NANOM Ch 11

It was no use, even after I cursed him with every swear word I knew. I let out a sigh and continued to berate myself, but in the end, I hung up the phone and sent a text to Jihyuk.

[I’m almost home now. I missed my ride, so I’m a little]

I was about to add the excuse that I was a little late because I missed my ride, but I deleted that sentence. I pressed the send button and nervously chewed on my lip.

Hurry. Hurry. My heart was pounding unusually fast. At this point, I was almost completely exhausted. Even if it wasn’t solely because of Jihyuk, I wanted to get home quickly and lie down.

—Next stop is XX, XX station. The doors opening are…

I went and stood in front of the doors that were about to open, tapping my foot impatiently and checking the time. It was currently 11:52 PM, and it would take about ten minutes to run home. If I ran from now on, I should be able to make it just in the nick of time.

Biting my lip hard, I quickly exited the subway station. I thought about calling Jihyuk again but decided against it. The sight of myself, drunk and running through the streets in the middle of the night, was so absurd it was almost laughable. People stared at me strangely as I ran like a madman, but I couldn’t stop my feet.

My head, which had been getting increasingly fuzzy from the alcohol, was starting to clear. Gasping for breath, I entered an alley. Torn advertisement flyers stuck to the sporadically broken streetlights and burst open food waste bags standing beneath them flashed by quickly. Past all of them, I finally reached my house at the end of the alleyway.

Screeeak… The front gate opened with an unpleasant sound. Panting heavily, huff huff, I turned on my phone screen.

00:01.

My heart sank with the number displayed on the white screen. It felt as if that number, which had just passed twelve, was rushing toward my eyes in time with my pounding heartbeat. Just then, as if it had been waiting, my phone began to vibrate.

Startled for a moment, I almost dropped the phone on the ground. I answered the call, my breathing still ragged. And before Jihyuk could say a word, I hastily spoke first.

“I’m, home… haah… haah… I got here. Just now, no, a little while ago.”

—……

Jihyuk was silent. His lack of any response made me even more anxious, and I began to spew whatever words came to mind.

“On my way here, I… missed my ride. I had to take the last train, so… that’s why…”

—Is that so?

I heard the sound of a faint chuckle.

—That’s why I told you not to drink so much.

The tone was just like someone scolding a child. Unlike before, his voice now held even a hint of a smile. Despite that, a shiver ran down my spine. As if he had been watching everything I was doing, that’s how Jihyuk spoke.

“You, you… how…”

—Why. Are you surprised? Afraid I might have been stalking you, teacher?

“……”

How do you know I was drinking, and do you also happen to know that I just got home? I should have demanded answers, but strangely, my lips only quivered and no words came out.

—Kim Jeonghyun.

Even though Jihyuk, my student, was calling me by my full name so casually.

—You’re in big trouble now.

I heard the sound of a low laugh. It was a distinctly mocking tone. Hearing Jihyuk’s laughter-laced voice, I recalled the impression I had of him when we first met. Like a child smiling while holding a knife.

I held my breath for a moment. I couldn’t tell if he was threatening to do something to me right this instant, or if he planned to torment me using other methods in the future. Either way, it was too much for me to handle.

In that moment, I vividly remembered Jiwon’s desperate voice, buried behind the silence. The one who said he would help me.

But unexpectedly, Jihyuk’s mood on the other end of the line didn’t seem that bad. His voice was calm and subdued, but what it faintly held was clearly amusement. Chewing on my lips until I could taste a salty bitterness on my dry lips, I impulsively asked.

“…But you… why did you tell me to go home early today?”

Suddenly, a fundamental question about this ridiculous situation arose. Jihyuk’s and my relationship was already far too twisted to be considered a normal teacher-student relationship, but Jihyuk had never tried to interfere to this extent before. Eating together a few times a week and a student meddling with what time I should go home were on completely different levels.

—You’re only asking that now?

