Vol 6 Ch 2

I couldn’t tell whether I was still wandering through the woods or dreaming. But soon I realized it was a dream. My whole body felt like lead. I couldn’t move at all—maybe Kwon Taeha had tied down my limbs. My mind was back, but I couldn’t open my eyes. Unless he’d sewn them shut, this didn’t make sense. Something cold that had been resting on my forehead was taken away, only to be replaced by something even colder.

That was when the voices of two men started coming through clearly.

“What the hell did you do to him? Look where it got him! He totally got it where the chickens got the ax.”

I tried to swat away the towel on my forehead at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, but I still couldn’t move.

“I’m not sure.”

That voice—faintly tinged with confusion—was familiar.

“I think I just went crazy.”

That low voice must’ve belonged to Kwon Taeha.

“Yes, you are insane. You can’t do this if you’re sane. Are you taking medication? You were okay for a while, but that doesn’t mean you’re cured. You’d better pay attention to yourself.”

“I’m taking them.”

I felt something being inserted into my ear, followed by a sharp beeping sound. They were probably checking my temperature. My eyelids were unbearably heavy. I wished I could just fall asleep again, but my body ached too much for that to be possible. Worst of all, my throat hurt so badly that I almost cursed every time I tried to swallow.

My tongue felt dry and shriveled like I had tuberculosis. My mouth was so parched it felt like it might crumble. I felt like I was about to die—like I wouldn’t survive unless I drank some water.

“Oh, are you alright?”

I barely managed to open my eyes. Through my blurry vision, I saw a blond man looking at me with an expression full of concern—even though we’d never met before.

“How do you feel? And you speak English, right?”

He struck me as one of those stereotypical Americans who make a big deal out of the smallest things. I just blinked slowly, waiting for my vision to clear.

“You lost your voice because your vocal cords are swollen. So give your throat a break and rest your voice.”

He clicked his tongue, like my condition was worse than I thought. The blond glanced to the side, clearly blaming someone. Sitting where his gaze landed was Kwon Taeha. He had one leg crossed over the other and leaned back with his arm resting on a table. After pushing me so far, he now sat there with not even a trace of emotion on his face. He rubbed his forehead a few times with his hand, then got up and walked over to me.

He looked down at me for a long time, as if unsure what to say. I stared back at him, then shifted my gaze to the water on the table beside the bed. The blond gave a soft “Ah!” and stuck a straw in the cup, bringing it to my lips. I sucked on it indifferently, only to cough and spit everything out.

It felt like my throat had torn open. Every cough made it feel like my lungs were being ripped apart.

The blond man patiently waited until my coughing subsided, then brought the straw to my lips again. But I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to go through another round of body-wracking coughs. With a sigh, he set the cup down and spoke to me.

“You should take enough rest and have rice porridge for a couple of days. He will give you your medicine so make sure you take it in time.”

He wasn’t wearing a gown, but he rattled off a list of prescriptions like he was a doctor by profession. Then, as if his job was done, he picked up his briefcase and offered Kwon Taeha a brief piece of advice. Kwon Taeha barely listened, and the blond man walked out without repeating himself.

I had just been staring at the ceiling the whole time. Meanwhile, Kwon Taeha dragged a chair over and sat near the bed, lifting a cup of water.

“Want some?”

Looking out the window, it seemed like it was past noon—the sunlight was high and sharp. My head felt heavy, like I’d slept more than a full day. When I didn’t respond, he put the cup down. I bit down hard on my lower lip and forced myself upright.

That small movement was enough to make cold sweat bead all over my body. I couldn’t even straighten my back and just sat there, hunched over, drained of strength. After catching my breath for a bit, I picked up the cup. My hands were trembling, so I had to wrap both hands around it. I couldn’t gulp the water down, I only managed to barely wet my throat.

Kwon Taeha stared at me in silence, and I looked back at him. That flawless face was so perfect, it felt devoid of any humanity. I wondered what on earth was hiding behind it.

“Even buried in debt… I was still managing to hang in there.”

My voice was so hoarse it was hard to listen to.

“Why did you have to… show up and turn me into this?”

I wet my throat again and set the cup down.

“Do whatever you want now. I can’t give you Wikileaks… and that’s all you wanted from me anyway, isn’t it?”

My chest felt like it was about to burst. My voice cracked even more as I curled into myself, struggling to breathe.

“I told you,” he said. “I’m taking both.”

“You mean Wikileaks… and me?”

I remembered when he’d talked about catching two rabbits. Would it really take a knife to his throat for him to choose between the two? If it came to that, he’d choose Wikileaks without hesitation. But since I was already caught, it was unlikely he’d ever need to make that choice.

