don’t rush and trip.”

Jihyuk, catching up in an instant, grabbed my arm firmly. I nodded mechanically at his commanding tone, but my mind was filled only with thoughts of my mother.

Only when I reached the ward did I register Jihyuk’s presence, his grip still on my arm. Looking up at him pleadingly with the door right in front of me.

“…We’re here now.”

It was an unspoken plea to let me go in alone. Obviously, I didn’t want to show his presence to my mother. Even in the car on the way here, Jihyuk had made me do unspeakable things.

No matter how much he was Jihyuk, he wouldn’t touch me inside the ward, but I didn’t want my mother to see his presence at all. If I entered with Jihyuk, my heart would collapse under the weight. If my mother saw me, stripped of the modest name Kim Jeonghyun and reduced to someone’s toy, I couldn’t bear it.

“Go do it. I’ll wait.”

Thankfully, Jihyuk let me enter the ward and turned to sit on a waiting chair nearby. Watching him stretch out his long legs and casually pull out his phone, I rushed into the ward like I was escaping.

The moment I saw my mother lying on the bed, something hit my chest hard.

“…”

My steps, which had moved without hesitation since arriving, finally stopped.

My mother’s face was noticeably gaunt. Her slender neck and forearms seemed to have thinned again, making my heart sink. Why had she become so frail? I had thought she was gradually regaining vitality since regaining consciousness.

Had she been suffering emotionally while I was gone? Was she worried about why I wasn’t coming? Or anxious? Had she despaired, thinking her presence was a burden? Or had she lost the will to recover in her disappointment…

Or perhaps, just as I missed her, had she simply missed me?

Tears threatened to spill like a loosely turned faucet. But I bit the inside of my mouth until it tore, holding back the sobs. Appearing after so long and crying would worry her.

‘Come to think of it, my face…’

Startled, I hurriedly turned around. I realized, a beat too late, that my appearance might shock her even more. Cursing myself as an idiot, I rushed into the patient bathroom attached to the ward before getting too close to her.

As expected, my reflection in the mirror was a mess. From my lips to my neck, every visible part was covered in mottled bruises, as if mauled by a beast. My sharp jawline, haggard face, and dark circles under my eyes made me let out a hollow laugh.

No matter how urgent, how could I come to see my mother looking like this? I must be out of my mind.

‘Stupid bastard.’

My hand instinctively went to my chest. I pounded and crushed the lump forming there. Turning on cold water, I washed away the tears that kept trying to spill.

Forcing my bloodshot eyes to calm, I glared at the mirror with determination. Taking a deep breath and exhaling heavily, I steeled myself.

No matter my reality, in this moment, I had to be the strong, respectable son, Kim Jeonghyun. Resolving firmly, I walked out with forced confidence.

“…Mom. I’m here.”

The bright voice I forced out spread gently toward my mother. Quietly approaching her side, I found her bony hand and held it tightly.

“Jeonghyun’s here, Mom. …Please open your eyes.”

Her closed eyelids slowly opened. Her unfocused gaze gradually settled on me. The corners of her eyes, blinking slowly, soon became wet. Seeing tears silently roll down her rough skin, I had to let go of her hand and clench my fist tightly, very tightly.

“…Why are you crying? What’s there to cry about? …Your son, your son’s here.”

I spoke with effort to keep my voice from trembling.

“I’m sorry. I made you feel neglected. I’ve been… too busy lately.”

My trembling palm brushed her wet face. Several times, tenderly.

“Lately, I’ve had a lot of tutoring jobs near school… so I’ve been going back and forth to Seoul and couldn’t come often.”

Lies I rarely told in my life flowed effortlessly. The words that I wore my thoughts on my face and couldn’t lie felt laughably distant as they crossed my mind in that moment.

“My face is a mess, right? I got into a scuffle while drinking with friends… but I’m fine. Don’t worry. …It won’t happen again. I’ll be careful…”

Clearing my throat, I tried to maintain a bright tone, spinning tales like a reckless college student. My heart grew brittle with the fictional story, so different from my reality, but I smiled sheepishly to keep my despair from showing. As if it had really happened.