Jihyuk asked back with a cheerful laugh.

—Just because. There’s no particular reason, you know?

Hearing Jihyuk’s relaxed and leisurely voice, my tightly clenched fist began to tremble uncontrollably.

—But teacher, you’re pretty funny. You didn’t even know the reason, and when your student told you to come, you just came running like a well-behaved little dog?
My gaze, which had been fixed and wide-eyed, slowly began to scan the room. Only then did my own situation come into view.

I was standing in a dark room with not even a light on. I hadn’t changed my clothes, and with only my shoes barely taken off, I was calling my student at this hour with a trembling hand. Just as he said, like a well-behaved little dog.

Now I thought I vaguely understood. What Jihyuk had wanted. He just wanted to see me tremble at his every word. To see me, his teacher, helplessly submitting to his words. That boy had been playing with me from the very beginning, and it was the same now. He controls others for his own amusement and enjoys seeing them fear and obey him.

I thought I understood his intentions, but at the same time, it was truly so difficult to understand the person named Jihyuk. Enduring his low-quality pranks had started to feel familiar, but today felt a little, no, a lot more sorrowful. I clenched my fists until my nails hurt, and then let my gaze drop back down to my feet.

It’s unfair. And I have a question. Why on earth am I the target of his pranks? Why, of all people, am I the one caught at the end of that cruelly innocent gaze? Why. Why. Why.

“…Do you, do you find this fun? You… you bastard.”

The buzz from the alcohol that was about to rise had already vanished. But I couldn’t suppress the boiling resentment. For the first time, I swore at my student.

If I had my way, I wanted to hurl more at him. Why are you doing this to me? Is it fun to play with people like that? It had been such a long time since I met up with someone, and I was having so much fun. Did you have to mercilessly trample on even that time for me? Who are you to me, why are you doing this to my…

With each breath I let out, there was a panting sound and a hint of wetness in it. I was resentful, ashamed, and I hated Jihyuk. More pathetic and disgusting than being thrown onto the bed and held down by force while being bitten was the sight of myself, preemptively scared by his words and running all the way home.

Hearing my ragged breathing, Jihyuk’s laughter grew louder.

—I haven’t done anything yet.

My cursing, rather than giving him any kind of warning, seemed to have only added to his amusement. Before I could even retort, Jihyuk slowly asked.

—Should I do something really bad for you?

His smiling voice was utterly delinquent. Giving up on any further conversation, I covered my eyes with the palm of my hand. A sudden wave of fatigue washed over me. Now, now I really wanted to lie down.

“I’m hanging up. We’ll decide the next lesson through text…”

—Teacher.

“…What.”

Even at my sullen reply, Jihyuk let out a small laugh.

—Don’t you remember? I said if you’re late, we’ll do it my way.

“……”

Beating me up if I don’t listen. Threatening me with my weaknesses. That was Jihyuk’s way as I remembered it.

—Since you were late, I’ll give you your punishment tomorrow. Sleep well.

With those last words, Jihyuk hung up the phone. All my energy, even to wash up, had completely evaporated, so without even turning on the lights, I fumbled my way to bed and collapsed onto it. I pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes. In my fading consciousness, I thought I could faintly hear a familiar engine sound.

📖

Using the previous day’s drinking as an excuse, I slept in a little later than usual. Having collapsed into sleep without washing yesterday, my body felt like a complete mess.

I staggered to my feet, showered and brushed my teeth, then shaved. After finishing the laundry and cleaning, I leaned against the musty, mold-covered wall and caught my breath.

I thought about maybe buying some wallpaper today and patching it up a bit. Every year when the rainy season comes, the mold keeps coming back. Every year when that happened, it was too difficult to do a full-scale re-papering, so I just patched over it, which made it look bumpy and not very good. But I figured it was better than just leaving the mold as it was.

