NANOM Ch 1

If one were to define Woo Jihyuk in a single phrase, what word would be fitting.

He was a boy whose disposition was dreadfully cruel and dark. He possessed an atmosphere so heavy that if you stood close to him, it felt as though you would be stained by the darkness he cast and eventually be consumed by it, that sort of person.

And yet, despite all that, Woo Jihyuk was an exceptional guy. His disposition tinged with audacity and cruelty, his ability to sway his surroundings as he pleased, and even his physical appearance, of all things.

He possessed overwhelmingly more than anyone around him, and he knew how to utilize it all in the right place at the right time, as if by some ghostly instinct. It was precisely that proficiency that was unbecoming of his age. To a grotesque degree.

He was, in a word, a prodigy, Woo Jihyuk was.

The first time I saw him, the boy was merely nineteen. But the aura he exuded was entirely unsuited for that fresh age. If you hide a rotting corpse, can you also hide the stench that subtly seeps out? I didn’t know what on earth he had killed and stacked neatly inside himself during his nineteen years of life, but Woo Jihyuk gave off a scent that a sheltered rich boy would never, ever have.

It was a very dark and sinister scent.

When I first saw him, I had definitely sensed danger. Having lived for 22 years, I had been through my own share of trials and tribulations, and being specialized in surviving alone, I instinctively knew how to observe others.

But no matter how strong and tenaciously I had survived, I too was just a 22-year-old kid. The voice inside me was clearly screaming to run away, but instead of kicking away a golden opportunity based on an uncertain feeling, I chose the money being offered right in front of my nose.

It was a matter of course. My mother’s hospital bills were urgent, and I was busy just trying to make ends meet. Instead of running, I dismissed the sharp siren sound that seemed to tear at my ears as something ringing from a very distant place. I shook it off as if it had nothing to do with me.

But that was the greatest mistake of my life, and it caught my life by the ankle and tripped it over entirely.

Despite my still-immature age, which should have allowed for such a mistake to be graciously forgiven and overlooked, that mistake became a poison that killed me outright. There was no room for the kind of childish indulgence that should have been allotted to someone as naive as me. I was that unlucky.

📖

The day I first met him was incredibly hot.

I didn’t have a car, so I transferred between the subway and buses several times to get to Hannam-d**g, the place I was referred to. Usually, when looking for part-time jobs or tutoring positions, I don’t go to places with such a long commute unless the pay is exceptionally high. This was because, to manage a tight schedule and the two tutoring jobs I already had, I had to split and use even the smallest scraps of time.

This time, however, it was a situation where I ought to buy an expensive meal for Taejun-hyung, the one who introduced me to this job. A family matter had come up for his family in America, and the period Taejun-hyung needed to be away was three weeks; all I had to do was fill in for him for just those three weeks.

And even then, it was just to talk lightly about the studies I was doing as a Korea University senior, and to point out a few areas of weakness. That was all I had to do. Yet the compensation for it was substantial. To the point where not a single complaint arose about coming all this way, sweating profusely while transferring between the subway and buses several times.

The student hyung had been teaching was a twenty-year-old boy who, he said, had a weak constitution and had just barely managed to finish school. After finishing surgery and convalescence, he had decided to go to university as his body gradually recovered. So, unlike his peers who took the CSAT last year, he was said to be taking the exam this year.

‘He’s a good student to begin with. He has a gentle personality, and he isn’t a j**k. It’ll be comfortable, probably.’

‘Thanks, hyung. When you get back, I’ll treat you to some meat.’

‘Jeez, as if I’d let you spend your money on me.’

‘But why do they need me, specifically? It seems like he could just study on his own.’

‘You’re in the physics department, aren’t you? Looks like he wants to go to that department too. He just wants to meet a senior from Korea University. Said it would be a fresh stimulus.’

Since I was already tutoring two students, I had a rough idea of how to teach. But the two students I was currently teaching were, if I had to say, not exactly top-tier students, and the boy I was going to see today was said to be quite skilled. The better the student, the greater the burden on the teacher.

Therefore, before coming to this house, I had prepared intensely until late at night in a state of high tension. Though Taejun-hyung, who had actually introduced me, had spoken with a somewhat optimistic attitude, telling me not to be too nervous.

“…This is the place, he said.”

After checking the address I received from Taejun-hyung against a picture of the front of the house several times, I rang the bell. A moment later, with a click, the main gate opened.

Stepping inside the enormous gate, I let out a silent gasp of admiration. Even while walking across the endlessly wide garden, my eyes were busy taking in the sights I was seeing for the first time in my life.

The garden, densely wooded with nameless trees, was better described by the word forest rather than garden. After seeing the pond dug in a corner of the yard as if it were a matter of course, and the ducks swimming leisurely upon it, I gave up on trying to understand this scenery from a commoner’s perspective. A pond in a house… and ducks.

After crossing the garden for a good while, I finally arrived at a place where small buildings were lined up. The student I was to teach was in the west annex, I was told. I once again took out my phone and checked the picture Taejun-hyung had sent me. Ivy vines entangled on red brick. It looked just like a scaled-down version of some European library.

Swallowing hard, I pressed the bell attached to the annex door.

—Come in.

A dry female voice was heard, and the door clicked open. Taking a deep breath, I pulled the door open. Taejun-hyung’s voice, saying it was a sweet part-time job for just 3 weeks, came to mind once again. I had come with a light heart, but suddenly I became so nervous my back grew cold with sweat. I felt a newfound respect for Taejun-hyung. To tutor at a place like this every week so nonchalantly.

“This way, please.”

A woman in a black dress who had been standing in front of the entrance bowed her head upon seeing me. In a daze, I bent my waist and returned the bow. Holding my breath, I followed the woman, who appeared to be an employee.

The scenery inside the house, just like the garden, was enough to completely captivate the beholder. Taejun-hyung said the main house was even more so, I wonder what that’s like… Lost in thought and looking around, I stopped at the same time as the employee who had halted her steps.

A middle-aged woman sitting on the sofa looked at me and snapped the book she was reading shut.

“Welcome, Mr. Kim.”

“Ah! H-hello…”

She was a woman with a considerable presence. I didn’t know much about luxury brands, but I could guess that the clothes the woman was wearing would cost anywhere from hundreds of thousands to tens of millions of won.

But it wasn’t just her attire that made me feel intimidated. The gaze that scanned me had a strange power that pressed a person down. Crushed by her aura, my ambition to greet her confidently dissipated in an instant. I hesitantly folded my waist in half to bow, and the woman gave a light nod.

“You’ve heard what you need to do from Mr. Han, right? Just lightly go over Physics 2 with him. Our boy studies well on his own anyway, but he said rather than just self-studying for 3 weeks, he’d like to meet a senior from the same department at Korea University for a refresh, so you just need to accommodate that.”

“Yes, I understand.”

At the main point, which came pouring out without any common pleasantries, I straightened my back. The woman’s—that is, the madam of this house’s—tone was as natural as if the student had already been accepted into Korea University’s physics department.

But I nodded my head without feeling much dissonance. I had already heard from Taejun-hyung that the student studied well, and besides, a family of this caliber would surely get him admitted, even if it meant building an entire building on the Korea University campus.

“It’s the last room on the 2nd floor, so go on up.”

“Yes, I’ll do my best.”

With those words, the madam stood up, opened the door opposite her, and went inside. I awkwardly bowed at her retreating back. Just before the door closed, I heard a murmur. “He’s definitely still a kid. Different from Mr. Han.”

It wasn’t a comment intended for me to hear, but I clenched my fists, which were 괜스레 sweaty. I felt a renewed sense of relief that I was only doing this for 3 weeks.

