MERRY 36

Thanks to him, even the simplest actions like shifting my position on the bed or fluffing my pillow required caution. It was meant to mess with Ethan, but somehow, it felt like I was the one being punished.

I hoped my suffering would lead to some dramatic payoff, but it was just mind-numbingly boring. Come to think of it, I didn’t think Ethan would be flustered by this. Rather than falling for my pettiness, it suited him more to sit there arrogantly with his legs crossed, looking like he’d expected as much.

The moment I imagined him muttering with a composed face, “Somerset Quinn is so simple, after all,” I kicked off the covers and stood up.

I immediately changed my tactics and blasted heavy metal with a strong beat. I’d set out to torture Ethan’s ears and even chuckled deviously to myself, but I ended up turning the speakers off almost immediately. It felt like my own eardrums were going to burst first, and then there was the issue of noise complaints from the neighbors.

Rummaging through the fridge, I wondered if there were any other suitable plans. Hunger was one of the reasons I’d given up on staying quiet. I pulled out some milk that was close to its expiration date, poured it into a bowl, and added a mountain of cereal.

While satisfying my hunger, I scraped the spoon against the edge of the bowl. Skreeeeek. Making unpleasant noises out of the blue wasn’t great either—mostly because I couldn’t stand it myself. My face scrunched up instinctively.

What would be fine for me but harmful to Ethan? Something that would make a man who rarely bats an eye cringe, something he’d particularly loathe… ah, there it is. Found it.

Something to catch a man who’s lived a celibate life for years and frowns at my promiscuous lifestyle off guard. Something that I’m desensitized to, but would be far too stimulating for him to listen to. I can definitely get him with this one.

Admiring my own genius for mischief, I grabbed my phone. Abandoning my cereal halfway, I started searching for porn. Porn sites were uncharted territory for me, as I usually consumed reality rather than fiction when it came to sex. I diligently scoured the vast world I’d neglected until now.

Fortunately, there were “teaser” videos I could watch for free without signing up. I picked one that was ranked at the very top.

On the screen, two men with a noticeable size difference were embracing naked. The small, thin one looked like he was about to be crushed, yet he was smiling. He looked comfortable, as if the hairy chest of his partner were a sanctuary. Is this a “lovers” setup?

I turned up the volume to a reasonable level and played the video. Sitting side by side on the bed, the two men immediately began to grope each other’s bodies. True to its genre, it was faithful to the goal of indulgence. They laughed occasionally as if conscious of each other, but even that looked scripted. I couldn’t feel any connection beyond acting.

Pushing the soggy cereal aside, I analyzed the porn like a critic. I felt nothing at the sight of them sucking and biting as if the line between appetite and lust had collapsed, nor at the cheap moans they let out. Since I wasn’t watching this to satisfy my own desires anyway, it didn’t really matter.

When the two men finally locked limbs and began to truly grind against each other, I turned the volume up higher.

[— Pant, pant.

— Haa, mmm, more, ahh!]

They buck and shiver at the slightest touch. I doubted whether the milky-white liquid streaming out was actually real semen. The video seemed better suited for planting fantasies in the minds of kids who hadn’t had experience yet. Even for Ethan, who lived a desireless life, this kind of beginner-level porn might be a letdown.

Debating whether to keep playing it or look for another video, I made a decision when the man’s moans reached a crescendo. I ruthlessly cut the video off, but just before it ended, a line of dialogue slipped out.

[— Sorry. Did that hurt?]

The two tangled men vanished from the screen, but I was still held captive by the porn. As I struggled to break free, a deeper, vast ocean was waiting for me. The video had been replaced by my own memories.

I wonder if Ethan noticed? You said the same thing that porn actor just said.

“Sorry. Did that hurt?”

When Ethan asked me that, his eyes were hot and heavy. Sweat trickled down his temples, and his lips were redder than usual. Because I had been biting and sucking on them.

“Sorry.”

The way you apologized repeatedly, wrinkling the bridge of your nose as if the pain had transferred to you. The way I weakly shook my head and wrapped my arms around your neck. It was so hot back then. I didn’t want to let go of you, even when we were drenched in sweat.