Tomorrow is Saturday, and the day Jeonghee is supposed to come over. He said he had someone to introduce to me. I wish I knew who it was so I could at least prepare myself mentally. After a little hesitation, I called Jeonghee.

—The customer you have called is unavailable…

By now, that connection tone was more familiar than Jeonghee actually picking up the phone. My chest felt heavy, as if a stone had been placed on it. An unidentifiable anxiety made me unconsciously thump my chest with my fist. It was a habit I’d developed recently.

[Where are you? You’re still coming tomorrow, right?]

Just in case, I also sent a text, but there was no reply. How long would I have to wait powerlessly for Jeonghee’s call like this? Will he even come tomorrow? Who on earth is this person he’s bringing? Could it be someone related to the money he’s been borrowing? My animalistic intuition had been constantly pointing to ominous signs lately.

No matter how I thought about it, I suspected it was a man. His recently heavier makeup and style of dress, and also the nuance of him saying he would introduce someone.

If that’s correct, what should I do from then on? I was, at best, only twenty-two years old, and Jeonghee was even younger than me. But if Jeonghee were to bring a boyfriend, how on earth was I supposed to react? To just greet him naturally was difficult, given Jeonghee’s negative changes that were likely caused by that man.

“…Ah…!”

When I came to my senses, a hangnail on my finger had been torn off in a long strip. The wound, which seemed like nothing, stung quite a bit. Blood was smeared on the raw red flesh underneath. But I didn’t even think to wipe it off and just anxiously fiddled with my phone.

The drifting stream of my consciousness suddenly stopped in front of the faces of two people. Those kids who were used to keeping an eye on each other.
‘…No.’

I naturally thought of Jiwon first, who had unhesitatingly said he would help, but I immediately erased his name from my list of options. He was the kid who had confessed his feelings to me while crying. I couldn’t bring myself to ask him for a favor. For fear that my request might become a debt for feelings I could never return.

There was only one option left. That kid who took pleasure in teasing and playing with me. He often used the word ‘in exchange’ and demanded various things from me, so he would probably want something in return for any favor I ask. This time, it might be something a little hard to endure.

Thinking that far made me hesitate. The memory of what happened on the bed yesterday and how I was thoroughly played with over my curfew made my hesitation grow even larger. However, I wasn’t in a leisurely position where it would be nice if it got resolved, but fine if it didn’t. This could be a matter concerning my younger brother’s future.

Just then, my phone vibrated with a short buzz. Thinking it was Jeonghee, I scrambled to pick up the phone, but the caller was Jihyuk.

“…Uh. What’s up?”

—I came to give you your punishment.

Behind his voice, which held a faint smile, I could hear the sound of footsteps. …But, he ‘came’? My eyes widened and I sat up straight.

“Huh? What do you mean by that.”

—Open the door.

So shocked I felt like I was going to faint, I shot up from my spot. Was he saying he’s at my house right now?

I frantically slipped on my three-stripe slippers and crossed the yard in two or three steps. The rusty front gate opened with a loud noise, and at the same time, I saw a familiar figure standing in front of it. Jihyuk, in a comfortable casual outfit, grinned.

“Did you sleep well?”

He had sent cars to my house many times before, but this was the first time Jihyuk himself was standing in front of my house. I couldn’t hide my aghast expression.

“Wh… what are you doing here at this hour? Why without saying anything…”

“I told you. I came to give you your punishment.”

He says it with no emotion and walks right past me. His motion of entering the house was overly natural. I stared at him blankly, then frantically grabbed the arm of Jihyuk, who had already stepped into the yard.

“Wait, just a minute. The house is a little…”

“It’s hot. You’re not even going to give me a glass of water after I came all this way?”

I shut my mouth at his irritated complaint. In that time, Jihyuk had already strode over, opened the slightly ajar front door, and was stepping inside. The thought of him seeing the entirety of my shabby house made my face flush hot. I had cleaned a little earlier, but the worn-out, yellowed wallpaper and the mold in various places weren’t things that could be fixed with cleaning.

