Vol 1 Ch 9

The blanket Seo Jeongwon gave him was very large and warm. It was so cozy that sleepiness washed over him just by covering himself with it. It was the best blanket he had ever had. Every day after his part-time job, Yeonjun would come straight home, wrap the blanket around his shoulders, and watch the drama DVD that Seo Jeongwon had given him, with only his head sticking out.

 

He wanted to see it every day, but it wasn’t like they replayed it every day, and even if they did, he couldn’t always watch it at the right time, so he had always filled his longing with short clip videos. For Yeonjun, who could watch it whenever he wanted and watch his favorite scenes ten times over, the DVD itself was happiness.

 

Yeonjun ate dinner with the lunchbox that the convenience store owner had given him, opened a bag of snacks he had bought at the convenience store, and spent his time until dawn looking only at Seo Jeongwon’s face. He never got tired of it, and he never got exhausted. Every time he saw him, he felt so good that his whole body tingled.

 

Seo Jeongwon when he played a high school student in his early twenties and Seo Jeongwon when he played a barista in his mid-twenties were clearly the same person, but they looked completely different. Even though they both shed tears, Yoo Jungho crying over school violence and Jung Hyunmin hurting over love were different. The depth of their gaze and the resonance of their voices conveying their feelings were so different that it was always new.

 

Yeonjun would fall deeply in love with Yoo Jungho and then wake up in the middle of the night wanting to see Jung Hyunmin, so he would turn on another drama DVD. It had always been like this, but these days all of Yeonjun’s time was completely filled with Seo Jeongwon.

 

He wanted to keep watching all night, but he had to sleep to work his part-time job. Yeonjun would turn off the TV after two in the morning and lie down on the deflated mattress. The fluffy, thick blanket was so fragrant and cozy that he would fall asleep before long after covering himself with it. He no longer woke up from the cold or had aches and pains all over his body from sleeping curled up, and he felt great every day. Thanks to that, he was able to enjoy his part-time job even more.

 

“Why are you so energetic these days? You’re just in top condition every day.”

 

“I’ve been sleeping well lately. I got a good blanket.”

 

“Really? That’s good. I guess just being able to solve the problem of being hot or cold makes a person feel like they can live. Here, today’s a chicken lunchbox. You said this was good.”

 

“Yes…. It is good… but… are you sure you can give this to me? It’s not expired yet….”

 

“That’s why I’m giving it to you. Would I give it to you if it was expired? I’m giving it to you because I can afford to. You work hard and you’re pretty.”

 

The owner, who had picked up several jellies and candies on the counter and put them in a convenience store bag, handed it to Yeonjun. Yeonjun bowed and thanked him before leaving the convenience store. Thinking about going home and watching Seo Jeongwon’s drama that he had been watching yesterday, it wasn’t even hard to walk home.

 

As he walked along the path covered in deep darkness, Yeonjun exhaled, seeing the long staircase ahead. Today, he didn’t think it would be hard to run up those stairs in one go. Yeonjun, who had adjusted the bag hanging from his fingertips, was about to cross the road when a person suddenly appeared next to the streetlight below the stairs. Yeonjun brought his foot, which he had put out onto the road, back to its original position.

 

“…….”

 

Everyone has a sense of danger. As soon as Yeonjun saw the man’s silhouette, he flinched at the sound of the doorknob turning in his head. The hand holding the bag tightened, and his whole body stiffened with anxiety.

 

He couldn’t be sure it was Kim Hyunchang because he could only see his back, but something felt strange. He didn’t know the exact address, but his aunt had mentioned several times that she lived in some hillside neighbourhood, so if he was determined, he was more than capable of finding his way here.

 

‘Hyung likes you because you’re pretty.’

 

The voice that tried to persuade him, muffling his voice while sticking close to the door. Even with the door locked, he had trembled, only staring at the doorknob spinning uselessly, fearing that the door might open at any moment. Yeonjun took a step back. He wanted to confirm, but he was afraid that he would recognize him, so he couldn’t go near.

 

The man, who couldn’t stand still like an anxious person and moved his body around in place, stopped for a moment. And as if sensing something, he turned around sharply. Yeonjun turned his body around as it is. It was Kim Hyunchang.

 

“…….”

 

The hand holding the bag trembled. The rustling sound kept going, and Yeonjun was afraid that it would draw attention to this place, so he gripped the hand holding the bag tightly with his other hand. But it was impossible for his other hand not to tremble. The rustling sound echoed even louder in the quiet street. Yeonjun barely lifted his feet, which wouldn’t move due to fear, and walked forward, unconditionally forward. Since Kim Hyunchang was behind him, the only way to get away from him was to go in the opposite direction.

