DOGC Ch 9

If I am caught doing this, will I die?

Lying in bed, Seorim covered his face with his palms. There was no turning back now. Even if he stayed like this, a good future would not come anyway. His current daily life was no different from being a corpse.

He had brought his cell phone and placed it under the pillow. He planned to hide it under the bed mattress if he sensed anyone coming up.

It was when he was trying to figure out when he should contact his father. Suddenly, a text message arrived. Even with just a simple notification, his heart felt as if it had dropped.

The sender was, of course, Ryu Hyun-joon.

[Seorim, have you tried using the phone?] 5:30 PM

How did he know like a ghost that I had just used it? Did he really plant a listening device on it? His thoughts became complicated. It seemed that observing his movements was the first priority, so Seorim feigned ignorance.

[I don’t really know what’s what.] 5:32 PM

A reply arrived quickly.

[haha Should I teach you a little? I tried buying a model that young people these days like.] 5:32 PM

[I know how to send texts, but I don’t know much else.] 5:33 PM

[You look like a baby, but you’re a total grandpa. Cute.] 5:33 PM

Does this person not work?

[Did you eat?] 5:33 PM

He has so many questions. It was an interest that was not very welcome. Just having this kind of trivial conversation, he could not figure out how much this person knew.

[I ate.] 5:34 PM

[What did you eat?] 5:34 PM

[I just picked up some bread that was lying around and ate it. Aren’t you busy?] 5:35 PM

This time, the reply arrived a little later.

[I’m getting off work soon, so I have some time. I’m also curious about you, Seorim.] 5:37 PM

Texting was uncomfortable. He could not use the skill he had uniquely acquired in this life—the ability to read others’ thoughts and observe their expressions. Since he had decided to actively use Ryu Hyun-joon, he needed to know more about what he was thinking.

Seorim stared at the screen until the cell phone flickered and went dark on its own, then moved his finger.

[Then will you teach me?] 5:41 PM

It was a text that contained multiple meanings. And the reply was the fastest among all the messages he had sent so far.

[See you in the evening. In front of the lake.] 5:41 PM

In the evening, at the lake.

A dry cough escaped him. Does this person know that it is very cold? He probably does not, since he is always in a warm indoor space and wears expensive outerwear when he comes out. Perhaps he has never once felt true cold in his entire life.

A sense of fatigue washed over him. Seorim closed his eyes, reciting his father’s contact number that he had obtained from the previous phone call. The eight-digit number was memorized automatically. It seemed he would probably never forget it for the rest of his life.

Was it because his nerves had become sensitive more often? Recently, whenever he closed his eyes, sleep would rush over him quickly.

Half-conscious, Seorim fumbled under the pillow and hid the cell phone. Although it was unlikely that someone would come in while he was asleep for a short while.

While he slept, he had a strange dream.

It was a dream of standing alone in a sea of fire. The mansion, the greenhouse, everything was being devoured by flames, burning red. Standing in that chaos, Seorim stared blankly at the mansion turning to ash.

Is this a nightmare? Or, since there was no affection, no positive emotion whatsoever for the mansion, is it a good dream?

When the flames reached the tips of his toes, Seorim woke up from his sleep.

His body was so drenched it was as if the heat he had touched in the dream had affected reality. Seorim wiped away the cold sweat on his neck and let out a low sigh.

Strangely, he was thirsty. Since there was nothing in the room to quench his thirst, Seorim immediately stood up and headed for the bathroom.

He washed his face with cold water and rinsed his dry mouth. He felt his muddled mind clearing up a bit. Even though he was not eating properly, his face was becoming more haggard by the day. It was a problem. It was, after all, his means of livelihood.

Just a little longer, just shine until I get out of here.

If he could gain freedom, he would be fine with living with mud smeared on his cheek for the rest of his life. He would be fine if he got a large scar, or if one of his limbs was broken. Seorim looked at his reflection in the mirror and once again washed his features with cold water.

As soon as he sat on the bed with a clearer mind, the cell phone flickered on with a flash. He was still not used to looking at the cell phone screen.

[Want to come out now?] 7:30 PM

Speak of the devil.

Seorim slipped his arms into a cardigan and tried to erase the expressionless man that had been reflected in the mirror. When he put strength into the corners of his mouth and pulled them up, a decent enough smile was formed.