As expected, upon entering the house, Jihyuk was overtly looking around and frowning.

“Is this a place where people actually live?”

“…As you can see.”

At my sullen reply, Jihyuk’s lips quirked up slightly. The already tall kid standing in the low-ceilinged semi-basement room made the entire space feel full. Feeling anxious, I grabbed Jihyuk’s arm and pulled.

“Th-that, maybe… can’t we do it outside? As you can see, my house is a little… it’s a bit messy.”

“What do you think I’m going to do, that you suggest we do it outside?”

Jihyuk’s lips curved into a mischievous grin.

“Where do you want to go. Should we go to a hotel?”

“…Haah… Let’s just stay here.”

Usually, when Jihyuk starts acting like that, he’ll just get more persistent to tease me and won’t bend his will. Having given up on everything, I let out a sigh.

“So… what are you going to do? There’s nothing here, as you can see.”

Unlike Jihyuk’s comfortable room, which was filled with game consoles, books, a large TV, and all sorts of entertainment, there was really nothing here. It wasn’t like I had any particular hobbies either. I had even gotten rid of the small television I used to have because I didn’t watch it.

Frowning, Jihyuk made a phone call. Soon, the driver came to the front gate and knocked, and Jihyuk returned after receiving a laptop from the driver.

“…What’s this?”

“Just something I keep in the car. Because it gets boring on long drives.”

I automatically thought of the laptop I bought for lectures and assignments when I entered university, which I had used so preciously. Even that, I gave away because Jeonghee said he needed it. Thanks to that, whenever I had to do assignments, I would use the campus computer lab or go to a PC bang. But this kid has a separate laptop just for the car.

Jihyuk slowly sat down on the floor. It was a huge relief that I had cleaned in the morning. I don’t usually live in a mess, but still.

“…I don’t really have anything to drink… want some cold water?”

“I haven’t eaten.”

Jihyuk said it nonchalantly, with a crinkling smile in his eyes.

“Make me some ramen.”

Ramen… Come to think of it, Jihyuk had jokingly asked me to make it for him last time. He had said it with a suggestive smile in front of someone else, and now that it had become a reality, I couldn’t help but be flustered.

“Hurry up. I’m hungry.”

Jihyuk leisurely urged me on as I stood there, speechless and dumbfounded. Then, he comfortably leaned back against a back-support cushion that was on the floor. I looked down at Jihyuk, who was now focused only on his phone, for a moment, then let out a short sigh and went into the kitchen.

Come to think of it, I hadn’t eaten breakfast either. The moment I remembered that fact, I felt ravenously hungry. Fortunately, there were three packs of ramen, and two or three instant rice bowls. As I boiled the water, I debated how many packs to cook, but then I remembered Jihyuk’s size and quietly tore open all three packs of ramen and put them in.

It’s a bit much for me to say it myself, but I’m quite good at making ramen. It was because I was used to preparing meals for my brother and myself from a young age in place of my busy mom. I loosened the chewy noodles with chopsticks and just threw in the couple of eggs left in the fridge. He wasn’t the guest I was expecting, but since I was making a meal anyway, I didn’t want him to eat something that tasted bad.

I placed the hot pot on a small dining table, along with some kimchi I bought at a convenience store and the instant rice I had already microwaved. Then I carefully carried it to the main room where Jihyuk was lying down.

“…It’s ready. Eat.”

Even though we had tutored and eaten together so many times, I don’t know why it’s so awkward with this kid. Jihyuk’s natural aura wasn’t the type to make people feel comfortable. I wasn’t the type to chatter away to liven up the mood either, so there was usually just sporadic conversation between us, and never a time when it was loud.

Jihyuk, who had been lying down playing a game on his phone, sat up. He glanced into the steaming pot and smiled faintly.

“Thank you for the food.”

“…Uh. Eat up.”

