JKA 24

I’m eating leftover mixed rice. 1129 said this and laughed to himself. He looked just like a demon, and Jiwoon felt a chill run down his spine.

“People say things like, ‘I’d sell my soul to the devil if only this one thing came true,’ as a joke, but in the first place, a soul with a rotten mindset that just wants to get things for free has no value. Do you find such a person attractive? Aren’t you, yourself, drawn to Im Hanbyeol because he’s a picture-perfect, upright guy?”

“…”

“What tastes good to me usually tastes good to others too. There’s food that transcends things like preference. Im Hanbyeol is exactly like that.”

“Th-then shouldn’t he be the type that heaven covets or something?”

1129 folded the cloth into a neat square and casually tossed it into the hands of Jiwoon, who was pouring out questions. Jiwoon, who caught it, looked at him with a curious expression. At this, 1129 sighed.

“Heaven is a place where souls who overcome all that come. There’s no place for guys who fall for trivial temptations.”

“How can it be a trivial temptation when a demon is attached…”

“It’s a rare case for it to be visible, but demons are always in life. This world is a place where you can commit a sin with one wrong move. Even if you count from before Christ, the number of people called saints can be counted on one hand. Why do you think that is?”

“…”

“Life is originally like that. Temptation is close, and patience and effort are far. A guy who only thinks about dying every day doesn’t even know that?”

1129 crossed his arms as he looked at Jiwoon, who, as if his head was a jumble of thoughts, had been pouring out questions until just a moment ago and was now keeping his mouth firmly shut.

“You probably know this vaguely, but dying is really easy and at the same time difficult. Especially hurting yourself with your own hands is not an easy feat.”

“…”

“But, humans make it possible for very trivial reasons. They overcome things like fear and pain all at once and just die, you know? Because it seems so much better than living like this. But what would you do if someone whispered in your ear a simple way to solve something without dying?”

“…”

“Just kill the person who’s tormenting you. Don’t you die, just kill them. What if someone constantly says this?”

Jiwoon clutched the white cloth that 1129 had painstakingly folded neatly, his fingers just fidgeting.

“My life would be so much more comfortable if that fucking b**t**d just disappeared. Or maybe I’d feel a little relieved if I just took everything that b**t**d has. The moment you start thinking like that, you fall helplessly to the bottom. Killing someone else isn’t an easy thing either, you know? But you can do that easily too. Because it’s easier than killing myself.”

“…”

“Of course, most people don’t do that. In terms of ratio, there are far more people who put up with a b**t**d like that and move on. Most people live like that. That means, at the same time, most people live while committing such sins. And then sometimes they die, that’s how it is.”

“Are you saying Im Hanbyeol… wants to kill someone?”

“That could be it, or there could be another reason.”

1129 deliberately spoke vaguely. At that, Jiwoon’s gaze wavered greatly. He hurriedly came right up in front of 1129. Then he grabbed his sleeve and spoke in a trembling voice.

“Why, why… can’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Uh, I can’t.”

“Why?”

“From here on out, it’s a personal matter, so hear it directly from him.”

“No, you told me up to the point that a demon is attached, but why won’t you tell me the reason for it? What, isn’t that a personal matter?”

“You speak well. You can go and say that to him just as you are.”

1129 shrugged his shoulders and snatched the now-messy cloth from Jiwoon’s hands. Then, leaving the dazed man behind, he left the rooftop first. As he went down the stairs, 1129 unconsciously clicked his tongue, tsk.

The complaint he had filed in real-time about how he would rather die than go around looking like this with just a haircut had disappeared the moment he told him about Hanbyeol’s story. It meant that, although it was temporary, he had decided to put aside his desire to die until he found out what was happening to Hanbyeol.

That feeling, which hadn’t disappeared even when he had taken care of all sorts of messes for him, had vanished in an instant with the single existence of Im Hanbyeol. Realizing that fact, a sense of irritation somehow crept up, and he had cut off his words in the middle for no reason. In fact, he had been planning to tell him everything about why a demon was attached to Hanbyeol.

It was because he thought it would help their relationship. Even if they couldn’t develop into a romantic relationship, Jiwoon needed a friend like Hanbyeol. If someone who could ignore any temptation and move forward was by his side, it would be a good opportunity to ultimately lift the darkness that hung over Hanbyeol.

It was a much better method than him sticking around and doing this and that. Even though he had thought all that and prepared everything, seeing Jiwoon, who was clinging to him and chattering away, unlike his usual self, made his anger flare up and he had shut his mouth. He knew that acting this way wouldn’t solve anything, yet he had ruined the things he had prepared with a pointless whim.

‘It was something that wouldn’t have mattered at all if I had told him.’

1129 knew the full situation Im Hanbyeol was in. He had belatedly finished the investigation he should have done the moment he found Im Hanbyeol’s name in Jiwoon’s complaint. Finding out about him hadn’t been a very difficult task. He had already finished a certain deal with Eggers. Even if it was a half-forced one.

1129 habitually reached for a cigarette and put it in his mouth, but the moment he stood in front of the entrance, he spat it back out and sent it flying into the air.

“I should just make some food.”

Once his thoughts about Hanbyeol faded a little, it was obvious he would make a fuss about how he could go to school looking like this, so he had to soothe him somehow and send him off. If he went to school, he would meet Hanbyeol, and he would try to get the answers he couldn’t hear completely from him. Even if he somehow didn’t feel like it, he had to make him do so. Because that was his role.

The next day, Jiwoon sat in the lecture hall with the hood of his hoodie pulled down low. He had stood on the rooftop for a long time pondering Hanbyeol’s situation, but no clear answer came to him. Once 1129 decided he wasn’t going to say something, that was the end of it. It was obvious that no matter how much he pestered him, he wouldn’t get an answer. So such useless efforts were meaningless.

