DOGC Ch 5

Did the protagonist of the book escape from reality by forgetting himself, or did he face reality and overcome the pain? Since he had not finished <Demian>, the answer was a mystery.

However, at least Seorim could not forget himself. For the agonizing reality came early, along with the morning sunlight, from the moment he opened his eyes.

As if he had taken a liking to calling him to the breakfast table, Chairman Ryu brought Seorim along again today. Having to join that uncomfortable table again was nothing short of unsettling.

When he forced himself to enter the dining room with Chairman Ryu, Seorim unknowingly furrowed his brow slightly.

The number of people sitting at the table was the same as before, but one of the members had changed. Sitting right next to the head of the table was not Ryu Yeonho, but Ryu Hyunjun. The original owner of the seat was nowhere to be seen.

When their eyes met, Ryu Hyunjun smiled brightly as if he were glad to see him. Seorim was about to give a perfunctory nod but hardened his expression. It was because Chairman Ryu’s outstretched hand was groping his bottom.

“Ugh……”

From the morning, and even in a place where his young son and a relative were present, he could not hide his lewdness. Seorim bit his lip to hide his hardened expression.

Ryu Hyunjun was watching the entire scene of Chairman Ryu kneading his bottom and tickling his waist. He had found out what ‘odd jobs’ meant rather quickly. Seeing his wide eyes, he seemed quite surprised.

“……Husband.”

“I’m getting an appetite since the morning.”

As he uttered the word ‘Husband’, Ryu Hyunjun’s eyes grew a little wider. He felt his stomach churning with discomfort. He should be getting used to it, but the moment he revealed this position, his chest always felt tight.

The gaunt hand fell from his waist. Chairman Ryu sat down at the head of the table, which had been prepared in the center, with a satisfied smile. Soon, steaming hot dishes were placed on the table, and the meal began.

He could not tell if what was entering his mouth was grains of rice or grains of sand. He thought he had grown a thick skin while living this life, but the overwhelming sense of revulsion remained.

A chairman who seats a male prostitute at the breakfast table. This family was definitely broken. None of them were in their right minds.

“The food is certainly good. It’s delicious.”

“You must not have had proper Korean food abroad, eat a lot.”

“I’m being treated lavishly thanks to my uncle.”

More amicable words were exchanged than when he talked with Ryu Yeonho. A father who is closer to his nephew than his son; he did not know the exact story, but it was far from a normal scene.

Seorim chewed on the head of a bean sprout from a side dish and glanced at Yeonwoo sitting next to him. For a young child, he had an expressionless face that was utterly dull. It was pitiful, considering how brightly he smiled when he was with his brother.

When he picked up a piece of meat from the braised short ribs and placed it on his rice, Yeonwoo lifted his head. Seorim deliberately avoided eye contact and swallowed the plain rice.

The rice would not go down, as if a thorn was caught in his throat. In fact, it felt like everything he had eaten so far would come back up. The people sitting in front of him were praising how delicious the side dishes were, but he had no idea. The seat was just uncomfortable.

Seorim watched Chairman Ryu and Ryu Hyunjun, who were carrying on a quiet conversation, and then yawned audibly.

“Husband, uhm.”

“You can’t seem to eat at all.”

“I keep getting sleepy. I think I’ve become a heavy sleeper in the morning because I worked so hard at night.”

It was a disgusting flattery, not something to be said in the morning, nor in front of a child. Seorim sublimated his sense of self-loathing into the prettiest smile he could muster and said.

“Thanks to Husband.”

“Is that so?”

“So I wanted to rest a bit……. May I go up first?”

Chairman Ryu liked it when his virility was praised, so he would probably allow it. As expected, he twisted his lips into a smile and replied.

“I’ll have the food sent up separately, so go and rest. You’ve worked hard.”

“Yeees.”

He stood up with a smiling face, but he tried hard not to let his eyes meet anyone’s.

Seorim left the dining room that way and exited the first-floor hallway. The air felt much lighter now that he was away from that crazy family. He had no intention of returning to his room, so his footsteps led him outside the mansion.

The season had already become much closer to autumn than summer, and the trees were preparing to shed their green. The wind that touched his cheek was not damp, which felt refreshing.

The lake within the grounds was his favorite place. It was quiet, with no people, and the fishy smell of water mixed with the scent of grass was a nice change of pace.

Seorim lay down roughly on a hill near the lake, using his arm as a pillow. When he closed his eyes, all sorts of idle thoughts invaded his mind.

How long do I have to live like this?

Until Chairman Ryu dies? Or until that old man gets tired of me and takes another concubine? How old will I be by then? Will my body be okay, or will my mind break first? When will I be able to pay off my debt?

It feels like I’m not in my right mind even now. Of course, my body is more comfortable than when I was going from one omega brothel to another, but the fact that I’m trapped in this mansion without a definite end is overwhelmingly desperate.