After that, we ate ramen in silence. Until now, we had only eaten out or at Jihyuk’s mansion-like house, but this was the first time we ate pressed so close together in such a small space. The kid was already big, and every time he bowed his head, it felt like the top of his head would touch mine, so I had to time my eating carefully.

From what I had observed of him, Jihyuk was a picky eater. Well, considering the meals that came out of his house, it was understandable. It didn’t seem like there were any ingredients he avoided, but he wouldn’t eat food that was even slightly greasy, salty, or sloppily cooked.

And yet, he ate the food I bought for him quite well. It was the same this time. Seeing the kid, who looked like he wouldn’t even glance at something like ramen, clean out his bowl, I offered him some rice too. But Jihyuk shook his head, saying he was full.

I cleared the table and did the dishes. Washing the dishes with a clatter clatter in the tiny space that could barely be called a kitchen, I glanced at Jihyuk in the room. Even though he had finished eating, Jihyuk showed no sign of getting up. Well, it was unlikely he had come all this way just to eat ramen.

Then why did he come? So suddenly like this. Jihyuk had said on the phone earlier that he ‘came to give me my punishment.’ So when exactly does that start? What on earth is he planning to do to me? Does it start when I go into the room?

My chest grew increasingly tight and constricted. When we were eating, it all happened so suddenly that I didn’t have much thought, but now, the thought of sitting face to face with Jihyuk again made me feel like my insides were all clogged up. But when I actually went into the room, Jihyuk was connecting his laptop with the same expression he had when he was eating ramen.

“…What are you doing?”

“I’m going to watch a movie.”

It seems he’s not even curious about my opinion. Well, when has this kid ever been… the only time he asks my opinion is when we’re choosing a menu.

Seeing me still standing, Jihyuk flicked his eyebrows. He gestured with his chin to the spot next to him, as if telling me to come over, and it was excessively natural.

“What are you doing? Sit down.”

“…If you’re done eating, go home and play.”

I said that because I didn’t want to be pushed around anymore. Because I couldn’t just accept all this kid’s demands without end.

Actually, there was another reason I was reluctant to sit next to Jihyuk. The warmth of Jihyuk’s body as he pressed down on me yesterday still lingered faintly on my skin. The scratch that his hungry-looking eyes had gouged as he looked down at me on the bed was still vividly present on my chest.

But at my weak refusal, Jihyuk’s expression instantly turned fierce.

“Listen when I’m being nice. I said, sit down. It’s not a hard thing to do, is it?”

At his fiercely spat out words, I bit my lip hard. This was my house, and there was nowhere to run. If Jihyuk decided to be malicious, it would probably only end when he had done something to his satisfaction. I guess something has to start for it to end.

What should I do if he pounces on me like yesterday? I thought I should probably call the police, and tightly gripped the phone in my pocket. Is this really a normal thought to have when I’m alone with my tutoring student?

After standing there for a moment, I quietly sat down next to Jihyuk. As I sat down, leaving a gap of about two handspans, Jihyuk moved to sit right next to me. As his hot forearm touched my shoulder, I flinched in surprise and looked up at Jihyuk. It was a silent message that I didn’t want to sit close. But Jihyuk’s lips curved up as if he found it amusing.

“Teacher.”

“…What.”

My lips trembled uncontrollably. Jihyuk, who was staring at my lips, quietly opened his mouth.

“Do you know that every time you look at me like that, teacher, I want to do that bad thing I talked about yesterday?”

“What. Ho-how, did I look at you…”

The end of my voice trembled slightly. Jihyuk, looking down at me with a strange light in his eyes, raised his hand. I reflexively squeezed my eyes shut, and at the same time, Jihyuk’s hand grabbed my face.

My face was ridiculously squished in Jihyuk’s grip, which he held with just the right amount of force. Thinking my pressed cheeks probably looked strange like a goldfish, I grabbed his wrist with both my hands. It was the moment I was about to pull it away from my face.