Once even the employee had disappeared somewhere, I was left alone in the spacious drawing room. I stepped firmly on each of the marble stairs as I went up.

But, which end room did she say?

The doors lined up like a corridor all looked identical. Come to think of it, I had no memory of hearing from the madam whether the student’s room was on the left or the right.

I should probably go back down and ask, but seeing how she had closed the door and gone in as soon as she delivered her message, she would probably find it quite bothersome. But I couldn’t just open any door either… I was in a difficult spot.

Ah, come to think of it, I had the student’s number that Taejun-hyung gave me. Just as I was about to take out my phone to contact the student, the door to the far-right room suddenly opened slightly.

My eyes widened and a smile stealthily crept onto my lips. That must be it. He opened the door to time with my arrival. What a relief.

My steps quickened with a faint sense of gladness. I strode towards the room at the far right, and the moment I grabbed the handle of the open door and carefully turned it, I was shoved back, colliding with a huge force.

“Ah!”

A single scream escaped my lips. I grimaced, clutching my throbbing nose and cheek with my hand from the hard impact with the door. And in the next moment, I had no choice but to doubt my ears.

“Ah, f**k.”

It was the most menacing voice I had ever heard in my life.

A voice as dry as a barren wasteland where no rain had fallen for hundreds of days. I slowly raised my eyes toward the source of that voice.

An incredibly tall boy was standing right in front of me. Twenty years old, they said. But the boy did not seem his age at all. My gaze, which had traveled past his surprisingly developed shoulders and chest for his age, his thick neck, and up to his sharp jaw, came to a sudden halt. As if I had hit some kind of speed bump, my eyes just wouldn’t go up any further.

“What are you?”

Once again, the chillingly low voice asked. It was a voice filled with palpable displeasure. Only then did I fully raise my gaze and meet his eyes. The moment his gaze and mine became entangled, a shiver ran down my spine.

Monalidded eyes, long and slanted, were staring at me. His pupils were smaller than an average person’s, so a bit of the whites of his eyes were visible below the irises.

Don’t people usually say their eyes met? But strangely, the moment our eyes first met, I had a feeling that it was of a slightly different nature than with other people. It wasn’t about meeting his gaze on an equal footing; it felt like mine was being absorbed into his eyes. Looking at the eyes that ensnared me as if to s**k me dry, I felt both revulsion and discomfort at the same time.

I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. Yet, it was also difficult to meet his gaze comfortably. It was as if I had taken a wrong step into a thick swamp. I felt like I had encountered a giant crocodile, hidden and aiming for its prey with only its eyes showing.

‘You said he was gentle and nice… Taejun-hyung.’

I subconsciously bit my lip, quickly lowering my eyes. I couldn’t understand why on earth Taejun-hyung had given me such false information. Was it because he was worried I’d be nervous? The tutoring student in my imagination was a frail and nice boy…

The boy standing in front of me now looked neither frail nor nice. He slowly tilts his head, taking me in with his eyes. As if he were trying to gauge what I would do next, what I would say.

I made a mistake.

That short sentence was stamped clearly in my mind. From the moment I lowered my eyes, I had already lost the initial battle of wills with this student.

A sense of defeat arrived simultaneously with a sense of dismay. A battle of wills with a mere student might sound ridiculous, but establishing dominance is important. All the more so if it’s not a relationship between equals.

In the pyramid-like classrooms of my school days, I had no interest in such power struggles. From the start, I was not the type of person to reign over others. But that didn’t mean I was used to being dominated by someone else, either. Although my family was dirt poor, at the school I attended, there were many kids who were worse off than me.

I rarely felt inferior among the kids who had nothing and no background, and who didn’t even study on top of that. I, too, had nothing and no background, but I was good at one thing: studying.

My face… it’s a bit much to say it myself, but I was the type to get confessed to by girls once or twice every time a new semester started. I had never accepted those confessions because there was someone else I liked.

That unrequited love, which could never be, lingered for a long time in my immature heart, gently festering, and I had no intention of digging it out. The object of this crush, which I carried with me like a low-grade fever throughout my school days, was none other than Taejun-hyung, and it was only after I entered university that I neatly folded up those feelings and threw them all away.

Anyway, I could have asserted the things I had and gotten by in school among the other kids, but I didn’t. The reason for that was none other than my personality. I hated standing out and wanted to be buried in the crowd like I was dead. I was uninterested in the boys’ ranking fights.

I never thought I would have to engage in such a childish act of trying to gain the upper hand even after becoming a university student. But unfortunately, I had a more youthful appearance than others, and that was not at all beneficial in a position where I had to teach students. If students looked down on me, I couldn’t raise their grades, and if I couldn’t raise their grades, I would be fired within a few months.

Therefore, from the very beginning, I had to impress upon the students that I was not some naive university student who was only a few years older than them, but a teacher who had to control and teach them. That act, which seemed trivial, was essential for survival among the male students.

Steeling my resolve, I raised my gaze again. I met the eyes of the boy who was still staring at me with a piercing gaze. His loosely half-lidded eyes showed no interest or will towards me, yet they were fierce and sharp.

His long, closed lips parted, and once again, a voice like a cutting wind poured out.

“I asked what you are.”

My heart pounded unpleasantly. The most urgent thing to address was the informal speech. No matter how ridiculous I may have seemed to him, this was not right. Even if it was only for 3 weeks and the pay was high, I had no intention of teaching while being spoken to informally by a student.

I l**ked my lips once with my tongue and said firmly.

“The informal speech… could you not? After all, I’m the teacher who came to teach Jiwon.”

The boy narrowed his eyes, making a face as if he’d heard something he shouldn’t have. Then he let out a small, dry laugh. But I clenched my fists and steadfastly continued.

“Uh… my greeting was late. I came here on the introduction of Taejun-hyung… I mean, Mr. Han. Shall we go inside and talk?”

I tried to sound gentle yet authoritative, but did I speak too stiffly, like a robot? Was it a bit awkward? What if he thinks I’m ridiculous? He doesn’t seem like an ordinary kid either.

Such thoughts floated around in my head like scattered puzzle pieces. But I tried not to reveal my confused state, and with a deliberately proficient glance, I gestured towards the inside of the room. And in a softly commanding tone, I said once more.

“Let’s go inside.”

But the thick body blocking the doorway had no intention of moving.

The boy, leaning casually against the doorframe, made no movement even after hearing my words. The only thing that changed was his expression.

His long eyebrows gradually furrowed. In his impossibly arrogant eyes, there was no sign of the surprise or astonishment one would expect after I revealed I was his teacher.

But this time, I didn’t back down and looked up at him. Sweat pooled in my clenched fists. This battle of wills felt exceptionally difficult. It felt like facing a huge beast in a dead-end alley.

‘Don’t lose, don’t be scared. If you look away here, it’s over.’

Repeating this to myself over and over, I put strength into my gaze and continued to meet his eyes. It was almost at the level of a glare.

The boy, who had been receiving my gaze for a short while, suddenly burst out laughing with a poof. While the low laughter tickled my ears, I silently watched him.

The way he was chuckling to himself was the very expression of the delinquent kids I used to see in high school. The kind of expression they’d make after telling a joke that wasn’t funny at all in front of many kids, and they’d all laugh among themselves, finding it hilarious, all except for the person who had been insulted.

Still wearing an amused smile, the boy suddenly opened his mouth.

“The teacher who came to teach student Woo Jiwon.”

“……”

“Were you offended by my informal speech?”

He mimicked the words I had said, a smile playing on his lips. Although on the surface he was speaking in polite honorifics, his attitude clearly revealed an intention of mockery. The slow, song-like drawl of the honorifics felt far more insulting than the condescending informal speech from before.

