NANOM Ch 10

Therefore, he was told that from now on, he had to pour all his energy into rehabilitation. The hospital he was currently admitted to was a university hospital of a considerable size, but the attending physician suggested moving to another hospital specializing in rehabilitation once his mother’s condition stabilized further.

Searching online, it seemed that rehabilitation would require much more effort and expense, unlike the life-sustaining treatment they had been providing until now. The more he researched, the more he realized that rehabilitation was a field where the guardian’s will and capabilities were heavily involved. It was a matter of course that the more money and devotion one poured in, the better the patient’s prognosis and the faster their recovery would be.

‘The money left… how much is there.’

He quietly counted the money remaining in his bank account. What was fortunate, at least, was that the tutoring fee he was currently receiving was a rather large sum for simply teaching academics. If he only considered his mother’s hospital bills and his own living expenses, there was actually a generous amount left over.

However, if he were to watch over his mother’s condition until it stabilized, prepare for the hospital transfer, and then begin rehabilitation in earnest, he would likely need a large sum of money. Therefore, he had to start saving money diligently from now on.

Still, he was glad that it was no longer like pouring water into a bottomless pit. As long as the hope and effort he poured in did not escape in vain, he felt that it did not matter how large the pit was.

However, truly unexpected factors kept throwing stones onto the surface of the water that was just about to calm down.

[Oppa. This is the last time. Just lend it to me this once. Please?]

Text messages from Jeonghee asking for money came in the early morning, at night, and sometimes even in the morning as he started his day. The money he had lent her last time was the starting point. After that, there were times she demanded even larger amounts, but she never asked for less than that.

He had tried getting angry at Jeonghee, who had changed beyond comprehension, and he had also tried ignoring her. One day, he even went to the front of Jeonghee’s dormitory. But he did not achieve any significant results.

If he lent her money three or four times, she might pay it back once or twice, if at all. The amount was often less than what he had lent her. However, Jeonghee never told him why she was borrowing the money, and eventually, he declared that he could no longer lend her any more.

[I’ll tell you everything. I’ll tell you why I needed the money until now. There’s someone I want to introduce you to this weekend. I’ll bring that person and come home.]

Jeonghee, who had been crying and throwing a tantrum at his ultimatum, eventually sent him this text message. At Jeonghee’s words, asking him to help her thinking of it as the last time and that if he turned a blind eye this time, she could no longer rely on him as family, he ended up sending all three million won that was in his bank account.

The money, which he had never even held in his hand, an intangible sum, brushed past him like a ghost and vanished. After completing the bank transfer, he slid down from the refrigerator he had been leaning against and slumped to the floor. Slump.

Dry sighs escaped his lips over and over again. It was laughable, but those sighs were the only thing that proved he had even briefly earned that money.

And, one more thing.

Besides Jeonghee, the one who was chaotically shaking him up was, unexpectedly, Jiwon.

Jiwon was a student who had been taking his tutoring sessions as quietly as Jihyuk, who was continuing his lessons without any particular incident. The summer heat had ripened to the point where it could not get any more intense, and that meant that the college entrance exam, along with the chilly weather, would be upon them soon.

He thought that since Jiwon was a smart kid, regardless of the feelings he had for him, he would focus solely on his studies until the exam was over. Therefore, he tried his utmost to act as if nothing was wrong with Jiwon. At least until now, Jiwon had never once voiced the feelings he had for him. That was why he could silently maintain their teacher-student relationship, feigning ignorance of those feelings that both Jiwon and he knew about.

At least, that was how it had been until now. Until Jiwon, after finishing his tutoring session as usual, suddenly asked that question.

“Teacher. Why have you been hanging out with him so often lately?”

Because he asked it so out of context, he had to fumble for a few seconds to figure out what on earth Jiwon was talking about. As he sat there with a clueless expression, Jiwon asked in a desperate tone.

“Does Jihyuk have something on you? Tell me honestly. I can help you, Teacher.”

He could not understand why this kid was suddenly acting like this. Something on me? He can help me? As he just stared at Jiwon with wide eyes, Jiwon suddenly grabbed both of his wrists. Grab.

Contrary to his usual frail image, it was a surprisingly strong grip. Flinch. Startled, he tried to yank his captured wrists back, but Jiwon would not let go of his hands, his expression frightening.

“What, what are you doing—!”

“Teacher.”

Jiwon’s distorted expression was unfamiliar. The leisurely air he always had when he looked at him with a bright smile had completely evaporated. Jiwon licked his parched lips once and opened his mouth.

“If it’s because of money… I’ll give you double, including Jihyuk’s share. Please tell him you can’t tutor him anymore.”

“…What on earth are you talking about right now.”

It was not a very pleasant experience to hear a student talk directly about money. He awkwardly avoided Jiwon’s eyes and tried to pull his captured wrists free. However, at the next words that came from Jiwon, he froze completely.

“It’s true, isn’t it? It’s because of your mother’s hospital bills that you can’t quit, no matter what a fuss Woo Jihyuk makes, isn’t it?”

