TEOCH 45

“Ro… Rohan?”

My breath caught in my throat. My mind went completely blank. Without even registering Tristan’s voice, which sounded quite bewildered, I had to struggle with all my might to calm myself down.

But isn’t this a bit too much? How on earth can a person take off their clothes like that without a single shred of hesitation?

“Mr. Rohan? What’s wrong?”

“Wh-What is it? Did His Majesty do something wrong?”

The surrounding companions all seemed flustered as well, but this was no time to be concerned about them. In the first place, that person was the one being careless. He should have at least said something before taking off his clothes. Isn’t it natural for anyone to be surprised if someone suddenly reveals their naked body without any reason?

Right, I’m not the strange one. That person was in the wrong. The fact that the grimy smell from sweating so much doesn’t feel unpleasant at all, the fact that even though he’s almost thirty, the line of his neck and waist are still so soft, the fact that he deliberately took off his shirt to show me that form… Come to think of it, why is he even taking off his clothes? I was just trying to wash him!

No, wait a minute.

Come to think of it… do you have to take off your clothes to wash?

“Rohan, are you all right? If I have done something dangerous, please, at least a proper explanation…”

My senses snapped back with the feeling of all the blood in my body turning cold. No trace of ulterior motives could be read in Tristan’s expression as he looked at me with serious eyes.

‘What am I doing right now?’

As the foolish realization dawned on me belatedly, my wildly pounding heart sank. Of course, it was an incredibly bewildering situation for me, who had not been able to let go of my lingering feelings for that person, but from a general perspective, it was not the least bit strange.

It’s natural to take off your clothes to wash. You can’t exactly wash with your clothes on. As for me, even at this very moment, I’m so embarrassed that I can’t even look at that person’s bare body properly, but from that person’s perspective…

‘Even if this were repeated tens of thousands of more times, that person would never think of me that way.’

With the sensation of my insides twisting, the heat in my face subsided completely. It was fortunate that proper reason was crammed back into my blank mind, but my legs were trembling so uncontrollably that my balance faltered. A startled Tristan tried to catch me, but I stepped back while pretending to right my posture. The thought that I needed to make an excuse for shouting just now finally took root in my mind.

“…I’m sorry for suddenly shouting.”

“Did I perhaps commit an indiscretion? I apologize, I had no intention of startling you…”

“No, it’s not Your Majesty’s fault. What just happened was entirely my mistake.”

As I cleared my throat lightly and lifted my head, Tristan stared at me with a face colored by pure bewilderment. I scanned my companions’ expressions and racked my brain for an excuse. Fortunately, it wasn’t that difficult. I could come up with any number of excuses to reassure these people.

“A mistake?”

“Yes. I’m still not quite used to the customs of this world. I’m sorry.”

“Customs? Was there something in my actions that went against customs?”

“It’s not that serious, but… in the world I used to live in, it was considered polite not to show your naked body, even to someone of the same sex.”

Of course, it was a bald-faced lie. If my memory serves me right, taking off one’s clothes in front of same-sex company was not a particular breach of etiquette in my old world either. My classmates and university peers would look at me strangely for my particularly sensitive reaction, and I vaguely remember being puzzled in my childhood, wondering why I reacted with such hostility. It took me over 20 years to realize that I might have been especially sensitive because I was in front of a member of the same sex for whom I had feelings.

In a way, I was like a foreigner in my old world, too. Unable to blend in smoothly with the people around me… Shaking off the gloomy thoughts that filled my head, I put on an indifferent, blank expression. Tristan tilted his head, looking perplexed, but he seemed to have accepted my words anyway and awkwardly picked up his shirt. I sighed and shook my head.

“No, Your Majesty. Since it’s come to this, just come here.”

“But you said it was a breach of etiquette in your world.”

“This is neither my world nor Your Majesty’s world anyway. There’s no point in adhering to the laws of an old world in a place like this. I will wash you.”

“Is that so. But you don’t have to go so far as to wash me. If you just pour the water, I can…”

“I will wash you.”

“…”

In the end, Tristan sighed and came over to me. I had Tristan sit by the water’s edge and bow his head, then I filled the gourd to the brim with purified water and poured it over his head.

The water must have been quite cold, but he didn’t show it, only shivering slightly. It would have been less awkward if he had at least said a word about it being cold, but even while thinking that, I couldn’t say anything and remained silent.

Holding the gourd in one hand, I poured water while washing Tristan’s hair with the other. If only I had some soap, I could have washed him more cleanly, but in these poor conditions, washing the dirt from between his hair strands was the best I could do.