In that case, the only option left for him was to ask Hanbyeol directly about the situation he was in. But even if he had that thought, courage didn’t immediately follow. For now, all he could think about was not wanting to run into Hanbyeol as much as possible.

But he couldn’t skip a lecture for such a meager reason. He had already missed a day due to being sick, and he was in a situation where he had to attend the lecture even just to get an official absence. So, Jiwoon had no choice but to go into the bathroom, avert his eyes from his unfamiliar appearance, and wash his now much shorter hair. While doing so, he wondered what methods there might be to cover his face.

1129 was somehow silent, engrossed only in preparing a meal, and Jiwoon just glanced at him furtively. It was only natural, because despite having just cut his hair, he had deliberately chosen to wear a hoodie. It was certain that if he wore it, 1129 would make a fuss.

He would say, what did you think I said just now, and why did I go to all that trouble to cut your hair if you were just going to cover it with a hat. Thinking that would happen, he had racked his brain and come up with the idea of choosing clothes with a hood instead of wearing a hat. The idea was to just put it on after he went out.

But surprisingly, 1129 didn’t say a word. Since 1129 was acting like that, Jiwoon felt even more self-conscious and ate his meal while furtively checking his mood. In the end, 1129 didn’t say a word until Jiwoon got up from the table, picked up his bag, and left the house.

‘Ugh, I feel like I’m going to throw up.’

He felt like his food was stuck because he had eaten while feeling self-conscious. As he sat in the corner-most seat of the lecture hall with his head down, clutching his stomach, it wasn’t long before the professor came in and started the lecture. He wanted to just put his head down and sleep, but he couldn’t because his stomach felt upset.

He felt like he would throw up right away if someone pressed him even a little, and there was no good in just huddling here. So, Jiwoon lifted his head for a change and focused on the lecture. The one fortunate thing was that the first lecture was not a major course but a liberal arts course.

The liberal arts course Jiwoon had chosen was a lecture called Psychology in Daily Life. It was a class that roughly linked psychology theories with real-life examples, but in truth, it wasn’t a class with much connection to his major.

Of course, among his major courses, there were classes like Understanding Content, and especially if he took advertising or marketing classes, psychology terms would appear. But in a way, that was nothing more than a supplementary tool to explain the effects, and it didn’t go into depth.

So, during course registration, Jiwoon had deliberately looked for and registered for a psychology-related lecture among the liberal arts courses. He liked that the lecture hall was large and had many students, and he also liked that there were no useless group projects. Most importantly, the fact that he wanted to take that lecture was the most important thing.

He didn’t know how much of an impact a class called Psychology in Daily Life would actually have on his life. It might not be helpful at all, but there was also the expectation that he might gain something unexpected.

“For example, hmm… what would be a common stressful situation? Since you’ve all experienced the stress of entrance exams, let’s use that as an example.”

The professor began to explain, flipping through the PPT screen. It was much easier to understand as he linked a few research theories related to stress with corresponding everyday situations. Of course, a few words were difficult to understand even with further explanation.

Still, Jiwoon listened to the class with considerable concentration. It was because he himself was in the stressful situation shown on the screen right now. Of course, his situation was not an everyday one, so it couldn’t be included in the examples. But in another way, there was also something similar to his own situation. It was the part about human relationships.

If you are stressed in a relationship with someone, try to interpret that stress. To put it simply, just being able to distinguish whether it comes from resources or from emotions makes it easier to cope with stress.

First, you evaluate how this situation affects you. You try to distinguish whether this situation is an opportunity or a threat. What about my situation now? To be honest, it was a little difficult. But it was a bit of a stretch to call this a threat.

How could asking Hanbyeol what situation he was in now be a threat? It was just that it was difficult for him to muster the courage to do so. He didn’t know how to offer plausible comfort, and he was just a little afraid of the situation where that conversation would continue and he would have to confess his own situation as well.

Ah, then is this a threat? If I can get past it with a suitable lie, I can’t really call it a threat, but… Jiwoon, clutching his head, tapped on the laptop keyboard and mechanically typed out things worth noting from the lecture content.

If he were to have a conversation with Hanbyeol about the demon, he would of course have to talk about 1129 and also finish the conversation that they hadn’t finished yesterday.

“Most stress-related theories form the basis of cognitive-behavioral therapy. In a way, cognitive behavior can be seen as a process of changing negative thoughts into positive thoughts. So, just being able to recognize and evaluate the thought patterns that keep turning negative can reduce the load on your head.”

Of course, this is not an easy task, the professor said with a smile. Jiwoon couldn’t smile because it wasn’t exactly a funny situation. He didn’t know if this was the right way to interpret it, but right now, he had no resources. His social communication skills to navigate situations flexibly were extremely lacking.

He was worried about what kind of attitude Hanbyeol would show if he admitted that everything he said while drunk was sincere, and he felt that even if he blamed it all on 1129, it would weigh on his mind for the rest of his life. Even if he used 1129 as an excuse, he wouldn’t bat an eye. He himself had told him to do so, and above all, he was a being that would disappear someday.

He wasn’t human either, so once he left, they would never meet again. If they were to meet, it would be after he was dead, but honestly, there was no guarantee that he would go to heaven after he died. Someone like him would probably never be able to go to heaven.

He, who was using the angel sent to tell him not to die and to get help as a living d**do, deserved to fall into h**l right away. While he was engrossed in such thoughts, the class ended, and Jiwoon packed his laptop into his bag and slowly left the lecture hall.