MERRY 31

Unlike him, who wanted to handle things with lightning speed, I hesitated. First off, I hated that the location was a filthy alleyway, and I was reluctant because my feelings hadn’t been sorted out yet. I wanted to do it in an environment where I could focus, at a time when my chest didn’t feel so flushed.

“Not right now…”

“Won’t I only be able to rest easy once the exam is over quickly?”

As Ethan took a step as if to close the distance, I held up both hands.

“Alright. I get it, so stop. Stay right there. I can see everything and reach everything from here.”

Should I take him to the car? Ah, I left the keys behind. If we go home, we can be alone. It’s pleasant there, too. But letting a stalker into my castle would be madness.

Searching for an alternative and coming up empty, I looked at Ethan. I scanned from his forehead, where his hair fell down, past his handsome eyebrows and horn-rimmed glasses. It’s like anesthesia before surgery—though I couldn’t tell if the one being anesthetized was him or me. After inspecting the sharp bridge of his nose, I began the examination in earnest. I meticulously traced his motionless lips with my eyes and asked.

“Can I touch you?”

Without seeking an answer from Ethan, I nodded. It was a classic case of answering one’s own question.

“I’m going to touch you.”

I announced as I raised my hand.

“Touching now.”

Having declared it after following my own internal steps, I relaxed my fingers. I intended to keep my hand light and touch him for only a very brief moment. Because I knew his lips ensnared people like glue, and because I knew that once I stuck to them, I wouldn’t want to let go, I approached cautiously.

Just before we finally made contact, I burst into laughter. I felt ridiculous acting like some clumsy, innocent fool. Ethan, who had been quietly waiting for my touch, also turned up the corners of his mouth.

“Not being swayed by me acting like an idiot—that’s actually quite desirable.”

The lips murmuring in a self-deprecating tone accidentally brushed against me, and barely moving past the jolt of electricity, I finally began to touch him.

“I’ve already been swayed, but it doesn’t matter. I’m the bigger idiot.”

Once we actually touched, the hesitation faded. I rubbed the soft flesh, comparing it to what I remembered. Feeling relieved that the texture was no different from back then.

Because my hands were cold from the breeze, Ethan’s body heat felt exceptionally high. I gently stroked his closed lips. When I stopped at the fullest part in the center and pressed down on his lower lip, a breath leaked through the thin gap. It was warm, as expected.

Did the temperature difference create moisture? Even though his lips weren’t wet, the silence that followed at my fingertips felt sticky. It was a bad omen. It reminded me of the mistake at the racer’s party. Furthermore, this time, there was no interloper to pull me back to reality.

As if his heat couldn’t care less about my predicament, it acted like gravity. To resist that force, I held firm, tensing my neck until it felt stiff.

Is there a disease where you die if you can’t kiss? A patient with a disease like that would rush in just to survive.

There needs to be something extreme for contact to happen—to create a sense of justification that makes it okay. Reasons like feeling good, craving human warmth, or just wanting to do it aren’t enough. It needs to be a matter of life and death, or at least to the point of losing one’s mind. In other words, Ethan and I were even lower than a relationship of nothing.

It wasn’t like me to overthink a mere kiss. Even if I resent you for making me this way, you’d understand.

“You want to say, ‘You’ve been touching only the uninjured spots for a while now,’ don’t you?”

When I asked teasingly, Ethan blinked to signal that was exactly it. I toyed with his lips a little longer and then pulled my hand away.

“Congratulations. You’re all healed.”

“I’m not so sure I trust that.”

“It’s troublesome if you react that way to the authoritative Dr. Quinn. Be grateful I didn’t overcharge you for the consultation.”

To me, fully immersed in my role as an upright doctor, Ethan gave a light round of applause.

“You are truly impressive, sir.”

“Hmph!”

Snort!

I let out a huff and turned around. The tension that had been tormenting me scattered in the wind. My coat fluttered weakly. Ethan followed behind me as I stepped out of the alley first.