 

Yeonjun entered a small park with old exercise equipment and quickened his pace, trying to avoid looking as strange as possible. It was because he thought that if Kim Hyunchang really thought he was strange, he might be following him. He thought he could hear footsteps from a short distance away. No, it might have been a hallucination. Because he could also hear the sound of the doorknob turning. Yeonjun couldn’t tell what the real sound was.

 

Yeonjun, moving as quickly as possible but without looking like he was running away, passed through the park and came back out onto the road. It wasn’t like there were no people at all, but they were all too far away. Yeonjun approached the bus stop in front of him. As he got closer, he could see behind him reflected in the bus stop sign. Someone was approaching from behind.

 

Yeonjun moved towards the shops. He wanted to run away, but if he did and got caught, there would really be no answer. Yeonjun went to the brightest place possible and entered a familiar building. This building had a door leading out the back.

 

As he entered the building, it became even clearer that someone was following him from a short distance behind. The sound of dragging feet was coming from behind him regularly. Kim Hyunchang had a habit of dragging his feet when he walked. That’s why he always said that the soles of his sneakers wore out easily.

 

Yeonjun, moving as quickly as possible to the back of the building, opened the door and went outside. And as soon as the door closed, he ran. He had to hide. The bag he was holding fell to the floor as his hand lost strength, but he didn’t have the luxury to look back at it. Yeonjun ran, moving his feet precariously as if he would fall several times. He heard the sound of the door opening and the sound of running at the same time. Yeonjun went between the parked cars, crouched down, and moved between the cars as quietly as possible. He was so scared that he felt like he was going to cry.

 

There were bicycles parked on one side of the above-ground parking lot. Seeing that there was a tent set up, Yeonjun bent down, went inside, and curled up. The sound of footsteps was still heard from far away.

 

“Yeonjun-ah…. Haa…. It’s Hyung. You saw Hyung too, didn’t you? Why are you running away. Huh?”

 

Kim Hyunchang’s voice came closer. When he saw Kim Hyunchang, he must have seen his face too. At the sound of that old voice calling his name, Yeonjun hugged his knees and curled up even more. He was out of breath, but he couldn’t breathe properly because he was afraid of making a sound. His whole body was trembling, and he felt like his heart was going to burst. What would happen if he got caught by Kim Hyunchang? He didn’t even want to imagine it. It was because he knew that he wasn’t just a simple Hyung who had come to see his cousin after a long time.

 

“Yeonjun-ah. I came to see your face. It’s been a long time.”

 

The voice lingered nearby. Yeonjun’s breath cooled and shook wildly. His feet stopped in front of the tent. Feeling like all the blood was draining from his body, his tightly closed eyes became wet. He was so, so scared.

 

“Shit, he ran away again.”

 

When he lifted his head slightly, which had been buried in his knees, he could see two legs below the tent. It wasn’t like the tent was set up all the way to the bottom, it only came down enough to cover about half of the bicycle, so it seemed like he didn’t think he would be hiding inside. Yeonjun watched with trembling eyes as Kim Hyunchang’s legs moved in another direction and disappeared.

 

“…….”

 

The sound of the sneaker soles dragging on the cement floor faded away. Only then did Yeonjun release the strength that had been in his body. The arms that had been hugging his knees fell limply as if they were separating. His whole body was drenched in cold sweat. As his eyelids lowered, tears that he had been holding back flowed from his wet eyes. Yeonjun stared at the hanging tent with unfocused eyes like a person who had lost his mind. And he couldn’t get out of there for a long time.

 

A darker darkness descended over the darkness. Occasionally, people came and went and he could hear the sound of cars moving, but Yeonjun couldn’t easily get out of the tent. It was because he thought Kim Hyunchang would appear, saying he knew he would be here.

 

But he also knew that he couldn’t stay here forever. Yeonjun very carefully grabbed the end of the tent and looked outside. For now, there was no one in sight. If the sound of him getting angry about running away wasn’t a figment of his imagination, then Kim Hyunchang probably wasn’t here now. Yeonjun, who had been crouching for too long, got up, his body tingling and aching just from moving.

 

“…….”

 

The voices and footsteps of people came closer. Yeonjun, who was about to hide again, thought that it would be better to follow the others out, so he quickly left the tent. The people passing by looked at Yeonjun coming out of there with slightly surprised eyes.