The tips of his fingers grew chillingly cold. Gasp. He held his breath for a moment, then slowly raised his gaze to stare straight at the kid.

“…What? What do you mean by that…”

However, Jiwon, who seemed to be out of his mind, showed no signs of stopping. Jiwon had completely lost his composure right now.

“And from now on, have tutoring sessions with me outside, too. So we don’t run into him. Don’t take the car Woo Jihyuk sends, and delete his number. And…”

“Wait a minute, Woo Jiwon!”

A scream-like shout cut off Jiwon, who had been rambling on without a break.

“You… How do you know about my situation?”

A brief silence fell, and Jiwon avoided his eyes as he opened his mouth.

“That’s not what’s important right now.”

“It is important. To me.”

He forcefully shook his wrists, wrenching them free from Jiwon’s grasp. A fire was boiling inside him, to the point that his hands were trembling slightly. He nervously swept his hair back and glared at Jiwon, confronting him.

“You guys might be used to putting each other under surveillance and things like that, but I’m not.”

“……”

“Tell me honestly. Did you… do a background check on me?”

At his probing question, Jiwon’s mouth clamped shut completely. Jiwon’s eyes, which had lost their composure, were gradually regaining their sanity. He had never been this angry at this kid before. Jiwon seemed very surprised by his cold attitude, which he was experiencing for the first time.

After watching his expression silently for a moment, Jiwon opened his mouth heavily.

“Just… simply. Just that your mother… has been bedridden for a long time…”

“……”

Well, it seemed Jihyuk knew about that much too. He remembered his voice from last time asking, ‘Aren’t you the one in a difficult position’. Right, I’m probably getting paid so much as a price for working for a family like this. The price for being intruded upon and monitored as if I had no privacy at all.

As he let out a half-resigned sigh, Jiwon grabbed his hand again and said urgently.

“I’m sorry. Teacher, I’m sorry. I know you must be offended… but… it was hard not to. It looked like Woo Jihyuk was always dragging you around… He keeps calling you out on days that aren’t even for tutoring.”

“……”

“So Teacher, please be honest with me. I, I can help you.”

Jiwon, who was ceaselessly trying to persuade him, looked extremely desperate. At this point, it was no different from him walking around with his feelings laid bare. Even if he tried to ignore this kid’s heart, which was constantly shouting at him, by covering his ears and closing his eyes, it was no longer of any use.

“…You, why are you being like this to me… doing all this?”

He asked in a listless voice. Jiwon remained silent for a long while, his lips pressed tightly together. The pen held in his fingers was trembling. Tremble, tremble. Jiwon, who had kept his gaze lowered in silence, finally opened his mouth.

“Because… I like you, Teacher.”

At the same moment, tears fell from Jiwon’s cheeks. Plop, plop.Thump. Along with the sound, his heart dropped to the very bottom. The only thought he had was that what was bound to happen had finally happened.

“I like you. Teacher. …I’m sorry for saying this.”

“Jiwon.”

“I really like you. Teacher. I can’t… I can’t watch anymore, it’s too hard…”

The Jiwon who had laughed leisurely while saying, Do you really believe Jihyuk’s words? It’s not like that. He just likes me as a cool teacher and an older brother, was now gone.

He did not know what had caused Jiwon to be completely cornered in the span of just a few weeks. The only thing he could tell was that Jiwon was now vastly different from back then, when he would skillfully cut his tail and run away.

Wiping away the streaming tears with the back of his hand, Jiwon desperately continued to speak.

“I feel like I’m going crazy every time I see you… hanging out with Jihyuk every day. I’m so worried. He’s not even into that kind of thing… He’s just… trying to play with you, Teacher…”

“Jiwon, wait a minute. Calm down… Just calm down.”

“Teacher, he’s really dangerous. He’s obsessive about his things, and he’s a violent kid. He doesn’t even know his own feelings right now. If by any chance, just by any chance he falls for you, I really don’t know what he’ll do then. You have to get away in advance.”

After finishing his words quickly, Jiwon pulled his hand and held it again. At his utterly desperate gaze, he could not help but shut his mouth for a moment.

“So Teacher, tell me, tell me. I’ll help you. Are you being blackmailed or something? Did he do anything strange to you?”

His heart began to pound with an unsettling force and speed. There was not a speck of playfulness in Jiwon’s eyes as he held onto him and asked. It was different from his usual self, who would try to get past things with a slick smile whenever he asked a key question. He felt that today, for the first time, he was seeing the real Jiwon.

From the beginning, it was not his wish to tutor Jihyuk. It started because of the madam’s request, which was close to a demand, and as soon as he took on the kid, he suffered various humiliations from Jihyuk. Just as Jiwon said, he was even blackmailed with his situation as collateral. But now, Jiwon was saying he would solve it for him.

Therefore, Jiwon’s words could not help but come across as quite tempting. He stared blankly into the eyes of Jiwon, who was clinging to him. Tears were welling up in his gentle, large eyes.

