Vol 6 Ch 8

Kwon Taeha’s subordinates acted exactly as he instructed. I had no intention of fleeing anyway, but the way they treated me—as a suspect ready to bolt at any time—reminded me once again: Ah, Kwon Taeha will never trust me. Of course he wouldn’t. I should be grateful enough that I wasn’t shackled and locked up in a hotel room……

I thumped my chest. If I didn’t, I thought the bile would spill out again. I knew it was all because of me. I shouldn’t have run away. I shouldn’t have feared him back when he was eighteen……

I glanced back. Kwon Taeha was walking toward me. I didn’t look at him again, and without the slightest resistance, I headed for the waiting sedan. The door shut the moment I got in the back seat. Before long, he sat beside me, rolling the window halfway down. The car glided forward with barely a tremor, a divider rising between the front and back seats.

“Really…… it wasn’t her, right? You’re lying, aren’t you?”

Looking exhausted, he rubbed his forehead and pulled the laptop from the side compartment. Clicking open a window, he clucked his tongue softly. The sea breeze that drifted in through the half-open window wrapped around us both.

“Her real name is Jin Laiyuan. In Korean, Kim Laeyeon (金來緣).”

“?”

“Kim Jaeyeon was her assumed name.”

I was at a loss for words.

“As a Chinese émigré, she stayed in Korea and married Joo Sangkyung, which allowed her to naturalize. Before the marriage, she worked at Rose Garden, and at that time in Korea she was Sangkyung’s informant. According to reports, Rose Garden was a courtesan house frequented by high-ranking men.”

I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.

“While she was at Rose Garden, Kim Laeyeon became pregnant with a congressman’s child. As soon as her pregnancy was discovered, she was forced into an abortion. Afterward, she could never conceive again. That was exactly why she caught Joo Sangkyung’s eye. His young son Joo Hawon needed a mother who couldn’t have children of her own.”

I stared at him, bewildered at his detached tone.

“Joo Sangkyung paid a great price to free Kim Laeyeon from Rose Garden. Just like with Min Ling, it was an enormous favor.”

‘She’ll be the perfect mother to love Hawon. And she’ll be someone who will never betray us.’

So that’s what it had meant……?

“After comparing DNA with her biological father, it was confirmed the corpse you just saw was indeed Kim Laeyeon. Ever since the moment you proposed a deal with me, I had every unidentified body found in Macau and Hong Kong cross-checked. Kim Laeyeon is—”

“Kim Jaeyeon……”

I muttered the name I knew.

“Yes, Kim Jaeyeon. The estimated time of death was sometime in spring this year. The body surfaced at Hong Kong Harbor already decomposed. There were signs suggesting strangulation, so an autopsy was scheduled. But the autopsy revealed it wasn’t strangulation—it was drowning. Luckily, the Hong Kong authorities were slow in their handling.”

Right now, Kwon Taeha didn’t sound like he was recounting the death of a person, but merely reporting a case file. Did he think that, now that he had taken WikiLeaks from me, it was all finished?

“……CEO.”

At my call, he merely shut the laptop and put it back in its slot.

“All this time…… you really couldn’t find her?”

Back when I became the Cinderella of STA Füssen and made the front page, he had said that if Kim Jaeyeon were alive, she would come find me.

“The day you returned from Germany…… do you remember what you said at the Füssen charity gala? That you’d find her for me……”

I lowered my head. My lips twisted out of my control.

“Yes.”

“Back then it was just a pretext to win me over, wasn’t it? You never truly searched for her, did you? You—people call you Big Brother! There’s no way Ail Kwon could’ve found her first!”

“I truly wanted to find her.”

His gray-blue eyes carried sincerity.

“At least until we got our hands on WikiLeaks.”

That too was sincere.

“It also means that until the moment you ran away, Hawon, I had every intention of finding her.”

I clenched the hand that had been resting on my thigh. Something damp fell onto it.