Even though my heart felt lighter, my plan to scrap the walk hadn’t changed. As I was heading to buy beer and snacks, I stepped back into an alley. Ethan joined in on the act, which was even more foolish than walking in place.

I went a little deeper than where the examination had taken place. Since that brought me closer to the opposite exit, the effort to avoid people was in vain. Just then, a person entering from that side glanced at Ethan and me standing in a line as they passed by.

“Rumor must have spread that you’re good at examinations.”

Ethan said from behind. It made sense, as people suddenly started streaming through the alley that had been empty when just the two of us were there moments ago.

“You started the rumor, didn’t you?”

“You’re accusing an innocent man.”

“This won’t work here.”

Giving up on a quiet environment, I stepped out of the alley and onto the street, gesturing to Ethan. I meant for him to come to my side. He complied obediently. It was a very submissive attitude, but I didn’t trust it. He was just as fickle as I was, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all.

The existence known as Ethan Reed deserved to be treated as a research subject. Glory to the scholar who observes, investigates, calculates, and finds the answer. And envy. I hated the thought of someone else reaching a height I hadn’t dared to aim for—not as a destructive clash of emotions, but as a pure desire for knowledge.

“We’re getting further from the apartment.”

“I know. I’m just going to hit that building over there and turn back.”

I set a building tall enough to leap over the high roadside trees as my turning point and kept walking.

“If you have something to say, just say it.”

It was unfair. I didn’t know Ethan’s thoughts, but Ethan pinpointed my inner feelings exactly. I glanced at him and turned around. Heading toward the apartment, I spoke.

“I got a message from Jimmy Myers. You remember the man you were wary of at the party? If I get to know the men trying to approach me…”

“There’s nothing to be gained by provoking me with things like that.”

“It’s just the introduction, so just let it slide.”

Since I had no intention of ruining the mood by dragging Jimmy Myers into it, I didn’t linger and got to the point.

“The day I came out after showering at Liam’s house—actually, nothing happened. I set a trap to pull your leg. I should apologize since I deceived you on purpose, but, ha, this is so pathetic.”

Even I, who rarely budges at pathetic things, thought this was the lowest. Though my reflection was lacking, given that I would have acted the same way even if I turned back time. Anyway, the words “I’m sorry” showed a will to escape from my mouth. However, Ethan blocked them.

“You don’t have to apologize. Your trap was within my expected range. I walked into it knowing everything.”

At the development that felt like a trap within a trap, I went blank and tilted my head. I must have had a bit of a moronic expression. Questions surged and twitched my facial muscles.

“What is that? Then there’s nothing to even feel bad about. Since there was nothing.”

The hollow laugh I let out at the end of my words drifted toward Ethan. Simultaneously, I also closed the physical distance between us to listen intently.

“The intention doesn’t matter. Hugging Liam Dalton’s waist, going to his house at every opportunity, being close. You even looked close with Jimmy Myers. You had an aura like you wouldn’t push him away even if he put his arm around your shoulder.”

The points Ethan rattled off with a serious face were all everyday actions. According to his strict standards, even breathing heavily near another man would likely be classified as a problem. It was like he was hounding a cheating lover by picking apart every little thing.

Even though it was quite unfair for him to monitor and condemn me when he had no right to interfere in my private life, I didn’t feel too bad.

I reined in my facial muscles, which were trying to move on their own again, and interrogated him.

“You mean you literally just hated Liam and me fooling around? Friends can do that much. And pointing out my ‘aura’ is going too far.”

“It looked like you were kissing because you were so close.”

“I could even kiss him. What’s the problem with that?”

“Not everyone is open about sexual contact.”

“It wasn’t sexual. Acting like such an innocent fool who thinks any skin contact means that.”

Who was the person who taught me about sex?

Just as that powerful interrogation churned inside me, Ethan came to a stop. We were right in front of the apartment.