NHL 62

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

Dylan looked as if he had been hurt more by this definitive rejection than by the preceding argument.

“You can’t even start? Without even trying?”

“…”

His voice, having dropped even lower and colder, asked, “Just tell me this. You said you thought I was doing this out of curiosity. So how were you? Did you respond with the intention of satisfying your curiosity, too?”

Watching Joeon, who hadn’t affirmed it but couldn’t bear to deny it either, Dylan turned away with a look of despair. Then, he whipped his head back around to lash out.

“You know what? It might have been curiosity for you, but it wasn’t for me. I wanted to trust you until the very end. You thought my feelings were light? Well, then you can forget me easily. I guess that would be fortunate for me. Because if the feelings were truly light, it wouldn’t hurt.”

“…”

“But the thing is, I feel like my heart is being ripped to shreds right now. So, you got it wrong.”

Joeon bit his lip, suppressing the roiling emotions. In the end, his eyes became tinged with red. Watching him, Dylan let out a rough sigh. More than being misunderstood by Joeon, he felt pained by the thought that perhaps he had been so intoxicated by his own feelings that he had hurt the other person. Guilt rushed in.

“…What is the reason you can’t do it? Is it because it’s just curiosity? How long do I have to wait to receive your love? Tell me. If it’s something that can be solved by waiting, I can do it.”

Dylan muttered as if reading the answer from the silent Joeon.

“That was a stupid question. It wasn’t a problem that could be solved by waiting.”

He rubbed his thumb over Joeon’s wet cheek before letting his hand drop.

“I only confirmed the fact that you… don’t love me.”

His blue eyes were deeply submerged in a burning lake.

Unable to watch him any longer, Joeon gathered his things and ran out. The door slammed shut with a roar behind him as he turned away as if fleeing.

The empty hallway was filled with a terrible silence.

🏒🥅

It was the night before the home game that would close the first act of the season, in preparation for the upcoming All-Star break.

Dylan headed to his bedroom early to regulate his condition before the game. Passing the threshold, he suddenly stopped and looked back. The light pollution from the city that had invaded the room was softly illuminating every corner of the empty house.

His gaze rested on the armchair, which was particularly untouched by the light. It was a recliner that couldn’t be more comfortable once you leaned deep into it. There were small wrinkles on the cushion where his hips would touch.

The creases, so minute they would be indistinguishable to anyone else’s eyes, were an eyesore, like traces left behind in the seat where Joeon used to sit and rest whenever he came over to Dylan’s place.

Dylan, who had been about to enter the bedroom, turned his body and deliberately threw himself into the armchair. He stretched his legs out to put them on the ottoman and crossed his arms. Every time he inhaled, his broad chest and shoulders rose and fell unstably.

It had been over a month since his relationship with Joeon fell apart. There was nothing left to patch up; they ended it that day. Joeon had left Toronto. It was a breakup he learned of through the last photo Joeon posted of an airplane. Since then, they hadn’t exchanged a single word. It had truly ended just like that.

On the day of their argument, he felt like his heart was aching as if the world were collapsing, leaving no room to think about anything else. It was his first time experiencing such intense and terrible emotions.

However, as time passed and he ruminated on his time with Joeon, the signals he had been ignoring began to appear clearly.

A person who was stingy with expressions of affection. A partner who shared no plans for the future, let alone the past. A human named Song Joeon, who even spared information about himself—like what he liked or disliked—was like a bird flying in the fog to Dylan. A free bird, visible yet invisible, reachable yet untouchable.

It wasn’t as if Joeon hadn’t revealed himself from the beginning. When he invited him to his parents’ new mansion, Joeon had told him about his past. Things like his journey of coming alone to a faraway foreign land to study at a young age, or stories about his host family.

There, Dylan felt a strange sense of incongruity. He heard stories about the host family, but he had never heard a single mention of his real family. In all the conversations they had shared until now, there might have been a “John,” but there was no “Joeon.”

The story of someone who was born and raised on his home soil for nearly twenty years under the name Song Joeon was nowhere to be found.

His crossed arms slowly unraveled and climbed onto the armrest. His eyes, resting his chin on his hand with a serious face, contained the sleepless city. The light reflected dimly, like water covered in a thick fog.

That must have been as far as it went.

That was the line Joeon had drawn. Dylan was the person who couldn’t enter beyond it.

He had effectively been in a one-sided unrequited love with Joeon, who had maintained a close relationship only on the surface while keeping his true feelings hidden deep inside. Even though the other person had only wanted his body.

Dylan had also vaguely noticed that the other person was a lonely individual. It would be a lie to say he didn’t target that weak spot of his. He had thought that if he pushed without giving him time to think, he could easily conquer him.

If someone asked why he was so incredibly special and attractive that he fell for him like a drug, it would be very difficult to answer clearly, but he had just found himself holding him in his heart at some point.

He wasn’t sure if he was attracted to his slender frame, smooth cheeks, neatly groomed hair or nails, the strangely mature and calm exotic atmosphere given off by his neat and basic attire, or if there was something else hidden within him.

However, Joeon was a strange person who even stirred up his instincts, having never once felt carnal desire for a man before. Sometimes, just thinking about him made the area between his legs feel as if it were being scorched by fire. Yet, if someone asked if Joeon was the type of person who was overtly a sex symbol, that was absolutely not the case.

If anything, the opposite was true, so it made sense if he was the type to stimulate one’s stubbornness. Because he was a person who seemed absolutely impossible to conquer easily.

“I was such a fool.”

Dylan covered his head. A person who seemed impossible to conquer easily. Because he wasn’t a person who revealed his heart transparently.

Only now were all the clues connected. Consequently, it could be said that Dylan fell for him even more because he instinctively knew he could never fully possess him.

But, as Joeon had mistakenly assumed, it wasn’t just his sexual response that made him crave him. That emotion that used to fill his chest every time he held Joeon in his arms couldn’t possibly have been just some cheap emotion of that caliber.

Even if it soon turned into a sharp blade that pierced his heart and hacked it to pieces.

He wasn’t angry at Joeon for being treated like a dildo. If Joeon had wanted that, he would have been confident in being all sorts of different dildos for him.

But the fact that he didn’t love him was unbearable.

Terribly enough, he had been a narcissist who hadn’t even imagined that he wouldn’t be loved by someone. To think that he had naturally believed Joeon would love him back!

“…Damn it. Thinking about it like that, it’s even more pathetic.”

Dylan wiped his face and took his phone out of his pocket. Since he was thinking about it, he decided to stalk Joeon’s social media. It was only a few photos from ages ago, like a forgotten abandoned house that the owner no longer managed, but from Dylan’s perspective, he was grateful even for that. At least he wouldn’t forget Joeon’s face. That would be even more terrible.

「Account not found.」

“…No.”

Joeon’s account was gone. In other words, there wasn’t a single photo left for Dylan to see. While he suppressed a scream inside, extreme regret rushed in.

“I should have saved at least one!”

🏒🥅

【All-Star Game held in Las Vegas…】

【Polar Bears players appear in Vegas】

【Dylan McClain’s dazzling smile】

【Dylan McClain attends alone again this year】

【An enchanting greeting that makes one even forget the fatigue of the flight】