Kwon Taeha said the estimated date of death was this spring. That meant she had still been alive when I was at Aeil Kwon’s villa. Was it because I hadn’t accepted Aeil Kwon’s deal that he killed her? If I had taken his offer, would I have been able to meet her alive? Maybe if I had followed him when he said he’d send me abroad to study, an outcome better than this one might have been waiting for me. But I was always clumsy. Even when I chose death at sixteen, the pitch-black Macau had seemed more frightening than dying. And after I handed over WikiLeaks, I didn’t want to fall into a body left with nothing to do but cradle some man’s cock.

I pressed both hands over my mouth. I couldn’t stop the tears.

Why had weaklings like us, more fragile than twigs, ended up in this terrifying, merciless game?

My breath came in shallow cuts, harsh and ragged. It’s my fault. Everything’s ruined because of me. She, who could have lived, is dead, and I—pathetic as I am—dared to fight back against them. I wasn’t supposed to run away from Kwon Taeha. If I had followed him like he said, maybe everything would have turned out better than now.

Ah… is this how I’m meant to be punished? It felt like a giant bead was lodged in my throat, making it hard to breathe.

Kwon Taeha pulled my trembling shoulders toward him. I couldn’t see his face. Even when he called me, the world was nothing but a blur, as if I were underwater. He wrapped his arms around me as my body convulsed, choking for air. At his shout, the sedan stopped, and I heard the rear door swing open.

“Breathe slowly.” His urgent voice pressed down on my chest.

“Let me go. Please, just leave me alone. I don’t care if I stop breathing and die like this—just… please.”

My chest pounded wildly, and my head felt like it would shatter from the sobs rising to my throat.

***

The sight of the sea had been familiar to me since I was young.

“Your family of two mustn’t go near the water. You won’t survive the waves—you’ll be swept away.”

That was what my grandfather used to say. Yet he built his mill right by the sea. He was happier than anyone when we visited, yet at the same time, he wished we wouldn’t come. So he lived by the water but told us to stay far from it. My father died on the water, and she died in it.

I almost died outside of it, unable to breathe like a fish without gills. Looking at the sea that touched the road, I thought: grandfather had said never to go near the water, but there isn’t a place in Hong Kong or Macau that isn’t close to it.

Both back doors of the car were open, and the sea breeze cut straight through. The artificial chill of the air conditioner didn’t reach me; instead, Kwon Taeha’s hand rested on my forehead. Lying down, I breathed through a paper bag covering my nose and mouth. His firm thigh under my head gave me no comfort. My brain, starved of oxygen, felt sluggish, and I wanted to stop thinking altogether. His hand covering my forehead slid down over my eyes, blurring what little sight I had left. Light leaked through the cracks of his fingers, and I closed my stinging eyes in the darkness he created.

***

“They’re going to drag out matters from the previous generation. You know this well, don’t you? When it comes to immoral conduct, even things from fifty, no—one hundred years ago have to be accounted for. Why did you let it reach this point instead of cutting it off? Why on earth did you dig up what should have stayed buried? I really can’t understand your intent.”

Jade Miller’s sharp gaze pierced me.

“Don’t tell me you never intended to control this from the start?”

Even at his question, Kwon Taeha gave no reply.

A thin brushstroke ran across the dark sky, leaving a streak of vivid lightning in its wake. A tropical squall was raging around Füssen. Furious wind robbed the rain of all direction, slamming it into the windows where it exploded with ferocity. The CEO’s room was like a muted television. Outside was chaos, yet all I could hear were Jade Miller and Kwon Taeha’s voices.

I turned away from the window and faced the huge screen in the living room. Alongside the files lay my father’s journal.

“There was never any need to coax Mr. Joo Hawon in the first place.”

“That’s something you can only say after you’ve learned the essence of WikiLeaks.”

“Even if you didn’t know then, you could have stopped it later. You could have forced WikiLeaks to be withdrawn.”

“Miller, if I had forced it, we’d be in a worse situation than now. Don’t underestimate Joo Hawon.”

Click. I flicked the flame of my Zippo lighter and put a cigarette between my lips.

“Do you have any sense of what the vice president is thinking? For all we know, even Kim Jaeyeon’s death might not have been Aeil’s doing.”

Kwon Taeha looked at me, then spoke at last.

“The question isn’t whether Aeil killed Kim Jaeyeon. It’s why she died. The autopsy said drowning, so we can’t rule out suicide.”