“Fuck me.”

His sticky gaze swept over my eyes and nose, then slid down to my lips.

“Isn’t that what you’re thinking?”

He’s truly insane. It was hard to listen to his sexual harassment, which knew no bounds, any longer. I tried to shoot up, but the hand that had let go of my face grabbed my wrist with a familiar angle and strength. And yanked me down.

“…Ugh!”

“Does it hurt?”

Jihyuk looked down at my captured wrist with an emotionless gaze. The bandage I had put on to cover it yesterday had been taken off during my shower today. My wrist, bruised red and blue, was a spectacle. Jihyuk, who was silently looking down at my wrist, brought his finger to it and firmly pressed on the wound.

“It’s because of you. …It hurts when you press it like that!”

I shouted in an irritated tone and tried to yank my wrist away, but the captured wrist wouldn’t budge at all.

“So it does.”

With his gaze cast down at an angle, Jihyuk murmured.

“It must hurt.”

Saying this in a voice devoid of any emotion, Jihyuk lifted my wrist, still holding it. He brought the wrist to his lips and quietly inhaled like a wild animal smelling its prey, then suddenly, he stuck out his long tongue and licked the mottled bruises.

My wrist twitched involuntarily. It felt like a snake was coiling up my arm. The sensation was so vivid I could even feel the rough bumps of his tongue, making my buttocks and toes curl on their own. Frightened by the unfamiliar feeling, I struggled with my eyes wide open.

“Stop, stop doing things like this…! I don’t know why you’re doing this to me, but this kind of contact is uncomfortable. I’ve told you… many times before!”

I tried to pull my wrist free again and again. But as always, my wrist would not come loose. Feeling like I wanted to cry, I looked down at my firmly held wrist.

Strangely, whenever I’m with Jihyuk, my body doesn’t feel like my own. No, it’s just that my entire being feels endlessly insignificant. A fragile creature, caught in the giant trap of helplessness, unable to move a muscle, forced to wait for the predator that will come for me.

“And you… You’re not even into this kind of thing. So why on earth are you… doing this to me!”

It was the thing I had wanted to ask Jihyuk the most but never had the courage to. There was no way Jihyuk could be interested in my body, so why was he saying such explicit things to me.

Was it just for the fun of teasing me? If so, where on earth did that look he gave me yesterday come from? What on earth is this kid doing to me, and what does he want?

“So what if I say I’ll become one of those gay things starting today. Can I touch you then, teacher?”

But the words that came back were shameless to a fault.

“What do you mean by that…!”

“It sounds fucking tantalizing. I guess I’ll have to become gay starting today, then.”

Compared to the deliberately sharp and mocking way he was speaking, Jihyuk was staring directly at me without even blinking. Feeling a surge of anger, I glared at Jihyuk and shot back.

“Don’t be sarcastic. And you… you said you were going to punish me.”

Jihyuk’s and my gazes clashed intensely. It was almost the first time I had ever properly glared at him. The resentment that had been steadily piling up was finally exploding inside me with a roar.

“You and I… are just in a teacher-student relationship. You, as a student, have no right to interfere with what time I go home. So there’s no reason for me to be punished by you either.”

I had never properly stood up to Jihyuk like this before. Of course, Jihyuk wouldn’t suddenly realize his mistake just from hearing these words, but I wanted to at least show him that I, too, would squirm if stepped on. No matter how small and insignificant a being I was in front of him.

However, Jihyuk’s expression as he listened to me was close to one of boredom.

“I didn’t come all this way to hear that kind of preaching. In any case, it’s true that you broke your promise with me.”

“That wasn’t a promise, it was you unilaterally…!”

“Fuck, teacher.”

My words stopped on their own at the sound of his voice, which was dripping with coldness.

“Just shut up. Should I shove something in your mouth like last time? Why are you so talkative today.”