But as soon as he saw those eyes, a different, ferocious pair of eyes automatically overlapped them. A savage gaze that seemed like it would suck in the person looking and swallow them whole.

Even if I were to ask for help, could Jiwon win against that kid?

The answer came immediately. Jiwon cannot win against Jihyuk. Never.

Whatever Jiwon’s position in this household, whatever he possessed, this kid could never win against Jihyuk. He had an instinctive certainty that if he were to attempt something half-heartedly, he would end up being counterattacked instead. He did not want Jiwon to be harmed because of him.

And, another fundamental problem popped into his head.

Am I currently being treated so unfairly by Jihyuk that I should ask Jiwon for help?

Unlike at the beginning, when Jihyuk seemed like he would do something to him at any moment, saying he liked a well-behaved teacher, Jihyuk was not causing him any particular harm right now.

He calls me out a few times a week to buy me a meal. Or he quietly eats the meal I buy him. And even that was only possible when I insisted several times on buying him a meal because I felt sorry that he kept getting treated repeatedly. On top of that, there was having tutoring sessions while drinking beverages outside. Occasional light walks through the park.

That was all. What Jihyuk was doing. Was there really anything to tell Jiwon about? Was that a reason to ask a student like Jiwon for help?

“First, first calm down. Jiwon… Just a moment.”

He spoke in a calm tone and first detached Jiwon’s hand. Then he gently placed it on his lap. He was anxious, but he silently looked into his eyes.

“First of all… what you’re worried about, there’s nothing like that. Jihyuk and I don’t do anything. We just eat. And have tutoring outside. That’s it. So you don’t have to risk anything to do something for me.”

“Teacher. That’s because Jihyuk is…”

“And separate from that, I’ll… pretend I didn’t hear what you said. Otherwise, I can’t continue tutoring you.”

At his firm words, Jiwon shut his mouth. He looked quite shocked. But it seemed he had expected this answer to some extent, as he could not immediately protest.

“Yes, money… As you know, it’s true I’m tutoring because I need money. But I… I… can’t tutor a student who says he likes me. It might sound ridiculous to you, who knows all about my situation, but that’s how I am.”

“……”

“I’ll take your warning about Jihyuk to heart. But… we really don’t do much. So don’t worry. …And.”

“……”

“I’d appreciate it if you… never bring this up again.”

Jiwon, whose lips had been quivering as if to say something, hung his head low. He could see clear drops of water falling onto his lap again. Drip.

Seeing Jiwon cry was not a pleasant experience for him either. Because he, too, was fond of this kid as a student. With a long sigh, he pulled out a couple of tissues from the box on the desk and carefully placed them on the kid’s lap.

“…Then I’ll be going. The next tutoring time… let’s set it later.”

With those words, he closed Jiwon’s door and came out. After tutoring, Jiwon would always see him off to the front door with a smiling face, or walk him across the garden to the main gate. Jiwon, seen through the closing gap of the door, still had his head hung low.

He felt conflicted. He let out a sigh and quickly left the mansion. The gradually dropping temperature was a welcome change. The wish for the exam to end soon so that all relationships here would come to an end, and the burden of having to save up a large sum of money by then, overlapped and weighed heavily on his mind.

📖

“Done. That’s it for today.”

He took a new handout out of his bag, flipped through a couple of pages, folded the corner into a triangle, and handed it to Jihyuk.

“From the beginning… just up to here. It would be good if you could solve it.”

“Okay.”

It was the first time in a while that they had a tutoring session at home.

Lately, having tutoring at a cafe every day, eating dinner, and then going home had become a habit. That was why Jihyuk’s suggestion to have the session at home for the first time in a while felt rather unfamiliar. Of course, he had come in the car Jihyuk sent, but still, the fact that the destination was not a street or a downtown area, but Jihyuk’s room, thick with his scent, made him tense for the first time in a long while.

Therefore, Jihyuk’s attitude of obediently listening to the lesson today felt quite commendable to him.

“You’re doing well. If you just keep this up in math, you’ll probably get a perfect score.”

No matter how difficult and troublesome a student Jihyuk was to handle, as a teacher, it was a proud thing to watch Jihyuk’s skills gradually improve. He put his writing utensils into his pencil case and smiled slightly as he praised Jihyuk.

Jihyuk, who had been staring at him, suddenly snatched his wrist and yanked him sharply towards him. His body was pulled against his will. The bag he had been organizing on his lap fell to the floor with a thud. Thud. He automatically frowned at the sight of the writing utensils scattering. Clatter.

“What is it again—!”

“Don’t just say it.”

Jihyuk smirked, his gaze chasing him persistently.

“Hmm?”

At Jihyuk’s urging, he let out a short sigh. By now, when he spoke like this, he had a rough idea of what this kid wanted. Although he still did not know the reason why he did this.

He knew why he demanded this behavior when they were tutoring outside. To show this side of them to the person Jiwon had consistently assigned to watch them. It was probably to deliberately get such pictures taken to provoke Jiwon. Probably.