His steps were not light as he left the room. Even though it was still early evening, the hallway was quiet with all the lights turned off.

The path to the lake was chilly. Only the palm of his hand, clutching the cell phone in his pocket, was sweaty and slippery. Seorim wiped his hand on his pants to remove the moisture.

Soon, blades of grass brushed against the tips of his shoes, and the lakeside, exuding a cool chill, unfolded before his eyes.

A figure who had arrived first came into view. When Seorim made a sound with his footsteps to reveal his presence, the man lifted his head.

“Seorim, you’re here?”

In the darkness, Ryu Hyun-joon’s white teeth were clearly visible as he smiled. Seorim also tried to form his favorite smile and adjusted his mouth to show it. However, the other man’s expression, seen up close, was strange.

“Hyun-joon?”

His eyes were filled with hostility and wariness. But strangely, their gazes did not meet. After looking up at Ryu Hyun-joon for a moment, Seorim realized that he was not looking at him.

“What brings you here?”

The place where Ryu Hyun-joon’s thorns were aimed was none other than behind Seorim. Startled, Seorim turned around. Behind him stood a man with a much larger and more emotionless-looking face than his own.

“Ryu Yeonho……”

Seorim unknowingly let out his name as if in a m**n. At what point had he started following him? And how had he been so close without him noticing at all? It was impossible to know whether his mind had been so preoccupied with something else, or if Ryu Yeonho had masterfully erased his presence.

“Did I come to a place I’m not supposed to be?”

The voice was relaxed, carried no warmth whatsoever, and even felt calm. It was hard to believe it was the voice of someone who had committed the absurd act of following someone else.

Yeonho’s eyes flickered between Hyun-joon and Seorim. The time his gaze lingered on Seorim was longer.

“What kind of relationship are you two in, meeting here separately.”

“……”

“Having a secret rendezvous?”

He says such things after driving him into a corner as if he would eat him alive just the other day for being with Ryu Hyun-joon. Not knowing where to place his bewildered gaze, Seorim dropped his eyes to the tips of his toes.

Ryu Hyun-joon also seemed very surprised, but he did not seem to have any intention of hiding his greater discomfort.

“Am I not allowed to get close to Seorim?”

“There’s no reason you can’t.”

After the simple words, a remark mixed with a look-down-on-you kind of laugh followed.

“But you’re a long way from properly seducing him.”

Ryu Yeonho, who had been a few steps away, approached. His pheromones were not felt, perhaps because he had contained them, but his scent suddenly came closer.

“The kid is dressed so coldly.”

Saying that, Yeonho wrapped his arm around Seorim’s shoulder. At the seemingly intimate skinship, Ryu Hyun-joon’s brow wrinkled openly like a piece of paper.

It felt less like a gentle touch filled with concern and more like a greedy gesture to protect his prey. Openly showing a cold expression did not fit the image he had to show Ryu Hyun-joon, so he was at a loss as to how he should hide this uncomfortable feeling. Seorim found the person named Ryu Yeonho frightening, annoying, uncomfortable, and very, very difficult.

He could not understand what he was thinking. The reason he followed him, the reason he was holding his shoulder now as if claiming ownership, the reason he was engaging in an unnecessary power struggle with Ryu Hyun-joon.

Just what do you think of me?

The tip of Ryu Yeonho’s finger dropped toward the nape of his neck. It was the place where he had left a bruise by sinking his teeth in during their previous lovemaking.

He could not understand at all why he was deliberately touching this place.

Afraid that Ryu Hyun-joon might see the bruise, Seorim flinched his shoulders. At that sight, Hyun-joon, who had been glaring at Yeonho with a look of utter shock, snapped at him.

“He doesn’t like it, let go.”

“Do you know whether he dislikes it or likes it, hyung?”

“It’s obvious that—!”

“It doesn’t seem like you’re in such a grand relationship to be policing him like a boyfriend.”

“Seorim, come over here.”

As if children were fighting over a toy, Hyun-joon pulled Seorim toward him. Since both men had considerable physiques, Seorim swayed like a powerless reed.

As his thin body moved closer to Hyun-joon, the smile disappeared from Yeonho’s face. He stared intently at Seorim’s side profile without blinking an eye.

He had only intended to test Ryu Hyun-joon’s feelings, but he was frustrated as to why things had turned out this way. In the midst of this, Hyun-joon stood in front of him, blocking the view, with a posture as if to protect him from the villain named Ryu Yeonho.