However, even while looking into Jihyuk’s fiercely sharp eyes, I opened my mouth again. Since the words were already out, I wanted to ask today. Now was the time I wanted to hear it, and wanted to know.

“Tell me.”

“What.”

I difficultly met his arrogant gaze that glanced at me, and with great effort, I moved my lips which had quickly become dry.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this to me. What on earth… do you want from me.”

For a moment, in the tense, razor-sharp atmosphere, neither of us spoke.

I had had my doubts until now but couldn’t ask Jihyuk. No, I never had the chance to ask. Situations that might have raised questions were always accompanied by Jihyuk’s violence, and at those times, I would lose my senses and only scream out in pain. Except for those situations, Jihyuk acted kindly toward me in his own way. As I let things flow as they were, we had somehow ended up in this situation.

I was growing more and more afraid of Jihyuk’s gaze, which seemed to be closing in as if to swallow me whole. It was different from the near-instinctual feeling of survival I had felt when I first saw Jihyuk.

I felt like I was crawling, on my own, into the gaping maw of a beast, without knowing where it ended. My body was slowly being stained by a gloomy darkness, to the point where I couldn’t distinguish right from wrong. A premonition that if I let this continue, I would never be able to go back, was deeply embedded in my chest with a chilling clarity. I had to get out before it was too late.

“I told you in the beginning. That I want a teacher who listens well.”

“So why on earth… do you need something like that.”

The question that followed was a more fundamental one. The one I had always wanted to ask Jihyuk.

“And… why does it have to be me.”

At the question, which was closer to a listless mumble, Jihyuk made a sound, hmm. Jihyuk, who had briefly sent his gaze toward the ceiling, slowly rolled his tongue inside his mouth. The side of his cheek bulged for a moment and then deflated. His expression was full of annoyance and boredom. Jihyuk, who had been rolling his eyes as if to draw things out, once again shot his gaze directly at me.

“Just because. Because I want to.”

Jihyuk’s slowly delivered words struck my ears clearly.

“…What?”

“Because I want to have you, teacher, and I want to play with you. Me. Do I need any other reason?”

It was a stubborn tone like a child’s, and at the same time, terribly arrogant. However, there was no trace of him trying to boast or show off in it. It was just something that was natural for this kid. To have what he wants without any restraint.

Seeing Jihyuk who, until now, had been happy like a child whenever I patted his head, and seeing Jihyuk who whined like a child to spend time with me, I had vaguely guessed that maybe this kid was starved for affection.

Of course, when I had a meal with Jihyuk’s parents, Jihyuk’s father had openly favored Jihyuk. It was so obvious that even a third party who was only there for a short time could see it clearly, so one can only imagine how it truly was. But his mother was different. His mother seemed to fear Jihyuk, or in a way, seemed to despise him.

Because I too had so painfully experienced not receiving enough parental love and care as a child, there were days when Jihyuk’s tyrannical behavior was a little understandable and a little pitiable.

But thinking about it now, there was nothing more presumptuous and shameful than this. Perhaps the arrogant one was not Jihyuk, but me.

Jihyuk wasn’t acting this way because he was lacking something. That realization came belatedly. This kid, he was just a child who was used to having everything. If there was something he wanted, he had to have it without any delay, without any obstacles.

At some point, the fist I was clenching tightly began to tremble. Mother. Hospital bills. The money Jeonghee keeps borrowing. It doesn’t look like a place for people to live, but nevertheless, the rent and living expenses for the house… They were words like a mantra that I always recited whenever Jihyuk was being stubborn and committing acts close to violence against me. I tried to take out those words and recite them again, as always. But, today, the emotions that burst out came flowing out of my eyes first.

I’m not sure why it suddenly happened. I just felt sorrowful today. Very much so. Because the spoon we were born holding was different from the start, I had been envious of Jihyuk, but never jealous.