It was absurd and dumbfounding to be used in this way. But he, who needed money, was thoroughly in the subordinate position in his relationship with Jihyuk. Eating, tutoring, and if he did well, praising him for it. His own constant self-justification, thinking, It’s just that much, isn’t it okay? also contributed to his resigned acceptance of Jihyuk’s actions.

But why on earth was he doing this in his own room, where no one was watching? No matter how much he thought about it, he really did not know. When he glared at Jihyuk without a response, the kid called him in a teasing manner with a wide grin.

“Hurry. Hmm? Jeonghyun.”

A deep dimple formed next to Jihyuk’s mouth as he raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“Woo Jihyuk. You can’t just use my first name—!”

“That’s because you keep making me wait, Teacher.”

And Jihyuk was still sitting on top of his head. The rudeness that had crossed the line was so infuriating that it had reached the point where only a hollow laugh would come out.

Jihyuk, who was laughing out loud, hahaha, as if something was so amusing, pulled his wrist again. Letting out a long sigh, he had no choice but to place his hand on Jihyuk’s head. Rustle, rustle. As he stroked the short hair that wrapped around his fingers, Jihyuk’s sharp eyes softened.

“…Good job, Jihyuk.”

At his small voice, Jihyuk’s smiling eyes crinkled even more. At some point, Jihyuk had forced him to praise him like this if he was going to praise him at all.

His own puppet-like state, doing as the kid told him, was beyond belief. But why was it that even so, a physiological revulsion did not well up?

When I go home after this, Jihyuk’s face, looking purely happy while being petted by me, strangely comes to mind from time to time. When I’m quietly washing the dishes with the water running, or when I go out to throw away the trash and gaze at the crescent moon, or just before I fall asleep, pulling up the thin single-layer blanket by myself. At moments like those.

“Then I’ll be going now—”

“Teacher.”

Jihyuk, still sitting in his chair, turned his body around and called out to him as he was about to stand up.

“Yes?”

“Let’s go out and eat today.”

Jihyuk’s sudden words were nothing new. After all, they often ate together even on days they did not have tutoring. Lately, in particular, Jihyuk acted as if he had his evenings free every day. He, who had quietly accepted that proposal almost every day, shook his head for a rare change today.

“Sorry. I have plans today.”

“Plans?”

Jihyuk’s eyebrows furrowed menacingly.

“What plans? I know perfectly well you don’t have any friends, Teacher.”

He momentarily flared up at Jihyuk’s provocation, which was said in a teasing manner.

“…Haaah… Fine. I don’t have friends. But I still have people to meet. Anyway, I can’t hang out with you today.”

Today was finally the day he would meet Taejun hyung. Hyung had arrived in Korea a few days ago, and as soon as he finished unpacking, he had contacted him, saying he wanted to meet.

He, too, had gladly accepted Taejun hyung’s call. It was the first time in a very long while that he was meeting someone. During the vacation, his schedule was hard to find anything in other than tutoring, home, the hospital, and meetings with Jihyuk, even if he searched high and low. That was why he could not help but be extremely happy to receive Taejun hyung’s message asking to meet up for some meat and a drink after so long.

It was almost five o’clock now, and the time he was supposed to meet Taejun hyung was six. There was no more time to argue with Jihyuk in this room. The moment he turned around to leave the room, his wrist was caught. Grab.

“Who is it.”

Jihyuk’s voice was low and sunken.

“Who are you meeting.”

Not a single trace of the warmth from a moment ago, when he was being petted and playing around, could be found. It was absurd. He tried to shake off the unpleasantly caught wrist.

“Why is that any of your busi—!”

“You, fucking son of a bitch…”

Jihyuk spat out a curse under his breath. An unpleasant shiver ran down his entire body. With a grip that was incomparable to when he was playing around just before, he pulled him. Ugh. He let out a groan and could only be dragged helplessly. Jihyuk, who had seized his arm forcefully, threw him onto the bed just like that.

“Tell me. Who, are you meeting.”

Thump. His body bounced violently on the bed. A sense of foreboding enveloped his whole body. The fact that he was thrown and lying on Jihyuk’s bed as helplessly as last time made him feel both humiliation and shame.

Jihyuk pressed down on his body and slowly climbed onto his waist. Looking down at him with chilling eyes, he was silently pressing for an answer by raising his eyebrows. Licking his parched lips with his tongue, he answered with difficulty.

“Just, someone… someone I know…”

He did not know why. It was just an instinct. The thought that he should not say the person he was meeting was Taejun hyung. However, at his answer, Jihyuk’s menacing aura only grew more sinister.

“So you meet people you don’t know? Stop talking nonsense.”

The grip of Jihyuk’s hands holding both his wrists tightened. Agh. A sound escaped him involuntarily.

“Answer properly.”

“It’s an older brother I know! An older brother!”

His wrists hurt so much that tears welled up in his eyes in an instant. Even with the answer he had screamed out, Jihyuk’s mood did not improve at all. On the contrary, he ground down on his wrists, pressing them with an even stronger grip.

