TEOCH 90

I had a terribly agonizing dream.

Actually, it was less like I was dreaming and more like my body was asleep but my mind was awake. The worries and delusions that filled my head were embodied in the form of death and tormented me.

As they were real worries, their realism was surprisingly excellent. After all, the probability of us surviving after escaping Stage 1 looking more like defeated soldiers than victors, and arriving at Stage 2 with no preparation, was honestly not that high.

We might die like this, or maybe we will die like that……. Once I started considering the possibilities, my anxiety just grew like a snowball, to the point where I could not even fathom whether we would be able to survive.

Under the pretext of a second playthrough, what kind of variables would come find us? For now, the fact that a new boss we had never experienced before would appear was certain, and it was also fully predictable that in-game elements we had used effectively until now would disappear or that there would be an unexpected increase in difficulty. For things like these, a method to overcome them does not emerge unless you experience them directly with your own body…….

‘I will end up killing that person over and over again.’

Just thinking about that made me feel like throwing up. In my dream, Tristan met his death in every way I could imagine, and I had to helplessly watch Tristan in that state. I thrashed in agony, thinking that I would rather just wake up from my sleep.

How many hours had I been sleeping like that? I came to my senses at the feeling of a rough towel carefully brushing past my forehead. But my tired body, still wanting rest, did not move properly, and I struggled to move my body while laboriously steadying my breathing.

As I frowned and tried to peel open my stuck-shut eyelids, someone’s soft hand gently stroked my cheek this time. I felt something damp being wiped away. Uh, this is…….

“Did I cry?”

“How can you ask me that, Rohan.”

It was Tristan’s voice. I was startled and shot up from my spot. In front of me, who had barely managed to open my eyes, sat Tristan with a pale complexion. I suspected this might be a dream because the tattoo that had been etched on the right side of his face was not visible, but the touch of the hand wiping the wetness staining my cheek felt too real to be a dream.

Only after pondering for a long time with my unclear mind was I able to realize. Ah, I see. Perhaps that tattoo appears and disappears only when the curse is activated. I stared at Tristan’s clean face for a moment.

He was smiling faintly as if my appearance was amusing, but his face was half its usual size, perhaps from groaning for several hours due to the side effects of the curse. It felt like a hot ball of fire was shooting up my throat.

“Are you all right?”

“I am fine now. Just a little while ago it was so painful it felt like I was going to die, but now it feels like the fact that I was in so much pain was a lie.”

“Were you in a lot of pain?”

“I told you I am not in pain now.”

“Still, still…….”

“Hmm, you are becoming more and more like Rikiel. Until just a little while ago you acted as if you did not know what to do because you disliked me so much, and now you have become a complete nag.”

“When did I ever.”

I shut my mouth as I was saying that. Thinking about it, I had never been that friendly to Tristan. Tristan shrugged his shoulders lightly, and I felt unnecessarily embarrassed and turned my head slightly. Rikiel, lying next to me, was sleeping soundly, unaware that his own hyung was speaking ill of him.

Tristan, who had been quietly watching that sight with me, suddenly opened his mouth. His voice was light as if he were talking about the weather, but its contents were not very light.

“So, Rohan. Can you tell me what happened to me?”

“……!”

“I would appreciate it if you did not try to hide it. I am aware that my body is not what it used to be. That centipede human did something to me, did he not?”

I quietly nodded my head. There was no need to hide the truth, so I explained to Tristan about the ‘curse,’ and he listened to my story attentively. That from now on, for three hours a day, he would experience a terrible, intense pain just as he had today, but that it would be all right if we used herbs with a stunning effect like Rehas had done earlier. As I was explaining, I felt my mood gradually darkening.

Why on earth does this person have to suffer such pain. If only it were a pain I could take his place for, I would have gladly done so.

I studied Tristan’s expression and tried my best to emphasize the ability he had gained. That the ability to paralyze a demonic beast for as long as 20 minutes was an ability that was difficult to obtain under normal circumstances, and that with this ability, we would never lose, at least in a one-on-one battle. Of course, none of it was a lie, but I could not help feeling depressed for no reason.

“So please do not worry, Your Majesty. Your Majesty……”

“It is all right to stop, Rohan.”

“Pardon?”

“The one who is worried is not me, but you, is it not?”

I closed my mouth. Even knowing that he would have to suffer the same pain as today every day from now on, Tristan somehow had a detached expression. No, the expression ‘refreshed’ seemed more fitting. Although he must have been a little scared, Tristan seemed to rather consider this situation a relief. It was not that I did not understand Tristan’s attitude, but…….

“When you think about it, it is too late. It is something everyone else is already going through, and I alone was being overly cautious. Especially Damian, who has been through terrible pain every time, yet never said a word of resentment……. Besides, thanks to that centipede human, I have also become able to help you all, have I not?”

“But, there is no need for Your Majesty to go through something like this…….”

“She is my wife, Rohan.”

“……”

“It is for the sake of rescuing my wife. Even if every person in the world complains, I, out of shame if nothing else, cannot do such a thing. Besides, rather……”

Tristan paused for a moment and looked at me. I, noticing what he wanted to say, frowned, but Tristan opened his mouth again even while looking at my expression.

