NHL 71

It was the day I finished an away game in LA when I received word that Joeon had returned to Maya and Tony’s house. Exchanging messages with that couple, I also learned that Joeon had, in fact, never intended to stay in Korea for long. Even so, I was still nursing hurt feelings and needed time to let my anger subside on my own.

Fortunately, away game schedules are often arranged in clusters of nearby regions to minimize travel time and distance. Thanks to that, by the time I finished the West Coast road trip and returned home, well over a week had passed since I last saw Joeon.

For a while, only home games were scheduled, and I waited anxiously for Joeon to come find me. The day he finally did was early on the morning of the first home game.

Wearing lighter clothes suitable for April, Joeon was standing in front of my door.

“Good morning, Joeon. Come on in.”

“…Excuse me.”

Looking like he had much to say, Joeon softened his expression just a fraction and stepped inside. I made some warm coffee and placed it in front of him, but Joeon didn’t even touch it.

“The hospitality isn’t necessary. What was that thing you said you wanted to say if I ever came to find you?”

“Have you been well?”

“Just give me back my passport. I thought about reporting it to the police, but I didn’t want you to end up in the headlines.”

“I appreciate that. Where are you staying?”

At the probing question, Joeon glared at me once before placing his hand against the steaming mug.

“At Maya and Tony’s house. It seems they were quite worried, just as you said. They told me they were debating whether they should actually file a missing persons report if you couldn’t find me.”

“Why did you cancel your phone plan?”

“I didn’t cancel it; I suspended it. They said the minimum suspension period is two months. So, I won’t have a phone for a while.”

“That’s good.”

“What is?”

He asked back in a sharp voice, but for some reason, I was smiling softly.

“Rest well here for those two months.”

“What?”

“Listen to me, Joeon. You have a tendency to drive yourself too hard. You’ve had a tough time holding it together on your own all this time. That’s why you need to take time to set it all down.”

“…”

“People need rest. Forget about everything complicated and just rest comfortably. Eat good food, go out and have fun.”

Hearing me talk so callously, Joeon felt his anger rising.

“Are you joking?”

“No. I’m serious.”

I shrugged my shoulders, acting aloof.

“I’m away from home often. As you can see….”

I pointed to the trash can. It was overflowing with garbage, including spoiled fruit and meat.

“There are many days when the house is unmanaged because I’m gone for so long.”

“And so?”

“I’ve been thinking it would be nice to have a roommate. That’s all. I don’t have any other intentions.”

“I take it you don’t intend to return my passport.”

“Don’t drive yourself off a cliff. This is advice from a friend.”

Joeon, about to retort, shut his mouth and swallowed his frustration. I held something out to him. It was Joeon’s old green passport with “Republic of Korea” written on it. And on top of it was a pile of keys.

When he looked up, I held his gaze steadily.

“I’ve thought about it a lot.”

Carefully choosing my words, I explained calmly.

“I was arrogant to think I could boost your spirits, and I was pathetic for not respecting the choice you made. I apologize. That’s how much… I wanted you. Setting aside our relationship, I couldn’t bear the mere fact that you were going far away. Truly.”

“…”

“I won’t force any more feelings on you. So, please take this just as advice from a friend.”

Matching my demeanor, Joeon steadied his breathing and nodded.

“Fine.”

“Do you remember the day we first skated together?”

“I remember.”

Our first meeting at the Harbourfront Centre. It was a night when we didn’t know each other well, simply immersed in the innocent joy of learning.

“The day you face-planted right into my crotch.”

“…”

As Joeon glared at me fiercely, I dropped my soft smile.

“You can’t learn to skate without falling. It’s the same whether you’re learning to walk or to run. No one avoids walking because they’re afraid of scraping their knees.”

“You said falling is all part of the learning process.”

“Yes. I know you weren’t able to live a life you were satisfied with there.”

“…It was the wrong choice. I regretted it for a long time, thinking I should have listened to you.”

“There’s no need to blame yourself like that. If you hadn’t listened to me, or if it was a wrong choice, so what? In the end, you must have learned something from it. And moving forward, the lessons you learned will lead you to wiser choices.”

“I don’t know. My greed to change something made my life even more of a mess. It would have been better if I hadn’t done anything at all.”

“Do you really think so? Joeon, think carefully about whether you gained anything, not just what you lost.”

“There’s no such thing.”

“No, look at yourself. You’ve already changed a lot.”

“…”

“You chose the direction of your life. It is entirely yours now.”

Joeon gasped, as if overwhelmed.

“Of course, choices always come with responsibility. So, while some decisions may be incredibly difficult… I don’t want you to be afraid. Even if it looks like a failure in the short term, that isn’t the end of it.”

“What should I do to make choices that aren’t failures?”

“Joeon, there is no such thing.”

“…”

“Ultimately, we just have to work hard every single day to ensure the choices we make don’t lead to failure, and be satisfied with that.”

His hand, which had been frozen cold, slowly brushed over his gaunt face. His eyes were burning.

“I want you to remember just this one thing. Whatever choice you make in the process, I am always on your side.”

Joeon had to hurriedly lower his head to avoid my eyes. Otherwise, it felt like something might burst from within his chest.

“I told you, didn’t I? That I couldn’t leave in the end. I know that couldn’t have been an easy decision.”

“It was difficult. The truth is, after I fought with you… I made a hasty decision in the heat of the moment.”

“Exactly. You even left me behind when you went.”

“…You’re petty, Dylan.”

“What I want to say is, I will support whatever you choose. But if you go too far away, my support won’t reach you, so I want you to stay at a distance where you can at least be certain that you are loved. Don’t be alone.”

“…”

“So, think about it. Being my roommate.”

“…Understood.”

“Good. Then I’m going to practice.”

As he packed his bag and before leaving the house, he turned back while holding the doorknob.

“When I get back, I hope you’re still here.”

🏒🥅

I said it with confidence, but throughout the practice, I acted like a dog needing to relieve itself. I couldn’t focus and was pointed out by the coaching staff several times. It even reached the point where they suggested I take a break if I wasn’t feeling well, fearing I would ruin tomorrow’s game.

Even though I had waited so anxiously for the end of the day, when I finished practice with great difficulty and returned, I was greeted by pitch-black darkness.

On the kitchen counter, only the pile of keys I had handed to Joeon remained. The passport was not there.

“Did he leave?”

A sense of despondency washed over me. My body hadn’t moved the way I wanted today, and the mental fatigue was double what it usually was, likely because I had been thinking about Joeon at every spare moment.

Throwing my bag roughly near the door, I cursed after nearly tripping over an object on my way to the bathroom.

“What is this?”

Only then did I notice the square cardboard box hiding in the shadows. I checked the contents of the box. Above all else, the puck resting on top caught my eye. The white letters engraved on the black background were unmistakably my own signature.

“…Ah, you’re here?”