“An older brother I know? It’s that bastard, isn’t it. The one you saved separately last time.”

“…No. It’s just…”

“If you lie, you should know you won’t be leaving here today.”

Despite the vague, half-hearted information, Jihyuk’s sharp intuition hit the mark with the chilling accuracy of an animal. Jihyuk’s eyes, as he spoke so murderously, were already no longer sane.

Whoever I was meeting, why on earth? I couldn’t understand why he was this angry. But the pain in my captured wrist was so bad I couldn’t think of anything else. On the verge of tears, I stammered out a reply.

“Why, why are you really doing this… Why on earth, to me…”

“Just don’t go.”

Jihyuk’s savage words fell heavily onto my chest.

“If you’re not going to tell me who it is, don’t go.”

“Stop being so unreasonable, who do you think you are! Why should I tell you that! Let go of me right now!”

No matter how much I struggled, it was useless. The force tightening around my wrist was now beginning to feel frightening. It truly felt like my wrist was about to break. Pale with fear and pain, I widened my eyes and blurted out whatever came to mind.

“You’re right, that hyung, it’s him. Please let go, this…! My wrist, my wrist is going to break!”

The moment I answered, the pressure eased slightly. Panting for breath, pant, pant, I glared at Jihyuk with tear-filled eyes. But in my blurry, tear-streaked vision, Jihyuk’s form didn’t come into clear focus. I blinked hard, letting tears stream down, and then screamed.

“Let go of this! I told you who I’m meeting. I said let go, ugh…!”

My screaming mouth clamped shut. At the same time, my eyes flew wide open. One of my tightly gripped wrists was yanked upwards, stopping in front of Jihyuk’s face. Before I could even understand what was happening, Jihyuk opened his mouth, took the tender flesh on the inside of my wrist into his mouth, and bit down hard. Bite.

“Aaargh!”

A shrill scream shot out from my throat. It wasn’t with enough force to tear the skin off, but it was strong enough for his teeth to dig into the flesh underneath. Tears once again streamed down the side of my face, next to my ears. Sob. A cry burst from my throat.
Jihyuk bent his body, pressing me down with his full weight as I struggled. As his hot body temperature covered my skin, a thick scent hit my nose. Whoosh. My stomach churned violently. I was flailing desperately beneath him, my eyes a mess of tears, trying to blink them away, when suddenly something hot touched the corner of my eye.

“Ah…!”

The wet flesh gathered the liquid that was soaking my entire eye. My whole body trembled at the completely unexpected contact. Flinch. For a moment, the feeling of bewilderment overtook my fear. As soon as I realized that the excessively hot thing that had touched and pulled away from my eye was Jihyuk’s tongue, a shiver ran down my spine.

I stared up at Jihyuk, my mouth agape. I was so shocked that neither a scream nor a groan would come out. Jihyuk, with me subdued beneath him, looked down expressionlessly. Looking into his cold eyes that held my reflection, the incident that had just occurred felt like a delusion.

“Ri, ght now… right now… what, what was…”

But the stammering words completely lost their momentum and cut off there. It was because Jihyuk’s gaze, looking down at me without even blinking, was directed at my blankly parted lips.

Flickering behind that sharp, cold gaze was, unmistakably, carnal desire for me.

“This, please let go of this…!”

In that moment, a chilling thrill ran through my entire body. A bottomless fear that if I stayed pinned under Jihyuk like this, I would be chewed up and devoured without a trace, bleached my mind white.

The creepy feeling made even the tears that had been streaming down my face dry up. Plop, plop. I struggled with all the strength I had, like an animal that had been chased and finally cornered. I had a gut feeling that if I couldn’t get out of here right now, something irreversible would happen.

Jihyuk’s room was at the very end of the second floor, and the chances of someone coming to save me, no matter what happened to me here, were extremely slim. But the result would probably be the same even if Jihyuk’s room were in the middle of the first floor. I had never seen anyone enter this room except when Jihyuk called for an employee.

“Please, just let go of this…!”

Suddenly, my wrist was released. Considering I had been worried my bones might break, the gesture was so devoid of lingering attachment it felt almost anticlimactic.

“Hah… Heok… Hah…”

“……”

For a moment, neither of us spoke. Only the sound of my ragged breathing echoed loudly in the room. My face flushed red, I coughed a couple of times. My throat hadn’t been constricted, but strangely, I felt breathless and suffocated.

I tried bending and unbending my fingers, which wouldn’t move properly. They had been gripped so tightly that the fingertips were deathly pale, like a corpse. The tingling sensation as feeling returned was unpleasant.

I clutched one wrist with my other hand and glared at Jihyuk with tear-filled eyes.

“What, what is this. You really need to know your limits!”

A harsh silence fell. The void, devoid of any mockery or sarcasm, was instead a heavy weight strangling my throat.

