TEOCH 15

A heavy, warm sensation on my stomach finally brought me back to consciousness.

‘…?!’

As soon as I opened my eyes, I bolted upright. How long had I been unconscious? Were Tristan and Rikiel safe?! I hurriedly scanned my surroundings to check on my comrades, and a familiar tent came into view. It was the tent in the safe zone.

It seemed that while I was out, my comrades had carried me back to the safe zone. I felt relieved knowing we had escaped immediate danger for now. Rikiel was curled up in a corner of the tent, sleeping like a corpse, while outside, I could hear Rehas and Damian chatting about various things.

…Wait, where was Tristan? The most important person wasn’t here? In a panic, I looked around the tent for a while until I noticed something wriggling on my stomach and lowered my gaze. At first, I worried that the parasite was causing some issue, but once I realized what it was, a mix of exasperation and relief washed over me.

“What the…”

What caught my eye was familiar blonde hair. Tristan, sprawled across my stomach and fast asleep, didn’t even stir despite my rather noisy awakening, snoring softly.

Only then did I piece together what had happened. I carefully took the warm, damp cloth from Tristan’s hand and wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and neck, feeling much better. Had he been tending to me until he fell asleep?

‘The lack of pain suggests the wound has healed properly. That’s a relief.’

I gently laid Tristan’s body on the ground and checked my wound. Seeing that the injury on my side had healed without a trace, it seemed the parasite had fully integrated with my body.

Normally, a retaliation parasite should be hosted in a sword or armor to maximize its effect. I felt a twinge of regret, but since I had survived, that was enough for now.

“Mmm…”

“Sleep a bit longer.”

I covered Tristan’s body with my blanket and stepped out of the tent. It was still dark outside. By human world standards, it was probably around 4 a.m. Rehas and Damian, who were keeping watch by the campfire, spotted me and stood up.

“You’re up already? How’s your condition?”

“I’m fully recovered now. Both of you should go inside and get some rest.”

“No, we can’t do that. We’ll keep watch, so Mr. Rohan, you should…”

“You two need to go scouting tomorrow, so it’s better to get some sleep, even if it’s just a few hours. That way, you can stay in good condition.”

At the mention of scouting tomorrow, their faces stiffened, but I ignored it and plopped down by the campfire. No matter how injured I was, I couldn’t use that as an excuse to skip scouting. With the safe zone’s duration reduced to ten days, we had to hurry even more. Otherwise, things would get more dangerous later.

“But Mr. Rohan, you’re also going scouting, aren’t you? We’re fine, so…”

“Just go inside, Damian. The hero’s right.”

“Mr. Rehas…!”

“Making mistakes during scouting because you’re exhausted is worse than being useful in good condition. Come on, let’s go.”

Since when did Rehas start speaking informally to Damian? I tilted my head in curiosity, but seeing Damian didn’t object, I let it slide.

Well, it seemed they had reached some sort of agreement. Even though this was a game world, they weren’t just NPCs—they were people, and in my absence, they developed their own relationships.

I gave Rehas a grateful nod for convincing Damian, and he returned a slight bow before leading Damian into the tent. Left alone, I yawned softly and warmed myself by the fire. Though Damian had gone inside, the flames he had created still flickered before me.

I absentmindedly stuck my hand into the campfire, lost in thought. Since the fire Damian made for heating wasn’t very hot, I enjoyed the gradual warmth in my hand while reflecting on yesterday’s battle.

We barely won, but it was closer to a failed battle. I needed to calmly review and reflect to avoid similar mistakes next time.

‘I was too hasty. Since it was the first scouting mission, I should’ve been more cautious…’

Normally, I would’ve kept in mind the possibility of a mantis ambushing us from somewhere. I hadn’t been navigating the demon realm for just a day or two, and I’d been ambushed by mantises while carelessly wandering around hundreds of times.

Especially in a canyon, where there’s nowhere to escape, I should’ve checked my surroundings thoroughly. Yesterday, I was far too reckless.