That was extremely unpleasant. I put strength into my eyes and impulsively shot back a reply.

“Yeah. It is… unpleasant. I’d appreciate it if you’d be a little more careful in the future.”

Even after saying it, I wondered if I had gone too far. Acting so servile in front of the madam earlier, and now putting on a brave front with the student. I felt a little regret, but I couldn’t take back my words now.

The boy was still silent. But there was a different glint in his eyes than before. What filled his black eyes, which had shown no emotion, was—if I wasn’t mistaken—undoubtedly interest.

Yes. This boy was finding this situation very amusing.

“Ah… I should be careful, you say.”

The boy started laughing again. The sound of his chuckles floated around, teasing me. My heart began to pound at his obvious ridicule.

Originally, I was the type who disliked fighting. That meant I was neither strong nor accustomed to fights.

The tips of my ears started to turn red. Foolishly, my hands began to tremble slightly too. But I said nothing more and waited. Now it was this boy’s turn to apologize, or correct himself, or be sarcastic once more.

But the words that came out of the boy’s mouth were something else entirely.

“But, you’ve got the wrong person. Woo Jiwon’s teacher.”

“…Huh?”

And upon hearing his next words, I was so flustered that my eyes widened.

“I’m not Woo Jiwon. Who are you calling a fucking r**ard like that, it’s pissing me off.”

At the profanity that came out without hesitation, I was at a loss for words for a moment and bit my lip. But what was more bewildering than the swearing was something else.

I had been doing this while holding onto the wrong person. My earlobes grew hot. But then, if this boy isn’t Woo Jiwon, who is he?

A brother? Are they on very bad terms? I hadn’t heard from Taejun-hyung about another brother… Then again, there’s no obligation for him to hand over information about sibling relationships for a mere 3-week tutoring substitute job.

In any case, I had to resolve this situation and quickly go to Woo Jiwon.

“Ah, uh… I must have, made a mistake. Sorry.”

I cleared my throat with a k-hem and spoke, but for some reason, the words I uttered felt endlessly shabby. In my shame, I fiddled with the handle of the bag I brought and averted my gaze. I just wanted to get out of this place quickly. I already felt a sense of exhaustion, as if I had just come out of a long swim.

“Then… uh, by any chance, student Woo Jiwon… could you tell me where he is?”

Unlike my bold speech just moments ago, my momentum had rapidly lost its force. Suddenly, this boy was no longer an entity to be subdued and controlled, but the only person who could give me directions in this vast mansion.

But seeing the corners of the boy’s mouth stretch wide, I had a hunch that this boy would not let me find student Woo Jiwon so easily.

“I don’t want to.”

His smiling face could only be described as handsome. His eyes, unknowable like a black swamp, still exuded a sense of pressure, but the long stretch of his lips and the deep dimples made him look mischievous as well.

That’s why it was even more chilling. Because the bright smile and the viscous gaze were not harmonious at all. It was like a child holding a knife with a smile.

He slowly leans his smiling face towards me. The top of my head only reached his chin. As his face approached mine, I felt like a weak prey animal being toyed with in the claws of a beast, the fine hairs on my ears standing on end.

He parted his lips as if to whisper into my ear.

“Teacher.”

A voice as viscous as tar flowed through my ear and was smeared roughly onto my insides. At that time, I did not know how this voice would devour me in the future, but I could feel that a red light had clearly turned on just one step ahead.

It was an instinct for survival. The ability to naturally find an escape route in front of a strong and intimidating presence. It was a sense that was bound to develop naturally for a person like me, who had nothing to have and nothing to believe in.

At that moment, a cry that was like a scream was heard from behind.

“Teacher!”

From a distance, a small-statured boy was heading this way, almost running. Seeing his eyes wide as if he’d seen a ghost, I bit my lip in dismay.

I could tell at a single glance. That this was the ‘gentle and nice boy’ Taejun-hyung had mentioned. And that I had been very, very mistaken.

“…Are you student Woo Jiwon, by any chance?”

I barely managed to open my mouth and ask. The student with large eyes nodded his head vigorously. And yet, his gaze quickly shifted to the boy standing next to me. His furtive glances were completely terrified.

“T-teacher… why, why are you here…?”

“Ah, well… I think I found the wrong room.”

The act of l**king his parched lips with his tongue looked anxious. Anyone could see that Woo Jiwon was wary of the man standing next to him.

Why is he this scared?

A question arose. This menacing man was probably Woo Jiwon’s older or younger brother. Woo Jiwon was clearly afraid of him. In that case, was he an older brother with a large age gap?

But soon, that speculation was also brought to a halt. Although the boy was tall and had sharp features, he didn’t look several years older than the twenty-year-old Woo Jiwon.

Then that means there’s only a one or two-year difference, but is it possible to establish such a firm hierarchy with just that much of a gap? Is this how it normally is between brothers? For me, who only has a lovely and obedient younger sister, it was a relationship I couldn’t understand.

At that moment, Jiwon gently tugged on my cuff.

“Teacher… h-here, you shouldn’t come this way.”

His voice was trembling so much it made the listener feel sorry for him. To the point where his demeanor, not daring to even look at the boy, evoked both questions and sympathy simultaneously.

Meeting his completely frightened eyes, I got the feeling that Jiwon was like a herbivore surrounded by a pack of ferocious beasts. I nodded my head in spite of myself.

“Oh? Oh, oh, sorry. I didn’t know.”

His deeply bowed nape looked pitiful. But Jiwon, instead of turning right around and leading me to his room, first opened his mouth to the man.

“S-s-sorry, Jihyuk. …Ah, I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Jiwon barely managed to squeeze out the words, unable to even look at the boy’s face.

The feeling that something was strange grew deeper. I couldn’t know the detailed circumstances, but I could clearly see that the relationship between these two was abnormal and twisted. The current between the two of them felt so one-sided and coercive that they didn’t seem like brothers living in the same house at all.

Jiwon, flustered, grabbed my cuff once more and led me away. It seemed he wanted to escape this place as quickly as possible. His actions were so filled with desperation that I let him take my arm without thinking.

But it was the moment Jiwon quickly turned his body, pulling me along. I saw a long leg come into view in front of me. The long leg, encased in jeans, was headed without error for the space between Jiwon’s legs. That moment felt slow, as if in slow motion.

He didn’t even seem to have any intention of tripping him secretly. It was no different from openly kicking his shin. Before I had a chance to stop him, Jiwon’s body, which had been turning quickly, began to tilt forward.

“…Uh oh!”

At the same time, the slender body holding onto me staggered greatly. Screams erupted from Jiwon’s and my mouths at the same time. Jiwon, whose sole objective was to escape this place, had not seen the boy’s foot coming between his legs like a huge trap.

Jiwon’s body, having lost its balance, pitched forward, and soon after, with a thud, he fell face down on the floor.

“Ah, ugh… ah…”

Sitting on the floor, Jiwon clutched his shin and groaned. I quickly knelt on one knee beside him, who had fallen and couldn’t get up. I hastily checked Jiwon’s face and wound.

“Student Jiwon, a-are you okay?”

“Ah, tea-cher, heuk…”

Taejun-hyung’s words that he was a gentle and nice kid were right. Even after being insulted by his own brother in front of a complete stranger, Jiwon was waving his hand at me as if to say he was okay. To a degree that was tear-j**king to watch.

“I’m, I’m okay… euk.”

“Try to stand up. Grab my hand.”

I grabbed his thin wrist, which could be encircled in one hand, and helped him up. It was the moment Jiwon, who had been fussing and clutching his calf, was trying to stand up awkwardly with a frown.