“There’s only one reason. If the material Mr. Joo Hawon handed over is real, then Aeil knew Kim Jaeyeon had another half. If he couldn’t have both, he would choose to erase one.”

“Why are you so worked up?”

That was Kwon Taeha’s first warning to Jade Miller—or at least, that’s how it sounded to me.

“How could I not be? Even the Mega Float is at stake!”

Jade Miller inhaled sharply and swallowed his words.

“We could still just pay him off and send him away. If you want, we can even make a replacement better than Mr. Joo Hawon. Isn’t he of no more use? I’ll find him a suitable country to live in.”

The cigarette ash clung precariously. Calmly, I reached forward and tapped it into the ashtray.

“Who said you get to decide that?”

“Then how long are you going to let yourself be dragged around like this?”

“Did I hire you to manage my personal life? Just do the job you’ve been paid to do, like you always have. If you can’t, then stop thinking about staying under me.”

With Jade Miller alone, Kwon Taeha showed none of his usual leniency. He let his displeasure show without filter.

“Make a list of everyone Felix has met since Joo Hawon ran away. There might be some unexpected names.”

Though it was clear he still had much to say, Jade Miller was quick-witted.

“…Understood.”

He copied the corrupted file to my laptop. The text was broken and jumbled, but was it really okay to pass it over like that?

“CEO…”

“If I fall, he falls too. Don’t worry.”

Kwon Taeha cut off my doubts. Jade Miller’s gaze, sharp as a blade, lingered on me as though he would slit my throat the second Taeha looked away. To that lawyer, I must have been nothing but a thorn in his side. He had never liked me, and his eyes still weighed and ranked people.

After Jade Miller left, I took the seat he had vacated. On the screen was the WikiLeaks that had been kept hidden all this time. Across the table, Kwon Taeha said nothing for a long while.

Still staring at the screen, he finally spoke.

“If we put together the files Kim Jaeyeon had with the ones we have, does it make a complete version?”

If it was only fractured text, no matter how long it took, restoration was possible. Assuming Aeil Kwon had gotten her files, he would have tried the same thing.

“Probably… Either a place to hold the perfect WikiLeaks, or a file hidden so it only opens when combined. That’s what we should expect.”

“Mm. If there is a hidden file made with the technology of that time, it won’t take long to find. Joo Sangkyung wouldn’t have done something like that.”

“Isn’t that right?” he shot back at me.

I was exhausted. Even after crashing into sleep for hours since returning to Macau, my eyes still felt dry and gritty. Kwon Taeha had suggested I see that chatty American doctor, but there was nothing wrong with me. I was a beaten soldier standing in the middle of enemy fire, clutching nothing but an empty gun. I wanted to declare defeat and return home, but my homeland had long since been reduced to ashes.

“…Won.” Slowly blinking, I looked at him.

“I’ll say it again—Kim Jaeyeon’s death isn’t your fault. And it isn’t mine either.”

“…”

“She’d been living like the dead ever since Joo Sangkyung died. She deliberately disappeared, so you wouldn’t have been able to find her. And if Aeil had really known where she was… he would’ve brought her right in front of you. He wanted WikiLeaks just as badly.”

Looking back, Aeil Kwon had said he knew of her whereabouts, but never once that he actually had her with him. I clung to the mere fact she might still be alive. Because if she was alive, there was someone with the power to find her. Someone I could hang onto…

It was you.

So it was my fault. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t. I didn’t trust Kwon Taeha, but I wanted to use him. From the beginning, he and I were in a relationship of taking and being taken. I didn’t want to lose a single thing, while he—who already had everything—was allowed to take even more. He wanted it all. How could something so selfish ever end well?

By the time I realized it, I was already racing toward the cliff’s edge. From the moment Kwon Taeha first came for me, the chicken game had begun.

“It could’ve been… suicide.”

“With no signs of foul play, that hypothesis has to be left open.”

“They always say it’s suicide if there are no signs of murder.”

A bitter laugh slipped from my lips.

“Do you know who first found my father’s body, CEO?”

The sound of ice cracking inside a glass cut through the air. His expression deepened.