‘I was too anxious. Thinking that the safe zone’s duration was halved made me feel like I had to explore as quickly as possible…’

The biggest mistake was failing to maintain caution and composure due to the sudden increase in difficulty. Of course, there were other factors too. The fact that the mantis was an enhanced demonic beast and that Rikiel had been poisoned faster than expected due to the thicker demonic atmosphere likely contributed to yesterday’s injuries.

But if I had handled things more calmly, I wouldn’t have been so severely injured. If that injury had happened to Tristan instead of me…

‘Damn it. I need to be more careful from now on.’

In the past, I might’ve brushed it off, thinking I’d learned something new and that was enough, but unfortunately, the situation now was completely different. I couldn’t afford to casually search for new elements and reset if things went wrong.

I had to approach the game as seriously as possible. More cautiously, more calmly, but not so slowly as to starve from lack of food.

‘Even if memories reset, I don’t want to put him through this hardship tens of thousands of times.’

With that resolve, I steeled my heart. Starting tomorrow, I needed to approach scouting more carefully. Even if it meant expending more stamina, I should always activate Damian’s detection magic and avoid entering areas where escaping would be difficult.

In the previous difficulty, I preferred a playstyle that involved taking some risks to explore various places, but yesterday’s incident made me realize I absolutely couldn’t take such risks now that the difficulty had increased. Encountering another enhanced demonic beast like yesterday would be disastrous.

While lost in these thoughts, I heard rustling behind me, followed by someone’s presence. Was Damian coming back out, claiming he couldn’t sleep? I turned around with a slight frown, only to see an unexpected figure standing there. My eyes widened.

“Are you feeling alright, Rohan?”

“Why are you out here? You should sleep more.”

“I’ve rested enough, so I’m fine. Shouldn’t you be the one resting more? Your complexion still doesn’t look good.”

His green eyes, tinged with sleepiness, were filled with concern. I shifted to make space for Tristan to sit. He draped the blanket I had covered him with over my shoulders, and I fastened it, feeling an odd sensation. Sitting beside me, Tristan cautiously spoke.

“I heard from Damian that you’re going scouting tomorrow as well.”

“It can’t be helped. This safe zone will disappear in ten days. We need to move to a new area before then.”

“If you say so, I can’t argue, but…”

“I’m taking Damian and Rehas with me tomorrow. Just so you know.”

Tristan looked like he had more to say, but I quietly turned my head. Based on my experience, comrades who had just gone through their first battle typically reacted in one of two ways: either they became disheartened, intimidated by the overwhelming power of the demonic beast, or they insisted on joining the next scouting mission to redeem their wounded pride.

Neither was suitable for joining the next scouting mission right away. The former were too scared, and the latter were too reckless.

I didn’t yet know whether Tristan’s mindset leaned toward the former or the latter, but either way, I couldn’t take him on tomorrow’s scouting mission. I didn’t expect Tristan to react much differently from other comrades.

My habit of caring without holding excessive expectations was a defense mechanism built over long years. Just because someone was dear to me didn’t mean they would act as I wanted, so it was easier to keep my expectations slightly lower than for others.

“I hope Your Majesty will stay and guard the safe zone with Sir Rikiel. You must have been shaken by yesterday’s events. Taking a day to rest would be good.”

Seeing Tristan’s eyes cloud with sadness, it seemed he was the former. Come to think of it, Tristan was a king, not a warrior. From yesterday’s battle, he seemed to have at least basic swordsmanship skills, but those were likely honed through sparring with humans, not fighting actual demonic beasts.

It was only natural he’d be scared. I thought of a few encouraging words to offer. That he had purifying abilities, making him better than other comrades, and that if he grew a bit stronger, he could fight those beasts with ease. Such encouragement and optimism were essential for clearing the game and would also help lift Tristan’s spirits.

But just as I was about to speak, Tristan cautiously opened his mouth first.

“Thank you for worrying about me. But…”

“Hm?”

“Weren’t you scared? Are you really alright?”

“Of course. I’m fine. As you can see, my wound has healed.”

I lightly patted my side and smiled. This wasn’t a lie. No matter how brutal the difficulty, the game seemed to offer minimal conveniences, and once a parasite was integrated, most wounds healed.