 

Yeonjun followed the six or seven people to the main road. Fortunately, Kim Hyunchang was not seen around. Yeonjun tried to give strength to his legs, which kept losing strength, and headed back towards his house. If Kim Hyunchang knew where his house was, he wouldn’t have been doing that near the stairs. It was unfortunate that he had come near there, but it was a relief that he couldn’t go any further than that.

 

Thinking that Kim Hyunchang might be there again if he went back to those stairs, Yeonjun deliberately walked around to the entrance where the cars went in. It took much longer, but there was no other way.

 

With no one around, Yeonjun glanced around just in case and went up the shallow hill. Walking along the road where cars came and went, Seo Jeongwon naturally came to his mind. He wanted to go home quickly and see Seo Jeongwon’s face, so he was upset that he was still outside. Yeonjun walked slowly along the alley that Seo Jeongwon’s car had slowly climbed. His heart, which had been constantly anxious and shaken, slowly calmed down. Seo Jeongwon was such an existence to Yeonjun. He was the only comfort that could calm down any negative feelings as if they were nothing.

 

After his parents passed away, he couldn’t rely on anyone. His aunt treated him very kindly on the surface, but Yeonjun was always afraid of her and couldn’t lean on her comfortably at all. His uncle was the same, and Kim Hyunchang was no exception.

 

Seo Jeongwon was the first person Yeonjun, who was left alone without family or friends, leaned on. He knew he had never met him and could never meet him, but he still smiled and cried while watching Seo Jeongwon on the screen, watching his acting. His emotions came back to life, and he began to hope for tomorrow again. To Yeonjun, Seo Jeongwon was a light that never flickered. A beautiful light that was so, so bright that it reached even this corner where he was.

 

He knew it would never happen again, but every day when Yeonjun climbed this alley, he remembered Seo Jeongwon standing under that streetlamp. He couldn’t forget the moment when everything turned black and white, and only Seo Jeongwon appeared brightly. That gaze, that movement… that smile, when he raised his head and looked at him in a world where everything had stopped and held its breath.

 

“……”

 

Yeonjun stared at the flickering streetlamp in front of his house. It was so natural that there was no one and nothing there, but ever since Seo Jeongwon had stood there once, that empty space seemed strangely emptier.

 

“…Want to see…”

 

A small, breath-like sound leaked out from between his lips. I want to see you. The unfinished voice scattered achingly in the cold air.

 

His fingertips tingled. It was the sensation he felt when he unknowingly held Seo Jeongwon’s hand. The tingling sensation that flowed through his fingertips flowed into his heart and spread. Since then, whenever he thought of Seo Jeongwon, his heart would clench and ache like this. White breath flowed from between his parted lips. Longing and inexplicable pain covered the fear and anxiety. Yeonjun, oblivious to the cold, stared at the empty space where Seo Jeongwon had stood for a long time. The night air was particularly cold.

***

Seo Jeongwon’s new drama was a legal one. With the background of being a third-generation chaebol and a face more handsome than most celebrities, he played the role of a prosecutor who became a star prosecutor after appearing on a TV program once, living with a sense of self-importance. The story was about the prosecutor facing a significant issue he couldn’t ignore and joining forces for justice, and it was a work based on a famous American drama, so people’s expectations were very high.

 

As desired by the director and writer, who unconditionally wanted the most handsome and coolest actor, Seo Jeongwon was cast as the prosecutor without any objection. And today was the day of the first script reading.

 

“Jeongwon, it’s been a while. How have you been? You’re all the rage these days. I heard you did a good deed. Carrying briquettes isn’t easy. I know because I’ve done it. I suffered for days after carrying them just once. And how can you look so pretty even in the news photos?”

 

“Thank you for seeing it so positively.”

 

The middle-aged and older actors you meet while doing dramas are all the same people, really. Actress Jeong Hayeon, who greeted him just now, was also an actress who had played Seo Jeongwon’s mother twice. She took good care of herself and didn’t nitpick or make things difficult with her acting, so she was one of Seo Jeongwon’s favorite actors.

 

Seo Jeongwon was known as a very sincere and virtuous actor to middle-aged and older actors, even if he wasn’t to actors of similar age. He was always polite and respectful, and because he was such a good actor, the older actors adored Seo Jeongwon, who was handsome and good at his job, like a son.

 

“Jeongwon, wasn’t Woojin supposed to play the detective role opposite you? I saw yesterday that he’s doing another drama instead. I was surprised.”

 

“A lead role is better than a supporting role anyway. From Woojin’s perspective.”