A long shadow slowly fell over Jiwon’s head. At the shadow of his brother darkening above the crown of his head, Jiwon held his breath. He was trying to lift his trembling gaze, but it didn’t seem easy. Jiwon’s gaze never reached the boy’s eyes.

“Woo Jiwon.”

At the low, cool voice, Jiwon’s body flinched with a start.

“Ah, heuk…. Y-yeah. Jihyuk.”

A powerless voice crawled out from the small, trembling body, as if muttering. The man’s body took one step, and then another step closer to Jiwon. At the same time, Jiwon flinched and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Cut the b**lshit. It’s disgusting to look at.”

The low voice was menacing. In the voice that seemed to be sneering, there was an amount of anger so condensed it was startling.

Jiwon nodded his head frantically. The boy looked down at Jiwon as if he were a bug, then whipped around and walked past us with his back to us.

A cool and deep scent brushed past my nose. Was it perfume? Whatever it was, it felt too dark for a boy in his early twenties to be using.

I stood there for a moment, at a loss for words. Encountering the boy, and him sneering at me. And then my student, the ‘real’ Woo Jiwon, running over and being thoroughly humiliated by him. It felt like too many things had happened all at once as soon as I entered this mansion, and it was hard to get my bearings.

After thinking these disjointed thoughts, I came to my senses and cautiously called out to Jiwon, who was standing there blankly.

“…Student Jiwon. For now… shall we go to your room?”

“Ah, yes.”

Jiwon guided me without a word. Unlike before when he was in a hurry, his steps were slow as he walked with his head bowed low. Looking closely, I saw he was limping slightly. It seemed the fall from being tripped earlier had hurt him quite a bit.

“Um… does it hurt a lot?”

So I asked abruptly.

“Yes?”

“No. Your leg… it looks like it hurts quite a bit.”

“Ah…. It’s okay. Thank you.”

Jiwon gave a faint smile. My eyes unconsciously went to his face, which naturally formed a smiling expression with his eyes.

‘He’s gentle, and not a j**k.’

Taejun-hyung’s voice came to mind again. Looking at his innocent and clear face, the tension that had been tightly wound in my body just a moment ago slowly began to release. So, I also offered him a small smile in response. And it was the moment I turned my head again to head towards the room at the end.

As if caught in a trap, my gaze became fixed on one spot and wouldn’t move. My breathing slowly stopped. An unpleasant chill ran down my back. I creakily turned my stiff neck and barely managed to look down at the bottom of the staircase.

Looking up at us from below the stairs was Jihyuk, who I thought had completely left.

A chilling energy was circulating on his sleek face. Yes, killing intent. There was no other word that could replace that one. What lurked on his face, which had a bluish glint, was clearly a great hatred.

“…Teacher.”

“……”

“Tea…cher?”

“Oh? Oh. Let’s go.”

Jiwon calls to me with an innocent voice, looking up at me blankly. Since he was smaller in stature than me, it seemed he hadn’t seen Jihyuk at the bottom of the stairs, who was hidden by me standing on the outer side.

I whipped my head around. I thought it was a relief that Jiwon hadn’t seen him at the bottom of the stairs. I, too, wanted to be freed as soon as possible from the viscous gaze that was scanning this way. So, I hurried my steps along with Jiwon.

And just before entering Woo Jiwon’s room at the very end of the corridor, when I looked back as if drawn by a magnet, the boy was no longer there.

📖

“Hey, Kim Jeonghyun.”

“……”

“Kim Jeonghyun!”

“Huh?”

Something cold touched my cheek. Startled by the sharp sensation, as if it were slicing through my capillaries, I straightened my body. When I turned around, Lee Woojae was smiling with his usual good-natured face.

“What are you thinking about so hard? You can’t even hear me calling you.”

“Ah…. Just something.”

“What is it, what is it. You didn’t get set up with a girl or something behind my back, did you?”

The smile that fills his face is mischievous. Lee Woojae, playful and kind-hearted, was my department classmate. People usually say things like university friends aren’t real friends, or that friends from middle and high school are the real ones, but for me, it’s the opposite. I’ve lost touch with almost all the friends I made in middle and high school, yet I’m most comfortable and open with Lee Woojae, whom I met after starting university.

Unlike me, who was quiet and shy, Lee Woojae was easygoing and had a good personality, so he had many people around him. But he always made sure to take care of me first. I once even asked him why he took care of me like this. But the answer that came back was less significant than I thought. Something about how he just liked me for some reason since the first day of orientation?

Anyway, thanks to Lee Woojae, I was leading a reasonably peaceful school life. To be honest, even in middle and high school, I didn’t particularly hang out in groups, except for one or two friends I ate with. That’s why I naturally thought it would be the same in university, but now that I was actually hanging out with him, it wasn’t so bad.

Lee Woojae always led a group, but if I showed any signs of being uncomfortable or awkward, he would find a way for us to be alone without hurting the others’ feelings. That, too, was his talent. Something I, as an introvert, could never possess.

“Where would I have the time for that.”

“Ah…. You boring b**t**d. Now that you’re at Korea University, huh? You should enjoy yourself a bit. Speaking of which, I was going to ask you about that.”

“What is it?”

“Let’s go on a group blind date tomorrow evening. With the dance department, no less!”

“Oh, Lee Woojae, for real?!”

At Lee Woojae’s loud voice, our classmates started murmuring and gathering around one by one. Of course, they were all guys.

“Me! I’ll go! Why do you only ask Kim Jeonghyun!”

“You, you b**t**d, huh? Is your mug even… comparable to Kim Jeonghyun’s?”

“Wow, this fucking cheap b**t**d! Are you so d**n handsome yourself?”

“Yes. I am the organizer. If you don’t like it, either organize one yourself, or be reborn more handsome than Kim Jeonghyun.”

The sound of teasing laughter, the thud of playful punches. Lee Woojae’s bright energy draws people in like a magnet. In comparison, I have as much presence as the inside of a black hole. Well, if that’s a talent, it’s a talent. The talent of not blending well into a group, yet not being ostracized.

“Ah…. Hey, sorry. I’m good on the blind date. Minjae, you go.”

The hands that had been fooling around all stopped at once. For a brief moment, several gazes were fixed on me. Then they scattered again, and it became noisy.

“Hey! Did you hear that? Jeonghyun said I should go!”

“Wow, s**t…. Hey, Kim Jeonghyun! You can’t do this to me!”

“Haha…. Sorry. I started another new tutoring job, so I’m busy…”

As I awkwardly smiled and hurried to pack my bag, Lee Woojae looked at me with concern and asked.

“Hey, you’re already doing two tutoring jobs. Can you handle it all? Exams are coming up soon!”

“Yeah… I’m going to try. Hey, my next class is in C-Building, so I’m gonna get going now!”

“Oh, okay Jeonghyun! I’ll call you!”

I hurriedly slung my bag over my shoulder and left the lecture hall. A small sigh escaped from my chest. It was a relief that I really did have a class in C-Building. Since Lee Woojae and I were close enough to have shared our schedules, it’s hard to lie about something like this just to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

Lee Woojae is a really good guy. Separate from the fact that it’s hard for me to tell him about my family’s situation.

The phone in my pocket vibrated briefly. Fumbling for the vibration with my fingertips, I took the phone out of my pocket. When did it start? The point where even a phone notification felt dreadful.

[Oppa, I’m sorry, but can you lend me 100,000 won?]