It felt like an eternity. This moment where Jihyuk was just quietly taking me in with his eyes. My mouth closed on its own. I had only been trapped by his body on the bed, yet it felt as if there wasn’t enough oxygen.

Only then did I realize. The reason I had been feeling suffocated a moment ago. It was because of the pressure, like being cornered in a dead-end alley and about to be swallowed even by the wall I was pushed against. The silence he maintained felt so cruel that I found myself wishing he would just open his mouth, even if it was to say something nasty.

After a long while, Jihyuk finally spoke.

“Be home before twelve.”

“…What?”

“Get home before midnight, and call me.”

I was so dumbfounded by the blatant interference that I was at a loss for words. As I just moved my lips, unable to speak, Jihyuk continued with an expressionless face.

“If you don’t, I’ll do things my way.”

📖

Hiss, the subway doors opened with a sound. Mixed in with the countless people, I was pushed out of the subway and staggered onto the escalator. To others, my face probably looked like that of a person whose soul had left their body.

What on earth… was that just now.

Confusing thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. Jihyuk was always an unknown quantity to me, an unpredictable variable. It would be faster to count the things he did to me that I actually understood. That’s how selfish he was, always trying to bend me to his will.

But today’s Jihyuk was more difficult than usual. It was clearly different from before, when he would poke and prod at me, but his actions were tinged with a thick layer of playfulness.

When Jihyuk made that kind of contact with me, the reason I shivered with a creepy feeling wasn’t just because of the act itself. It was because of his disconcertingly thick and dark gaze. It was the look of someone deeply desiring the object before them. It was the hot, swollen flesh that had pressed down on my thigh, and it was the attitude of a natural-born predator who, despite all that, had no intention of hiding any of it.

The moment I realized that, my breath caught in my throat. I couldn’t stand the confusion. The fact that a student I was teaching was lusting after me was something that surpassed any threshold I could endure.

‘Teacher, he’s really dangerous. If by any chance, just by any chance he falls for you, I really don’t know what he’ll do then.’

Jiwon’s tearful warning from a few days ago came to mind.

At the time, I thought Jiwon was just saying that out of jealousy from seeing me and Jihyuk together. Seeing Jiwon, who had completely lost his composure, I even had the bitter thought, So this is why Jihyuk is playing such a nasty prank. I was so preoccupied with processing the bewildering confession I received from Jiwon that I had pushed his warning to the back of my mind.

Because not only was Jihyuk not gay, but he usually even detested gay people. I didn’t know the detailed circumstances, but I had guessed that the reason Jihyuk hated Jiwon so much was not only because he had injured his hand, but also because of Jiwon’s secret orientation.

There was no way a Jihyuk like that could feel those kinds of emotions for me. It was a Jihyuk who had consistently treated me, a gay man, with curiosity, like watching a monkey at the zoo, and had played pranks as if experimenting on me. For a kid like that to feel, towards me, that kind of, a desire so hard to even put into words…

It’s impossible.

I shook my head vigorously. No way. It must have just been the whim of that arrogant brat. Since he was a ferocious and violent kid from the start, he must have gotten angry because I said I couldn’t have dinner with him. That’s all it is. There’s no way a kid who detested people like me could feel that kind of, that kind of impulse towards me.

I squeezed my eyes shut until yellow and black dots scattered like popping candy before my closed lids, then opened them again. Trying my best to calm my emotions, I looked at the clock. There were still about ten minutes left until the meeting time, and I had almost arrived at the location.

After checking my surroundings and confirming that Taejun hyung hadn’t arrived yet, I quickly went into a convenience store and bought a medicated patch. I ran into the restroom, took out the large patch, and examined the spot to apply it.

A bright red handprint was clearly imprinted on my wrist. Anyone could tell it was the mark of being forcibly grabbed. Furthermore, the situation on the right side was a bit more serious. I figured the ugly bite mark would probably turn into a dark bruise by tomorrow.

It was a ridiculous sight. I clicked my tongue and applied patches to both wrists. I couldn’t meet Taejun hyung in this state. Fortunately, the patch was so large that even with a clumsy application, it covered all the handprints.

I came out of the restroom and headed out of exit 2, the meeting spot. Arriving just on time, I let out another sigh. I had never once arrived this late for a meeting with Taejun hyung. Usually, I would come about fifteen minutes early and wait, and Taejun hyung would arrive on time or about five minutes late.

Soon after, Taejun hyung appeared from the direction of the public parking lot.

“Jeonghyun!”

“Hyung.”

Hyung’s eyes widened as he smiled and spread his arms in an exaggerated tone. I also smiled brightly and briefly embraced him before we pulled apart. His once healthy-looking face had become slightly gaunt, as if to prove the heartache he had gone through over the past few weeks.

“Why does it feel like it’s been so long?”

“It has been a long time. Hasn’t it been a few months already?”

“I think so. Let’s see, I didn’t see you for a while before I went to the States either.”

I looked at Taejun hyung, who was trying to calculate how long it had been, with a somewhat awkward gaze. When I look at hyung right in front of me like this, it sinks in all over again. The fact that my heated emotions had died out long ago, before they even had a chance to properly bloom, and that because of that, I can now be so calm even while looking at him.

