Vol 1 Ch 4

The inside of the big van was like a house. No, it was better than a house. Yeonjun got into the van with the help of Manager Kim Sunjong next to Seo Jeongwon, who had already gotten in. There was a driver’s seat and a passenger seat, and behind that was the second seat where Seo Jeongwon and he were sitting, and behind that was another long seat attached. Yeonjun carefully looked around where he was sitting, as it would be rude to look too openly.

 

“……”

 

The inside of the van was as quiet as the restaurant. Yeonjun slightly turned his head and looked at Seo Jeongwon, who was sitting next to him. Seo Jeongwon was leaning back and sitting with his eyes closed as if he was sleeping. Yeonjun lowered his head again and looked at his hands placed on his lap.

 

“If you’re nineteen, you’ll be graduating soon, right?”

 

Manager Kim Sunjong, who couldn’t stand the awkward and even precarious silence, spoke to Yeonjun. Yeonjun raised his head, which he had been lowering, and looked at the back of Manager Kim Sunjong, who was driving.

 

“…Yes. In February.”

 

“You’re turning twenty soon, how do you feel? Usually, when you go from your teens to your twenties, don’t you feel sentimental? When I think about it, I was so happy when I turned twenty that I was becoming an adult. Well, in reality, it was just the same today that continued from yesterday.”

 

“I don’t know yet…. Wouldn’t it be the same because it’s just a continuous day?”

 

“That’s right. Don’t be too disappointed that it’s the same.”

 

Yeonjun, who was smiling while listening to Manager Kim Sunjong’s words mixed with laughter, suddenly felt a stuffiness in his chest and pressed his hand on his stomach as if he had been stabbed in the stomach. It seemed like he had indigestion. Yeonjun looked at Seo Jeongwon, who was closing his eyes. It was really fortunate that Seo Jeongwon was closing his eyes.

 

“……”

 

He was sweating because he was trying to endure without making a painful sound. Yeonjun bit his lips pale and hard enough to hurt. He was afraid that he would only show a bad side because he was so nervous like a fool, and that was the most worrying thing. He wanted to endure until he got home somehow.

 

“It was so cold yesterday, but the weather is a bit better today than yesterday.”

 

When the car stopped at a signal, Manager Kim Sunjong turned to look at Yeonjun. Yeonjun looked at the manager, trying to act as if nothing was wrong. But Manager Kim Sunjong, whose job was to always look after his actor, immediately noticed Yeonjun’s pale face.

 

“Yeonjun, are you feeling unwell?”

 

“Pardon? Ah… no, it’s okay.”

 

“Your face is also pale…. It looks like you have indigestion. You’re also sweating. I really thought this would happen…. Just hold on a little.”

 

Manager Kim Sunjong, who looked disapprovingly at Seo Jeongwon, who had opened his eyes at the words that he seemed to have indigestion, hurriedly looked outside. Fortunately, there were many shopping districts nearby, so he was soon able to find a pharmacy without difficulty. Sunjong, who had parked the van on the side of the road, turned to look at Yeonjun again.

 

“I’ll go buy medicine, so just hold on a little. Or, should we go to the hospital? Ah! The emergency room!”

 

“It’s, it’s not that bad.”

 

“Then I’ll go buy medicine. Hey, Seo Jeong…! Seo Jeongwon, please watch over Yeonjun. Please.”

 

Manager Kim Sunjong, who said that while gritting his teeth, got out of the car and ran towards the shopping district, which was quite far away. Yeonjun sighed, feeling sorry for making everyone bother because of him. Yeonjun, who raised his head at the gaze that was reaching him from the side, bowed his head to Seo Jeongwon, who was looking at him.

 

“…I’m sorry. It’s all because of me….”

 

“You’re the one who’s sick, why are you saying sorry to me.”

 

“…You’re busy, but it seems like you’re just wasting your time because of me….”

 

“I don’t have any more schedules today. You don’t have to think like that.”

 

“……”

 

“Did you get indigestion because you were uncomfortable with  me?”

 

Yeonjun quickly raised his head and looked at Seo Jeongwon at the words that were coming straight at him. The feeling of wanting him to never think that way rushed out urgently.