[I suddenly had to quit my part-time jobㅜ I’m looking for a new one now but it’s not easy…. I’m sorry, oppa, I know full well how hard things are for you…. I’ll definitely pay you back next month]

“Haaah…”

A slightly larger sigh than before burst from within me. I know that my only younger sister, Jeonghee, lives just as diligently as I do, so I don’t resent her for messages like this. Rather, I just feel sorry. For not being able to provide more for her as an older brother.

In my heart, I want to provide for Jeonghee so that she never has to say such things, so that she can enjoy her university life without lacking anything. Because in place of our father who left long ago and our mother who has been sick in bed for years, Jeonghee has trusted and followed me that much.

But reality is never like what one’s heart desires.

[150,000 won transfer – Jeonghee]

I opened the banking app, scraped together all the money except for the bare minimum for living expenses and sent it, then recorded Jeonghee’s name in my household ledger memo. She says she’ll pay it back, but it will probably be difficult. Next month, Jeonghee, like me, will have to struggle to manage her own life. And I have no intention of taking money from her, even if she offers.

The bag on my shoulder felt heavier than usual. The weight of my major textbooks and materials for teaching my tutoring student was now compounded by the weight of this wretched poverty. I trudged my heavy steps towards C-Building.

My gaze was automatically drawn to the hands of students passing by me holding iced americanos. A burning thirst suddenly arose. My Adam’s apple moved up and down once on its own.

When I was little, my mom used to scold me if she saw me looking at what other people were eating. Back then, my mom was healthy.

At the sudden self-pitying thought, my self-deprecating smile deepened. Staring at what other people are eating, what kind of pathetic act is this. I quickened my pace a little to shake off the idle thoughts.

📖

“Hello, teacher. Welcome.”

“Yeah. Have you been well?”

Despite it being only our second meeting, I wore a smile without any particular awkwardness. It was because Jiwon had greeted me first with a bright smile. Today, I didn’t run into that boy I met last time. At times like this, I felt relieved that the mansion was so large.

Unlike the blazing sun outside, the temperature in Jiwon’s room was perfectly set. Even though I had only been here for a few minutes, my face, which had been flushed red from the heat, quickly returned to its usual state. The room was that comfortable. If I lived in this room year-round, I feel like I would forget that seasons even exist.

After a light greeting, we sat right down at the desk. Not long after, the housekeeper I had seen before came in with a tray of fruit and tea. I gave her a light nod in greeting.

On the first day, because of what had happened, it seemed difficult to conduct an in-depth lesson, so we had a relatively relaxed time, just administering a light test and letting him look through my major textbooks. The reason I gave him a test was that, even though it was a short-term tutoring gig for only 3 weeks, I wanted to properly grasp his skill level and teach him only the core concepts.

Jiwon’s skills were, as expected, very good. Even though I had selected and brought only problems that were quite in-depth and required creativity, Jiwon solved them well. His thought process for solving problems was brilliant. It was a level of difficulty that students armed only with typical rote-learning education would never be able to touch.

‘This is good. I’ll really be seeing you as my junior next year.’

‘Ahaha. Thank you.’

His personality was good too. Every time Jiwon smiled, a gentle and kind smile would fill the corners of his eyes. I felt it was a stroke of luck to be able to be with a kid like this, even if only for 3 weeks. The motivation to do my best and give him everything I could give naturally welled up.

“Alright, then shall we try solving this today?”

“Yes. While I’m solving the problem, you should have some fruit, teacher.”

“Okay. Thanks?”

When I tilted my head slightly towards Jiwon and gave a small smile, color returned to Jiwon’s perpetually pale face. He was a boy for whom kindness and politeness were a habit. He wasn’t like the rich kids I had seen a few times in my life. Usually, kids like that have good manners, but I don’t think they often have this kind of affectionate feeling.

Thinking that, I chuckled inwardly. As if I’ve met that many rich kids in my life. It was funny, me making a hasty generalization based on just a few kids I had encountered.

The back of a white hand holding a pen landed on the printout I had prepared. His gaze, which had been scanning the paper for a moment, soon focused as if to s**k in the problem. Following that, his hand moved without hesitation, solving the problem.

I silently watched Jiwon’s side profile as he poured his gaze onto the printout without wavering. I didn’t realize it because he was always smiling, but seeing him with that expressionless face, a certain person who shared a subtle quality with him naturally came to mind.

The boy I met in front of the room at the far right.

What was that boy’s name again. Was it Jihyuk? They were probably brothers, yet Jiwon had almost no resemblance to that boy. From their physique to their appearance, and even the aura they exuded, they were at extreme opposite ends, just like the rooms they occupied.

But I guess brothers are brothers. In Jiwon’s gaze as he looked down at the problem in concentration, I read that boy’s image. The expression of being engrossed in a subject of interest. The face gauging whether he could solve the problem before him or not. Would it be too much of a leap to say that such a look in their eyes was similar?

A week had passed until I set foot here again. In the midst of my dry and harsh daily life, like soil that has become old and lost its function, I often thought of Jiwon and Jihyuk. If I thought of Jiwon mainly in relation to preparing for class, Jihyuk was purely out of curiosity. He was someone I never wanted to encounter again, yet he made me curious.

Why does he hate Jiwon so much?

I still didn’t know the answer. But not every problem can be solved just because you are curious. I was not presumptuous enough to ask Jiwon why his brother did that to him.

No matter how irrational and abnormal their relationship seemed, I had neither the qualification nor the right, nor the inclination to interfere in the brothers’ relationship. My duty within this huge mansion was to teach Jiwon for 3 weeks. Not to make foolish mistakes by clinging to the wrong person in a daze.

I carefully speared a neatly placed apple on the desk and took a crisp bite. I ate with the quietest movements possible, worried that the sound of chewing might be a disturbance. It is a bit embarrassing to be eating something alone while the student is studying. But for a poor and hungry student like me living alone, I couldn’t afford to refuse the food provided at a tutoring student’s house.

Crunch, crunch. The delicious juice spread in my mouth. Do rich people eat a special kind of apple? The apple was so delicious that such a bland thought came to mind. Maybe it’s because I had a triangle kimbap for lunch, and I was extremely hungry. I carefully speared another apple with my fork, being as careful as possible not to disturb Jiwon, who was still focused on the problem.

At that moment, a sharp B**g! pierced my eardrums. At the same time, the door was thrown open violently.

“Woo Jiwon.”

I was just about to take a bite of an apple. I was so startled that a small piece of apple got stuck in my throat. The muscles in my throat convulsed. I coughed, hacking and sputtering.

And at the same time, Woo Jiwon, who had been quietly solving problems next to me, shot up from his seat. Jiwon’s face, as he stared at the doorway, was deathly pale. He looked like he was on the verge of fainting.

“Jihyuk…!”

There was no time to say anything, no time to stop him. Jihyuk strode over with long steps and stood before Jiwon in an instant. It was as if I, sitting next to him, didn’t even exist. A large, strong hand violently grabbed Jiwon by the collar, and at the same time, he roughly threw something he was holding in his hand onto the desk.

“Jihyuk, keok…!”

“Jiwon!”

The screams from my mouth and Jiwon’s happened at the same time. But Jihyuk’s hand, condensed with anger, showed no sign of stopping. As he yanked the collar he was holding towards him, Jiwon’s body was pulled up so powerlessly that his feet almost left the floor.

Unlike his eyes that blazed like a conflagration, Jihyuk ground out in a frozen voice.

“Jiwon. You just, you want to get yourself killed by me, don’t you.”

The low, suppressed voice was incomparable to the last time, which had been threatening enough. The glare he poured out, as if to eat him alive, was like a knife. Even though that glare wasn’t directed at me, I felt my own breath being choked. Without thinking, I rushed over and grabbed Jihyuk’s arm.