“I don’t know what on earth you’re trying to do, but Seorim is a pitiful person.”

So he does see me as a pitiful person. He was able to get a fragmented glimpse of his feelings.

“Do you know Baek Seorim well, hyung?”

“I know him better than you do. Are you interested in Seorim? He’s your father’s partner.”

He himself was also fond of his uncle’s partner, but he did not bother to say it out loud. Perhaps Ryu Yeonho had the same thought, as a sneer formed on his lips.

“Right, it seems you’ve harbored quite a deep affection.”

A snake’s glare. Ryu Yeonho’s gaze changed to resemble that of a snake. The voice he spat out became thin ice, forming in the air.

“Hold on to him tight. You’re always having things taken away from you.”

“……”

“Your company, your honor, and your people.”

The ice must have been as sharp as an awl and pierced Ryu Hyun-joon’s Achilles’ heel. He knew without having to see it with his own eyes.

Whatever he added here, there was no telling how Ryu Yeonho would open his mouth and shape the situation. There was nothing he could do. While Seorim was only looking at the ground, Yeonho added one last word.

“Go on and finish what you were doing.”

A cigarette was pulled out into Ryu Yeonho’s hand. He put the filter end to his mouth, then flicked a lighter to light it. In the darkness, his handsome face flashed with light and then went out.

Although the surroundings were dark, it was as clear as day how distorted Ryu Hyun-joon’s expression must be as he looked at him.

For a long time in the silence, only the sound of Yeonho smoking his cigarette filled the void. When the cigarette had burned halfway, Hyun-joon suddenly grabbed Seorim’s wrist. It was a surprisingly strong grip.

“Let’s go, Seorim.”

“Ah……”

In that moment, Seorim could not understand himself, why he had tried to lift his head to check Ryu Yeonho’s expression. As his gaze met those cold, chilled eyes, his heart felt like it was sinking for some reason.

Before their eyes could entangle further, Hyun-joon pulled his arm. Seorim was dragged across the lakeside. The dewy grass brushed against the bare skin sporadically exposed below his pant cuffs.

“Really, that fucking, case-less b**t**d, on every single thing.”

The sight of Ryu Hyun-joon spewing such primal curses was gradually becoming familiar. And it was mostly directed at Ryu Yeonho. It was impossible to know whether what this man felt was pity for him, simple sexual desire, a competitive spirit towards Ryu Yeonho, or a complex emotion combining all of them.

However, the nerves that should have been gauging Ryu Hyun-joon’s thoughts kept trying to turn toward Ryu Yeonho. Seorim had to repeatedly rein in his wandering gaze.

Only when his captured arm began to ache did Ryu Hyun-joon come to an abrupt stop.

“Seorim, I will definitely get you out.”

“What?”

“To think you caught the eye of a devil like that. How pitiful.”

His words were fast and his breathing was ragged. Seorim quietly looked up at the visibly agitated Hyun-joon.

“You might not know, Seorim, but that guy, he squeezes the subcontractors dry like he’s catching rats. And he replaces the elders who supported the company for a long time according to his own whims.”

Was that a tremendous evil deed?

“His office politics are also shady and petty, so at some point, half of the top brass became Ryu Yeonho’s line. It just hasn’t been discovered yet, who knows what other dirty things he’s been doing behind the scenes.”

He seemed to see nothing, busy as he was badmouthing Ryu Yeonho. In truth, what Ryu Yeonho did at the company was none of Seorim’s business. What good would it do to know?

“His reputation is so dirty there are rumors he’s been through a truckload of omegas. Look at the way his eyes glare. They say there’s no smoke without fire for a reason.”

“Yes……”

“You don’t need to get involved with a guy like that. No, you must not get involved. Seorim, you’re a person who deserves to be happy, right?”

This person, he is definitely not normal.

“Seorim, you are pure, innocent, just a victim. You shouldn’t be tainted by being touched by such filth.”

He understood perfectly what kind of image he had of him and why he was trying to help. It seemed he thought a male p**stitute was an angel fallen from the sky. Seorim silently sent a look of engrossment to Ryu Hyun-joon’s story, then gently raised the corners of his mouth to smile.

“I want that too. It’s so scary here, and I have no one to rely on, so I feel like I’m going to lose myself.”

“You really have suffered a lot.”