 

“No, it’s really not like that…. I, I really liked today so much. When the manager said he wanted me to come to the dinner, honestly… I thought, what am I to meet the actor again…. I thought I would be a burden… so I thought it was right not to go, but….”

 

The warm, kind, and purely soft and sweet words that had been piling up all along flowed out because he felt like he wouldn’t be able to convey them again if it wasn’t now, really never again. Seo Jeongwon quietly looked at Yeonjun, who was pale and saying those words to him.

 

“I thought, when will something like this happen in my life again……. The actor is busy, when would someone like me ever have dinner together, talk, and… see your face up close like this again. I came out because I thought it would be the first and last time, and I really liked it so much.”

 

“……”

 

“…I think I’m really lucky. To have encountered such great luck.”

 

“……”

 

“Today was the happiest day of my life.”

 

“……”

 

“…I really, really like you.”

 

All of Yeonjun’s sincerity that he could voice echoed in the quiet van. Seo Jeongwon didn’t answer anything. But he didn’t turn his head or close his eyes either. He was just facing the sincerity that was pouring out like a confession.

 

“…I really like you so much. Watching you, Actor-nim, is what kept me going every day. I lived each week waiting to watch your drama, then lived for months waiting for your next movie. Thanks to you, everything was so, so wonderful. It was nothing but happiness. Today was really happy too.”

 

“Even though I clearly showed how annoyed and tired I was?”

 

“But you still came out to meet me. If you were really annoyed… and tired, you wouldn’t have come… But you did. For me, that’s… really enough. Just being able to be with Actor-nim like this… it’s exactly…”

 

“……”

 

“It feels like a dream. Thank you so much for meeting me…”

 

“……”

 

“Thinking back on today, with these memories… I think I can live truly happily for the rest of my life.”

 

He wondered why this felt so desperate and even sad. It was just something that came out of a deal where he said what he wanted because his agency said it was a good opportunity, but he never expected words like “lifetime” and “like a dream” to come from such a one-time, meaningless fan service. Seo Jeongwon looked at Yeonjun, who was pouring out confession-like words while his pale face was covered in cold sweat.

 

He knew very well that he wasn’t the type to have a good personality or be particularly warm. Still, today, he felt like he’d become complete trash. The feeling that he had utterly ruined someone’s time—time that was precious enough to be described as luck—was far dirtier than he had imagined.

 

The van door opened, cutting through the brief silence that had settled again. Manager Kim Sunjong opened a bag full of medicines and handed warm drinks and pills to Yeonjun.

 

“Take these. And I bought several types of medicine because it might be indigestion or, ah, just in case, it could be stomach cramps or something like that. Please take them.”

 

“…Thank you.”

 

Yeonjun swallowed the drinks and pills, then accepted the bag Manager Kim Sunjong was holding out. Seo Jeongwon glanced once at Yeonjun’s hand tightly gripping the bag, then turned his head toward the window.

 

They had reached the middle of the alley where Yeonjun’s house was, where cars could enter, but the road was too narrow for a van, let alone a regular car. Seeing Manager Kim Sunjong’s flustered expression, Yeonjun quickly straightened up.

 

“Please let me off here. From here, my house is just a short walk away.”

 

“Still… it would be better to take you right to your door. You’re not feeling well…. If we’re careful, I think we can get through.”

 

“It’s really fine. It would be even harder to get back out…. I’ll get off here. It’s not the bottom or anything, from here my house is really close, so you don’t need to worry.”

 

“Ah, then I’ll walk you to your house.”

 

As Manager Kim Sunjong unfastened his seatbelt to get out, Yeonjun shook his hand slightly. Because he knew well that although it was an easy, familiar path to him, having walked it countless times, it was a dirty and not very nice path to those who had never been there before.

 

“I can really go alone……”

 

“I’ll walk you.”

 

At the sound of Seo Jeongwon’s voice suddenly cutting in, Yeonjun turned his head toward it. He saw Seo Jeongwon, who had been leaning back, pick up his coat that had been carelessly placed beside him and get out of the car. Yeonjun looked with surprised eyes at the suddenly empty seat beside him, then looked at Manager Kim Sunjong. Manager Kim Sunjong also had a surprised expression.