“Wait! Wait a minute, student! Why, why are you doing this, to Jiwon!”

Jiwon’s pale face looked like he was about to stop breathing. I didn’t know the detailed situation, but all I could think was that I had to get Jiwon, who was held as powerlessly as a paper doll, out of that grip.

I grabbed his sturdy-looking arm and pulled hard, but Jihyuk’s arm showed little reaction, making my desperate attempt to stop him seem pathetic. Jiwon’s collar was still caught in that trap-like grip, and his body was on the verge of being lifted off the ground. I shouted again in desperation.

“Why, why are you doing this, really! Can’t you see we’re in the middle of a lesson?! What is this…!”

“F**k, really…”

Jihyuk looked genuinely dumbfounded. As if he were throwing away a piece of dirty trash, he let go of Jiwon’s collar that he had been holding. Jiwon staggered backward, but thankfully, he fell not onto the floor but onto the chair, sitting awkwardly.

Now, Jihyuk’s murderous gaze was directed not at Jiwon, but at me. Seeing Jihyuk close the distance by a step, I reflexively took a step back. It’s shameful, but the first emotion that came to mind was, of course, fear. A dry swallow went down my throat with difficulty.

But as he shifted his gaze from Jiwon to me, the anger in Jihyuk’s eyes subsided somewhat. In its place, mockery appeared. Seeing me, clenching my pathetically trembling fists and trying to look up into his eyes, Jihyuk sneered.

“Woo Jiwon’s teacher. Stop your pathetic b**lshit and get lost.”

“……!”

The fear that had been rising began to subside.

A hot fire boiling up from within filled its place. I clenched my trembling fists tightly. Again. This is only the second time I’m seeing this boy, yet every time, the only emotion I receive from him is humiliation.

No matter how threatening the boy in front of me is, is there any reason I should be afraid of him? I am here now in a clearly employed position. No matter how great and talented this kid is, he is just a minor boy under the protection of the madam of this house. And, no matter what, surely he wouldn’t hit me, would he?

When I thought that, my anger quietly doubled. It’s a childish thing. For an emotion as primary as anger to be added to and subtracted from based on the situation and its corresponding calculations.

But right now, I desperately needed even that petty and pathetic emotional fuel. Looking up at Jihyuk with angry eyes, I took a step forward without losing. And I told him clearly, enunciating each word.

“Jihyuk, was it? Anyway, student, this isn’t right. I’m strictly a teacher who came here to teach student Woo Jiwon. If you interfere like this… I think I’ll have no choice but to speak to your mother.”

After I finished speaking, a silence that felt like an eternity, though it was brief, flowed.

“Tea… Teacher!”

Jiwon’s face, staring at me with wide eyes, was colored with horror. The person who was shocked as if he would faint at my words was, in fact, Jiwon. Anyone would think I had grabbed Jihyuk and suddenly started cursing at him first.

The person in question, on the other hand, was silent. Unfortunately, the ripples in Jihyuk’s eyes were not of surprise or remorse, or anything of that sort.

A twisted smile slowly spreads across his lips. It seemed that what I had just said to him had crossed some kind of threshold. If before he had looked at me like an insignificant fly, now Jihyuk seemed to have shifted the object of his anger from Jiwon to me. Behind his eyes, which glinted as if amused, was a rage that I could not fully read, surging.

Jihyuk, who had moved up close to me, tossed out his words as if sneering.

“Teacher. You work fucking… hard, don’t you?”

“…”

“If you want to tattle, go ahead. Like a little kid. I’m telling you to go down and tattle.”

As expected, he was someone who couldn’t be reasoned with. I clamped my mouth shut. At this point, I secretly hoped that Jiwon would tactfully step in and contact the madam, or stop him, but unfortunately, Jiwon was just trembling as if he had lost his mind, watching us.

Looking at Jiwon, I gave up. Then again, if he had been able to take active measures in the first place, he wouldn’t be suffering so foolishly like this.

So what now. Should I go down myself and speak to the madam? No, but where is the madam in the first place? Is it a bit of an overreaction to speak to her directly? I should calm this kid down and send him back first, then ask Jiwon separately. It’s probably better to tell her by phone or text…

“Teacher.”

The dry voice cut sharply through the scattered thoughts spreading in all directions.

“I think that b**t**d is doing that on purpose because he wants me to beat the s**t out of him.”

Jihyuk continued, smiling languidly.

“So I need to beat up Woo Jiwon right now, what should I do?”

With those words, his long arm stretched out again. Just as Jiwon, who was cowering on the chair, flinched with a completely terrified expression, I grabbed Jihyuk’s arm as if possessed by something.

The strong hand that was about to grab Jiwon’s collar paused in mid-air. It must have been a laughably weak force compared to the grip of the boy who could lift a person with one hand, yet Jihyuk’s hand stopped obediently. As if he had deliberately extended it to test me.

“Why are you grabbing me? While I’m beating up Woo Jiwon, you should be going downstairs to tattle. You said you wanted to do that.”

“…”

“Or, would you like to come along instead of Woo Jiwon, teacher?”

Hearing Jihyuk’s words as he stretched his lips into a bright smile, Jiwon’s face turned ashen white, as if he were facing the grim reaper. Surprised by the unexpected words, I widened my eyes and stuttered.

“…Where, what… what on earth are you saying, ugh!”

But I couldn’t finish my words. I felt long fingers digging into my collar, and then he grabbed me by the scruff of my neck with a terrifying force. It was a merciless grip, enough to pull my body along. There was a reason why he could lift Jiwon so easily, even though Jiwon was a grown man, albeit with a delicate build.

“Let go of me! What, what are you doing!”

“Teacher!”

Scream-like sounds spread out at the same time. Regardless, Jihyuk grabbed me by the collar and dragged me out of the room. Until he pushed me into the empty room next door and locked the door, I had no choice but to be dragged along powerlessly like a scarecrow.

—Teacher! Just a moment. I’ll go get Mother!

I could hear the sound of Jiwon, who had been pounding on the door and shouting desperately, moving away from beyond the door. I looked up at Jihyuk, who was standing right in front of me, with frantically trembling eyes.

With a B**g!, my back hit the door. My waist, which had slightly bumped against the doorknob, hurt, and I grimaced, my lips twitching. Suppressing the groan that was leaking out from the pain, I confronted him.

“What… to me, why on earth are you doing this…!”

Looking at me as if he found it amusing, Jihyuk raised the corners of his mouth. It was a hand that moved entirely based on his own interest and emotions, as if handling a child’s toy. In that touch, any consideration for the other person was nowhere to be found.

It was nothing short of an absurd situation. Not only did he suddenly barge in during a peaceful lesson—which was already a sufficiently rude act—but he grabbed Jiwon’s collar and caused a ruckus, and as if that wasn’t enough, he even dragged me into this room.

It was absurd that the class was interrupted so suddenly, my bruised waist hurt, and to be honest, I was scared of this boy looking down at me with a murderer’s face. Being alone with this boy in a dark room filled me with an indescribable sense of displeasure and fear. I wanted to run out immediately.

The emotion that followed was sorrow. Why on earth do I have to be in this kind of situation.

Should I just storm out saying I can’t do this 3-week substitute gig? That I absolutely can’t do it in this d**n house.

It was a situation where I was perfectly entitled to do so. Normally, if I quit in the middle like that, I wouldn’t have the face to see Taejun-hyung who introduced me, but this was a special situation. Taejun-hyung had never told me that Jiwon had such a crazy brother.