“Hyun-joon, you are different. You are the only one who treats me like a person. As if you came to save me.”

At this rate, I’m going to go crazy with him. It seemed that this was enough to confirm his feelings. The other man also seemed to have forgotten about the cell phone, the purpose of their meeting.

“Thank you so much, Hyun-joon.”

The matter of how to use the cell phone did not matter. In the first place, he was not an idiot, and it was not like he did not know how. Seorim deliberately curved his eyes into crescents as he smiled, then pretended to be shy.

“I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I always believe in you.”

He stood on his tiptoes and lightly kissed Ryu Hyun-joon’s cheek. The way his skin trembled like a pubescent child was pathetic.

“Seorim, this about you, it’s really cute.”

He had hoped for no deeper contact, but Ryu Hyun-joon pushed his face closer as if he had gotten excited from the short skinship. Seorim inserted his finger between his lips just before he could kiss him.

“This is for later. I’m shy today.”

“You even gave me a peck. What is there to be shy about between us?”

“Still. My heart is beating so fast it’s hard.”

“Can’t you let me touch it? To see how fast it’s beating.”

He’s being ridiculous. Ryu Hyun-joon somehow seemed clumsy in everything. Dating, and probably s** too. He did not want to make such a comparison, but it seemed he would have a hard time beating Ryu Yeonho even if he burned his whole life away. At anything.

He had not stopped the skinship simply because Ryu Hyun-joon was less charming. People cherish what they do not have and yearn for it desperately. It was better to save all the cards he held.

Of course, it would be a lie to say there was no physiological repulsion.

“It’s cold today, and I think I have a bit of a cold, so I’ll head back first. I want to see you again.”

“You have a cold? Should I bring you some medicine?”

“It’s okay. It will get better if I rest a bit.”

He is being a nuisance. Seorim cast his eyes down so as not to let him see his own, which were gradually sinking and losing their light.

It was cold. Since there was no such thing as a thick coat in his closet, he had to endure the cold whenever he went outside. If possible, he wanted to escape as soon as possible. Because this mansion, whether inside the blankets or in front of the fireplace, was so very cold no matter where he was.

🦅

“Anyway, g**d**mit, my head hurts so much I can’t live. These days.”

Chairman Ryu, who had engaged in a particularly rough act of lovemaking today, spat out a curse. Seorim lay with his head on the man’s arm and looked up at his wrinkled side profile. The back of his neck, which had just been bitten, throbbed.

“Why, is that?”

After mixing bodies with the senile old man, there was not a single part of him left unscathed. His voice came out cracked and ugly on its own. Startled by the sound he made, Seorim cleared his throat.

“A baby like you doesn’t need to know. You wouldn’t understand even if I told you.”

“Still, you feel a little better if you talk about it, don’t you?”

“I gave birth to one bad son of a b**ch and that b**t**d is raising h**l, I tell you, I’ve raised a black-hearted snake. My fate is turning for the worse, for crying out loud.”

There was no way that “son of a b**ch” referred to the mild-mannered elementary schooler Ryu Yeonwoo, and lately, he seemed to be hearing a lot of bad things about Ryu Yeonho. What on earth was he doing?

Did he do something?

As he thought about Ryu Yeonho, he was suddenly reminded of his previous rut cycle.

‘I was affectionate to him too, so why can’t he be like that to me.’

Why on earth did he say something like that?

He was a person he would never see again once he left this house anyway. There was no need to waste energy thinking about him.

Next to him, Chairman Ryu, who had been muttering a few more curses to himself, was soon snoring. Seorim quietly observed the old man snoring above his head.

His nose, his eyes, not a single part of his face resembled Ryu Yeonho. Chairman Ryu’s first wife and Ryu Yeonho’s mother must have been a great beauty. Judging by how Chairman Ryu showed none of the bewitching handsomeness that Ryu Yeonho possessed.

He had decided not to think about it, and yet he was thinking about Ryu Yeonho again.

There was no particular reason. Probably because he is a peculiar person. Because he is a guy who leaves an impression no matter what he does.

Gasp, snore, k-huff……

In any case, Chairman Ryu did not seem to have noticed anything yet. He held a trust for his concubine, an inferior being, that stemmed from contempt. As if his eyes and tone were saying, you can’t do anything anyway, so you have no choice but to follow me blindly.