“Oh, and… Jeonghee… Jeonghee’s doing fine too. …So don’t worry too much.”

I kept babbling despite the lack of response. It was, after all, something I was used to.

“So even when I’m not here, do your rehab diligently… okay? Eat a lot too. You need to get that feeding tube out and eat with your mouth soon.”

Gently rubbing her hand, I spoke with a prayerful heart. I said it several times, smiling. The more I did, the heavier and more burdensome my stiffly held head felt. In the end, I slowly buried my head in her hand.

Even after changing hospitals, the scent from her bedding was the same. In this moment, the only place I could pour my heart and set down my exhaustion was this trace of her scent. Smelling her, a hot sob swelled thickly, blocking my throat, but I swallowed it with all my strength.

“…Mom…”

…It’s so hard. I just want to rest a little.

Those words, which I could never say to her, had to remain an unexploded bomb within me forever. Burying them deep under the bruises in my heart, I slowly raised my head after a short time. Becoming the dependable son again, smiling.

📖

While sitting dazedly holding my mother’s hand, the door slid open with a rattle. Startled, I stood up to see the doctor and a few nurses entering. My mother’s attending physician sometimes made rounds even during lunch.

“Oh, hello.”

“Yes, hello…”

The doctor, greeting absently with his eyes fixed on my mother’s face, froze upon seeing me. His eyes were clearly shocked. His steps stopped in front of me.

“…It’s been a while.”

I had been visiting my mother almost daily unless something major happened. The doctor scanned me with a probing gaze. As if trying to deduce the reason for my absence, his look made me lower my head instinctively.

“Oh, yes… I had some personal matters.”

“Let’s talk privately for a moment, guardian.”

Looking at me calmly as I stammered excuses, the doctor asked the nurses to step out and drew the curtain. Separating my mother and me, he lowered his voice and asked.

“Guardian.”

“Yes.”

“Is something going on?”

His blunt question left me speechless. I widened my eyes and waved my hands.

“Oh… It’s nothing. I just… got into a scuffle while drinking with friends.”

Smiling awkwardly, I repeated the excuse I’d given my mother. But the ensuing silence was tense. After some time, the doctor brought up something unexpected.

“Guardian. Do you need help?”

My eyes widened instinctively. Seeing my obvious agitation, he continued in a low voice.

“There’s a man I haven’t seen before sitting outside the ward for a while. Is it related?”

“…”

“If it is, please tell me comfortably. I’ll help. Do you need to report something?”

Speaking in a hushed tone, the doctor seemed to have sensed some of the misfortune that had befallen me.

And no wonder—my face was a wreck, and I, a daily visitor, had been absent for a while. Jihyuk, sitting outside the ward, would stand out in this quiet wing. He had that kind of presence. It was natural for the doctor to have suspicions.

My racing heart gradually sped up. My fingertips turned cold in an instant. Licking my dry lips, I looked at the doctor anxiously. Suddenly, Woojae’s number, memorized earlier, resurfaced one by one.

This is it.

This might be the last chance.

I knew full well that my relationship with Jihyuk was entirely my choice. I didn’t care if someone pointed fingers at me for being greedy. Living as a sex doll, suppressing my will for money, wasn’t pleasant. No one would willingly throw themselves into visible misery.

I couldn’t be certain Woojae would help. But even if it was foolish, I wanted to grasp that slim possibility. The fruits I received for offering my body to Jihyuk were sweet like a dream, but if there was an option where I didn’t have to be trapped and raped daily, I wanted to try it even once.

Until now, Jihyuk had been my only option. But if I could contact Woojae, maybe… he could help. He was famously wealthy at school and had always been particularly kind to me, looking out for me.

If I borrowed 50 million won first, took a leave from school, and got a job to repay him…

My head spun dizzyingly. Trembling lips parted, and I barely reached out to clutch the doctor’s coat.

“…Could I… borrow your phone for just one call…?”

Seeing my desperate face, the doctor’s expression grew graver.

“Are you calling the police?”

