MORE 26

There wasn’t a single person who caught my eye. If someone had a decent build, their face was lacking, and if their face was okay, something about them always failed to meet my standards. Whether their eyes were petty-looking, their lips were thin like a scheming villain’s, or their eyebrows were shaped like seagulls.

The tension soon dissolved. There were already two empty bottles in front of Siyul. It was right when he was about to order his third beer.

“You’ve been turning people down for a while now.”

They don’t even give greetings anymore. Siyul turned around to see what kind of guy it was this time. Among all the people who had passed by so far, the man standing over Siyul’s shoulder was the most decent one yet. His appearance was refined, he was tall, and his proportions weren’t bad. Looking closely, his long, slightly drooping eyes even seemed to resemble Woo Hyunse.

“Can I sit next to you?”

“Yes.”

That said, he wasn’t completely satisfied. A sense of skepticism was slowly washing over him. He began to feel regret about why he was sitting there, trying to accomplish something. If he had known it would be like this, he should have just gone out when Woo Hyunse asked to meet. Why…

As he tormented his eyes with deep-sea fish and just kept drinking away, a question raised its head along with it. Is this really the right path? Was this choice he made truly the only way to peel off the “novice” tag? It wasn’t too late even now. He could just give up on everything, go back, and….

“You came to a club, yet you aren’t dancing. And this isn’t exactly a place to just drink, either. May I ask why you came?”

The man sitting next to him cut through the endless chain of questions. Siyul recalled the original purpose for which he had come here.

“I came to find someone.”

The man looked around. He asked if he had found them.

“Someone to sleep with.”

Lacking the confidence to speak loudly, Siyul curled his palms to build a wall and whispered. The man, who caught on well, raised his eyebrows. That gesture, too, reminded him of Woo Hyunse. Maybe this man would be fine.

“You’re honest.”

That comment especially shook Siyul. He wanted to be as honest as himself, just as he was with Woo Hyunse. Siyul gulped down half of his newly served beer in one go. He was sufficiently intoxicated, but still in his right mind. It was perfect—beyond measure—to perform the deed.

“Are you an alpha?”

“No. I’m a beta. …Is that not good? There are occasionally people who feel that way.”

He had come looking for a beta from the start. Siyul shook his head and asked next, “Will you sleep with me?”

“Oh… I’m not really the type to sleep with someone I’m meeting for the first time.”

“Then never mind.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to.”

Because it was someone whose name, age, and background he didn’t know, he was able to approach him all the more bravely. When Siyul got up, the man rose as well. They would likely go to a nearby motel. Perhaps because of the alcohol, he felt nothing but calm now. He just wanted to finish the business quickly and go home to rest.

Perhaps, after leaving the motel, he might contact Woo Hyunse. To say that now, truly, it was okay to do it.

“Then shall we go?”

The man took the lead. Before following him, Siyul pulled his phone out of his pocket. He wondered if anyone had contacted him, but no notifications were showing on the screen.

Siyul lay blankly on the bed, listening to the sound of water leaking from the bathroom. After they entered, he had acted familiar and went in to wash up first. When Siyul came out, the man gave an awkward smile and then scurried into the bathroom. It seemed he wasn’t much more experienced than Siyul was.

Did I choose wrong?

I should have looked for someone who could skillfully lead me. Siyul fidgeted with his phone while waiting for the man to come out. He hadn’t thought about anything while looking up clubs, going in, drinking, and dealing with people, but now that he had reached this point, a doubt grew in the corner of his mind: Is this truly the right way?

Isn’t everything like that? The first step is scary, but once you lift your foot, running becomes easy. He had thought sleeping together would be the same. He had made this choice out of childish spite, not wanting to lose to Woo Hyunse, and not wanting to show a side of himself that acted like an innocent novice. He had believed that once he did it, the fear and hesitation would disappear.

However….

The sound of water stopped. Now, the man would come out. Siyul stared at the text messages he had exchanged with Woo Hyunse before putting his phone down.

The man approached hesitantly. Only the light from a floor lamp illuminated the room. He sat on the edge of the bed, looked at Siyul, and slowly leaned his upper body forward. He gulped, and a look of nervousness dripped from his visibly stiff face.

Even though it was an energy that made even the observer feel rigid, humorously, Siyul felt remarkably unbothered. It felt like he had an object or an animal he had no interest in before his eyes, not a person. He couldn’t give this man even as much interest as he gave a stray cat.

He wondered if it would feel a bit different if they kissed, but his head was just filled with trivial thoughts—Did I eat dinner tonight? Did Kwon Yuwon return home? What is Woo Hyunse doing now?—and he couldn’t focus.