“Medicine bottles were scattered like a show, no note left behind, and he was found rotting. And the one who discovered him was me. At first, I refused to believe it too—that my father would never commit suicide. He wasn’t that kind of man. What about you? If they told you a member of your family had killed themselves, would you just accept it?”

He muted the screen with the remote. With his disheveled hair and open collar, he looked a little worn out himself.

“If there are doubts, you dig.”

“That’s what normal people do, but most people can’t manage even that.”

He seemed unable to grasp my meaning. Of course—those who have everything can’t imagine life without.

“When you have questions, you dig. You persist until you find answers. But those who live day to day, struggling just to eat, don’t have that luxury. The police say suicide, and that’s it. He overdosed in Macau alone, so who would believe anyone killed him? Who would even try to prove it?”

Poverty isn’t a crime, but it strips away too many things. Even the right to know the truth. I pressed down on my chest. Memories I’d tried to bury suffocated me.

“All this time, you’ve thought it wasn’t suicide?”

Kwon Taeha laughed in disbelief.

I had suspected, but still lived as though I’d accepted it. And as he said, I never dug into it. So that laugh was ridicule aimed at my cowardice. But my life wasn’t pathetic enough to be mocked by you. Even now, I carry guilt in my father’s place—the man who once kidnapped you. You’ve already shaken my life enough. Watching me crawl like a cockroach must’ve filled the emptiness of your revenge.

The anger I had coiled in my gut rose again, slow and poisonous.

“So should I have begged for help from faceless people in high places? Through who? Even if I’d wanted to investigate myself, where would I have started? I was sixteen! Alone in Macau with no one! Do you think I was stupid? Pathetic? Could a kid chased by loan sharks and picking food off the ground really shout about his right to the truth?!”

I bit down on my lip. Don’t cry. Don’t let something like this break you. The pain in my chest was worse, numbing even the sting of my bitten lip.

Living at the bottom taught me this: to claim your rights, you need power. WikiLeaks gave me that power, but once I finally held it, I had no idea how to use it. There was no real dirt to leverage; all I ever had was bluffing.

If Kwon Taeha had thought me shrewd all this time, it was only the result of flailing to survive. Aeil Kwon had seen my weakness more clearly than you ever did. If I had truly been clever, I would’ve abandoned all attachments and cut myself away from you completely.

“And that’s what made you like this. Always afraid someone will hurt you, bristling with thorns. You don’t even know who’s on your side—you just stab at anyone.”

“My side? Who’s on my side?”

“Are you saying I’m not? Who else in this world would put up with the shit you pull? Running away, breaking contracts, that WikiLeaks stunt—you’ve never kept a single promise. And yet I’m not on your side? Since we’re at it, shall we go further? How did it feel using ‘Louis’ as a fake name, drifting around Korea? Hm? Thinking, ‘that bastard’s too stupid to find me’? And when I almost did, you ran off again and laughed at me, didn’t you?”

Ah… I was stunned. I hadn’t imagined he thought of me that way. In his eyes, I was nothing more than the son of that devil Joo Sangkyung. Now it all fit. That’s why he always tried to control me, never trusted me.

“CEO… do you even know why I…”

The words tangled in my mouth. My mother had always run away only when my father was home—her pitiful attempt to get his attention. I, too, had clumsily leaked bits of myself, convinced Kwon Taeha would come looking. I didn’t want to admit it, but I had repeated my mother’s hated pattern. Because of WikiLeaks or not, I wanted his attention. I wanted him to forgive me for running. And the reason was…

“Because I wanted you to find me! Because I held onto hope that she was alive, and I held onto hope that the Kwon Taeha standing before me now wasn’t the eighteen-year-old boy anymore!”

The words tore out at last. My hand clenched my thigh, trembling. I hadn’t wanted to say it. I hadn’t wanted to admit it. I didn’t want to beg to keep what little was left of me when I’d already given you half of my emotions. I didn’t want to. I don’t know. I just want to bury the truth of these conflicting feelings—wanting you to leave me, yet desperately not wanting you to.

“Do you… do you know why I turned down Aeil Kwon’s deal?”