 

Seo Jeongwon, reminded of telling his manager to remove Won Woojin, entered the broadcasting station conference room where people were gathered with actress Jeong Hayeon, who was holding onto him. He couldn’t just tell them to remove him unconditionally, so it seemed they had persuaded Won Woojin to take the lead role in another drama. Seo Jeongwon knew that drama couldn’t succeed from the start anyway. With that terrible acting, a traditional melodrama… He could already see the viewers’ reactions.

 

“Honey, our son is here.”

 

Actress Jeong Hayeon introduced Seo Jeongwon to actor Oh Dongjin, who played her husband. Seo Jeongwon had appeared with actor Oh Dongjin in the drama <It’s Okay, Tomorrow>. He played the role of a police officer who discovered and comforted Seo Jeongwon, who was being bullied at school.

 

“Oh, Jeongwon. It’s been a while. How many years has it been? About five years?”

 

“Yes. Teacher, I should have contacted you first. I’m sorry. How have you been?”

 

“I’ve been doing well. You looked like a kid back then, but now you’re a complete adult. How old are you this year?”

 

“I’m twenty-eight.”

 

“I think you said you were twenty-two back then?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Time really flies. Well, what can I say, I’m already seventy. You’ve grown up really well. I became a fan when I saw you shedding tears back then. You were such a good actor. Everyone cried when they saw him crying back then.”

 

Seo Jeongwon smiled at the outpouring of compliments. Hearing the story of <It’s Okay, Tomorrow> reminded him of Yeonjun’s face. Seo Jeongwon, sighing lightly at the white and clear face filling his mind, looked at the director and writer entering.

 

To Seo Jeongwon, <It’s Okay, Tomorrow> was a precious work because it was a work he acted in, but it wasn’t particularly affectionate or memorable. It was very difficult to film the scenes of violence, and he had to act with constantly suppressed emotions, so it was a very stressful work. It ended with conveying a message of hope that he could be happy, but even after the drama ended, the depressed mood didn’t return, so he went to counseling.

 

In fact, that drama was one that Seo Jeongwon had told his manager several times that he didn’t want to do. It was because he hated the violence between high school students in it. Seo Jeongwon still recalled his high school days whenever he heard the drama’s title. It wasn’t physical violence, but whenever he recalled that time, which was mentally very difficult, he would get a headache.

 

“…….”

 

Because it was a work with so many meanings, Seo Jeongwon didn’t particularly recall or rewatch the drama after filming. Fans also always chose other dramas or movies when talking about their favorite works. <It’s Okay, Tomorrow> contained a social message and was a work by a famous writer and director, so it was true that it was artistically excellent, but it was a somewhat heavy work for active discussion among fans.

 

Yeonjun recited such a work in front of him. The face he made, saying he was overwhelmed with an excited expression, filled his mind. Seo Jeongwon tapped the script in front of him with his fingertips. The face and voice he had briefly forgotten while practicing the script and filming commercials for several days, and that hand, came to mind. He also wondered if he was watching the DVD well. He felt strange thinking about Yeonjun watching his face on the screen in that run-down room.

 

He wondered what kind of face he would be making while watching his face on the screen. Which would he like better, the me on the screen or the real me in front of him? Seo Jeongwon didn’t think it was strange at all, even while having the ridiculous thought of comparing himself to himself. The me recorded and moving on the screen and the me here now were different people.

 

If Yoo Jungho crying from violence and the real me were together, who would Ha Yeonjun look at? Even though he wasn’t in front of him, it was as if he could see Yeonjun’s eyes moving. He felt down thinking about Yeonjun looking at Yoo Jungho. He said he liked me.

 

“…….”

 

He said he liked me.

 

Then he should only look at the me in front of him. He wanted to confirm it. The hazy sound became clear. Seo Jeongwon stood up and greeted the actors, looking at the director introducing him. Loud applause erupted. Yeonjun, who had taken root in his mind, didn’t disappear even though he must have been surprised by the sudden loud noise.

 

After the script reading, which lasted for over three hours, everyone got up from their seats with exhausted faces. Seo Jeongwon greeted the director, writer, and other actors with a perfectly composed face. Seo Jeongwon, sending a message to Sunjong that it was over as he walked out into the hallway, rolled up the already tattered script.

 

As he went down to the parking lot, Sunjong, who was standing in front of the elevator, smiled at Seo Jeongwon. Seo Jeongwon smiled and shook his head, saying it was okay at the gesture of trying to take the script.

 

“How was the atmosphere?”

 

“It was good. No annoying people.”

 

“That’s a relief. Aren’t you hungry? Oh, did you eat the snacks? Good response, right?”