And I had never even heard of a case where someone was practically a**aulted by a student’s brother, not even the student himself. This meant that even if I stormed out of here right now, it would not be my fault at all.

But my frozen legs wouldn’t move. Half of it was the paltry pride clinging to my insides, asking why I should have to leave like I was being chased out when I had done nothing wrong, and the other half was, of course, money.

If I taught here just three more times, I could receive a payment equivalent to the combined earnings from teaching my other two tutoring students. If I received that much, not only would it not be a problem that I had scraped together my remaining balance and sent it to Jeonghee, but I would be able to live much more comfortably than usual.

So, I decided to try to have a conversation first. I clenched my trembling fists and painstakingly squeezed out my voice, which wouldn’t come out easily.

“…Why, why on earth are you doing this. Why are you trying to hit me?”

“Hit you?”

Jihyuk widened his eyes as if he found it amusing.

“Why would I hit you, teacher?”

“You said earlier… you wanted to hit Jiwon… but I could come instead…”

“Yes. So I brought you, didn’t I? I only said to follow me, I never said I would beat you up.”

I was the only one who was confused by this situation. Unlike me, who was barely uttering each word with difficulty, Jihyuk’s eyes, as he chuckled in a low voice, were clearly filled with a base pleasure.

“If you’d like, shall I beat you up a little?”

Jihyuk asked slowly, smirking. A chilling displeasure, fear of the presence before me, humiliation at being played by this boy’s hands again, and disillusionment with this situation all came at once. That I couldn’t run out of this room because of that d**n money, because of a pride that was useless no matter how much I asserted it.

I wanted to curse out the arrogant kid smiling in front of me. But since I couldn’t, I clenched my fists and endured. I bowed my head low. I didn’t want to get caught up any longer with this boy who was trying his best to tease me every time our eyes met.

A low-life delinquent. Chewing on curses inwardly, I silently waited for the next situation. If I just tuned out whatever b**lshit he spouted, Jiwon and his mother would come, and then this ridiculous situation would end. If I could just endure until then. Just until then…

Suddenly, his hand shot up. Feeling something flash before my eyes, I reflexively squeezed my eyes shut.

…No way, is he really going to hit me?

But instead of a dull pain somewhere, a dull ache came to my earlobe. Startled, I opened my eyes.

The sharp scent of perfume wafted right in front of my nose. The wrist that was touching my ear was right before my eyes. My eyes wide, I instinctively grabbed Jihyuk’s wrist.

“Breathe, teacher. Breathe.”

Jihyuk laughed as if amused. Only then did I realize I had been holding my breath. A gasping breath burst out belatedly.

The long, thick hand that was pinching my earlobe slowly comes down. Between the thumb and index finger that were pressed together, there was only a single thin strand of what looked like my hair. Waving it slowly as if to deliberately show me, Jihyuk raised the corners of his mouth.

“There was something on you so I was taking it off, why are you so surprised, teacher.”

“……”

“Did you get hit a lot growing up?”

The low voice once again unpleasantly dug into my insides.

My heart pounded. I couldn’t take it anymore. I briefly set aside the calculator I had been secretly tapping in my mind until a moment ago, and I stared straight at Jihyuk. I thought I might go crazy with frustration if I couldn’t even put up this much resistance.

“Student Woo Jihyuk, if you keep doing this, I find it unpleasant.”

“……”

“Don’t touch my body carelessly. I’m not the person who came to this house to play with you.”

As soon as those words ended, a loud voice rang out sharply from beyond the door.

—Woo Jihyuk!

It was the madam. But the madam’s voice shouting from beyond the door was not the voice of someone scolding a misbehaving child. Rather, it was closer to being terrified.

—Open the door. Woo Jihyuk!

The sound of knocking on the door was also desperate. As if they had put a child in a beast’s cage.

I held my breath and looked at Jihyuk. What if he doesn’t open the door…? Anyone could see that his mother was afraid of Jihyuk. It was doubtful whether she would take forcible action even if Jihyuk didn’t open the door.

But Jihyuk, who had been looking down at me for a short while, slowly turned around. No emotion was evident in his demeanor as he grabbed the doorknob and opened it.

“Jihyuk!”

Beyond the door, as expected, stood the madam and Jiwon. Jiwon’s pale face was now drenched in a cold sweat. The madam’s haughty and high-handed attitude that I had seen when we first met in the drawing room was nowhere to be found. The madam’s face, as she looked up at Jihyuk with a trembling Jiwon by her side, was deathly pale.

“Ji-Jihyuk. Why on earth are you doing this. Huh?”

“What did I do?”

Jihyuk asked nonchalantly, towards the madam who was grabbing his arm, her face ashen.

“You know your brother is frail. Why on earth, why are you doing this. What if he has another seizure…!”

“What do you mean, what if.”

Jihyuk replied indifferently.

“Woo Jiwon gets taken to the hospital, and I get kicked out to America again.”

“Woo Jihyuk…! You!”

The madam’s reply was almost a scream, and her face looked as if she were about to shed tears.

What’s with the hospital, and what’s with the seizure. Then again, she did say that Jiwon was frail and couldn’t take the CSAT last year and was in the hospital the whole time. But America… America. It seemed Jihyuk had just come from there not long ago. Judging by how he described himself as being kicked out.

Having suddenly been made privy to their complicated family affairs, I stood there uncomfortably, fidgeting with my fists. But my presence was practically that of an invisible man. To the madam, it was as if I, who had been dragged away by Jihyuk’s hand and locked in a room, wasn’t even visible.

“First, let’s not do this and go inside and talk. Huh? Talk with me for a bit.”

“I have nothing to say.”

Jihyuk turned his back, shaking off the desperate hand that was holding him as if it were a nuisance.

“Tell that r**ard that if he secretly crawls into my room like a rat one more time and does weird s**t, I’ll bury him alive.”

“Woo Jihyuk!”

The madam’s horrified scream scattered behind Jihyuk’s back. But Jihyuk, leaving those as his final words, walked away with resolute steps, showing no lingering attachment. Soon after, the sound of a door slamming shut was heard from the end of the corridor.

Amidst the commotion, Jiwon couldn’t say a word and just trembled. Clasping Jiwon’s pale, cold hand, the madam soothed him in a gentle voice, saying, “Let’s rest for now. Jiwon. Let’s go inside. Huh?” Jiwon, with a face as if all life had been drained from him, barely managed to nod.

“Thank you for your hard work. You can go home for today.”

That was the last thing the madam said to me as she turned around. I hadn’t done any real teaching, so what happens to today’s lesson. To me, who was left behind in a daze, the madam added one more thing.

“I’ll pay you for the hours as usual. Let’s reschedule with our boy later.”

“Yes, yes…. I understand.”

With those last words, Jiwon and the madam went down to the first floor. Left alone behind, I stood there, not knowing what to do, then barely came to my senses and turned my body back towards Jiwon’s room. I had to go get the bag and materials I had brought.

My mind was in turmoil. It’s just a 3-week substitute gig, and today is only my second time coming, but for some reason, not a single day passes quietly.

Still, there are two more times left. Let’s just finish that safely. After that, I will never have to come to this murderous house again. I tried to comfort myself and opened Jiwon’s door.

The scene in the room was a mess, bearing the full brunt of the chaos from just a moment ago. The printout Jiwon had been working on was scattered messily on the desk, and my pencil case had fallen to the floor and was rolling around.

I knelt down and organized the writing utensils that had spilled inside the pencil case. I put the pencil case in my bag and stood up, and a certain photograph caught my eye.

There was nothing like this when Jiwon was solving the problem earlier. Come to think of it, I remembered Jihyuk flinging this onto the desk as soon as he entered the room.

