JKA 23

“Wait, hold on. I, I don’t want to cut my hair… sir.”

“When you talk to someone, you look them in the eye.”

“…”

“Words aren’t the only form of language. Gaze, actions. Those are all part of language too. So, keeping your head hung low, not making eye contact, and just rattling off what you have to say isn’t a conversation, it’s a notification.”

“…”

“It means there’s no conversation happening at all. You can’t solve anything that way.”

As he spoke, 1129, using a spray bottle he had procured from who knows where, spritzed water on Jiwoon’s hair and began to comb it. At this, Jiwoon turned his head in surprise and said.

“D-do you even know how?”

“Good grief. If you were worried about that, how nice it would have been if you’d just gone to a salon.”

1129 snorted and pushed Jiwoon’s head to make him look forward.

“Is there anything I can’t do?”

“W-washing clothes or cooking, things like that, are different from cutting someone else’s hair.”

“Is there a single one of those things that you know how to do?”

“…”

“Don’t shut your mouth, keep talking about whatever. You need to get more used to having conversations with people.”

For someone who gave him a hard time with every word he said, the pretext was a good one. Jiwoon thought with a pout, but he didn’t say it out loud. It would just be stirring up trouble. 1129 was right about everything he said, so if they argued, he would always be the one to lose.

“Besides, what kind of great skill would be needed? If I had my way, I’d just shave it all off, but I’m holding back. I’ll shave it for you, so take this chance and go to the military.”

“…”

“What better place is there to run away to than the military? They’ll work you hard without you needing to think about anything, so if you go there, you won’t have to think useless thoughts either.”

“…You’ve never even been.”

The moment he said that, the hair that had been covering his eyes suddenly went whoosh up, and then, snip, it was cut and fell in front of him. Jiwoon was so startled by this that he shot up from his seat and looked at 1129.

“Ah, that’s so refreshing.”

“…Y-you, c-cra, crazy, right now.”

Jiwoon pulled his hands out from under the cloth and frantically felt his bangs. It wasn’t cut extremely short, but no matter how much he pulled at it, the hair couldn’t cover his eyes.

His wandering eyes, not knowing where to look, and his flushed red face were completely exposed to the world. Jiwoon fidgeted, not knowing what to do, but 1129, as if he had expected such a reaction, pressed down on Jiwoon’s shoulders and forced him to sit back down in the chair.

At that, Jiwoon struggled and turned his head to protest to 1129 as much as he could.

“Without, without even saying anything. What are you doing! If you’re going to cut it, you should say you’re cutting it, those words… No, what am I going to do about this? Are you really crazy!”

“I’m perfectly sane.”

“Hey!”

“But what can I do when it’s already been cut? What’s done is done.”

1129 had a confident expression. He even nodded his head alone as if he had done nothing wrong. Jiwoon was so dumbfounded that he gave up struggling. It was because all the energy had drained from his body. How could he be so irresponsible? It wasn’t 1129’s hair that had been cut, it was his own.

“How, how am I supposed to go around like this…”

“You went around just fine looking like a ghost, so what’s the problem?”

“Aren’t you talking too ca-casually just because it’s someone else’s business? Really, this is…”

“You said it to me. That everyone acts like everything will be fine if you just talk, but when it turns out that’s not the case, you don’t know what’s right.”

1129, who had started combing the hair of Jiwoon, who was sitting still as if he had given up, and then began to cut it without hesitation with scissors, spoke while looking only at the back of his round head.

“That’s because you don’t look at other people’s expressions. Do you remember what Im Hanbyeol’s expression was like at the cafeteria?”

“…”

“Well, you probably glanced, glanced at him. But do you remember anything about what kind of expression he was looking at you with overall?”

Jiwoon couldn’t answer. He remembered that he had grabbed him with a serious expression as he was trying to run away. But after that, he had been so caught up in his own thoughts and had his head down that he couldn’t remember what kind of expression Hanbyeol had made properly.

“And yesterday?”

“…”

“Yesterday, when he was talking, you were only looking at me.”

“Th-that’s because…”

“And after that, you leaned on me and half-fainted. You don’t remember anything, do you?”

Jiwoon didn’t answer. He just stared at his own hair falling onto the white cloth. He was right. Yesterday, when Hanbyeol was spouting nonsense about demons and what not, Jiwoon had only been looking at 1129. It was because looking at 1129 was more comfortable than looking at Hanbyeol.

There was always no wavering in 1129’s expression. Even if there was, it was transparent. There was never any kind of strange, unreadable expression. When he was angry, he had an angry expression, and when he was annoyed, he had an annoyed expression.

His words and expressions always matched. There wasn’t the slightest sense of incongruity. His gaze was the same. That’s why, from a certain point, making eye contact with 1129 had become not difficult. The number of times he had properly strung together a sentence to say could be counted on one hand, but still, in front of him, he seemed to be able to speak quite well.

“That’s because, because you’re com-comfortable.”

At those words, 1129’s hand, which had been cutting his hair, paused for a moment. But it was for a split second, so short that Jiwoon couldn’t have noticed.