I ground my teeth. I didn’t want to sound weak, but my mouth betrayed me. That heavy weight still pressed against my chest, unbearable. My eyes burned so hot the tears should have evaporated, but my vision stayed blurry.

“I didn’t want to sell you to Aeil Kwon. And even after I ran, I didn’t want to barter with this filthy body. Can you believe that? That I didn’t want to sleep with anyone who wasn’t you?”

“And what was the result of that?”

“I lost the Mega Float. I ended up deceiving you. Do you want an apology? Or should I retrieve what I lost for you? That’s what I intended. No—honestly, I didn’t even want to give it up. From the moment I learned you weren’t the legitimate heir, I swore I’d never let WikiLeaks see daylight. Do you know why? Because I was afraid it would harm you!”

“For me? No, be more honest. You didn’t want to hand it over because you’d be nothing but a dealer again if you did. My sake was just a sliver of it—most of it was for your own survival, wasn’t it?”

“My survival, too, yes. But how could I hand everything over to you without trust? You said you don’t trust me, but it’s the same for me! How could I believe you? I can’t even forget the boy I was at sixteen—don’t tell me there isn’t still an eighteen-year-old Kwon Taeha inside you. Don’t tell me you don’t still want to hurt me. Isn’t that why you once said you’d use me up and toss me aside?”

“You. Do you even know what you’re trying to do with me right now?”

I’d clashed with him countless times in raw emotion, but I’d always tried to keep my cool. I didn’t want to look ridiculous—worked up and demanding answers while he stayed calm and rational, like now.

“All I’m hearing is you asking me to erase my past and like you purely for who you are. To forget you ran away, to forgive everything, to love you sweetly like nothing ever happened. Isn’t that what you’re really saying?”

The sound echoed inside my skull.

“…And what if I am?”

I couldn’t even tell if it was my own voice.

Kwon Taeha hissed a curse between his teeth. At times, I caught glimpses of the savage nature he carried beneath his calm exterior, but rarely did he show it outright. Now, veins stood out on his neck and cruelty burned in his eyes.

“So what, you want me to look into who killed Kim Jaeyeon this time? Or maybe get revenge for you? And if it turns out she killed herself, should I drag her corpse out and burn it? Oh, right—let’s throw in Joo Sangkyung  as a bonus. Should I forgive the bastard who betrayed me and tried to kill me, just so I can play the fool for Joo Hawon alone?”

He spat out raw condemnation. He twisted my true feelings into nothing more than a scheme to use him. An immovable wall stood between us. I couldn’t break it—and he had no intention of breaking it himself. Exhaustion crushed me. My body begged me to rest. I rose.

“Sit down.”

I ignored him and moved past the sofa toward the door.

Suddenly, the glass in his hand shattered against the wall. CRASH—! The violent sound burst like the storm outside, glass splintering against the window.

“I said sit.”

My heart leapt, pounding wildly. Cold droplets from the glass sprayed across my cheek.

For a moment I was too stunned to believe what he’d done. The echo of breaking glass filled my ears.

“We’re not done talking.” His low growl lingered. My cheek stung.

“What do you want from me? I’ve got nothing left to give you. What is there to talk about? Why did you throw it aside? Was it because you didn’t trust yourself to actually hit me?”

I stepped toward the broken shards, picking up one of the larger pieces half-buried in the carpet.

“Are you that angry that I slept with Aeil Kwon? That I deceived you? Do you think I’m scheming again to seduce you and play you for a fool?!”

The shard dug deep into my palm as I gripped it tightly. If the anger and bitterness piled up in my chest could transform into pain, I’d endure it as long as I had to.

“If you’re trying to bargain with me using your body, you’re going to need more than that.”

As if to say: only if I cut my wrist or slit my throat would it actually matter.

“Why does it have to be today? Even if it’s not you, I’m already at the point where I feel like dying! You mocked me, didn’t you? A man who can make anyone obey with a flick of his hand, laughing at someone like me who screamed my lungs out and still achieved nothing. But it was you who made me this way! When did I ever say I wanted Wikileaks? I broke the contract? No. From the start, even if I gave it all up, you wouldn’t have been satisfied until you swallowed me whole!”

The shorter my breath came, the tighter I gripped the shard.