So if you get to have everything, what happens to me?

“You’re worried I might hurt Aeil?”

He still acted like some sleazy pimp. I didn’t even feel like making excuses anymore.

“I don’t care what happens to you or the vice president. But… even if I handed over Wikileaks, you wouldn’t give me my freedom, would you?”

He didn’t even bother answering, like the question was too obvious.

“Then how long do I have to stay here?”

“Until I get tired of you.”

For a second, it felt like I might scream. My whole body hurt so much I just wanted to pass out and sleep. Kwon Taeha stood up from his chair. His turned back looked like he was done with this pointless war of attrition. I forced out a voice at his back.

“Then give me money.”

He turned to look at me.

“Give me money. I don’t know when you’ll throw me away, so let me at least earn something. People say you have like fifteen trillion won.”

He let out a short laugh.

“Aren’t you sick of that script yet?”

He spat the words and glanced at his watch. I gripped the blanket and strained my voice again. God, it hurt.

“If you raped me, then at least pay for it. Fuck… fifteen trillion, and you can’t give me a cent…”

My breath came hot and ragged. It was like even an ice pack would melt instantly on my forehead. He had been on his way out, but he came back to me. From inside his suit, he pulled out a leather wallet and tossed it onto the bed.

“Go buy land, a house, or deck yourself out in designer brands from head to toe—I don’t care. But the only home you’re coming back to is this one. And I’m the only one who’s gonna see you in all that.”

I looked down at the wallet and let out a hollow laugh.

“You’d better start figuring out how to keep me from becoming bored. Because when the time comes that you’re no longer fun for me, that means my feelings are gone too—and I’m not so sure I’ll be kind enough to let you leave with your body intact.”

I reached out and opened the wallet. My fingers were so weak I nearly dropped it, but I managed to pull out a check from inside. Then I threw the wallet back at his face. He could’ve caught it easily, but he didn’t—it hit him squarely on the cheek, reddening the skin for a moment before it faded.

“…President, don’t you feel sorry for me at all? Don’t you have even an ounce of pity for me? My heart… it’s so cheap. Am I the only one who feels this way?”

“You’re right. I knew you were crawling through the gutter. And I still left you there. You really think I’m the type to pity you?”

Kwon Taeha drove in the final nail. It’s always different hearing it out loud than just thinking it. This time, I turned away from him and lay on my side. He tried to pull the blanket up over me, but I stopped him. His hand moved to the back of my neck, rubbing it gently. That fake tenderness just hurt even more with how wrecked my body was.

“Act like you’re worth something. If you don’t, then I just end up looking like a clown who lost his mind over your dirt-cheap heart.”

His hand finally left me.

***

I stared blankly at the ceiling, then raised my index finger. Slowly, I lowered my hand and pressed down on my lower belly. A shallow moan slipped out. It felt like even my insides were bruised. It was hard to even swallow—probably my tonsils were swollen too. I broke out in a cold sweat in an instant.

When I remembered Kwon Taeha’s hands around my neck, it occurred to me—maybe he really had wanted to strangle me to death.

He had been perfectly rational. I’d never seen him lose control. I didn’t know how he expressed emotion, but violence didn’t seem like his style. Was he really that angry? Was that moment not his reason, but his instinct?

Genetic mental illness, medication—he talked like he shared the same symptoms as Aeil. But as far as I knew, he wasn’t even blood-related to Kwon I-jae. Maybe he had even fooled that American doctor too.

At first, my father had planned to walk away. So why did he take orders from Tex and kidnap Kwon Taeha? What did he gain from that kidnapping? It was all still a maze shrouded in fog.

Min Ling’s betrayal probably wasn’t part of my father’s plan. But because he didn’t kill Kwon Taeha, Min Ling was able to run away with him. What happened to her, anyway? I had bigger problems, but I was worrying about everything. I let out a dry laugh and pulled the blanket up—but then, a sudden thought made me freeze.

But what if… what if Kwon Taeha really was his biological son?

My father knew Kwon Taeha wasn’t his. Wikileaks was a secret document built on truth, but that didn’t guarantee it was the whole truth. When father asked him to name STA’s weakness, maybe he was really trying to figure out whether Kwon Taeha knew that truth or not.

At first, my father tried to pull out of the situation. But I figured the reason he got involved in the kidnapping was because he discovered that Kwon Taeha wasn’t his biological son. And when he killed his own accomplice during the game of Russian roulette instead of Kwon Taeha—perhaps it was because he’d confirmed that Taeha was his son…

If my theory is correct, then my father must have found out through some means that Kwon Taeha was his biological son. Maybe that’s why he tolerated Min Ling’s betrayal. I shook my head. That was a huge leap.