Suddenly, Taejun hyung narrowed his eyes.

“You, you don’t seem very happy to see me?”

“…What? Of course not.”

“Yes, you do. Our Jeonghyun used to get so happy whenever he saw me, like a puppy wagging its tail.”

I just grinned at Taejun hyung’s playful words. The old memory of being hurt by every little thing he said like that surfaced faintly before quickly disappearing.

“Did something bad happen?”

“Ah, no. What are you talking about… Anyway, let’s hurry. They said that place is a hot spot and needs a reservation, so I made one.”

“Oh, our Jeonghyun has good sense.”

The place we had chosen for our meeting today wasn’t too far from either my house or Taejun hyung’s. A familiar ease emanated from hyung’s face as he walked beside me, smiling. It seemed he was really all better now, with his mother’s situation and all. I, too, was glad to see his regained composure.

The barbecue restaurant was already half-full with people. The moderately noisy atmosphere is vibrant. As soon as we sat down at a round table, we ordered raw meat, and then filled the transparent glass cups that soon followed with soju.

“Let’s have a drink. Hey, you brat, you were the first person I called as soon as I unpacked.”

“Thank you.”

My words of thanks seemed a bit servile, but I didn’t know what else to say. Taejun hyung, who poured soju into my glass to the very brim as I smiled awkwardly and received it, handed me the soju bottle. I also poured soju into hyung’s glass with both hands.

We clinked our glasses and tilted our heads back at the same time, downing the clear liquid.

“Kuh, this is killer.”

“Haaa…”

The bitter liquid burned its way down my throat. I wasn’t a strong drinker to begin with, to the point where one shot would make me immediately tipsy.

But for today, I welcomed the alcohol that muddled my mind. The confusing events from just a while ago, the warning I received from Jiwon a few days ago, Jeonghee’s situation, and my financial difficulties. I just wanted to let go of all of it for now. It was all too much.

“…hyun.”

“……”

“Jeonghyun! What are you thinking about so hard that you can’t hear someone calling you.”

“…Ah, hyung.”

Startled, I looked up to see Taejun hyung holding the mouth of the soju bottle out to me. I hastily grabbed my empty soju glass with both hands and received the alcohol. It was already the third glass.

“Is something wrong? Your expression is really not good.”

“Haha, no. What could be wrong…”

“Don’t be like that, tell me. I’ll help if there’s anything I can help with.”

“I told you there’s nothing. I’m really fine.”

I waved my hands dismissively and took the soju bottle from hyung. It’s not like anything would be resolved by telling hyung anyway. I couldn’t very well be honest and say, ‘Jiwon confessed to me, and his younger brother keeps being violent towards me.’

The more I thought about it, the more absurd it was, and a hollow laugh escaped me. Hyung looked at me strangely as I chuckled, pssh, pssh, and kept asking me what was wrong. Then he suddenly grabbed my wrist as I was putting down the soju bottle. Grab.

“…Ah!”

Startled, I let out a groan that was close to a scream and snatched my wrist away. The place hyung had grabbed was the same spot Jihyuk had fiercely gripped and pressed down on earlier. Taejun hyung looked surprised.

“What’s wrong? Does it hurt? And what’s that? Why are you wearing a patch when it’s hot?”

“Ah… It’s just, been a little… sore lately.”

I smiled awkwardly, thinking of Jihyuk’s handprint and the clear bite mark on the inside of my wrist. I tried to press down on the patch, which kept trying to fall off in the heat, with my palm. If Taejun hyung saw that, he would make a scene as if he was going to do something right away.

“What’s a young guy like you going to do if you’re already like this. Isn’t it because you’re nursing… your mother? It’s heavy when you change her position and all that. Or is it because of housework?”

“Haha… I guess so.”

Truthfully, as hyung said, when I go to see my mom, I do change her position once to prevent bedsores, but my mom, who has lost all her weight, is now almost nothing but skin and bones. Also, there was no way my wrist would give out from changing her position, something I did at most once a day. But since I didn’t have any other particular excuse, I just smiled and vaguely agreed.

One more soju bottle was added to the edge of the table. The tipsy feeling from the alcohol warmed my whole body moderately. With a flushed face from the pleasant intoxication, I smiled nonsensically. I really liked this state. I couldn’t think of anything.

“Jeonghyun. By the way, do you have to go home early?”

“Huh? That’s… no.”

“Then why do you keep looking at your watch?”

Ah. I made a blank expression. I must have been checking it unconsciously. I waved my hand with a sheepish smile.

“Ah, no. It’s nothing like that. Let’s drink, hyung.”

“Oh, okay.”

It was a little past ten o’clock now. It took a little over thirty minutes to get home, so I still had some time. As I casually calculated the time like that and raised my glass, I found it so absurd that I laughed out loud. Ha.

What am I even doing. Why am I abiding by the time Jihyuk set.