“At least I thought—unlike Aeil Kwon or the others—you wouldn’t treat me as less than human. But now I see that was just a delusion!”

Like a sleek, threatening beast, he came toward me and seized my wrist. The shard lodged in my palm tore free. Blood streamed down my skin, cutting across the ink of my tattoo.

“Every time you see this, remember. Remember how you escaped me. That’s what I think of whenever I almost believe you. And what else? You talk about revenge, trying to pin those emotions on me. But if I still felt something as petty as vengeance, do you really think I’d be standing here dealing with you like this?”

His hand clamped around the back of my neck. My jaw trembled violently.

“No… you’re not fine at all. Nothing’s changed. My pathetic father dragged you down, humiliated you. He left behind a recording, for god’s sake. You pretend to be composed, but you’re not the Kwon Taeha I know, the head of STA. You couldn’t release your rage, so you dressed it up as control. From the beginning you never forgave me—you only ever wanted to punish me. Ugh—!”

Without warning, he crushed his mouth against mine. I curled my tongue inward, refusing to meet his, but he only ravaged my lips more brutally. His tongue tangled with mine, messy and invasive, until saliva slicked both our mouths. When I finally tore myself free, my chest heaved beneath thin fabric. His lip was split where I’d bitten down, blood gleaming.

“I don’t care about that damned recording. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do still have anger festering in me—circling my body, making my blood boil. But that anger isn’t for Joo Hawon, son of Joo Sangkyung . Got that? You’re the one who stomps into my carefully arranged garden and tears it apart with that twisted little smile. And I waste entire days just cleaning up after you. All you carry inside that precious body is resentment toward men like me, and though you know it’s poison, you keep letting it drag you back in—taking the hit again and again. And you? All you ever think about is running away. You talk about freedom, but do you even want to be free?”

I clutched at his shirt. My grip was desperate, white-knuckled, like someone clinging to the edge of a cliff.

“You talk about schemes, but why didn’t you ever think to fill your own pockets? You think I handed you that card because I was a fool? All your talk about money—wasn’t it just to set yourself apart from those other men? To prove you’re different from people who live for greed? But guess what—through my eyes, you all look the same.”

What I held onto wasn’t salvation—it was nothing more than a straw, and he was stomping on my hands, urging me to fall. His shirt was soaking red with my blood.

“If I had filled my pockets with your money, would it have been mine then?”

“What?”

“If I had emptied your card and stuffed my wallet full, would you have let me go? Or would you have doubted me from the very first moment—wondering when I’d run, when I’d pack up the cash and stab you in the back? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have thought that.”

“Hah. The fact you even thought that far means you must’ve considered doing it. Why didn’t you try? Maybe this time I really would’ve gotten sick of you and let you go.”

He leaned close, voice low and sinister. His insults and cruelty seemed to feed him, twisting into sustenance.

“You said I act expensive only with you. That much, you saw clearly. You say I look the same as every other man in your eyes—so if I wagged my tail and obeyed you like they did, would you have even noticed me? Would you have cared?”

I didn’t want to be one of the faceless masses crying out to their king, so I pretended to be special—hid my weakness behind vague smiles. But truthfully, I was no different from a clown, desperate not to be abandoned by his king.

“I fought like hell to be enough for you because you promised to clear my debts. I stepped onto that ship without even knowing what it was. You said if I worked, if I did well, you’d take care of it all. You gave me hope. I didn’t know anything back then… I really didn’t know…”

My pride, which I had been clinging to all this time, was trampled mercilessly—laid bare by my defenseless honesty, by the weakness of my own nature. Even Oh Woosung, who used to barge into my home and treat it like his own ashtray, never made me feel this wretched.

“Are you satisfied now?”

My breath scraped out thinly.

“Now that you’ve wrung out every last truth from me, does it feel good?”

I let go of his shirt. The blood smeared across his chest looked as though it had seeped straight from his heart. I walked away, but he didn’t try to stop me again. Drops of blood trailed from the living room to the bedroom. Only after slamming the door shut did I clutch my injured hand and collapse to the floor. A wave of nausea surged, curling me into myself. I convulsed like dust left to settle in a vast empty room, and wished I could simply vanish.