Kwon Ijae gave up on his own son too easily. I wondered if it was because Taeha wasn’t his real son—but then again, people like them, with their business-first mindset, could easily abandon even their own child. In the end, the truth could only be one of two things: either Kwon Taeha is his biological son or he’s not.

Tex seemed to hope that Taeha wasn’t his son, and they needed solid evidence, not just suspicions. Which means Taeha’s claim that he was using Wikileaks for defense and not for attack might’ve been true. Based on what I’ve seen so far, Tex is the attacker, and STA is the defender.

Why did all this fighting begin in the first place?

The most rational explanation would be the inheritance. The vast fortune of “Kwon Iwon” went to STA, and Tex couldn’t grab as much as they wanted. The fact that their battle hasn’t ended even after the inheritance was divided… it could mean this whole mess is still ongoing.

My head felt heavy, like it was soaked in waterlogged cotton, crushed under the weight of the Wikileaks data I’d kept hidden. I didn’t have a “best” option, but the next-best one would be to choose between Aeil Kwon and Kwon Taeha and hand over Wikileaks. And yet, the scale inside me wouldn’t tip in either direction. No—it was more like I kept forcing Aeil Kwon onto the rising end of the scale to keep it from leaning toward Taeha. Half a year hadn’t been a short time for me. It was also time spent turning thoughts of him over and over in my mind.

He knew I existed, yet didn’t show up until he learned about Wikileaks. That alone proved I held no value to him. Of course. There was no need or reason for him to save someone like me. But hearing it directly from Aeil Kwon and Taeha themselves was enough to leave me drowning in a sense of loss. Taeha could’ve protected the sixteen-year-old Joo Hawon from Baek Hyunseok. He could’ve told me the truth when I was drowning in debt and knew nothing.

My resentment should’ve been aimed at my father, but instead it veered away from that ghost-like man and buried itself in Kwon Taeha.

How was I any different from Aeil Kwon?

He had to oppose Taeha as the price of being Felix Kwon’s son. He had to act before Taeha could strike at Tex. And me—socially weak—I didn’t want to be emotionally weak too, so I couldn’t be honest.

I know I only thought Taeha was different from the others who crushed me because I wanted to believe that. I’d agreed to steal a heart worth two billion won, yet forgot that it meant offering up just as much of my own heart in return.

Two billion, four billion—that kind of money is probably a trivial sum to him. But to me, it was an amount that could put my entire life up as collateral. That difference is what made you feel special to me. You approached me with a reason and paid off my debt, but even so, I was able to take a step back from the cliff’s edge because of it.

If I followed logic, I should hand over Wikileaks to him. But the thought of what he might do with me afterward—I didn’t even want to imagine it.

So I lied. I told him I didn’t have Wikileaks, even though I did. I was hurt by what he did. I used the revenge he spoke of when he was eighteen as an excuse to run away.

Kwon Taeha fAeild the test I’d set up. If he’d shown me even a shred of kindness—fake or not—I would’ve accepted that he was special. I would’ve willingly laid myself bare like a submissive sacrifice before the altar of his godhood—whether it be for judgment, revenge, or desire for ownership.

But all that’s left inside this polished shell labeled “chief dealer” is the rotten, bitter core of Joo Hawon. He doesn’t know that the fruit inside the shell has gone sour and bitter. So before he realizes that and tosses it out, all I can do is harden the shell even more.

That’s right. I sold my heart to you, who paid off a debt no one else ever helped me with. So if it’s a cheap heart, you saw it for what it is. But still—I didn’t want to find out like this. I didn’t want to realize anything like this. Not even a little.

Maybe I had it coming, only recognizing the truth after being treated this way. Still, I wondered—if I’d just been a little more honest, would things have turned out differently? But between me and Kwon Taeha, there was no such thing as trust—the most important part of any relationship. And yet, I still thought he was special. It’s absurd.

Isn’t that the same for you too, Kwon Taeha? You were interested in my heart, but that’s all. As long as I was in your grasp, that was enough. Only until you got bored. You’re just as selfish as I am.

Maybe it’s because I’m sick that I’ve gone soft emotionally. The aria of the courtesan wandering the resort echoed strangely vividly in my mind. At least Violetta and Alfredo had a burning, passionate love. Taeha and I started with mind games, and now, all we had left was an emotional war pulling us in opposite directions.