NTH 58

“It is fine. Whether you act terribly or lip-sync, your face will make everything forgivable. If you really cannot do it, you can just change clothes and do photo shoots.”

Watching Jin, who was speaking while munching with his cheeks puffed out like a hamster, Jeha smiled silently.

Watching Jin in his house, wearing the clothes he bought, with his hair dried by him, eating the food he made, and rambling on with trivial stories.

There has never been anything that made Jeha feel more deeply moved than this, and there never will be. Only the small, everyday moments with Jin could fill Jeha’s soul so completely.

“Are you not eating? You said you were hungry, but you have been the only one eating.”

When Jin asked, his dark eyes shining, Jeha replied, resting his chin on his hand.

“Just looking at you makes me full.”

“That is impossible. No matter how much I love someone, I can never feel full if food does not enter my mouth. But actually, I really like this.”

Jin took a bite of the edge of the kimchi pancake with his pretty lips, chewed it, and swallowed before continuing.

“This edge part is so crispy and delicious.”

“Tell me anytime you want to eat it. I will make it for you every day.”

“I feel like I am the only one eating like crazy right now.”

“There is something else I want to eat.”

“What is it? Don’t tell me it is me? Were you starving because you could not eat me while I was in the hospital?”

“Yes.”

“Then eat me right now.”

“No. What are you talking about, to a patient.”

“I do not mind. If you do not eat me now, I am sleeping in my room separately, okay?”

“You should not provoke people so recklessly like that. I am barely holding back, so do not stimulate me too much.”

“Then I want to eat more of this kimchi pancake first, so I will stop for a moment.”

Jin made a mischievous face and chewed the kimchi pancake thoroughly and deliciously. Jeha clenched and unclenched his fist several times to control the urge to pick him up right away and lay him on the bed.

When Jin, who had eaten enough, had a satisfied expression, Jeha roughly gathered the dishes and threw them into the dishwasher. He took Jin to the bathroom, brushed their teeth side by side, and then wiped the remaining water around his mouth with a soft towel. Jin spread his arms wide open.

“Jeha, give me a piggyback ride.”

“To where?”

“To wherever Jeha wants.”

Jeha gave Jin a light kiss on the forehead, then turned around and bent down. As Jin jumped onto his broad back, Jeha stood up with him on his back. Jin’s weight, which had become noticeably lighter than before, clung sadly to Jeha’s body.

Jin wrapped his arms around Jeha’s neck and rested his head on his shoulder.

“You know, I sometimes think about what I should do for you since you are so good to me.”

“You do not have to do anything. Just do not be sick and stay by my side like this.”

“How can I do that. Is not dating ultimately about give and take? I am receiving so much, but I have nothing to give, so I feel insecure sometimes.”

The wounds he had received from the world, piled up like layers of old dust, were palpable in Jin’s voice. Jeha, who was wondering for a moment how to explain his feelings, said to him.

“If you had as much money as a chaebol and could spend as much as you wanted, what would you want to do for your lover?”

“First, I would want to buy a good car and drive him around. So he does not have to take the bus or subway.”

“But let us say that lover already has several cars and does not need that. Anything else?”

“Then I would buy him the things he wants to have. Whether it is a watch, perfume, or clothes, anything.”

“But unfortunately, that lover is someone who has an abundance of watches, perfumes, and clothes. He would be happy with anything given by the person he loves, but he is someone who says that spending more money on items he already has a lot of is a waste. Then what would you do?”

“Then I would take him on a trip to a nice place. I would buy him delicious food too.”

“That is something that person can do for him too. Because he is someone who can take you anywhere in the world right now, as long as you are healthy and can go with him. So tell me something else besides that.”

As if he was getting annoyed at being constantly refuted, Jin said in a sullen voice.

“I cannot think of anything else now. If my lover is someone who lacks for nothing, there is nothing else I can give him. I would just have to do what he asks me to do, I guess.”

“See. You cannot impress someone who already has enough money with wealth. What I want to receive from you is something that can never be bought with money.”

“What is it that Jeha wants to receive from me the most?”

“Not being sick and staying healthy. Not leaving my side and always being with me. Living with me until we grow old and die.”

Then Jin was silent for a moment, and then, unlike his usual self, he said in an unconfident voice.

“Then tell me the specific reasons why you like me.”

“Why do you ask that?”

“I think I will feel at ease if I know that. To be honest, there are many times when I cannot understand why on earth you like me. Feelings that appear suddenly one day can also disappear suddenly one day. If I know the reasons why you like me, I can at least try to maintain or protect them, so I want to know in detail.”

How can I make him understand. That far from being a feeling that appeared suddenly one day, my eyes were strangely always drawn to you since hundreds of years ago.

That every time I tried to hold on to our connection, you would die or disappear as if someone was deliberately trying to interfere, and it was frustrating and heart-wrenching every time.

That now, by any means necessary, I plan to get rid of the existence of the gisaeng soul and never let you go.

“I like your face and your personality.”

Pressing down all the words he could not say into his stomach, Jeha painstakingly chose words that Jin would be able to accept. Jin tilted his head and looked at Jeha, saying.

“Face and, personality?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I guess my face is understandable since I am a bit pretty. But I really do not understand the personality part?”

“Why?”

“I have no manners. I only speak informally to everyone, and I am not submissive and I am blunt.”

“That is why I like you more.”

“You have a strange taste.”

“To me, you are incomparably lovely. That is why I am even more anxious.”

“Why?”

“There are plenty of guys in the world with as much money and good looks as me, but there is no one who can replace you. You are like the wind, and it feels like you could turn your back on me and leave at any time without any regrets.”

“……”

“When I think about that, I feel so anxious I could go crazy. I want to tie you up or confine you. I have even seriously wondered if I have a criminal’s genes in me.”

From behind Jeha’s back, he heard a small sniffing sound. After a moment, Jin’s voice was stuffy.

“You know, I am fine now.”

“What is?”

“After resting for a few days and receiving treatment at the hospital and eating the special meals Jeha gave me, I am overflowing with energy.”

“So?”

Jin whispered into Jeha’s ear in a very small voice.

“I think it is okay for you to eat what you said you wanted to eat earlier, right now.”