MERRY 16

“He’s someone I’m lucky if I see once a year. I’ve never even been to his house in England, and he never even considered giving me the surname Beaufort. He kept the fact that he’s my biological father a secret, forcing my mother to bear the disgrace of having an illegitimate child—but as unfair as it is, they apparently agreed to it, so whatever.”

“…”

“Oh, and don’t you go blabbing about this to anyone. It’s something people in the social circles whisper about behind closed doors, but it’s not on the internet. Anyway, in terms of public reputation, he’s probably a decent guy.”

I stopped short after rambling away.

“Why did I even tell you about that man? I didn’t have to say a word.”

In the first place, it was a mistake to let his name slip when Ethan asked if the person mentioned in the call was my biological father.

But it didn’t feel like a wrong move. I was under the impression that this damn stalker’s lips were sealed. While I kept brainwashing myself into thinking that the Ethan Reed I used to know and the man he is now were different people, part of me was still putting them on the same level.

Damn it. This is your fault for making things so confusing. It’s entirely your fault. I didn’t do anything wrong, but you did. And it’s not like you’ve only messed up once or twice, right?

I was mid-grumble in my head when he spoke.

“You weren’t part of that agreement.”

Ethan spoke softly and ate his salad. The way he neatly cut the large leaves and ate them was just like him. When he saw me just watching him without saying anything, he finished his mouthful and continued.

“You didn’t participate in the agreement between your biological parents.”

Well, I was in my mother’s womb when that agreement was made, so I wasn’t exactly in a position to express my will. It was uncertain whether I’d even make it into the world or just disappear without a trace.

Regardless, what Ethan said was true. I didn’t agree to Cedric Beaufort’s decision to exclude my existence from his life. Though, in the process of my mother deciding that now was the right time to have a child, I might have influenced her even a tiny bit by kicking her belly at the perfect moment.

Somehow, I felt lighter. My mood shifting instantly, I swung my feet under the table and sipped my cocktail.

“So you’re saying it’s no problem if I go around talking about it?”

“Technically, yes.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?”

“Do you think it’s something you need comfort for?”

“I think I did until just a moment ago. I don’t need it anymore.”

In a modern society where the classes passed down from distant ancestors are just a joke, I had zero desire to belong to a man obsessed with aristocratic bloodlines. In fact, I was quite satisfied that he didn’t give me the surname Beaufort, which he takes so much pride in.

I won’t have time. Even if I did, I don’t want to meet.

I left a message for my mother and wiped my hands with a wet nap. The dishes I ordered were just being served.

“This is good.”

The taste of a regular pizza felt magnificent. The long, stretching cheese drew a deep yet jaunty melody, and the pepperoni felt like it was dancing a tango in my mouth. I almost started humming mindlessly while eating.

“Want a slice?”

“I’m fine.”

“You must have had an incredibly delicious lunch.”

“My stomach just isn’t that big.”

Ethan put his fork down after barely picking at his salad. After wiping his clean lips with a tissue, he tried to turn his gaze back outside. I struck up a conversation to stop him.

“It’s already been almost a month since you reappeared. I think that’s quite a bit of time. A month is long enough for the seasons to try and change. Look how the weather’s gotten less cold.”

I set the pizza slice down on my plate and wiped my hands. Picking up my fork and aiming for the pasta, I tried my best to keep the conversation going naturally.

“Isn’t it about time you explained? Where and how you’ve been living all this time, why you disappeared, how you ended up as my stalker—stuff like that.”

However, my efforts were wasted against Ethan’s tightly shut lips. He cowardly chose silence. He was the one who made me happy, and the one who left a scratch on that happiness.

With his eyes cast down as if his long lashes were about to prick his glasses, he sipped his zero-calorie drink like it was bitter coffee. The more nonchalant Ethan acted, the more my mood plummeted to the floor—and then deeper.

I hoped the carbonation would sting his tongue painfully. I harbored a small grudge.

“It’s a good thing I didn’t buy you those clothes. You really are a bad guy.”

I found out at the age of seven that Cedric Beaufort, who comes to see me whenever I’m about to forget him, was my father—or to put it bluntly, the man who provided the sperm to create the person I am. Around that time, I was exceptionally well-developed for my age, taking after him, and I began to wonder why I didn’t have a dad unlike my other friends.

One day, I knocked on the door of my mother’s office, went in, and started talking.

‘You told me when you taught me the word “deprivation,” right? That I’m a child who doesn’t know what it means. But I think I do. Because I am deprivation.’

‘Are you saying you want to change your name to “Deprivation”? When you say something, try to make it so the other person can understand.’

‘So, um, what I mean is, what you need to understand is… do I have a dad too?’

‘You certainly took your time asking. The fact that you didn’t find it suspicious proves you don’t know deprivation. Anyway, to answer your question, I couldn’t make a child by myself, so of course you have one, but…’

Before giving me the exact answer, my mother tested me; it was a process to see if I could actually keep a secret. After passing the test with flying colors, I learned the fact that Cedric Beaufort was my father and was simultaneously given the mission that I must never speak of it.

When I entered society, some people whispered behind my back and tried to get me to confirm their suspicions, but I never once opened my mouth. In other words, I had just spilled a secret I’d kept since I was seven to Ethan.

But I received nothing in return. It’s not like I did it expecting a reward, and being comforted by him was enough, but… still, I was disappointed deep down.

Because no matter what you say, I can keep it. Even though I look incredibly flighty, I believed you would know that I’m not.

After wandering aimlessly through Soho, I went to where Ethan’s car was parked and told him the destination.

“Liam’s house.”

Even though I hadn’t mentioned Liam Dalton’s name once until now, Ethan understood immediately, like the stalker he was. Well, he’d already finished his investigation into the people around me and had waited in front of Liam’s house, so of course he knew.

“Why there? Your place is closer from here.”

“Don’t go if you don’t want to. I’ll take a taxi. Or I can call my manager.”

With a reluctant expression, he loaded the paper bags into the trunk and the back seat and let me in. I thought he might kidnap me and do as he pleased if he really hated the idea, but the car headed submissively toward the center of Manhattan.

The inside of the car was silent, without even the sound of a common song. Outside, which felt distant as if perfectly isolated, the sun was slowly sinking.

With the side of my head resting against the window, I traced back several weeks in my mind. Someone had firmly pulled my hand as I was crossing the street, and looking back, there was Ethan. It was the moment he reappeared before my eyes after our disastrous reunion.

‘Careful.’

A rough engine sound roared behind the low whisper. A car had run the light and sped by noisily, but I didn’t even have time to see it. While pedestrians glared at the car, pointing and hurling curses, I looked at Ethan and followed him across the street.

‘Watch where you’re going.’

Ethan gave his advice in a voice that felt strangely sweet before disappearing into the crowd. I stood there belatedly looking around, clenching and unclenching my fists. I couldn’t even tell if I wanted to shake off the warmth left on my hand or if I wanted to remember it.