It was a relief, in a way, to be considered a foolish and insignificant person.

Seorim closed his eyes, trying not to listen to Chairman Ryu’s loud sleep-talking. Due to the accumulated fatigue, sleep came quickly.

Mocking his decision not to think, that night, he had a dream featuring Ryu Yeonho.

It was a repeat of the night he had spent with him before. The breathy sobs, feverish with heat, beneath that broad chest, the warmth of their shared body heat, the harsh words that pierced his ears.

That night seemed to have been etched into his memory quite dreadfully.

“Hah……”

Waking from his sleep, Seorim let out a sigh in his distress. He was not some pubescent kid having a w** dream, and yet he had a dream about having s**. Even though he was already having plenty of it, albeit not of his own will.

Chairman Ryu was already gone. After sitting there blankly, unable to do anything, he got out of bed to wash his face to shake off the sleepiness.

Frost had formed on the window. The increasingly cold weather had abruptly entered early winter. In that case, the sooner he put his plan into action, the better.

Now. It felt like if not now, he would never be able to do it. A sudden intuition came over him.

Having made his decision, Seorim put on two layers of shirts. On top of that, he wore a thick cardigan and also picked out a pair of long socks. Dressed like this, he probably would not freeze to death.

After getting ready, he quickly grabbed his cell phone and left the room.

His steps led him to a place where he could be completely alone. Bothered by the fact that he had not noticed Ryu Yeonho following him before, this time he looked back every three steps. Fortunately, there were no suspicious figures in sight.

After confirming that he had come to the greenhouse alone, Seorim entered and hurriedly closed the door. In the greenhouse that no one visited, a desolate silence and, ironically, the peace that came from it had settled.

As he was about to put his plan into action, his heart pounded. Seorim sank down in front of a flowerpot and slowly caught his breath. Would it be okay? Would he be able to speak well?

He had to do it. If he could not, he would die. Even if he did not die, only days where he would rather be dead awaited him.

Inside and near the greenhouse, there was only him. He checked again and again. With trembling hands, Seorim took out his cell phone.

He taps the black screen to turn it on, opens the keypad, and enters the number he had heard and memorized before. His heart rate went up. Due to the tension, a high-pitched beeeep rang in his ears.

When he pressed the call button, a monotonous mechanical tone flowed through his eardrums. The few seconds that this signal traveled felt like hours. He felt like he was going to throw up. Seorim suppressed the rising bile by swallowing hard.

And then, finally.

— Hello.

The voice he heard again was no different from a few days ago. No, it was no different from over a decade ago.

“……It’s me.”

— Yes?

“It’s me, Seorim, Dad.”

He let it out. The contradictory moment he had wanted to have for so long, and at the same time, was so afraid to face, had arrived.

What do you think of me, Dad? How often have you thought of me? You haven’t forgotten everything and moved on, have you? Do you even feel sorry? Are you living well after leaving like that?

Please, save me now.

“Seorim, do you remember? Baek Seorim.”

His father was quiet for a long time. The silence made Seorim anxious. Cruel and cold imaginations crept into his mind like a rising tide.

What if his father pretends not to know me or coldly pushes me away? Then, I…

— ……What a thing to ask.

If I did not mishear, the meaning of those words is…

— How could I live having forgotten my only son.

“……”

— Seorim, is it really you, my Seorim? Huh?

You lived just fine having forgotten me all this time. You even changed your name and didn’t give a d**n about me and Mom. After you left like that, the rest of the family suffered so much. And I am still, to this day, rolling around in the bottom of a mud pile, unable to die.

A resentful feeling swelled up as if it would burst, but he could not spit it out. Because something hot was rising up his throat. The heat passed his vocal cords and nasal passages, finally welling up in his round eyes.

“Da, Dad.”

— Seorim, I’m sorry. What I saw at the golf course before, that was you, right? It was you, wasn’t it?

The father’s voice, as he spoke, was also damp with moisture. Could he be crying?

No, I shouldn’t believe him so readily. His father was a man who ran away, leaving his debts behind. He did not look for him even after he became stable. Seorim clenched his fists, trying to rein in his alarmingly wavering heart.

— I was sure it was you, but I didn’t know if it was a dream or reality, and when I tried to look into it later, your name wasn’t on the member list. I couldn’t ask anywhere. I was just burning up with anxiety, and, what, what is this…

“……”

— So I thought I had a daydream. I thought I was seeing things because you were so heavy on my mind.