Of course, keeping the parasite fed required a lot of food, but that was a risk worth taking. Without the parasite, enhancing physical abilities would be impossible.

But Tristan still seemed uneasy. As I was about to offer reassurances, he suddenly said something strange.

“You…”

“Yes?”

“You look like someone who’s lived through eternity.”

I paused for a moment. Tristan’s eyes were still filled with worry and sadness. Until just now, I had thought those emotions stemmed from being shaken by his first battle with a demonic beast, but now I saw they were directed entirely at me.

Feeling an odd sensation, I looked at Tristan. Pretending I was hearing this for the first time, I tilted my head and asked, as if I didn’t know what would come next.

“What do you mean, Your Majesty?”

“…I don’t know. Is it because you’re from another world? When I look at you, I get that feeling. That you’ve lived through an unimaginably long time. That every twist and turn of those years is filled with painful, heavy memories…”

I stared at Tristan’s face for a while. After my twenty-third thousandth death, if I stayed in the castle for more than three days, there was a fifty percent chance this event would trigger. This story, which Tristan would occasionally bring up when visiting me at dawn, was one of many events I could never get used to, no matter how many dozens of times I experienced it.

If I had to rank it, wouldn’t it be among the top five? Was it special because it came from a special man, or did it feel special because his words captured my essence? I didn’t know, and there was no need to distinguish.

“Well, it’s true that I’ve lived longer than Your Majesty might think.”

“I thought so. You don’t look much different from me on the surface, but when I look into your eyes, I can’t see you as my peer.”

“That’s an interesting thing to say. How old do I seem to you, Your Majesty?”

“I can’t guess.”

Tristan gave a faint smile and turned his head. His gaze, fixed on the flickering campfire, still seemed slightly subdued. I waited for what he would say next, but oddly, Tristan remained silent instead of continuing. Puzzled, I tilted my head, but soon I could guess the reason.

Come to think of it, the situation was different. The context of this conversation in the castle’s bedroom versus in the demon realm’s night was bound to differ. In the castle, Tristan’s words had been accompanied by a few extra flourishes. A futile, unattainable hypothetical.

‘Do you ever want to go back, Rohan?’

‘Pardon?’

‘If you don’t want to do this, you can tell me. You’re from another world, and there’s no reason you should bear my mistakes. If you refuse this task, I’ll find a way to send you back to your original world.’

‘But Your Majesty, why…?’

‘I don’t know. I’m not sure how to explain it so you’d understand, but…’

The current Tristan probably couldn’t bring himself to say that. Unlike in the past, when he could search for a way to send me back or at least delay sending me to the demon realm, now that we were already here, there was no option but to defeat the Demon King.

I gazed at Tristan’s profile. What had I said in response to his question? The first time I heard it, I think I cried, and after hearing it multiple times, I managed to stay composed, but I never once thought I wanted to return to my original world.

My first thought was whether I could really go back. The second was what I would do if I did. The third was that I had already become somewhat aware of my feelings for this man.

By that point, my mind was already a bit broken, and I even seriously entertained the absurd notion that maybe the real world was a dream, and this world was the true reality. The fear that this delusion might be true made it impossible to choose to return.

But.

“I’m sorry to you.”

“What?”

“You’ve already been through so much hardship, and I’m adding more pain than necessary… It feels so shameful.”

Tristan’s voice was laced with anguish. He curled up, burying his head between his knees as if to hide his expression, but I could roughly guess what his face looked like. I’d seen it many times, though back then, he wasn’t tormented by guilt like he was now…

‘I don’t want to add more pain to you, who’ve already endured so much hardship.’

What had I said in response back then? I’m sure I comforted him and repeatedly affirmed I’d go to the demon realm, but I couldn’t recall the details.

It was absurd that I couldn’t remember a response from the last playthrough, but in real time, that was a year ago. It would be stranger to remember the specifics.

“…Your Majesty.”

“If I had been a bit more cautious, if I hadn’t acted so recklessly, you wouldn’t have had to endure that pain yesterday.”

So I didn’t know what to say to him. Blaming him wouldn’t erase the hardships I’d endured, and comforting him didn’t seem like it would ease his guilt.