“No, not the police… just… a friend, just one call…”

The doctor silently handed me his phone. With trembling hands, I began entering Woojae’s number, one digit at a time. The screen filled with his number. Just three more, two more…

Then, with a bang, the door opened forcefully.

“Teacher!”

Smiling mischievously, Jihyuk strode into the ward. His steps were natural and unhesitant, as if someone had called him in.

His approach, step by step, was etched into my vision as if in slow motion. One step, another. As Jihyuk’s body drew closer, it felt like someone was tearing pieces from my heart.

“J-J-Jihyuk.”

My lips trembled violently. My hand flinched, and the phone I was holding fell to the floor.

With a clatter, the phone hit the ground, displaying Woojae’s incomplete number. Jihyuk, with slow movements, picked it up, glanced at the screen, and slowly curled his lips. Then he deleted the number and handed the phone back to the doctor.

“Oh, you were doing rounds. Sorry. I’m starving.”

But his words were completely unexpected. Speaking cheerfully as if he were a different person, I froze, unable to say anything.

“Let’s grab food after rounds. You said you’d treat me to lunch before class, right?”

At that moment, the doctor stepped in front of me, frowning.

“I’m in the middle of a consultation with the guardian. Please wait outside…”

“Oh, but the teacher has an urgent call.”

Despite the doctor’s clear attempt to protect me, Jihyuk showed no sign of unease. Facing the doctor directly, he handed me my phone. Seeing “Jeonghee” and a missed call on the screen, all my scattered thoughts stopped.

“Remember? Today was supposed to be your sister’s surgery. She probably wanted to hear your voice before it.”

“…”

“What, if you’re busy, should I take the call for you? If the surgery isn’t urgent, should we just cancel it?”

A chill ran down my spine at Jihyuk’s innocent words. His intent was clear. He was threatening me with my sister. The surgery he mentioned was the one I had so desperately begged for.

In truth, I wanted to escape from him. Having my soul and body gnawed at every day was overwhelmingly exhausting and painful. That was my honest feeling, the desperate instinct of a human being. The impulse I had been suppressing, coaxing myself that it was okay, had exploded at a completely unexpected moment.

But the fog that had clouded my mind with that momentary impulse was gradually clearing. My vision was becoming sharper. The realization that Jihyuk held not only a vast sum of money but also the safety of my mother and sister was now hitting me with stark clarity.

The impulsive decision to search for another way out of the hell threatening to swallow my family suddenly felt dangerously reckless. That emotion soon turned into self-blame.

I couldn’t muster the courage to look directly into the doctor’s serious gaze. Lowering my head, I spoke in a small voice to him.

“Um, doctor, I have to go now because of an urgent matter… I’ll come back, I’ll come back.”

“Guardian.”

As I finished speaking and turned to leave, the doctor grabbed my wrist from behind.

“Let’s do rehab first. The program starts in 30 minutes.”

The doctor was urging me to stay under the pretext of rehab. But Jihyuk grabbed my other wrist and yanked my body toward him. My hand, held by the doctor, slipped out futilely.

“Teacher, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

Saying that, Jihyuk looked directly into the doctor’s eyes and grinned. It was a mocking smile, as if gloating over taking me away.

His radiant smile felt like it was cruelly tearing into my chest. Bleeding uncontrollably, I slowly nodded. Bowing to the doctor, I was led out of the ward by Jihyuk’s hand, taking quick steps before the doctor could say anything.

“…”

“…”

While walking side by side, Jihyuk was silent. The more we walked together, the tighter my chest felt. Cold sweat beaded on my forehead. His silence was like a snake slowly slithering up to strangle my neck.

As we reached the hospital’s main entrance, the pouring sunlight was dazzling. The air was cold, but the noon sun was warm. Yet my body kept trembling, uncontrollably, as if it couldn’t function properly.

“Jeonghyun.”

Reaching the car waiting in front of the hospital, Jihyuk finally spoke.

“How was playing teacher after so long? Was my acting okay? It reminded me of old times, and I liked it.”