There were so many things he wanted to say, but his mouth would not open. He had dressed warmly, and this was a greenhouse with not a breath of wind, yet his lower lip trembled uncontrollably.

— Seorim, you’re doing well, right? Well enough to frequent such an expensive golf course? Huh?

“I’m not……”

— Say something. Your voice has gotten much lower than when you were young. Your face was the same though, so pretty.

It was the same compliment his mother used to give. He wanted to say that his father’s voice and face, everything was the same as he remembered.

“I’m not, doing well.”

— What do you mean by that? Not doing well?

“Dad, are you doing well? Why……”

His tongue moves on its own. His lips also move on their own, tracing the words.

“Why are you doing well? When I’m, living like this……?”

— Seorim, ah.

“My life has disappeared. After you vanished like that, how I lived……”

Something hot surged up. Seorim thought he was vomiting. That bile was coming up, making the back of his neck tighten and the tip of his nose sting.

“Why are you doing well, Dad? You shouldn’t be. To pay off your debt, I’m living a life I’m ashamed to even speak of. There were so many things I wanted to do……. Everything disappeared.”

— ……Seorim.

“My life, what, what am I supposed to do? I want to live well too. I, I don’t even know what it means to live well anymore.”

A salty taste swirled at the tip of his tongue, and he belatedly realized he was crying. As if his father were right in front of him, Seorim stared at a point in the air. The tears that had been precariously clinging to his eyelashes tumbled down when he blinked.

“I just want to run away. I want to, rest. I want to live like a person……”

He was not sad. It had been a long time since he ended up in this situation, and he was not trying to cry pathetically now. His emotions were so calm, yet for some reason, the tears kept flowing.

It sounded as if he could hear sobbing from over the phone. Seorim stared blankly at the withered plant in the dead flowerpot.

Does my father have the right to cry?

If he’s crying like that, is he a bad person?

If my father is not a bad person, then who is the bad person here? If no one is bad, then why do I have to live like this?

— Seorim, I have truly committed a deadly sin. Even if I had ten mouths, or twenty, I have no words to say to you.

“……”

— I am truly sorry. It might sound like a lie, but I have been looking for you ever since I became stable. Although too much time has passed…….

Unbelievable. Then how could he not have heard any news during all that time?

On the other hand, ridiculously, reasons to justify his father’s actions came to mind. Since he had been in a closed-off omega pleasure district, it was natural that he could not be found. Also, his father left when he was young, and they moved after that, so he could not have asked around the neighborhood.

This person might have really been wringing his hands and burning with anxiety because he could not find his family.

— To have been contacted like this. Thank you so much for finding your father. I should have found you first.

His father expressed his gratitude several times in that desperate, breaking tone. While Seorim was unable to continue speaking, swallowing his sobs, he went on.

— How are you doing, Seorim? Where are you now? I’ll come to see you. Of course, only if you allow it, that…….

Listening closely, his voice seemed to have aged as well. A lot of time had passed. His father probably had not been completely happy with his legs stretched out all this time either.

— I’m so sorry. I’ve never lived a day without thinking of you. Can’t you show me your face just once? Shamelessly. I want to see you just once.

“Dad.”

— Where is your mother? Are you not living together?

At the mention of his dead mother, he felt his heart plummet to the pit of his stomach. His insides churned, and Seorim gripped his lower abdomen before slowly releasing it. A cracked voice flowed out from between his foolishly parted lips.

“Mom is dead.”

— What?

“While you were gone, she got into an accident while driving, trying to pay off the debt by hook or by crook.”

Describing what happened as a sentence brings his consciousness back to the past. He suddenly felt the illusion that this place was not a greenhouse in the middle of winter, but the floor of a funeral hall in midsummer.

The brown cushions of the funeral hall, the loan sharks standing in front of them, the man who already knew his name, the wrist that was grabbed by him. And the life that had plummeted.

“It was a long time ago. That’s why I hate you, Dad. I resent you a lot.”

— …….

“Until the very last moment, I thought you might come, so I sat and waited in the nearly empty funeral hall.”

Complex emotions of hatred and affection, injustice, pity, resentment, and longing for his father swirled together. The overwhelming wave of emotions actually made him feel nauseous. When he let the saliva pooled under his tongue flow down his throat, it tasted metallic.