 

“He must have felt really sorry toward Yeonjun-ssi.”

 

“…He didn’t need to…. I really enjoyed today. Could you please stop Actor-nim? The road is dark and dirty too…”

 

“He won’t listen to me. He’s never been the type to listen to anyone……”

 

“……”

 

“Hmm, once he sets his mind to something, he doesn’t listen to anyone.”

 

“But just in case… The road is dangerous too…”

 

“I’ll follow from a distance, so don’t worry.”

 

Manager Kim Sunjong, who had gotten out of the car with a smile, came over to where Yeonjun was and opened the door for him. Yeonjun got out of the car and bowed to Manager Kim Sunjong several times. Then he looked at Seo Jeongwon standing at the entrance of the alley. Under the faint light of the streetlamp, Seo Jeongwon’s long shadow in his long coat slanted down to Yeonjun’s feet.

 

“…Thank you so much for today.”

 

After exchanging greetings and a handshake with the manager, Yeonjun carefully approached Seo Jeongwon’s side. Seo Jeongwon glanced at Yeonjun like that, then started walking ahead into the alley first.

 

“…You really don’t have to walk me home…”

 

“It’s fine if I do.”

 

“……”

 

“Almost all the streetlights are broken.”

 

Yeonjun looked up at the streetlights placed along the alley. One out of three was completely off, and among the remaining, one was flickering. It wouldn’t be strange if it went completely dark right then. Though it was a familiar scene to him, it wouldn’t be to Seo Jeongwon. It made him a bit sad somehow that his actor, who should only see nice things, was walking through such an alley with him.

 

“Is your stomach feeling better?”

 

“…Yes. I think it was just for a moment earlier. It’s fine now.”

 

Whether it was because of the medicine or because of the thought that he shouldn’t be in pain, there was no painful cramp like before that kept him from straightening up. Probably because he had been in extreme tension and awkwardness the whole time, his stomach had hurt briefly. Yeonjun, tightly clutching the medicine bag in his hand, quickly moved his steps to keep up with Seo Jeongwon, whose legs were long and stride wide.

 

Only after walking a little over five minutes into the alley did Yeonjun’s house appear. Since they had been there not long ago, Seo Jeongwon also remembered the place and went ahead, stopping in front of it. Yeonjun arrived a few steps later and let out a shallow breath.

 

“For walking me home… thank you.”

 

“Yeah. Go inside.”

 

“…Yes. Please get home safely.”

 

With a face full of lingering regret, Yeonjun took one last look at Seo Jeongwon’s face, then took a step back. Seeing Yeonjun like that, Seo Jeongwon took one more step and approached in front of Yeonjun. Yeonjun looked up at Seo Jeongwon with surprised eyes. The flickering streetlight blinked over Yeonjun’s face.

 

“Ha Yeonjun-ssi.”

 

“…Yes?”

 

“Thank you for liking me.”

 

“……”

 

“This is sincere.”

 

Seo Jeongwon held out his hand. Yeonjun looked at the hand extended toward him, then carefully grasped Seo Jeongwon’s hand. It was still a warm, cozy hand. The hand was so warm that he could forget the cold alley air that was sharp enough to sting his nose. At the warm hand and Seo Jeongwon’s even warmer heart, Yeonjun felt like he might cry for some reason.

 

“Go inside.”

 

“…Yes.”

 

Yeonjun bowed his head to Seo Jeongwon. Seo Jeongwon also bowed his head to Yeonjun and watched him go inside. Yeonjun couldn’t take his eyes off Seo Jeongwon, visible outside, until he entered the house and closed the door. Even after closing the door, his heart was beating so hard he couldn’t move at all.

 

“……”

 

Yeonjun, pressing his palm firmly over his loudly pounding heart, took a deep breath, then carefully opened the front gate again. Seeing the empty, deserted space in front of the house, Yeonjun moved into the alley without making a sound and watched the retreating back of Seo Jeongwon walking down alone. Even though the streetlight was dim, the light emanating from Seo Jeongwon made the alley shine as bright as daytime.