“You know everything about me, and, and so I don’t need to hide anything. So…”

“What are you going to do by getting comfortable with someone like me? Are you going to live with only me forever?”

At 1129’s words, Jiwoon blinked his eyes. It was something he had never really thought about. He’d thought that he wished he would disappear from his sight quickly, but at the same time, he had gotten so used to everything he did that he had reached a point where he would feel his absence.

I wish he wouldn’t be a bother. I wish he would disappear. While thinking such things, he had never actually imagined what it would be like after he was gone. That was rather funny.

“You’re not thinking that I’m going to take care of you until you die, are you? That wasn’t my purpose for being by your side in the first place.”

“…”

“Where in the world is there a person who will do everything you want without you having to say it, and even have s** with you.”

As 1129 said that, he moved and stood in front of Jiwoon. Then he pulled his chin up and began to trim his cut bangs. Jiwoon looked at 1129, with no bangs to hide his gaze.

That’s right, this kind of thing wasn’t forever. 1129’s purpose was to keep him from dying. The conclusion of the numerous complaints was always ‘I’ll just die.’ If only that feeling disappeared, he would leave his side at any time. It was only because that feeling still remained that he was staying here.

His physical relationship with him also wasn’t because they had any feelings for each other. It was just because it made Jiwoon’s desire to die disappear for a moment. 1129, to resolve even one more of the complaints that kept piling up, and Jiwoon himself, to relieve his pent-up desires. That was all.

“As I said yesterday, sexual relations are just a byproduct of some emotion. To be more honest, it’s nothing more than a desire for procreation. So this kind of relationship can’t become everything. Are you going to have s** with everyone you meet?”

At 1129’s question, Jiwoon shook his head slightly. At that, 1129 held Jiwoon’s chin even more firmly to make him face him. It was to cut his hair properly, but the moment Jiwoon met 1129’s piercing gaze, he couldn’t bear it and squeezed his eyes shut.

It felt strange. They were in a physical relationship to satisfy what each of them wanted. Therefore, the relationship between him and 1129 didn’t fit into either of the examples he had given. It wasn’t a byproduct of emotion, nor was it a desire for procreation. In other words, his and his sleeping together didn’t contain any meaning whatsoever.

“I understand feeling things like wanting to have s**. It’s a basic human instinct to feel sexual desire for an attractive being…”

1129, who had been thoughtlessly cutting his hair and spouting nagging remarks, suddenly stopped moving. At the same time, he completely stopped talking, and Jiwoon, who had been lost in thought, opened his eyes in wonder. At that, 1129 covered Jiwoon’s eyes with the hand that had been holding his chin.

“…Close your eyes. Hair’s going to get in.”

Jiwoon, who couldn’t check 1129’s face because his vision was suddenly blocked, thoughtlessly closed his eyes as he was told. At that, he once again felt the sound of scissors cutting his hair and the sensation of a comb running through it.

“Anyway. The need to approach this in a different way has now arisen.”

“…What does that.”

“I’ve realized that just coddling you and making you act like a decent human being won’t solve anything. It’s d**n late, though.”

Even though he knew better than anyone that taking on chores like cleaning, laundry, and cooking, and relieving sexual desires wouldn’t make the impulse to die disappear, he had continued that life for over a month. The moment he became aware of that fact, 1129 felt a strange, uncomfortable feeling.

But he couldn’t precisely describe what it was, so in that state, he didn’t want to make eye contact with Jiwoon and covered his eyes. It was because he had judged in that brief moment that it wouldn’t be good to show an ambiguous and strange expression. Why he had made such a judgment was also vague to himself.

“He might die if you leave him alone.”

“Wh-who are you talking about… Don’t tell me, Hanbyeol?”

“Yes.”

Jiwoon once again opened his eyes wide and stared at 1129. At that, what he saw was 1129’s usual, calm expression. On the other hand, Jiwoon was wearing an expression of transparently clear bewilderment.

At that expression, 1129 frowned slightly, but he quickly found his usual face again and continued speaking.

“The one possessed by a demon isn’t you, it’s that Im Hanbyeol guy. To be precise, he’s on the verge of being possessed.”

Completely forgetting that the hair he had painstakingly grown had been snipped and chopped off, Jiwoon followed 1129, who was cleaning up the rooftop, and poured out questions.

“D-demons really exist?”

“Well, if angels exist, wouldn’t demons exist too?”

“Why, why is it next to Hanbyeol? He’s not the type of guy to get involved with demons at all?”

“What do you know about him?”

As 1129 asked, shaking off the cloth covered in hair, Jiwoon just blinked his eyes. If he asked what he knew, he knew that Hanbyeol was diligent. He was good at studying, and he was never late with his assignments. He also seemed to be working several part-time jobs, and he had mentioned that his mother was sick.

Doesn’t that mean he’s acting as the head of the household in his own way? To think that a demon was next to such a person was unbelievable by his standards.

“Well, to you guys, it’s right for an angel to be next to a guy like that, and for a demon to be next to a guy like you.”

“…”

“But, it’s usually the opposite. There are more demons next to guys like that. Why would a demon want a soul that only thinks rotten thoughts like you? If you go to h**l, there are tons of guys like you all over the place.”