This time, the silence was long. His father seemed to be thinking about his mother. He too must have lived with more than just the memories he shared with his mother buried in his heart.

Perhaps his father was having a very belated farewell with his mother.

— ……Seorim, I’m really, sorry. To the point where it’s a sin to even say I’m sorry anymore.

Did Mom want to see Dad until the very last moment?

— But thank you so much for being alive, for enduring.

Did I miss my father, thinking he was the only blood relative I had left?

— I resolved every day that if I ever found you, I would definitely, definitely bring you with me. That I would give you the love I failed to give as a father. That I would live the rest of my life atoning to you.

“Dad.”

— I’ve also saved up enough money for two people to live on. If I just know where you are, I’ll find a way for us to live…….

In Seorim’s jet-black eyes, the paths he had walked until now slowly brushed past, leaving trails of water.

Now of all times. After abandoning me so cruelly. After not even visiting once. Now of all times.

— Let’s live together from now on, doing what you want to do, okay?

He had lived hating his father. He resented, hated, and suffered to his heart’s content, eventually burning up all his emotions and becoming gray ash with nothing left. At this point, he no longer had the strength to blame his father, nor the strength to love him again, having finally found him. Nothing was left.

However, Seorim wanted to live.

He so desperately wanted to have his own life.

“Dad, I’m near Seoul.”

— In Seoul?

“Not Seoul, but the outskirts. Gyeonggi Province.”

He was tired of hardship now. He wanted to stop having forced relations with others, being beaten painfully, and being choked, as soon as possible if he could.

“I was sold as a concubine to a chaebol grandfather. As a plaything.”

— A concubine, a plaything?

“I want to get out. Please save me. Please help me, Dad.”

A hunger arose. It was a different kind of sensation from the desire to fill an empty stomach. The feeling of emptiness was spreading not from his organs but from a place deeper than that. It was closer to a desperate thirst than hunger. His withering heart was craving freedom.

“You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to take responsibility for my life, just please save me.”

— …….

“I won’t ever resent you again for making my life like this. I’ll forget everything, so.”

So, please.

“Please save me. Dad……”

🦅

After his tears stopped, he talked with his father for quite a long time.

His father said that after running away and buying a new identity, he wandered from place to place before settling at that golf club. He said he had been working there for about two years. Even from a brief account, it seemed his life had not been easy, but his father did not add any further explanation to express that sorrow.

Reaching his father after over a decade brought about many ups and downs in his emotions. However, there was no time to sit and soak in the sentiment. He had to figure out a way to get out of this place.

Chairman Ryu had a lot of money, and his connections were probably as wide as his long years of life. Judging by his perverted tendencies, it did not seem like he would just let an omega who abandoned him and ran away go.

He had to disappear for certain. To a place where Chairman Ryu’s hand could not reach.

His father, after hearing the story, pondered for a moment, then gave an answer in a resolute voice.

— Then let’s go to another country.

His father, who had even gone so far as to create a new identity, seemed to know such methods of the social underworld quite well. Hearing the answer, a question suddenly arose, and he asked why his father had not sought asylum earlier.

— Because I was planning to find you and your mom someday.

It did not matter whether those words were sincere or not. He thought that going to another country was a pretty good method. Running away across the sea, holding his breath and living for a few years until he was forgotten by Chairman Ryu was the most viable option.

It was fine even if he could not return to Korea again. As long as he could escape this life.

“I want to go.”

When Seorim gave an affirmative answer, his father said he would arrange a way to flee abroad. The conversation thus concluded with them agreeing to contact each other later.

When the call ended, a quiet silence once again descended upon the greenhouse. Seorim, sitting alone in the silence, lay down on the edge of the long flowerbed.

His mind was a mess. Spilled water cannot be put back, spoken words cannot be taken back, and a move once made cannot be undone.

He had done it. He had talked to his father, found out about him, and even made a plan to escape this pit. It was already the case from the moment he received the cell phone, but now it was truly irreversible. The worry that Ryu Hyun-joon might hear this conversation had long been forgotten. Was raising his fist to break the shell a good choice?

Seorim, who had been lying with his hands on his face for a while, slowly got up.

There was no other way. All that was left was to get help from his father without getting caught and leave the mansion. It was a time when he should be happy to be one step closer to freedom, so why was he feeling so distraught?