Even after all this time, the sensation of that moment is so vivid it makes me angry. Thinking that I’m the only one feeling this way makes me so frustrated I feel like I’m going to burst.

“Dammit.”

I wanted to stop this boiling resentment from turning into misery. Parting my lips, I began to suggestively knead the front of my pants. I decided to scrap the indirect method of porn and use myself as a weapon. My own moans would be far more realistic than those of a stranger.

When you hear this, you’ll end up wandering through your memories just like me. Let’s drown in this vast ocean together, you bastard.

The heat of my breath was quite intense, even though the cock I held over my pants was still somewhat soft. It was probably because I’d been so starved lately. I swept my tongue across the inside of my mouth while tracing the outline of the shaft.

Vindicating my plan to browse the porn list again for excitement, a jolt like an electric current surged through me. It was only a mental image of Ethan kissing me.

“When you’re okay, then… then I’ll move.”

That sweet, whispering voice tries to deceive my senses. There was a strange viscosity to the breath he fed me as he pecked at my lips repeatedly. A sticky kindness soaked through me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them, hanging my head. It’s a coincidence. The timing just lined up. There’s no correlation between Ethan’s kiss and my arousal. Rationalizing pitifully, I slipped my hand into my pants. I pulled my underwear down slightly and rubbed the head of my cock in a circular motion with my thumb.

“Phew…”

I didn’t even have to put in the effort to fake a moan. A real one leaked out in a low tone.

A man who stops eating cereal to quit beginner porn and suddenly start masturbating. What a constructive holiday.

“You are truly impressive, sir.” I give myself a thunderous round of applause. It’s no wonder my mood is so twisted. It’s because when I list my current state, it’s pathetically hilarious. But I’ve already started, and I have no intention of turning back.

Wiping up the head of my cock, which was slowly getting wet, I looked around my fortress-like apartment. As I became conscious of the wiretap hidden somewhere, my grip tightened. Like someone hell-bent on masturbating, I rubbed and kneaded without hesitation.

“Ha, ah.”

The shaft swelled at the stimulus I hadn’t felt in a truly long time. I rubbed the sensitive skin and unconsciously licked my lips. I really was too starved. I was so starved that I got worked up easily. I was so starved that I wasn’t in a position to be picky, and I ended up swallowing the junk food that is Ethan Reed.

I remembered the time I rubbed my genitals against his. Aroused, I’d sat on top of him and taken the lead. Ethan looked up at me with eyes full of laughter as I acted as bold as a sex fiend despite having no experience. When I poked his navel with my thick, swollen glans, the intensity of the desire in his smile deepened.

‘Ngh.’

“Hnnh.”

The auditory hallucination of the moan he’d let out overlapped with the actual moan currently coming from my mouth. Both were so vivid it felt as if Ethan were right here. Not the Ethan on the other side of the wiretap, but the Ethan I knew. The man who only exists in the past.

Remembering the hands from the past that used to grope my body, I lifted the hem of my shirt. Feeling the bumpy muscles with my own hand, I moved up and pinched a turgid nipple.

‘Ah…’

“Haa, ugh.”

This time, my current moan was layered over the one I’d let out while arching my back under Ethan’s caresses.

Back then, being targeted by unfamiliar stimuli while defenseless felt both different and the same as now, when I understand my erogenous zones and indulge in them directly. I’d become skilled because of the body heat I’d taken with a light heart, but I was still me. Of course, to you on the other side of the wiretap, only that difference will stand out. Perhaps your judgment is the correct one.

“Haa, ha.”

I worked on my nipples and my cock at the same time, diligently pursuing pleasure. My nipples bounced as if resisting the nails that were persistently picking at them. The stiff protrusions moved as if they had a mind of their own.

“Mmm, ngh.”

As I let out erotic breaths, I felt a strange sense of helplessness for some reason. It should have been enough to have the heat pooling between my legs, but I felt a surge of emotion as if a film had formed in my throat.