What is he to me. He’s just an immature and ferocious tutoring student. Why on earth am I anxiously checking the clock by myself, calculating the time to go home? He has probably already forgotten what he said to me and is doing his own thing.

The bitter liquid flowed down my throat again. I smiled and brushed off hyung’s words to drink slowly, and quickly poured alcohol into his empty glass.

📖

Contrary to my bold thoughts, I ended up bolting from my seat at eleven o’clock. By that time, both Taejun hyung and I were considerably drunk. As I awkwardly muttered that we should see each other next time and gathered my wallet and phone, Taejun hyung looked up at me with surprised eyes.

“You’re leaving already? I’m disappointed. You said you didn’t have anything urgent.”

“…Sorry, hyung. Next time…”

I tried my best to articulate my slightly slurring tongue properly and placed a hand on Taejun hyung’s arm as if to soothe him.

“Next time… I’ll buy you something more delicious.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. What are you buying for your hyung.”

“You promised. Today I, wait a minute. Hyung!”

But Taejun hyung, who had snorted, ended up snatching my card from me in front of the counter and holding out his own. After a few scuffles, I ended up being treated again and looked at Taejun hyung resentfully with a flushed face.

“Hyung. If you do this, I feel so embarrassed. You even introduced me to the tutoring job…”

“Brat, it’s more upsetting to count things like that between us. It’s fine, so you buy next time!”

Hyung, who had come out of the restaurant, called for a designated driver and suggested I ride with him. But I steadfastly refused. Unlike before, when he lived not too far away, hyung had moved a few years ago, and now our houses were quite far from each other.

And for a reason I couldn’t explain to hyung, I was also in a hurry. If I ran and caught the subway now, I would be able to get home without being too late.

“Hyung, see you next time.”

“You little brat, why are you in such a hurry? This is suspicious. Do you, by any chance… have a girlfriend?”

Hyung looked at me, smiling playfully. I shook my hand with a serious expression.

“It’s not like that. Hyung, I’m going now!”

“You’re going to fall, you brat. No matter how urgent your date is, be careful and go slowly!”

Taejun hyung teased me to the very end as he got into the car with the designated driver who had just arrived. I gave him a perfunctory bow and then ran into the subway station like a madman.

Beep. In the empty subway station, only the sound of my transit card being scanned echoed lonelily. I looked at the information board and saw that a subway had just arrived. My eyes widened on their own. Fortunately, the next train was the last one, not this one, but if I missed this, it might be a close call to make it by midnight.

“Heok… heok…”

I ran down to the platform as if my feet were on fire. Just as I precariously reached the last step, hiss… I heard the cruel sound of the subway doors closing.

Having missed the subway right before my eyes, I stood with a dazed expression, watching the train recede into the distance. My grip on my phone tightened on its own. I plopped down onto a chair in the empty subway station and let out a sigh, wiping my heated face with both hands.

‘…You pathetic fool.’

Pssh. A self-deprecating laugh burst out.

What on earth am I doing.

The afterimage that I had tried to press down heavily while laughing, drinking, and chatting with Taejun hyung slowly began to revive. My consciousness, hazy from the alcohol, brought the things I had experienced earlier to the surface without resistance.

At first, the atmosphere was definitely good. Throughout the tutoring session, Jihyuk quietly solved problems, and even joked and laughed, asking for praise. It had always been like that recently. But at some point, the mood had flipped like the palm of a hand.

…Why did it, I wonder. I furrowed my brows and searched through my mind, muddled with intoxication, but it was difficult to find the answer.

Definitely… right. Come to think of it, Jihyuk had asked me to have dinner with him. It seems his mood soured after I refused.

And when I came to my senses, Jihyuk was on top of me. Pinning me down like a cat pressing on a dying mouse with its claws, he was looking down at me.

He had thrown me onto the bed like this once before. There had been many times when Jihyuk had restrained my body with force and enjoyed my pained or bewildered reactions. But why did what happened today feel so unfamiliar? Why did I think that he felt that kind of dirty… emotion for me? I rubbed my flushed face over and over, trying hard to find a suitable answer.

…His eyes, which were always laughing as if it was fun to tease me, I don’t think they were laughing today.

I let out a second hot sigh and covered my face with my hands. I don’t know. Jihyuk, Jiwon, the emotions they were unilaterally pushing on me and forcing on me felt too overwhelming right now.

[The train bound for XX is now arriving.]

I had been lost in thought, and hearing the announcement, I was startled out of my reverie. So much time had passed that the next train was already arriving. That train was the last one for the day.

Clank, clank. The subway departed with an empty sound. Most of the seats were empty, with only a few drunkards or exhausted office workers scattered here and there.

The train ran slowly, and in proportion to that, my heart began to beat faster and faster. My pale hands fidgeted with my phone, and eventually, I wiped my sweat-dampened hands on my pants and called Jihyuk.

But only an endless ringing tone sounded; Jihyuk didn’t answer the phone.

‘Pathetic fool. Idiot.’