He did not want to move, but he could not live here, so Seorim brushed the leaves from the back of his head and left the greenhouse.

He was walking toward the mansion. Not far away, a familiar voice was heard, and Seorim stopped in his tracks. The frail voice was clearly calling him.

“Hyung-ah, hyung-ah!”

Soon, a child with a round head came running closer, pitter-patter. When he turned around, he saw Yeonwoo, his cheeks flushed red, panting.

“It’s cold outside, why are you out here?”

“Uhm, they said it would snow outside. Today.”

“Now?”

“So I came out and you were here, hyung-ah.”

Had the season for snow already arrived? Seorim looked up blankly at the ink-colored sky. It was just slightly smudged with a dark color; there was no sign of snow falling.

“It’s not snowing.”

“That’s why it’s strange. They definitely said it would.”

“Why are you waiting out here in the cold? You should stay inside.”

He looked foolish with his cheeks all red. What if he caught a cold like this?

Seorim looked at Yeonwoo with an indifferent gaze, then firmly closed his open collar. As he was buttoning it up, a useless and arrogant thought, who will take care of him when I’m gone, flashed through his mind.

“When you come outside, dress more warmly.”

“Hyung-ah, you don’t look very, warm either.”

“……You’re right.”

When Seorim straightened his bent back, Yeonwoo beamed a smile. He never changes, making people feel troubled with that innocent smile of his.

“Listen well to your parents, no, those adults, don’t be a picky eater, and smile a lot.”

He ended up babbling things he did not need to say. Seeing Seorim frowning at the awkwardness of his own words, Yeonwoo’s eyes widened. His utterly pure eyes swept over the pale cheeks.

“Hyung-ah, are you sad?”

“What?”

“Did you cry?”

He was sure he had wiped them well, how did this kid know? Seorim unknowingly touched the corner of his eye with his finger. Yeonwoo furrowed his brow with feigned seriousness and stroked the middle of Seorim’s cheek.

“You cried. Hyung-ah, you cried, didn’t you?”

“No.”

“Don’t cry. Hyung-ah……. Hyung-ah, who did it?”

A small laugh escaped him seeing the child use words a parent would use to soothe a child. Funnily enough, a corner of his heart felt strangely warm. Seorim asked, laughing in disbelief, hek hek.

“Where did you learn to say that?”

“Who did it, Yeonwoo will scold them for you.”

Seorim stroked the child with a smile on his lips.

“Thank you, our Yeonwoo is so kind.”

“Kind?”

“You have to be kind like that to the people Yeonwoo loves. Understand?”

To those words, an unexpected mumble was heard.

“Then our father must not have anyone he loves. Since he speaks badly every day.”

“Huh?”

It was the first time Yeonwoo had used such a cold voice. The side of his face, glimpsed for a moment, was also frozen cold, creating a sense of dissonance with his previous clear expression.

“Hyung-ah, want to see Mallangie?”

Yeonwoo quickly changed his expression and brought up another topic. He seemed to be talking about the cactus he had brought a while ago. It was a name made up on the spot, but he was calling it faithfully. When talking about the cactus, he wore an innocent expression that suited his age again. Seorim shook off his bewilderment and answered.

“You want to show me?”

“Yes, Mallangie is really cute. I feel good when I see him.”

“You want me to feel good?”

Yeonwoo smiled brightly and nodded his head. It was neither the age nor the environment for paternal love to grow, but looking at the child, he felt a fond affection.

“Let’s go see him, then. How much Mallangie has grown.”

“Yes!”

A thought occurred to him. That right now, it was not him taking care of this child, but perhaps this child was comforting him.

🦅

A few days after that, a call came from his father.

He said he had secured passage on a ship to the Philippines. The ship was a cargo vessel, and the method was to enter the country illegally after docking at a shipyard, disguised as a crew member. The inspections were more lenient than at the port, and since there was a broker who had been paid in advance, he could leave Korea if he could just get to Pyeongtaek Port.

The problem was the way from the mansion to Pyeongtaek Port. To begin with, could he even get out of this mansion?

His father kept saying he would come to pick him up by car at the mansion, but he was saying that because he knew nothing. As befitting the main house of a chaebol family, this mansion was quite isolated.

Not only did one have to drive through a long forest path to reach the mansion, but not all vehicles were allowed passage. Only vehicles belonging to a family member or those with prior approval could pass through the main gate.