“….”

Their lips were close enough to brush against each other. Siyul abruptly reached up and covered the man’s mouth. He didn’t feel like it.

“You don’t like kissing?”

Just as he had asked if betas were not good, the man asked the same. Siyul rolled his eyes to the other side and reluctantly nodded. This time, the man buried his face in his neck. Even this stirred no sensation. It was just, Oh, someone is touching me; it was nothing more or less than that.

Woo Hyunse wasn’t like this. Even hearing his voice made his ears itch, and even leaning his head against him, that warmth made goosebumps rise on his neck.

Smack—his lips touched his neck. His hand tried to burrow into his gown. Ha… Siyul let out a sigh, not a moan. A hollow laugh even escaped him.

This is going to be difficult.

Seeing Siyul frozen like a statue, the man seemed to notice that this wasn’t the right atmosphere. He lowered the hand he had been trying to put inside the gown and braced himself against the bed. He straightened his upper body and scratched the back of his head, looking embarrassed.

“I guess this isn’t working, right?”

Even though he was the one who pushed to go out, he felt apologetic for pulling back like this. It wasn’t as if he had set a table only to take away the spoon. Siyul apologized without reserve, saying, “I’m sorry,” and flopped backward. People who have eaten tteok (rice cakes) are the ones who eat it well—why had he, a first-timer, been so pushy?

“It’s okay. I don’t really… enjoy this kind of thing, either.”

The man lowered his head and ruffled his wet hair, then, as if making up his mind, flopped down next to Siyul. The bed jolted, but Siyul just stared at the ceiling with his hands neatly folded over his stomach. It felt like drowsiness was washing over him. Not enough to fall asleep, just enough to go numb.

“Do you come to clubs often?”

The man propped his head on his hand and tilted his body at an angle. He looked down at Siyul and asked affectionately.

“No. Today was my first time.”

“What about trying to sleep with someone you met for the first time?”

“That, too.”

“Then I guess you don’t have one-night experience like me, either.”

He laughed shyly. Siyul looked at the man, too. The more he looked, the more Woo Hyunse came to mind. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled was a bit similar.

“I was never really interested in men. But one way or another, I ended up here. I just wanted to check, but then I met you.”

He was in a similar situation to him. He thought he had read his mind. Siyul’s gaze changed, as if looking at a gifted shaman. Siyul sat up abruptly and leaned his back against the bed headboard. Just as he often did when chatting with Kwon Yuwon, he hugged a large pillow and stretched his legs out like a teddy bear.

“Me too. How is it exactly the same? It’s amazing.”

Perhaps because they were in the same predicament, their barriers came down quickly. Siyul’s eyes shone as he listened to the man’s story. With his gaze, he urged the other to say more. Before unfolding his bundle of stories, the man asked tentatively, “What is your name?”

“Kwon Siyul. What’s yours?”

Finally, his interest had completely turned toward the man. The man gave a beaming smile and replied, “Woo Taeju.”

He had said he resembled Woo Hyunse, and now even his surname was coincidentally the same. Because everything he did led back to Woo Hyunse, Siyul couldn’t even laugh along with a light heart.

I think we could become friends.

After a long conversation, Woo Taeju added naively. They even exchanged numbers. Although he had planned to treat him as a person who never existed once he left the motel, plans, no matter how carefully designed, often twisted and turned on their own, showing new results.

Siyul left the motel, leaving Woo Taeju behind. He tried to follow, so Siyul stopped him. He said that since he had already paid the accommodation fee, wouldn’t it be better for one of them to get a good night’s sleep?

‘It’s not a waste.’

‘Don’t waste money, just sleep and go.’

At Siyul’s cold refusal, Woo Taeju hung his head in a pout and sat on the bed. He didn’t get tired of asking, “Shall I take you home?” so Siyul shook his head. Hearing those words from Woo Hyunse alone was more than enough.

He had spent nearly two hours in the motel. Wouldn’t this be enough to lie that he had enjoyed a drinking party? The words about taking him home echoed in his head, not in Woo Taeju’s voice, but in Woo Hyunse’s.

Siyul fidgeted with his phone. He had let Kwon Yuwon know in advance that he might be coming in at dawn today. The other took the excuse of having a drinking party at a bar, hook, line, and sinker. Actually, even if he worried, he wasn’t as overprotective as he had been when they were younger.

Should I contact Woo Hyunse?

It was a time closer to dawn than night. 2:14 AM. Around this time, he used to sit at the outdoor table of the convenience store and chat happily with Woo Hyunse.