TEOCH 68

For a brief moment, I tried to ignore the twisting feeling in my stomach.

“By ‘that person’… are you referring to Her Majesty, the Queen?”

“That’s right. To you, a man, being told you resemble a woman might be taken as strange, but I truly felt that way.”

The voice that escaped my lips was calm and subdued, to a degree I myself was satisfied with. Tristan’s eyes crinkled as he smiled happily, and at the fact that his smile shone more beautifully than it had at any point since we came to the demon world, I felt a chilling pleasure deep in my stomach.

I tried to imitate his smile, raising the corners of my mouth, but it didn’t work well. It was a little bitter, being unable to smile properly even with such a perfect example of a smile right in front of me.

“No, I believe Your Majesty must have a valid reason for thinking so. Though I am surely not as beautiful as she is.”

“Hmm? I think you are also truly beautiful. This might be a bit difficult to hear, but…”

Hoping that Tristan was making a joke, I examined his eyes, but his gentle green eyes were filled with sincerity, as they always had been.

If only he had been the type of person who considered empty compliments and frivolous jokes to be a matter of courtesy, perhaps my own suffering would have been a little less. While I momentarily lowered my gaze, Tristan continued to speak with a nostalgic look in his eyes.

“That’s not what I meant. Of course, you and Isolde look quite different, but still, how should I put it… I feel like you’re strangely similar. Parts like the expressions you sometimes make, or the look in your eyes.”

“Is that so? How strange.”

“Yes, it’s truly a strange thing. How can your expressions be so identical when you look so different?”

“Are they that identical? I do not know her, so I cannot say for certain.”

I left the countless words boiling up in my chest and brought out only the driest of replies.

…Did she love you, too?

Her love, the way she would spill out a little of the emotions that had pooled in her heart just before overflowing, was it perhaps similar to my way?

Leaving the questions that would be meaningless no matter what answer they received to rot, I silently captured Tristan’s smile with my eyes.

The chill seeping into the hole in my stomach was by no means anguish. This wasn’t something I had started without knowing it would turn out this way. I had wished for nothing from the start, so there was no reason for disappointment to come, and I had dreamed of nothing, so there was no reason to feel empty. After all, I didn’t start the second playthrough with the thought of doing something or other with him.

It was just a little sad. Because.

“Still, it’s a relief. Because my expression resembles Her Majesty the Queen’s, I was able to see Your Majesty smile like that.”

“Hmm? My smile?”

“Did you not know? How brightly Your Majesty was just smiling. It is the first time I have seen Your Majesty smile like that since we set foot in the demon world.”

“Ah, I certainly think that’s true! It’s the first time His Majesty has smiled like that since Her Majesty the Queen was kidnapped.”

Damian and Rikiel nodded in agreement with my words, and Tristan looked at us with curious eyes. Judging by his expression, Tristan didn’t seem to have noticed that he had been smiling that way.

Of course he wouldn’t. People who display beauty are often unaware of the value their own beauty holds…

And I know. There is only one person who can make him smile so beautifully, and that ‘one person’ can never be me.

“Did I do that? Now that you all say so, I feel rather embarrassed.”

“What is there to be embarrassed about? It just means that Your Majesty cares for Her Majesty the Queen that much.”

“Thank you for saying so, Damian. Although right now, I’m just showing a pathetic side of myself, unable to protect the one person I care for so much…”

Perhaps overcome with longing for the queen, who must be imprisoned in the Demon King’s castle by now, a shadow fell over Tristan’s face, which had been full of smiles just a moment ago. Watching him, all sorts of thoughts tried to surface in my mind before disappearing. Among them were thoughts too trivial to remember, and also thoughts too sordid to want to admit.

There is no meaning in boiling thoughts. If I keep my mouth shut, no one will ever know. Still, it was a relief that Damian continued the conversation. That person is truly always helpful.

“Her Majesty the Queen is surely safe, right?”

“We don’t know yet. But, I just… I just hope she’s alive. I don’t wish for anything else, I just hope she can hold on until we get there. If that person were to die…”

If that person were to pass away, I would. As if imagining something bad, Tristan covered his face with both hands and muttered helplessly. The bloodshot eyes and reddened tip of his nose, glimpsed between his fingers, were pitiable and at the same time painful to see.

I don’t know. If the queen’s breath were to cease, would he look at me first, or would he cease his own breath to follow her?

Gazing at his side profile, I put on a pained smile, just like in the old days. I knew Rehas was watching me with a strange look in his eyes, but something like that didn’t matter. If I didn’t laugh, I would have no choice but to go mad. It felt like the empty hole in my stomach was growing larger and would devour my entire body.

Of course, I think I will get used to this feeling someday. Just as I got used to life in the demon world, the day will come when I get used to my own inferiority complex. The day will come when all my insides are gnawed away and my senses break down to the point where I can no longer feel any pain. I am repeating these days with just that expectation.