After a moment of hesitation, I slowly opened my mouth, letting out the thoughts in my head. I knew it wasn’t exactly kind, but I had no choice. This was the best response I could give Tristan.

“Is it Your Majesty’s fault?”

“…Hm?”

“Is it Your Majesty’s fault that I was injured yesterday?”

“Well, if I hadn’t made such an unreasonable request of you…”

“I don’t know. Is it unreasonable to ask a hero sent by the gods to fulfill their destiny? Isn’t that rather natural?”

“Rohan?”

“Did the Demon King kidnap Her Majesty the Queen because Your Majesty wished it? Did the gods bring me to this world because Your Majesty wanted it? Is the demon realm so treacherous, and are the demonic beasts so powerful—beyond human ability to overcome—because Your Majesty desired it?”

“I, well, that’s…”

“Is that the source of the shame Your Majesty feels?”

Tristan finally lifted his head to look at me. Seeing his expression tinged with confusion and his trembling fingertips, I clicked my tongue lightly. Oh, did I scare him too much? I only wanted to explain why I’d forgiven him, but it seemed Tristan took it as a reprimand.

This demon realm really is a messed-up place. In the human world, I could speak a bit more kindly and gently, but here, my words kept coming out rough. As I pondered how to salvage the situation, I finally…

“N, no, I didn’t mean…”

“It’s not, is it?”

“…?!”

Meeting his eyes, I could only give a small smile. Watching Tristan’s distressed expression shift to bewilderment, I tried to soften my tone a bit more.

“Don’t feel guilty over things that aren’t yours to bear.”

“Rohan…?”

“Things you didn’t wish for, things you couldn’t control. Humans are too weak to dwell on such things and suffer. We don’t have enough strength to spare on that when we’re already struggling to navigate the demon realm.”

“B, but…”

“What does feeling guilty solve? Honestly, is there anything among the problems you’re worrying about that Your Majesty can actually fix? If you really want to do something for me, instead of making that face, smile. That’s what helps me.”

Fortunately, it seemed to work, as Tristan stared at me blankly with wide eyes. I shrugged lightly and stuck my hand back into the campfire.

After the first few thousand deaths, when my resentment toward this man had peaked, this was the first time I’d voiced the conclusion I’d reached to calm myself.

I used to resent him, but upon reflection, it didn’t seem like my current struggles were entirely his fault. What crime had he committed?

Tristan had shown me all the kindness he could, and blaming him for not offering more wouldn’t change anything. So, this was enough.

‘Saying it out loud, it feels like no big deal.’

I thought, looking up at the sky. Time had passed during our conversation, and the horizon was already faintly brightening. It was about time for breakfast.

I went into the tent to grab some simple food and came back out, noticing Tristan staring at me. I handed him a few pieces of bread and jerky, and he accepted them with a complicated expression.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“You… You’re a truly remarkable person.”

“I think that about myself sometimes too.”

I smiled softly and picked up a piece of bread. We ate in silence, without much conversation. Tristan seemed to be reflecting on what I’d said, while I was pondering which direction to explore today.

This moment, eating absentmindedly while lost in our thoughts, might seem dull at a glance, but in the demon realm, such calm and peaceful times were rare. To me, it felt like a perfect moment, needing nothing added or taken away.

Well, except for the bread and jerky, which kept multiplying despite my efforts to eat.

“I, I’m fine. I have my own share.”

“Eat this too.”

“You don’t need to give me so much…”

“…I said eat it.”

“I…”

“….”

“…I’m grateful for Your Majesty’s kindness.”

Tristan’s insistence on sharing his bread was so forceful that I gave up declining and quietly accepted it. Watching him eat filled me up in a way, but from his perspective, he probably felt reassured seeing me eat heartily and regain my strength.

Alright, I could indulge this level of stubbornness. If it helped him shake off his guilt, it was more than worth it.

Above all, the way he smiled like an angel the moment I accepted the bread… It stirred a feeling in me that was hard to describe. I hadn’t expected him to take my earlier words to heart so soon.

Trying to hide the jolt in my heart, I silently tore into the bread. Tristan, oblivious to my feelings, just kept smiling softly.