I shouldn’t think. Whether it’s the future or the present, the more I think deeply, the more I kill myself. I already know that, don’t I? I have to live like a stone with no thoughts to endure each day.

As he was swimming through the stream of thoughts that followed one after another, his face suddenly tingled. It was the moment Seorim’s closed eyes blinked open.

“Fuck, no, what the.”

He was so surprised that he almost let a curse slip out but barely held it in. The face was too close. The child’s pitch-black eyes blinked right in front of his.

“What are you doing?”

Seorim asked Yeonwoo, who was lying on his stomach next to him and staring at him intently, in an irritable tone. When he sat up, the child sat right next to him, hugging his knees.

“I’m watching hyung-ah.”

“Why are you here? Did you finish your food?”

“Yeah. I was bored and wanted to play with hyung-ah.”

“Am I your friend?”

Despite his blunt way of speaking, Yeonwoo paid no mind and said what he wanted to say.

“Hyung-ah, why do you call Father ‘Husband’?”

“Huh?”

“That’s what you call a husband.”

An unexpected, piercing question came, and for a moment, he was at a loss for words. At the same time, a sense of guilt began to creep up. How the scene of a father playing with his male concubine must have looked in the child’s eyes, he somehow felt like a third-rate villain from a morning drama.

Seorim moved his lips without a sound and then looked at Yeonwoo. The child’s eyes were as clear as could be, without a single speck. Seeing no malice in the transparent orbs, his feeling of apology only grew heavier.

“That’s because we have a good, relationship.”

“You have a good relationship with Father?”

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t it hurt hyung-ah?”

“It doesn’t hurt me.”

Yeonwoo’s lips formed a beautiful curve. The child smiled as if in relief and touched the grass on the ground with his finger.

“That’s a relief. It hurt Mom. I hope it doesn’t hurt hyung-ah.”

“She was in pain?”

“Yeah, her eyes were red every day, and she cried, and she screamed, and she had a fever. Hyung said Mom was sick.”

He remembered Ryu Yeonho mentioning in passing that Yeonwoo’s mother had a mental illness. Seorim, looking down at the dirt under the child’s fingernails, asked.

“Where did your hyung go? I didn’t see him.”

“He said he was going to work this morning. Hyung is always busy……”

“Ah, I see.”

It seems that when he said he was envious because he was idle, it was not to provoke him but was sincere. Seorim, seeing Yeonwoo looking somewhat dejected, opened his mouth again.

“You don’t play with strange things these days?”

“Strange things?”

“Like rats.”

“Uh-uh, hyung-ah said it’s dirty.”

It was somewhat of a relief that the child’s mind was not severely broken. As he was silently scratching his stomach, Yeonwoo suddenly held something out. Following that, a fluttering green creature came into view.

“Where did you pick that up from now.”

It was a praying mantis. It would hurt if it bit or scratched him, but the young one was fearless. Seorim took the mantis held between Yeonwoo’s fingers and placed it on the ground. As its feet touched the ground, the creature rustled and quickly disappeared from sight.

“Don’t play with things like that. It’s pitiful.”

“Why?”

“Would you like it if someone grabbed your arm and lifted you up and down and pulled your leg whenever they wanted?”

As he continued speaking, he grabbed Yeonwoo’s arm, lifted it up, and then let it go, causing him to burst out laughing. It was an action meant to scold him, but the sight of him enjoying it instead was dumbfounding.

“I like it. Playing.”

The child seemed lonely and in need of attention. Feeling a pang of pity, Seorim quietly looked at Yeonwoo. To feel sorry for a chaebol kid who is overflowing with money, it seems his fate has not been twisted enough yet.

“I also played alone a lot when I was young, but I didn’t play with praying mantises.”

“Then?”

“I read books by myself or……. Look here. See that plant with three leaves. Its name is clover.”

“Yeah.”

“But sometimes, among those, there are ones with four leaves. That’s a treasure, a lucky four-leaf clover. I used to play by looking for things like that.”

As it happened, there was a patch of clover nearby. He did not know if there was a four-leafed one among them, but Seorim beckoned Yeonwoo to sit in front of the patch. Seeing the child’s eyes sparkle, he seemed to have taken an interest.

He had nothing better to do, so he was thinking of looking for one with him for a little while when he glanced sideways. Suddenly, he felt a presence from a distance. And then the sound of footsteps gradually approaching followed.

This was a place he liked because there were few people, but today there were many intruders. Seorim, not hiding his displeasure, turned his head towards the source of the sound.

“What are you doing here?”

It was Ryu Hyunjun. Did this man not go to work? The memory of him looking at him with surprised eyes at breakfast came to mind, and his stomach churned. Seorim contorted his lips instead of answering.

Yeonwoo, who had been bent over looking for clovers, suddenly shot up. Without a chance to say anything, the child ran off like an arrow. It seemed he was not the only one who found Ryu Hyunjun uncomfortable.