Of course, it seems that day is still a long way off.

“But it’s okay, because you are here.”

“…Pardon?”

A face as beautiful as the sky after the rain lifted its head. For a moment, I stared blankly at Tristan, and then I barely registered that the ‘you’ this person was speaking of meant me.

It was so obvious that I wondered why I had noticed so late. How could I not know, when he was speaking to me while gazing at me with such clear eyes? There was no need for any doubt about the fact that he was relying on me. But why was it so hard to breathe? Why was an unknown longing ringing like hunger in my empty stomach?

Of course, the reason for it was as clear as his clean and upright gaze.

“Rohan, you’ll help me, right? So that I can rescue that woman safely.”

“Of course, Your Majesty.”

It is because I still have not let go.

Of a single man who says such cruel things so casually.

In the end, the first training session concluded without incident. I rested while making small talk with Tristan, and then I sparred with Rikiel. Since I had been granted ‘Battle Preparation’ by Damian, I had to move my body much more attentively and cautiously than in a normal spar. My senses were dulled and my physical strength was dramatically increased, so a single misstep could have led to injury, but…

“Why are you making that face, Sir Rikiel?”

“It seems you had a lot of pent-up feelings for me.”

“No, not at all.”

“Then what was that spar just now? It was clearly…”

“If it’s about that, it seems I was a bit reckless. But it couldn’t be helped, could it? It’s not like I ever get a chance to push Sir Rikiel back in a spar through normal means. It was an interesting experience.”

“That… Hah, fine. If you enjoyed it, then that’s all that matters.”

On the way back to our temporary shelter after the spar, Rikiel grumbled at me with a slightly sulky expression, but I just shrugged nonchalantly.

Rikiel, who was not used to the state of dulled senses, was much more sluggish than usual, and thanks to that, I was able to push him back with a more refreshed feeling than usual. Of course, this was something I could never dream of under normal circumstances. No matter how well I knew his weaknesses, I was always pushed back by him due to the overwhelming differences in physique, strength, and speed.

‘Well, I was completely pushed back in the latter half of the spar just now, too…’

If you only look at the result, it was as good as my loss, but in any case, I was able to release at least a little of the gloom that had been weighing on my heart. My arms and legs were quite stiff, probably from moving too hard, but something like this wasn’t a big problem. Isn’t it better for the body to be tired than for the mind to be uncomfortable?

‘Yes, if I keep going through situations like this, the day will come when I can shake off my lingering feelings. So I don’t need to worry too much.’

I snickered, glancing at Tristan who was watching the conversation between me and Rikiel with an amused look. It was a sound formed from the rotten decay of screams and sighs, refined into the shape of a laugh, but it probably looked plausible on the outside. It’s fine. Thanks to moving my body, my mood has improved a bit, so I can endure it too. I don’t hope to overcome it, so as long as I can endure, it’s enough.

The only thing that bothered me was Rehas, who had been observing my expression with a strangely serious look for a while now. I felt a pang of guilt for no reason, but when our eyes met, Rehas just gave a plain smile and shrugged. What was that? His expression looked like he had something he wanted to say.

“Hmm? Why are you suddenly looking at me, friend?”

“Pardon? Ah, it’s nothing.”

While giving a vague answer to Rehas who was questioning me back, I fell into a state of anxiety, wondering if he had noticed something. Since he was a person with good intuition in strange areas, it wouldn’t be surprising even if he noticed my feelings for Tristan…

‘No way, there’s no way. I’m overthinking it.’

I swallowed down my worries and shook my head slightly. In any case, this world isn’t a place where the perception of homosexuality is as common as where I used to live, so even he probably wouldn’t immediately suspect something like that. At most, he’s probably acting like that because he thought my reaction just now was a little strange.

I tried to soothe myself like that and collected my thoughts. That must be the problem. No, it has to be that problem.

Whether it was misfortune or fortune, Rehas didn’t say anything to me until we had almost reached our temporary shelter. I was walking, thinking I should talk to him separately once we returned to the shelter, when suddenly Rehas’s eyes narrowed faintly. I grew anxious, wondering if he was going to say something right here. But, instead of speaking to me, he immediately reached out his hand and—

“Your Majesty, be careful!”

At the same time as Rehas pulled Tristan’s right arm back, several tree roots shot out from under the spot where Tristan was about to step, clawing at the empty air. It seemed he had stepped on some tree root incorrectly. Tristan, who had avoided the attack by a hair’s breadth, looked at the ground with surprised eyes, and Rehas gave a light shrug.

“Thank you. Thanks to you, I was able to avoid danger.”

“Well, don’t mention it.”

Rehas gave a light bow to Tristan and glanced at me, and I had to struggle to put on a completely unfazed expression. It was ominous, as I had suspected. To the point where I felt like I wanted to turn his insides out right now to find out what on earth he was thinking.