Watching his blond hair, which had been matted and dull with dirt and dust, gradually regain its color, I moved my hands diligently. Amidst the loud splashing sound of the water, a stray thought that had formed in a corner of my consciousness suddenly reared its head. It was a worry I had been trying to forget since entering the demon world.

‘Am I, I mean… am I still hoping for something from this person?’

I thought it had been a long time since I stopped expecting anything from Tristan. After all, this person has a partner of his own choosing, and his heart is so earnest that he would willingly give up his own life to get that partner back.

Besides, even if this person were to let go of his feelings for his partner, I don’t think I could ever take that place. To fill the spot beside this person, one needs to be someone who can be a queen and support the country alongside the king.

So I think I shouldn’t hold onto any more lingering feelings for this person. But, that thought always ends as just a thought, a lingering attachment that I can’t seem to sever even after tens of thousands of deaths… I silently swallowed a sigh as I poured more water over Tristan’s head. Perhaps even if I repeat death a few thousand more times, I won’t be able to shake off this lingering attachment.

“Is it… not done yet?”

“It’s almost done. Please stay still.”

After investing several tens of minutes into removing the grease from his hair, Tristan’s hair returned to its original brilliant blond.

I poured water on the wounds on his left arm and side. They were just flea bites, but any wound on this person’s body is a pitiful sight. If I hadn’t chosen the second playthrough, this person would have no reason to get such injuries. He might have been able to live out a fairytale happy ending with the queen he had finally regained…

‘Can I really give up on this feeling?’

Was my choice to enter the second playthrough really the right one, or am I just putting this person through unnecessary hardship? I recall the worries I’ve pondered over and over again. Am I not just snatching away this person’s happiness under the pretext of getting over my lingering feelings? Every time I think that, a lukewarm sense of guilt fills my stomach, but…

Still, the fact that I can wash your body with my own hands like this still makes me happy.

“Rohan, I think you can probably stop now.”

“I told you to stay still. Why are you moving so much.”

“But…”

“Just a little more. Now, don’t be difficult.”

Ignoring Tristan, who was flinching, I poured water over his head again. I thoroughly scrubbed his grimy neck, unwashed for a long time, and under the pretext of removing dirt from behind his ears, I fiddled with his soft earlobes a little longer. While feeling a strange self-loathing in a corner of my mind, I continued to wash this person as if nothing was wrong.

It would be a lie to say I’m not enjoying this act right now. Just as I felt joy from the body heat that enveloped my entire back while carrying this person up the vine, I am now deceiving myself, wishing for this moment not to end.

It was contradictory, even to myself. To have turned my back on the ‘happy ending’ to sever my lingering feelings for this person, only to relish his presence and feel an intimate joy the moment the opportunity arose.

A thought occurred to me. It would be okay if this person suffered a little more in the demon world, if only I could be with him a little longer… Even though I know it’s a desire that will ultimately consume me.

“It’s all done. Here, dry yourself with this.”

I stood up listlessly and handed Tristan a blanket. As Tristan staggered to his feet, I lifted my head and looked at the other companions.

But for some reason, their expressions were all strange. Damian was trying hard not to look my way while starting a fire and grilling meat (I was pretty sure we were supposed to eat after washing, so I had no idea why he was eating first), and Rikiel, while picking at the meat beside him, was openly glancing at me with a look of trouble. And, Rehas was…

“You, do you have some kind of grudge against His Majesty the King?”

“What are you talking about? Come on, come over here. You need to wash too, don’t you?”

“Hmm… Are you planning to peel my skin off just like you did to His Majesty? I’d rather not go that far, you know.”

“What nonsense are you spouting? Here, I’ll pour the water, so wash yourself.”

Rehas hastily took off his shirt, and I, starting to feel tired, poured water on his bare torso. I had only washed one person, but I had no idea why my arms were aching so much. Come to think of it, I’m getting hungry too… How many minutes did I even spend washing Tristan?

“Hey, could you scratch my back? It’s itching like crazy!”

“Scratch it yourself.”

“I can’t reach! You were making such a big production out of washing His Majesty earlier!”

“Did I? I don’t really know. Anyway, if you scratch it carelessly, it’ll get infected, so just endure it by washing.”

“Then at least a little more slowly and leisurely… Glug glug!”

“The others are waiting. I have my limits too, so I can’t spend all my energy washing just you.”

Rehas giggled and washed his hair boisterously. Once I judged that a decent amount of oil had been washed from his red hair, I casually tossed Rehas a blanket and called for Rikiel. As Rikiel approached, leaving a grumbling Rehas behind, for some reason…

“…”

“Bow your head.”