“Rohan.”

“Yes?”

“You, you knew what kind of place the Demon Realm was even before you came here, did you not?”

“I knew in terms of knowledge.”

I lied without a shred of hesitation. Tristan nodded his head sluggishly. He probably understood it as me having heard information about the Demon Realm from God. That kind of explanation would be much more rational than the fact that I had obtained information about the Demon Realm by enduring tens of thousands of deaths.

However, Tristan did not seem very satisfied even after hearing my answer. He thought for a moment and then asked me again.

“You knew that there would be many dangerous demonic beasts?”

“I knew.”

“And that to defeat those demonic beasts, you too would have to endure painful things?”

“I knew.”

“For just one woman? Whom you do not know the face of, have never met, and have not even exchanged a single word with?”

“Please stop, Your Majesty.”

It is not your fault. I swallowed those words deep in my throat and turned my gaze away, but Tristan still kept his eyes fixed on me. I did not want this kind of situation. I did not want to see Tristan agonize over a problem that did not even have an answer. My being in agony for that reason was enough all on its own…….

But, in the end, Tristan opened his mouth.

“What have I done to you?”

I did not answer.

“It could not be helped. Even if I went back to the past, I would surely have made the same request. I cannot just give up on my wife who was kidnapped into this harsh world without even trying to save her once.”

“……”

“But you, you could have refused.”

“……”

“Of course, to me, Isolde is a precious person, but to you, Isolde is a stranger whose face you have never even seen. No matter how much you are a hero who has received God’s protection, still……”

“……”

“But, why did you step forward to help me without even a moment’s hesitation? Even though you knew it would be this painful.”

To a question that cannot be answered, one can only remain silent. I quietly turned my head and avoided Tristan’s gaze. I did so even while knowing that I should at least offer a honeyed lie to relieve his guilt. It cannot be helped. It was truly something that could not be helped.

“I am sorry.”

“You do not need to say such things.”

“Still, I am sorry to you.”

“I do not wish to receive an apology from Your Majesty for something I chose to do. And there is no reason for me to have to forgive Your Majesty. Do you understand what I mean?”

“……”

“I think it would be better to stop this conversation.”

That intelligent person would not be unaware of what I was trying to say. Only then did Tristan close his mouth.

An apology was unnecessary from the start. I had decided not to expect anything from that person. Not guilt, not kindness, and not the certain kind of emotion that I wished for the most. It was by no means a kind treatment, but I do not think it was unfair.

‘I am sorry, Tristan. But…….’

I, too, must have a means to protect myself. I do not have the leisure to consider your feelings while dealing with unpredictable elements and a boss I am meeting for the first time. No matter how much I care for you, there is a limit to what I can do for you.

Someday, after a very long time has passed, a moment might come when I can be genuinely kind to you. A moment when I can accept your goodwill without a second thought, and if that person apologizes, I can sincerely forgive him. In the first place, that was the reason I decided to start the second playthrough…….

As I was thinking that and looking at Tristan, I realized a strange fact.

“Huh?”

“What is it?”

“Just a moment, Your Majesty.”

I carefully brushed his golden hair aside and examined his right eye. It was difficult to check properly because it was dark, but I could clearly tell the change that had occurred in his eye. The color of his eye had changed. His left eye was still a beautiful green like a transparent sea bathed in sunlight, but his right eye was…….

“Your iris.”

“Hm?”

“The color of your iris has changed. It is red……, in color.”

A blackish red, like dried blood clotted on a wound. It seemed the effects of the curse still remained, and I worried if his vision might be affected, but Tristan replied that he did not feel any abnormality. That was a relief.

However, the next thing Tristan said was cruel in its innocence.

“Isolde might say it is scary. That the color of only one eye has turned red.”

“There is no way.”

“But……. It is a little strange, is it not.”

“It is not strange. The color of your eye just changed a little, that is all. Besides, think about it. If, for some reason, the kidnapped queen’s appearance had changed a little, would Your Majesty stop loving the queen from that moment on?”

Tristan quietly shook his head. It was an answer I had already expected, so I was not particularly hurt. When there are no expectations, there is no disappointment. I maintained an indifferent expression, turning away from my emotions as much as possible.

“That is right, is it not?”

“Now that I think about it, you are right. Your words are correct.”

“So it will be the same for the queen. No matter what Your Majesty looks like, she will surely love Your Majesty.”

Just as I do. I swallowed those words down and stared at Tristan’s right eye. Although it had lost its original color, it was not so bad even now. If I look at it for a long time, I might get used to that red eye. Just as I got used to the gameplay of the first playthrough while experiencing tens of thousands of deaths.

“Come to think of it, I said something unnecessary. We decided not to talk about my wife. I am sorry.”

“No, it is nothing. I do not mind, so please do not worry about it too much either, Your Majesty.”

Ah, right. Come to think of it, if I keep trying, I will get used to the second playthrough someday. I will get used to that person dying a few times, too. Thinking that made me feel much more at ease, and so, for a few more hours after that, I was able to quietly let time pass while leaning my shoulder against Tristan’s.

What Tristan was thinking during that time, I honestly did not want to know.