“Ah, he’s gone.”

“……”

“Yeonwoo is a bit wary of me. I guess it’s because we haven’t seen each other much.”

He thought it was more likely that he had instinctively recognized the person on his brother’s opposite side. As Seorim stared at the ground without any reaction, Hyunjun continued to speak alone.

“You seem to be close with Yeonwoo. Weren’t you doing something together?”

“We weren’t doing anything special. Just looking for clovers.”

“Clovers?”

“We were looking for one with four leaves.”

Just like when he had encountered Seorim at the breakfast table in the morning, Ryu Hyunjun’s eyes grew round. Soon, he let out a short laugh and said.

“That’s unexpected. Every time I see you.”

It was a cheerful laugh, as if he had found a very interesting creature. Seorim slowly raised his eyes and gave Ryu Hyunjun a look. Judging by his pheromones, this person was also a dominant alpha; looking at his eyes, he did not feel any malice. Although it was suspicious that he kept talking to him.

What is his intention.

He would not know until he revealed it himself. As he remained silent, Ryu Hyunjun continued to speak.

“I was surprised in the morning. You seem to be very close with the Chairman.”

As expected, he could not just let this topic slide. It was astonishing that he could talk so nonchalantly even though he must have figured out what kind of relationship they had. Or was he treating him casually because he did not even see a male prostitute as a person?

“Yes.”

“Is what I’m guessing correct?”

“Probably.”

“Since when?”

He pries without even knowing it is rude. Well, maybe there is no such thing as being rude to a male prostitute.

“It hasn’t been long. Since I came here.”

“For that, he seems to cherish you quite a lot.”

“Thankfully so.”

He had an unwelcome premonition that the conversation would get longer. Unable to be a gentleman, Ryu Hyunjun immediately moved his lips to continue speaking.

He thought it might just be a rude question out of simple interest, but what he actually heard was of a completely different kind.

“Isn’t it hard?”

For a moment, he was at a loss for words. He had been treated like a tool all this time, so it had been a really long time since he had heard someone ask about his feelings or well-being. Even though he knew it was a thoughtless remark, a sense of bewilderment washed over him.

Ryu Hyunjun tilted his head slightly, as if to examine Seorim’s hardened expression.

“It’s not like you’re doing this work because you want to. You look like you have some kind of story.”

Seorim, who had been glaring at the weeds growing on the ground, rolled his eyes and looked into Hyunjun’s. The eyes that met his did not waver. It was not the face of someone who was lying or flattering.

Is this person genuinely interested in me out of pity?

Seorim, without avoiding the meeting gaze, asked in a calm voice.

“Why are you asking? It’s not like you’re going to get me out of here.”

“……”

“Can’t you just pass by? Leave me alone. Whether I ruin my life living like this, or just disappear.”

As he threw out the sentences, surprise and pity flashed across Ryu Hyunjun’s face in succession. He wondered if it was okay for a person who works in society to reveal his emotions so plainly. Or was this also a mask, and if so, for what?

Observing Ryu Hyunjun’s reaction, Seorim continued, half-sincere, half-exaggerated.

“What on earth are you going to do with my story? Are you going to publish a book? Or are you going to use it as a snack to go with your drinks? Then do I have to sell my story on top of my body?”

Is there a use for this person? Sometime later.

“I didn’t want to end up like this either.”

At the end, his sincerity was so thick that his words trailed off a bit. It must have sounded like he was about to cry, as a serious air came over Ryu Hyunjun’s expression. He let out a shallow sigh and said.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t ask to make you feel that way.”

The way he began to speak strongly showed that he had chosen his words carefully.

“To be honest……. you have a very noticeable appearance, and it was strange how the coincidences overlapped. You looked like you had a lot of stories on your face, so I wanted to help with what I could.”

I am just living with dead fish eyes, but he says I look like I have a lot of stories; as expected, you have to be good-looking.

“Will you tell me your name?”

“My name?”

“I can’t keep calling you ‘you’.”

Would it be helpful to build a sense of intimacy? At the very least, there would be nothing to lose. He had nothing to lose anyway.

“It’s Baek Seorim.”

“That’s a pretty name. It suits you.”

“Then please call me by it sometimes. No one calls me by my name, so I think I’m going to forget it.”

He had become a master of acting while living as a male prostitute. When he smiled helplessly to create a pathetic feeling, Ryu Hyunjun blinked his eyes slowly.

“Yes, Seorim.”

“I’m tired, so I’ll be going first. I’ll see you again next time.”

He was sick and tired of being pushed around here and there, suffering losses. It was a life far from purity and innocence anyway, so he had to use whatever he could to his advantage.

Their faces were not at all similar, but their tastes were all consistent in their bloodline. He could not tell if he should be glad or unfortunate that he was born to suit the tastes of the Ryu family.

Seorim swallowed a self-deprecating laugh and walked towards the room prepared for him, his cage.