Saying that, Jihyuk giggled. Poking my frozen cheek with his finger, he was like a playful child.

“But I can’t exactly tell the doctor that our teacher is selling his body like a whore, so don’t worry. Our teacher has a reputation to keep. So I put on a little act.”

“…”

“But I was a bit hurt, teacher.”

Still smiling brightly, he put me in the backseat and got in himself.

“I loosened your leash a bit, and you were already crawling under some other bastard’s crotch. With that Woojae or whatever the hell his name is, right?”

“…Jihyuk, that’s…”

“Teacher. Jeonghyun. You damn…”

Jihyuk’s tone, which had been playfully smiling, turned icy in an instant.

“Does your brain not work? Think about it. Who would just lend a friend that kind of money?”

“…”

“It’s not just about lending money. Paying for your mother’s hospital bills, getting your sister surgery, sending her to a psych ward to clean up her gambling-addled brain—who else in the world is crazy enough to do all that, like me?”

Hearing this for the first time, I forgot even the fear gripping my mind and opened my mouth in shock. Staring blankly at his face, Jihyuk held out his phone screen to me.

As he said, the screen showed evidence of contacting a psychiatric ward to treat Jeonghee’s severe gambling addiction. He said it would proceed soon after getting my consent as her legal guardian, plunging me deeper into self-blame.

Her addiction was so severe that she had racked up a billion won in debt and gotten tangled with dangerous people like gangsters, so a psychiatric ward was likely the best option for Jeonghee now.

The thought that Jihyuk had planned and handled all this alone left me even more stunned. At this point, I couldn’t tell if Jihyuk was the one pushing me into hell or my escape. From the perspective of my body alone, it was certainly the former, but for my family in the abyss, it was different. He was providing support for them that I could never manage.

“Do you think that Woojae bastard would do that much for you? If you’re so confident, go ahead and call him.”

“…”

“Go on, call him. Why can’t you?”

Jihyuk tossed my phone at me mockingly. The phone I had so desperately wanted back earlier now felt untouchable, even when placed before me.

“Did you know? That bastard Jiwon didn’t pay the hospital bills on time, so they were piling up.”

“…”

“God, our teacher’s future is so damn bleak, it’s hard to even think about doing anything. If I were you, I’d just spread my legs for the sucker paying for everything.”

Listening to Jihyuk’s mocking words, I wished my ears would go deaf. It was too painful to keep hearing him. It felt like all the world’s misfortunes had merged into one, targeting only me. My single, small body couldn’t bear the weight of it all.

So dazed that even tears wouldn’t come, I looked at Jihyuk with empty eyes and opened my mouth to beg.

It was time to pay the price for my momentary impulse to seek another way out.

“…I’m sorry… I was wrong.”

I was afraid. Afraid of the punishment Jihyuk would give me. But the greatest fear was being abandoned by him in this moment.

I could no longer escape this situation without Jihyuk. That fact was now etched into my bones. To save my family from hell, I had to throw myself entirely into Jihyuk by my own will. Into Jihyuk, who was still an enigma—hell’s entrance or an escape. And I must never look back. Never again cast my eyes toward anything but Jihyuk.

“I must have lost my mind… The doctor’s offer to help… I got carried away for a moment.”

“…”

“Please… can you forgive me, just once? I was wrong.”

Looking at me, pleading with a wilted expression, Jihyuk let out a chuckle.

“Ha… At this point, I’m getting confused. Is it you, acting like this every time, who’s the idiot, or me, forgiving you every time, who’s the dumb bastard?”

Laughing incredulously a couple of times, Jihyuk unfastened the watch on his wrist. The metallic clank of the watch strap, tightly fastened to his wrist bone, sounded to me like handcuffs locking. Placing the heavy-looking watch carelessly on the seat beside him, he slowly spoke again.

“Since you were wrong, let’s start with a beating.”

“…”

“That’s my way, right? Got any complaints?”

I slowly shook my reluctant head.

“N…no. I was wrong, so… hit me.”

At that moment, Jihyuk smiled like sunlight and swung his palm. The moving car was instantly filled with a deafening slap.