TEOCH 55

To find their location, I made three trips in vain.

[Tristan’s persuasion has failed. Tristan has decided to spar with Rikiel again to persuade him. Tristan’s stamina will be consumed by 50.]

[It seems Rikiel is much angrier than expected. Tristan has consumed 70 stamina from sparring with Rikiel. Tristan attempts to spar with Rikiel once more.]

[Tristan’s persuasion has failed. What a shame.]

‘Don’t explain, don’t explain, don’t explain…!’

What’s with you, spouting system messages in a tone that’s not the least bit regretful? I ground my teeth and moved on to the next location.

I couldn’t figure out where on earth these people were sparring. To exchange sword blows, a wide-open space would surely be ideal, but even after checking the three closest clearings we visited during our exploration today, I couldn’t see the two of them.

Where on earth are they? Don’t tell me they went too far? Trying my best to suppress my growing impatience, I took a deep breath.

No matter how furious he was, Rikiel wouldn’t have ventured far enough to encounter monsters with Tristan in tow. He wasn’t the type of emotional person to lose his composure even when consumed by anger.

Besides, Tristan, too, would surely stop Rikiel if he tried to do something too reckless. That person possesses both the reason to calmly assess the situation and the leadership to sufficiently control his younger brother…

[Tristan’s stamina has dropped below 10%. He needs rest.]

…Of course, if we were to consider only physical ability, Rikiel would be far superior. I moved on to the next location, hoping that Tristan hadn’t collapsed from exhaustion.

The clearings I had identified through the evening exploration totaled four. If the two of them weren’t at the next location, I would have to wander through an area where the map wasn’t even properly revealed to find them. I really hope to avoid that situation…!

“…sir?”

“…lutely, … to put it bluntly, … could also…”

Just as I was about to reach the fourth clearing, I caught a faint voice from a distance. The voice, coming in broken fragments, sounded quite exhausted, but its tone wasn’t all that serious.

It seemed that, at least for now, the two of them were not fighting or in a bad mood. Well, after sparring so boisterously, both of them must have let off some steam.

“I’m sorry. I was too…”

“Hmm? There’s no need to say that, Rikiel. Isn’t it natural to be tired after a bout with the kingdom’s greatest knight? Though from my perspective, it feels like I was beaten up one-sidedly.”

“That… I’m sorry.”

“I said it’s fine. Although I’ve used up almost all my strength fighting with you and have become so tired I can’t even walk, isn’t this much something I can endure to soothe my dear younger brother’s anger? I’m glad if I can be of help even in this way.”

“P-please just honestly say that you’re tired…”

In the middle of a small clearing just big enough for two people to spar, Tristan was sprawled out on the ground in a mess, not even caring that his hair was getting dirty. It seemed that person had been severely overworked due to his sparring with Rikiel until now. Rikiel, who had sparred with him, was only sweating a little and didn’t look tired, but perhaps because he felt sorry for overworking his brother, he was fidgeting and at a loss for what to do.

I tried to hold back my laughter and hid behind a tree at the edge of the clearing. Of course, I could run up to the two of them and question them right away, but for now, I was more curious about what the two of them were talking about.

And before long, I was able to find the answer to the question I had been holding in my heart.

“But, you weren’t being honest either, were you?”

“Yes?”

“I’m talking about earlier. You weren’t being honest either, were you? If you had clearly said from the beginning that you were worried about Rohan, it wouldn’t have escalated into such a big fight.”

“Th-that’s.”

Rikiel averted his gaze with a reluctant expression, and I, too, took a difficult breath, trying not to let my sigh be too loud.

So he was worried after all? To be honest, it was a fact that was still hard to believe, but seeing Rikiel’s attitude, which seemed to affirm Tristan’s words, it didn’t seem like that guess was far off the mark. But, but what was truly hard to believe was…

‘How on earth can a person be so stubborn as to worry in that way?’

A surge of inexplicable annoyance welled up, and I had to struggle for a long time to suppress a deep sigh. If only he had spoken a little, just a little more clearly, I wouldn’t have been so confused!

If he was worried, he could have just said he was worried. Who was the one who provoked my anger with words like I was being selfish, or that the parasite could have been distributed to others? Because he hides his true feelings like that, and doesn’t reveal anything properly…

Even as I was thinking that, Tristan and Rikiel continued their conversation. I was about to step into the clearing to start talking to the two of them. But then.

“I… I am sorry about that point as well. I didn’t intend to get angry at Rohan from the beginning. But…”

“But?”