“Alright.”

“Do you have a problem with me or something?”

“You’re one to talk… If you have a problem with His Majesty, isn’t it better to say it with words?”

“Pardon?”

“No, forget I said anything. If you were that displeased.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“…”

“Shall I wash you?”

“It’s fine. I’ll wash myself.”

I sighed and poured water over Rikiel’s head. Rikiel didn’t make a fuss as dramatically as Rehas, but true to his nature of valuing cleanliness, he washed his hair and scrubbed his body over and over. It also seemed like he was trying his best not to look my way.

It seems like he has a significant misunderstanding about my actions just now, but… I decided to just let Rikiel misunderstand. At least that would be better than him knowing the truth.

After Rikiel finished washing, I stood up and called for Damian. He had finished a proper meal and was dozing off, but his eyes shot open in surprise when I approached.

“Uh, um… has everyone else washed?”

“You’re the only one left. Are you very sleepy?”

“No, watching what you were doing, Mr. Rohan, I thought it would be over around midnight, so I was just trying to get some sleep… Are you done already?”

It seems I really was a bit too much. I glanced at my companions gathered around the campfire, tearing at meat. Seeing Tristan sitting there with a fresh face and shining blond hair gave me a sense of pride, but the other companions were glancing at me with strange expressions.

Rehas, in particular, was whispering something into Rikiel’s ear. I thought Rehas and Rikiel weren’t that close, so I had no idea what had prompted them to become close enough to whisper to each other, but… after hearing Rehas’s whisper, Rikiel looked at me and Damian with very reluctant eyes. What on earth did that man Rehas say to Rikiel?

“Now, bow your head.”

“Yeees… But Mr. Rohan, could you maybe help me wash my hair? It’s long, so I think it’ll take a while.”

“Honestly, it would be faster to just cut your hair off than to wash it.”

“Th-That’s so mean!”

“What’s mean about it? Rather than walking around with your hair grown out all long and stringy like this, wouldn’t it be neater and more convenient to cut it to at least Sir Rikiel’s length?”

“B-But… for a mage, hair is life! If my hair is short, I can’t use my magic to its full potential!”

“Stop lying, isn’t the court mage bald?”

“Uh, that’s… He’s already hurt by that fact, so you shouldn’t tease him about it, Mr. Rohan!”

I let out a soft laugh and washed Damian’s hair. It might be the first time for Damian, but for me, it was a a little scene that had been repeated many times, so I had no intention of actually cutting his hair. I already know why he’s so obsessed with his hair.

But Damian’s flustered appearance as he rattled off various excuses was quite cute, so I continued to tease him while leisurely washing his hair.

As I washed his hair while trading lighthearted jokes, my previously sunken mood gradually improved. His long hair kept getting tangled since there wasn’t a single bar of soap, but Damian didn’t say a word of complaint and obediently entrusted his head to me. After a few dozen minutes, Damian lightly shook his head and wrung the water out.

“You’re stopping already?”

“This is enough. At least it doesn’t feel sticky anymore…”

“Still, it would be better to wash a little more. We don’t get opportunities to wash like this often.”

“D-Did I do something wrong?”

“…Let’s stop. Now, lift up your pant leg. If you don’t wash the wound properly, it will get infected.”

Damian nodded with a fearful expression and rolled up his pant leg. Seeing even this person react this way, it seems I really overdid it. I should try to restrain myself a bit from now on, I thought, as I washed Damian’s leg clean.

By the time I finished washing his back, feeling sorry for Damian who was writhing as if it was incredibly itchy, darkness had already fallen all around us.

Has it gotten this late already? As I tilted my head and looked at the moonless sky, drowsiness washed over me and my limbs ached all over. It wouldn’t have been strange if I had collapsed right then and there.

“Uh, aren’t you going to wash, Mr. Rohan?”

“I’m a bit tired from the effort of washing you all. I’m sorry, but I think I have to go to bed first. Could you all take the first watch?”

“Yes, well… You can go to sleep first.”

As I staggered to my feet, it felt like my arms and legs were cramping up. Leaving my companions behind, I went inside the temporary shelter and lay down, my whole body tingling with fatigue. The thought of whether Tristan also thought I was washing him for a long time to torment him briefly crossed my mind, but it didn’t matter anyway. It was better to be misunderstood as being hated than to have my true feelings discovered.

The moment I closed my eyes, my consciousness instantly sank into darkness. My unwashed body felt sticky, but the sleep that washed over me was as sweet as could be.