 

“Yeah. Everyone liked them.”

 

The snack boxes sent by Seo Jeongwon’s fan club, <The Garden of the West>, to the script reading site were very popular throughout the reading. Various snacks such as sandwiches, fruits, rice cakes, and macarons were packed in transparent containers for easy eating. Everyone took pictures here and there, saying they were too pretty to eat, and posted them on social media. Seo Jeongwon ate only a few pieces of fruit among them. He didn’t have time to eat a variety of things, and he liked the feeling of being moderately hungry when working because it helped him concentrate better on his work.

 

“It would be nice to have dinner and go in, but you can’t because of your diet, right?”

 

“Yeah. If I don’t do it properly, I’ll come out fat in the first episode and skinny in the last episode. I hate that. I’ll just drink protein and sleep.”

 

“I really wouldn’t be able to do it even if they offered to make me a celebrity. You have to be really tough to do it. I can’t live without the pleasure of eating.”

 

“You’ll do anything if you have to. It’s faster if you give up eating. I just realized that.”

 

Seo Jeongwon, getting into the car and leaning back as if tired, opened his eyes at the sound of his manager getting into the car and watched his moving back.

 

“Hyung.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Have you ever thought about Ha Yeonjun since you met him?”

 

“Ha Yeonjun? Ah! That fan of yours.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I don’t know. Just briefly when you said you went to eat with him alone? Why all of a sudden?”

 

The manager’s words were correct. Normally, that was the reaction that should come out. It wasn’t normal to keep thinking about someone you happened to meet by chance. Especially not in an impure way. Seo Jeongwon looked out of the van leaving the parking lot. It was daytime when they came in, but darkness had already fallen.

 

“I keep thinking about him.”

 

“What? Ha Yeonjun?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why? Because of that pity you mentioned?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“It’s been a while. You’re not usually one to hold onto emotions for long, Jeongwon.”

 

The manager’s words were also correct about that. Seo Jeongwon didn’t dwell on emotions for long. He would immerse himself deeply in the moment of acting and then quickly get out of it. After filming the drama <It’s Okay, Tomorrow> and struggling because the character and his actual experiences overlapped, he quickly and cleanly shook off any emotions. He learned to separate emotions from himself, so he didn’t get caught up in emotions and flounder.

 

“I didn’t do anything great for him, but I keep thinking about the face he made when he liked it.”

 

He wondered what was so great about those few hours that he was so nervous and happy. It wasn’t like anything would change because of that, and it wasn’t like he would become close to him, so he wondered why Yeonjun couldn’t hide his emotions and showed them all. What was so great about meeting a celebrity once?

 

“Is it a disease if I want to see him like that again?”

 

The last words were a soliloquy that didn’t reach the manager. Seo Jeongwon recalled that narrow alleyway. He wanted to go up that run-down alleyway. He was definitely not normal.

 

“It’s because you saw such a kind person after a long time. He was really kind and innocent. And he’s young, so he’s cute. Like seeing your youngest sibling.”

 

“Do you think he’s cute too, Hyung?”

 

“Yeah. Of course. He’s cute. He’s kind when he talks too.”

 

“Does he look pretty?”

 

“Um, he’s pretty. He looks like he could be an idol with that face. Why? Don’t you think so?”

 

“I…….”

 

I want to touch him.

 

His fingertips, that hand, that face that was following up towards me.

 

Seo Jeongwon didn’t say it out loud. It was because he didn’t want to confuse his manager by saying it. He also shouldn’t say things that would shock the driver.

 

“Huh? What did you say?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

This was it. If he talked any more, his manager would realize that he wasn’t thinking about Ha Yeonjun within the normal range. Seo Jeongwon looked out the window, where everything was quickly passing by, and recalled Yeonjun’s fingertips, which had turned white.

 

“…Shit.”

 

It was all because of those fingertips, no, because of Ha Yeonjun, who fearlessly grabbed his hand first. Seo Jeongwon cursed several times at the lingering sensation and afterimage. In the end, the only solution was to face him directly. He had no choice but to see if he was still pretty when he saw him again, and to check whether this unpleasant lust was real or an illusion. Seo Jeongwon closed his eyes again as if tired. The intrusion of unpermitted emotions and sensations was still unpleasant.

 

“…….”

 

It had to be. It had to be unpleasant. It couldn’t be that this unfamiliar churning was a different emotion. Seo Jeongwon sighed, holding an emotion that was named unpleasantness but was not unpleasant at all.

 

He wanted to see Ha Yeonjun.