 

“……”

 

It was an unforgettable, so very beautiful alley. So Yeonjun, forgetting the cold and pain, everything, just gazed for a long time at that bright alley with only the warm hand, his pounding heart, and his eyes. That warm winter night he could never forget.

 

Sunjong, who had been determined to pour out scolding on the way back home with Seo Jeongwon, saw Seo Jeongwon coming down the alley looking somehow sentimental and decided not to say anything. Because there had been quite a few times when saying this or that at such moments had backfired.

 

As Sunjong had seen, Seo Jeongwon, who had actually sunk into sentimental thoughts for the first time in a very long while, got into the van and remained lost in thought the whole time.

 

It was just a meeting for work, and he thought it was just a place to kill time roughly, so he really just killed time roughly, but the lingering feeling now was discomfort. The feeling of having done something he shouldn’t have, the feeling of becoming a perpetrator, and also… the feeling that he had completely ruined someone’s precious time was the worst.

 

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling bad?”

 

Honestly, even if he felt bad, it should be Yeonjun who felt bad. But that student, who seemed too gentle and kind, kept watching Seo Jeongwon’s mood the whole time and even got sick to his stomach, yet kept waving his hands saying it was fine, he was happy, until he left, and now Seo Jeongwon, who had really just killed time roughly as he wanted, was feeling bad—this seemed really not right, even if it wasn’t a bit wrong. Sunjong let out a deep sigh and looked at Seo Jeongwon’s serious face in the mirror.

 

“What’s going on. Did something happen up there? Huh, you got cursed out. Yeah…. Even if a person is kind, there’s a limit to what they can endure…. He seemed really gentle, so it must have been bad. That’s why you should like them from afar as a fantasy to keep liking them…. I heard there are many fans who meet in person and fall out of favor…”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“No? Then what is it. What’s wrong.”

 

Seo Jeongwon, who had been looking at Sunjong seeming to seize this chance to criticize him again, lost his will and leaned back deeply into the seat again.

 

“I’m surprised to discover that I have pity too.”

 

“Pity?”

 

“That kid earlier.”

 

“…Hey. You were like that in front of that kid when you have pity?”

 

“Did I seem like that at the restaurant?”

 

“Honestly… can I say it?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Not a little, but a lot. Why are you like that in front of the kid. Stabbing the steak with a knife, and only saying a few words when I gave you signals.”

 

Sunjong began saying all the things he had wanted to say. Because he thought it was really too much to treat a weak, young fan like that, who wasn’t the type to attack first or pick fights.

 

“It must be true that he got sick because of me.”

 

“…Well, wouldn’t it be?”

 

“I’m trash.”

 

The words ‘It’s good that you know’ came up to his lips, but Sunjong deliberately didn’t voice them. It was the quick-wittedness gained from years of experience as a manager for a top actor.

 

“You were a bit hard to watch today. I know you came out reluctantly too, but still, that emotion didn’t need to be directed at that student.”

 

Seo Jeongwon looked out the window without complaint. Normally, he wouldn’t have thought seriously about it, whether it was like that or not. Because they were just someone who would pass by. Whether they thought he was rude or trash, that wasn’t important at all. Because other people’s hearts or emotions were just cumbersome, bothersome things that Seo Jeongwon didn’t want to know at all.

 

“But still, it was good that you walked him home at the end. You… didn’t say anything when you parted, right?”

 

“I did.”

 

“What did you…? Did you make him cry? To a sick person!”

 

“What crying. I said thank you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Jeongwon-ah, you did well. How good would it have been if you were like that from the start.”

 

The car, having passed through several security checks, entered the apartment parking lot. Seo Jeongwon got off in front of the elevator booth leading into the apartment and looked at the manager.

 

“Rest well tomorrow. If anything comes up, call me right away.”

 

“Yeah. Get home safe.”

 

Sunjong had a very soft heart. Though he had briefly thought Seo Jeongwon was indifferent and a trash with bad character when he saw how indifferently he treated Yeonjun until just moments ago, hearing the ‘get home safe’ greeting said as if somewhat deflated made his heart quickly soften.

 

“Anyway, it’s all over now, so you should ease your mind too. Still, you walked him home at the end and even said thank you, right? It’ll be fine.”

 

“Yeah. Go.”

 

“Okay, go in.”