‘…What is this.’

Even though I was well aware that I shouldn’t look at other people’s things carelessly, my gaze went to it without my knowledge.

The object in question, which I stealthily glanced at, was an unexpectedly ordinary photograph. Two young children hugging each other and smiling brightly. It must be Jihyuk and Jiwon. Unlike Jiwon, whose childhood features were still present now, Jihyuk looked quite different from his current self. It’s a given for a child, of course, but his current sharp and intimidating impression was nowhere to be found.

He must have been around 4 or 5 years old. His face, strikingly handsome even at a young age, was smiling playfully. As if everything in the world was joyful. Despite Jihyuk being younger than Jiwon, the two children were similar in size. No, since they were sitting, Jihyuk actually looked a little bigger. The young Jihyuk was smiling like a rascal, hugging his older brother tightly.

“You got along well back then…”

A small voice escaped me without my knowing. As if my mutter to myself would leak out, I quickly shut my mouth and carefully placed the photo back on the desk.

They got along so well back then, so why are they at each other’s throats now, as if they can’t wait to tear each other apart.

No, not each other. Anyone could see that it was one-sided, with Jiwon being the one to suffer. That’s why the madam’s attitude of coddling Jiwon must be so… particular, like she’s dealing with a young child.

‘…I don’t know.’

The more I came to this house, the more the unresolved questions grew. But in the end, all of it is just another family’s domestic affairs. Is there any family without its troubles? Even a rich family like this can’t escape that kind of noise.

Thinking that, I gathered my things and left Jiwon’s room. Right now, I had my own problems to deal with, and I had too much on my mind to be curious about the family affairs of the student I was temporarily teaching.

📖

The steps to the hospital are always heavy. The reason my breath catches in my throat is not just because of the heat.

Even when I’m saving the few coins I have left to buy a triangle kimbap and cup noodles, even when I’m scraping my soul together to send money to Jeonghee, I don’t feel this suffocating tightness in my throat. It’s because in those preceding situations, there are often times when I feel a hope that I will one day escape this situation.

This situation of being a student who cannot earn money will end in a few years anyway. And Jeonghee will also graduate soon after me. Then she, too, will be able to stand on her own, doing her part in society. When that time comes, we won’t have to live stamping our feet over a thousand or two thousand won.

I never wished to become very rich. I have never, not once, wished to own an apartment with a view of the Han River, to meet a good partner and get married while receiving the envious gazes of others.

I just wished that I could order pizza or a hamburger when I wanted to eat it without looking at the price, and I wanted to meet Jeonghee and casually give her pocket money, telling her to buy some clothes for our little sister. Sometimes I would be tired from excessive workload and overtime like others, but every month when I pay for my mother’s hospital bills, I would find a reason to work hard again. That was the life I wanted.

Living in a moderate fatigue and ennui that one can endure like others was also something that was only possible with a stepping stone to firmly support the soles of one’s feet. I wanted to have such a stepping stone. That was all I wished for.

Until I finish my studies, until I have financial ability. If I just endure until then.

The powerlessness with a set deadline often pushed me to feel hopeful. That’s why I lived even more tenaciously. At least we didn’t have any large debts. My mother has been in her sickbed for years and honestly, there is no hope of her waking up, but since she was only receiving life-sustaining treatment at a state-designated veterans’ hospital, it wasn’t costing a large amount of money.

But even that was a tight amount for Jeonghee and me, who were university students, to handle, so we were managing by taking out student loans plus additional loans for living expenses.

There was a distinct point. The point where we started walking down the slope of poverty. It was when I was in the 1st year of middle school, and Jeonghee was in the 6th year of elementary school. Our mother had raised us alone since so long ago that we couldn’t even remember our father’s face, so Jeonghee and I were used to looking after the house in place of our mother who had gone to work.

That day, we thought our mother wasn’t contacting us because she was busy. Our mother, who was an ordinary office worker, would always send a text to either Jeonghee or me when she was leaving work, asking [What do you want to eat? What should I make today?], but that day, that text didn’t come. It was only after a few hours that we received calls from the hospital and the police station in succession. That our mother had been in a traffic accident.

The bruises, fractures, and organ ruptures from the accident were resolved one by one with the money our mother had painstakingly saved for our future. Thankfully, our mother recovered smoothly while undergoing several surgeries. Everything, except for her brain. The doctor said the chance of our mother waking up was about 30%. But that possibility dropped more and more as the years passed.

Although we had never been materially very well-off, the simple and happy daily life we had built as a family of three was shattered mercilessly. We could no longer see our mother’s bright smile. Not her voice asking what we wanted for dinner, nor her affectionate words saying that since our Jeonghyun and Jeonghee are good at studying, they’ll become great people and get good jobs later.

Then, as if by promise, we would reply, ‘We’ll let you live in luxury, Mom.’ Our mother would always get upset, saying we were too much like little old men, but we were not so immature as to not know the tear-j**king love and sacrifice of our mother, who raised us alone without a father and made sure we didn’t feel any particular lack.

“Mom. …K-hem. I’m here.”

My throat produced an unrefined sound because I hadn’t spoken since coming here from school. I cleared my throat once and gently held my mother’s hand.

The intensive care unit had set visiting hours. Once during lunchtime, and once in the evening. I usually came to see my mother using the time I had no classes. In the evenings, I was busy with tutoring or supplementing my weak subjects.

“You’ve been well, right? …Why are your lips so chapped again.”

It’s been so long since I’ve heard my mother’s whole voice that I don’t particularly expect a reply, but sometimes I miss my mother’s voice from the old days so much. And usually, when I have such thoughts, it’s often when I’m in a state of being crushed and suffering under the weight of life.

But lately, I couldn’t be said to be doing badly. My exam preparations are going smoothly, and the 3-week substitute part-time job… was a sweet gig, just as Taejun-hyung had said. Of course, the things I experienced in that house didn’t suit such a sweet word at all, but the amount I would receive after the tutoring was over was scheduled to be nothing short of sweet.

That’s why I chattered on about my well-being to my mother in a bright voice. I opened a jar of Vaseline, scooped up the ointment with a cotton swab, and carefully applied it to my mother’s lips. Come to think of it, it was tomorrow. The day I was scheduled to give Jiwon his supplementary lesson again.

📖

Having come here for the third time, I had become a little more accustomed to the scale of this magnificent mansion. I slung my bag over my shoulder and glanced at the ducks in the pond as I crossed the garden.

On the first day I came here, I was very nervous and was only a little surprised to see the ducks, but now I had enough composure to try and strike up a nonsensical conversation with the ducks, saying “Quack quack.” Of course, the ducks just floated leisurely on the pond and paid me no mind.

“…I’m going now.”

Naturally, there was no response. I hitched up the bag on my back once and walked towards the annex again. I had brought my major textbook because I had to take it home, and my shoulders were so heavy they felt like they were turning to stone. The space between my bag and my back was already unpleasantly soaked with sweat.

The weather was nothing short of unpleasant. It was so hot and the humidity was so high that I was all heated up and drenched in sweat. But as I pressed the bell on the annex’s front door and imagined the comfortable interior I would soon be entering, strength naturally welled up. As soon as I step inside here, it becomes magically cool. No, I will forget that it was ever hot. Although I will be spat back out into the deathly hot air once the lesson is over.

“Welcome.”

“Yes, hello.”

I could now greet the housekeeper who opened the door with a little less awkwardness. With a strangely fluttering heart, I crossed the wide drawing-room-like space. I had first met the madam here, where large sofas were arranged in a U-shape. If I go up the stairs to the second floor that I can see over there and walk straight to the left, it’s Jiwon’s room.