But, today, for the first time in a long while, I felt wronged. It was heartbreaking and miserable. The fact that my desperate struggle for survival would look to Jihyuk like a wind-up toy that squeaks and dances when you wind it up. The fact that unlike me, who crawls on the ground without being able to straighten my back even once to try and grab even a grain of sand, this child would watch me with amusement and in the end, would take away even the pride that was worth less than a single grain of sand I held.

Jihyuk looked down with an indifferent expression at me, who was only shedding tears and letting out hot breaths. Then he slowly reached out and wiped my cheek with the palm of his hand. The touch seemed gentle for a moment. I remained still, frozen like a statue.

“Teacher. I’ll tell you since you don’t seem to know.”

“……”

“Your crying face, it looks really fucking hot.”

Without a single change in his expression, he said that. Swish, the hand that wiped away my tears this time slowly swept back my bangs covering my forehead.

“If you don’t want to get fucked like a dog by your student, remember this well from now on. And…”

In an instant, Jihyuk’s hand swiftly came down and lightly took the phone from my pocket. My eyes widened and I reflexively tried to snatch the phone, but Jihyuk was faster, swiftly raising his hand high above his head.

“This is confiscated.”

“What the hell… do you think you’re doing!”

Jihyuk’s lips curved up into a smirk.

“You have to receive your punishment for coming home late yesterday.”

“Give it here!”

I grabbed his firmly bulging shoulders and biceps and desperately tried to press him down, but Jihyuk snatched both my wrists and held them together as if suppressing a child . And pushed me hard against the wall. I quickly lifted my leg to kick him in the groin, but Jihyuk was faster, pressing his lower body firmly against mine.

His massive body pressed down on my entire form with a dull weight. The best I could do in terms of resistance was to give a faint twist of my waist, let alone lift my leg.

I felt like I was going to be swallowed by his excessively hot body temperature. His face, his body, were too close. With his body completely pressed against mine, Jihyuk just slightly lifted the corners of his mouth into a smile. His eyes were boiling with that same hot fervor I had seen yesterday.

Jihyuk slowly tilted his face. His lips came perilously close to the shell of my ear before pulling away again. In that moment, the fine hairs on my body stood on end and a shiver ran through me.

“Maybe it’s because it’s the first day I decided to be a gay bastard? I’m finding this with you especially fun today, teacher.”

“…Please.”

Jihyuk, who had whispered teasingly, now smiled with his eyes as well. I had no idea what method would work on Jihyuk, who was impervious to both force and logic. Tears welled up in my once again moist eyes. Holding back hot tears, I looked up at Jihyuk resentfully.

“Tomorrow… my brother is supposed to come over tomorrow. So I need to be able to get… calls. Please, give it back.”

“……”

“Please.”

Even seeing me crying and begging, the corners of his mouth, curled into a playful smile, showed no sign of coming down. If anything, an even deeper smile settled on his face.

“No. I have to break your bad habits.”

“…Jihyuk.”

“Instead, you can have that laptop, teacher. Connect to a messenger and use it.”

His attitude was like someone taking a coin out of their pocket to give alms. I was so dumbfounded that I stared up at him, speechless for a moment, and Jihyuk naturally continued.

“You’re coming to my house in a few days to tutor Woo Jiwon, right? Take it then.”

“Don’t do this. Please, Jihyuk.”

“I’ll be in touch over the weekend, so keep the computer on. And reply quickly.”

With a face full of mischief, Jihyuk patted my head again.

“Then you never know. I might miss you and come to give you your phone.”

“……”

“I’m leaving. Have a nice weekend.”

A long forearm wrapped around the back of my neck. I reflexively squeezed my eyes shut, but nothing else happened. Instead, a strong body scent wafted over me. At the same time, something hot landed on my forehead.

Jihyuk, who had kissed my forehead, left the room, and soon, the familiar engine sound rang out again. Listening to the sound of the car receding, I sank helplessly to the floor of the room. Only the laptop he had given me was left sitting forlornly in the room. One spot on my forehead felt unusually hot.