“Somehow, I got a little worked up. That person… he doesn’t reveal anything properly to us, does he?”

At that one sentence from Rikiel, I paused in my tracks for a moment.

“I don’t think Rohan would act that way because he’s determined to hate me. He’s not that irrational of a person. But that person really doesn’t try to say anything, does he? He barely lets out a fragment of information only when I demand an explanation, and he always tries to hide what’s truly on his mind.”

“I understand what you mean, Rikiel. However…”

“And on top of that, saying that I ignored Rohan’s decision, or that I was protesting about the distribution of the parasites… Doesn’t he really only hear what he wants to hear!”

Contrary to his vehement tone, as if he were bursting with indignation, Rikiel’s face was just gloomy. In a way, it was no different from him badmouthing me behind my back, but for some reason, I didn’t feel like protesting.

It was partly because there was some truth to Rikiel’s words, but more importantly…

‘Well, do you think you’re any better than him? You and him are exactly the same.’

The moment I realized that the complaints Rikiel was pouring out were an exact match to the complaints I held, that one sentence from Rehas came to mind vividly.

Am I really the same as that person? So frustrating that it makes me angry just looking at him, everything he does is always selfish, he never listens properly to what others say, and he’s always so stubborn that he doesn’t think about others’ feelings in the slightest… Am I really like that?

No, it can’t be, I thought to myself, but… what Tristan said yesterday came to mind as if it had been waiting, reminding me of reality.

‘You have a lot on your mind, but you’re not good at explaining it in words, are you? The you I’ve seen so far seems like that kind of person.’

I barely managed to swallow back a bitter laugh and hung my head low. So in the end, was it self-loathing by proxy? The flaws that Rikiel has are clearly flaws that I also have, yet for some reason, when I look at that person, those flaws are so grating that I just can’t overlook them.

The thought that my dislike for that person might have stemmed from self-loathing suddenly seeped out from a corner of my mind. Though I didn’t want to admit it, honestly.

‘Yes. Maybe, maybe…’

I might have been deliberately avoiding looking directly at that person’s personality all this time. Because I hated the reflection of myself that I saw in him, so I deliberately twisted his intentions and only tried to see him in a bad light. Just like what Rikiel said a moment ago, maybe I was determined to hate Rikiel.

Thinking that, I felt my heart soften a little. Right, since it’s come to this, how about I apologize to that person right now? If I try my best to accept that person’s words with an open mind, I might be able to discover the true feelings hidden behind his blunt words…

“He’s a truly incomprehensible man. He casually cuts his leg open to insert a parasite of unknown origin, yet his expression never changes. His arms and legs are thinner and weaker than yours, brother, yet he acts as if he can do everything himself. He says life here is so hard he can’t remember the old days, yet he holds his head high as if it’s not hard at all… Really, I don’t like such a bluffer one bit!”

…Wait a minute.

So, I want to interpret the words coming out of that man’s mouth as favorably as possible right now… but no matter how good the intention is, that’s a little annoying, isn’t it?

‘What? Who’s bluffing?’

He’s the one who’s always bluffing and trying to take on burdens beyond his limits. Who is he to say that to me?

The regret that had been swirling in my mind vanished in an instant. The corners of my mouth, which had been set in a hard line, twisted up strangely. I raised my body, which had been hiding behind the tree, and slowly walked into the middle of the clearing.

Tristan, who spotted me approaching, tried to get up in a fluster, but I silently gave him a look. Just a moment, just stay still for a very brief moment.

No, it’s not like I’m doing this because I’m angry. I understood that that man was originally the type to worry about others in that way, and I also get that the remarks that are just bewildering from my perspective are his own way of expressing concern. But, just, how should I put it…

“What kind of a hero is he when he acts so unreliably? I really…”

“…Uh, um. Rikiel? You know?”

“I’m not wrong, am I! To be honest, that was why I disliked that man at first. He looks so frail, as if he can’t even protect his own body, yet he doesn’t honestly ask for help. There should be a limit to a person’s pride…”

“Hey, Rikiel? I think you should shut your mouth right now…?”

Back, back. Rikiel, who was looking strangely at Tristan mouthing words over and over, finally seemed to realize that someone was behind him and turned his head… and froze solid the moment he spotted me. I watched his expression with a slight smirk. Really, the more I see him, the more I feel it.

“No, please continue. It’s quite interesting to listen to.”

Putting aside all that self-loathing stuff, this man and I are just not compatible.

Feeling a subtle, ticklish embarrassment prickle my spine, I stared fixedly at Rikiel’s face.